Episode 12: Eat Big or Go Home

The camera focuses on Chris at the end of the Dock of Shame. "Last time on Total Drama Island." The scene cuts to flashbacks of the previous episode. "The campers were tasked with going to Boney Island to collect their team's flag, and then making it back alive. Seems impossible, I know, but somehow they all managed it. While there, they got attacked by the local wildlife and island guardians. Because if there's one thing I love more than torturing campers, it's annoying the local eldritch horrors. Anyway, Luz and Korra finally admitted their feelings for each other, and Mandy not only tamed the woolly beavers, but found another Invincibility Idol. I should probably put a cap on how many people can have, but whatever. Team Checkmate managed to get back first, meaning the others had to rush back to avoid elimination. Team Golden Lion probably would have won, if Sasquatchanakwa hadn't stopped them at the last second. In an unexpected turn of events, Eliza asked to be eliminated, and was." The scene cuts back to Chris on the Dock of Shame. "Whose chances at winning the prize are about to burst? Find out right now, on Total. Drama. Island."

Intro song plays.

Lincoln was outside, looking at a piece of paper and thinking hard, occasionally making notes.

Confession Cam: Lincoln

"So, I've outlasted half my team, which is good. Unfortunately, the rest of my have some kind superpower. I might be able to beat them, but I need to strategize. A LOT!"

"Let's see…" said Lincoln, jotting down more notes. "Danny's a decently good guy, I might be able to keep on his good side for the most part. Jenny was at least willing to help me keep an eye on Korra and Luz before they came out to everyone. That leaves Korra, who hates me, and is on good terms with everyone else. Hmm…" The camera cuts to Lincoln's notes, which simply say 'good luck, you're on your own'. "Yep, that seems about right."

"Psst, you," said a voice from the bushes.

"Huh? Who said that?" asked Lincoln, looking around.

"Me. Now get over here," said the voice.

"Wait, I know that voice," said Lincoln, suddenly worried. "That's…"

"Oh, for God's sake," said Mandy, coming out from the bush. "Are you gonna talk to me or not?"

"That depends," said Lincoln, backing away slowly. "Are you still mad about me destroying my Immunity Idol?"

"Absolutely livid," said Mandy. "That said, I'm not planning to hurt you for it. Yet."

"Okay, slightly reassuring," said Lincoln. "What do you want?"

"An alliance," said Mandy. "You join me, I do what I can to keep your team from voting you out before the merge, and I might even keep you around after the merge if I feel like it."

"Uh huh…" said Lincoln, thinking hard. "And what makes you think I can trust you?"

"Hey, it's your choice," said Mandy. "I just figured that with a team of supers who hate you, you're the weak link to your team, and may need some help surviving."

"Hmm, you're not wrong," said Lincoln, looking back at his notes. "But what's in this for you?"

"I get another meat shield in case something goes wrong," said Mandy. "Which it shouldn't, but no point taking chances."

"You really don't think much of the rest of us, do you?" asked Lincoln.

"Not really," said Mandy. "Plus, I figure if I'm honest from the start, you won't be as shocked when I inevitably decide to get rid of you."

"Fair enough," said Lincoln. "Okay, I'm in, with the understanding that you will probably betray me at some point."

"Excellent," said Mandy, shaking Lincoln's hand.

Confession Cam: Mandy

"I don't really need an extra ally at this point, but I'm guessing the teams will be dissolved soon, so I might as well gather an extra helper or two, let them take the fall while I go all the way to the finale."

Confession Cam: Lincoln

"This is probably a bad idea, but if I play this right, I can betray Mandy at just the right moment and take the win. And hopefully be protected by the others when she realises that's what I've done."

"Campers, to the Mess Hall, it's challenge time," said Chris over the loudspeakers.

"Any ideas what he might have for us today?" asked Mikey.

"Well, we're starting in the Mess Hall," said Luz. "Maybe a food challenge?"

"Or the Mess Hall's the starting point," said Kim. "Honestly, who knows what goes on in that man's head."

"Other than sadism," said Dipper.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," said Kevin. "I mean, we've made it this far, haven't we? I'm sure we can get through whatever this is too."

"Yeah, let's do this," said Korra.

"Korra, you're not even on this team," said Dipper.

"Eh, she can be an honorary member," said Luz, leaning her head on Korra's shoulder affectionately.

"Aww, that's sweet," said Korra, stroking Luz's hair. "You can be an honorary Golden Lion member too."

"Aww, thank you," said Luz, leaning forward to kiss Korra.

"Uh, guys? Challenge," said Dipper.

"Oh, right," said Luz, following Dipper to the Mess Hall.

Soon, the contestants were seated at the tables in the Mess Hall, with Chris standing before them. "Okay boys and girls, who's ready for today's challenge?" he asked.

"Well, we're here and waiting, so that's a start," said Danny.

"Great, let's get to it, shall we?" asked Chris. Outside, a beeping sound could be heard. "Ah, the first part of the challenge has arrived. Excellent. Everyone, outside." The contestants headed outside to see the beeping had been the reversing of a truck, driven by Chef.

"Here we go, one truckload of the freshest food you will eat on this island for the next month or so," said Chef, opening the back of the truck to reveal…

"Holy *beep," said Ben. "Actual meat. From an animal."

"Fresh fruits and vegetables," said Steven. "Instead of ones that look like they were left in the sun for three days."

"It's adorable he thinks they're only left for three days," muttered Chef.

"There's even junk food in here," said Danny. "Candy bars, potato chips, soda…" Realisation suddenly kicked in for Danny. "What's the catch?"

"There's no catch," said Chris. "In fact, you guys can grab as much, or as little, as you like. Then we'll move on to part two of the challenge."

"What is part two?" asked Dexter.

"Pfft, like I'd ever tell you that," said Chris. "You know how this works. Follow my instructions, and hope for the best."

"But do we need a lot of food, or a little?" asked Jenny. "And can we come back to the truck to grab more if we realise we need something else? Or put something back if we…"

"Enough," snapped Chris. "You go in, you grab as much as you want, be that a lot or a little, and you hope that you made the right choice afterwards. And if you did make the wrong choice, you hope that you can make the best of a bad situation. As soon as you're out of the truck, whatever you take is what you're stuck with."

"Hmm…" pondered Jenny. "Hold on a sec." Jenny grabbed Lincoln, and whispered something in his ear. "Got it?" she asked him.

"Okay, sure," said Lincoln, jumping into the truck, followed by Jenny. Soon, Lincoln emerged with a huge pile of food of all sorts. "Is this fine Chris?" asked Lincoln, tucking something into his pocket.

"Yep, that's fine," said Chris nonchalantly.

"How about this?" asked Jenny, holding a single small cupcake.

"Yep, also fine," said Chris in the same tone of voice.

"…well, that didn't work," said Jenny.

"What were you trying to do?" asked Danny.

"Trying to see if he'd get really giddy if one of us grabbed an excess of food, or a lack thereof," said Jenny. "If he did, we'd know which one is the option that'd be worse for us, but he's being very calm about this."

"Hey, I am an actor, you know," said Chris. "Starred in the most successful badminton movie of all time and everything."

"They made a movie about badminton?" asked Mikey.

"And it was successful?" asked Buttercup.

"Yes, and…depends who you ask," said Chris. "Now get your food."

The other contestants all entered the truck, but were cautious about their choices. Some grabbed large amounts of small food like the candy bars and potato chips, some the base ingredients for making food like flour and sugar, and others just grabbed whatever looked good but in reasonable amounts, knowing Chris probably had something horrible in mind for them.

"Okay, is everyone happy with their selection?" asked Chris, once everyone had returned to the Mess Hall with their food.

"About as happy as we can be," said Kim.

"Excellent," said Chris. "Well, dig in."

"…what?" asked Dipper.

"You heard me, start eating," said Chris. "That's the challenge. First team to finish wins. Last sends someone home."

"There's no way the task is that simple," said Luz. "What's the twist?"

"There is none," said Chris. "You chose your food, now you eat it."

"Question," said Kevin. "I grabbed a bag of flour and sugar. Do I…"

"Yes," said Chris.

"I…don't know if that's possible," said Kevin. "Or safe."

"Hey, you're the one who picked it," said Chris.

"Can I at least try and bake it into bread?" asked Kevin.

"You and your team can do whatever they have to do to eat everything," said Chris. "But keep in mind, the other teams might just eat the food raw so they don't waste time cooking it."

"Speaking of which, is this chicken still raw?" asked Ben, holding up the rotisserie chicken he grabbed.

"Take a bite and find out," said Chris with a shrug. "If you get salmonella, you'll have your answer."

"…I might just cook it, just to be safe," said Ben.

"So…how do I help my team?" asked Jenny. "Given that I don't eat like the rest of them."

"I only want the food to enter your body. What happens next is none of my business," said Chris.

"And if the food gets into some of my circuits or…" started Jenny.

"None of my business," repeated Chris.

"So, do we start now, or…" started Lincoln.

"Well, the food isn't gonna eat itself, is it?" asked Chris, before leaning towards Chef. "It isn't, is it?"

"Nah, none of this stuff's from the island," said Chef.

"Then you guys better get to work," said Chris. "Especially Team Golden Lion, since I realise I've probably just handicapped them down to three people."

"Great…" said Lincoln, regretting having grabbed a full rack of ribs, five packs of hotdogs, twelve packs of potato chips, and a large birthday cake.

"Well, if I can't help you eat all this, I suppose I can do this at least," said Jenny, turning one of her hands into a frying pan, and lighting a fire underneath it. Jenny then grabbed the ribs, and dropped them on the pan. "Start with the other stuff, I'll get the meat ready."

"Sounds good to me," said Danny, ripping open a bag of chips.

Meanwhile…

"Alright Heatblast, you're up," said Ben, hitting the button on his watch. Ben glowed for a moment, then appeared as an alien mostly covered with volcanic rocks with glowing yellow plasma peaking through some of the gaps. "Hold on everyone, I'm gonna…"

"If you turn all of this into ash, you're eating every bite of it," said Mandy.

"I do not want to agree with Mandy here," said Steven. "Like, really, REALLY…"

"Yeah, I get it," said Heatblast. "I was just gonna cook the meat. I swear."

"My threat still stands," said Mandy. "Even if the transformation wears off."

"Okay, okay, understood, sheesh," said Heatblast. "They really think I'm going to turn all of this into…" All of a sudden, Heatblast let off a blast of fire that hit the table. "…uh oh…"

"Look on the bright side," said Steven. "The Twinkies survived."

"Gee, lucky me," said Heatblast, as Mandy spooned up some of the ash and forced it into his mouth.

Meanwhile…

"Okay, we have the flour, what else do we need for bread?" asked Kevin.

"Well, yeast, for one thing," said Luz.

"Right…did any of you happen the grab any yeast?" asked Kevin. No-one said anything in response. "Oof, that's a loud silence."

"Starting to regret grabbing the 5-pound bag?" asked Kim.

"Yeah…just a little…" said Kevin. "Okay, how about cake? I've got sugar. Did anyone get butter? Eggs? Milk?" No response. Kevin let out a big sigh. "I'll start eating."

"Hey, we'll be happy to help out," said Dipper. "You know, after we finish most of the other stuff."

"Yeah, exactly," said Luz, who'd grabbed a pan out of the kitchen, and fished a fire glyph out of her pocket. "Okay, who wants steak?"

"Me…" moaned Kevin, knowing full well he wasn't getting any until he finished his flour.

"Could we just coat some of our stuff in flour to help Kevin out?" asked Mikey. "You know, he's done a lot of help us out over the challenges, maybe it's about time we help him eat the bag of flour."

"You're right," said Luz. "He's already doing a lot of us by suffering through that entire bag by himself, we should help him out."

"No, guys, it's fine," said Kevin. "In fact, I think I kinda like…" Before he could finish his sentence, everyone else started covering their food in flour, leaving what was left in the bag a sticky, greasy mess that started to clump together. "…yeah, I should have expected that."

Meanwhile…

"Guys, I didn't think you'd…" started Heatblast, as another spoonful of ash was shovelled into his mouth. He gagged as he coughed it out. "…you'd get this mad."

"Hey, we had the first real food in weeks, and now we don't," said Buttercup. "We have every right to be angry."

"Yeah, but…" started Heatblast, as more ash was forced into his mouth. He coughed again before he continued. "…it was an…huh…"

"What? What is it?" asked Steven.

"Some of that tasted like…meat…" said Heatblast, chewing the last spoonful. "Yeah, really well-cooked meat."

Dexter took a deep breath, and blew over all the food. Sure enough, under the layer of ash was most of the food, almost completely intact, most of it not too badly burned. "It's a miracle," said Dexter.

"HA! Guess you guys owe me an…" started Heatblast, only to receive another spoonful of ash. "Oh, come on, really?"

"Force of habit," said Mandy with a shrug. "But at least now we know the food is good to eat."

"Oh, you're going to know," said Heatblast, snatching the spoon off Mandy. "Because, you know, fair's fair."

"You wouldn't dare…" started Mandy, as Heatblast shoved a spoonful of apple pie into her mouth.

"Wouldn't I?" asked Heatblast, getting the next spoon ready.

"She is going to kill you later," said Dexter.

"That sounds like a problem for Future Ben," said Heatblast, shoving the spoon into Mandy's mouth again. "But, uh, if you guys want to dig in so I don't have to force feed her as much, that would be appreciated."

"Should we not and see how bad things are for Ben later?" asked Buttercup.

"You can, I'm eating," said Steven, digging in.

"Spoilsport," said Buttercup, before giving in and eating as well.

Later…

"Well Chef, looks like you won't be needed for lunch today," said Chris. "Or dinner. Possibly even breakfast tomorrow morning either."

"Too bad for them. I was going to start using the actual bacon and eggs tomorrow," said Chef. "You know, the ones that come from pigs and chickens?"

"I know the ones," said Chris. "Man, that sounds good about now."

"Don't talk about greasy food right now," said Lincoln, looking like he was about to throw up. "Please, I've had enough of that for the day."

"You still have a whole pack of hotdogs to get through," said Chris.

"I know…" moaned Lincoln, as Jenny started to open them up.

"Wait, you just said these had to be ingested, and didn't care what happened next, right?" asked Jenny.

"Yeah, why?" asked Chris.

"Well, how's this then?" asked Jenny, opening her mouth and dropping the whole pack of hotdogs (including the packaging) inside.

"Yeah, I'll allow it," said Chris. "Team Golden Lion win." Jenny gave an enthusiastic cheer, and Danny and Korra gave a combined moan/cheer. Lincoln just threw up. "Now, let's see how the others are going."

"I'd say they're about neck and neck," said Chef. "Kevin has demolished that bag of flour, but as for the sugar…"

"Guys, you don't have to keep rolling your stuff in the sugar," said Kevin. "Seriously, I've got this."

"We're just helping," said Luz.

"Okay, but just so you know…" started Kevin, before showing them the bag. "This is what you've been rolling it in."

The others looked in the bag, then stared with varying levels of disgust. "Wait, we've been rolling our food in that?" asked Kim.

"Yep, that's what the flour looked like by the end as well," said Kevin. "Because you put all the greasy food straight into the bag and rolled it around, leaving the rest as a big mess."

"This is all my fault," said Mikey. "I suggested we do this, and now we have to face the consequences of it."

"Guys, it's not over yet," said Dipper. "We just have to…"

"And Team Checkmate has finished," said Chris.

"…okay, now it's over," said Dipper in a defeated tone.

"Indeed," said Chris. "Power Mouse, I'll be seeing you tonight. Oh, and you might want to finish that food, Chef won't be serving anything else for the day."

"I think we're good," said Kim, looking at the greasy remains of what they'd already eaten. "I think we're good for…ever-ish."

"Suit yourselves," said Chris with a shrug as he left.

Later, at the elimination ceremony…

"Okay Power Mouse, you know how this works," said Chris. "Five of you are about to share four marshmallows. And by that, I mean one of you isn't getting a marshmallow at all. That person will be walking down the Dock of Shame, boarding the Boat of Losers, and will never be allowed to return. Ever. The following campers are safe." As he read each name, Chris threw them a marshmallow. "Dipper. Kim. And Luz." The camera focused on Mikey and Kevin, both of whom looked pretty relaxed. "Campers, there is one marshmallow left. And it goes to…"

"Me," said Mikey.

"HEY! I'm the host, I get to read the name," said Chris.

"We already know it's Mikey," said Luz.

"You don't…" started Chris.

"He actually asked us to vote him off," said Kim. "He wanted to make up for encouraging us to ruin the flour and sugar Kevin was eating."

"To be fair…" said Kevin, suddenly looking sick. "I might have done it anyway."

Chris sighed in defeat. "Fine, whatever. Mikey, you're out."

"Goodbye everyone," said Mikey, as Chef led him away from the camp. "And sorry about making you sick, Kevin."

"Eh, I'll get over it," said Kevin, turning away from the camera to throw up.

"Well, there goes another one," said Chris. "Who will be the next contestant to blow chunks? You'll just have to find out, next time, on Total. Drama. Island."