The Witch of Atlas
Summary: What's so special about Bella Swan anyway? - New Moon AU. Some whimsical trash to get you through these dark days. Regular, multi-chapter updates to sink your teeth into. I don't know why I'm doing this, but my plans are diabolical, so here we are.
A/N
Gosh, this is embarrassing. Enjoy.
Content warnings: References to past abuse, nothing is or will be explicit. Only good or gory things will be explicit.
Disclaimer: Sue me, I dare you. I got nothing going on. Clearly.
Please, for my sake, change the format of the text before you read.
Picks up at the end of the first book. We're in the hospital after the ballet studio. Onwards!
A lovely lady garmented in light
From her own beauty – deep her eyes, as are
Two openings of unfathomable night
Seen through a Temple's cloven roof – her hair
Dark – the dim brain whirls dizzy with delight,
Picturing her form; her soft smiles shone afar,
And her low voice was heard like love, and drew
All living things towards this wonder new.
...
At first the spotted leopard came,
And then the wise and fearless elephant;
Then the sly serpent, in the golden flame
Of his own volumes intervolved; – all gaunt
And sanguine beasts her gentle looks made tame.
They drank before her at her sacred fount;
And every beast of beating heart grew bold,
Such gentleness and power even to behold.
...
Percy Shelley, The Witch of Atlas
Chapter 1
"Bella?"
"Absolutely not."
A breathy laugh. "I'm sorry. The nurse is coming. I thought you might prefer to be woken by me."
Edward cupped a cool hand to Bella's cheek. She turned into it, frowning. Edward smiled at her crunched-up, grumpy face. It hurt, she was so cute. She hated this place.
"I hate it here."
"I know. You'll be out of here soon. Another day or two, even."
The bitterly harsh lights flooded the hospital room with a click. It was a double room, though the other bed was mercifully empty. Edward pushed it next to hers for a few hours last night, her condition and his anxiety finally stabilised enough for him to permit himself to hold her, delicate operation that it was between the cast up to her hip and ribs that screeched with pain should she so much as breathe too deep.
"Sorry, Swan. It's time for a check-up, and how does a bath sound? Sandra will be here in a sec; she's just finishing her coffee."
Bella groaned in response to the cheerful intruder by the door.
"Romeo, I'm not surprised. You look terrific and it's far too early for it. Get out of my sight."
Edward smiled tightly, if genuinely, at Bella's nurse, Rory, a handsome Irishman with a stout heart. It is difficult to watch the world change so fast for so long without learning how to change with it, and Edward had. But it's not so simple as accepting progress for progress, a smooth line forward if only he'd open his mind – he has seen enough to know the world is changing for the worse too, and in ways that look deceptively like progress. It can be difficult to tell the difference until it is too late.
But on this, he knew he was indeed being churlish and Victorian, though he technically barely classifies as being part of that era and certainly never identified with it. Hearing women's minds sapped the deep-rooted wells of sexism inside of him fairly brutally when he gained enough control over himself to notice it.
Still, there are some stubborn tendrils of history that refuse to abate inside him, and a male nurse caring for Bella in any intimate way, gay though he may be, sends his sensibilities into hysterics. Even though it only happens when they are short-staffed because tiny Sandra can't very well move Bella around with her bad hip, even though Rory never really touches her and no part of him wants to – Edward hates it with every fibre of his being.
He caved the first time it happened and asked Carlisle to make up some reason why only female nurses could look after Bella, but Carlisle appreciates Rory, and he didn't want to risk insulting him professionally for no reason. He in not so many words told Edward to get a grip.
Edward winked at Bella and squeezed her hand – gently, always so gently.
"I'll go get some breakfast. Don't kill Rory, and I'll bring you back a treat."
Bella huffed at him, but she smiled a little as she roused properly. "Don't be long."
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
Bella closed her eyes as Sandra gently rubbed shampoo into her hair with a grandmotherly touch.
"There, now. That must feel better. You have such pretty hair, you know. It looks like my daughter's."
"I always thought my hair was boring. Not bad or anything, just – you know, average."
Sandra smiled. "Can I give you some advice?"
"Is it advice you gave your daughter?"
"No," laughed Sandra. "It's the advice I thought of later when I was an older and wiser parent, but she had figured it out by then, so I'd be glad to have a chance to try it."
Bella warmed to that. "Okay."
Bella heard Sandra pluck the showerhead from the wall and turn on the tap. Because of the lacerations in her scalp, Bella hadn't been able to wash her hair for two weeks. The warm water gently rinsing the suds from her hair was such a heavenly sensation, Bella decided Sandra could give her all the advice in the world.
"At a certain point, Bella, insecurity becomes disingenuous. You might think it's humility, but as someone who was once a teenage girl, I promise it isn't. Your hair is thick and long and shiny – it just is. I'm not complimenting you to embarrass you. Insecurity will only make it easy for people – and you know by people, I mean men, Bella – to either take advantage of you or treat you as a pretty little object even more."
Bella squinted up at her. "Wow. You seemed so sweet and gentle."
Rory let out a hearty laugh from outside the bathroom. He was changing the sheets on Bella's bed while Sandra helped her in the shower.
"Oh, shut it, Rory. And trust me, dear – that was sweet and gentle advice. I've seen you and your Romeo out there around each other, and I have to say, though I don't have much information, I'm biting my tongue on more than you can imagine. It's a very intense situation you both are in, I can see that much."
Bella couldn't argue with that.
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
Rory helped Bella get settled on the bed. He gestured to her midsection, and she nodded in permission.
She froze very carefully as he checked her ribs. Rory doesn't seem the type to miss her flinching away from him for no apparent reason. And she liked Rory; it would hurt his feelings if he thought she was uncomfortable.
"Oh, Bella!"
Bella startled so violently at the exclamation from the door that she gasped in pain, wrenching her tender ribs. Rory tittered.
"Mom?"
Renee burst into sobs. She rushed forwards in her paisley Kaftan and knock-off Indian jewellery like the well-meaning earth mother from hell she was, and Bella was horrified. Her mom didn't even acknowledge Rory, whose eyebrows could not raise any higher, before she threw her arms around Bella's neck.
"I know you said not to come, but I just felt so guilty, Bella, I couldn't bear it. You poor thing, look at you!"
Rory gave an inquisitive thumbs up to Bella, who nodded at him in response. He shot another bemused glance at Renee before heading out the room, clapping Edward on the shoulder who was just coming in the door, two coffee cups held agilely in one hand, a paper bag in another. He was striking in washed-out jeans and a olive long-sleeved shirt, and Bella felt a familiar jolt of joy and disbelief that he was hers.
But the sight of him in the same room as Renee – a wave of dark panic washed over her before she could control herself. The smile dropped from Edward's face, and he cast her a worried glance.
"Renee, I think you might be hurting Bella," he said gently.
"Oh!" Renee quickly unwrapped her arms from Bella and took a step back, her hands fluttering over her in alarm. "Sorry, baby, sorry."
"It's all right, mom, you didn't hurt me." Bella took a deep breath. "Is Phil with you?"
"No, he had to stay in New York, but he insisted I come check on you. Wasn't that nice of him, Bella?"
Her mom's eyes were as wide and hopeful as they always were, shining with desperate pleas.
"Yes, mom, it was very nice. How was the flight?" Bella quickly changed the subject, lest Renee's thoughts linger too long on things they shouldn't. Just keep her talking, you know how her mind works. Bella was planning, and planning fast. He won't see anything that makes sense if she's distracted enough.
"…just the most rude man in front of me, complaining to the poor hostess about the crying baby, and I know you shouldn't say it, but he really was fat –"
"Mom!"
"Well, what else am I supposed to call it? He was large, then. Honestly."
"No! You just shouldn't at all! It's nothing to do with – you can't –" Bella stopped with an aggrieved sigh. She glanced at Edward, who was watching their exchange as if her and Renee were performing a riveting, if confusing, two-hand play.
Well, at least her plan was working. Bella took her mom's hand.
"It is good to see you, mom."
"Oh, honey, I've missed you so much. Phil has too, you know. He asks about you all the time, really," Renee insisted to Bella's growing dismay.
Edward's eyebrows raised in surprise. Bella's heartbeat picked up, infuriatingly broadcasted by the monitor.
"Tell him hello for me. So you met Edward, then?" Bella said, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice.
"Of course! We spoke on the phone yesterday while you were asleep," Renee smiled at Edward, her blue eyes sparkling. "He agreed to keep it a secret for me."
"I thought a nice surprise would help get you through these last few days," Edward smiled at Bella, though his eyes were full of questions as he walked towards them. He handed one of the cups to Renee with a warm grin that caused Renee to glaze over for a second.
"Thank you, Edward," Renee simpered.
Bella rolled her eyes and took the cup Edward handed to her. She had a long sip, closing her eyes. Mocha. The burst of sugar on her tongue calmed her. She smiled gratefully at Edward, who pressed the paper bag into her hand.
"Eat," he insisted gently.
As her mom started chatting aimlessly about how Bella needed to be more careful, about the drive from the airport, about her somehow endlessly stressful Reiki healing circle, Bella willed her shaking hands to be still as she pulled a toasty ham and cheese croissant from the bag and started eating. Her appetite sparked to life at the first bite of buttery pastry and salty ham, but she restrained herself and murmured responses to her mom to keep her talking, following Renee's whimsical tangents with practice.
"…and the smell! I don't know how those two bear it, but maybe since they both stink of an ash tray, it balances out. I tried to put it delicately – I had to steam the couch after they left! – but some people are so sensitive. I can't believe Janice took their side, but – oh, slow down, sweetie. No one's going to steal it from you," she clucked her tongue.
Bella sighed, embarrassed to be spoken to so childishly in front of Edward, but she took smaller bites, not wanting to fuss. Edward frowned a little as she did, but politely said nothing.
Renee sniffed at the croissant. "You do look peaky, but you need sun – and not Forks sun, real sun – more than all that processed fat and gluten. God knows what Charlie has been feeding you. He's not very happy with you, by the way. But I know how young love is, I defended you."
"Thanks, mom."
Renee finished off her coffee, already jittery with her one excess; caffeine is essentially how her airy-fairy mom functions.
"I should call Phil. You know how he worries." Renee smiled dreamily.
"Yes," said Bella quickly. "Are you heading home?"
"Yes, it'll be so nice to be back in my own space. I'm not built for the road like I used to be. Your dad is so young, Edward, it's actually quite annoying. I certainly see where you got your manners from, though. I don't know where you found these people, Bella."
Edward just smiled at Renee, which concerned Bella. Not that Renee would notice, it's a common response to her distracted chatter, but it seemed unlike him to not take the opportunity to impress her mom with more effort.
"I'll come back soon. I came straight here from the airport, you know."
"Thanks, mom."
"Of course, sweetie. I had to be here." Renee leant down and kissed Bella goodbye. "Love you."
"You too."
Renee turned to Edward and patted him on the cheek, blinking in surprise.
"Goodness! You do run cold."
Edward smiled. "I've been told. Will you be all right getting home?"
Bella was a little surprised, albeit relieved, Edward wasn't insisting on driving her himself.
"I'll be fine, Edward. Thank your dad again for me."
"I will."
And Renee was gone, only a lingering cloud of herbal oils remaining. Bella nearly melted with relief.
"That was interesting."
Bella winced. "She wasn't always so…"
"It's okay. She loves you deeply," he smiled, taking the seat by her bed. "Her mind is difficult to follow; she rarely has a single thought at once, and it's usually only loosely connected to what she actually says."
Bella grinned. "That sounds about right."
"Has it ever been suggested that your mother might have ADHD?"
"You don't say."
They laughed quietly together for a moment. Edward paused, eyeing her hesitantly.
"Has she always been critical over what you eat?" he asked gently.
Bella sighed. "I don't have an eating disorder, Edward." She picked up her pastry and took a hearty bite, raising her eyebrows at him.
"I didn't say you did. I'm more impressed that you don't, I think. I've been to medical school, Bella, and I hear the thoughts of a 300-year-old practicing doctor almost every day. I'm not completely ignorant of the vulnerabilities of teenage girls."
"I'm aware of how vulnerable I am to you, shockingly. I kind of don't need the reminder right now." She flicked her eyes to her cast pointedly.
"That's not what I mean," he struggled for a moment. "I think I just…got a bit of a wake-up call."
"About what a weak, fragile human I am?"
"No, Bella. Let me finish. About how much I underestimated you. You seem so young to me, but you've lived a life I don't know about that I'm suddenly realising is much deeper than I imagined."
"You're over 100 years old! And a mind reader! I'm sure you've seen a thousand versions of whatever it is I did before I met you."
"No, I haven't, but you're right that I was letting that blind me in a way. I want to know you, and I've been remiss in properly investigating the mystery."
Bella grumbled. "What mystery?"
"Why did you never tell me you don't get on with your stepfather, for one?"
Bella flinched. Edward didn't miss it. "It's not a big deal, we get on fine. What did you see?"
"Not much, but not nothing, either. She jumps from thought to thought so quickly, but there was a clear anxiety there about some kind of conflict between the two of you."
That surprised Bella. She thought her mom had pushed it all further down than that.
"It's just the usual stuff. I was twelve when they started dating, and they got, you know, serious fast. Really, it was just, like, a personality thing." There. That was true.
"So it wasn't why you moved to Forks?"
Bella's heartrate monitor was a traitorous beast.
"No, not really. I mean, maybe it was part of it, but…" Inexcusable tears stung her eyes. It made her angry, though she didn't really know why. She shot an accusing glare at Edward. "Why does it matter? I would've said if it was a big deal."
He sat back slowly in his chair, watching her carefully. Her response only seemed to concern him further. Bella didn't like this. It was unfair for this to happen now, when she still felt so shattered from James, from falling in love, from being tortured, and she almost died –
"It matters because I think you're lying to me all of a sudden, which I've never felt before, and the possible reasons why are too terrible to consider so I would really like you to stop me before I do. Why, Bella?"
Bella felt the icy clench of her stomach, the fire roaring in her brain, and refused. This wasn't going to happen.
But she burst into tears anyway.
"Bella!"
He was out of his seat and his arms around her in a blink, his cool hands cradling her head to his chest.
"I'm…not…lying." She stuttered out between sobs.
"I'm sorry. I know you're not. It's okay."
"I'm not!"
"I know. Take a breath, Bella."
She did, and settled quickly. She pulled back, avoiding his gaze.
"I'm sorry, I'm so tired, but there really isn't much to tell. Everything does actually hurt. My ribs are kind of unbearable, I was going to ask you to get Rory. I don't know why I got so upset," she said quietly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you right now." He encouraged her to lay down, brushing her hair out of her eyes, wiping tears from her cheeks. Sitting beside her on the bed, he pressed a tissue into her hands.
"Thanks," she muttered. God, that was embarrassing.
"I'll go get Rory. Relax, please." He cut a worried glance to the heartrate monitor.
"Okay."
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
Edward shut the door to the hospital room and allowed the panicked thoughts precisely three seconds to overwhelm him. Then he went and got Rory.
"That bad, was it?" Rory smirked a little at Edward's stricken face as he approached the nurse's station.
"Not sure yet."
"I'm sure you'll win her mum over, Romeo. No love without a little strife."
"Could you check on Bella when you have a chance? I think she's in pain."
"Of course, lad."
"Thank you, Rory."
Edward followed a bit behind him to Bella's room, but once he ascertained that Bella was no longer crying and was even joking quietly with Rory, he slipped away instead.
Carlisle had been consulting with an old colleague on a difficult case, and Edward found him through his thoughts in the busy hospital café, a steaming mug in front of him as he poured over files. Winding through the sprawling hospital at human pace was frustrating, but Edward determinedly used the time to calm down. Spotting Carlisle at a corner table near the back, Edward took the cushioned seat opposite him and immediately picked up Carlisle's untouched coffee cup, cradling it in his palms gently to absorb the warmth and steady his mind. Carlisle raised his eyebrows and stared at him bemusedly over half-rimmed glasses.
"Help yourself, son."
"Has Bella ever given you any sign of…"
Carlisle waited. Edward couldn't say it.
"Yes?"
Edward stared into the cup, sighing. He concentrated on the terrible fragility of the blue ceramic between his hands, the way the steam condensed ever so slightly when it touched his cold skin.
"I'm overreacting."
"All together likely. Sign of what?"
Edward put down the cup and leant back in the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"This is me showing up at her house because a meteor was about to strike. There was no meteor then, and there is no meteor now."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"I think I need to kill Bella's stepfather."
"Okay. And you'd like me to carry the shovel?"
"Really? You did see a sign of something?"
"Of course not, Edward, I have not the slightest idea what you are talking about."
Edward ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry, I'm –" he shook his head. "I met Bella's mother."
"Ah. She surprised me, too. But she's charming, if more suspicious of doctors than I expected. Has Bella been vaccinated?"
"She's never mentioned otherwise, but surely…I think there's a lot that I don't know about Bella."
Carlisle's no saint; he had to laugh at that.
"Edward, you poor boy. You and Bella have dated for – what, three days?"
"I'm older than every person in this hospital except you, Carlisle."
"Yes! But still, you are so very seventeen in ways I hadn't considered before Bella, or maybe they've never had reason to come up," Carlisle looked thoughtful. "It's pretty fascinating, the dichotomy of your age. The rest of us have a certain amount of fluidity to how we present to the world, but not you. There is quite a developmental jump even between seventeen and eighteen, particularly for young men. Perhaps that's why it was inevitable that your first relationship would be with someone of the same biological age as you instead of someone older who would connect more with your lived years. You are more frozen in your adolescence than I am in my late twenties, for example. And then –"
Carlisle finally noticed Edward's withering glare.
"Fair enough. Let's try this again. What happened, Edward?"
Edward told him. Carlisle chuckled a little at his descriptions of Renee's mind, but he kept his own as clear as he could, trying to simply absorb what Edward was saying without his thoughts reacting in ways that would pre-emptively set Edward off. Edward appreciated how Carlisle had adapted to his mindreading after all these years. Out of all his family, Carlisle was still the one he felt most at ease with in this way, aside from Bella.
"Bella's not just a caretaker with Charlie, then." Carlisle smiled. She's a good girl, that one.
"She is," said Edward, responding to Carlisle's warm thought.
"Her relationship with food has seemed normal to me too, though perhaps when she was younger and had to rely on her mom it was different. She is unusually short, almost the same size as Alice. Perhaps during development –"
"But, Carlisle, I'm fairly sure I saw a couple painful flashes of Bella crying, though I can't be sure it was her. They would come and go so fast, like Renee couldn't stop hearing it but was trying. There was maybe even a second of screaming."
And Edward knew what Bella sounded like when she screamed.
He even knew what key it was in. He didn't know if she'd been vaccinated or what made her move to Forks or why her mom was secretly relieved Bella wasn't a complete lesbian after all.
But he knew what she sounded like when she screamed.
"Teenage girls cry, Edward. Children throw tantrums. They have fights with their parents. It's not because you're a mindreader that you know what I'm going to say."
"But, Carlisle –"
"Since meeting Bella, your instincts have betrayed you again and again. They have become your enemy, driving you to kill her and love her all at once. Not having an instinctive compass you can trust is causing extreme anxiety about even the smallest obstacle, so much so that even something you never questioned before, like your ability to read people truthfully, is lost to you."
Edward blinked. "I did not know you were going to say that at all. It also still doesn't answer my question."
Carlisle gave him an exaggerated look of godly benevolence. "Doesn't it, my son?"
Edward glared. Carlisle grinned.
"All right. I think for now, you are right to be wary of your anxiety. I think your instinct that you have underestimated her and what you know of her life is leading you in the right direction, but your recent trauma is understandably telling you that every path leads to disaster."
Edward let out a breath. "There is no meteor."
"No. Just a good girl you need to spend more time with; how wonderful that you have that time."
Edward felt the weight of the world shift on his shoulders – not much, but enough.
"Thank you."
"Of course. But you should know, I'm not letting you back into this hospital until you've hunted. Right now."
Carlisle picked up his file and determinedly began reading. Edward acquiesced gracefully; he was tired.
"I'll see you tonight."
Carlisle nodded, but he didn't look up.
As Edward made his way out of the hospital, he let the peace of Carlisle's words settle in. He had to force his agitated mind to accept them, but accept them it did.
How wonderful that you have that time.
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
Carlisle kept reading, intensely focusing on the words in front of him, until he was sure that his prodigal son was long gone. Then he tossed the paper down and slumped in his chair, an uncharacteristically youthful pose he ordinarily wouldn't allow himself in public. But goddamnit. Goddamnit. It couldn't be, could it?
But it was Edward, and it was Bella, so it absolutely could.
He put the pointless eyeglasses on the table and sighed.
It wasn't that he had lied – he hadn't – but he knew that his words would only calm Edward down so much, and for so long. It was best he give Edward as much time as he could, given what he suspected.
And while he didn't suspect absolute catastrophe, he was dismayed by what Edward had revealed. Because Bella's low self-worth and lack of self-preservation had truly shocked him with what happened at the ballet studio, and he was too old and knew too much to write it all off as bravery, though she certainly had that in spades. He had a little desperately chalked it up to her being the lone daughter of young, immature parents. It was natural that she felt a need to prove she was not a burden, that she worked harder than most to earn approval from those around her. It doesn't take much to instil that kind of damage in a child; it didn't have to be a tragedy, a nightmare, a horror story.
But what had touched him about Bella was that her generosity to others was equalled by a backbone of red-hot righteous steel. It was adorable to see when it wasn't getting her tortured. She didn't accept injustice, and her mother being hurt because of her was wrong, so she outsmarted a coven of invincible, superpowered vampires to right it.
She didn't see herself being hurt as an act of injustice, though. That part had been blatantly easy for her to accept as a good outcome.
Carlisle gathered his files, forlorn but accepting as the grave certainty in his chest grew.
He headed towards Bella's hospital room, determined.
Just this once, give the kids a break.
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
"Come in."
Bella looked up unwillingly from her book at the knock, a fantasy by Robin Hobb that Edward had bought her. She smiled in happy surprise at the blonde figure by the door.
"Hello, Bella. Edward's gone hunting. Care for some company?"
Renee was right: it was annoying how young Carlisle looked. As Bella took in his mint green button-up and cream trousers, honey eyes soft with kindness, she had a thought that immediately sparked her daily prayer of thanks that Edward couldn't read her mind.
"Of course," Bella grinned at him. "My mom thinks you're too young."
Carlisle winked at her as he walked a little too gracefully and a little too fast to the seat by her bed, folding himself into it casually. "Two strikes against me – too young and absolutely thrilled by modern medicine."
Bella grimaced, embarrassed. "It was weird. She got much more…intense about this stuff after Phil, kind of obsessive, even though he thinks it's all…uh, hooey. When I was little, with Charlie, she was just creative and free-spirited. Art projects with her were the best. Never finished, but the best. We made a history documentary once for a school essay when I was ten in the style of a Monty Python sketch. Best failed assignment ever."
Carlisle laughed.
"That's a lovely story. And I wasn't judging, Bella, I apologise. I am old enough to have seen the damage medicine did in its earliest iterations, particularly to women. I understand, perhaps more than you might think, the honest place such fears come from, even if I think they are often misplaced."
Bella smiled at him, touched. "I've never thought of it that way. Thank you."
"However, I can't help but ask – vaccines?"
"All accounted for, though if she was in charge of my immunisations today, I might not have been so lucky."
"Understood."
They sat in companiable silence for a moment. Bella realised she couldn't think of a time when she had been alone with Carlisle like this before, but it seemed so natural she hadn't noticed.
"How do you like the book?"
Bella lit up. "It surprised me! I can't put it down. I haven't read this genre since I was younger. I hadn't realised how much I missed it."
"Enough fantasy in the real world for you these days."
Bella grinned at him conspiratorially. "No dragons yet, though."
Carlisle laughed quietly. "Not yet." He picked up the book and studied the cover, flipping it quickly to scan the blurb, eyes flickering across the words inhumanely fast. "I might have to borrow this when you're done."
"How fast can you read?"
"Not fast enough. There's always too many books left, and somehow never enough time."
"Even with centuries?"
"Even with centuries."
Carlisle put the book down, seeming to contemplate his next words. The silence inexplicably took on a slight heaviness that made Bella tense and her heart skip a few erratic beats in alarm. Carlisle smiled wryly at the sensitivity of her response. His eyes were carefully neutral as they met hers.
"Not much gets by you, does it, sweetheart?" Carlisle said lightly. "I confess, I have an ulterior motive which likely won't surprise you. Edward is concerned about you, Bella. Concerns, to be honest, that I share, and I think you know Charlie does as well."
Bella froze. A flash of betrayal cut through her. Confusion, too – what did Carlisle know of Charlie? She had been flattered Carlisle seemed to be pleased with her, thrilled to impress the father of the boy (ish) she loved so much. She had been manipulated like a child. Edward had run straight to Carlisle over nothing.
"Dr Cullen, I don't know what Edward told you…"
"Carlisle. And only his vague suspicions. I assured him there was no meteor."
"What?"
"I told him the recent trauma was heightening his anxiety and leading him to see disaster at every turn."
"Oh. Well, exactly." Bella looked exasperated. "Then why are you…"
"I'm sorry, Bella. I know this is uncomfortable, and this isn't my most professional moment, but we are not in ordinary circumstances, you and I. It's because I care about you. You can't imagine the change you have brought about in Edward. But even were I not indebted to you for what you've done for my son and family, as a doctor, I would want to help you. I have learned not to make assumptions but also not to ignore warning signs, especially when it comes to things of this nature – and Bella, the warning signs are looking a little glaring from where I'm sitting."
"What warning signs? Because I don't get on with my stepfather? It's an old story."
"Yes," he said solemnly. "It is. But that's not all, and you know that, Bella."
Bella breathed out heavily in frustration. "This is all getting blown out of proportion really quickly."
"I don't disagree – if there truly is nothing to be concerned about. I've never regretted pushing about something like this, but I have regretted letting things go. I'm not about to regret that with you, and I'm a bit more equipped than Edward and less likely to completely fly off the handle. So, Bella, now that we're on the same page: why don't you tell me about your relationship with your stepfather?"
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
Carlisle was pushing harder than the guidelines recommended – much harder. He hadn't entirely intended to do so. How many conversations like this had he navigated over his 300 years of practicing medicine? And how many of those were a complete waste of time, stymied by either societal indifference or impossible bureaucracy? So often, because of what he was, he knew – he knew and could not say why. Perhaps it was that urgency driving him now. Perhaps that's why he carries them with him so preciously, all those little girls he couldn't save, so that one day he could help this girl, right in front of him, and finally use all of his powers to do so.
Because Carlisle had fostered uneasy suspicions even before Edward had come to him, before Edward even knew Bella existed. He met Charlie at the local pub one night a year or so ago. Carlisle had been dragged there for some necessary socialising with his colleagues. Alice had insisted on it, oddly enough at the time. He found the Chief in a quiet corner, staring darkly into a pint, and took the opportunity to win over local law enforcement.
He had been pleasantly surprised by how much he liked the steady, unassuming man. Their conversation easily shifted to deeper waters, which Carlisle hadn't even manipulated to come about, so comfortable he was talking to him.
Charlie had been concerned about his daughter, and the beer was not lessening his maudlin anxiety. Carlisle had also sensed that Charlie was a little desperate. He wanted someone to tell him what to do, and as a doctor, Carlisle had the kind of authority Charlie could trust to tell him he was wrong about it all.
His daughter had become withdrawn in her teen years, more so than Charlie thought was normal, but what did he know? She was a good kid, Charlie said, too good – speaks to me like I'm a distant aunt, rattling off good grades like I give a damn. Wasn't like that before hormones got a hold of her, or whatever's changed. She had been a fierce little girl – Carlisle had liked that he used that word, fierce – funny and sweet and the smart kind of naughty.
Had his abandonment of her – unwilling though it was – been what snuffed the spark out of her? Charlie and Carlisle had gone quiet at the question. It was a rare moment Carlisle didn't know what to say. After all, it probably had done something to the girl.
But then Charlie, repeatedly assuring Carlisle he knew what a cliché it was to blame the stepfather, shared what was truly keeping the man up at night. He was jealous, viciously so, Charlie didn't deny that. Hated every second the man got with Bella that he missed.
But sometimes, just sometimes, Bella would slip – and that in itself worried Charlie, that he sensed she was keeping things to herself, controlling how little he knew about her anymore. It made him furious with her, then with Renee, but it always circles back to him being furious with himself. The slips weren't much: the stepfather seemed a bit strict, a bit conservative, and all together a bit bloody weird about Bella.
Carlisle had listened, keeping his opinions to himself. He had planned to keep all his opinions to himself, but something about the man's good sense inspired him, and he found himself most uncharacteristically all but commanding Charlie to get his girl the hell out of that house.
Needless to say, Charlie was a big part in ensuring no one in town said a word against the Cullens.
Carlisle had secretly delighted that he had been a catalyst for Edward's love story in this small way, and he determined that other suspicions could wait, safe as the girl seemed to be in Charlie's care. And he didn't know anything, not really.
But now he was sadly certain that he knew entirely too much, and he wasn't going to let Charlie's girl down. He was all too aware – much more aware than Edward's furious denial – that if any of this was going to work out, Carlisle would gain a daughter and Charlie would lose one.
And what a daughter she was. He wasn't blind to what her closed-off mind meant, and what it meant was power. Power that would make his golden-eyed coven one of the strongest on the planet, and certainly in the United States. Carlisle's ambition might seem modest to the brutally feudalistic vampire world – to exist without taking human life, to exist in the larger world at all – but there was nothing modest about it. The Volturi were already apprehensive at how successfully he and his large family operated as a unit; they couldn't dismiss his way of life as some idiosyncratic whim of his to be indulged when it amassed such talent. Aro in particular felt an incredulous and bitter envy at the loyalty his family showed to one another, loyalty Aro was only able to inspire through terror and force. If he lost the vampire who had the gift to tie people's will to his own, his empire would crumble.
And Carlisle managed it through what – love and respect?
Truthfully, Carlisle's ambition was nothing short of cosmic, and he could see the stars in Bella's eyes. Edward loved her, which would have been enough, but Carlisle, he wanted her too. He was sure it was all but inevitable that he would take her as one of his, and Charlie only just got her back. Carlisle accepted that he was to carry Charlie's grief with him for eternity as a price for what was to be.
Charlie wasn't going to lose his daughter in this way, though, her potential mangled and oppressed by the kind of pathetic evil that tears fatally at Carlisle's faith. Bella, fierce and bright and herself: that Carlisle could give to Charlie before she was lost to him forever.
So Carlisle kept his gaze steady and determined in the long silence that followed him throwing his cards on the table.
Not this girl. Not this time.
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
Bella was furious – cold, rigid fury locked her jaw. Edward and Carlisle were crossing the line. She didn't even know there was a line until they crossed it, but it was a betrayal all the same.
She felt trapped, insidiously trapped, by something she was free of. They couldn't take that from her, how free she was from it all. She had done that. It was done, and her reward for what was done was that she didn't have to do this.
"You are both making assumptions about me that I don't appreciate."
"I'm sorry, Bella."
"But you think you're right, don't you? Will it even matter what I say or are you just going to think I'm lying?"
"I'll believe you. Whatever you tell me, I'll believe you."
Bella rolled her eyes. "This isn't Good Will Hunting. Get over yourself."
Carlisle laughed quietly. "Alice is right, I need to keep up with pop culture more; I have no idea what you mean."
Bella was a little embarrassed she had spoken to Carlisle that way, but not enough to give in. After it was clear that he could withstand an awkward impasse far longer than she could, she turned to glare at him. Her hostility towards him surprised her, but felt beyond her control.
"I'll tell you about my relationship with my stepfather since you and Edward are so fascinated by it. But I don't like feeling I'm being picked apart or how this has gotten out of hand."
"You have my word, Bella, that no one has decided anything about whatever you are going to share. And for what it's worth, nothing you tell me will leave this room; Edward isn't as omniscient as he thinks, and I have more control than he knows."
Bella didn't quite believe that, but felt comforted all the same.
She hated how unprepared she was for this. She hadn't even been thinking about any of this for so long. All she thought about was Edward, and it had been the easiest thing in the world to leave it all behind. She had considered in a brief worried moment that Edward probably would meet Renee eventually, but the possibility was so far off and the immediacy of falling in love was so consuming, that she'd confidently brushed the worry aside. Brushed all of it aside, and she'd thought the shame would kill her once. Nothing could be smaller in comparison to the world she had found in Forks, a world of bloodthirsty danger and straight-up magic.
Didn't she at least to get to process what James had done before she had to think about all this again?
But Carlisle's unwaveringly sharp stare confirmed that when it rained, it poured, so she was going to have to say something.
"Okay. Fine. There were issues." Bella stated blankly. "But none that warrant this kind of reaction. I never let things get to that point."
"And what point would that be?"
Bella grit her teeth. "A point where I thought things had the potential to escalate."
"I understand. May I ask what kind of issues?"
"Phil has strong views about parenting. Their relationship moved fast, much faster than any of the others she'd had after Charlie. I didn't always respond well to it, especially at first."
"Respond well to…"
"His rules and stuff. He started enforcing it pretty quickly, and Renee all but begged me to go along with it. She felt guilty a lot for being, like, unorganised and things, maybe a bit of a lazy parent, and said it was good that he was there to balance it out. He said that kind of thing too, that he was picking up her slack with me. And she's crazy about him."
"What kind of rules?"
"Nothing too unusual, just old-fashioned maybe. Chores, church, respect. He was from a pretty extreme family, in terms of religion. I don't know which one, he didn't follow it anymore, it was just the generic stuff with us, but I think a lot of it was from that. He was big on modesty, on girls dressing a certain way. That was really hard for me at first, and embarrassing, because I was twelve and didn't get it. Plus, he never cared about that stuff with mom, just with me."
"How did he discipline you to enforce his rules?"
It hadn't escaped Bella's notice that he didn't ask whether he disciplined her. She was about to tell him off for assumptions again, but her voice was stuck somewhere in the pit of her stomach.
She was supposed to find words for this? To Carlisle?
"It was…nothing I enjoyed, but that is the point, I guess. Uncomfortable, but not illegal."
"In what way was it not illegal?"
"In that it wasn't illegal! I don't know. I never went to school lying about falling down the stairs."
"But it was escalating?"
"Maybe, in a way. There were things that are probably thought of as inappropriate by some people, but not everyone. Or at least I thought it was inappropriate, especially when I was older. But once I had those suspicions that it could go further, I got out of the situation. I'm not stupid."
"No, you're not, Bella. How often did he discipline you, however it was that he did?"
"I don't know. It would change, I guess."
"More or less as you got older?"
"I don't know, it would depend."
"On what?"
"On me, I guess. Whether…" Whether I was fighting him or not. But she knew how that sounded. She honestly did.
"A rough estimate. Weekly?"
"It's hard to say. Maybe, sometimes."
"Daily?"
"No! Not really, just – god, Carlisle, you said you weren't going to make assumptions."
"I'm sorry, Bella, I am. I know this is difficult."
"It's fine. Because like I said, I got away before it got difficult."
"You mentioned before that some people would find his discipline inappropriate; in what way?"
Bella had enough. Carlisle realised it a second after she did.
"I forget myself, Bella. I'm sorry."
Bella said nothing, just stared down at her clenched hands. Carlisle sighed.
"Bella, please look at me."
Bella did. She didn't want to, but she did.
His gaze was clear, kind, and not an ounce of pity. It was all she could take.
"Thank you for telling me what you did. I'm done. I won't interrogate you any more now, I promise."
He put a hand atop her clenched ones. She unclenched her fingers slightly. Bella didn't pull away, but she thought about it. She squeezed her stinging eyes shut.
"So, what now? Are you and Edward going to run to Charlie and blow up my life? Charlie can't handle it, Carlisle. He won't understand."
"No, Bella. What happens now is entirely up to you, entirely within your control. I will not tell Edward or Charlie a word of what you have spoken, if that is what you wish."
"It doesn't even matter now. I'm almost eighteen, and I never have to live with Phil again."
Carlisle squeezed her hands as tightly as he dared and stood up.
"That's not why it matters, but I leave it in your hands. I am here to talk more. And as a doctor…"
"I'm not seeing a shrink."
Carlisle smiled. "Unfortunately, our fantastical circumstances force me to agree with you for now – for now, Bella. But I will tell you that I am concerned for you, and what it will do to you to hide this part of yourself from Edward – and Charlie too, maybe him especially. It's not fair on you for this to happen when you are so injured, but it does tend to be the way these things go. Just know I'm very proud of you for protecting yourself as well as you did."
Bella had not a single word left in her, but sheer survival forced her to ask.
"And you won't say anything to freak Edward out?"
"Edward exists in a perpetual state of 'freaked out', as you might have noticed."
Bella found a smile in her for that.
"But of course not, Bella. It is up to you what you say to Edward. In spite of what I just said, though, I encourage you to have faith in him when you feel ready. I don't think you need to fear his reaction, but he's not likely to let this go, however I try and dissuade him. He knows too much about the world, and though your mind is closed to him, he knows too much about you as well. But you have time, I'll assure him enough to give you that – as much as I can."
Bella nodded. She didn't know how to feel. Why did it feel like she hadn't said anything at all but somehow still lost?
Carlisle paused at the door on the way out. "All is well, Bella. Rest." He flicked off the lights, and like a spell had been cast, Bella shut her eyes for a moment and collapsed into sleep.
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
*no sparkling (what should the sun do, you reckon?); they're strong and hard and cold but not actual stone/marble/whatever because I just can't make it make sense; more mythical creatures will show up somehow (oh, my!); they're hot, because everyone is hot, but for the life of me I cannot understand what supernatural hotness is supposed to really mean (can we just leave it that if you were changed, people would think you look your best self – good hair, skin, vamp pheromones); Alice is Japanese because I always thought that was great when Catherine Hardwick suggested it in an interview; Emmett is played by a young Shah Rukh Khan (if old mate can have sparkles and Renameme, I can have this); Carlisle was changed at 27 (hard times in those years though), Esme at 41 (gasp!), Jasper at 30, Alice at 19, Rosalie at 23, Emmett at 28, Edward at classic 17, poor boy (so assume only Alice and Edward went to high school, I guess, and everything will be fine); the year is 2006, for no reason except that it makes plot (calling it plot in the first place is generous) easier for people not to have access to the internet at all times; if you think Smience (Stephanie Meyer Science) is weird wish-fulfillment, wait until you see the bullshit I've got planned; and there will be no grown men imprinting on little girl babies if I have anything to say about it.
I'm doing it because it's fanfiction and the world is crumbling anyway, not because I think it's any better or I'm hating on old mate Meyer. It's all love here, folks.