Chapter 44: Lady Isabella
"Let me go; I need to end my life; let me end this misery," Lady Isabella cried.
Elizabeth still held her firmly, not understanding why she made this horrific decision in life.
"I cannot; I cannot let you do this; what has happened? Please get up and come with me; Lord Ashton will be able to help with whatever is distressing you."
"No, he cannot; no one can help me. My life is doomed; I cannot face him. Let me die, Elizabeth; that is the only solution for my problems."
Elizabeth stood Lady Isabella and guided her indoors while she cried uncontrollably in distress.
Should I take her downstairs to her husband or Lady Martha? What am I told to do?
She led her to one of the rooms on the upper floor and shut the door. Lady Isabella collapsed into a chair and sobbed with distress. Elizabeth did not want to leave her alone and headed downstairs for help.
"I may not be someone you want to talk to, but I knew something was bothering you for a long time. Why did you decide to end your life? Is someone threatening you?"
There was no reply from her.
"I am so sorry you feel this way; I must take you to Lord Ashton now."
"No, please do not say anything to him."
"Certainly, something serious must have happened for you to decide, but whatever it is, this is not the solution."
"I cannot face anyone after what I have done. For months, I have faced this torment, struggling to pass every second in this house with guilt and fear, but it will not do. No one will understand me, my plight, and my struggle, not even my husband, because I must have confided in him long ago. Now, it is too late."
"I cannot understand what is troubling you to this extent, and ending your life is not a solution. Did you even imagine the plight of this family? They already lost Lady Sophia; no one can bear another death in this household."
"But I may be the reason she died, and the only way I could compensate for that is to end my life."
Elizabeth stared at her in shock.
"Were you responsible for her death? But was that not an accident?"
"I thought so, too, until a few months ago."
"What are you saying?"
"I thought she fell down the stairs and died, but someone has been blackmailing me, stating that she committed suicide because of me, and they have proof."
"What?"
"I cannot explain this to you; I cannot explain this to anyone; I have no facts to support my innocence."
"How did she die?"
"We argued that night; she came to my room and ran out in anger. I should have followed her, but I didn't, and I am still guilty of it. The next morning, we found her dead near the stairs, and it was apparent that she fell and died."
"Who is blackmailing you that it was a suicide?"
"I do not know; I started receiving letters after we came back from our honeymoon. I don't know who is doing this; they claim they have a letter written by Sophia stating that she committed suicide because of me."
"Good heavens! Why did you not inform anyone about this?"
Lady Isabella was silent.
"Lady Isabella, please be honest with me. Did you have anything to do with her death?"
"No, I did not, but if she committed suicide, I may be the reason for it. I hurt her so very much."
Elizabeth looked at her, puzzled.
"We had an argument, more than an argument that night, but I never thought she could do something like that."
"You do not make any sense; you say she was not capable of such an act, but if she did it, you were the reason."
"Yes!"
"How?"
"Because I betrayed her trust."
"Did you have an affair with Lord Ashton?" Elizabeth asked without thought.
"Good Heavens, No!"
"Then?" Elizabeth asked while Lady Isabella remained silent.
"I know you do not want to share anything with me. And please trust me; I do not want to force these details out of you. But I have no choice but to reveal this to your husband and Lady Martha now. Please come with me."
"I cannot."
"I know you have no regard for me, but if you share it with me, I can at least try to help. You are mistaken if you assume that I would keep this between ourselves. I have kept so many things to myself since I came here, and I am not willing to make the same mistake again."
"Do you really believe I have no regard for you?" Lady Isabella asked Elizabeth.
"Is that not quite clear? You have hated me since the moment you saw me."
"I did, at first, because I saw in you everything I saw in Sophia. Your confidence, intelligence, and affection for the children reminded me of the friend I had lost and, according to the blackmailer, the one I killed. I never hated you; I was envious that you gained everyone's affection and respect here, which I never could."
Elizabeth looked at her in shock.
"Elizabeth, I am so tired. All my resolve evaporated today; I have tangled myself in a web I can never escape."
"You act as though there is no way out of your problem. But there is, if you can let us help you. This family cannot stand another loss, another secret. Now tell me, what happened that night? Why was Lady Sophia angry with you?"
Lady Isabella looked at Elizabeth's face with a blank expression.
"The truth came to light."
"What is that?"
"That I was in love with Philip, even before he married Sophia. Sophia and I grew up together as the best of friends. We have been friends with the Ashton family since childhood, and our families were very close. I have loved Philip since I knew what the word love meant. But as years passed, I realized he never looked at me that way. The only woman in his heart was Sophia, and they got married. As much as I tried to forget him, I could not. I was guilty of being in his company, having to look at him as my friend's husband, though in my heart, he was the only man I could ever love. They were so happy together and had two beautiful children. No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep myself away from them. My parents pressured me to get married, but I could not, and Sophia often questioned why I had to lie to her. You must understand that I never meant to steal Philip from her; as much as I loved him, I valued my friendship and could never do such a thing to her. But she was not naïve; I had no idea she discovered my secret. She knew me very well. I think how much I tried to hide my feelings, but it was not to be; she knew her friend and found the truth. That fateful night, she came to my room with my diary in her hand."
Lady Isabella closed her eyes as she relived the last time she had seen her friend alive and rewinded to the fateful night.
"Tell me, Sophia, what is this? Are you going to state that every word here was written by someone else?" Lady Sophia cried with rage.
"Why did you read this? How could you? This is something private."
"What is my husband's name doing on your diary then? Good heavens, how long have you loved him?"
"Please, Sophia, you must listen to me."
"Listen to what? How long have you loved him?" she asked as she shook her friend.
"Answer me. I knew there was a reason why you rejected every proposal that came your way, even before I married Philip, and that means you loved him even before we fell in love. You were my friend; how could you do this to me? All these years, I have loved a man who is my everything and still stays as my friend. Are you not ashamed of yourself? Why Isabella? why?"
"Yes, I have loved him for a long time, long before you both fell in love," she replied with tears.
"And you chose to hide this from me? How could you?"
"What good would I have done to tell you about my feelings? He does not love me, you know that."
"You disgust me; you could have married and left us alone. But all these years, you have been a part of our lives with such a thought in your heart. What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for me to die so that you could marry him?"
Lady Isabella looked at her friend in shock.
"How could you accuse me of such a thing? We have known each other since we were children. Do you think I am capable of hurting you?"
"But you have done it so artfully; every time I sat in the same room with you and Philip, I could sense the longing in your eyes, the sadness; all these years, I assumed you felt sad that you could not find the same love as ours. But now I know you wanted to steal my love from me."
"Stop it! You have no right to say such a thing. I have never spent one moment alone with him, and yes, I did not distance myself from you, but if you think the reason was that I wanted to see your husband, you are belittling the friendship we have shared for more than twenty years. I could not distance myself from you because of my feelings for him; I value your friendship more than anything in my life; why don't you understand?"
"I don't understand because I felt the same way till now. But you chose to hide this from me. Every word I read in this diary shows how much you love him, and I am ashamed to say, maybe more than I do. You could have told me, Isabella, that all these years you have suffered, and now the burden is on me. Do you think I can be peaceful after knowing this if I could ever look into my husband's eyes without guilt? You ruined my life."
"I have not done anything wrong. This secret was supposed to be buried in my heart till my death. You have to trust me; I have never dreamt of taking him away from you; even if you accuse me of that, in your heart, you must know that I could never hurt you that way. Sophia, I may love him, but my friendship with you is beyond what you must know."
"Today, I realized that I don't know a thing about who you are, and maybe nobody will even believe me if I say so. You have deceived all of us for so long that I will expose you. I have this to prove my point: I wish I had never known you, Isabella, not as a friend but even as an acquaintance. Today will be the last I see you; I will expose your secret to the whole world, and you will never be allowed to touch our lives again."
"And that was the last I saw of her; she ran out of the room and promised to reveal my secret to everyone. I sat in my room the whole night, expecting to be summoned by the Ashton family, trembling at the thought of facing Philip. Never did I know that she had bled to death the same night. I must have gone after her; it was all my fault."
"Who found her in the morning?"
"The servants, there was no way we could help her; she was long dead before anyone found her. All of us assumed it was an accident, but I knew it was an accident after she had fought with me. You cannot imagine the amount of guilt I had to endure after her passing."
"But you married her husband very soon, didn't you?" Elizabeth questioned immediately.
"Again, that stands against me, but it is not as it seems."
"As per her accusation, you married him right after her death; how could you?"
"Please trust me, considering how close you are with his mother, I am certain she must have confided about our marriage."
"She merely stated that you had to marry as she saw you in a compromising situation."
"That is what she assumed, and I do not blame her. It was nothing but a moment of comfort we shared that morning in the drawing room. I could see that he was hurting so much from her loss, and with all the feelings bottled in my heart, I could not leave him without comforting him. As we spoke, he rested his head on my shoulder, and nothing else happened; that was when his mother saw us. She was furious, and a few servants heard the matter, and we had to marry."
"It seems very tough to believe."
"You can ask Philip. I did not want to marry him, but the situation was such, and Lady Martha agreed to safeguard his reputation."
"At some point, you could have revealed everything to him; from the little I know of Lord Ashton, he would have understood."
"I wanted to, trust me, I did. But when I started receiving the letters, I realized he wouldn't believe me even if I confided in him. If Sophia did write a letter before ending her life, then I am the one who caused her death."
"How long has this blackmail been going on?"
"A few months."
"What do they want from you?"
"Money, to keep quiet about Isabella's letter, and my diary is in the possession of the possession of the blackmailer."
"Clearly, then, it must be someone from this house."
"I do not know; when she left my room that night, she took it with her, but later, I could not find it anywhere, not near the stairs where she was found dead. After my marriage, I also searched her chamber; it was missing. So, the person who is threatening must have it."
"But the letter?"
"I still cannot believe she committed suicide. I know her; she was determined to reveal my secret to Philip and the entire household. She was not a coward like me; there is no reason she would have ended her life leaving such a beautiful family and her children."
"Someone is trying to blame you, and it is time we find out who it is and end this matter."
"But if they read my diary, no one would believe me. I wish I had refused this marriage; I am losing my senses every moment here; I have no right to be his wife, nor a part of this family, and to be a mother to those wonderful children."
"I do not know what to say. I wish you had not given in to the blackmail, but over the past few months, I have understood that fear could make you do many things, just like how it made me leave my home and employ myself here. I cannot judge you, Lady Isabella."
"I understood your past today; you have been very brave. After all your struggles, you have found happiness with Mr. Darcy, and then you found your father."
Elizabeth bit her lips, she was in no temperament to discuss Lord Anderson at the moment.
"I should have ended my life long ago; until today, I had some hope that I could solve this by myself. But after Lady Martha revealed the secret about you and Lord Anderson, the words Philip said to his mother made me realize he would never forgive me. He could not bear that she hid the truth about your identity to him, someone employed as a governess. He could not bear that she broke his trust. He will never forgive me; he would believe that I am the only reason she died. I cannot live a life like that."
"You cannot predict the outcome of this. But did you even realize the risk you took by keeping this a secret? Whoever is threatening you could be in this same house; you have put the entire family in danger, including the children."
Lady Isabella wept in shame, understanding the truth in Elizabeth's words.
"What am I to do now? You will not allow me to die, but I don't have the strength to live. If at all she committed suicide, it is only because of me."
"Lady Isabella, however painful the truth is, we must face it. We cannot risk the safety of this family; please come forward with the truth. You can no longer go in this state; come with me. Trust me; whatever happens, I sense the truth in your words and will support you," she said, guiding her down the stairs.
Lady Isabella knew that her whole world was about to collapse all over again, but she had never imagined that the governess she had disliked for months was the only reason she was still alive.