Missed Sunday again, darnit. Someday I'll remember. On the bright side, beta is done, so now there's two updates per week! We're celebrating that with this particular chapter, which might be a bit of an odd one to celebrate with, all things considered.
Beta-reading done by Ryu_no_me, and I hope you somehow enjoy this one, in some way, shape, or form!
That night, Luka slept like a log, feeling the full-hearted, deserved exhaustion of a day well spent. She wasn't starving, dehydrated, but she'd moved though, and most importantly had fun. It had been a wonderful reprieve from a long week of plotting and loneliness.
The following morning though, awoken by Miku's soft chatter in the kitchen, Luka soon remembered that Rin was due to visit that day. The technician rambled about the movie Rin could be bringing, how she always brings romances, but she didn't mind, she liked most movies, she wasn't picky. As the technician swapped the bowls, Luka listened lazily as the tealette mentioned how much she preferred going to the movies to see anything, but of course that was only possible with new releases, some exceptions barred.
Luka thought to herself that she would take Miku to the movies, after she'd be human again. To thank her. Or perhaps she would learn about something that the technician would like even better. Were there better clays for sculpting? Maybe a particular setup? A set of tools?
A movie sounded easier. It was something they could do together, too.
"I'm just grateful that Rin keeps checking in," Miku said with a sigh as she sat down at her dining table. Luka descended to the lower hammock, happy to spend the morning hours with her. "Even when things get a little overwhelming, she always reaches out, lets me know I'm not alone."
There was a pause, so Luka saw it fit to meow. In reply, Miku sighed.
"With all that's going on right now, I'm not sure what I'd do without her. I have my game group too, of course... But Rin is my oldest friend."
"She also has a crush on you, I'm betting," Luka said with a meow.
"Yeah. Friends are great. Family you choose, you know?"
Luka licked her paw, wondering if this is what cats did when they had nothing else to do. Just lick themselves.
"I sometimes wonder if you had old friends, family," Miku whispered towards her. Luka felt her ears pivot to better capture the sound. "If you miss anyone."
"I do," Luka softly admitted.
"If you do, I hope to bring you back to them." She chuckled morosely. "And that you won't miss me too much."
Luka paused, putting her paw down.
She wasn't sure. She probably wouldn't, not that much. Nothing would beat returning to her old home, her old friends, her old job... She had other people to spend time with. There was that crush they could discuss of course, if only it weren't for the fact that they were coworkers.
Luka resumed pretending to be a cat. No, she wouldn't miss her. She'd forever be thankful, but she wouldn't miss any of this that much at all.
She kept up the charade as Miku slowly set up her sculpting stuff, bringing out the tools and the clay. When Luka got bored of the grooming, she started pawing at the tower, meowing loudly when it wouldn't rattle with treats. Miku diligently refilled it, praising her on the good work, before she returned to her sculpting. Then she paced around the room, glancing around the bedroom she had only been in once before. Miku had already made the bed, which surprised her somewhat, but she was more interested in finding a potential source of the shrieking.
After the pacing, she returned to her hide for a nap. She trusted Miku would keep her safe, and honestly, what else was there to do while waiting for a guest? She couldn't study, or reveal she knew what a TV was. And she would rather not give the impression that she'd be open to playing 'catch the bird' with Rin.
So, a nap it was.
Luka awoke in multiple stages. The first, and one of the more wakeful moments, was when Rin knocked on the door, but Luka quickly fell back to sleep when Miku ushered her in, letting her know that the cat was sleeping.
She knew she would be guarded.
The second moment was during a conversation between the two women. There was laughter about a random memory, but Luka didn't stay conscious long enough to listen to what it was about. The third was when Rin loudly exclaimed "Alright, movie time!". The fourth was soon after, when the movie started, the volume being far too loud.
The fifth, though, Luka couldn't immediately find a reason for. Initially, she thought it was because of the movie. There had been a loud noise after all, or something like that to rouse her. But her ears turned towards the living room, and the movie wasn't even that loud. The moment she thought nothing was amiss, however, she realized that the movie was paused, sending the apartment into a chilling silence.
"What?"
That was Miku's voice, and she sounded confused.
"I mean, I'm just..." Rin stuttered for a few moments. "I guess, I meant what I said. I like you."
Luka lifted her head, blinking away sleep. So she'd been right. Fantastic. That would make dealing with Miku easier in the long-run, if she'd be in a relationship. Coworkers were bad enough, but couples? Luka wouldn't touch those with a fifty-foot pole. She'd come across her fair share of unicorn chasers and unfaithful brats: neither of those appealed to her in the slightest for a whole host of reasons. This totally dealt with the gray area for her. Easy.
But Miku didn't reply for a bit. A bit too long, in fact.
"Since when?" she finally said.
"Years, Miku. Ages. I can't even remember..."
"Years? Even when I was dating—"
"I know! I know. I've always thought, you know what! Miku knows what she likes. She likes tall busty women with long flowing hair! And there's nothing wrong with that, and it's fine if... It's fine if I'm not like that."
"Rin, I..."
"And I was always happy knowing that you were happy at least, you know?! But I've been watching you be miserable for years now. Pining after someone who will barely give you the time of day. So I... I wanted you to know! I wanted to be heard, I think. To finally have the courage to tell you that I... I do like you. No. I love you, Miku. Dearly."
"Gosh, Rin, I..."
Luka sat up, her head brushing against the top of her hide, eyes fixed on the bit of wall that she could see.
The duo was right around the corner, out of sight.
They were being so quiet.
"Rin, you mean this?"
"I do. I know you like me too! Maybe not in that way, not exactly, but... We've been so close for so long! Is there really such a big difference?"
"There is," Miku slowly said.
"But you like me, right?"
"I do, but..."
There was a marked silence after that, as if both women were holding their breaths. Luka slowly emerged from the hide, ears trained.
Miku let out a hum, which pierced the silence as effectively as a popping balloon would have: Luka almost flinched. It wasn't so much the volume that had made surprise grip her heart, but the tone, the sheer shock and confusion.
It was alarming, a sound Luka wasn't familiar with.
She darted out of her hide, almost falling to the floor to round the corner, finally seeing what was happening in the living area. The image was blurry, as always, but even she could make out the vague shape of the two women on the couch, close, too close. As they moved, Luka saw the arm around Miku's waist and at the base of her neck, holding her tight.
Miku hummed again, the sound closer to a grunt, a complaint. Luka felt the hair on her back stand on end as her hand went to Rin's shoulder, to push.
Either the blonde was stronger, or the technician was too afraid of injuring her; Rin overpowered her easily, prying the hand from her shoulder to pin it against the couch, the rest of their bodies following suit. As they disappeared behind the arm rest, Luka only felt her panic rise.
Part of her wanted to believe that Miku was being so pliable because she had changed her opinion on the whole situation. But she couldn't hold on to that thought for even a second before Miku kicked, another complaint snuffed at her lips.
Luka was powerless to intervene. Even as a human, these situations were awful. To be avoided at all costs. She'd fetched her fair share of bouncers and barmen to report suspicious activity. And for herself? She felt immensely lucky to have never been on the receiving end of such an attack. The moment she had ever seen reluctance in her partners, she'd create space, re-evaluate. Physical intimacy was all about the fun, after all. It was a mutual pursuit of pleasure.
This? This was a nightmare. And what could she do?
Still sheltered behind the corner, she hissed loudly, her claws digging into the flooring. By some miracle, that was enough, either stuttering Rin's momentum or giving Miku strength. Finally, the tealette pushed the other woman away, kicking herself into an upright position, keeping Rin at an arm's length.
"I'm, I'm sorry, I—"
"Rin!" Miku wheezed. "What the fuck..."
"I thought you'd—"
"You thought what?!" Miku exclaimed, standing from the couch. When Rin motioned to follow her, the technician moved to put the couch between them. "What the fuck made you think that was a good idea?!"
Rin didn't answer for a moment, and she stood so stock-still that Luka could barely see her.
"I thought you'd finally see!" she finally shouted. "See what it's like to be loved!"
"Loved?!"
"Loved for real! Not merely tolerated, or to be stuck in some, some...! Fantasy! With a woman who is missing!"
"I know what love is, Rin," Miku seethed. "And this isn't it."
"So what is it, huh?! It wasn't your ex, who moaned and groaned that instead of spending time with her, you instead focused on your little sculptures all day long! Walking around with your head so deeply buried in your work that you can barely hold a conversation! Listening to your music non-stop on your ancient ipod instead of paying attention to what's going around you!"
"Rin..."
"You call yourself a romantic, but you can't seem to spend time with anybody! Even those who you love! Meanwhile, I've known you for all these years and I still love you when you do those things!" she went on. "Despite all your flaws, I still love you! I'm the only one who will!"
The tealette didn't reply right away, taking a few seconds just to breathe. From behind the corner, on the wrong side of the couch, Luka could barely see her, but she saw her chest rise with every breath, her face twisting slowly into an angry scowl.
"I think you need to leave."
"But—"
"Go."
Rin faltered for a second, but eventually she shouted, "She's fucking dead, Miku! Nobody goes missing for so long and comes out alive! So stop thinkin—"
"Leave!"
She wasn't kidding: Luka saw Miku approach the blonde, corralling her towards the door. The technician must have seen some change in Rin's demeanor that Luka couldn't, because contrary to her hard-headed assault from earlier, Rin was the one backing away easily, keeping space between the two, her frame curling in on itself, shrinking with every step.
"Miku, I'm so sorry..."
"That's not going to cut it—"
"I just wanted to see if we could at least give this a try," Rin whispered, some energy returning to her body. She stood fast by the door. "I don't... I don't need you to love me like I love you. I only... I only wanted to make you happier. Distract you from everything. Be the one you hold..."
Miku inhaled deeply, and Luka saw her fingers flex into a fist, only to relax again.
"You know that's impossible for me," the technician finally whispered.
"I know you're a romantic, you want true love, but I thought—"
"You didn't think," Miku cut her off. "You didn't think at all. You know me, you know everything about me, so you know that I never go into anything like this half-hearted. A one-sided relationship? God, Rin, you know that I'd never be able to do that to you, or to anyone! And you know that sooner or later, either you'd change your mind and resent me, or I'd resent you. It never would have worked."
"But..."
"And that was before all those things you said," Miku said, her tone more firm. But there was something thick at the back of her throat. "After all that?"
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't. Not now. Just go. I'll... I'll send your movie back by mail."
Rin didn't say another word, grabbing her coat from the coat hanger and darting out the door. The moment it shut, Miku locked it.
Then slowly, she turned back towards the room. She took in the couch, the paused movie, and perhaps even Luka's cowering form by the corner. Luka didn't move, watching her every twitch.
Slowly, Miku crossed the room, walking right past the kitchen, the cat, the dining area, the door.
She collapsed into her bed.
Seconds later, she started sobbing.
Miku cried for a long time. Luka waited by the door frame for a moment, unsure of what she could do for her. She couldn't be touched, she couldn't bring her a drink, place a hand on her shoulder. She didn't even know her well enough to guess what kind of comfort she'd benefit from most.
She vaguely remembered back in high school, when her dear friend Meiko managed to escape a bad situation with her boyfriend at a party. Luka had called her parents, put her coat around her shoulders, and accompanied her all the way home. She'd held her hand while she broke up with her boyfriend over the phone, walked her to and from class and wherever else he'd be, putting up with months of fear of retaliation.
She would do it all again.
But as she was? And for a relative stranger? Luka still burned to help, but it went nowhere: as a cat, she was powerless.
After some time, Luka walked into the room and ejected the disc of the film: that was one thing she wouldn't have to worry about later. She would have probably cooked for her if she could, done some chores...
After some time, she merely curled up by the door and watched.
What struck her was how Miku simply didn't contact anyone. The landline stayed rooted in its dock. Her phone remained where she had left it; Luka had no idea where that was. But Miku never made a motion to stand, to reach out. She cried, more and more quietly as time went on, eventually ending up as a rolled up ball under her sheets, so motionless Luka wondered if she was sleeping.
As the sun descended, her concern for the technician only grew. Luka searched for the phone, only to find it charging on the nightstand closest to Miku. She meandered through the kitchen, searching for something to do to help. There were no spare blankets to drag over, no way for her to fill the kettle with water for tea, and the magnets on the cupboards prevented her from seeing if she owned tea to begin with.
When the apartment was totally dark, even the blues of Luka's scenery replaced by the black-and-white of her night vision, she meowed.
Miku didn't reply. She was indeed sleeping.
Luka approached the foot of the bed, meowing louder. Miku had to eat, take care of herself. A warm shower helped. A hot drink. Luka considered drawing her a bath, wondering if she even could. Cats hate water, Luka knew, but she didn't know why. If touching water would make her freak out for a reason she couldn't make sense of, then they'd both be miserable.
After another moment of silence, she meowed again, and Miku jolted, sitting up.
"Oh..."
"Are you alright?" Luka meowed, pacing back and forth a short distance from the tealette.
"Oh man, I... Gosh, Evie, I'm so sorry. I'll get you dinner right away."
Luka paused, realizing that she hadn't been hungry in the slightest. "No, it's not me, you—"
Miku got out of bed, going straight for the kitchen.
"I let it all get the best of me," Miku mumbled, her voice nasal and thick with sleep. "I shouldn't have neglected you, I'm sorry."
Luka stayed quiet, wondering how helpful her meows really were.
"I guess I'm just really good at that, apparently... Maintaining relationships isn't..."
"Don't listen to all that," Luka wanted to say. "Call someone. Your parents?"
Miku sighed. "I'm sorry."
"You have other friends. Your game group! Is there someone in there you trust most?"
"I know, I know, I'm late, I'm working on it," Miku said, and her voice was once again watery. "I'm sorry..."
Luka bit her tongue.
She wasn't helping.
When Miku finally put the dish down, Luka didn't even acknowledge it.
"There's your dinner," Miku said, returning to the kitchen to wash the old one.
"What about yours?"
"It's right there!" the technician said, and Luka heard she was crying again. "I... God..."
"Do you have a therapist, maybe?" Luka meowed quietly.
"What more do you want?!"
Luka flinched at the clipped tone, ears flattening against her skull.
The old dish fell into the sink with a clatter. "Oh no, I'm sorry, I—" Miku kneeled to the floor, once again in tears. "I didn't want to make you scared. I'm sorry. I'm..."
Luka didn't know what else to do. Meowing didn't help. She approached once again, until she was in the sharpest area of her vision. The technician was on her knees, face buried in her hands, sobbing quietly.
Luka quietly tucked her limbs and she plopped down, to sit alongside her. She tried another sound, a little meow, something closer to a chirp, which was enough to make Miku look at her.
"You're not hungry?"
She didn't reply, staying perfectly still, eyes on her.
"I'm sorry, I don't... I don't know what you want."
Luka merely closed her eyes, sitting still. If Miku had questions, thoughts, she didn't voice them, sniffling every now and then. Luka looked only when she finally stood back up, resuming the washing of the dish.
"Make sure you eat," Luka quietly tried to meow.
"I..." Miku sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't speak cat. I don't know..."
Luka wracked her mind. Had she ever seen Miku pull anything out of these cupboards? She vaguely knew where she kept the cat treats, but that was about it. During the game night, there had likely been snacks, but maybe someone else brought them in. Did Miku even have snacks in her house?
She leapt up to the countertop, which made the technician flinch.
"Wh—"
Luka pawed at the closest cupboard.
"Oh, ok... I'll open it, if you want..."
Luka stood back just far enough to let her open it, but she found only dishes, glassware, and other kitchen tools. Timidly, she approached further to paw at the next cupboard.
"What are you looking for?"
There, she saw it: boxes of all kinds. Luka couldn't read the text or make out the colors, but she pawed at one, staring Miku in the eye.
"Those aren't for you, Evie..."
"You dense...!" Luka started a hiss, but she swallowed it, pawing at it again.
Miku stared at her for a long time, before she finished washing the dish. When she was done, Luka descended from the countertop, staring at her.
Either Miku had put the pieces together, or she just happened to think that she was hungry, too. She slowly poured herself a bowl of cereal, it sounded like. When she added the milk, Luka meowed and approached her own dish. She waited until Miku sat down at the dining table before she started eating, keeping the technician in the corner of her eye.
"Oh," Miku said. "You..." Luka watched her until the technician let out a slight chuckle. "You like eating with company?"
"If that's what you need to believe, then sure," Luka thought to herself.
"Fine, fine... Alright. I think I read somewhere that it's a way to reassure cats that you won't go after their food. I'll keep that in mind."
Luka internally rolled her eyes, but more than anything she was happy she got the poor woman to eat. Luka finished her meal first, so she climbed up to the hammock, then watched as Miku ate.
Miku didn't even look at her. She kept glancing outside, sometimes zoning out for minutes at a time, before remembering the bowl of soggy cereal in front of her and taking another bite, only to forget all over again, eyes on the big outdoors.
Eventually, she finished eating as well, pushing the bowl to the side.
"Talk to someone," Luka meowed.
"What is it?"
"You need to talk to someone," Luka insisted. "Something awful just happened. I can't help you."
"You're... You're so talkative now. I just wish..."
Luka hesitated. She'd had a week's worth of practice speaking, but was it too soon? She opened her mouth, ready to say something, anything, but Miku suddenly stood, disappearing into her bedroom.
The feline stood as well, ready to dart in after her in case she was going to go to bed early, too early, but she reemerged, her phone in her hand.
She bit her tongue again: meowing might only distract her. She laid back down, her feet tucked under her, and within seconds, the screen of the phone lit up the whole space.
Luka watched Miku open a few apps, scrolling through each for ages at a time. She couldn't recognize what she was using, but more often than not, she scrolled through a list of sorts, and she could only hope that Miku was looking at her contacts.
"Reach out," Luka quietly chirped, hoping she would be encouraging. "Anyone."
Miku only sighed, still scrolling through the list. Down, up, down again, pausing, scrolling on.
After what felt like ages, which probably felt even longer to Miku, she selected a name and held her phone to her ear. Luka heard the faint ringing, once, twice, and finally, a voice spoke on the other end of the line.
"Hey, Gumi..."
Luka felt her tail wag. Finally, a familiar name.
"I, euh..." Miku inhaled deeply, then went mute.
Gumi asked, her voice so clear and the sentence so simple that even Luka heard it, "Are you ok?"
"No. I'm not."
Gumi asked something else.
"Yeah. I think. If it's not too late? I know you're busy..." Miku bit her lip, then nodded. "Ok. I'll be here. Thanks."
She hung up then, before looking at the phone for a long time. Luka stared, proud she'd made that step, scared she might cancel whatever they had arranged.
After a few minutes, Miku got up and did the dishes, her movements lethargic. The phone stayed on the dining table, the screen dark.
Luka wanted to jump down, go through it. Did Miku have a passcode? If not, what would she find in her contact list?
She hadn't called her parents. Of course, she hadn't contacted Rin. Who else would be on that list? Her employer, no doubt. The friends of her game group. Depending on circumstances, the name of that mysterious ex of hers. Some other relations, old friends, ex-classmates.
Luka stared at the technician as she put the movie away, stuffing the box into an envelope. She turned on a few lights as well, letting the cat once again see her blue hair as she slowly meandered to and fro. She mumbled something about laundry and chores, but didn't do much of either.
If this kind of thing had ever happened to her, she would have called her parents, Luka mused. There was nobody she trusted more. They had supported her every decision in her life, helping with rent when she needed it, helping with applications to universities, being there at every graduation, supporting her through every hardship. Whether it had been a scraped knee, a burst appendix, or the end of her very first, long-term relationship, they had let her cry on their shoulder, been there at the hospital, brought food, tucked her in bed.
She understood that not everybody had that bond with their parents. But if Miku couldn't turn to them in such a dark moment? She felt her hair stand up on end at the thought.
Soon enough, there was a knock at the door, and Miku let Gumi in. Luka tensed, but stayed in her hammock, keeping only an ear on the transpiring events.
"Oh my God, Miku. You look..."
"I know."
"What happened?"
Luka heard the door close, but no reply.
"Do you need a hug?"
Miku must have nodded, because Luka soon heard the newcomer drop her bag, then the tell-tale sound of fabric rustling. Moments later, hushed sobbing.
Luka relaxed as the technician slowly opened up, her sobs becoming progressively less restrained.
"What is it, Miku?" Gumi asked. "How can I help?"
"I don't know," she admitted, her voice disappearing into Gumi's coat. "I..."
When she couldn't string her words together, Gumi stopped insisting. Luka listened as the sobs slowly quieted, the duo soon sitting on the couch. When she heard that sound, she rounded the corner, perching on the edge of the cabinet under the TV.
"Oh, it's your cat!" Gumi said.
"Evie?"
"Is that her name?"
Luka squinted at the duo, feeling her tail curl around her feet as she watched.
"Yeah," Miku said, sitting straight, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm. Gumi quickly pulled some tissues from her coat, which she still had on. "She's... She's come out of her shell a little."
"That's wonderful," Gumi whispered, eyes still darting to Luka. "Can you pet her?"
"No. Don't try to, please. I just barely convinced her she can come out without fearing that."
"Ok." Gumi stared at her for a moment, and Luka stared back. "What happened, Miku?"
"I... I don't know how to say."
The guest hummed for a bit, shedding her coat. "Is it work or personal?"
"Personal."
"Oh, that's complicated isn't it? Did Mew reach out or something?"
"No. Worse, I think. Uhm..."
"Worse! Oh dear..." Gumi quickly embraced her, and Luka flinched as the distance between them shrank, but the friend only held her, patting her back. Miku hugged her in return, which put Luka at ease. "Did you hear bad news about the missing people?"
"No, no, it's..." Miku took a moment. "It's about Rin."
"Rin? What happened?"
Slowly, painfully, Miku told the story of that afternoon. Luka felt her tail twitch whenever the technician ironed out a detail: she never admitted that Rin had her pinned down on the couch, making the whole ordeal sound a lot more brief than it had been. But she couldn't blame her. Who would want to relive such an event so soon afterward?
Before long, she finished the story with Rin's departure, sniffling the whole time.
"Oh my God, I never would have thought..." Gumi muttered. After some time, she asked, "What can I do to help?"
"I don't know..."
"I can have a word with her, if you want."
Miku shook her head. "I don't... Is it too much to think that this is beyond a few words?"
"Not at all!" Gumi exclaimed. "It's entirely your call."
"She didn't mean anything bad—"
"But she did bad," Gumi gently whispered. "She hurt you."
"She didn't hit me or anything."
Gumi shushed her, holding her in a firm hug. "That doesn't matter. She didn't listen to you and ignored your boundaries. If you never want to talk to her again, that's entirely up to you."
"I don't want to stop you from hanging out with her if you want..." Miku whispered.
"Miku, I don't think I want to hang out with people who do this. Especially if it would upset you."
The technician inhaled deeply, shakily. She was already working herself up to a new round of sobs.
"She's my oldest friend..."
"I know," Gumi softly said.
"I don't want to say goodbye to that, but..."
"It's hard. But you don't have to decide right now. Sleep on it. Take some time. Recover. I'm here whenever you need me."
Miku blinked a few times, her fist tightening around the tissue. "You mean it?"
"Of course."
The technician turned to jelly at this point, almost falling apart in Gumi's arms. "Thank you... Thank you so much. I didn't know who else..."
"Do you need me to stay over tonight?"
Miku whimpered. "You wouldn't mind?"
"I work tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure you get up before I do."
"Yeah..."
"You might want to take a day off, though."
At that, Miku pulled away, shaking her head. "No, I can't. My boss... I haven't been doing a good job lately. The power keeps going out and they're going to fire me over it."
"You're not kidding. God, Miku, what else are you dealing with?"
"Nothing. Just that... And this nightmare, today."
"And your missing colleagues."
The tealette huffed. "Like they matter! They don't... They don't care about me."
Even Luka saw Gumi's frown as it slowly settled on her features. "Miku... Just a few days ago you were all up in arms, volunteering until past sundown."
"Well..."
"Did Rin say something?"
Luka blinked, felt her tail twitch.
"I don't... Nothing important."
"That's bullshit," Luka meowed, ears flattening against her skull.
Gumi turned towards her, then back to Miku. "She says you're lying."
"She's not saying anything."
"Maybe, but I don't buy it either. What did she tell you, Miku?"
She squirmed. "I'm just... I'm a bad friend. A hermit. A... A crazy cat lady."
"Miku, you're not a hermit!" Gumi exclaimed. "You're an introvert, sure, but that's not a bad thing! And if you're a crazy cat lady, then I'm absolutely losing my mind over cats!" When Miku didn't reply, she insisted, "What did she say to you?!"
"She basically just... Said all the things Mew said, back in the day. I'm terrible at being with people."
Gumi tutted.
"And I'm terrible at paying attention to things. I just...waste away my hours with my stupid sculptures. I forget anniversaries, I can't plan dates, I don't reach out—"
"And that's fine."
"But I'm still too stubborn to settle on anything less than... I don't know. I haven't been in a relationship in years. I'm too hard-headed to go for anything less than love. Yet I can't back that up by being a good girlfriend. That just... That just translates into my friendships, too. I'm an awful friend."
Gumi took in a deep breath. "She said all those things?"
"More or less."
"She's an idiot."
"She's known me for years, put up with all that bullshit, and she's the only one I've known for so long who actually stuck around!" Miku grumbled. "So... I don't know. She said she's the only one who would love me despite those things. She'd know, wouldn't she. And I'm..."
Gumi gently took her hands. "Ok, there's a few things to address here. But first, have you eaten something?"
"I've eaten a little..."
"Do you want something to drink?"
Miku shrugged, which Gumi took as a positive. She stood, saying, "I'll make you some tea."
Luka watched her head towards the kitchen, then turned her attention back to the technician.
The tealette had her head hung low, fists wrapped around the tissue. Sometimes, she'd rip a piece from it, the jerk of the motion and the sound of the fibers tearing made a crisp image in Luka's eyes. As she regarded her, Luka felt the tail wrapped around her feet twitch, every motion betraying a thought, an emotion.
Miku looked so small, and listening to her speak, she felt smaller still, silly perhaps, a fool. But Luka couldn't find it in herself to judge her: problems of the heart were universal. Love, whether people aspired to find it or not, had this tendency to get everywhere, influence anything.
And Luka couldn't help but relate to the technician. When she had first started her career, she had to deal with the messages society had told her: a working woman wasn't a family woman. No man wanted to date a woman who was smarter than he is. It got worse and worse with every new diploma, every degree, every achievement. The fact that she dated women didn't even seem to help: the ultimate conclusion was that a woman who spent more time at work than at home had no room in her heart for love.
Luka sighed, tucking her feet under her when she heard the water boil. At first, she'd shrugged all those things off. No matter who said them, whether it be a quote from a movie, the subtext of a perfume advertisement, or even the mutterings of her uncle during the Christmas reunion, she'd held her head high and had dated like most other people around her. There was a small dream of a happy ever after. Luka liked the idea of finding 'the one' and spoiling her, providing the income so that her beloved could do whatever she wished. A double income? Even better: they'd take vacations together and travel the world, hand-in-hand.
Gumi approached Miku with a hot mug of tea, and Luka saw how gray her blue eyes had become.
She had felt those same struggles as Miku did: as a researcher, especially a younger one who had something to prove, papers to write, brainstorming to do, she spent so much of her time wrapped up in her work that she struggled balancing the different facets of her life. She loathed to prove the world right and did her best, calling when she had time, giving the best gifts she could afford, writing down the dates, remembering everything, but for some reason the fact that she was absent simply weighed more. After the nth breakup, she'd had a meltdown much like Miku was having right then. She'd cried and cried and eventually? She gave up. Relationships wouldn't work, at least not with the people she was seeing. It was easier to drink her fill of affection from nightly activities. Sure, sometimes she tried a little harder, but after she would have to text 'sorry, I can't make it' for the sixth or seventh time, the other would inevitably decide that she wasn't worth the effort.
Luka truly loathed to prove the world right. But what could she do? She wouldn't sacrifice her job for the world. For love? It was a harder question, but apparently her job loved her more than her partners did.
Gumi sat back down on the couch, blowing on a hot cup of tea. The sound caught Luka's ears, so she glanced back at the other woman. She was sitting close to Miku, leaning against her shoulder.
"I did a bit of thinking while I was making the tea," Gumi said. "And I think it's best to start with something that Mew once told me long ago, back when you two first started dating."
"Oh?"
"Yes. It lines up a bit with what Rin just said to you. Roughly, I mean. She had said that she could fix you."
Miku bristled at the statement, and Luka felt her ears tilt back. She'd heard that herself a fair share of times.
"Fix?"
"Yes. And Rin, just now, she said that she'd be the only one who would love you 'despite' all these perceived shortcomings. They both didn't understand the simple fact that there's nothing wrong with you in the first place, and if you are to be loved, it wouldn't be in spite of who you are, but because of who you are."
"...But I'm..."
Gumi shushed her. "I know you're still... Hm."
"I know you're going to talk about my parents."
"I won't, if you don't want me to," Gumi said softly. "I know it's hard."
Miku sighed, then shakily admitted, "Sometimes it feels like I can't be loved at all."
"Well, your parents are idiots. And Mew was a fool to date you in hopes of changing you. And Rin? She was a fool too, thinking that her feelings were some kind of favor and that you owed her for them. But I can bet that there is someone out there who doesn't care about having a lot of time to themselves, or that you're engrossed in your hobby."
"More like obsessed."
"Miku, it's not a bad thing to be passionate about anything! You love sculpting so much."
"But it's getting in the way—"
"With the right person, it won't even be an obstacle," Gumi said, firm. "And neither will any of those other things. There are so many different people out there, Miku. Introverted, like you, extroverted, like Rin. And everybody is looking for something. Some are pickier than others. But I bet that one day, you'll find someone who is looking for someone just like you."
Miku shrugged. "I might if I weren't in love with a missing person I don't even know."
"A crush isn't so harmful. Perhaps, when she comes back, and if you give her some time, you could ask her out?"
"She's... She's dead, most likely."
"Don't say that."
Miku shook her head. "Rin was right. I need to wake up, get my act together—"
"Miku, please..."
"I can't even work right either. I'm messing up. I'm going to get fired, I'm going to die alone—"
Gumi put her mug on the coffee table to embrace her, shushing her gently.
"Don't say those things..." she insisted. "There's nothing wrong with you."
"I've never felt more broken."
"You're not broken. See? I'm holding you. You're in one piece. And I'll be here for as long as you need, until you believe it yourself."
Miku didn't reply, at least not with words.
All she did was cry.