It was a long while before Inuyasha saw Sesshomaru again. He could feel that the youkai was annoyed and was curious about why. He seemed more irritable than usual. Leaving his room with Sakura on his tail he made his way towards where he was. When he arrived, it was a door, so he knocked. "Enter."
He opened the door and could see several people he knew as his mate's advisers. Entering, he left Sakura outside. They all seemed surprised to see him, his youkai was tense. "Is there something you require?"
Inuyasha pursed his lips, thinking about it. He was bored. There was nothing for him to do here and he thought about the last time he'd jumped the wall. "Can you come with me somewhere?"
Sesshomaru scowled at this. "The rest of you. Leave." The advisers were quick to hurry out and close the door behind themselves. "Where is it that you wish for me to go and why?"
"You get pissy when I jump the wall. I wanted to go to that youkai town again. I never got a chance to try the food." Inuyasha shrugged.
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed, "There are several chefs at your beck and call, why would you want to eat outside of..."
"I'm bored! I'm tired of sitting around doing nothing, and I'm tired of reading!" Inuyasha groaned as he huffily sat down. "Come ooonnn I'm even asking instead of just doing what I want." When Sesshomaru sighed, he felt his youkai tense in fear. It was upsetting to feel it do that. The youkai then stood and walked over. Inuyasha looked up at him and took the offered hand.
"Lead the way you petulant child." Sesshomaru spoke. He was nervous about the bright and childish smile he was given as the hanyou stood, though his own youkai, which urged him to entertain their mate was very pleased.
They left through a gate and Inuyasha could feel his youkai's attention on Sesshomaru and how tense it was. It made him frown as he wondered why. His beast was rejecting Sesshomaru's repeated attempts at connecting. "Wow…you really hate him then…? Enough to not even give him a chance…?" He spoke to it in his head. "You said he hurt us, right?" His youkai confirmed this. "How?" The youkai didn't have an answer aside from calling the youkai a cruel villain.
He was sure he'd never heard it use words like that before and since he was so distracted he nearly ran face first into a low hanging branch. Sesshomaru stopped him just before he was smacked in the face. The hanyou looked up at him, "Why are you so distracted while walking? You'll hurt yourself." He mumbled softly as he moved the branch out of his way.
"Sorry. Youkai is feeling more talkative now." Inuyasha explained as he looked around. He noticed how Sesshomaru seemed to tense a bit at that.
Inuyasha bit the inside of his lip as they walked before decidedly holding his hand. Sesshomaru seemed surprised but didn't reject him. "He…seems scary and rude but…why would he hurt me?" He asked his youkai in his mind. This caused his youkai to call him naïve, that without his memories he knew nothing about the world they lived in. "So, tell me then!" He spoke to it annoyed. His youkai opted to ignore him, "Tell me or I'll let them force you out." His youkai bristled at this and was clearly pissed at being threatened. He became startled because Sesshomaru's youki was able to find a gap because they were arguing, and he hadn't expected it.
He stopped walking and tried to clear his head. "Ugh…so annoying." Inuyasha mumbled, feeling equally irritated by his youkai as it was of him. Sesshomaru felt how unwilling his youkai was and what his youkai was trying to do but decided to simply observe what would happen. His youkai seemed to get a bit frustrated with Inuyasha's and he could feel it's fright when that happened before he reigned his own in. He observed Inuyasha as they continued to walk, "I don't really have any memories. I remember stuff about myself…like my name…most likes and dislikes but…I couldn't honestly tell you anything about myself from before I woke up…" Inuyasha sighed, "I don't remember my parents, or friends. I don't remember being a kid. I know I've had foods, but I couldn't even tell you my last meal. Nothing. It's like walking around in a world that's familiar but foreign. It's annoying…and being stuck in that castle is annoying. There's nothing to do and I don't have any direction about anything."
Sesshomaru thought about his words. He was certain that had he been in the same position he would be frustrated as well. He didn't expect to spend time with the hanyou like this. Truly, he expected something amicable like this to be possible in a hundred years or so, but the memory loss changed things. "If your memories don't return with time, I'm sure there are other things we can try. I even though to ask my mother for assistance as she is well versed in magic. I would rather not contact her before we are certain they won't return on their own."
"What if even she can't help?" He asked.
"…then I'm unsure. There are things I can tell you about your history, but I do not know everything. I doubt there are people who do, though I'm certain I can reintroduce you to some of your allies." Sesshomaru confirmed. That's what he said, but the youkai wasn't sure if he was truly willing to. Aside from the behavior from his youkai, this was better. He wondered, if things had been done properly, if this was what they could have been. Would the Inuyasha of the past be willing? He cursed his youkai once more, he cursed himself.
Inuyasha nodded and smiled, "One way or another, I'll remember asshole." He said to his youkai in his head which huffed. They walked around the town for a while, everyone bowing to them. "Don't you get tired of all the ass kissing?" He asked, looking at his mate. "Probably not, you seem pretty pompous." He chuckled.
"And yet your desire and penchant for insulting people remains the same. Incredible how it's clearly a trait of your personality and not something you learned." Sesshomaru sighed.
"Wow, even your insults are pretentious." Inuyasha continued to laugh.
He and Sesshomaru wandered around the town for a while as Inuyasha tried different foods, and made the youkai try as well. When they were heading back to the castle Inuyasha seemed a lot livelier. Truth be told, he'd never seen this side of the hanyou and couldn't be certain if it was typical. However, it was pleasant. When they arrived the hanyou surprised him once more by kissing him, "See ya pretentious asshole!" Sesshomaru bit the inside of his mouth at his youkai's behavior. It wanted to follow the hanyou and continue. He closed his eyes and went back to his office to finish his work. It wasn't as if the memoryless hanyou hadn't kissed him before. In his office, as he worked, his mind, like usual, was occupied by his mate.
The youkai didn't expect to find his mate in his bed. He walked over and sat beside the sleeping hanyou. He could feel his youkai tense in fear as it tried to wake the hanyou. Sesshomaru sighed, "Mate, I'm sorry." He spoke softly, caressing his cheek. The hanyou's youkai rejected him as usual which made him frown. His own youkai was upset by this and Sesshomaru told it furiously that the state of their relationship with Inuyasha and his youkai was entirely it's fault…their fault.
He sighed and went to bathe. He relaxed and stared at the ceiling, realizing there was now something he truly feared. The idea that Inuyasha would remember. That he would return to being as he was before. Reminding him, every day, that he was no different from the man that sired him. When he finished, he dressed and returned to his sleeping chambers. He couldn't understand why the hanyou was sleeping in his rooms in the first place.
Climbing in beside him, he turned away and allowed himself to drift off. The following day he felt a weight on his chest and looked down to see his mate asleep comfortably. Though his youkai was tightly wound, it wasn't doing anything else. Sesshomaru sighed…he shouldn't get used to this. When Inuyasha finally woke, he sat up. He smiled at the youkai, "Good morning."
"…good morning…" Sesshomaru spoke softly. The hanyou leaned forward and joined their lips. Like usual, the youkai never pushed him away and returned it gently.
"Why are you okay with kissing me?" Inuyasha asked.
Sesshomaru said nothing at first and stood. He looked back at the hanyou, "Who would reject their mate for something so simple?"
"Someone who told their mate that they hated them." Inuyasha said as he pulled his knees to his chest and looked to the side. He still remembered his mate's words that day and they'd hurt.
"I'm sorry if my words caused you distress. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was frustrated at the time." Sesshomaru said watching him. Inuyasha was a lot more needy than he expected for someone like him.
Inuyasha nodded and thought about his words, "Why though, what did I do to make you so mad at me?"
Sesshomaru paused, he thought about the question and frowned. "Nothing. You didn't do anything. It's an issue that isn't your fault." He'd come to realize that over time. He blamed Inuyasha for merely existing, even that was no fault of his. "I'm sorry mate. Truly." He took in his mate's contemplative face, "Are you still tired?"
"Oh no, I'm okay."
"Care to tell me why you ended up in my bed?"
"Is there a reason I'm not allowed?" Inuyasha asked cheekily.
Sesshomaru scoffed at this, "Is that going to be your response every time I ask you a question?"
"Maybe!" Inuyasha chirped happily before making himself comfortable once again.
Sesshomaru sat beside him, feeling his playful energy. He couldn't help the slight smile on his face due to Inuyasha's encroaching emotions. "You certainly have a lot of energy this morning."
"Yeah, I don't really mind Sakura and the servants but being followed around all day was really starting to get to me. There's always people everywhere." Inuyasha explained.
"Yes, doing their jobs."
"Still, it's uncomfortable." Inuyasha murmured. He didn't feel used to all to that attention. "No one will come in here. Even if I tell them to leave me alone, they'll still come into my rooms at various times during the day. They haven't done that to your rooms yet though." Inuyasha explained.
Sesshomaru felt slightly irritated at this. They had no right to disobey Inuyasha if he wished to be left alone but it was obviously a remnant of his previous orders, when he'd tried to kill himself. "It is due to your behavior previously. In your state, you attempted to take your own life. So, they come in to make sure you are well. I'll rescind the order, and they should leave you be when you tell them."
Inuyasha thought about his words; he couldn't believe he'd tried to kill himself. It was a scary thought. "What if I like sleeping in here?"
"Then you may continue to do so." Sesshomaru gently caressed his short hair. Feeling his stomach tighten, watching him smile to himself from where he lay. It was in this moment he noticed that the hanyou's youkai wasn't full of fear. It was watching him curiously, he tried apologizing to it with his energy and while it wasn't accepted it, at the very least, wasn't vehemently shoved back in his face. "I will see you later Inuyasha, I must return to work."
"Okay, good luck!" Inuyasha said as he stretched and turned over. He wasn't sleepy anymore but wanted to enjoy the peace of being left alone a little longer.
When Sesshomaru made it to his office after dressing, he took a deep breath and sat down heavily. He…couldn't easily deal with any version of his brother.
Inuyasha on the other hand was very entertained by bothering the youkai. His youkai repeatedly told him to stop but he was proving a point to it. That while Sesshomaru would get pissy about things, he wouldn't really get mad no matter what he did. That's why it was quiet in the morning. The youkai was sure Sesshomaru would harm them in the room and hadn't been expecting the apologies. It made it uncomfortable, and it felt like Inuyasha couldn't understand that the damage had already done, and they were in this state because of the youkai.
Over the weeks, the hanyou happily continued to push boundaries but it was clear to most that the lord found his behavior endearing instead of problematic. Before, when the hanyou was repeatedly jumping the wall, it was a cause for chaos, but Sesshomaru told them not to bother and only watch for danger. Inuyasha would follow him around the castle and sit in on meetings when he was bored, much to the dismay of officials and advisers considering the youkai would be distracted.
It was to the point that Sesshomaru even asked Masane about the behavior. "Well Milord, it just seems that this is just how lord Inuyasha is. He doesn't have any of the memories that caused him to be so defensive so…of course he's behaving in such a carefree manner. Does it bother you?" She asked. He wasn't the only one bothered by the behavior as many found it off putting but there was nothing she could do to force the return of those memories. Inuyasha would come to her at times because of anxiety but other than that, he seemed to be doing well. Much better than before at least.
It was after a meeting that the youkai finally questioned him, "Are you truly so bored that you feel the need to follow me everywhere?" Sesshomaru asked as he finished signing a document and looked up at Inuyasha, who was sitting comfortably on a stack of cushions and pillows. Inuyasha looked at him and thought about his question before standing and coming over. He said nothing and sat in his lap, feeling the youkai stiffen. He thought the reaction was funny. Grabbing the front of his clothing he joined their lips. Instead of his youkai flipping out in protest, it disapproved but silently. Sesshomaru said nothing, his youkai getting giddy. He returned the kiss but said nothing as they continued. Inuyasha had started as a joke, expecting the youkai to pull away at some point but became nervous as they continued. Eventually he could feel all his mate under his weight. When he looked at Sesshomaru he could see that his eyes were tinged with youki.
Sesshomaru caressed his face and kissed him again. This made the hanyou nervous. He found himself straddling his mate as they continued to kiss. His youkai was tense, but his body felt good. Sesshomaru was extremely attractive, and he wanted to touch him. He could feel the youkai's hands exploring his body. The sensations were going straight to his hardening cock. He couldn't help but roll his hips to get a bit of friction. Sesshomaru's moved to kiss his chin and neck, sucking and leaving marks before licking his mating mark. He couldn't help the keening moan that left his mouth because of that. Sesshomaru continued, hands moving to remove his clothing, but he felt his mate's youkai's fear. It snapped him back to reality. He sighed and tried to soothe it, but it wasn't taking it well. His own youkai confused about why it was so fearful. It couldn't understand the separation between Inuyasha and his youkai. The hanyou was clearly ignoring it.
He pulled away, "I will see you later Inuyasha."
"W-what..?" Inuyasha mumbled in confusion as his mate stood and set him on his desk.
"I still have work to attend to." With that he took his leave, leaving a confused and furious hanyou.
Frustrated and pissed off, he went to his own rooms angrily and locked himself in. A storm had started almost immediately because of it. He didn't understand why his mate was so adamant about rejecting him. He thought that since his mate told him he didn't hate him that they could be closer and do more. His youkai was annoying him with its behavior too. Everything and everyone was annoying him, and he found himself pissed off about his memories once more as well. The incessant knocking of servants is what set him off though. He opened the door and shouted, "The next person who knocks on this fucking door will die! Leave me the fuck alone!" He slammed the door and sat on the floor by his bed but began to hyperventilate. He hated this too. The constant anxiety out of nowhere, he was upset and irritated. He could feel Sesshomaru's attention on him, he didn't want to see him either. "Fucking idiot." He mumbled to himself, climbing into his bed.
Sesshomaru was concerned with the report of his behavior. He didn't need the hanyou to start killing anyone because of a bad mood. He decided to send Masane to help him with the anxiety he was feeling. He could see the storm out of the window and hoped the hanyou would calm down with time to cool off. He was wrong. The storm continued for a week before the youkai decided to go see him. Masane had been ignored and since he rescinded permission to enter the hanyou's chambers without permission she couldn't go against the hanyou's wishes. At first, the storm was only wind, thunder, and lightning. Now it had been a raging storm that had begun to flood the nearby towns and villages. He needed him to calm down. He also hadn't been eating again which was bothering him.
"Inuyasha." He spoke as he knocked on the door. He didn't receive a response and opened the door with his strength, breaking the lock. He was worried about what he would find inside. It was dark, the curtains closed. He walked further in and into his mate's bedroom. The hanyou was nowhere to be seen which made him nervous, but he could sense him still. He followed him into the bathing chambers, his mate was sitting in the bath and only glanced back at him before scowling and turning back around.
"You said if I wanted to be alone, I could be alone here, why are you here? Don't you have work to do?" He said clearly very sour.
"Why are you starving yourself?" He asked as he came closer.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "I'm not. I'm not feeling food right now. Leave me alone."
Sesshomaru couldn't understand his behavior, but his own youkai began to huff and puff saying their mate felt rejected and he shouldn't have pushed him away. The youkai felt the feeling of being tormented coming back to him again. "Why are you upset?"
"Ugh…" The hanyou groaned and ignored him. "Just shut up already! God why couldn't you have been the one to disappear!?" He blurted out loud, clearly speaking to his youkai. He looked at Sesshomaru, "Can you leave already?"
"Are you really so upset that I stopped?" Sesshomaru asked. Inuyasha remained silent. "You're going to cause a famine because of such a petty reason?"
Inuyasha glared at him before standing and exiting the bath. He walked pass the youkai and dressed before leaving through the window, into the storm. Sesshomaru sighed and began to follow him. The storm began to worsen, and a few alarms went off. Inuyasha dropped in front of a building and went in, finding a spot and sitting down. He knew the youkai wouldn't come in here and was using it to his advantage. He already felt alone in the world, and he had a mate that made sure he knew he was on his own. He was soaking wet because of the storm and there weren't many servants here. He could sense Sesshomaru in front of the doors and wondered why he wouldn't enter this canteen. He thought it was weird for the king to be barred from a place.
Inuyasha stayed there for hours, realizing the youkai wasn't going anywhere. They could play this game. He made himself comfortable in a corner, even though servants were offering him chairs and things. Masane was eventually called as well but he just stared at her and ignored her questions. "Milord at least eat." She said offering food to him. The hanyou didn't want it though. He knew his mate wanted him to have his memories, but it didn't make sense for him to reject him solely because of that. When he'd done that, it made the hanyou feel terribly. As if he was trying to match up to someone who didn't exist, even if that person was him. If his memories never came back, would he continue to reject him? He was annoyed. He stayed in the canteen until Sesshomaru left and then returned to his rooms. The lock on his door still hadn't been replaced and he bathed and changed into dry clothes. He was tired after avoiding him, and tired of his youkai too.
The following days were much the same until the youkai had had enough. "Stop the rain Inuyasha!" He said, his hand tightening around his arm.
"Let me go! Asshole!" Inuyasha growled. Many servants began to hurry away.
"You are going to cause a kingdom wide famine! Are you really going to be the cause of so much death and chaos because I wouldn't sleep with you?" Sesshomaru snarled.
"THAT'S NOT WHY I'M MAD AT YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Inuyasha shouted at the top of his lungs. "You're a dick, and I fucking hate you! Let. Me. Go!" A twister came tearing through part of the castle causing the hanyou's eyes to widen at the destruction it was causing.
"I just rebuilt this castle, and I will not have you destroying it again!" Sesshomaru growled. "Stop the storm now Inuyasha. Now!"
"Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do!? Fuck you!" Inuyasha felt himself get more and more annoyed especially because of his youkai's fear. He didn't even know how to stop it; he wasn't controlling it.
"I am your mate and the king of these lands!" Sesshomaru growled.
"You don't act like it! And I don't give a fuck about these lands! What'd you even do to get them!? Exist!? Let them fucking burn for all I care!" Inuyasha shouted, lightning crashing down and setting a tree alight. "Ugh!" Inuyasha tried freeing himself again. However, Sesshomaru held firm, but he felt accosted. Those words had been spoken before…in a different context but all the same. He didn't want this to end like it had before, so he did his best to swallow himself and his ire.
"Why are you upset then Inuyasha?" His calm questioned threw the hanyou off. "Do not punish people because you are angry with me. Instead of stewing you should have just spoken to me about it."
"It's not like you'd care!" Inuyasha continued to try and free himself, even kicking out at the youkai but he just wouldn't let him go. He just wanted to be upset, he didn't want to talk about the complicated and hurt feelings he had surrounding himself and Sesshomaru. His youkai was screeching at him to release their mate before his tight grip hurt him. Sesshomaru took a sobering breath before gently loosening his hold.
"I wouldn't ask if I did not care, nor would I even be here." Sesshomaru spoke coldly, but Inuyasha just stormed away from him the storm worsening. The youkai felt like there was no winning with the hanyou. Again, he wondered if he should have just continued like he wanted. He looked outside, this ability, a known tragedy. He wouldn't even have this ability had it not been for his actions.
His staff already had his orders, and he followed his mate. Inuyasha had gone back to his rooms, and he came in and sat in the sitting area. He was sure the hanyou was in the bathroom once more and just sat and waited. It took a while, but he finally exited and glared when he saw him. "Why are you mad at me Inuyasha?" He asked. Inuyasha didn't say anything and went into his bedroom. Then he gasped and Sesshomaru went to him quickly, feeling his mate disappear. He hated this night.
"Ugh fuck…" He groaned; he was halfway into the bed.
Sesshomaru came to help the hanyou turned human. The storm stopped though and he felt like he could sigh in relief. Inuyasha however, rejected his help and climbed in, facing away from him. He felt the bed dip down as Sesshomaru sat next to him. "I'm sorry mate." Inuyasha said nothing, he hated being human the most. "If the situation from before is not why you've been upset with me, then I don't know what I've done to earn your ire recently. Have I said something that was not to you liking?" His mate didn't move. "Was it something I did then?" His mate remained silent and curled up where he lay. The youkai stood and removed a few outer layers before joining his mate in bed.
"What the fuck!?" Inuyasha exclaimed, trying and failing to push him away with his human strength.
"Was what I said truly so terrible that you would rather ignore me than speak to me like an adult? I've never known you to be a coward mate." Inuyasha frowned, there were many reasons he hated being human, the emotions were a big one. He thought about how Sesshomaru would treat him kindly then reaffirm the boundary and distance between them, as if he was waiting for some lost lover to return and didn't want to get attached. He hated it. He felt like 2nd place and the fact that his youkai was fearful of him didn't help. It'd calmed down some but still became very wired when Sesshomaru was near and worse if he was upset with him. He found himself squished to the youkai's bare chest. He wished he had his fangs.
Everything was silent for a while and then Inuyasha spoke, "…what's the point of being nice to me and stuff just to push me away all the time. We're mates and yet I feel like I'm in 2nd place." Sesshomaru could hear the slight quiver in his voice, "You always make it about my memories…what if I never get them back…are you going to keep pushing me away…even though we're mated am I gonna be 2nd to who I was before forever?"
Before he responded Sesshomaru took in his words, it was interesting. "There is no 1st or 2nd. In fact, I prefer your current personality to the original. You are the same person, but you are missing too much, and I don't wish to do anything to upset you in the event that you do regain your memories. If you never receive them, then that will be that. There's no helping it, but that isn't the current situation. Do you understand?"
Inuyasha frowned, he did understand. He thought about the memories his youkai had shown him. Particularly the one where he was screaming that he'd never want to be mated to Sesshomaru. He wondered why, especially when his mate seemed to be everything someone could want. Was his mate really such an awful person…? Or was he the one that was awful? "Yeah…okay…" He mumbled. Did he even want those memories? What could make him see the youkai, anyone, in such a light. He thought to ask Sesshomaru, but he wasn't sure how he would react. Ultimately, he decided not to and drifted off in the youkai's arms, free from the anxiety of his youkai.