Stanley Asked for Help: Angry Mob
Monday (day 15)
Mystery Shack, 8 AM
Caryn Pines sat down behind the register next to the entrance to the Shack with Stan standing before her.
"Ok, we open at 10 AM and operate until 4 PM. Next to you is a list of what's for sale and how much it costs. There is a maximum of twenty people per tour. Kids under two can come in for free and don't count toward this limit."
Caryn rolled her eyes at her son's antics. "Stanley, I helped your father run the pawn shop for years. I am more than capable of operating a simple register."
Stan sighed. "I know, but I've also got another cashier starting next Saturday. Think of this as a practice run to introduce her to how to operate this."
Caryn smiled at him. "Ok then, continue with your speech."
Stan nodded before continuing. "The only other discount is the lifetime pass holder Mary Rimerez. A picture of her, her mom, Anna, and her brother, Diego, is on the register. The pass lets Anna have one free ticket, one half-off ticket, and two free snacks for $1 or less. She got it for coming up with the name Mystery Shack.' Her family's first language is Spanish; they love it if you use it correctly around them. There's a Spanish-to-English dictionary under the register if you want to review it for them.
"Mary's also the biggest reason for the cashier position. Her mom wasn't thrilled with her daughter spending so much time unsupervised around me, so she asked if I could get a chaperone. I decided to roll it into the cashier position. She also insisted that she gets veto rights on said cashier, so try and stay on her good side."
Caryn smirked at him. "Where do you think you got your charm from Stan? I'll have her eating out of the palm of my hand in no time. Are you really that scared of a little lady?"
"He should be."
"AHH!"
Caryn jumped out of her seat and whirled around to face Anna Ramerez. She then rapidly backed up to stand beside Stan, who looked at her with surprise.
"You're here early, Anna."
She just shrugged. "I came to talk to you about your father."
Stan groaned when she said that. "What did he do?"
"He stayed the night at the local motel, and the owner spread the word. There is already an angry mob lining up to chase him down."
Stan's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Really?"
Anna gave Stan a smile. "Your dad kicked out a believed community member over a dumb mistake when he was in high school. Are you really surprised?"
"Someone else in town was kicked out by him? Who?"
Anna gave him a look of surprise before turning into understanding.
"It's you, Stan. The town likes you and hates Filbrock for what he did to you."
Stan didn't cry, but someone must have been chopping onions, and their juice got blown by the wind in his direction because they started watering.
"You mean it?"
She nodded with a sincere smile on her face. Her grin then transformed into a mischievous smile.
"Also, we haven't had a good excuse to form an angry mob in a while. Those are always fun. Want to join us? We're planning on tarring and feathering him."
…
"Where did you get the tar, and what kind of feathers?"
The Mow-tell
Filbrick would never know why anyone thought a lawnmower-themed motel was a good idea. Every carpet was green, the rooms had air fresheners that smelled like cut grass, and the front desk only had lawnmower magazines.
He was not impressed.
Unfortunately, it was the only motel in this valley. He would have preferred to head back home immediately, but his wife had the keys to the rental car.
Was it ex-wife?
No, it wasn't. She hasn't filled out the paperwork yet, so he could still convince her otherwise.
He signed and sat in his room, staring at a turned-off TV.
Why was she so mad? Was thinking that Stan killed Ford in a fit of anger really that out there? Stan had a history of letting his emotions lead him to do dumb stuff. He ruined his swankiest gold chain out of a childish idea of a Father's Day gift, stole his teacher's glass eye because she gave Stanford a -A, and broke his brother's meal ticket because he was jealous Ford was going places and he wasn't.
Stan ruined everything he touched, and it would only be a matter of time before he ruined the search for his brother as well. As soon as he could, he was reporting this freaky town to the government and let them deal with the portal. With the amount of taxes he paid, they should have no problem getting it to work.
When they got Ford back without Stan's help, then Ma would see how wrong she was.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
Filbrock sighed and walked to the door.
"Who is it?"
An elderly woman, who sounded like she was speaking from the other side, responded, "Housekeeping, sir! I'm here to make your sheets nice and clean."
"The sheets are fine. I'm not paying extra for new sheets."
"Oh, don't worry about that, sir. This is on the house. Another guest reported bed bugs, and we've decided to replace all the sheets just in case."
Filbrock always scowled, but now he was scowling for a reason.
"Fine, but I expect a discount for the inconvenience."
He opened the door and looked at the old woman with a nametag labeled "Ma" standing before him with a cart of sheets.
She then quickly shoved it and herself to the side as a man as big as himself and five times as muscular stepped from the blind spot, grabbed him by his collar, and threw him into the pool 30 feet away with a single toss.
"WHAT!"
SPLASH
Filbrock coughed as he tried to keep himself afloat after being unexpectedly thrown into a pool with no warning. As soon as his head was above water and his eyes were clear enough, he crawled out of the pool and yelled in the man's direction.
"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA YOU BASTARD?"
"YOU!"
Filbrick turned around and saw a massive crowd of people armed with pitchforks, torches, axes, scythes, brooms, and even a few shotguns.
"What is the meaning of this?"
A lady in a flowery dress and a man with nametags reading "Pa" stepped forward. The lady was holding a rolling pin while Pa had a baseball bat.
"You're the father of Stanly Pines? The one that kicked him out?"
Filbrock looked at the lady before sighing.
"He's at 618 Gopher Road. I only got into town yesterday from New Jersey after not seeing him for ten years, so whatever he did to warrant this angry mob, I had nothing to do."
Pa shook his head. "That's not what we asked, sonny."
You couldn't see it through his spare glasses, but Filbrock rolled his eyes.
"Yes, I kicked that good-for-nothing layabout out of the house. He cost my son Ford his chance at millions! Now I find out Ford is missing, and Stan is butchering the rescue mission! Sometimes, I wonder if it would have been better if I threw him out sooner!"
The mob stood in silence as Filbrock finished ranting before the lady nodded with a smile on her face.
"Thanks for confirming that for us."
Her face then contorted into one of anger.
"GET EM! GET EM!"
She then readily hit Filbrock with her rolling pin while Pa did the same with his baseball bat. Filbrock held up his hands to ward off the attacks as the rest of the mob converged on him.
"What are you doing!?"
Filbrock turned to run from the mob, dodging rocks and trash being thrown at him as he was chased down Main Street. The mob yelled insults after him as he ran.
"Get him!"
"He hurt Stanley!"
"No one hurts a Faller and get away with it!"
"I love angry mobs!"
Filbrock dodged through alleys to avoid them, but his unfamiliarity with the town prevented that from working. He tried hiding in buildings, but every door was locked, and breaking the windows would alert them to his location. He even considered hiding behind a car or in a dumpster! Unfortunately (for him), the mob stayed close enough on his toes to prevent him from being out of sight of them long enough to do that.
Soon, he saw a car with an open door and sprinted faster than he had ever run in his life. He slid into the driver's seat and-
"TAG!"
"GOT YOU!"
He was immediately tacked out by two Hispanic preteens and pinned to the ground by their weight and surprise. The rest of the mob converged on them seconds later, forcing him to his feet.
"Great job, Mary and Diego!"
As the two kids cheered, Filbrock's shirt was ripped off, and he was frog-marched over to a barrel of tar.
Filbrock just looked baffled at the town's entire population converging on him.
"Why are you doing this?"
Manley Dan picked him up by his legs and held him suspended over the barrel.
"It's just Stanley Pines!"
Dan turned him so he could look the man in the eye.
"He's not JUST Stanley. He's our Stanley."
He then began to dunk him to the cheers of the crowd as Stan and Caryn stood slightly behind him and watched the spectacle.
Caryn was looking at the tarring with a combination of fascination, enjoyment, horror, and envy.
Stanley was paying more attention to the crowd. He counted the faces and found that 90% of the town was there. The only ones that weren't were the Northwests, their staff, the kids (except the Ramierezs), the Sherif and Deputy, and the weird denizens. Even then, he noticed Handwitch and a few others in trench coats in the crowd.
Are all these people making his life hell for me? Do they really care for me that much?
He was able to shack himself out of it to watch Manley, who then handed him over to Heath, who then dipped him in a barrel filled with feathers, readily leaving him looking like a chicken.
"Ok then, folks, shows over!"
The crowd looked in disappointment as the sheriff walked up, with the Deputy following behind him with a backpack, dragging a lemonade stand on wheels.
"I know we all hate him, and I'm halfway tempted to throw him in the local maximum-security jail, but the law is clear.
"You can only tar and feather someone if it's part of an official pinata trial."
The town began to murmur in disappointment while the Deputy spoke up.
"I know this is disappointing, but how about a glass of fresh lemonade to support the police? I made it myself with freshly squeezed tomatoes and mustard!"
The town recoiled from the disaster masquerading as a drink as Stan's interest was peaked by the sheriff's earlier comment.
"Hay Sherif! What's a pinata trial?"
The town then realized Stan was there and backed away enough for him to have an unobstructed view of Filbrock lying on the ground while coated in tar and feathers.
"When a family has angered the entire town, they can be tarred and feathered before being suspended by rope three feet above the ground. Each town folk can then take turns whacking each family member as many times as they want with the understanding that when they are done, they will forfeit all right to revenge. After the entire town has done it, the member that has been hit the most is banished from the valley forever. If they are ever seen again, they will be imprisoned in peanut brittle and placed in the cellar of shame under the candy store."
Caryn looked at the Sherif in confusion at the strange law, and Stanly's face turned into a massive grin.
"Hay Anna. Didn't you say that the rope swings at the playground ride too high above the ground?"
Anna immediately figured out what Stan was asking and gained a predatory grin that would make Manotaurs run in fear.
"Three feet above it. And there's a large tree there perfect for suspending a man."
He nodded and turned to the Sheriff.
"May I suggest a better way to raise money? In exchange for a 50-50 split, of course."
10 minutes later
"OW! OW! OW!"
Filbrock yelped in pain as Mary Darling laid into him with a baseball bat. To their left were Stan and Caryn, sitting on the swings, enjoying the show. In front of them was the lemonade stand from earlier with a new sign that Mary Ramerez had made.
$5 a hit for Filbrock, Stanley, or Ma Pines! Make your vote for banishment heard!
The Deputy sat behind it to watch the register while the sheriff watched over the pinata to ensure no one aimed for the head or took extra swings without paying.
"All right, that's your four swings, ma'am. Please hand me that bat."
Mary nodded and handed it over before walking over to Stan.
"I'm sorry you got settled with a sad sack like that for a dad. Just know that this town cares about you and that you are loved."
Stan looked at her with a sad smile on his face.
"Thanks, kid."
He then turned to the massive line that looped through town, especially at Anna, who, with a feral grin and a steel pipe in her hands, handed the deputy a $100 bill.
"This means a lot."
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I have decided to cap this series at 29 chapters, that way it will end with the year. I am not 100% happy with the in universe pasing and how I have been jumping from one idea to the next with no break, so when I do this again, I plan on setting up a timeline and outline from the start before writing my first chapter.
I have them all written up, and the final chapter is over 6k words.
I have a if you want to support me and my New Year's resolution of posting one fanfic of 2k words or more weekly. This is also being posted on , AO3, and Tumbler.
Remove all the spaces from the URLs to get them to work.
: : / / w w w . user?u=10132890
. c o m : : / / w w w . s/14051718/1/luz–appreciation–week–2022–from–1228248
AO3: : / / works/52823413/chapters/133608991
Tumbler: : / / w w w . blog/brianedner
I am also doing fanfic info dumps, like wiki articles that go one episode at a time, with some compilations at the end on specific topics sorted by episode.
Fanfic info dumps here: : / / w w w . 1228248/gallery