The dream was disturbing. In the thin veiled between-time there's no time for fears. But I dream anyway. The charred remains of Sekoto Peak still scarred over and crush underfoot.
But then there's the fact that I'm in the ashes. The fact that I was still alive still a miracle but the pain seared so much that it numbed. The cold air twisted into a heavy heat of some beast.
I try to get up but my arms crackle and break down to stumps, "Ah!" I gasp. Legs fleck to ashes and I'm a legless armless thing laying in the hospital bed again. Dad looming above me with the saddest expression.
"I don't care what you have to do, fix him!"
Mom was there, on her knees sobbing into her hands. The pain of new bone and muscles, the skin stretching over them and flecking out in layers makes my head spin. Breathing hard into an oxygen mask as my new arms and legs thrash around. My eyelids return with a throbbing pain. Skin born with white, harsh scarring as a damn reminder that I'm basically 'undead.' I wake up to the door opening in a near cold sweat. Seeing my wife stumbling in.
She's wrapped in a loose sweater with her dark hair falling over her one of her eyes. The heavy scent of her quirk clouding around her. I should've known Nemuri had a much higher alcohol tolerance. But how she was when she came home surprised me. Posing against the doorframe with her blue eyes filled with that same super attractive lust. She sashays out of our doorframe with somewhat uneven steps as I try to watch my show.
She drops gracelessly into my arms almost like she was trying to swing herself into my lap but just failing.
"Come onnnnnnn~" she whines, "Come to bed already!"
"How much have you had to drink, Nemuri?" I sigh, looking at her with so much love but of course I'm worried.
"Does it matter? Let's have a lil' fun!" she tries to make a grab for my waistband but I don't let her.
"Nemuri... I don't feel comfortable having sex with you when you're like this." I say as she sways a little and smiles.
"Oh... okay. You guys... like... like 'Ndeavor n' stuff... yer all so great." she mumbles, "But the people loooove the flashy quirks..." tears well in her eyes.
"Whaas wrong with me wubbing you sho much?!" she sobs, throwing herself against me, "I wub youuuu!"
Hearing and seeing her cry breaks my heart. I start tearing up too as I run my hand through her hair and hug her as she wraps herself around me. Just to cry things out.
"I hate Midnight... I hate her so much..." she sniffles, "Cuz she sucks ass." she shakily breathes in and out, "Why in the fuck did you choose me, Koyurei?" she moves back to look me in the eyes.
I smile, "Because you're amazing."
"You don't mean that. I'm not THAT good." she looms closer than before, landing a kiss on my lips almost hungrily pushing me back against the sofa and smearing her lipstick on my cheeks and neck.
Heavy with the drink still swirling her thoughts she says through a breathiness in her voice, "I've never met a man who can fuck like you can..."
"Again, I'm not comfortable with innuendoes and all this when you're drunk." I sigh, gently rolling her off me.
"Eeehehehe... I'm so fucked up. I've been a bad girl~!" she shoves herself back onto me, "Punish me, Mr. Hero!"
"I'll get you some water, then straight to bed." I huff and gently guide her towards the kitchen, she nods when I hand her the glass. She sips gently and looks sad again. That sadness breaks me to pieces every damn time.
"Koyurei. You're so... beautiful." she sighs as I tuck her in. Keeping an eye on my drunk wife almost like at any time she'd get alcohol poisoning and I'd have to rush her to the hospital.
She sleeps on her side and I gently climb in next to her. Listening closely, listening for the problems. The issues. Any moment she'd be sick and I'd have to panic. Any moment she'd be hurt or dead and her family would blame me. I don't dare fall asleep. Even when darkness is ringing my vision I try to fight it. Her quirk still puffs and settles sweetly in the room. I thrash and fight against the sleep. I don't want it. I don't need it. I just want... want...
My head feels like its been broken open by a jackhammer. Pounding over and over as the mixer seems like a far-off memory. The girl seemed kinda obsessed and even if the Naruhata guys found anything it would probably have something to do with what Aizawa and Hizashi had to deal with. A giant monster killed their best friend, maybe that's why they were so careful with me? Like I was the third they didn't want. Or the third person they had to remind them of who they lost?
Something that haunted His Purple Highness even when I worked with him. He was protective, taught me a lot, but never let me stray too far from him. He kept telling me in his strong voice to be, "Extra vigilant. No matter what. Even if your quirk is the strongest on earth death can come for you."
I rise from the pillows and find Koyurei passed out next to me. He'd cared for me when I tried to jump his bones while drunk. God, I'm so embarrassing. That's how I felt about it. Just... embarrassed.
"G'mornin' beautiful..." Koyurei rises and wraps his arms around me, "Feelin' okay?"
"No. My head feels horrible." I groan and he gently kisses my cheek, making the pounding a little less with how cold he is. Koyurei just... he's put up with me for this long and I'm so happy.
I'm waiting for the catch, the 'gotcha', the other woman, or hell the end of the world where he never loved me at all. But what I told him didn't make him run away screaming with his hands in the air. He probably would've done it already. He hums softly and still holds me. I always wanted to be closer to him and I got my wish. Closing my eyes and leaning into his embrace with the jackhammering ending.
At least for a little bit. Then it rattles up again and I almost wanna bash my head against the wall. Koyurei gently rocks me, I almost want to push out of his arms but he's so warm now...
So warm...
I lean back and kiss him, "Mmm..." his soft moan got me almost melting from the idea of letting him make love to me. He pulls back and I lie back down. God, I love him so much.
"Breakfast?" he asks.
"Yeah." I answer almost immediately. He fixes me something light and I don't really care what it is as long as its in my mouth and my stomach. I chow down like a woman possessed and he looks at me in slight shock.
"Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down, Nemuri." he soothes, "You're really going at it." I notice something off about him. He's fidgety and jumping at shadows. I grab his arm.
"Baby, what's wrong?" I ask and he looks at me almost like I slapped him. Which I didn't and would never ever do. Koyurei's haunted eyes slowly come back to the world of the living.
"Well ah... it's... I had a nightmare before you stumbled in last night about my healing." he explains it so simply it was almost like he was just talking about the weather and not one of the most traumatizing things ever to happen to him.
"Should you go to Dr. Shinsou?" I ask.
"You're recovering from a hangover, Nemuri." he sighs.
"I'll be fine honey." my voice comes out in a huff, "Maybe talk to him about that."
"Okay, okay... I promise. Don't you have that Sky Egg thing to go to?" he asks with a soft smile, "Because that sounds pretty fun."
"No, that's a few weeks down the way." I let out a soft giggle, "What do you wanna come with?"
"Maybe." he answers with a soft smile, "I love watching you work." my cheeks heat up and everything just kind of clicks.
"I guess that's why you love me?" I sniffle a little not even realizing my waterworks are back in full force. Koyurei hugs me tightly.
"Nemuri, I'll cheer you on the loudest and support you no matter what happens. I made those vows and I started healing because I believe in you." He kisses me on the lips and I lean into it.
"No matter what happens, I'll always, always love you." he pulls back and he's got that same dreamy expression on his face. But just as he's about to kiss me back against the pillows...
His phone sounds out a ringtone that I know was probably the most dreaded sound he could ever hear. The roar of a GoRanger Kaiju, Gaubera. He glances at it with a flash of fear on his face but he steels himself and answers.
"Yes, Dad?"
My stomach sinks and all I can do is watch.
I don't know what he wanted but judging by the tone of his voice he seems like he wants to talk at least.
"I want to talk to you in person. If you aren't busy of course." he says with a slight smile in his voice and panic sets in but I rebound quickly. I can work with this. I can do this.
"Sure, I'm not too busy. Where to?" I answer almost robotically. Like I just want this whole conversation to be put down like a rabid animal. I've been living in fear of this for too long and I've been hurt for years by this point.
It's time to put this to rest.
"I was thinking that restaurant we used to go to when you were little." he's picking a place we used to go when it was just Touya and I? What's gotten into him? I find myself speaking without thinking all that much.
"Sure, I'll be there soon."
When I hang up Nemuri hugs me and looks me dead in the eyes, "Good luck." she winks and kisses me. I wanted to stay with her so badly because she's recovering from a damn hangover but it's alright. I'll be back before she knows it.
Just without the fear of Dad coming in and wrecking everything.
Dad and I sit across from each other, the silence thick enough to not even need a knife, at this point it'd need an industrial sized hammer. He looks at me with those bright blue eyes and they're full of so many unsaid things.
"So... you and Nemuri got married." he states softly, "That's good."
"Yeah." my voice is stilted and robotic, almost like I rehearsed the lines over and over in my head which I did but that's besides the point.
Silence again, Dad eats some of his sushi, I drink some tea. We both don't talk. Until he breaks the silence.
"I always knew you liked this kind of Sushi. It's good, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
Dad still leaves what I want him to say unsaid, 'He's not even saying sorry?! What is this, an execution?!' I think, 'No, no. Just eat the food, and THEN maybe he'll breach the topic! Nice!'
"You know what this is already about, right Dad?" I offer him the chance to figure it out and he nods.
"Yes. I know." his motions are stiff and his expressions are strained almost like he has no memory of what he used to do. How he used to act or be around me. We had the room to ourselves with a thick enough door so no one could hear us. The workers (someone give them a raise) seemed nervous when we came in. Mostly because Endeavor and Enavant haven't been seen together in a while. More than just a while as the main course comes in.
Soba for me.
Some kinda hot pot kind of thing for the both of us. Dad fishes some of it out and ladles it into a bowl for me, "Here." he states, "You look tired."
"Dad, I don't-" he pins me with a glare, "Okay."
He always gets like this. Ever since my healing he's been weird. One minute treating me like a soldier and the next just like a kid. Or in this case a complete stranger. I scoop some of it into my mouth.
"I'm proud of you." his words don't seen to match his eyes.
"Do you actually mean that or is this just another self-aggrandizing move?" I raise an eyebrow and Dad looks down at his food almost as if he actually does feel bad.
Dad puts down his bowl, "Koyurei, it wasn't fair." his voice softens, "I would've healed you regardless."
"Well that's great, Dad. Maybe you should've shown up." my voice comes out in a growl, "Maybe you shouldn't have abandoned Natsuo and I to deal with Touya's mental issues."
"Son-"
"Let me finish."
I glare up at him and my flames make my mask, "But you know what really hurt?" I stand up and loom over him.
"I gave chance after chance, my youth, and my body. I was the top sidekick in the damn country!" Tears burn down my cheeks, "It was never good enough for you, every time I looked in the mirror I saw Touya and I saw you."
Memories of self hatred and the idea that I should've been the one to die come back in full force even when the haze of Nemuri's Somnambulism banished most of them to dreams.
"I just wanted you to stop. I wanted my Dad, even if he died that day too." I don't crumble, "I loved you so much, I admired you, I wanted to be like you."
"But then I found out you didn't want to save me." I can't help but break down, "So... so if you... w-want... a happy ending where you hug me and all's forgiven that ship has long since sailed."
"That dream of surpassing All Might killed you. Made... killed. Killed Touya, Fuyumi into someone who just wanted you to look her way, and Natsuo into an angry shadow of what he was. It... it broke my mother..."
"Koyurei..." Dad looks genuinely hurt.
Good. He should feel hurt.
"Shoto doesn't deserve it either. That's why I kept training. So I could save them from you." I continue, "So I could do what you never could as a father."
"So... so this... this is..." he gets up and I don't bother pushing him away. I almost welcome his embrace, that heat wrapping around me reminding me of when I used to sit in his lap and watch Midnight Diner together. Or GoRangers.
The days where Dad and I would cook together. It wasn't mom who taught me how. They both did. Those nights he'd stay up and just listen to me talk about what I did in class. Those moments when he was alive again. I cry into his hero costume, mist and salt burning away in my flames.
I pull back from that embrace. That chance to pull him back out and let him back into my life again. Those memories will always be in my heart as the reason I was Enavant in the first place. Those times where Mom and Dad weren't fighting. Those times where it was the four of us. Standing in front of me is a shadow wearing his face. I cry until I can't cry anymore.
"I'll always remember when you were alive, Dad. But I can't be around you anymore." my flames go out, "If you want to get closer to the others, maybe its time you step back and let them decide."
It's something I have to decide for myself. Something we all have to do. Dad's gaze is soft and honestly out of place on his face. It's a wonder he hasn't ripped my head off for daring to defy him but here we are.
"I'll keep that in mind, Koyurei." he says with an almost smile. He got a hug out of me and I can't believe it happened. When I leave the cold of outside doesn't make its way into me because of my flames.
I'm so angry that my flames just can't stop burning inside me. The idea that I couldn't just deny that hug and not give him the satisfaction of having any chance to redeem himself. Or at least begin to fix things between us and the others.
I stumbled. I failed. He knows that I'd at least give him some form of a chance. Or maybe I just overthought everything. Maybe he's genuinely going to try? I grip my steering wheel and let out a bitter laugh. It tides out of my throat as a tune of disbelief and almost self-preservation. Almost like I needed it to live. I drive back to the apartment getting a call from Nemuri. The hatred I feel for my father dies in me again.
I don't notice how long I've been driving for. Just listening to music and enjoying the drive. I just escape from everything for a long while. Just to clear my mind and get the bad thoughts out of my head.
"Hello?" I ask.
"Hey, how was it?" she asks. Something tells me that she feels better and I feel a smile on my face.
"He hugged me but I finally told him how I felt about things." my voice sounds lighter than usual, "So ah... anything you need me to do before I get home, hon?"
"Not really. I'm going to cook dinner tonight." her voice swells with pride, "I mean you're always working super hard and doing a lot of stuff for us so hurry back!" she's super happy.
I can't help but feel better the second I get back home. Pulling in and heading up the steps being greeted at the door by Sushi and Nemuri. She hugs me and Sushi chirps and meows, bumping up against me.
"Hey honey, I'm home!" laughing I press a kiss to her forehead. She pulls me in for another kiss and I happily accept it. It's going to be better. I'm ready for it to be.