Grief hung over the clearing of the ShadowClan camp as Comte and Stormbrook brought out Sunstream's body into the center of the hollow. Birdpaw watched them, a sickening feeling in her stomach as she stared at Sunstream's lifeless green eyes. She knew that, despite what both Stormbrook and Comte had tried, none of their herbs could have healed the raging infection that took Sunstream's life. A stone weighed heavily in Birdpaw's heart as she recalled that Sunstream had gained the wound that killed her in battle. The battle that was fought to avenge me, she thought.
Luna's thick white pelt brushed against Birdpaw's side. The ShadowClan medicine cat apprentice looked up at Luna, seeing sorrow glitter in her friend's eyes. Birdpaw said nothing as she joined the mourners in the clearing. Talonclaw looked especially distraught as he sat next to Sparrowflight, who hung his head sorrowfully. Shrewfur, Sunstream's son, stared at his mother's body as if the world had ended. Birdpaw's breath caught in her throat as she saw Leafshade, staring numbly at Sunstream's body.
He's her son, too, Birdpaw thought. What if this pushes him over the edge? Sunstream was his mother, he cared about her. What if he reacts the same way he reacted to me getting attacked? Maybe even worse? She wanted to talk to the ginger-and-brown tom, but she wasn't sure how to do it without being seen by her Clanmates. Maybe later. Birdpaw's shoulder ached as she walked over to Stormbrook, who was smudging rosemary on Sunstream's body. Birdpaw let out a frown as Comte helped him.
Lionstar sat near the front of the cats, his green eyes shadowed with anguish. Toadstep's tail flicked back-and-forth, while Featherheart gazed emotionlessly at Sunstream's body. Fallensnow, her mate, was stiff as a stone. Shrewfur twitched his ears and walked over to his father, brushing his pale coat against his father's flecked pelt. Leafshade did not join him. His dark gaze was focused on his mother.
Icefire and Snowsplash had their heads bowed. Guilt was written on Redfeather and Eagleflight's faces as they stared at the dead cat's corpse. Thistlesnow dug her nose into Sparrowflight's shoulder. Morningmist unsheathed her claws, as if she was imagining digging them into the pelt of the ThunderClan warrior who had inflicted the wound. Cloudsong murmured what sounded like a prayer. Birdpaw looked over her shoulder to see Robinwing exiting the medicine den. The brown she-cat had a sleek, somewhat healthy sheen to her pelt, and her ribs were barely visible. Even though the stench of sickness still hung onto her, Birdpaw knew she was at least a quarter moon or half a moon to being fully healed. Stormbrook had given her permission to join the vigil. Robinwing flashed Birdpaw a sympathetic glance as she settled next to Lionstar. Owlfang touched Shrewfur with the tip of his tail sympathetically.
Mottlekit and Lilykit appeared at the entrance of their nursery, their eyes widened as they stared at Sunstream's limp body. The two kits exchanged puzzled glances as Bluefeather's head poked out of the nursery.
"Mother, what's wrong with Sunstream?" Mottlekit asked, tilting her head..
"Yeah, why is she so still?" Lilykit inquired.
"Shh!" Bluefeather scolded her kits and ushered them into the nursery. "I'll explain everything when we're inside. This is a private moment."
The two kits mewled in complaint but disappeared in the shadows of the nursery. Snakenose lifted his head and watched his kits disappear. Sadness glimmered in his eyes. Tigerpaw and Lizardpaw pressed against each other. Birdpaw gazed at her Clanmates as they united in a period of grief and mourning. This was the first death Birdpaw had seen in her life, especially in the medicine den. She had not treated Sunstream specifically - Stormbrook had not given her the all-clear to return to her duties yet - but she had seen how strongly Stormbrook, Comte, and Luna had tried to bring Sunstream back from the brink of death. They had all failed.
Stormbrook took a deep breath, the moonlight sending silver shafts on his gray-and-black pelt. "Tonight, we send Sunstream off to her Clanmates in StarClan," he meowed. "She gave her life in a battle against ThunderClan, and for that, we will always remember her sacrifice. Does anyone have any stories they'd like to share about Sunstream?"
Shrewfur raised his tail. "She was the best mother I could have ever asked for," he said, his amber eyes dark. "She was always there to listen to me when I was upset or felt like I was falling behind in my training. She always gave me hope to try again."
Fallensnow touched his muzzle to his dead mate's shoulder. "She was the strongest she-cat I knew," he murmured. "And even though I may not see her in this life, I know that when we reunite in StarClan, our love will be as strong as it was on earth." He stopped, his voice choking up for a moment before he found more words. "I will always love her."
Leafshade said nothing, even as the cats turned to him, expecting Sunstream's other son to make a statement. Shrewfur's eyes widened, and Fallensnow lashed his tail as he glared at Leafshade. Still, no words came from the ginger-and-brown tom.
Lightpebble cleared his throat. "She was my mentor. She taught me the most complicated moves and pulling them off effortlessly was how I was made a warrior."
Murmurs spread throughout the cats, recalling stories from Sunstream's life until Lionstar broke in. "Sunstream was what we all wanted to be - brave, selfless, and loyal. She died the death every ShadowClan warrior wanted - defending their Clan in battle. For that, she will receive the highest honor she can when she shares tongues with her family in StarClan."
"May StarClan light your path, Sunstream," Stormbrook meowed, gazing at the ginger she-cat's body. "May you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter wherever you go." The medicine cat spoke the most ancient words in Clan history, used to send a fallen Clanmate to their ancestors. Birdpaw's gaze fluttered to the moon and she knew that they would sit vigil with Sunstream for the entire night, until dawn came. The guilt over causing Sunstream's death gnawed at Birdpaw's heart and threatened to consume her. This is my fault. I did this. Birdpaw sat next to Sunstream's body and tucked her paws underneath her chest, watching the old warrior's body shine in the moonlight.
When dawn came, Shiningheart and Dewshine carried Sunstream's body out of camp. Fallensnow, Leafshade, and Shrewfur followed them, moving slowly as their tails trailed on the ground. Birdpaw watched them go, her stomach hollow and her paws heavy. She turned on her tail and headed towards the medicine den, meeting with Stormbrook as he sat near the store and started to organize herbs.
"Will you put me back on medicine duties now?" Birdpaw asked her mentor. She needed something to take her mind off Sunstream and the battle. And Leafshade.
Stormbrook twitched his ears. "Can you move that shoulder of yours?"
Birdpaw nodded.
"Let me take a look at it." Stormbrook turned around and sniffed Birdpaw's wound - it was closing nicely, even though it would leave a scar. It only ached when Birdpaw moved too fast, but she knew that with time it would no longer hurt. She couldn't sit on her haunches until then, though. He gazed at her wound before settling back on his back legs. "Very well. But you'll be on light duties. I don't want you straining yourself."
Irritation laced through Birdpaw, but she decided it was better than nothing. "Thanks, Stormbrook. Is there anything I can do for you now?"
Stormbrook hooked a dead marigold leaf with his claws. "We could do with some more marigold. Can you go and pick some?"
Birdpaw dipped her head and left the den, keeping a steady pace as she climbed out of camp and into the pine forest. She could taste the warm winds of newleaf arriving in her direction. The snow had melted and the prey was starting to run again. Thank StarClan, she thought as she approached the bush where marigold grew. It was a few fox-lengths away from camp, and Birdpaw was relieved she didn't have to travel too far. As she arched her claws and started to nip through the stems, a familiar scent wafted around her. She looked up and spotted the familiar brown-and-ginger pelt.
"Leafshade?" Birdpaw asked. Leafshade's round face emerged from behind a massive pine tree, and the tom slinked around the trunk until he approached Birdpaw. Birdpaw tried to read the emotion on his face, but he was giving nothing away.
Birdpaw swallowed and left the marigold where it was. She bounded over to him and pressed her face against his chest, trying to alleviate some of his pain. I wish I could take all your pain, all your suffering, and somehow just make it go away. "I'm so sorry about Sunstream."
Leafshade blinked at her. "It's okay," he said, and the brightness—alongside the lack of grief—in his voice, took Birdpaw by surprise. "You don't need to apologize. Her death gave me clarity."
"What?" Birdpaw reared back and stared into his deep green eyes. "What… what do you mean?"
The marigold crunched under Birdpaw as Leafshade walked around her, his pelt brushing hers. "We have to destroy any cat who would ever hurt someone as innocent as Sunstream… and you."
"Are you out of your mind?" Birdpaw stared at Leafshade, her green eyes round. "You've already killed one cat, which started a battle, one your mother died in!"
Leafshade's eyes flashed. "That battle was started because Briskheart and Berrypaw attacked you!" he hissed at her, flattening his ears. Birdpaw stepped back, horrified by the intensity of Leafshade's rage. When she froze, Leafshade immediately calmed down and sighed. "Sunstream is dead, and there's nothing we can do about that." His voice broke and there was a trace of pain inside his eyes. This really is hurting him, but he has to pretend it isn't. He's trying to be strong, but I can see the fear. "It's okay, Birdpaw. It really is. What I'm… what we're… going to do… we're going to make the world a better place, by getting rid of the cats who don't deserve to live in it."
"Leafshade…" Birdpaw choked out. "Please, tell me you're kidding."
"Kidding?" Leafshade tilted his head, as if he genuinely couldn't figure out what was wrong with his suggestion. "Why would I kid about this?"
"Two cats have died already!" Birdpaw snapped at him. "Berrypaw and Sunstream."
"Berrypaw deserved to die!" Leafshade snarled. "Sunstream didn't, which is why we have to avenge her death! She—"
"Leafshade!" A bark echoed across the clearing, and the two cats froze. Leafshade turned his head over his shoulder and flinched as Birdpaw recognized Fallensnow, heading towards the clearing over towards the two cats. He flashed a disapproving glance at Birdpaw. "What are you doing here?"
"Picking herbs." Birdpaw pointed to the marigold with her tail.
"And you?" Fallensnow swung his head to glare at Leafshade.
"Just to chat," Leafshade mumbled.
Fallensnow's tail lashed. "I should box your ears in for how you behaved at your mother's vigil!" he hissed at him. "Do you not know how much your mother loved you? And you couldn't even say a word to honor her memory?"
Birdpaw stared at the arguing family, her jaw dropping.
Leafshade stared at the ground, his head hanging. Pain and grief glazed Fallensnow's eyes as he glared at his son. "I have no words for you," he said after a few moments. "Sunstream would be disappointed. Consider me disappointed, as well." With those words flung over his shoulder carelessly, he turned on his heel and strode away.
"I'm… I'm sorry…" Birdpaw murmured when Fallensnow disappeared into the forest. "I didn't know…"
"I told you." Leafshade sounded utterly dejected. "He cares more about Shrewfur than he ever did for me. Shrewfur is the shining example of a warrior he always wanted—he excelled in his training sooner, he's fought in more battles than I, he defeated dogs on his own, and he became a warrior before I did. I'm just a toy they've outgrown."
"Don't say that!" Birdpaw exclaimed.
"Did you not hear him?" Leafshade demanded. "He called me a disappointment!" He lashed his spotted tail. "And I don't care. I don't need him." The tom started to pace wildly. "I don't need anyone but you, Birdpaw. You are the only thing that matters to me."
Birdpaw flattened her back as Leafshade scrutinized her with a slightly feral gaze. "I won't let you die… not like my mother. I will never let anything hurt you."
"Okay." Birdpaw's voice was small. "I need to go." Uncomfortable under Leafshade's gaze, Birdpaw turned on her heel and raced away, completely forgetting about the marigold as she bounded through the forest and came face-to-face with Luna. "Luna."
Luna gazed at Birdpaw. "Are you okay?" she asked. "There's barely any color in your face."
Birdpaw pressed a paw to her cheek. "Must not be feeling well."
The loner's face softened and she pulled Birdpaw to the side, well out of distance from the camp. Birdpaw stared at her, puzzled as Luna sat down and rubbed her tail down Birdpaw's spine. "Talonclaw and I have been talking."
Birdpaw tilted her head.
"We're worried about you," Luna meowed, "and so is Stormbrook."
The medicine cat apprentice shifted her paws uneasily. She didn't like the direction this conversation was going, especially when Luna's indigo gaze drifted towards the camp.
Luna let out a sigh. "It's because of that cat, right? The ginger-and-brown one? What was his name…?" She blinked apologetically. "Leafshade, I think."
"What about him?" Birdpaw sank her claws into the ground.
"He's upsetting you," Luna said quietly. "I kept my mouth shut because I didn't think it was my place, but for a while now, I've noticed how you seemed to be seeking him out in the camp, where your eyes go. And it's not a coincidence that he came and checked on you every day when you were in the medicine den—or that when you come back to camp, he's usually before or after you. And his scent was with you when you were injured that day. Tell me…" Luna pressed her lips. "Was he the one that injured you?"
"No!" Birdpaw exclaimed. "Oh, StarClan, no. He would never hurt me! I know that for sure."
"Because he loves you?" Luna asked challengingly.
Birdpaw fell silent. She wasn't sure what to say to her friend. She wouldn't understand the difficulties of the warrior code—and the medicine cat code, for that matter. Even though Leafshade and her were the same age, Birdpaw was still technically an apprentice. Alongside that, Leafshade was a warrior, and she had chosen the life of a medicine cat. Their paths could not cross. But they did.
"I'm not a Clan cat," Luna said after a few moments, "so I won't judge you. I really won't." She brushed her muzzle against Birdpaw's. "But I know there are some things that aren't allowed." A shadow fell over her eyes. "And I won't tell any cat, I promise. I just want you to be safe. So do Stormbrook and Talonclaw."
"Do they know?" Birdpaw asked, feeling her voice break. Would Leafshade try to keep them quiet if they had found out?
"I don't think so," Luna replied. "Stormbrook is worried that you're taking on more than you can handle, and Talonclaw thinks it's because of the attack." She sighed. "You have a good support system, you know. Talonclaw cares very much about you."
"And you care about him," Birdpaw mewed quietly.
"Maybe." Luna gazed at the clouds dotting the sky. "But if there's anything I learned from the Clans, it's that I can never be with him."
"You were never meant to be together," Birdpaw whispered. Not when he's hanging around Mapleheart. Luna flinched but said nothing. She rested her chin on top of Birdpaw's head.
"I have to go collect some herbs," Luna told her. "I'll be back. You should probably rest, don't you think?"
Birdpaw nodded numbly as she watched Luna's lithe figure disappear into the forest. She climbed down the hollow and into the camp, dragging herself across the hollow until she collapsed in the nest. For the first time, she was afraid of Leafshade. Usually, she had felt so safe around him, as if nothing could hurt her when she was with him. Even the attack from ThunderClan hadn't destroyed the sense of safety she felt when she was with him.
But it seemed that Leafshade was spiraling out of control. With Fallensnow's words bringing him closer to the edge, Sunstream's death, his declaration of undying love for her, and his insistence that he had to cull the world of cats who made it a worse place, Birdpaw could only fear what was coming next.