Trigger warning: Self Harm

It was a normal night, the four brothers jumped from building to building as they patrolled the city on their regular route.

It was common to save a person or two throughout the night, this night was no different as they set their sites on a woman being cornered by about five purple dragon scum.

Leo was first to act, everyone followed as each brother took on an opponent. Purple dragon punks weren't hard to fight whatsoever.

"Stay vigilant!" Leo shouted.

Raph rolled his eyes as he purposely landed in front of the biggest one of the gangsters. "Yeah,yeah! Let's dance." He smirked as he threw the first punch,

Mikey made his way effortlessly to the woman who, despite help arriving, still had a punk hovering over her. He wielded his signature nunchucks and made quick work of kicking the man away.

"Dude, did you not see your pals getting cornered?!" These guys didn't really have a moral code- but still! Not backing up your comrades was low.

The woman shrieked and took that opportunity to run.

"It's a Friday night! You guys are so lame for being out here- don't you have better things to do?" Mikey quipped as the man charged towards him. Mikey easily sent him flying into the nearest dumpster.

His brothers fought further back behind him in the alley way, quickly finishing up their own fights.

Mikey looked around, suddenly paranoid. 'Weren't their five of these guys? Where is the other-'

That's when he saw it, the fifth piece of crap. He was hiding behind the dumpster that Mikey had just thrown his friend into.

He looked determined as he quickly jumped from behind the dumpster. That's when Mikey saw it, the gleam of a gun being pulled out from the thugs pocket.

He aimed at the nearest fighting brother- Raphael. He was close enough to get a good shot and everyone was so wrapped up in their fights that no one noticed the gun in the dimly lit alley.

No one but Mikey who was charging desperately at the man. He swung his nunchuck, not considering the strength behind the swing.

A sickening crunch met Mikey's ears as the man crumpled. Mikey froze- he had broken noses, gave concussions, broken a jaw or two but this…was different.

With a sickening realization Mikey crouched down, the man's head was in a weird angle- his eyes wide open. As Mikey checked his pulse his fears were confirmed- he had just killed someone.

"Ey Mikey! Get your shell over here! We've got to get outta here, cops are coming!"

Mikey backed away, he numbly turned to catch up with his brother who had already scaled up the nearest fire exit.

As he pulled himself onto the rooftop he felt his stomach giving way as bile filled his throat. He quickly turned away from his brothers and emptied his stomach of the dinner he had consumed only hours before.

"Shell Mikey!" Raph exclaimed, clearly disgusted.

"S-sorry dudes, must have ate too much earlier."

Leo put a comforting hand on Mikey's shoulder as Don made his way over and gave him a quick Look over. "You sure you're not hurt?"

Mikey felt guilt rip at his heart, "no, I just…um. I'm just tired."

Leo sighed, "well it's been a long night, I say we quit a little early, that sound good?"

Donnie and Mikey nodded- Raph let out a growl but also nodded. "Might as well, can't have Mikey throwing up everywhere..gross."

And so it was a quick retreat to the lair as each turtle went and settled into their regular hobby's and activities before bed.

Leo went to report the evenings festivities to Master Splinter.

Raph mindlessly enjoyed some kind of violent movie marathon in the living area.

Don, as usual, happily buried himself in yet another project in his lab.

Normally Mikey would have joined Raph and pestered him or maybe tried to convince him to play a video game- but tonight was very different.

Instead, he quietly shuffled to his room and shut the door. It was hard to make jokes and appear normal to his brothers as they made their way back to the lair earlier.

He felt numb. He had just killed a man and here he was trying to just get to his damn room.

Now that he was in the comfort of his room- he completely broke down.

"I didn't mean to- I didn't. I just wanted to save my brothers. I just…"

Mikey buried his face in his hands as he laid back in his bed. He finally let his arms fall beside him as he stared at the ceiling. Tears streamed down his face, staining the sheets under him.

"I…murdered someone."

That sent him back into another hyperventilating episode as he turned on his side and put his hand over his mouth.

He couldn't tell anyone, his brothers would be disgusted with him. They were all he had- all he would ever have. Mikey then realized with sick realization that he would have to take this to his grave.

Not without some kind of punishment though…he needed to pay for what he did. Mikey knew what he did was unforgivable…how do you atone for such a sin?

Mikey sat up from his bed and thought long and hard about what he could do. He hurt someone- killed them….he deserved to hurt too.

So, without thinking, he brought his fist down on his other arm, over and over and over until he was shaking from pain.

'I'll just blame it on the fight.' Mikey thought grimly. For some reason every time he felt a flash of pain he would feel better. Like he was constantly paying back the pain he had caused.

He allowed himself to collapse back to his side, 'it's not enough…' he thought to himself as he fell into a restless sleep. Plagued by the sounds and sights that his mistake had lead to.

And so the angst begins!