"So has anyone heard from Rachel or Kurt?" Santana asked as the middle-age Breadstix waitress departed their table carting away their empty dinner plates.
Quinn, Puck, Mike and Mercedes all looked sympathetically at Finn as he cleared his throat to speak. "Ah, well Kurt wasn't sure what he wanted to do since, y'know, Blaine... I guess he figured he'd rather stay in New York for now. But our parents are planning to go out to visit him this weekend. He wants to take them Black Friday weekend shopping in the city." He paused to sip from his water thinking about Rachel and debating whether to tell his friends the news. He decided he'd keep it under wraps for now.
"You're not going' with them?" Puck asked, then received a pinch from Quinn as she gave him the 'just shut up already stupid' look that he'd come to know so well over the years.
"Well, Rachel emailed to complain about me not using the train ticket she got me yet. So I guess that means she's staying in New York as well. I might decide to visit them next weekend since I'm only here for three days," Quinn volunteered. She finally looked over at her ex-boyfriend and tried to smile. "Finn, I'm really sorry about how things went down with you two. I know I didn't support you both in the beginning with the whole teen marriage thing, but the truth is, you two are perfect for each other. And I think you'll both find your way back to one another again someday. In fact I'm sure of it."
"Yeah, maybe someday. Thanks Quinn," Finn shrugged and nodded softly with a hint of his signature half grin. Then he decided it was time to change the subject before he spilled the beans. He stood and raised his glass as he spoke to the group surrounding him. "So anyway, I wanna make a toast to our little Friendsgiving celebration here and now, to those of us who are present and even to those who are not... I love you guys, and I'm so thankful to call you all my friends. No, my family."
. . . . .
Two hours later, Finn found himself pacing nervously in his parent's livingroom. Burt and Carole were off at Burt's sisters for the holiday, having driven out a day early given the long commute. They had all but insisted he come with them, but Finn was adamant he needed to stay close to McKinley since he had projects he was working on and needed use of the choir room. He also assured them he'd be fine since Puck and many of his other friends were in town for the weekend. (He just left out details about the most important visitor he was expecting.)
He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, but tonight could be the pivotal change for everything in his future and the pressure was weighing down on him heavily. He had to get this right tonight. He checked his hair and straightened the collar of his shirt in the hall mirror one last time as he heard the doorbell chime.
"Hey Rachel," he greeted her with a warm smile as he opened the door.
"Hi Finn," she smiled back a little shyly as she stepped into the familiar home. The next thing she knew, his big strong arms were wrapped around her in a soft embrace and she reciprocated cautiously.
"I'm so glad you reached out to me, Rach. It's so good to see you again."
She nodded as they separated from their embrace. "You too, Finn. And well, of course, I missed my dads, and the idea of spending the holiday away from them was too much to bare this year. But they weren't my only reason for wanting to come back."
"Y'know, I really thought you were butt dialing again when you called the other night."
"I'd never do that Finn. Butt dial, that is... you know I still have my screen lock password protected, so I'm not even sure butt dialing is possible."
He chuckled softly. "Yeah, I guess that's true. Well uh, come on in, come sit down. How was your flight? You must be a little tired from traveling."
Rachel slipped out of her coat and Finn took it to hang in the hall closet while she took a seat on the sofa. When he joined her in the cozy space near the lit fire, Finn chose to sit in the arm chair directly across from her.
She smiled, only glancing at him occasionally as she watched her hands wringing together nervously in her lap. "The flight was okay. A little cramped, a few cranky passengers sitting behind me complaining about holiday travel most of the trip, but otherwise it wasn't bad. I got a nap in before I left JFK and grabbed a tall Starbucks when I landed, so I'm good."
He couldn't take his eyes off her. She looked more beautiful than ever in her navy blue cashmere sweater with the plunging neckline. Her cute pleated skirts had been upgraded to a slimming short black pencil skirt with black tights and spiky black heels that made her look sophisticated and, well, sexy as hell.
"Good. So..."
"So..."
After a nearly uncomfortably long pause in conversation, Finn spoke first. "Rach, not that I'm complaining at all, but... why did you wanna see me all of a sudden?"
Rachel took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She'd spent weeks thinking about Finn's no-contact ultimatum and simply couldn't rest on how things had been left between them since the night of Grease. "Finn, I... I wanted to say a few things. And I just felt like I needed to say them to you in person. You and I have had such a long, sometimes tumultuous past, but doing this over the phone just didn't seem right. But um, first, I want to thank you for lifting the no-contact embargo."
"Rachel, you don't need to thank me for that. I mean, it's Thanksgiving, and I just... well I was honestly glad you still wanted to see me at all. I know I said otherwise after the musical, but I think I was just kinda hurt at the moment and spoke outta spite. Truth is, when I went home that night and thought it through, I knew I didn't mean it. I almost called you dozens of times to say so... I never wanna be away from you. Even if we are just friends now, I don't want to lose that connection with you. I mean, yeah it'll probably hurt, especially with you seeing another guy, but—"
"I'm not."
"What?"
"I'm not seeing another guy."
"But... I thought, you and Brody...?"
"Brody can enjoy himself with Cassandra or whomever else he chooses."
"Oh. I thought... I thought you were so close to him now that you were crying over him the last time I saw you."
Rachel hugged her middle and tilted her head slightly, almost embarrassed. "Well, maybe I let you believe that at the time, but that wasn't really why I was crying. Maybe partly, but not the entire reason."
He locked eyes with her and leaned forward a little, bringing himself a tiny bit closer toward her. He cleared his throat and searched her face. "So uh, why were you crying then?"
Rachel turned her chin down, her hair falling in a soft curtain around her face, then she peered up into his pleading amber eyes. "You know, I thought I would be okay sitting through the play that night. I thought, hey it's just a musical, one I've seen the movie for a million times, and it was so long ago that I thought I could stay immune to it... but then the big final number came up and I... I saw..."
"Us." He finished her sentence as she nodded.
"Yeah. I didn't expect to feel so emotional about it, and we didn't even ever do the full song in costume or anything, but... well, the memory of that first glee rehearsal with you just slammed into me and I was a bit overwhelmed."
"Me too, Rach," he said in a near whisper as he reached out for her hand. She didn't pull back from him as he wrapped his fingers loosely around hers and he was grateful. "It was uh, kinda hard rehearsing that play and especially THAT scene with the cast. And I meant what I said, that I was mostly thinking what would Rachel do... because I honestly couldn't stop thinking about you through the whole thing anyway."
She placed her free hand atop their joined ones in her lap. "Finn. Listen, I know we're in two different places now, and our lives seem to be moving in different directions... NEW directions, if you will. I was so hurt by your unilateral decision to send me to New York alone while you chose to not join me without even discussing things with me first. I thought you didn't want me anymore. I know we've talked about that day, and I now know why you made those choices, but it still hurts, even now."
He sighed and held her hand a little tighter, a pang of guilt rushing through him once again. "I'm sorry, Rach. I'm so sorry I hurt you... it literally almost KILLED me to know I hurt you like that. But I'm still not sorry I sent you there. It's where you belong."
She nodded, having since made peace with the ghosts of that day and understanding his actions at the most basic level were done out of love. "I know. But where do you belong Finn? Have you figured it out yet? Because if you haven't, I want to help you. And you're going to let me this time."
He looked away nervously. She wasn't aware that he had news to share with her, too; he just wasn't sure how she was going to take it. And now hearing her insist she was going to be there for him, that she still even wanted to be a friend and to support him in that way, it warmed his soul to the core and filled him with hope.
"Yeah... um. I've done a lot of thinking too, Rach. Look, I know I could've handled a lot of things differently last year and especially these past few months. I gotta be honest, being back here in glee club has helped so much... but being away from you has been just, well it's just plain sucked." His grip on her hand tightened as he reached out to take her other hand as well. "I've missed you so much, Rachel."
"I've missed you too, Finn, more than you know," she whispered with tear filled eyes. "I've been doing my best to survive in New York alone. It's been really hard sometimes. Kurt's been a big help and him being there takes the edge off the loneliness, but there are some things that even he can't do for me. He can't cuddle me when I'm freaking out in my bed at night worried about my next class performance. He doesn't know just the right way to hold me or the right words to say to give my confidence the boost it needs. There's only one person in the world who knows those things about me, who can read my crazy thoughts without me having to say a word... assuming he hasn't forgotten."
"Never."
She smiled at his immediate response. "Good... I'm glad. Finn, I... I want us to be... more. I mean, friends is nice, and I know– or well, I hope we'll ALWAYS be friends. But you and I, we were never just friends, were we?"
"No we weren't. And I'm not sure that we can ever be just friends. We've tried that before, remember? And it kinda ended up blowing up on us." Finn smirked a bit thinking about their stolen kisses during sophomore year and how often he longed to hold her and be near her when she wasn't his. Whether it was Quinn or Jesse or even their own stubbornness coming between them, he just always wanted more. He always wanted HER.
"So we agree then? Friendship alone isn't enough. And being nothing to each is other is just NOT an acceptable option either. Not for me anyway, and I really hope not for you."
"You could never be nothing to me, Rachel Berry. You'll always be everything to me," he said as he cupped her cheek softly. She leaned into his touch closing her eyes as a single tear streamed down and trickled around his fingers.
"I miss my best friend, Finn. You're my everything, too. I got too used to having you in my life, and even with all this time and distance, I just don't know how to be without you. Well, I guess I CAN be, but it's so much harder... And despite the tough, modern girl in the city facade I've been putting up, inside I'm still this scared little girl from Lima trying to make it in the big city alone. Then something occurred to me; I don't know why we never even discussed the possibility of trying a long distance relationship. Because I realize now, it was never fair for me to just expect you to relocate to be with me. I was selfish and not thinking enough about what you needed like I should have been. But that doesn't mean I don't wish you were there with me... all the time."
He slid off his chair to kneel in front of her, still holding one of her hands in his and still cupping her cheek. "What if I told you you didn't have to wish."
Her deep brown eyes widened as she looked at him expectantly. "What do you mean, Finn?"
"After our 'official' last breakup in the auditorium, I knew I had to get my shit together. Yeah, I kinda freaked out for a little longer after you left and went back to NYC, but mostly I was scared I'd lost you forever. Then I thought about WHY. Why was I letting myself lose you? Because Rach, I know it's my own fault. I was scared and unsure of myself. I thought I needed to just KNOW everything and have all the answers when we graduated. I didn't believe in myself the way you always believed in me, and especially after you were gone it was too easy to believe I was destined to be the Lima Loser.
"Then I realized I was being just as insecure about myself and my future as you had been in high school about us, about your worth compared to other girls... about whether or not you were good enough me. Which was STUPID by the way, because I so very did NOT deserve you. You were always so much better than me, Rachel. At least that's how I always looked at it. You were more talented, more self-assured, more driven... and I got to a point of realizing that thinking that way is exactly how I lost you."
She started to argue. "But you never really lost me though, Finn..."
"But I did. I walked away first. I thought I had to because I ASSUMED you would eventually leave me anyway. I assumed I'd just hold you back and you'd figure it out at some point and cut your losses. And then of course, Brody seemed to prove all my fears true... But after what you said to me that day in the auditorium, it finally sunk into my thick skull: You wouldn't do that to me. Ever. You'd never just leave me based on my successes or failures. You've always always believed in me and supported me and made me feel like I could do anything. You stuck by me, even after so many times I screwed up or hurt you in the past, and I don't know how I lost sight of that fact.
"So it ignited a fire in me to get my act together. To finally BE that guy. That leader. That someone special you always said I was. And there were so many things I let block me and I was such an ass to you... because I realized all I was doing was hurting you even more while I was being the sad sack, drowning in my own pity party. But I was also hurting myself and holding myself back. So, no more. I did finally figure things out, Rach."
"You did?"
"Yeah. I think I wanna teach. Kinda like Mr Schue."
"Really? You want to be a teacher? Oh Finn, that couldn't be more perfect a fit for you!"
"You think so?"
"Of course I do! You're a natural leader, you have the patience of a saint – well, with me you always have, at least – you're charismatic, and people just LOVE you, Finn. They respect you and your opinions, and YES. I think teaching is the exact right fit for you!"
He smiled a wide dimpled grin and held both her hands again. "I'm glad you agree. Anyway, so I spoke to Miss Pillsbury again, and we researched some other schools. I applied to a bunch of new places. And I was pretty freaked out waiting, because yeah, I could still be rejected, but if I got in, I'd be starting out late, like a year behind everyone else. And even if I got some grant money – which turns out I do qualify for – I'd still need to take out student loans to cover the costs, but Mom and Burt said they'd help too... and well, anyway. I got all the responses back last week and I actually got accepted at three schools."
"Oh my god Finn, that's amazing!" She launched herself into his arms and hugged him tight. "I'm so proud of you! Where? Where were you accepted?"
He leaned back to look her in the eyes, brushing her bangs away from her face. "Cleveland State, Montclair State in New Jersey... and Queens College. Cleveland was only my safety school; it's not my first pick."
Rachel's face was the picture of surprise as his news sunk in. "Finn? Are you... are you serious? You realize you chose schools that are less than hour from Manhattan."
"Well, I chose schools that I had the best chance of being accepted to and that offered the best financial aid, and also that had good music teaching programs."
"And that ALSO happen to be within reasonable commuting distance from Bushwick," she added knowingly.
He flashed his signature half smile bashfully. "Added bonus."
She bit her bottom lip, knowing which answer she hoped to hear. "Which school did you decide on?"
"Queens."
"Oh my god Finn! OH MY GOD! Finn! This means... this means... what does this mean?"
He moved to sit next to her on the sofa. "This means I'm in the market for a place to stay. It'd be great of I had a roommate or two to share expenses with, but I guess I have time to sort that out, seeing that I won't start school until next fall. Although, I was kinda hoping to get settled there a lot sooner and maybe find a job."
Rachel's smile started slow and stretched from ear to ear, blinding him with her pearly whites. The next thing Finn knew, she was in his lap kissing him til he lost his senses.
"Wow... what was that for?" He said breathlessly with his forehead leaning against hers.
"That was for how proud of you I am... and how much I love you."
He cradled her cheeks in his large palms. "Yeah? You still love me, even after how bad I screwed things up?"
She nodded and stole several more sweet soft kisses. As his hands moved to tangle in her hair her arms wrapped around the back of his neck, tickling him at the nape. "I thought I made it clear before, Finn Hudson... You were my first love. And I still want you to be my last... if that's what you still want."
"Apart from kissing you that first time in the auditorium, I don't think I ever wanted anything more."
"Then love me, Finn Hudson. Prove it to me."
Rising up from the sofa with a strong arm wrapped around her, he held her firmly against his chest, grabbed the quilt from the back of the sofa and walked them over to the fireplace. He dropped the quilt to the floor and crashed his lips to hers with urgency. They quickly peeled off each other's clothes and found themselves in a very familiar position, wrapped in one another's arms on the quilt by the fire.
. . . . .
One Year Later...
"We want to thank you all for making it to our first official Friendsgiving dinner, New York style!" Rachel announced to the dinner table. She looked around at the smiling faces of all her glee family and felt the sting of tears prickle her eyes. "This year I am so thankful for all of you, who still love and support me – and one another – even if we do it from afar... but mostly, this year I'm thankful for this beautiful man sitting next to me, for finally believing in himself as much as I've always believed in him."
Rachel's glittering engagement ring twinkled in the candlelight of the room as she placed her hand against his jaw and turned to kiss her fiance.
"And I'm thankful that this gorgeous girl here said YES a second time, because without her there is no GLEE in my life. I love you, Rach," Finn said as he deepened their kiss for an uncomfortably long time in front of their roomful of guests.
"Alright alright, enough you two! God, don't Satan and I suffer through enough of this every day just living with you two? If you really wanted to show some thanks, you'd GET A ROOM outside this loft once in a while!" Kurt screeched.
"Yeah, living in the Finchel love nest is not exactly a walk in the park. 'Oh Finn! YES Finn! Baby, love me! Harder! Faster!'... 'Fuck Rach, you feel so good! I'm coming!' – GAG!" Santana mocked her roommates and made a gesture as if placing her finger in her throat, then turned to face Kurt. "Kurtsy girl, I think maybe you and I need to find alternative living arrangements soon."
Without breaking apart from their kiss, Finn flipped a different kind of holiday bird at Santana. "Been there, regretted that," she snarked back at him in response.
"Okay guys, leave them alone. They're happy and in love, even if they ARE ruining everyone's appetites," Quinn chastised her friends with a smirk as Puck chuckled next to her slapping Finn on the back approvingly.
"Get some Huddy!" Puck chortled.
. . . . .
Once all their guests had departed, Finn and Rachel sat together on the couch in their loft, alone at last. Their roommates had chosen to follow the rest of their guests to Callbacks for a nightcap and some dancing, while the newly re-engaged couple had decided to take advantage of quiet time in an empty apartment.
"I think it all went pretty well, don't you?" Rachel mused out loud.
"Mmhmm, dinner was awesome, babe. You did a great job cooking all that food on your own. Next year you need to let me help, though."
"Your idea of helping would only lead to burned food," she giggled.
"What, I can't help it that I see your 'kiss the cook' apron and have to do as it instructs," he smirked as he leaned in to nibble at her neck. "Seriously though babe, everything was really terrific. And I mean it. YOU are what I'm most thankful for," he said honestly.
"And you are what I'm most thankful for, too. I love you so much," she said kissing him soundly.
"I love you too, baby..." A devilish twinkle gleamed in his eyes. "Now I think it's time for some pumpkin pie and extra whipped cream."
"Finn, you just ate a mountain of food and we just put all the dishes in the dishwasher!"
"I won't need a plate for the dessert I have in mind," he winked lasciviously and she caught on immediately.
"You get the food, I'll meet you in the bedroom," she muttered against his lips before slipping out of his embrace and dashing off to their room.
Finn jumped up from the couch and ran to the kitchen, smiling to himself. "Best. Thanksgiving. EVER."