Bella POV

Athenodora seemed pleasant to talk to, for the lack of better words. Although, perhaps most of it was- she just wasn't pushing for the conversation and simply just sat across from me as I ate a ham and cheese sandwich, in silence. Occasionally, she would look at me with a look that I couldn't figure out what it meant or just say something to get me out of my mind, and out of my thoughts. But she wasn't insisting on a conversation, which I appreciated.

Eventually, my stomach screamed in protest after around four or five bites of my sandwich. Most of the sandwich was pretty much uneaten, split into two triangles and on the side, was just a bit of fruit. Most of the fruit was gone, with a couple of pieces left. Noticing the lack of food that was pretty much eaten, Athenodora raised an eyebrow,

"You need to eat more," She insisted. "You're already so thin as it is. It won't do you any good by simply not eating."

"I'm full," I murmured, pushing the plate back.

"Already? Girl, you barely ate anything," Athenodora commented. "But alright if you say so… Do you want to head back to where I'm sure Caius is at?"

I nodded.

Without another word, Athendora ordered one of the human staff to store and put it away, so I could eat it later before we headed upwards in the castle. We took the elevator up to make things a lot easier, particularly on me more than anything.

"May I ask why you're still here? I thought you would take your leave by now. Caius mentioned that you haven't found your mate yet," I asked.

Athenodora was quiet for a few, before she responded,

"I'm just getting my current affairs in order. I've been here for so long that I would honestly feel terrible if I just ghosted some of these people that I have really good connections with. I know Didyme and Sulpicia will miss me terribly when I'm gone. It's also the reason why we planned a shopping trip so that we can enjoy one last activity together, but also to get to know you better. I'll take my leave in a few days, whether or not I come back is up to fate, or whatever celestial being is up there, in case you're curious."

"You could stay as long as you need. I don't mind. Honestly, I've been trying to adjust to this life more than anything."

"Right," Athenodora said.

We didn't say anything else during the rest of the elevator ride, or when Athenodra walked me towards Caius's room, which was fine by me. I don't think I was really in the mood to actually have more of a conversation towards someone, right now. I just wanted peace and quiet, one where I could just lock myself in a room and only move enough to the point where someone didn't think I was dead- with zero contact from the outside world.

I knew that sounded selfish of me, but I was tired. I felt like I was being paraded around, being their pet human that was their poor thing whose heart was broken. I was honestly getting tired of it. I hated the fact that they would always look at me like I was a poor thing, one that was sadly broken. Or when they would ask me, almost everyday, how I was doing? If I was doing better? Or that it felt like I was disappointing them that things can't get magically fixed in a day.

I wished they would understand there were good days and bad days. The good days where I would magically feel like I was returning back to my socialized self, from before when the pain had started. The days where it seemed like the voices were quiet and they weren't telling me that it wasn't my fault that the Cullens didn't leave me, that Edward didn't leave me, whatsoever. Those days where it felt like I actually had a chance in being 'normal' or whatever that was.

But the bad days felt like when everything came crashing down, where I wouldn't want anything more than to lay underneath the covers and pretend the outside world didn't exist. Where the outside world felt like it was too much to bear, and where those voices were the loudest- how I didn't deserve anyone in the world, or how I didn't deserve the love and patience that Caius provided me at times. He was my safe space.

I think perhaps today was just one of those days. I felt more exhausted- my body heavy with exhaustion- but it wasn't that kind of exhaustion where I could sleep for a long time, but simply the exhaustion that my body feels like it is simply done fighting in its everyday battle. A day where I just feel like everything was doing too much and I'm just feeling I'm stuck, trying to figure out what the point of life actually was.

It didn't take long to reach Caius's quarters with Athenodora just knocking on the door only once before she opened the door. Caius stood in the middle of the room, looking as if someone had upsetted him, through the way, ager radiated off of him.. I briefly wondered what had made him this angry but I wasn't even sure if he was going to tell me whatsoever. I looked next to me at Athenodora with her expression blank and oddly calm. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised that she had seen him like this before.

Caius noticed our presence rather quickly, but didn't bother saying a word to us.

"I have delivered your mate back to you in peace," Athenodora said, breaking the silence that filled the room. "And don't worry. I haven't harmed a single piece of her hair on her head, so you don't have to worry about that… Perhaps, it's a good thing considering what it looked like you decided to be overdramatic on something…"

"Athenodora, leave," Caius ordered.

Athenodora only smiled in response, before she headed out of Caius's room. We stood in silence for a few moments, the anger dissipating off of Caius.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this," Caius apologized. "I don't want to see you scared of me, considering you're just now being able to trust me."

"It's fine," I told him, "May I ask what happened?"

I looked around the room and it looked like it had been hastily cleaned back up pretty much. Some art supplies was still scattered on the ground, and it looked like something was hurled towards the wall- as there were several paint chips on the wall. Ones that weren't there earlier.

"It's nothing of importance," Caius told me. "Nothing that I don't want you to worry about whatsoever."

I didn't say anything.

"Did you have fun?" Caius asked, changing the subject.

"It was fine," I murmured, not meeting his gaze.

Caius quickly noticed my discomfort and quickly held me in his arms. Strong arms wrapped around me, giving me the comfort that I desired. I quickly relaxed in his arms, wishing that this moment would never end. Oh, how much I craved this kind of comfort for someone.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"No," I murmured. "Can you just leave me alone, please? I really just want to left alone, right now."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"I'll be fine," I told him. "Honestly. I won't do anything."

"If you're sure."

With that, Caius let me go out of his embrace.

"Just call either me or one of the guards if you need something," Caius told me before he headed out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the voices that just seemed a little too loud right now. Everything just felt too much.

I heard the door swing shut, and soon after that, the tears started coming. Then sobs and sniffles came- at first, I tried to quiet them, but damn living with vampires and their hearing. They were bound to hear it anyway, so it didn't matter. And simply just cried myself into more exhaustion than anything.

It was rather comforting- to lay in a bed too big for me, with the only comfort I had was with the pillows on the bed and a blanket over me, giving me the solace I wanted. Everything about this felt familiar as I've done too much of this in the last several months, crying over him, or when the voices became too much to deal with.

I've found myself near exhaustion and a brief thought came over before sleep lured me over: I don't know how much longer I can deal with this pain anymore.

Updated (November 10th, 2024): We are almost done with this story. I have the next chapter partially written so hopefully, I'll have that up tomorrow after work. Check this story out on Ao3!