The too much

by Ltwdbn05

This is NOT MINE using this as an audiobook template for my messed up mind (Cause ao3 doesn’t have an audiobook option) (

19. 19

Diverse by Mandulabogesz

Chapter 1-

London, now

"You make me sick. My own son? What the fuck? how...? It must have been your faggot teacher who filled your head with this disgusting stuff."

"But Dad, I'm the same as I was yesterday. I am your son. Henry. My violin teacher had nothing to do with it. And you know what? Mr. Lightwood has helped me a lot more than you ever have." Henry said in a trembling voice with tears in his eyes.

"My son does not kiss men!" His father yelled at Henry.

"But dad, please…" Henry was nothing but a whisper.

"No buts! Don't worry, I know a good psychologist. He'll fix you. And forget the violin lessons. You can't play the violin anymore. Especially with that gay teacher. Now go up to your room. I don't want to see you today."

Henry ran up to his room. He was extremely disappointed. He felt as if his heart had been ripped out. His mind was racing with thoughts. He was frustrated and he knew only one thing. He needed to get out of here. Now. He threw some clothes in a backpack, he grabbed the pic from his nightstand. This was the last photo of him and his mum before she died. He took his laptop, and his most precious treasure, his Luigi Mingazzi violin. He looked around his room and knew he would never come back here.

When he went downstairs, his father was still there, a bottle of beer in his hand. He looked at his son, confused.

"Where are you going?" he asked in a voice clouded with alcohol.

"It's none of your business." Henry said nothing more and closed the door behind him.

He wandered the streets of London with troubled minds. He had no friends to ask to stay for a night. In fact, he was all by himself. He had no idea where to go. Finally, he ended up in a park. He sat down on a bench and spent the night. It was late May, the dawn was pleasantly chilly but not cold. He was thinking. A lot. It was 5 a.m. when he finally decided.

He took out his laptop and booked a flight to New York. He carefully planned everything. The money he inherited after his mother died wasn't much, but it was enough to get him through a few months in New York. He knew his mother had relatives living there. Maybe they could help him.

He was tired as hell. Physically and emotionally. But there was one thing he wanted to do before he left London behind forever.

He took out his sheet book and began to write. Then he tore out the page, crumpled it up and threw it in the bin. He repeated this three more times. It was so damn hard. Saying goodbye to the one person who helped him. Someone he knew he could count on. Who he actually loved more than his own father. He cried as he wrote the letter. When it was done, he folded it, put it in his pocket and left. It was 6:30 in the morning when he got to his teacher's house. It was Saturday, so there were hardly any people in the streets. When he put the letter in his violin teacher's mailbox, he thought for a moment about ringing the bell. To ask him for help. Then he dismissed the idea. He turned and headed for the airport.

London, one year ago

Henry was a student at the Royal College of Music in London. He was a promising talent, but also an unruly one. He was in his second year at the Conservatory, but by that time he had managed to chase away many of his violin teachers. The teachers could not tolerate for long that he was somehow different.

He was talented as hell, everyone acknowledged that, because you don't just get a scholarship to the best Conservatory in England. But somehow he was always so out of the mainstream, so unconventional, that teachers who were used to rigid rules couldn't handle him.

Until a new violin teacher arrived at the school. He came from New York. He had previously taught at the Juilliard School. He had been working at the London Conservatory for a week when he heard Henry and his teacher arguing.

Ms. Kaminsky kept the violin class with the door open because it was late and almost no one was in the school. Alec was on his way home when he heard the argument. He paid attention because students don't usually argue with their teachers. And hell, as he listened to them...the student was right.

Yes, he played Bach's Chaconne differently. Much more fierce, much more forceful, much more harsh, but hell, there was something about Henry's playing that caught him. He saw himself in him. Young Alec Lightwood, who didn't fit the expectations, who was once passionate. He was passionate about the violin and passionate about love. ... he loved... once and fiercely. But he screwed up. That is why he ran away to London. So that the memories that tied him to his love wouldn't hurt so much. He knew he had made a huge mistake. But it was too late. He'd hurt Magnus so much, he knew that there was no way to fix it.

For the next few weeks, he just watched the boy. He noticed that the young man was practicing a lot. Mostly alone, without a teacher. He always stayed late at school. He didn't have many friends. Then, a few weeks later, when Ms. Kaminsky freaked out and said she could no longer teach Henry Fox, Alec volunteered to be his new teacher. It was the best decision of his life. The boy was music itself, an unbridled talent.

London, now

Alec had been teaching at the Conservatory for a year. He went for a run one Saturday morning at the end of May, and when he returned he found a letter in his mailbox, crumpled and folded up and written on a musical score. He went up to his apartment. When he opened the door he made sure his cat hadn't run away. That son of a bitch has been trying to escape ever since they left New York.

"Church, stay there." He pushed the cat's head back out the door. When he closed the door behind him, the cat hissed at him, but rubbed against his leg anyway.

"You miss your other human, don't you? Believe me, buddy, I miss him too."

Alec sat down at the kitchen counter and opened the crumpled musical score. He almost choked on his coffee when he was reading.

"Dear Mr. Lightwood!

Thank you for all you have done for me. For all your support, for helping me to accept myself for who I am. I will never forget your violin lessons. Everything I have learned about music and life, I have learned from you. I won't go to the Conservatory anymore.

Yours sincerely, Henry Fox."

"Henry, no, no, no," Alec said loudly as he took out his phone to call his student.

He knew Henry was nervous as hell because someone put it on the internet that he had kissed Kyle about a few months ago. They'd since broken up, and Alec had a hunch that Kyle had posted the video. Henry hadn't come out to his father yet. In fact, Alec was the first person he actually talked to about his sexuality. Alec didn't hide the fact that he was gay from his colleagues or his students. This helped Henry to accept himself, to be brave enough to come out. After school, they usually talked at a nearby café. Henry was like a son to him. Although he tried to stay emotionally distant from him, as he was his student. But he knew that the boy was so vulnerable, and yesterday he was so afraid of his father. He needs to find Henry. He only hoped his father had not hurt him. Or worse, he hadn't hurt himself. Alec knew how it worked. He knew firsthand what self-harm was like...He immediately dismissed his more worrying thoughts, because he did not even want to think about suicide.

Henry didn't answer the phone. It was already switched off, because in the meantime he had boarded a flight to New York and was on his way to a new life.

Chapter 2-

New York

When Henry landed in New York and turned on his phone, it beeped non-stop. He didn't check his messages. Not a single fiber of him wanted to deal with his father's bullshit. With a sudden idea, he deleted all his social media and google accounts. Then he took out the SIM card, broke it in two and threw it away. One less problem. At the airport, he bought a new SIM card and put it in his phone. He was exhausted. He took a cab to a nearby motel.

"How old are you, kid?" asked the grumpy clerk when Henry was about to get a room.

"I'm 21, sir."

"I need your ID. But you should know, I can spot a fake ID from 100 yards."

Henry was too tired to argue with the grumpy clerk, so he took out his passport. The man looked at it, then took a key from the wall behind him.

"Room 221. And no girls. You understand?"

"I certainly have no intention of taking girls," said Henry. If he hadn't been so exhausted, he would have said, "I would prefer to take boys." But he kept quiet. He was glad to have a room for a few nights.

Henry decided not to do anything that day. It was only early afternoon in New York, and the jet lag was starting to get to him. He fell tiredly on his bed. He'd paid for the room for three days, figuring that would be enough time to visit his mother's cousin. He hoped he was still living in the same place, and hoped he could find his way there. He was 15 when they visited Uncle Rupert. If he was lucky, he could ask him for help. Maybe a place to stay.

He remembers that Uncle Rupert lived in a large apartment in Manhattan, not far from Central Park. The rumbling in his stomach disturbed his thoughts. That's when he realized he hadn't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. He put his stuff down, locked the door, and went across the street to the hot dog vendor. He bought three hot dogs and went back to the motel. It's been a long time since he's enjoyed food so much. It was cheap and delicious. He felt he could live on it for months. After the meal he took a shower and fell asleep. He had suffered from insomnia since his mother died, but that night he slept like a baby. The next morning he woke up late and felt more rested than ever.

He had hot dogs for breakfast. Then he took out his violin, a few scores and started practicing. He had barely started when someone banged on the wall and shouted.

"Quiet!"

A few minutes later the clerk banged on his door.

"Hey boy, you can't make any noise here. Put that thing away. You're disturbing the guests." the old man barked, pointing to the violin.

"Okay, okay. I don't want any trouble. I just wanted to practice."

"Well, you have to practice somewhere else." said the man, and left.

"Great...I need to find another place as soon as possible." Henry said. But he didn't want any trouble and had paid for 3 nights, so he decided it was time to find Uncle Rupert. He didn't dare leave his laptop or violin at the motel, so he took them with him. It took him an hour to get from Queens to Manhattan. He didn't know the address, but he remembered where Uncle Rupert lived. If he still lived there anyway.

When he got off the subway, the place was familiar to him. When he stopped in front of the house after a 15-minute walk, he felt a knot in his stomach. What if Uncle Rupert doesn't remember? He hesitated. He was about to turn and leave when someone came out of the house. Henry grabbed the opening door and went inside. He took a deep breath and went up to the second floor and knocked. But it wasn't Uncle Rupert who opened the door. It was a woman in her 60s.

"Hello. I'm looking for Rupert Blackwell." Henry said to the woman.

"I'm sorry, but he died three years ago."

"Oh, thank you." Henry said nothing more and left. Well, that's not what he expected. It was a sudden shock to realize he was all alone.

He didn't even know where he was going, he just wandered. He ended up on a bench in Central Park. Not long before, he had ended up on a bench in London in the same way. He looked around at the people spending their Sunday afternoon. There were children running around on the grass, couples holding hands, and suddenly he felt so lonely. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there. But in time his mind cleared and he was able to think again.

"Okay Henry, - he said to himself, - redesign. That's all you need. Just redesign. You have some money in your bank account. You find an apartment to rent, enroll in school, and get a night job. Everything will be okay." With renewed enthusiasm, he set off to check out The Juilliard School, because it was nearby and he wanted nothing but to study there. At the time, he didn't know that things weren't that simple. Adulting sucks.

London

Alec took out his violin, as always when he wanted to clear his troubled mind. He began to play. Slowly and softly at first, then the music started to vibrate. He closed his eyes and lived with the music. His mind cleared, there was only the violin and him. As his eyes closed and he soaked in the music, he saw a multitude of swirling colors, like a rippling cavalcade of silk ribbons. And then he saw him. Black ballet shoes. Tight black dance pants. Naked torso. His magnificent toned body swayed with the music among the colorful ribbons. He rose to his toes, twirled. As his arms lifted the muscles in his chest tensed. His honey-colored skin was covered in a veil of sweat. As the music grew more intense, his movements followed. He spun and spun, spun and spun. Then he stopped, and raised his head. Alec looked into his eyes. To those beautiful chocolate eyes, glistening with tears and infinite pain. The vision vanished in an instant, as if it wasn't there, the music stopped, his hand with his fiddlestick dropped... Alec's eyes were in tears. A year had passed, He was on the other side of the world, but he couldn't get Magnus Bane out of his mind. He couldn't tear the pain from his heart. Maybe he didn't really want to. He would never forget the pain in his eyes because he had caused it. If he didn't feel pain, he might not be able to feel anything anymore. He was so stupid…

New York one year ago at the David H. Koch Theater

The standing ovation lasted for minutes. When the audience began to leave, Alec headed to the backstage with a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a small box with The Ring in it in his pocket. Magnus had no idea what he was about to do. But they had been together for over 3 years and Alec felt he never wanted to be with anyone else. He loved Magnus with all his heart.

"What the hell are you doing Camille? Are you fucking crazy?" pushed Magnus away the woman in the red ballerina dress in the backstage aisle as she put her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips.

"Come on, it's just some fun. Look how jealous he's gotten." murmured Camille, pointing to the aisle, and kissed the totally frozen Magnus once more.

Magnus felt as if he was watching a film in slow motion. He saw Alec standing there, eyes wide open. Desperate. The flowers fall from his hand, slowly drop to the ground, then he turns and walks away.

"Alexander" he called after him. But he did not stop…

London, now

Alec put the violin on the table, went into the bedroom to the bedside table and pulled out the drawer. There lay the little box with The Ring. With the tip of his finger he stroked the burgundy velvet box. His heart clenched. He felt he would never be able to love anyone else. Ever since he'd fled New York, he'd never had a one-night stand. No crush. Absolutely nothing. He was faithful to Magnus. And Magnus was faithful to him. Now, he knows that. But it's too late. How could he be such an idiot not to trust him?

New York, now

To Henry's surprise, The Juilliard School was open. Even if it was Sunday afternoon. With his violin case in his hand, he walked in without a problem. The doorman didn't even ask what he wanted. A sweet cacophony of instruments echoed from the classrooms. He wandered the corridors and he felt he had arrived home. This was his world. He wished Mr. Lightwood was here. He didn't miss anyone from London. Only his teacher.

At the end of a corridor, he found an empty classroom with an open door. He went in, closed his eyes and breathed in the spirit of the place. He wanted to play his violin. After all, he's not bothering anyone here... He took out his violin and began to play that heartbreakingly beautiful piece that Mr. Lightwood had loved so much. Chopin's Nocturne. The violin cried in his hands as he played on it. He closed his eyes and let the music and the emotions take him.

"Stop for a moment Alex. Stretch your legs a little more at this part and keep your hands more graceful. Wait, I'll show you." said the ballet teacher to his student, who was practicing in a room at the end of the corridor so they wouldn't be disturbed by the music coming from the other rooms. Magnus liked this quiet out-of-the-way place.

"See, this is how you move your hand, and this is how you keep the movement going while..."

At this moment his movements and his words froze, he turned pale and couldn't breathe. Through the closed door sounded a beautiful violin. Only one person has ever played Chopin's Nocturne so breathtakingly beautiful. He just stood there for a few minutes, listening to the beautiful melody. It had always been one of his favorite pieces, but he hadn't listened to it in over a year. There were too many painful memories.

"Alexander." he was nothing but a whisper.

"Are you all right Mr. Bane?" asked Alex.

Magnus walked to the door, opened it and headed for the music. Alex followed him, not knowing what had got into his teacher. He had never seen him like this before.

When he entered the room where the music was coming from, he felt his heart jump out of his chest.

"Alexander..." But the smile was frozen off his face immediately.

"Sorry, I thought someone else was playing the violin here." He said when he saw Henry in the room. Magnus felt dizzy. He was gasping. Memories hit him like a tsunami.

"Mr. Bane?" Alex had never seen his teacher so vulnerable.

"I'm fine Alex. Class is over for today. We'll continue tomorrow. I need to get out of here now." Magnus said and left them.

Henry stood silent for a while. He didn't understand what had just happened. Something upset the teacher and he stormed off. Then his eyes fixed the most beautiful human being he had ever seen, standing in the open doorway. He was wearing tight ballet pants and a black tank top. He was obviously a ballet dancer. His tanned skin glistened with sweat. His curly black hair was a mess, but somehow it suited him. And when he looked at him, Henry forgot how to breathe. The most beautiful chocolate eyes were locked on him, with eyelashes that were surely illegal.

Henry suddenly came back to the present and began to panic. He realized he had no right to be there.

"Please don't tell anyone I was here. I'm gonna leave now."

Henry nervously put the violin in its case and headed for the door.

"I don't mind if you stay. You know, lots of us practice on the weekends. Are you new here?"

"Yes. Or actually, no. The truth is I haven't enrolled yet, and I just...I just don't want to get into any trouble."

"Well, you don't have to leave. I'm not gonna rat on you, pretty boy." Alex said, then winked and went back to the other room to get his stuff, then he left as well.

Henry had trouble with breathing again for a few seconds. Was he really winking at him? With those..I mean THOSE eyelashes? When he remembered again how to breathe, he headed out of the building. Thinking about what the hell had just happened. He'd had a busy day. He was tired as hell. He went back to the motel and decided to start looking for a rental apartment the next morning. He was stubborn and determined enough to make it on his own. Even if things didn't work out the way he had planned.

Chapter 3-

New York

Someone banged on the door of Magnus' loft. Magnus didn't want to open it. He pulled the blanket over his head and tried to ignore the banging. But he couldn't ignore it any longer when he heard his friend's voice through the closed door.

"Magnus Bane. I know you're there. If you don't let me in, I'll kick your glittery ass. I waited an hour for you outside the theater. You owe me at least an explanation, and a glass of wine."

Magnus groaned, got up from the couch, went to the door and opened it.

" I'm sorry" he said as he opened the door.

When Cat saw that her best friend was wearing a pair of sweatpants instead of a suit, his hair was anything but spiky, and he wasn't wearing glitter and kohl, she knew there was something wrong.

"Honey, how do you look? The last time I saw you this trashed was when Alec left. What happened?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry I forgot the theater." said Magnus and went back to the couch.

"Sunshine, if nothing had happened, we'd be sitting in the theater right now, enjoying the show, and you wouldn't look the way you did a year ago. So sit down and tell me everything." Cat said as she went into the kitchen, got 2 glasses, a bottle of wine and went into the living room. She put one of the glasses in Magnus' hand and sat down on the couch next to him.

"Cat, I've really fucked this up. With Alec."

"After a year, you finally figured it out?"

"I should never have let him go. I should have fought for him. For us. But I did nothing. I felt so hurt. I miss him, Cat. I miss him so fucking much." Magnus was nothing but a whisper.

"Sweetheart, are you going to tell me what happened?" asked Cat gently, seeing the tears welling up in her friend's eyes.

Magnus looked at her, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. He picked up the glass and took a big sip of the red wine.

"We were practicing with Alex for his performance. You know, since Alec left, no one comes down the corridor to practice."

The lump in Magnus' throat was growing. Cat noticed that he was completely broken.

"Did someone go into Alec's room?" asked Cat quietly.

Unable to answer, Magnus just nodded and a soft sob burst from his throat.

"Cat, there was a violinist, and he was playing our piece. The Chopin. Cat, I thought he came back. I felt the butterflies in my stomach again. But when I walked in, it wasn't him. It was a young guy. But Cat, I swear he was playing Chopin just like Alexander."

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. Don't you think it's time to go and find him and finally talk about the things that haven't been said?"

"Cat, it's been over a year. He's probably moved on and lives his life with someone else. Someone who's worth it."

Cat hugged her friend tightly and just held him until the sobbing faded.

"Magnus, you're worth it. Do you understand me? You didn't cheat on him. That bitch Camille is the reason for everything. And that you were both idiots and too stubborn to straighten things out. Come on, you go to bed now, and I'll stay here until you fall asleep."

London

Alec's soul didn't calm down. Too many memories, too much pain. At that moment he knew it was a bad idea, but it was too late when he typed into Google to find Magnus Bane's performances. But he found nothing. He went to his website and clicked on the link to the last performance. Something is wrong, he thought, this is more than a year old video. When he started the video and saw the particular performance where Camille was Magnus' partner, in that red dress, he was completely confused. It was THAT performance after which he wanted to propose his love.

He searched further, but nothing. Magnus had a year's worth of performances booked in advance. He didn't understand. He couldn't breathe. He slammed the laptop. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about anything. He didn't want to feel emotions. He went into the bathroom and took out the blade, as he had so many times before when he didn't want to feel anything but the feeling of the pain, which erases the emotions he feels in his heart. He touched the blade to his thigh. It was an old habit of his. He knew he couldn't hurt his arm, because he wouldn't be able to practice. When the first drop of blood began to run down his skin, he suddenly felt calm. As he used to. Then he realized what he'd done. The blade fell from his hand, and he remembered what he had promised Magnus many years ago. He promised him he would never do it again. Magnus helped him through his darkest days. And even if their future together was over, he wanted to keep his promise. He threw the blade in the trash, bandaged his wound. He can't solve that problem now, but there's another problem he might be able to fix. He took his car keys and went to Henry's apartment. He knocked for a while before Henry's father finally opened the door.

"Good evening. I'm looking for Henry. I'm his teacher."

"He's gone." he said in a voice clouded with drink.

"When will he be back? I need to talk to him because he sent a letter saying he's not coming to the conservatory anymore."

"I have no idea, and I don't care. He's an adult, he can do what he wants. It's none of your business anyway. You're that gay violin teacher, right? Get out of here," he said and slammed the door.

"'Asshole,' Alec said to the closed door.

Where is this kid? He didn't know any of Henry's friends he might have stayed with. If he had any friends at all. He was anxious. For several reasons. He hadn't gotten in his car yet. He wanted to clear his mind. He lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. He'd been back on cigarettes since he moved to London. He walked into a nearby park to calm his soul and clear his mind. He sat on a bench.

Alec closed his eyes, and just enjoyed the smoke of the cigarette filling his lungs, then opened his eyes and watched the exhaled smoke swirling around him like grains of sand in a windswept desert. When the cigarette burnt out, he threw it out. That was when the crumpled sheet of music next to the bin caught his attention. He bent down and unfolded it.

Dear Mr. Lightwood!

My father has found out I'm gay, and he doesn't want to let me continue to play the violin and study with you. But I have to

The letter ended here, and the last words were scribbled. Alec looked in the bin and found 2 more crumpled sheets of music. With a worried heart he took them out and unfolded them.

Dear Mr. Lightwood!

My dad wants to send me to a psychologist and ban me from you and your violin lessons, I don't know

This letter was also left unfinished. He became more and more worried when he looked at the third letter.

Dear Mr. Lightwood!

I don't know what to do, I'm completely desperate. I don't know where to go, but I can't stay at home anymore because my father

Henry tried to tell him what was weighing on his heart, and finally left him an official letter. Dammit. Alec folded all three letters and put them in his pocket. He nervously lit another cigarette. He didn't know what to do, only that he must find Henry at any cost. He hurried back to his car and drove off.

New York

In the following days, Henry had to face a few things. With ESTA, he cannot work. Okay... he still had some money saved up. Enrolling at Juilliard...well, it didn't go the way he thought it would. What does it take? Lots of money. A hell of a lot of money, actually. Or a scholarship. Plus, with ESTA, that doesn't work either. Then it's time to redesign that plan which he previously redesigned once. Somehow he has to get a green card. Oh, and let's not forget the rent. Or more accurately, cheap rent. Well, that doesn't exist in New York. Now he knew that, too. Did I mention that it sucks to be an adult?

When after 3 nights he didn't have a place to stay, or at least couldn't find one that didn't cost all his money for a month's rent, he decided not to stay in the motel any longer. It was expensive, and the grumpy clerk didn't like music.

He found a rent that might be good, it wasn't too expensive, but it was in a pretty trashy area, but he thought it was worth a try. If that didn't go well, he could still find a motel or sleep on a bench in the park. At least he'd had some experience at that…

So he got his stuff and headed for the Bronx. The neighborhood was really trashy. So was the apartment. If you could call it an apartment at all...it was more like a basement than an apartment...but the price was right, and the people in the house were so noisy anyway that the landlord said no one would mind if he played the violin. So the problem was solved. He paid 2 months in advance and finally had a place to sleep.

"You can move in today if you want," said Luke, the landlord.

"Thanks, one less problem for me." Henry said.

"Anything else I can help you with, kid?"

"Unless you can give me a green card..."

At this point Luke's eyebrows rose to his forehead and a barely visible grin appeared at the corner of his lips.

"Well, you're having a lucky day, kid. I know someone who might be able to help you. A lawyer. I might even have his business card somewhere. " said the landlord, rummaging through his wallet.

"That's it, here, call him tomorrow."

"Holy shit, thank you. I really wasn't expecting this today." Henry took the business card, and a tiny glimmer of hope flashed before him. He was starting to feel better. Maybe this adulting thing could be learned after all.

The place was small, but at least it was wasn't much furniture, but Henry was happy to sleep in a bed for the next 2 months and be able to play his violin in peace.

After unpacking his few belongings, he decided to look around the neighborhood for something to eat. He heard loud music from a nearby subway station. A group of young people were dancing.

As Henry stepped closer, one of the dancers caught his attention. When he turned and looked at Henry with those incredibly long eyelashes, Henry forgot how to breathe. Again. The dancer noticed him, and kept his eyes on him. Henry could definitely see a small smile at the corner of his lips. Henry was amazed by their dance, which was not ballet, of course, but something else entirely. Decisive, powerful, modern and artistic. And all this on the street... People were constantly throwing money into baskets on the ground.

When the music ended, Mr. Eyelashes looked at him as his chest was panting. His eyes were smiling and Henry was lost in them. A pretty girl ran up and put her arm around his waist. The dancer kissed her cheek, and when he looked up, Henry was gone.

"Hey Alex, what are you looking for? Are you trying to pick up a pretty girl in the crowd again?" his best friend asked him.

"No Nora, I just saw someone and...never mind, forget it. Let's go." Alex said, not understanding himself why he was so confused.

Chapter 4-

New York

Henry went home. It wasn't a good feeling to see that girl clinging to that dancer. Yes, Henry recognized him. The ballet dancer he met at Juilliard. He couldn't forget his eyes. Somehow he felt disappointed. Though he hadn't come here to deal with his love life. In fact, it was the last thing he wanted to deal with. He was 21 and, thanks to his violin teacher, a proud gay man. And the fact that his father didn't accept him didn't matter anymore. He was more worried that he would be banned from playing the violin, and from the teacher who had given him everything. Okay... that part he made up himself. And it hurt him. But he couldn't let Mr. Lightwood get fired or reported. The last straw was that night when he heard his father talking to a friend on the phone about reporting his violin teacher for sexual harassment. It was a false allegation and he couldn't let that happen. This was one of the reasons why he ran away from home.

He wanted to call his violin teacher to tell him that everything was fine, but he didn't want to risk it just yet. He didn't have his phone number anyway, because he was such an idiot that he threw away his SIM card. And frankly, his teacher's social media presence was zero. He'll contact him later. He can still call the school and reach him there. But later. Right now, there's still so much to sort out.

It was a busy day. He has an apartment, maybe tomorrow he will find a solution to his green card problem. He'd been tossing and turning in his bed for about two hours, longing for some sleep after a tiring day, but he couldn't fall asleep. That ballet dancer. He couldn't get him out of his mind.

Damn insomnia. When he closed his eyes, he saw the dancer. He was completely mesmerized. He saw him pirouetting, and dancing gracefully, then changing his movements and pulsing along to the rhythm of the street music. It was an expressive, graceful yet powerful mix of dance and music, classical and modern.

Yes, he heard the music, and saw it in his imagination. Excitedly, he crawled out of bed, took out his blank music score and obsessively began to write. He saw him dancing, and it was as if he were dancing in a cavalcade of notes. Sometimes he took the violin, played a line, then he erased that line and corrected it in the score. When he'd filled in several pages of score, he put down the pencil and rubbed his tired eyes. It was 4 in the morning when he finished. He leaned back on the couch and fell asleep in moments.

Henry woke up in the morning with an aching body. He looked at the score he had written last night, picked up his violin and played it. Mr. Lightwood would be proud. That's what he felt.

He took out the business card he had got from the landlord. Rigazzi & Partner Law Firm. They were in Manhattan. Where else? He called the number. The lawyer immediately got the call. They set up a meeting at an Italian restaurant.

"Good afternoon, I'm Henry Fox." Henry greeted the lawyer when he arrived at the restaurant.

"Reuben Rigazzi. Have a seat. Can I get you anything?"

Henry shook his head. This restaurant was too expensive for him.

"So Luke gave you my number, right? How can I help you?"

"I need a green card. He said you could help me with that."

"Sure. Five thousand."

"Pardon me, what? I don't have that much money. How long would it take to get it?"

"You pay five thousand and you get it immediately."

"Is that legal?" asked Henry cautiously.

"Of course it is. Do you think I'm some kind of mafioso?" The lawyer raised his voice.

Henry thought about it for a while, and finally decided that this wasn't going to work for him.

"Sorry, no...I don't have that much money. Anyway, thanks for your time." Henry looked at him disappointed, and was about to leave.

Sipping his red wine, the lawyer pondered.

"Wait. Listen, I want to help. You can pay in part-payments. Call me weekly and we'll meet here. When you pay in full, you'll get your green card."

"Thank you. Do we have to write some kind of contract?"

"Just in the end. Don't worry about it."

At that moment, Henry had no idea how he was going to make enough money.

London

Alec has had a slow week. He tried to ask some students about Henry, but no one knew anything about him. On Thursday, he couldn't take it anymore and went to the police. As it turned out, this made no sense. Henry was of age and no family member had reported him missing. There was nothing Alec could do because he wasn't part of the family. Alec went home disappointed. He had no idea what to do or who to talk to. He even registered for Twitter and Instagram to see if he could find Henry. He couldn't find him. But he found Izzy. His breath was stuck in his lungs, he felt dizzy. He dropped the phone, and it fell to the floor.

Family. Pain. Loneliness. He used to call his family every Sunday. Since he ran away to London, he's shut himself off from them. He talked to Izzy for a while. But she kept saying what a jerk he'd been and how he'd hurt Magnus. And Izzy was right. Now he knew it too. But too much time had passed. He sat in his apartment in London, his cat curled up on his lap, and he felt so damn lonely. He flashed back to the first time he'd met Magnus. When he had leaned against the railing of the bridge and was about to climb over it. He felt so miserable.

6 years ago in New York on the George Washington Bridge

Alec leaned over the railing. Perhaps a little more than he should have. Well, actually a lot more than he should. But he was so desperate. It was January, and it was goddamn cold. He sucked the cold fresh air deep into his lungs. He closed his eyes as he leaned over the railing, and it felt like he could finally be free if he fell. Then a strong hand grabbed his coat on his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Hey, what are you doing dude? Are you completely out of your mind?"

Alec's mind cleared at that moment. He regained his balance and looked in confusion at the man in front of him. With his back against the railing, he slid to the ground and his tears began to fall. The man sat down next to him, not really knowing what to do. He gently wrapped his arms around him and held him until he calmed down. His sobs slowly faded, then Alec started to talk to the stranger.

"Noah cheated on me. And you know what the most heartbreaking thing about all this was? That he cheated on me with a woman. A ballet dancer with long blonde hair. When I got home, they were fucking in our bed. The same bed he was in with me yesterday. And he said I could never give him the pleasure that bitch gave him. We were together for 2 years." When he realized how much of himself he'd given up to a stranger, he was suddenly freaked out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spill my shit on you. Thanks for holding me back. It would have been pretty stupid of me to jump, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, jumping is never the right decision. Listen, I'd love to talk with you more, and I don't know if you have anywhere to go, but I'm freezing as fuck and I live 2 minutes from here. If you'll accept a hot cup of tea, we can continue this in a more comfortable place."

When he saw the guy looking at him oddly, he realized how what he had just said sounded.

"Believe me, I'm not a satyr or anything, and I don't normally invite anyone off the street, but I'm freezing my ass off, and I'd hate to leave you here alone on the bridge after what you were about to do. I'm Magnus, by the way, and I study at Juilliard. I'm studying ballet. Jesus…ballet,..okay, I guess that sounds terrible after what you just said."

Alec's eyes widened.

"I'm Alec, and I study at Juliard. I'm studying violin, and no, I have nowhere to go now since my boyfriend is fucking a girl in my sublet at this moment."

"I'm so sorry. Tea then? Anyway, if you're not a weirdo, I have a room for rent. My flatmate Cat moved in with her boyfriend a week ago.

Church's mewing brought him back to the present. He looked down at him, stroked his head.

"You're thinking about him too, huh? Come on, we'll get you some dinner."

He picked up his phone from the floor, and thought about getting in touch with Izzy. Maybe... But not today.

New York, a few days earlier

When Magnus woke up the next day, Cat was already gone. He found a note on the bedside table.

"I made some pancakes. Eat them because you're too skinny. Call me if you need me. Love you."

Magnus smiled. Then he noticed some movement beside him. His roommate was waking up. He stretched and yawned a big one, then looked at Magnus with his big, beautiful eyes.

"Good morning Chairman." he patted the head of his cat, who had slept by his side every day since Alec left. Chairman Meow purred and snuggled up to Magnus.

"I miss him too, Chairman. Believe me, I miss him too. I was so stupid not to fight for him hard enough. But you know what? It's over. After all, what have I got to lose? It couldn't be more screwed up than this, right?"

Out of a sudden idea, he picked up his phone and was wondering what to say to her when, after a few rings, she picked up.

"Hi Isabelle, it's Magnus."

Chapter 5-

New York - Magnus

"Ohmygoddddd, Magnus! Are you okay, sweetie?"

"No. I'm not okay. Look Isabelle, I need to find Alec. When was the last time you spoke with him?"

There was silence on the end of the phone for a while.

"I haven't spoken with him for more than six months, Magnus. Listen, are you at home? Can we meet?"

"I'm going to be teaching, but I'm free tonight. My place at 7pm?"

"I'll be there."

When Magnus hung up the phone, he couldn't get Izzy's words out of his mind. Alec had been damned lonely for six months, or... well, he was maybe with someone. He couldn't decide which he'd rather prefer.

He was worried about Alec. More and more. In fact, he hadn't stopped worrying about him in a year, he'd just been trying to ignore it. He was too angry and too desperate to admit it. He had a history of ignoring feelings.

They had been living in a shared sublet for about 10 months. They became best friends...

At that time, Alec had more and more problems that he was finding hard to deal with. Or rather, pretty badly. He broke up with his new boyfriend. There was no drama, certainly not as much as with his previous boyfriend Noah. Then Alec was broken, because he thought Noah was the one. On top of that, he cheated on him with a woman. He learned to take it easy, and now he and James just realized they weren't meant for each other. They had a decent talk and went their separate ways. Plus Alec was struggling with his music. Somehow he couldn't find himself. He said the fire died in him. He neglected to practice, and of course, after a while, this became a problem for the teachers. He was on the verge of having his scholarship withdrawn and being kicked out of school.

Magnus found out too late that something was wrong. Of course, he had his own everyday problems. Ballet can be cruel. Bleeding feet, constantly aching muscles. Things were not going well with his girlfriend at the time. In fact, there was no chemistry between them at all.

That evening, Magnus found out - completely by accident - what Alec was doing. Magnus was simply inattentive, didn't notice Alec was in the bathroom, and went in. Alec was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his head thrown back and breathing heavily. While his thighs were covered in blood.

"What the fuck? Alec? What's going on?"

"Shit."

Alec threw a towel on his thigh and tried to stand up, but Magnus gently pushed him back. He knelt down in front of him and took the blade from his hand. He wiped the blood off with the towel and saw that it was not the first cut on Alec's thigh.

"I'm not gonna ask you anything. I know there's a lot of shit around you, you know? But believe me, it's not the solution. Just tell me if you need me, and I'll help you. With anything. But promise me you'll never, ever do this again. Do you understand me?"

Alec was silent. He nodded quietly. The first tear slowly rolled down his cheek. He cried in silence. Magnus wet the towel, wiped away the remaining blood. He disinfected the cut then he ran his fingers gently over the old scars. So many painful memories. They were silent all the time. By the time Magnus was finished, the first seeds of love had sprouted in his heart and remained hidden for almost a year.

New York - Alex

The music was loud in the bar. They all danced. Everybody was sweaty, everybody was drunk, everybody was making out with their casual partner for the evening. Everybody. Except Alex. And that was the weirdest thing. It wasn't that he couldn't hook up with anyone. He'd never had a problem with this. He was charming and attractive. The girls knew him, and knew what to expect from him. A one-night stand. Nothing more, nothing less. Alex was good in bed, gentle, and, being a ballet dancer, had the flexibility of a cat. Everyone knew that. They also knew not to expect a serious relationship... or any relationship. It was fine with everyone. No Friday night party ended with him leaving the bar alone. But something had changed. Nora noticed he was sitting alone at the bar. She walked out of the dancing crowd and sat next to him.

"What's wrong with you Alex? I've never seen you sitting here alone. Who's the lucky one today, haven't you decided yet?"

"I'm just not in the mood today sweet pea."

"Are you sick?" Nora reached up to his forehead to see if he had a fever.

"Just...confused. My thoughts are racing and I don't know, I think I'm gonna go home."

"Geez, are you in love? It's Julie, isn't it? From the dance group? Oh my God, are you two dating?" a wide grin spread across Nora's lips as she nudged Alex by the shoulder.

"You know my rules. No dates, no headaches. I'm not dating Julie. She has a boyfriend anyway. How did you even think of that? Go, they're waiting for you. I'll be fine. See you tomorrow sweet pea. And don't forget to use condoms!" shouted Alex afterwards, smiling as he looked at his friend.

He paid for his drink and headed home. No, he was not okay at all. He was confused, because even though Rita had come to him today, and then Debby, and someone else whose name he couldn't even remember, somehow he hadn't turned on. There was only one person in his mind. The one he didn't even know, the one who happens to be a man. The truth is that it scared him. Not that he hadn't had his eye on good-looking men before. Attractive is attractive. No matter the gender. But this was different somehow. Yes, the man with the violin was attractive. And tall. Almost as tall as him. And muscular. And beautiful. Alex is completely lost in his hazel eyes, and those plump soft lips. All he wanted to kiss him... Well, that's what scared the hell out of him. He was an experienced lover, and he never EVER thought of a girl in that way. Especially not a girl he'd only seen for a few minutes. So yes. Alex was not okay. And that made him panic. On the way home, he started Spotify. Music always cleared his mind. He listened to Chopin, and it didn't help his confusion at all. In fact.

New York - Henry

Henry calculated and planned. He tried to pick up the rhythm of the city, which was quite different from London. He decided not to spend the rest of his money, as it would be enough for a few months' rent. At the moment, he couldn't think long term. So he had to earn money to pay the lawyer the weekly installments. He could save money on food. He could cook simple meals. His mother taught him. So he didn't have to spend much on that. He didn't have much need. He spent his days practicing and planning for the future. When he tried- unsuccessfully - to find a job for the umpteenth day, he remembered the dance group.

When he saw the ballet dancer. On whom that girl was clinging. He shook his head to see not the incredibly beautiful eyelashes, but the opportunity. The opportunity he hadn't realized until now. Passers-by kept throwing money into the baskets for the dancers. After all, he could do that. All he has to do is stand there and play his violin. He was a little insecure, but what could he lose? At most, they won't give him any money.

Henry grabbed his violin and stopped on a busy corner. He took out his violin, opened the case, put it in front of him and started to play some classics. People stopped, smiled at him, threw some money for him, but they weren't really engaged by the music. Everyone just stopped for a few minutes, listened a bit, then went about their business. Nevertheless, the money was accumulating nicely. But he couldn't deny himself, he was an artist, and he wanted attention. He began to play the piece he had written that sleepless night. Modern mixed with classical, soft music with a powerful rhythm. And people suddenly stopped and listened.

A few hours later, when he went home, he put $180 in the metal box and wrote "green card money" on it.

Henry felt alive again. He gave and received. That was his life.

New York - Magnus

When Magnus arrived home, he was exhausted. It wasn't the work that had worn him out. He loved teaching. It was all he had left of dancing. He stopped performing. After that night when Alec was going to propose and then his whole life crashed, he canceled all his performances. He was shining then and now he lives like an old hermit. Every now and then he wondered if it was time to perform again after a year, but he just couldn't yet.

When Izzy arrived they hugged each other tightly.

"Isabelle, you look beautiful. It's been so long. I missed you."

"I missed you too. I miss you both." Izzy said quietly.

Well, it wasn't a happy meeting, but they did meet to fix some mistakes. At least they're trying to. They knew that in this situation, everyone was right, but at the same time, neither of them was. Each of them hurt each other. But somebody had to step up and make it right. If that's even possible. But Magnus didn't want to give up hope. He will swallow his pride. Magnus knew with every fiber of his being that he would be the one to make the first step. No matter how scared he was of it, no matter how terrified he was of failure. But he knew one thing. He hadn't closed this relationship yet. He didn't want to, he couldn't...yet, and he would fight for it with everything he had.

Chapter 6-

London - Alec

After a tiring day, Alec had finally got home. He couldn't deal with the fact that the other teachers didn't care that a student had disappeared. 'He's of age, he can do what he wants', they said. Yes, they were right about that. But he knew something was wrong. Or was he overthinking again?

Church rubbed against his leg. Alec fed him first, then took out some of yesterday's leftovers for himself. He looked at his plate, but he couldn't eat. He felt a knot in his stomach. He put the food back in the fridge, changed and went to the gym. The treadmill always helps to clear his chaotic mind. He had been running for about 5 minutes and the outside world had faded around him, but now his mind was not surrounded by the usual empty white cloud, but by a memory. A beautiful memory that was rather bittersweet now.

New York - many years ago

They had been living together for almost 2 years. Alec went through a lot of shit, but Magnus always took care of him. He had a few longer, and shorter relationships, but somehow things always went wrong. Alec's relationship didn't last long, but Magnus felt like forever. It was cruel to see him always with someone else.

Alec had been single for a while. He focused all his energy on studying. And lately secretly to Magnus. His roommate, who always took care of him. Someone he could always count on, no matter the circumstances.

Then he noticed something was wrong. Magnus has been skipping dinner lately. He spent more and more time at the gym. One morning, he saw Magnus standing with a towel around his waist, looking at himself in the mirror, pinching the non-existent fat on his side, muttering to himself that he had 4 more pounds to lose. Though he was already a shadow of his former self, he was so thin.

"Magnus, you aren't serious, are you?"

"Alexander, the Master told me that I must be in perfect shape for the exam. You know how strict he is about that."

"That's not healthy, Magnus. Don't think I haven't noticed you've been skipping dinners. You hardly eat enough anyway."

"Who says ballet is healthy?"

"It's still not right. I've made you a proper meal for today. Take it with you and eat it, please. See you tonight."

When Alec came home in the evening, Magnus wasn't home yet.

After an hour, Alec began to worry. Magnus hasn't been partying lately, and he didn't answer his his first thought, he called the school reception and asked if he was still there. Then He took his keys and the sandwiches he had made for him that morning. Of course Magnus had left them at home.

It was dark. There were only a few people now in the building. He didn't even have to ask the doorman, he knew Magnus liked to practice in a quiet room at the end of the corridor where there wasn't so much noise. He hurried there. The door was ajar.

He leaned against the doorjamb and watched him pirouetting. Again, and again, and again. He was beautiful. He loved to watch him dance. The way he concentrated. The way his muscular body was covered in a veil of sweat. This man was fucking beautiful. Why hadn't he noticed that before? Piruett... again... again... again... until he was out of breath, until it was perfect.

And then Magnus suddenly felt dizzy. Alec caught him just in time before he collapsed. He dropped to half knee behind him, and held the dancer in his arms. Magnus leaned against him and took his hand. He looked up at him. Alec was lost in his chocolate eyes. He'd never seen him so beautiful, so vulnerable. He just wanted to protect him. He just wanted to kiss him. His brain stopped working, his emotions were taking over the control. He leaned down and gently touched his lips to Magnus'. When Alec felt the salty tears on his lips, he pulled away.

"I...I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Shut up, I've wanted this for so long." Magnus breathed and pulled the now extremely embarrassed Alec back for a kiss. This time it wasn't just their lips brushing. Their lips slowly parted as they explored each other's sweet taste,their tongues danced hungrily until they ran out of breath.

"How did I not notice you before?" gasped Alec.

"But now you do."

"Enough of practice, let's go home."

Magnus struggled to stand up. He was in pain. He leaned on Alec.

In the locker room, Alec took out the sandwiches and didn't stop until Magnus had at least a few bites. Meanwhile, he bent down to take off his ballet slippers. He was horrified when he saw Magnus' bloody toes.

"Magnus, do you dance with injured feet?"

"The Master always says, ballet takes effort."

"It's not okay. It's fucking not okay Magnus." He gently wiped the blood with a wet towel. Then he threw everything into Magnus' sports bag and slung it on his shoulder. Then he tossed Magnus on his shoulder too. When he protested, he shushed him.

"Just let me take care of you."

London - Alec

"Sir," someone shook his shoulder, " it's 10pm, we have to close the gym."

Alec snapped out of his thoughts. He stopped the treadmill. His clothes were soaked with sweat.

"Excuse me, I'll go."

New York - Henry - Alex

Henry, playing music on the street and doing other casual work, had already paid the lawyer $900 when Mr. Rigazzi said he would have to travel for an extended period of time soon. So if he wanted the papers, he had to get the money sooner. Henry didn't hesitate long, he took the money he had set aside for rent. Although he didn't risk spending it all, he was still $1,000 short of the green card.

He changed his location. He went to the subway station to play because there were more people there. He was playing his own piece again when he saw him in the crowd. The ballet dancer. He closed his eyes and swayed to the music. The next moment there was chaos. Two gangs attacked each other. Alex couldn't open his eyes, he was swept away. Henry saw him fall, as if in slow motion, straight towards the tracks.

He acted quickly without thinking. He put the violin in its case and stepped up and caught him just in time. He pulled Alex back from the edge of the platform. They stood there for only a second, when Henry saw out of the corner of his eye someone pick up his precious violin and run off with it. Leaving Alex behind, he ran after him but he couldn't reach him.

When Alex saw what had happened, he went to the violin case, swept the money in and closed it. He went to find the boy. He found him a block away, panting, leaning against the wall.

"Thank you for not letting me fall. This is yours." he said as he handed him the case.

Henry looked at him desperately.

"They stole my violin. What am I going to do now?"

"Call the police, I guess?"

"No way. Then my father can find me. He cannot know where I am." Henry was on the verge of tears. Just when things were starting to turn well, ... but fate kicked him in the nuts. Again.

"Listen. You're not the first one to lose a borrowed violin. You borrow it from Juilliard, don't you? They can't kick you out of school for that."

Henry walked fast, looking frantically around the streets and alleys. In case he saw the man who had stolen his violin. He had no idea what to do. A world was about to collapse around him. His head was spinning, his thoughts whirling like a speeding train. How would he get the rest of the money now? He wandered the streets like a lunatic.

Alex did not leave him alone, he hurried after him.

"Hey, will you stop please? Hey, can you hear me?"

"Why are you following me? Leave me alone, I already have enough problems. Just fuck off," yelled Henry.

But Alex is not the kind of person who gives up.

"Stop for God's sake and start talking in meaningful sentences. I can't help it if you're such a prick. " Alex yelled back.

"Do you want meaningful sentences? Well, listen to this. I really can't get kicked out of school because I don't study at Juilliard... That violin was my grandfather's inheritance. It's the only thing I own and the only memory I have of my family. It's a Luigi Mingazzi. It's worth tens of thousands of dollars. I still have to pay the lawyer $1,000 for the green card, and I only have about enough money for two months' rent.. I ran away from London, and...and...now I have absolutely no fucking idea what to do. You. Can't. Help. Me.

Henry said, poking Alex in the chest with every word of the last sentence.

Alex stood silent. He waited for Henry to finish.

"I'm sorry. Are you done?" he said, and then he grabbed his wrist and pulled after him.

"Come with me."

"But..." Henry tried to argue.

"Just come."

They entered a shop 2 streets away. Better said a pawn shop.

"Hello Sam, Did anyone try to sell you a violin today?... What kind?" he turned to Henry.

"Luigi Mingazzi"

"If you see it please give me a call. It's important. Thanks."

"Okay, Alex, no problem."

It didn't last 2 minutes. Alex grabbed Henry's hand again and pulled him out of the store. He didn't let his hand outside. Right away. Henry's hand was... soft? Warm? And it just felt right to hold?

"Okay. Have you stopped having a hysterical breakdown? Sam is the father of my classmate. All traffickers come here. And believe me, all the stolen stuff that's sold, Sam will know about it or it's gonna end up here.

"Sorry, I was a prick. I'm just freaked out. Thank you. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want a coffee or a beer? I live 5 minutes away."

"I could do with a beer, thanks."

They sat on the couch in silence for a while. Alex was getting more and more confused. He was embarrassed around Henry. He just couldn't handle the situation. Especially when he saw how lost Henry was. Is it a normal thing, that he just wants to help him and comfort him? Alex was confused. Fucking pretty much.

"Listen, I'm really sorry I was a prick to you. I shouldn't have been. It's not your fault. This is my shit, not yours. Thanks for helping me out. The truth is, I don't know how I'm gonna make any money now." Henry buried his face in his palms.

Alex looked at him and took Henry's phone from the table. He sent himself a text.

"Now you have my number. If Sam calls, I'll text you.. However, I have to go now. I have classes tomorrow morning. Thanks for the beer. Call or text me. Anytime you need me. Okay?"

Alex left and immediately called the one person he trusted enough to share the reasons of his confusion.

"Nora, are you free? I need you. I'll be at yours in 20 minutes."

New York - Magnus

Magnus grabbed his phone. He looked at it blankly for a while. Then he put it back on the bedside table. Then he grabbed it again and started writing.

Hey ...he deleted.

How are you? ... deleted.

I'm sorry... deleted.

"I miss you." sent.

His heart was beating like hell. He looked at his phone for minutes. He waited ... although he didn't know what he was waiting for. Maybe Alec would answer right now, they'd make up and he'd move back home. What a stupid thought.

"A year has passed. You are such an idiot, Magnus" he said aloud, then put back the phone.

It was 10pm and he was so exhausted. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Alex had a performance coming up, and there were the other classes he was teaching. He decided to go to bed early. He went to take a shower.

London - Alec

Alec could not soothe his troubled soul. Running didn't help, in fact it intensified the storm in his mind and soul. It was 3am and he lay sleepless in his bed. Church was curled up next to him, asleep. He tried to read, but he couldn't concentrate. He just lay in the dark room, staring at the ceiling and listening to Church's soft snoring. It didn't help his troubled soul at all that he remembered that in New York, when he couldn't sleep at night, he would just cuddle up to the man lying next to him, breathe in his sandalwood scent, and his mind would immediately relax and he could fall asleep.

Suddenly his phone beeped and its screen flashed in the dark. Church opened his eyes at the sound, he scowled at his human.

"Damn, I forgot to turn it off. Sorry Church."

He grabbed the phone to see who the idiot was texting him at 3am, and then when he saw he felt like he couldn't breathe.

A name flashed up on the screen: Babe ️

Chapter 7-

New York - Alex

Alex paced up and down Nora's living room.

"What's wrong with you Alex?"

"I'm completely confused, Nora. I have no idea what to do."

"Okay, Who did you knock up? Rita?"

"God, no, what are you thinking?"

"Jesus? Is it Julie? You said she had a boyfriend, right? My God, is she going to keep the baby? You totally screwed up, honey. A baby can ruin your dancing career. Do your parents know? And Julie's parents? Jesus, does her boyfriend know? Doesn't he play hockey? Alex, you're dead. He's gonna kill you."

"Nobody's going to kill me, for God's sake, I didn't knock anybody up. Especially not Julie. Have you seen her boyfriend? He's a 6'6" goliath. I didn't put a baby in anybody. Jeez Nora."

"OK, I don't get you at all now."

Alex looked at his friend, and for the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words. But he knew he could trust Nora, so he gathered up all his courage to tell her.

"I... I... I kinda like someone. But I don't feel the way I usually do, like we're just going to hook up for one night and goodbye. Nora, I feel like I'm being pulled by a rope to this person. I don't know how to say this, but it's like this butterfly thing really exists. I just feel like there's a thousand of them fluttering in my stomach, and gosh, it feels so good, at the same time it scares the hell out of me."

"Come sit here," Nora patted the couch for the still pacing Alex, "honey, it's called loveeeee." she said as she wrapped her arms around him.

Alex looked into her eyes and took a deep breath,

"Nora, who I like, happens to be a man. Maybe I'm...how can I say this...maybe I'm...bisexual." Alex was nothing but a whisper.

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

"I hope that's not a problem for you, is it?"

"No...I guess not...it's just weird, and I don't understand why I didn't feel it before. I mean, I'm not 18 anymore. You know better than anyone that my sex life is pretty active...but I've only been with women. I've never thought of a man the way I think about him. And it drives me crazy."

"Well, maybe you haven't met the right man yet. Don't you think so?"

"I don't know sweet pea."

"How do you know him? Wait, do I know him? Is he even queer?"

"You don't know him. He's from London. But somehow we always bump into each other. At school, in the street, and today on the subway. He played his violin there, And I have no idea if he's straight or not. So, I almost fell off the tracks. He caught me, and I swear, he stared into my eyes and I felt time stopped around us and I just wanted him to hold me forever. Sweet pea, I'm completely lost and I have no one to talk to about it but you."

"Honey, I'll always listen if you need me, and I know you will figure this out. I'm proud of you and I love you. Do you want to sleep here? I have early classes tomorrow, and I think you do too."

"You're sweet, but I can't. My clothes are in my dorm. Thanks for everything. I love you."

That night, Alex couldn't sleep at all. He just stared at the ceiling in the dark room. His thoughts were racing back and forth. In the morning, when the clock rang, he looked like he had been hit by a road roller.

"Mr. Bane is going to kill me," he groaned as he looked in the mirror.

"What an idiot I am. Mr. Bane, of course, he might help. He is bi. But can I talk to him about something like this? Although he once said I could go to him with any problem." Alex chatted amiably to his own reflection in the empty room.

"No way, I have to talk to him, because I seem to be going crazy."

He grabbed his stuff and left.

London, Aleec

A name flashed up on the screen: Babe ️

Something wrong happened to him. That was the first thought that crossed his mind. God, that's why he doesn't have any performances. Is he hurt? Is he sick? Why did he write?

He immediately opened the message and just stared at the screen. But what he saw was absolutely, totally unexpected.

M : "I miss you."

A knot formed in Alec's stomach. Something is seriously wrong. Why did Magnus write to him after a year? He had no idea what to do. He would have rather flown across the ocean. If he had to, he would have broken into a fucking castle. Even after a year he would do anything for him. But now he was sitting here in his apartment in London at 3am, staring at his phone, completely frozen. He didn't know how long, but it was probably quite a long time, because his hand was numb from gripping the phone. He took a deep breath, shook his head, hoping that would help. It didn't help at all. Okay, come on Alec, you gotta pull yourself together.

A: "Babe? Are you okay?"

New York - Magnus

He stood under the shower for a long time, letting the hot water soothe his nerves, hoping it would help him calm down. It didn't. With wet hair and a towel around his waist, he went into the bedroom. Chairman was curled up in bed, looking at him sleepily. He lay beside him. He was exhausted. Mostly mentally. Enveloped himself with the blanket, and looked at his phone before hugging Chairman, though he didn't know why, it was dawn in London. And then his heart skipped a beat. 1 message. He sat up in bed and looked at his phone. Alexander replied. It was 3.30am in London. And Alexander texted him back. His hand was shaking as he tried to unlock his phone. He didn't manage it at first.

A: "Babe? Are you okay?"

Magnus felt a knot in his throat, then the first tear rolled down his cheek and fell onto the screen of his phone. The other tears followed. Sobs shook his shoulders. His heart seemed to be torn apart by a multitude of emotions. Pain, joy, fear, love. He couldn't answer when he saw Alec calling him Babe, as he used to do.

A: "Please answer, you're scaring me."

Magnus was confused. To be honest, he hadn't expected this. He expected Alec either not answer or to coldly refuse. But the fact that the man he hadn't seen in a year was worried about him, well, that hit him in the face.

M: "No, I'm not okay."

London - Alec

Alec didn't know what was going on. Why was Magnus texting him? One thing he knew was that he would do everything for his man. His man? Magnus wasn't his man anymore. Maybe someone hurt him or his new love broke up with him? He just hoped he wasn't sick.

A: "You aren't sick, are you?"

M: "No, I'm just…"

Magnus, for God's sake, why aren't you talking? He was thinking about pressing the little green phone button and calling him right now, but then he decided not to do that. He was already an emotional wreck. He wouldn't survive if he heard Magnus' voice. Especially since he obviously needed help. After all, why would he write to him? He'd been such an idiot a year ago, by not letting him explain what happened and acting like a jerk and left him.

A: " Look Magnus, I'm listening, whenever you are ready to talk."

M: " I just don't want to disturb your night...I guess you're not alone."

When Alec read it, his heart skipped a beat. Magnus wants to know. Alec knew his man deeply. He knew Magnus wanted to know if he was alone. The first butterfly, and maybe the second, began to flutter in his stomach.

A: "I've been sharing my bed with the same guy for a year. And he was really grumpy when he woke up to the vibration of the phone. His name is Church."

The answer came immediately

M: "Idiot, you scared me "

A: "And you? Is someone sleeping next to you?"

M: " Chairman sleeps with me since you left."

In Alec's stomach, the 2 butterflies were joined by a thousand more. At the same time he was confused. He couldn't understand what had happened and why it had happened now. Even though he'd been wanting this to happen for a year. For Magnus to make the first move. He felt too guilty to do it himself. After all, he was the one who'd left Magnus and picked up one of their cats and ran away to London. He was the one who didn't care about Magnus' explanation.

New York - one year ago

When Alec ran out of the theater, he headed home immediately. He grabbed his suitcase and threw some clothes in it. His phone kept ringing. It was Magnus. He switched it off. All he could see was that woman. As Camille had her arms around Magnus' neck and was kissing him. He couldn't get it out of his mind. He couldn't think rationally. He'd felt this feeling before, and he thought he'd never feel it again.

What a cruel twist of fate. The last time he felt this way was years ago when he stood at the bridge railing and thought it better to end his life. When Noah cheated on him with a woman. And now Magnus was kissing a woman. Just when he was about to propose.

How stupid he was. How could he think anyone would ever be faithful to him? He even thought for a moment about ending their story where it began. On the bridge. But he and Magnus had become mature in all those years, and he knew that wasn't the solution. So he picked up one of their cats and left. He was hiding in a motel for a week. Then he ran away to London.

London - Alec -Now

M: " Are you still there?"

A: " Magnus, what happened? Why now?"

M: " Chopin."

A: "?"

M: " Someone was playing Chopin in your classroom. Our Chopin. I thought you were back, but only a student was playing his violin. I was having a breakdown. Again. Izzy came to visit me. And then I decided I wasn't ready to let you go. Not yet. Not without trying everything. After all, what have I got to lose? You can't leave me any more than you already have, can you? However, I blame myself perhaps even more than I blame you, for not fighting hard enough for us. My ego was too big and I was only focused on my own pain. Alexander, I was so stupid to let you go. So I decided to swallow all my pride and fight for us, because without you everything is pointless. I don't care about anything, because I'm feeling so lonely without you. Can I call you?"

Alec just looked at the screen of his phone. His eyes were clouded with tears, and he could barely hit the call button with his trembling fingers.

"Babe?" said Alec, his voice hoarse with crying.

Chapter 8-

New York - Henry

Henry slept like a baby that night. Although his life was still a bloody rollercoaster, the knowledge that Alex was helping him and he wasn't alone eased his troubled nerves. And damn it, he had never seen such a beautiful man. His eyelashes, his eyes...this man was hot AF. When he held Alex on the subway to keep him from falling off the tracks, their eyes locked for a split second there, and in that special moment something captured him, and it hasn't let go since.

New York - Magnus

"Babe?" said Alec, his voice hoarse with crying.

That sweet voice he hadn't heard in a year. Magnus was unable to speak. His words were trapped in his chest, he couldn't think straight. Alec called him 'Babe'. Silence fell on both sides of the phone. The outside world ceased, they heard nothing but each other's breathing.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. This was a bad idea. Goodbye." Alec said after a while, when Magnus was still unable to speak.

Magnus panicked. Do something or he'll hang up. Talk to him.

"Wait, wait, wait, please Alexander don't hang up, please."

There was silence. But Alec didn't hang up the phone. He was hesitating. Then he finally made the right decision.

"Magnus, what are we doing? I...I...I really don't know what to say. I'm confused, and…"

"Alexander, please..."

That's all Alec needed. His soft soothing voice, the way his name rolls on Magnus' lips. He could actually feel him reaching across the ocean and touching with his soft, warm hands to his cheek, and he would melt into it and all his worries would disappear. Everything will be alright. Because he has his Magnus.

"I miss you Magnus." Alec said in a fading voice.

"I miss you too Alexander. I can't even describe how goddamn much I miss you. Even though you're not here with me, you're the reason I'm still breathing and I haven't given up... everything."

And something has cracked here, on the thick brick wall between them, built by their own resentment and stubbornness. It was as if they had hit that massive brick wall with a small hammer, and little by little, hammer blow by hammer blow, sentence by sentence, they began to break it down. Each on their own side, with a concerted effort, they began to crave tiny holes in each side of the heavy wall. With each sentence, they made an irrevocable mark on the bricks. And slowly, there were more and more sentences, and more and more cracks appeared on that wall.

They talked about little sweet nothings, insignificant everyday things. Quietly, calmly. They knew it was not the place for deeper conversation yet. They were both glad to hear each other's voices. That was enough for now. They didn't notice how fast the time passed while they were talking. Until Alec's alarm clock went off.

"Magnus, it's 6 a.m. here. I have to go to work." Alec interrupted Magnus softly.

"I didn't even let you sleep. I'm sorry."

"I can tell you that this was actually my best night since I've been here. And, you know,... I wouldn't mind doing this again. Can I call or text you tonight? At a more reasonable time than 3 in the morning?"

"Me neither. I'm happy that we talked and to hear your voice, and...I should go, I guess…now"

"Good night Magnus. You can sleep a few more hours. Sweet dreams. I...I lo...l...I missed you."

"Have a wonderful day Alexander. Me too. I mean, I missed you too."

Magnus could have slept for a few more hours, indeed, but he couldn't. He just stared at the ceiling, feeling happy and wondering why he hadn't taken this step earlier, since he had never stopped loving his Alexander.

The next morning he looked like he had been hit by a road roller. He was tired, but his soul was relaxed. He took out his make-up box and put some make-up on his eyes. Not as much as he used to, he just used kohl. It's been a year since he went to work without make-up. But today he felt he was being himself again. He didn't leave his hair flat, he took out his hair gel and made it spiky.

When he entered the school, he found Alex not in the training room, as usual, but in the changing room. He sat there, not even changing, but leaning on his elbows. Something was wrong with this boy. Magnus noticed as soon as he saw him.

"Alex, you look like I feel myself. Are you okay?" asked Magnus.

"No, Mr. Bane, I'm not okay. I actually wanted to ask you something, I wanted to talk to you about something, and I don't really know how to say it because I'm really confused and ..." Alex looked up at his teacher and his jaw dropped.

"Mr. Bane, I've never seen you like this, just wow...you're stunning. But you didn't sleep last night either?"

"I haven't slept a wink. You know what? Come on, we're taking the day off." Magnus said, grabbing Alex's arm, pulling him behind. They went to a nearby café and sat in a quiet corner in the back. Magnus ordered two coffees, then turned to the still surprised Alex.

"Tell me what's on your mind. Girlfriend problem?"

"I... I... I just don't know, my parents aren't here and I just can't talk about it on the phone... Mr. Bane, to be honest, I'm confused. It's kind of weird to ask, but,...so I've only had experience with women, and now I've met someone who happens to be a man, and I'm having thoughts that I don't really know what to do with."

Magnus stirred his coffee slowly, then put the spoon next to the cup. He smiled at Alex, whose face at this moment was turning 50 shades of red.

"You like him? Do you feel the butterfly thing in your stomach, or are you just attracted to his pretty face?"

"I just can't stop thinking about him. And I just want to help him and protect him and hold him and hug him and taste his lips and look into his eyes and...it's just killing me slowly because I'm confused and geez, what am I saying. You see, I've been a wreck since the moment I saw him, and I...Mr Bane, can I be bisexual and not know it so far? It's so embarrassing to ask." Alex looked at his teacher with tired, desperate puppy eyes and waited for the truth.

"Bisexuality is truly a rich and complex tapestry. It's beautiful, and maybe you haven't met the one until now. There's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to fit any expectations, there's no timing, when you see the true one, you just feel it. It's a beautiful thing. Don't be scared if you're attracted to a man. The attraction and love between two men is actually much more complex and powerful than straight love. You have to be strong enough to cope with challenges, insults, criticisms. We live in a much more accepting world today, but it's still not enough. And yes, two men in love have to be unflappable to take a lot of abuse and don't give a shit what anyone says... Believe me, it's the most beautiful feeling in the world."

"Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever loved someone like that?"

"Yes, and I never stopped loving him, even though it's been a year since Alexander and I broke up. We laughed and cried together until we saw our worst."

"That's the name you said when you heard my Henry play the violin."

Magnus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Alexander. Fun fact: he also plays the violin. And it's unbelievable, but the Nocturne this boy played was written for piano by Chopin. It's my favorite piece. Alexander transcribed it for me for the violin, and he often played it for me at home, and I used to just sit in front of the fireplace and listen to it or dance to it. Musicians rarely play this on the violin, and I've never heard anyone play it as beautifully as Alexander did. The violin is literally crying in his hands. Of course I'm biased. But I have to say, this young man is talented. That's probably why I thought Alexander came back, he played just like him, and believe me, I can recognize Alexander's playing in a million. But did I hear you right? MY Henry?"

"I don't even know what I'm talking about. We barely talked so far. Still, I just want to be with him. I don't even know if he is straight or not, but the way he looked at me…Honestly, no woman has ever looked at me like that. And this insecurity is killing me."

"Does this feeling embarrass you?"

"I'm confused, but the truth is that it's exciting, and at the same time this is just feels so right."

"Then go and discover the beauty of bisexuality. And remember. Anytime you need me, I'm here. You can ask me anything, anytime. Okay? I'm going to have some more coffee here, and ponder the past."

"Can I leave you here? Will you be okay?

"Yes, I'll be fine. I'll bring my Alexander back to New York and I'll be fine again. Don't worry."

Alex looked at his teacher, for whom he felt respect and love. He felt better. Much better.

"Thank you Mr. Bane. You really helped me a lot right now. It's a little weird, but can I hug you?"

Magnus stood up, feeling a kind of parental joy. He hugged Alex, then sat back and mused over his coffee and the past for a little while longer.

Chapter 9-

New York - Alex - Henry

Alex's day was free. He went back to Juilliard and rented a violin. It was easier than he the way, he decided to lie that he was a violinist and that his violin was being repaired, and he couldn't miss a day of practice. But to his surprise, they didn't ask him any questions. He had to prove that he was a student at the school, and was only asked if he was going to the competition because there was one more of the top quality violins available, and if he wanted, he would get it. In his surprise, all he could utter was a simple yes, and thanked him for helping. When the man said he hoped the violin would help him win the $25,000 grand prize, Alex nearly choked on his own saliva. On the way out, he picked up a brochure about the competition.

Half an hour later, he knocked excitedly on Henry's door. When Alex handed him the violin, Henry could only gape like a fish.

"This is not yours, the Mingazzi, or whatever it's called. No news on that yet. I borrowed this for you at Juilliard."

Henry took the violin case and just stared at it in silence. Not a sound came out of his throat. No one had ever helped him, at least no one but Mr. Lightwood. And now Alex brought him a violin to practice on.

That Alex, with whom he acted like a jerk the day before, took out his frustrations on him after his violin was stolen. And after that, Alex still was nice to him, he helped him, and he was a jerk to him again. Alex, who was gorgeous in every inch of his being, from his lil nose freckles to his curls, not to mention his fucking eyelashes. Those eyes completely mesmerized him. And now he'd brought him a violin. What did he do to deserve this? He gaped a couple more times and then, stuttering a bit, he finally managed to utter a few meaningful sentences.

"I...I...Thank you Alex. I don't know what to say."

Alex went into the apartment and put the brochure on the table.

"What is this?" Watched Henry the paper on the table

"A competition. Check it out, you might be interested. The prize is $25,000 and a scholarship. The way you play the violin, I think you'd have a chance if you competed. It's in a month. You'll have time to prepare. Give it a try, after all, what have you got to lose?"

"Okay, I'll think about it, however, the title of the competition is 'Instrument and Dance' and it says you have to bring a full performance to the stage, musician and dancer together."

"Currently, one dancer is sitting here on your couch, willing to volunteer." waved Alex.

Henry hardly believed his ears. He pointed to the sheets of music on the table. The music he'd written imagining the man dancing, who happened to be sitting on his couch. Of course, the man on his couch doesn't need to know what he was fantasizing about when he wrote the music.

"Since I couldn't practice, I kept myself busy writing music. That was the piece I played in the subway. I added some new chords and reworked it a bit. Maybe this could be the perfect piece for the competition. But first, let's see how the violin sounds."

Henry took the sheet music and put them on the music stand, then he took out the violin and just stared at it. The instrument was beautiful. Its sound was even more. He began to play Vivaldi's "Summer". It was beautiful, vibrant, passionate, sensual. Alex watched as Henry closed his eyes and fell into his own dream world, swimming with the music. He swayed as he played the violin, and as the music intensified, his posture and expression changed with it. The music flowed from every inch of him. Alex couldn't take his eyes off him. He had never felt such a strong attraction in his life. It was so different from anything he'd ever felt before.

Then Henry opened his eyes.

"Thank you. This violin has a beautiful tone. How long can I keep it?"

"As long as I study there. But I hope you get yours back sooner."

"Me too. So, this piece is not quite finished, but maybe we could do a good choreography for it. But did you really mean it when you said you'd enter this competition with me? I don't want to drag you into something you don't have the time or motivation for."

"I have the motivation, of course. Scheduling will be more challenging because I'm also preparing for a ballet competition, but we'll manage. Show me what you wrote. I'm all ears."

Henry started to play the newly written part, but suddenly stopped.

"Damn. I've messed up the rhythm here. I need to fix it. Pass me a rubber please."

"Pardon me?" asked Alex, surprised. Okay, he liked Henry, but nothing had happened between them yet. I said NOTHING, and now he totally didn't understand the situation.

"A rubber. Drop it to me, I'd like to use it."

Okay...are you s..sure?" asked Alex hesitantly.

Henry didn't look up, just nodded.

"I urgently need it, please."

Alex took out his wallet and, still full of uncertainty, took out a rubber and threw it to Henry.

"What the hell Alex? Why are you throwing condoms?"

"But..." Alex was completely confused.

Henry put down the violin, walked over to the table and picked up the eraser.

"Rubber. Huh?"

Alex felt extremely embarrassed. Until Henry started giggling. Alex stepped up to Henry, took the condom out of Henry's hand.

"Rubber," he said, and threw it on the table. Then he took Henry's other hand, which held the eraser, and picked it. Then he mentally warned himself that he should let go of Henry's hand. Reluctantly, he obeyed his brain cells.

"Eraser." he waved the eraser in front of Henry."

"Good thing we both speak English." Henry was still laughing.

He had a nice smile, noted Alex. He should laugh more.

"Okay, I'm just gonna go home now embarrassed, I haven't slept all night, and I've got to process this." said Alex, who was indeed infinitely embarrassed, not just by the beauty of the English language, but because when he held Henry's hand, he felt like he never wanted to let go. It felt so good, and it seemed so right.

London - Alec

Alec has had a tiring day. He sat in the teachers' room and after a year he still felt like an outsider. He didn't like going out. He didn't join in when they went to a pub after work or to each other's concerts. Alec hadn't given a concert since he left New York. In fact, he was lonely as hell. Now that Henry had left and he was talking with Magnus, he wondered what the hell he was still doing there? He didn't like London. It was cold, and wet all the time.

There was one reason he hadn't thought of leaving London, and that was Henry. He was the kind of student that a teacher rarely gets in life. A real gift. Of course, at that level, all his students could be said to be talented and hard-working, because they were admitted to the London Academy for a reason. But Henry was different. He was music in every fiber of his being. When he played, he created an ambience. He reminded Alec of himself. The truth is, he missed Henry. He missed his sister, and he missed Magnus. He couldn't wait for the evening to talk again.

He felt lonelier than ever, and he realized that Henry's teaching was one of the main reasons why he loved teaching in London. But he didn't have him anymore. He didn't have much left of this semester and for the first time he was thinking about quitting at the end of it and going back to New York. Whatever things worked out between him and Magnus.

New York - Alex - Henry

Alex's legs carried him back the next day. He bought a pack of beer and knocked on Henry's door.

"Come on, it's open" Henry called out, not stopping the melody he was playing on the violin.

"Beer?" asked Alex.

Henry nodded. Alex put down the beers, opened two and dropped himself on the couch.

Henry played the violin. The music was fresh, pulsing, exciting, and beautiful. Somehow, in Henry's hands, the instrument came alive.

"That's good, I like this." Alex said, and started dancing to the music. He kicked off his shoes, put down his beer, and felt the music flow through every inch of him. For the first time, he heard it in its full glory, and yet he felt like he was living with the music.

"Don't stop." said Henry. The music soared and Alex soared with him.

Then silence. Henry just stood there, panting, and lowered the violin. Alex was gasping for air. Then without thinking he walked to Henry.

"That was beautiful." he said, and hugged him. They stayed in the embrace. It felt good to be close to Henry. He was only able to concentrate on a few things. The scent of him, the fire in his eyes, his lips, his hazel eyes, his pink lips, the golden glint in his eyes, the butterflies in his stomach. And when Henry leaned in slowly, looking all the way into his eyes, the outside world ceased, there were only feelings.

He felt his soft lips slowly touching his, he felt the taste of him that was different from anything he had ever tasted before, he felt his warm, soft tongue slowly dancing around his, exploding his senses. He had never been kissed by a man before, and yet it felt like the most sensual kiss of his life.

It was so sincere, so real, so full of desire and passion like he had never felt before. He was out of breath, the room was spinning around him, and all he knew was that he never ever wanted to let go of this feeling. It was breathtaking and it felt so good to have a strong hand holding him and pulling him tight, and holding him even when they ran out of breath and stared at each other for long lingering moments. Then Henry's head cleared.

"God, what have I done, I'm sorry, I...I..."

"Hey, it's okay Henry. I wanted this."

Chapter 10-

New York - Alex and Henry

Alex gasped.

"I've never... and good Lord Hen, it was so..." Alex ruffled his hair nervously, turned around, then back again. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out of his throat. Then he tried again, but he just gaped.

Henry was quite confused. The kiss was sweet as honey and thrilling as morning dew, yet he felt as if Alex was kissing for the first time in his life. It was impossible. It can't be...sweet Jesus,... yes, it can.

He misread the signs and kissed a straight man. The panic in the pit of his stomach slowly began to creep upwards and started to cloud his thinking beyond repair. The world started to spin around him. He collapsed onto the couch and then immediately stood up to face his mistake.

"Alex, I don't know what got into me, and I don't know...I thought you were ... so sorry. I misread the signs; maybe it was because of loneliness and because I felt like everything was falling apart around me, and I thought you were too...believe me, I would never force a straight man to do such an intimate things..." Henry stammered incoherently, incredibly ashamed of himself as he gesticulated wildly, barely daring to look Alex in the eye. Until the fog was chased from his mind by a pleasant sensation, namely the feel of the soft fingers of the man in front of him on his lips.

He stopped gesturing, forgot to breathe, and looked down at the fingers still lightly pressed to his lips. The world no longer revolved around him like a carousel. Slowly, he raised his gaze to look into the eyes of the man standing calmly in front of him and saw no disgust or contempt in them. Those eyes shone like a fucking comet. Anyway, the thing worked because Henry's words and his breath were stuck in his lungs.

"Hey, like I said, I wanted this. Relax. And yes, it was my first...I mean, I've never kissed a boy before, but it was the most mind-blowing kiss of my life, and I don't think I want to stop, so calm down, stop talking, and kiss me again. PLEASE.

It took Henry some time to process what he had heard. His brain cells kicked in again. He felt Alex take his finger from his lips, and he already missed the touch. He looked into his eyes, still waiting for consent, and when he saw Alex nod, his eyes moved down to his lips. Then back to his eyes, and he didn't wait any longer, leaning in until their lips touched.

Alex's lips were soft and so plump. Henry bit gently into his lower lip. Licked it, they obeyed and parted slightly, giving way to Henry's hungry tongue. He plunged into Alex's tangled curls, and the nerves in his fingertips nearly exploded. Alex grabbed him by the hips and pulled him even closer. Alex couldn't hold back, and a low moan left his lips as he felt his cock twitch. Again and again...he felt like he was going to explode.

"Hen," he mumbled, while not stopping kissing Henry. "I think I've got an unexpected problem down there."

"I usually do a good job of handling problems down there," Henry purred.

Well, indeed. The way he handled the problem took Alex's breath away.

London - Alec

Alec looked at his sister's photos on Instagram. Izzy hasn't changed a bit. And she was still sticking with the nerd. He never thought that his beautiful, smart sister, with her irrepressible temper, would fall in love with a game developer and spend her Friday nights at home playing one of Simon's new acquisitions. But it has to be said, he loved this family tradition and the Friday board game nights. And he missed his family a lot. He made a decision. He was going to try to get his life back.

The phone rang once and Isabelle immediately picked it up, on the other side of the world.

"You idiot, where have you been?"

"Hey, Iz." came the simple answer.

Alec was never so happy to hear his sister call him an idiot. She called him an idiot on many occasions. She called him an idiot when he came out to her because she didn't understand why he hid from her for so long. Izzy called him an idiot every time he spent months babbling to her about his flatmate, how beautiful he was, and how he was dating someone else again. Even now, he hears his sister's voice: "You idiot, ask him out." Then she called him an idiot when he asked someone else out instead of Magnus, but he still longed for only him. And to this day, it still rings in his ears: "You idiot, I told you he loved you too, didn't I?" when he told Izzy how sweet, salty, and tearful their first kiss was. She also called him an idiot when she excitedly asked if Magnus had said yes to the proposal. "You idiot, you know Magnus would never do that to you, huh? Talk to him. That woman must have forced him or something." When Alec told her that he'd seen Camille kiss Magnus with his own eyes, Iz called him an idiot again for running away like a hurt child without even giving Magnus a chance to explain. While his pocket was weighed with the beautiful wedding ring, which, by the way, still lies in the velvet box in the hollow of his nightstand. In their last phone call, she did not call him an idiot. She called him a stupid, selfish coward for not being able to talk things out with Magnus. And how right she was.

"Iz, I talked with Magnus."

"I know, big bro. I met him, we talked, we cried. You know he never stopped loving you, right?" said Iz, and there was no hint of judgment or reproach in her voice, just pure love. And that was just what Alec needed to keep from crawling back into his shell.

They talked a lot and settled many things, and Alec promised he wouldn't disappear anymore.

New York - Alex and Henry

"You really know how to handle things," Alex gasped after probably the most satisfying experience of his life.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, sweetheart," Henry gave him a look that made Alex blush. And he was not embarrassed because Henry was giving him the most seductive look ever, as he licked his own thumb with his pink tongue to taste Alex's come, although that in itself was a hot moment he would never be able to and would never want to erase from his memory, but because it felt so right. It didn't feel like a sin at all.

Alex suddenly sat up on the couch, took a deep breath, and looked into Henry's eyes.

"Just to put it out there…" and here the words he wanted to say stuck in his lungs.

"Yes?"

Henry waited patiently, looking at Alex encouragingly. He closed his eyes, his long lashes casting a shadow over his blushing cheeks.

Alex was nothing but a whisper.

"I guess you could say I'm… -he looked up. His face was serious and perhaps a little frightened because this was the first time he was going to say this to someone he was attracted to. He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. Finally, he said, - I'm bisexual," nodding slightly as if to reassure himself. "yeah," He finally said it out loud because maybe he needed to hear it for himself.

He looked up slowly and stared into Henry's eyes.

The man was vulnerable and beautiful, and Henry was completely lost in those gorgeous eyes, and the fucking eyelashes just added to his desire to protect and comfort this man who was right in front of him, opening up to him in a way that perhaps to no one else he'd ever done before.

"Noted," he whispered as he watched breathless at the sight. From the messy curls to the freckles on his nose. Did I mention his fucking eyelashes?

Alex was still waiting, almost motionless, barely breathing. Then Henry realized that they hadn't talked about this topic. How could they have? He was convinced that Alex was straight, but putting the two together Henry realized that Alex probably thought about Henry the same, that he was straight too. And for Alex this all is a completely new situation and now he was probably waiting for some confirmation because he was looking at him with the expectant look of an abandoned puppy.

So Henry nodded and said:

"Ah. just to put it out there, I'm gay as a maypole."

The clouds of worry disappeared from Alex's eyes in an instant. He could practically feel the weight of the stone rolling off his chest. The corners of his lips curled up, and the tiny wrinkles around his eyes appeared, making his chocolate eyes even more enchanting. He began to giggle.

"What?" asked Henry.

"I have no idea what a maypole is," Alex said, and his giggle was addictive because now Henry was giggling too.

"Maypole, right," Henry was about to start explaining that it's a European thing, about dancing, celebration, and ribbons...

"Are they known for their homosexual tendencies?" added Alex, who was now feeling more relaxed, and this cheered Henry, who joined him.

"Oh, oh, God, yes. Notorious for it."

Alex, whose anxieties, doubts, and thoughts of shame were gone, just watched him, smiling.

And Henry felt that this was the end for him. And the reason for that was Alex -Claremont Diaz and his fucking eyelashes.

Chapter 11-

Alec -London

Alec was thinking. He was thinking a lot. He was trying to figure out how to apologize to Magnus. Sure, they talked, but they had awkwardly avoided any serious topics so far. It was a good start. But Alec had never been a man of words, and spontaneity was far from his mind. That's why he always planned everything. And he was overthinking. A lot. That's obvious. That's why he was sitting at his laptop, writing who knows how many possible scenarios for his apology, considering all the possibilities, calculating, adding, and subtracting so as not to screw up again.

Because he knew that if he did something spontaneously, he would screw it up badly. Because he did it spontaneously that night, and he spontaneously ran like a coward, refused every opportunity to talk things out, and spontaneously fucked up their lives. The cats' lives, too. His sister's life, too. And here he warned himself that he was already overthinking how much he'd overthought back then.

And then it occurred to him that there was one time when he hadn't thought anything through, he had acted spontaneously, yet he was the happiest man on the planet. The time he didn't end his life on the bridge and accepted a stranger's invitation instead.

Or rather twice, when he took Church and Chairman Meow home that rainy night...

A loud crack and Church's shrill whine brought him back to the present. Something is wrong. The cat meowed in pain. He rushed into the living room and found the cat meowing in the middle of a ficus tree on the floor, littered with broken flower pots, scattered dirt, and torn leaves. He looked at Alec and tried to get to his feet, but something was wrong with his front leg.

"Oh my goodness! Church, how many times have I asked you to leave that plant alone on top of the wardrobe? Come on, show me your feet. Geez, you've got potting soil all over your fur."

Alec picked up the cat, who had dropped some leaves and potting soil on the floor. He touched the cat's leg, and Church meowed in pain.

"Okay, sweetie. We're going to the vet." Alec sighed.

He put the cat in the carrier, grabbed his car keys, and they drove to the vet. Since it was already 9 pm, Alec couldn't go to his usual vet, so he had to go to the on-call vet clinic, which meant one thing: a strange vet. He wasn't really happy about this because he knew that Church was only willing to accept one vet, Dr. Lydia, but it was an emergency, and Church would have to accept the strange vet whether he liked it or not.

Alec hoped he would think twice about falling from the top of the wardrobe into a ficus tree next time. When they stopped in front of the animal hospital, he suddenly had an idea. He pulled out his cell phone, took a picture of Church, still covered in flower-filled dirt, and sent it to Magnus.

A: "Church is injured, we just arrived at the vet. He may have broken his leg."

Message sent.

He picked up the cat and rushed to the vet's surgery. As it was evening, the surgery was empty. Alec filled out all the paperwork while they waited. Then the door opened, and the doctor called them in.

"Well, pretty boy, who did you bring, and what happened to him?" the doctor asked, eyeing Alec with apparent interest, caught off guard by the unexpected flirting. It had been over a year since anyone had flirted with him, especially so clearly. In fact, he hadn't gone anywhere, socialized, partied. He lived a solitary life like a hermit. The doctor was handsome, tall, and masculine. His curly blond locks fell into his eyes, and as he smoothed his curls back, he kept staring into Alec's eyes.

Alec cleared his throat and blinked a few times before he pulled himself together and managed to speak.

"Well, the pretty boy I brought you to examine is Church. He fell off the wardrobe, and his leg hurts."

"Let me take a look," the doctor said, trying to get Church out, who was not very happy with the strange human, thus he hissed at the vet.

"I'll help; he doesn't like strangers," Alec said, setting his cell phone down on the edge of the examination table so he could take the cat out of the carrier. After the x-ray, the doctor examined him, but fortunately, Church's leg didn't break, just sprained.

"He'll be better in a few days," the vet said when Alec's phone flashed on the table and a photo of Chairman Meow and Magnus appeared.

M: "I hope it's nothing serious. Call me when you get home."

"Who's the cute one?"

"That's Chairman Meow, Church's brother, and the cutie is their dad."

"Oh...well, Church, looks like your other dad is a lucky guy," the vet patted the cat on the head.

"Everything seems to be fine. But he will limp for a few weeks. If possible, don't let him jump up. Bring him back if you see his pain increasing," said the vet. After helping Church back into the carrier, the vet reached into the top pocket of his medical gown and pulled out a business card, which he handed to Alec.

"My private number is on there too, in case you change your mind, pretty boy," he handed the card to Alec with a wink.

Alec twisted the card between his fingers, looked at the vet, and put it on the table.

"That's very kind of you, but it won't be necessary. If he doesn't heal, we'll go to Dr. Lydia. She's been his vet for a year. Anyway, Church's other dad is important to me."

New York Henry and Alex

They were still resting on the couch after Henry had handled the situation, and they had put everything out there. That's when Alex realized that he didn't want to let go of this feeling (Wait, what? Feeling? Fuck it, yeah. Feeling). He didn't want this to be a casual one-night stand. (Wait, what again?) He was the one every girl knew not to expect more than a pleasant one-night stand. He was the one who never slept with anyone twice. And everybody knew that about him. And Alex was just totally okay with that. Until now. But now he was about to give up all his principles and tell the man sitting next to him, the man with the most beautiful smile in the world, the man with the fucking Orion shining in his hazel eyes, that he wanted more. He swallowed hard and spilled the beans.

"Um... I wouldn't mind doing this again," Alex said after stealing another kiss from Henry.

"Me neither." Henry was nothing but a whisper.

"I should probably get going. Be here tomorrow at 6 pm." Alex said as he wrote an address on a piece of paper, feeling like the happiest man alive.

"What's this?" asked Henry

"It's the address of our training studio. Bring your violin, and the guys and I will assemble a choreo. You're going to win this fucking competition."

Magnus - New York

Magnus had already had his dinner at home and was waiting for Alec to call and find out what had happened to their cat. A little before 7 pm, his phone lit up. Alec sent a picture. About a spider. It was on his pillow. Magnus knew he had to call him immediately because Alec was probably hyperventilating and panicking. And he just hoped he hadn't fainted so far. So he called him immediately and got straight to the point. He knew what he had to say.

"Alexander, please breathe. Inhale and exhale. It's just a little spider."

It seems that Alec did not faint because he started talking.

"I really don't know what God was smoking when he made this thing. He said to the archangel, - 'And it shall have eight eyes and eight legs, and it shall shoot rope out of its ass.' - Out of its fucking ass. Magnus! These are creatures from hell, I swear. Hold on, I'll be right back."

Magnus heard nothing but mumbling and cursing on the phone. Then, more cursing. Then, some splash of water. Then, some more cursing.

"Alexander, are you there?" he asked after a few minutes, but there was no answer. Then he heard gagging, then cursing, then more water splashing. He was worried as hell.

"I'm here," Alec answered.

"Did you kill the spider and vomit?" Asked Magnus.

"I saved the fucking spider that touched my hand because it was trying to crawl out of the cup I swept it into. I threw up afterward. Anyway, Church is okay, he just sprained his leg."

Magnus' heart was filled with love. He smiled and felt peace in his soul. This is his man. This is his Alexander. His tears started to fall, and he couldn't stop them. He stopped thinking, he stopped planning, and he just said it out loud.

"I love you, Alexander; I love you so fucking much."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone in London. Well, this is not okay. This is fucking not okay. Magnus cursed himself for being impatient and letting it slip out of his mouth. God dammit. He shouldn't have said it out loud. He screwed up badly. He decided it was better to hang up the phone.

"I'm sorry. Goodbye, Alec."

"Wait, wait, wait, don't hang up on me; I just didn't want you to hear me cry. I spent hours today planning how to apologize to you, and that's when Church fell off the top of the wardrobe, and I panicked, and I turned off the laptop, and I lost everything I'd been writing for hours. I wrote a poem, and now I can't remember anything I wrote. I only know one thing for sure. I love you, babe. It is impossible to get you out of my mind. I never stopped loving you. I miss you so much, and now I'm crying again, and I didn't want you to hear."

But it didn't matter because Magnus was also crying on the other side of the world.

BOOK ISN'T DONE YET