Chapter 11:

Christopher and Susan followed a river they found not long after leaving the decaying city. It flowed in the general direction of Narnia's heart of Cair Paravel, and was the closest thing to a guide they could use.

He knew next to nothing of this world, so made the best choices he could on his own. However, the further they got from the western shore, the more Susan recalled and the more alive she seemed to be. It started small, with her making little changes to the route they walked and spending more time helping gather firewood or supplies, to her actively working on their plan to return to the coast.

"As long as we keep taking small steps away from that dark ocean Tash brought us to, you'll keep getting better," Christopher thought about his mother. It was true that the life in her eyes seemed brighter every day. And as things became better for Susan, the area around them seemed to pulse with more life. The water tasted fresher, the fruit in the forest was more abundant, and where once they had gone days without seeing any life, animals greeted them each morning. This place and Susan were connected more deeply than he had realized.

Their long journey was still extremely daunting, but it didn't weigh on Christopher's mind as much as something else: what they would do when the journey was over. Susan had returned to Narnia to take Christopher home. Or at least, what they were calling home these days. He didn't want to return. He had made that clear in the camp by the coast. And he had no idea why his mother wanted to.

"Nothing is waiting for us back there," he thought, "and there is so much life here. I don't even think the dark ocean made me feel as alone as being back home made me feel."

He wanted desperately to express all of this to Susan, but held it back. She was getting stronger, yes, but there was too much ahead to burden her with this. They would figure it out.

He hoped.

One day, while sleeping next to the river that had guided them for over a week, Susan awoke first. Typically, she had felt so weak that every day it took Christopher shaking her back and forth to raise her. But today was different. Today she opened her eyes and leaned up without aid. She looked over and saw Christopher, still asleep beside her. Seeing the weariness of their journey on his face, she rubbed her hand across his forehead, wiping sweat and dirt away. It was the first time she felt like a mother in ages.

Sitting in the woods of another world, hearing birdsong around her, and the Narnian sun warming her as it rose, Susan felt like herself. Her old self.

"The me who would never have turned her back on her family…" she whispered and walked towards the river.

The reflection in the clear, running water showed the Susan she was now. But she desperately wanted to see herself back then. A quiver on her back, a crown on her head, and her family by her side. But she didn't.

Tears began to roll down her cheek gently. She made no sobbing noise, and silently let the tears fall. There was no denying her true desires while so far from everything and as worn down as she was. She was in the wilds of another realm, far from home and even further from her lost family. As broken down as one could be, Susan wished to take it all back. The more she felt like her old self, the more guilty she felt for leaving everything behind. Thinking of her sister and brothers always brought her shame.

"If I could do it all again…" she thought, but looked behind her towards Christopher. If she did do it all again…she wouldn't have him.

Smiling through the tears, Susan rubbed her face clean. There was no going back, but she could move forward with what she had.

Leaning down for a drink of water from the river, Susan saw something beneath the surface. It was bright silver, and though dimmed by the water, she could tell how beautiful and shimmering it was. Confused to see something like that out here, she reached down and pulled it free of the river. It looked like a large chunk of silver, but was as light as paper. Whatever it was, it was in the shape of a fruit.

"Is this…an apple?" she said, and suddenly an old Narnian myth flooded her memory. Of a garden where a tree guarded by a phoenix bore fruit whose magnificence was only matched by its danger. Fruit that had given great power and emptiness to a witch that had plagued Narnia. Whose reign had been ended with the combined strength of two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve many, many years ago. "How did you end up here?"

Susan held the fruit, rolling it from one hand to the other. She was weighing a choice, as all who held these fruits did. Whether to eat it and give in to temptation, or not.

The power within it was unknown, but her mind raced with possibilities. The apple could help them survive or even escape the Western Wilds. It could give her the power to return Christopher and herself home. Or even the power to make right all the wrongs in her life, and help her retake the many shots she had missed. The potential was endless.

"Good morning," a voice from behind Susan said, "what do you have there mother?"

Christopher was awake and approaching Susan. Her back was to him, the apple held down near the river's surface. She stared at the stunning silver sheen, as beautiful as she had always imagined the fruit from the tree of youth to be. It had come to her exactly when she needed it most.

"Nothing, sweetie," Susan said, parting her hands and letting the fruit float back down beneath the water's surface. She turned around and rose to meet her son, the apple tumbled along the river floor, far away and never to be seen again. "Let's find something to eat, shall we?"

As the two walked away from the river's edge, Susan chose to walk away from her guilt and shame as well, "While we search, would you like to hear a story about your aunt and uncles?"

"Really?" Christopher said, his eyes shining with excitement.

Susan reached into her small bag, damaged and torn after their journey. Inside, folded up inside a pocket was a ripped photo. One that Christopher had seen once, only briefly. Of four children, arm in arm in a field by a great manor home. She sighed deeply and handed him the photo.

"Yes, I think it's time."