"H-hello?" she squeaked. "Is-is anyone there?"
Frantically, the king gathered the others and relayed the plan to them.
"Alright boys, here is the plan. There are seven of us, and one of her, so if we surround her, and one of us catches her from behind, we will be able to use her for leverage. It's foolproof! Now come on. This is our chance to begin our futures!"
Taking their positions, they awaited in the shadows for their victim who inched closer and closer as her bare feet skid across the filthy alley pavement.
Looking about her, the cold and rain drenched woman took in her surroundings, and as silently as she could, continued on in the alley way of Crime Alley. Since she walked passed the alley, she had a sneaking suspicion that she was being watched by something, and whatever it was, it stunk like a rotten corpse that even people miles away could smell. She had no idea what she was expecting, but curiosity had certainly gotten the better of her in those moments.
"I know someone is here," she said. "So save us both the trouble and come out."
No answer.
"Of course," she muttered and shook her head.
Just then, she heard a light mutter coming from behind her. Turning with a jolt, all she could see was nothing but darkness, and anther muter to be silent was heard.
"Alright. Whoever you are," declared the woman. "I'm giving you three seconds to come out of the shadows. So are you a man, or a mouse?"
Realizing that their cover had been blown, the culprit of the sounds came forward and revealed themselves. Side by side were the two costumed criminals Black Sheep and DJ Forks.
"I'm neither. I'm a sheep!" Black Sheep proudly declared as he puffed out his chest, and all DJ Forks did was reply with an overconfident and exaggerated, "Yeahuh!"
Soon, the woman looked about her and found that any chance to escape was vacant. For all around her were seven costumed criminals, each with their own weapons drawn towards her, though it didn't take her long to realize that she was in no real danger of being hurt by any of them. The dirty little man held a rubber knife loosely in his hands, the sheep man was sporting a plastic light up wand which had apparently run out of batteries, the man in the polka-dotted spandex held two paper circles in his hands, while the man with the ridiculous fork get up held forks in his hands, the man with the crazy moustache held a large comb staff, and man whose head looked more like a pickle held up two soakers filled with condiments. Meanwhile the man in the yellow and red outfit held up his fists and smirked at her.
"Now my little pretty," said the pickle man. "I know it's going to be a tad difficult to ketchup on your current pickle, or perhaps you're buttering up a way to get out of this jam. But I'm afraid that you won't be able to mustard the chance to get out of it. Now relish in your surrender, and cower before the might of the Losers!"
All the woman did in response was remove her hood as her wet hair stuck to her face. Yet even through the wetted matt of raven hair, even the blind could see that she was fighting off a look of both confusion, and hysteria. Moving her wet bangs, she then looked around her once more; taking in her company. Then much to the wannabe super criminal's shock, she started to laugh.
"Hey!" cried the Penny Plunderer. "What's so funny?!
The hostage fought off her laughter and breathed heavily, and wiped a tear from her eyes. Regaining her own poster, she looked towards the Plunderer and replied that the team were what they were laughing at.
"And what's so funny about us?" sneered the Signal Man.
"Really? Do I spell it out for you?" asked the arched browed woman, gasping for breath as the storm of giggles had long passed.
"Yo! You bettah stop dat forkin bull!" cried DJ, as Black Sheep chimed in.
"Yeah! We're gonna be the greatest crime team in all of Gotham! Then we're gonna live together with the folks of Happy Sheepy Town and be the bestest town in the world!"
What remained of her humor, turned into bewilderment, and slight embarrassment; for them. These guys truly think that they're going to be great criminals. All she could do then is pinch the bridge of her nose and shake her head; muttering under her breath that they could not be serious. When the Polka-dot man asked her to say what she means to say, or he would destroy her with his dots of doom, the irritated hostage let them have a piece of her mind.
"Alright fine! You want me to explain myself?! I'll gladly do it, Hell, I'll do it so loud that I hope the whole damn world will hear it!"
The seven were taken back by the small woman's sudden outburst, but nothing were would prepare them for the verbal thrashing that they would receive One by one, she gave them all a painful ounce of reality, and she hoped that they would choke on it all. Starting with Black Sheep.
"You, are nothing but a fat pathetic man-child whose obsessed with a cartoon made for BABIES! I wouldn't be surprised if parents all across the city filed predator charges against you!"
Black Sheep's face turned red at the insult; well all of them. Before he could utter a response, the woman continued.
"Wait! Don't tell me! You're just gonna cry and bitch that I'm just a troll right?! Well stop! I know your little game, I've seen the news! Oh and about that crazy ass crap about Woolsville or whatever the hell it's called being real, you can't be serious! News flash moron, IT'S A CARTOON! GROW! THE! HELL! UP!"
As Black Sheep cried, her attention then drew to Moustache.
"You are a failed barber who has a face hair fetish, and would comb your stupid lip bush when you wouldn't even notice if you got shot! So if you love your stupid fuzz so much, why don't you shave it off and marry it?!"
Mr. Moustache was gobsmacked. All he could do was gaps, and cup his hand over his heart, as though the irate woman had stabbed a knife in his heart as she vented even further. One would swear that the water around her was beginning to boil.
"On top of that," she continued. "Why does EVERYONE need a moustache?! The closest thing women want to get to a moustaches is when we kiss a man. But what's worse, kids with a moustache?! THAT IS GROSS, CREEPY, AND STUPID, LIKE YOU! Oh, and one more thing, THAT MOUSTACHE LOOKS LIKE A FAT CATERPILLAR!"
Stuttering was all Moustache could do. How dare this woman says such nonsense to him, and how dare she insult his moustache.
Signal man could only laugh at the miserable state of his teammates, and sighed loudly as he caught his breath.
"I told you so."
Those four words would serve as a death sentence for Cobb, when their rain drenched ranter caught them and quite literally snapped her head toward Phil.
"Oho! You ain't getting off either buddy boy!" she said, pointing at him.
All the color drained from his face when she stomped toward him, anger filling her eyes, and each stomp scattered the rain water from under her feet. All he felt from her was pure hatred spewing from her eyes as they locked onto his very own. Old Cobb didn't notice in his fear, but the woman's eyes for a split moment had changed from her gorgeous brown, into a pale blue which shinned in the dark alley.
"So, your gimmick. Signals," she said in an alarmingly calm demeaner as she repeatedly took deep breaths. But her breathing did nothing to alter the glare of rage she carried when she ripped the heads off of the others.
"Just signals, huh? Basically mere giveaways to your crimes, in comparison to actual clues and riddles. You just tell Batman and Robin what the hell you're doing in such a braindead fashion, that even the BLIND COULD SEE COMING!
Cobb practically jumped out of his skin at her sudden outburst. Oh lord, here she goes.
"Not to mention, your outfit looks like a bunch of toddlers drew all over it. WITH THEIR FEET! But I can't expect much from a poor idiot who thought that this whole idea would have given respect from other criminals! What a pitiful fantasy you crafted, Phil!"
"Yo!"
Her brows had furrowed inward while a roll of her eyes followed shortly before a groan of frustration. The woman turned her head to see DJ Fork had apparently wanted a piece of her mind. With a fork in his hand, DJ was acting a though he was ready for a war he was inevitably going to lose hideously.
"Yo biatch! What's yo forkin deal?!"
"You! bitach!" she yelled back, snapping her fingers. "Yo my forkin deal! Yo da forkin cause of my new forkin headache! Yo a forkin dumbass, with a worse forkin outfit!"
"Whoa whoa babe! No need to go that far-k."
"OH COME ON!" she yelled!
Dj Forks screamed at her outburst as he dropped his fork on the floor. In his mind, he wondered what he did wrong, and why she was so mad.
"YOU'RE SO STUPID THAT YOU WOULD MAKE A FORK PUN WITH A WORD THAT DOESN'T HAVE FORKIN K! AHH! GODDAMN IT! NOW YOU HAVE ME DOING IT!"
"Hey. you don't haver to insult by puns," squeaked the DJ.
"Oh yes I do!" the woman shouted. "I have so much of a right to knock sense into your empty skull! No, I stand corrected, your skull isn't empty."
Able to find his confidence again, Forks puffed out his chest and smiled.
"Yeahuh! That's right sugah! DJ Forks has-"
"A POOR BENT AND RUSTY FORK FOR A BRAIN!" she shouted, quickly shutting the DJ up as fast as he started talking.
"I mean, it makes perfect sense! Why else would a loser like you be so obsessed with forks! Forks! It's one thing to be obsessed with knives, you could have just picked the love the silverware that cause the most fatalities in this city! BUT NO! FORKS! THE VERY THING THAT YOU CHOSE YOUR JOB OVER! I'm not even gonna address your stupid clothes! They just speak for themselves and are the perfect reflection to your lack of sense in fashion, common, and anything else that I missed."
She breathed in deeply once more as the DJ cowered away and hid behind the weeping Black Sheep, when she was assaulted by the very hideous odor which drew her attention, causing her eyes to water, and gasp for breath as she keeled over. Whatever it was, it was close to her, and it made her want to vomit now. Coughing like mad, she was then suddenly greeted by something digging into the pockets of her jacket. Her eyes shot open wide, before she turned her head to the homeless man digging into her coat. With one clear of her throat, the Plunderer seized his digging and locked eye with the woman who glared right into his very soul.
"What. Are. You. Doing?" she sneered through her teeth.
Under her gaze, he stuttered and spread his horrendous breath into her face. It took all of her will power to not throw up, and to punch him so hard, her fist would have gone through the back of his head.
"Um...Uh...Looking. For pennies?" he shrugged, baling away from their trapped victim who had surely damaged their confidence.
She rose back to her feet, but not once did her gaze leave Coyne's.
"So, you're the one who smelt as though something died. A dead animal who was bathed in raw sewage, covered in cow pies, sprinkled with sour milk, wrapped in a blanket made out of a three month dead deer, and was left to marinate on the largest trash pile in the Gotham dump, in the hot sun!"
Before he could even think of saying a word, he had beaten Coyne to the punch.
"Aside from horrid hygiene, What was your thing again? Oh right. Pennies, the most useless coin on the face of the Earth! A coin so worthless, that you could find one on the side of the street, the coin where the only unique thing you can do with it is crush it up at the Gotham Zoo, and make an animal coin! Come on! Pennies for God sakes! The one thing that from I heard from the news, you despise! WHY WOULD CENTER YOUR CRIMES ON THE ONE THING YOU HATE THE MOST?! JUST WHY?! Don't you think that this is counter intuitive?!"
"But I..."
"Of course you didn't!" she interrupted.
Putting his hand in his pocket, Coyne looked at the pennies in his hand and proceeded to open his mouth. Nervous eating one would say, but to their victim, it was even more evidence on how disgusting this man truly was. In a flash she approached the man, and slapped the pennies out of Coyne's hand. Each copper coin fell onto the rain drenched floor, and was followed by a cry of despair from their owner.
"And stop eating them! That's disgusting, and for all we know, dangerous!" she shouted.
"Hahaha! You tell them peasant!"
That shout made her pinch the bridge of her nose, and shake her head.
"Oh God," she muttered, before turning her gaze to the leotard wearing nutcase.
"These pathetic worms are not worthy of being called criminals! Not when compared to the arch-nemesis to the Caped Crusader, the only man who can give the Dark Knight the greatest battle of all time! Me! The mighty Polka-dot Man!"
Silence filled the alley as all present looked to one another as the deranged Krell stood there tall and proud, as though he was basking in the glory which was evidently nowhere to be found. The silence was then replaced by a loud wet smack which echoed all through the alley. As quick as a flash, the woman approached the prideful doofus and struck him hard on the right side of his face. The others stared on in shock, that someone barely as tall as Coyne was able to move so fast. Krell cried in pain, and held onto his stinging cheek. Looking up to his assaulter with bewilderment and malice. How could someone like her move so fast, and how was it possible for someone of her size was able to hit him so hard. It was almost as if his cheek was set on fire, or stung by one of the most dangerous insects in the world.
"The mighty Polka-dot Man huh?" she asked as she crossed her arms. "All I see is a mighty doofus who had one acid too many."
If Polka-dot Man wasn't insulted before, he would have been now. He had never done such drugs in his life.
"I did not," he merely replied.
"Spots, I'm pretty sure you have been on something to think of such a stupid idea." replied the woman.
Abner replied that he had not once been on drugs and that his statement was true. That he was truly Batman's archenemy and all other villains were a joke compared to him, but was slapped again on the other side of his face with the same amount of force. He held onto the other side of his face and was about to cry, when he too had received the same echoing screams as his teammates.
"WAKE THE HELL UP!" she cried.
"The worst thing you have ever done was rob a convenient store! But what's worse is that the owner, a 62 year old woman, held you in a choke-hold until you were arrested by Bullock, and Montoya. Then you tried to hit them with a baseball bat, and got beaten by it!"
"What?!" cried the Polka-dot Man in defiance. "Are you insane?!"
"Me?! Insane?! You, the one who quit his job as a mail man because of some stupid hallucination that he can become "the world's greatest criminal" by going around in a kids pajama set, armed with a broken baseball bat, and two paper circles. A man who had his own mother paint the dots on because he couldn't even be bothered to do it himself! And you have the gall to call he insane?! HA! That's hilarious!"
"No!" defied the Polka-dot Man. "My costume is a piece of advanced technology! It was Granted to me by..."
"IF YOU EVEN SAY THE WORD ALIENS, I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" she shouted, Making Abner curl his lips inward.
"THERE ARE NO SUIT GIVING ALIENS! THERE ARE NO SUPERNATURAL DOTS! AND YOU'RE NOT A SUPERVILLAIN! HELL, YOU HAVE NEVER MET BATMAN! NOT ONCE! YOU ARE JUST A POOR IDIOT WHO WAS DROPPED ON HIS HEAD WHEN HE WAS A BABY, FROM A TREE!
The Condiment King, who stood aside as his team was verbally assaulted and physically assaulted by their former victim, had quite enough of the woman's ranting and decided that now it was time to act. Sneaking up from behind, he drew his condiment pistols and drew them to the right side of her head.
"Alright Missy!" he sneered. "I've had quite enough of your horseradish! Now, here is the what is going to go down."
She closed her eyes tightly as she breathed deeply through her nose. Her breathing had become loud enough that none could here to low animalistic growl that had emerged from her. Turning her head slowly, The enraged hostage looked toward Mayo who held his guns at her very face.
"To put it simply, you are going to be our hostage, and you're gonna the crucial ingredient in the defeat of the Batman! Once he is gone, we will prove once and for all that the Losers are the prominent force of crime in Gotham City! Now my dear, what will it be? Mustard, or Ketchup?"
All the others began cheering their leader on. By now they were sure that they had their victim right where they wanted her. Even the prideful Polka-dot Man was cheering on his rival. Perhaps the Condiment King was the right choice as the leader after all. With a hostage in their pocket, there was hope for the Losers after all. Or so they believed.
By now, their cornered beauty was full enough of their crap, and grabbed both of Mitchell's arms and held them high into the air. What greeted Mayo next was sharp pain within his stomach as her knee made contact with it. He was knocked from breath as the others looked on with shock on their faces. Down onto his knees the Condiment king fell as he held onto his stomach and fought hard to regain his breath. By now, Mayo was coughing like mad, and all were certain that there were small pieces of blood which he was coughing out as she woman huffed loudly and shook her head.
"You know what?" she sighed. "I'm not gonna waste anymore of my energy on a loser like you. A poor sap who gathered all of these doofuses for some stupid dream that is never going to happen in a million years. I have much more important things to do, and it doesn't involve any of you morons."
Nothing more did she say, as she pushed every member of the Losers away to the walls as she stormed away from them, desiring nothing more to be out of the alley, and as far away from the idiots who inhabited it, and from the coughing man who slowly regained his voice.
"Hey..." Mayo said weakly with Moustache seeing to his leader's well-being. "Somebody...stop...her."
It would be none other than Black Sheep who answered the call, and with his plastic wand in hand, he cried for their only chance for the top to halt in her tracks, or he will have no other choice but to cast a spell on her. The only response he received was,
"Cast away honey, cast away."
"Aright! I warned you mean lady! Abracadabra!"
No magic had come from the sheep man-child. But there did come the use of a plastic wand as he threw it at the woman. The hard plastic was thrown at her with enough force that the very tip of the large wand struck her on the head, causing to physically wince in pain as she held onto her head, fiercely rubbing it to ease the pain.
"Yay!" cried Black Sheep. "I stopped her! I really am magic! In your face Flashlight man!" Cobb rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth. "It's the Signal man!"
As Black Sheep cheered in delight, the woman, whose eyes were shut tight, breathed heavily as the pain faded away. Her hands closed in tightly, and shook with rage. Her breathing grew heavier and heavier as she gritted her teeth hard, and another growl rose from her throat.
"Now let me bring her back, with another spell!" cheered Sheep. "A spell that the savior of the Losers..."
"Just shut up and bring her back will ya?!" yelled Cobb.
Black Sheep gulped hard and proceeded to do as he was told. But first he needed his wand back and utter another spell in an effort to command the enraged girl to bring it back, yet little did he realize that she had already begun to of reach for the toy as he uttered his next spell.
"Presto!" he exclaimed.
He had not once payed attention to her already reaching for the wand, all Black Sheep saw was her already grabbing it, and held it on both of her hands The large star of the wand held firmly in her grasp. He cheered again and cast one more spell to bring her back.
"Alakazam!"
Once again to his childish joy, she stomped her way back to the group, breathing heavily, her hands shaking, and her teeth gritting from side to side.
"See?" said Black Sheep with a grin on his face. Magic is..."
'Crack'
Black Sheep was the first to turn back at the sound of crackling plastic as the many pieces of his wand fell to the floor, broken like a jigsaw puzzle in the hands of a toddler. The other pieces were thrown into the ground without a single ounce of a care as the wand's keeper stood firm in her place, still breathing heavily and shaking.
"NO!" cried Black Sheep. He fell to his knees before the woman's bare feet, and his gathered as many pieces of his wand as he could. Tears fell from his eyes like waterfalls while the others watched on in embarrassment, and a mutter from Signal Man that it was just a toy.
"MY WAND! MY BEAUTIFUL WAND! Black Sheep sobbed.
Enraged, he stared up to the woman and angrily cried out, "HOW COULD YOU?! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IF MY WAND IS DESTROYED, I CAN'T CAST MY MAGIC SPELLS?!"
His rage only grew when she had not responded to him, but only stood with her eyes shut tight, and tears of her own beginning to fall from her cheeks.
"Yeah!" said Black Sheep with a smile at the sight of the tears of their victim and rose up to his feet. "You better cry! I bet you feel real bad right now huh?! You mean hater! You know you're gonna have to..."
"Shut. Up." she sneered through her teeth. But the man-child kept pressing on, now angry again at the fact that she would dare tell him to stop talking after she broke his wand.
"Oh yeah?! Make me!"
What was once a face of anger, soon grew into something quite terrifying for the Losers, as one side of her lips slowly turned upward, followed with low growl of a horrid beast. Soon all seven looked upon their victim with growing fear, as she did nothing else for a short while, until she opened her eyes, revealing piercing blue orbs where her brown ones use to be, and a solemn word passed through her lips, revealing her teeth which had grown sharper.
"Gladly."