Jack wasn't chosen for the mission to the colony. Horizon, was it? Yeah, Horizon. They were supposed to go on a mission to Illium, maybe - Jack wasn't entirely in the loop, and he was ultimately fine with that - to recruit another member for the team, but rescuing a colony in the midst of a Collector raid was certainly something to stop the presses.

Where there still physical newspapers anymore? As he turned a page of the novel he'd bought on their last time to Omega, Perversions of Shanxi, a series of essays about the xenophobia and racism of Cerberus, he vaguely considered the question. Almost everything here was on a screen, after all, but he eventually shook his head and got back to reading.

It was about 2:50 AM, actually, he was an hour early, but that wasn't so bad. Living in the Wastes had taught him the hard way how to sleep wherever, whenever, and if he was up a few hours longer, c'est la vie, he'd be fine. Nothing some coffee and an early-evening nap couldn't fix. This time he was sitting on an ottoman, but when he heard Tali coming, he moved back to his couch. (Yes, his couch. No one else had claimed it for 3 AM, so finders keepers).

Tali looked worse for wear: her shoulders were slumped, she smelled like soot, and she was practically dragging her feet instead of walking. Nobody had told him how Horizon went, although from what he'd gathered from the brief glances he'd gotten at Garrus and the Commander's faces, it hadn't ended well.

Jack put his book face-down in his lap. Bad for the spine, he knew.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Tali shook her head.

"I don't feel like talking tonight." she said dully.

"Okay," Jack said. "Would you rather I leave?"

Tali looked at him, up and down, then said, "I don't know."

"Alright," Jack said. "Then I'll be here."

(He had hoped against hoped that she would say yes, but it was fine. He was fine with it. Totally.)

Tali nodded, and sat down on the ottoman, face in her hands. Or, helmet in her hands. Jack thought. Y'know, it didn't matter, she clearly wasn't happy.

Jack laid down on the couch and continued reading, deeply amused when the description of a Cerberus operative very similar to Miranda showed up.

Eventually, however, Tali asked, "What are you reading?"

Jack closed the book and held it up to her. "A collection of essays about why Cerberus is evil."

Tali snorted. "Of course you are. Have you showed it to Miranda?"

"Well, I mean," Jack said slowly. "Not in her face, but y'know - she's seen me reading it."

Tali shook her head. "Ridiculous."

"She's not pissed about it," Jack said. "Too pissed about it. She hasn't mentioned it, anyway."

Tali just looked at him for a space, before asking, "What was the name of your first girlfriend? Buttercup?"

"Um, no."

"What was it?" Tali asked.

"Why do you care?" Jack asked, with more bite than he intended.

"I was just curious," Tali said. "I've never... had anyone like that."

"Really?" Jack asked, very surprised.

"Yes," Tali said, oddly stiff.

"Huh," Jack said. Their loss. "Well, my first girlfriend was in the Vau - bunker. Her name was Susie."

"Suzee," Tali said. "That's a nice name."

"She was nice," Jack said. "A little jealous, but whatever."

"How long were you together?" Tali asked.

"Uh..." Jack said. "... hmm. Since we were 14? I don't remember."

It hurt to say, but he had forgotten the exact time and date. Susie had also forgotten, and at the time it hadn't mattered to either of them. But now, here, with no photos and ever-fading memories, it stung, right in his heart.

"You lived in a bunker," Tali said. "How did you go on dates? Or - what did you do for dates?"

"Why do you care again?" Jack asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm curious as to how a bosh'tet like you could get any woman to fall for him," Tali said flatly.

"Gee, thanks."

He saw Tali seem to reach toward him, although he was obviously hallucinating. Jack said, "We went to the diner sometimes. We baked. We watched a lot of movies. We danced."

"Danced?" Tali asked dubiously.

Jack raised his chin. "Yes."

"Slow dancing?" Tali asked. "Is that what humans call it?"

"Swing dancing," Jack said.

"What's that?" Tali asked.

"Not boring." Jack said. "My stepmom taught us how to do it. We'd need a big empty room, but it was always..." Jack closed his eyes, and almost smiled. "... it was nice. A nice way to end a night, too."

"We have our own dances on the flotilla," Tali said. "But most of my generation weren't concerned with them."

Jack looked at her, thought for a moment. "You wish you could learn now that you're not there?"

"Yes," Tali admitted.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Jack said, "I could teach you how to swing dance, you know."

Tali narrowed her eyes this time. Jack almost squirmed under her gaze, but he kept his head up in the end. A risk, he knew, but - actually he was a fucking idiot.

"I'm okay," Tali said evenly.

Jack nodded. "I'll, um, I'll go-"

"But I will admit I am curious about swing dancing." Tali said. Jack blinked, then stared.

"What?"

"I'm curious what this 'swing dancing' looks like." Tali leaned back.

Jack flushed. "Um, I kind of need a partner."

In truth, he didn't remember if he actually did for all of it but everything kind of dance that he knew did require a partner. So, close enough. Also, what the fuck.

Tali looked at him. Jack looked away. Eventually, she said, "Okay." Jack couldn't help his staring. Tali said, "I think you should go."

"Um, yeah," Jack said. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking - it's been so long since I've - you got me thinking about Susie, and I - I didn't mean-"

"Keelah," Tali sighed.

Jack fled as fast as his feet could carry him. He ended up at the med bay dispensary, asking for many, many sleeping pills to get him to sleep.

Jack avoided Tali like the plague. He'd ruined everything, he was sure. He didn't expect to find a girlfriend on this ship - he had dreamed of nothing but Bittercup last night - but his stupid mouth. Avoiding Tali was easy enough, they worked on other ends of the ship, but having to avoid the common room at 3AM didn't help anything. Jack tried valiantly to not get cabin fever, but in the end he couldn't, and so crept out of his room to find a corner of the ship to read in.

With Perversions of Shanxi under his arm, and quiet as a mouse (not that there were still mice, of course, only giant rats that he had once, like an idiot, tried to make a pet out of), finding himself back in the hallway where Tali first found him drunk. He settled himself against the wall and took a sip from the tumbler he'd filled with hot water. Just hot water, which Jacob thought made him a sociopath. It burned against his throat, but nicely.

Naturally, however, he was interrupted eventually. Not by Tali, however, but Mordin. Jack cocked his head at the Salarian when he noticed him.

"What are you doing up?" he asked.

"Would ask same thing," Mordin said. "But not sure would want to know answer."

"Hilarious," Jack said. "But seriously, what are you doing up?"

"Was doing sample analysis on paralytic Commander received on Horizon. Found it unengaging."

"And you decided to go for a walk," Jack said slowly.

"Why suspicious?" Mordin asked. "Walks common for all species. For exercise, thinking, stress relief."

"What has you stressed?" Jack asked, shifting against the wall so he was more comfortable. He shut Perversions.

"Received troubling news. Not sure how to break to Commander." Mordin said.

"Huh." Jack said. What could trouble Mordin?

Mordin peered at him, then sniffed. "Just had thought. You can keep secret, yes?"

"Sure," Jack said. "One hundred percent."

"Hmm. Good enough." Mordin said.

"Sit down if you'd like," Jack said, gesturing to the empty space across from him. "It's cozy."

"Would prefer to stand," Mordin said. "Would also prefer if conversation took place in private."

Jack nodded. He let Mordin lead him back to his office, and the two of them combed it for bugs until they were satisfied, which ultimately took them the better part of an hour. Finally, when they were done, Mordin sniffed and sat down at his desk. He sniffed.

"Only other person this will be shared with is Commander," Mordin said. "Reiterating need for secrecy."

"You're not going to reveal something that will get me killed, are you?" Jack asked.

"No, no! Death unlikely from revelation. But information is sensitive. Needs to be handled with care."

Jack nodded. "Understood."

"Good." Mordin said. "Good. Now... you know previously worked with STG."

"Yeah," Jack said.

"Previously worked on Genophage. Ensured would continue working as intended. Help keep galaxy peaceful." Mordin said.

"Oh." Jack said. "Oh shit."

"Know Genophage is controversial," Mordin said. "But necessary. Not killing, merely maintaining. Have killed in many ways, Jack. Explosives, guns, melee implements. Never with medicine."

Jack simply looked at him. His stomach churned.

"Anyways, have discovered experiments by former colleague. Brutish, horrible. Must be stopped. But data..." Mordin sniffed. "... colleague was rising star, talented. Very talented. Has doubtless made advancements despite methods. Doubtless that Commander will help me with issue, but data discovered at the end - could make use of your input."

"Because I'm an asshole," Jack said slowly. Mordin paused.

"Would not use so crude a term," Mordin said. "Prefer morally flexible. Know that you have experience with difficult subjects, difficult choices. Though would understand."

Jack looked at Mordin, but soon began looking through him.

"Data, if preserved, could have value. Do not intend to reverse Genophage, but data is data. Should time ever come that data is needed, or other experiments conducted, could do with understanding. Could pass on to STG, do good work." Mordin sniffed. "... find myself uncertain. Any advice?"

Jack swallowed thickly. He sat down in the chair across from Mordin, and put his elbows on the desk. He closed his eyes, then blinked several times. Eventually, with a heavy sigh, he said:

"I am only going to tell you this once," he said.

Mordin's eyes widened slightly, then he nodded.

Jack put his head in his hands. His heart began to pound. People - people had sussed it out before, he had never put it into words. How could he put it into words? But, he realized, he was sitting across from the one person in the universe who might understand. Still, it was taking a chance. But...

"After I tell you, we are never speaking of this again." Jack said. "Never."

Mordin sniffed. "Understand."

Jack rubbed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began to tell.