Chapter 6

Promise

They decided to talk to her first. Dean and Sam were adamant that this was the best choice for her, but it was, in fact, ultimately Alex's decision as to where her life would take her. So the two siblings set out about the reception hall to find their youngest family member. It took a good bit of searching, but at last they found her.

She sat outside the room, just a ways down a hall, her legs dangling from a too-tall bench. Her adoptive brother sat beside her, gazing at the floor. Dean walked up to them from their periphery, taking a moment to drink in the image – his beautiful daughter – solemn though she seemed – aged another four years since he'd last seen her. She was already becoming rather tall and it astonished him how much she'd grown. There had been rare and oddly indulgent times when he had allowed himself to contemplate her appearance – how tall she had grown, how her face may have changed – but never had he expected this. Confronted with the stark reality of seeing just how much he had missed of his daughter's childhood measured in inches, he felt as if a part of him were taken away, even though he'd never had it to begin with.

Working hard to keep his emotions in check, he came a little closer… and stopped.

"Hey, Matt," he said gently. Both children looked up at him, and once Dean locked gazes with those liquid green eyes so similar to his own, he couldn't keep the lump from forming in his throat, "Hey, baby girl."

There was a moment in which a blanket of nostalgia and familiarity drifted down upon the scene, where all remained in silence. The youths looked at the man, and Dean's eye did not waver from his daughter's. Then the moment broke. Alex's forehead creased as her eyebrows knit together, her lower lip thrusting up and outwards. Dean started slightly at the look he was receiving; it was the angriest expression he had seen on his daughter (although it was not unlike the grumpy face she had occasionally sported in infancy).

Turning slightly red and gaining a touch of dew in her eyes, she growled with a shocking amount of venom, "Where have you been?"

With that, she popped off of the bench and stormed past Dean into the crowd of people beyond the hall doors. Dean let her go, even though he could have very easily stopped her. Somehow he felt like he deserved this reaction. So instead he watched her leave, shut his eyes and sighed.

"She's just upset lately," it was Matt who spoke from his place on the bench.

"Can't blame her," replied Dean, walking over and plopping down beside the young man. "How are you holding up?"

Matt didn't reply, but looked downcast.

"Listen, kid, I'm sorry about your parents, I really am," said Dean. "They were good people."

"It's just… really hard. You know?" he tried to be brave, but the tears fell anyway.

"I know," Dean put his arm around Matt. "I've been there. It's rough."

"I just miss them."

"I know."

"And I don't know what's going to happen next. I'm afraid."

"I know."

"And my poor sister, she's got it worse. I know where I'm going to go, but… she doesn't know who she's living with."

"…I know."

Matt took a rattling breath and his dampened face turned angry. "I don't understand. I screamed at them, 'Why can't she live with us?!' I don't want her to go away. She's my sister."

Hearing this from Alex's adoptive brother comforted Dean. "Hey, just so you know, I really appreciate that. That you've made her a part of your life. That you've come to care for her and been family to her."

"Is she going to be okay?" Matt was quiet.

"I don't know," Dean replied, despondent.

After a pause, Matt turned curiously toward Dean, "You're her real dad, right? Like, biological?"

"Yes, I am."

"Can't you take her?" asked Matt. "Take care of her?"

Dean nodded, "Yes, I want to. But… really, it's Alex's decision. She has two options now, so… it's up to her."

"I'll make her. I'm her big brother; I'll make her go with you!"

Dean chuckled and patted the boy on the back, "You know, I hear where you're coming from, but we have to let Alex choose. I've been down that road plenty of times before; we can't do that to our younger siblings. Okay?"

"I can't make promises," Matt murmured.

Dean smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I usually can't either."

It was then that Sam came out of the dining hall, Alex at his side. He looked solemn and his niece only slightly less enraged as before.

"Hey, guys," said Dean, standing.

"I convinced her to come out and talk with us," said Sam. "Though she's not terribly happy about it."

"I can see that," replied Dean, then looking to his daughter, "and I understand why."

"Oh, really?" replied Alex.

"Yeah, and it's the last thing I ever wanted you to feel was abandoned by me – by us."

"Then why did you leave me?" Alex growled. "Why did they leave me?!"

"Because, Alex," Dean moved to one knee in front of her and placed his hands on her upper arms, "we didn't want to leave you, but we knew you'd be happier and safer with them. And we never thought they'd leave."

"But they did. So what's going to happen now?" asked Alex.

"Well, that's what we're here to talk about. Come on," Dean stood and guided her toward a chair.

"Alex, you have to go with them!" begged Matt, jumping up from where he sat.

"What?" Alex sounded bewildered.

"Because they'll take care of you," Matt explained.

"Hold your horses, kiddo, we'll get there," Dean calmed him. "Here, baby girl, sit."

Alex hopped onto the chair, looking confused but her anger was beginning to subside. Sam leaned against the wall a few feet away to watch while Matt regained his seat on the bench. Dean once again took to one knee before his daughter.

"So, I guess the first order of business is a big fat apology," Dean looked sheepish, taking in a deep breath. But then he stopped and stared into the space between him and the dark, worn carpet floor. Summoning his thoughts, he continued, "I won't say I regret doing what I did, because I don't. I think it was the right decision to give you to people who had normal lives and would love you and take care of you. But I am sorry I left you. I threw away my responsibility of raising you, and that ain't right, forget whatever good I was tryin' to do. And I'm really sorry for what you've had to go through because of it. I'm sorry your parents have passed. You shouldn't have had to endure that until you were much older, both you and your brother. So, just… know that I love you and I always wanted the best for you.

"And I still do. And that's why Sam and I are here. Partly to pay our respects, of course. But also to see if… since you don't have Pam and Doug… if you might want to come live with us."

"Alex, you have to go live with them," piped up Matt once more.

Alex had softened quite a bit, but now her brow was furrowed with confusion rather than anger, her eyes wide and searching.

"Foster care is not always the happiest place on earth, and I won't lie to you, baby girl, it's not going to be easy living with me and Sam, either," said Dean, "but at least you'll have us."

Her voice was soft, "You want me to live with you?"

"Exactly."

"But… you want me to live with you?"

Dean nodded, slightly confused. "Yes. That's what I've been saying, isn't it?"

"Oh…. I didn't think you wanted me around."

"Oh, no, no, no," Dean shook his head, "of course – of course, we want you to live with us. Always! See; you make us happy."

Alex burst into tears and flung herself at Dean. He swaddled her in his embrace, bringing her in close.

"Okay, okay, baby girl," he murmured to her.

They stayed there for a while, Alex letting all of the anxieties she'd felt over the years drain away. Sam came over and rested a hand on her shoulder. Dean felt her pain, mingled with his own. All this time she had thought she'd been given up because they didn't like having her around.

When her sobs began to subside, she gave a sniff and asked, not removing her head from over her father's shoulder, "Why do you call me 'baby girl'?"

"Because that's the first thing I ever called you, when you were just a few minutes old," replied Dean, letting their embrace break. "See, your mother and I didn't know whether you were a boy or a girl before you were born. So when you were born, the nurse handed you to me, all wrapped up and cleaned, this tiny, fragile thing that fit perfectly into my two hands, and said, 'Here's your daughter.' And I said, 'Daughter? It's a girl?' And she said, 'Yes, a baby girl.' And I looked at you and I said, 'Hey there, baby girl. My little baby girl.' Later, of course, we gave you a normal name, but for me 'baby girl' always stuck."

"When I'm living with you and Uncle Sam, can you tell me more stuff like that?" Alex asked with a sniff and a smile.

"Yeah, of course!" replied Dean. "You'll hear so much of it, you'll be sick of it before you know it."

Alex giggled.

"But really, Alex," Dean added, mellowing, "living with me and your uncle, it's going to be hard. Really hard. It's not exactly the life you'll have pictured leading. And it might be dangerous and upsetting sometimes."

"I can handle it," Alex insisted. "I have a big brother."

Dean made a face, somewhat taken aback. Then he smirked, moving to better elaborate on the peril of the hunter's lifestyle. He was stopped, however, when Sam burst out laughing. His brow creased, Dean looked to his little brother with surprise and derision.

Sam didn't hesitate; "She's got you there!"

"Oh, come on, I wasn't that hard on you," Dean protested.

Sam gave a teasing expression to suggest the contrary.

Dean shook his head, then continued, "But honestly, Sam, the crap I gave you growing up doesn't quite compare to our lives."

Sam heaved a sigh to release his humor, "Yeah, it's true." He addressed Alex next. "Your dad's right, Alex. The life we live, the life you'll inevitably get dragged into… it's… honestly, terrifying sometimes. You'll have to face things you never even thought existed. The choice you're making to live with us is a choice for a very dark side of life. And knowing that, it might be hard to understand why we're even suggesting it. But the advantage to coming with us rather than going into foster care is that with us, we'll always be there for you and we will always love you, no matter what. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does," replied Alex.

"So you still want to come live with us?" a new smile crept across Sam's face.

"Yeah," Alex smiled, too.

Sam looked to his brother, who gained his own smile, but it was strangely less radiant than those of his kin. His had a kind of clouded joy, as if something blocked it's way from his heart to his face.

When he spoke, it was quiet, but determined. "One more thing, baby girl, before we call it a deal. And maybe this is the wrong time to be sayin' this, but it has to be said," and he took her shoulders firmly in his hands. "You gotta promise me, come hell or high water, you're going to bury me, okay?"

"Dean," Sam hissed, trying to redirect his sibling.

Dean continued, unfazed. "This has got to go the way things are supposed to go, you understand? I'm not going to be – I can't be–," his voice broke, " – the one who lays you to rest, okay? That's going to be your job for me, no exceptions."

"Okay," Alex replied softly.

"Yeah?" Dean nodded to her. "You promise?"

"Yeah. I promise."

Dean smiled. "That's my girl. Bring it in."

Father and daughter embraced. Dean reached out an arm and pulled his younger brother in, as well. Their family was whole again for the first time in a long time.

And Alex kept her promise.

A/N: Once again, we're not done yet...

Thanks for reading!