126th – Ave Samenfield, District Five
…
Grady doesn't think he's ever been more afraid in his life. He can't believe that he volunteered for this, can't believe that he made it this far. Three weeks ago, Grady thought he wanted this more than anything. If that wasn't the case, he wouldn't have volunteered, wouldn't have spent his childhood training. Saior Waller was his hero when he was younger, and now he's here, and it's nothing like he thought it would be. Saior Waller went on a grand adventure and made sacrifices. Grady just killed people.
He's moving slowly, mainly out of fear. The Cornucopia has just come into view, and he'll be there before he wants to. Everything is okay right now, because the fight hasn't started yet. In just a few minutes, someone will be trying to kill him. But for now, he's still alive. The fight hasn't started yet.
Grady takes extra care to make sure his footsteps are quiet. The underbrush is loud and crunchy, and Grady just needs to be careful. If he keeps being careful, he'll make it. He doesn't want to be here anymore, but so long as he is careful, he won't be. He'll go home, and everything will be okay.
But what if he doesn't? Fuck, what if he fucks it up and he dies? Grady doesn't want to die. Why did he ever volunteer for the fucking Hunger Games? Winning wouldn't be worth this.
It wouldn't be worth feeling like someone is hunting him every moment of his life. It wouldn't be worth the blood on his hands. No amount of money or fame could ever make this worth it.
But it doesn't matter. He's got keep going. There's no other option, because he doesn't want to die.
He just wants to go home. He can't stand the fear. The constant uneasiness that follows him everywhere he goes, telling him someone is always watching. Is someone watching him right now? No, no, there's no way. The other tribute isn't around, because if they were, they would be fighting. Grady is going to be okay.
Grady doesn't feel fear. That's what his trainers always said. You don't feel fear in the Hunger Games. Fear will color your perception and get you killed. But…Grady can't help it. He doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to die so bad he would do literally anything to stay alive. The fear is overwhelming. The idea that he could get stabbed, burned, decapitated, whatever, and the world would just keep going. His parents would mourn. His siblings would cry. His friends would miss him. And then they would move on. The whole world would forget that he ever fought in the Games and it would be like he never even existed.
Grady pauses in the trees surrounding the Cornucopia. There's tears in his eyes all of sudden, and Grady doesn't cry. Victors don't cry, and Grady has to be a Victor. He doesn't want to die. God, he doesn't want to die.
He'll do whatever he has to in order to save himself and banish the fear. Once he's safe and sound in the Capitol, everything will be okay. He'll be alive and he'll be safe and he won't be so afraid anymore.
Grady looks around the Cornucopia. It doesn't seem like anyone is here. He hates that. He wanted to be second, so that he could have the element of surprise. Is someone watching him? God, he feels like someone is watching him.
And then something smashes into the back of his head, and it's all over anyway.