I4.6
Chapter 29: Crush
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Adult themes. DO NOT read if you are underage or dislike controversial things.
Author's Note: What an emotional roller coaster of a morning Richard is having. He's on tense ground with every Titan in the Tower. Gee, I wonder why?
Years ago, when Richard first became the leader of his team, he was most concerned with proving himself in the present. He had kept his eyes trained on his mentor and his ultimate goal of becoming a powerful member of the Justice League. To be as powerful as those demigods are the things that his dreams were made of. In his youth, he had visions of grandeur and of a smiling Bruce, patting him on the shoulder for a job well done. For a crisis averted. In those fantasies, he stood tall, proud and full of the self-assured confidence of a leader.
Alone.
Always alone. Never before had he contemplated the presence of another. Someone who was capable of standing beside him without outshining him. For the first time, in a long time, he wondered how lonely it might be at the top. When he was younger, he thought that maybe he could do things differently than Bruce had done. It was clear to anyone who dared to take a closer look that the Dark Knight was not "happy." He is work driven and cares about the makeshift family that he has created, but there is clearly something missing in his life that no amount of money would ever be able to fix. The thought of a future similar to his adoptive father never bothered him much. It was a price that he was willing to pay to be recognized and idolized in the way the world did Bruce Wayne. In the way they trembled at the name of Batman. Richard wanted that for himself and is willing to do just about anything to get it. Willing to sacrifice just about anyone to get it.
Now, as he stands here in the Titan's state of the art kitchen, trying to bring his eyes to meet tear soaked green ones, he thinks: what were the odds that he could find a woman who understands his needs, desires and goals? Who understands him? He had thought that he found that woman in Starfire. He had convinced himself that she could be the one he needed. She checked off all of the boxes. Her wavy red locks are thick and luscious. They're perfect for running his fingers through after a long day. Her green eyes sparkle like precious gems in the morning light. Their beauty is only enhanced by the glistening of her unshed tears. The skin of her cheeks are pulled taunt in her state of distress at what she just witnessed. Her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth. Biting so hard that she's about to draw blood. There was a time when Richard would have run to her in this moment of distress and tried to figure out ways to make it better for her. Just for her. There was a time when the vision before him would have stirred his lust into a frenzy because she looks so vulnerable. He had envisioned being her personal savior. Now, she just looks like work. The hem of her shirt is trapped in a vice like grip as she tugs on it. He's half surprised that she hasn't ripped it yet. He's even more surprised by the words that leave his mouth.
"Don't look so surprised, Starfire. You already knew this was coming," he says to the beautiful alien standing in the kitchen doorway. It occurs to him that he should be kinder. It crosses his mind that he should act a bit guilty. However, he doesn't have it in him to tip toe around this anymore. It's time to strike the final nails into the coffin of her friendship with his beloved Rachel. He needs to distance Starfire from both himself and his love interest.
"Robin…" comes a soft reply from the princess. She is desperately trying to come to terms with what she just saw while rationalizing it all away.
"Yes, Star?" he asks equally as quietly as her. He keeps one eye on her as he makes his way to the kitchen's freezer. He pulls out a bag of frozen peas and quickly turns back to his subordinate. He's wary of keeping his back to her for too long. Even though she has not fully recovered from the effects of I4.6, her monstrous strength can still do some damage. That, and he was pretty sure that Rachel wouldn't be willing to heal him after the morning and moment she had.
Richard has to suppress a chuckle at that thought. If he came to her now with Starfire inflicted injuries, Rachel would probably tell him that he deserves it and melt away into the shadows. He wraps the bag of peas in a towel and gingerly presses it against his cheek with a wince. Such a small woman, such a powerful slap. As much as he would like to deconstruct and analyze that interaction, he has to deal with an equally powerful woman before him. One who wouldn't pull her punches for fear of hurting him.
"How long?" breaks the silence between the two.
Richard finds himself frowning because he doesn't quite know how to answer that. It's only been about 2 weeks since he's started acting on his desires for Rachel, but the truth is that this has been a long time coming. Everyone knew that the two birds share a special bond, but most people wrote that relationship off as platonic since he had been so tied up with Starfire. He and Rachel are tethered to one another in the most intimate way possible. They share a mental link that neither one of them knows how to break. That link has always put Star on edge. No woman wants to think that her lover is attached to someone else who isn't familial. It would be so easy to write this off as a byproduct of that bond, but this...this was there before that incident.
With a deep, tired sigh, he responds with the truth, "Years. I guess…"
His sentence is abruptly cut off when his head snaps to the right. There is an intense ringing in his right ear. Richard drops the bag of frozen peas so that he can hold on to the table in an attempt to stay upright. He saw her raise her hand, he watched as her long, slender fingers opened and witnessed her open palm approaching his face with lightning speed. Every muscle in his thoroughly trained body wanted to move out of the way, but Richard forced himself to sit still. He owed her this much. Their "romance" wasn't always so one sided. There was a time where he was actively interested in the alien princess and would have done just about anything to have her as his partner. He never really told her when his interest cooled or when his gaze shifted and started really focusing on the team's empath. He had kept her in a state of limbo with some moments of affection that fueled his ego. In this particular moment, Richard is acutely aware of the fact that he is not a good person.
"How dare you!" she yells. Her body is visibly shaking as she tries to contain her rage and Richard is secretly very glad that she is still recovering from the effect of I4.6. Otherwise, he would have lost a head. His wayward thoughts are snapped back into focus as she continues, "how dare you do this to me! After all of the years that we've spent together?! Y...you have the nerve to cheat on me with her?"
She is spitting venom from between her teeth when she refers to Rachel and Richard frowns in response. He wants to defend his beloved, but at the same time he knows that he must tread carefully. He needs to make it clear where his interests lay while also pushing the blame on Rachel. That is the only way to severe this friendship that has outlived its usefulness.
"Cheat?" he questions, "We were never really 'official' in the first place. I can't cheat on someone that I'm not with."
Starfire is left standing there; speechless. Her plump mouth is hanging open in utter disbelief at what he just said. However, she can't quite refute it, either. They have talked in the past about what a romantic relationship would look like for them and how it would affect the team's dynamics. She was all for it because she truly believed that he would be her knight in shining armor. That Richard would be the perfect boyfriend for her and satisfy her every desire. They would look like the perfect couple in the public's eyes. Richard was always skeptical because there were moments where she didn't seem genuine. Her bubbly character was cute and endearing in the beginning, but after a while he started noticing cracks in it. Especially when she didn't get her way. Both he and Rachel just wrote it off as her being a spoiled princess, but even then, Richard couldn't let it go.
"Is this how you always felt, friend Robin?" she asks with extra emphasis on the word friend. "Why are you trying to hurt me like this?"
There were tears in her eyes while her hands were balled up into fists. He could tell that she didn't know what to think or feel in this moment. There is rage, no doubt, and she has every right to feel that. Now, he needs her to redirect that rage away from him and towards Rachel. He needs Starfire to completely destroy that friendship so that his beloved will seek solace in him. She couldn't very well go to Beastboy because they are both at odds with one another. Cyborg is also on the fence about her behavior towards his best friend. Richard still doesn't have clear answers about what the two of them have done in the past, but it is pretty obvious that the changeling has been sharing details of his love life with his metal companion. That only leaves him. Richard is confident that she will come to him seeking solace at the loss of another friendship that she's worked so hard to build.
"Starfire," he softly says, even as the pain in both his cheeks intensify, "I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Least of all you. I don't know how to explain this, but the way I feel towards Rachel is genuine love. It's just different. And when she admitted to loving me too, all I could think about is what our future would look like."
"Robin...is this...is this because I tried to help BB break into your computer?" she asks with tears in her eyes. "I told you that I didn't know it was yours! I wouldn't have helped him if I knew that!"
My, my, Richard thinks, where did all the cutesy broken English go? These are the clearest sentences that Starfire has ever spoken to him. He had always thought that her jumble of words couldn't possibly reflect her intellect. Besides, she's been living on Earth for years. At this point, he knew she had to be more fluent than she let on. This moment, and other moments like these, just prove his hypothesis true. If she can't be honest about something as simple as her speech patterns then what else is she not honest about?
"This has nothing to do with that, Star," Richard responds as he picks up the fallen bag of peas and gingerly presses it against his new injury. "These feelings that I have for Rachel have been here for years. They've always been here. I've just been ignoring them."
He watches as her eyes narrow at his revelation. Now is the time to strike and before she can respond, he quickly interjects with "In the beginning, I thought that she was just being overly friendly when she would flirt with me. I just thought that she didn't have much experience at interacting with men and wrote it off as her being naive. After a while, I realized that I liked it when she would touch me. Hug me. And then she told me that she loved me and that's when I knew she was the one for me. Not you, Star."
Richard found himself experiencing grim, sadistic pleasure at watching his teammate's face darken as her brain absorbed all that he said. He was careful to make it sound as though Rachel was the active agent. There was no way he was about to tell Starfire about the way he caressed his beloved's legs last night. He can feel his fingers twitch as he remembers the velvety smoothness of her thighs beneath his hands. He can still hear her moans and groans of appreciation as he gently kneaded at the sore spots along her shapely legs. He can recall how loudly his heart was beating in his ears as his hands trailed dangerously close to the sweet junction between her thighs. It took an incredible amount of will power to not run his questing fingers along the seam of her tight entrance. Instead, he chose to help make her more comfortable by removing her shorts so that she can settle in better. It's what a good friend should do. It's what a good lover would do. Therefore, it's what he did.
Richard is pulled out of his reminiscing just in time to move out of the way as Starfire proceeds to splinter the kitchen table in half in a fit of rage. He watches in awe as his normally jolly teammate bellows "That BITCH! She was seducing you this whole time!"
He found himself agreeing with her. There had been no sexy lingerie or overly suggestive actions on Rachel's part, but that doesn't mean she didn't ensnare him, none the less. She did it without even trying. It started small and innocuous enough. Small conversations that blossomed into deeper debates about life, love, justice and happiness. He had found himself seeking her out more and more of his own accord to just enjoy time with her. What started out as an infiltration mission on his part, quickly became a necessary break from everyone and everything else. When he is tired, he would seek Rachel for comfort. When he is stressed, he would find her, where ever she might be. When he is confused, he would use her as a sounding board to bounce off his ideas. Trusting in her knowledge and wisdom to guide him into making the best decisions for himself and his team. He hadn't realized, until very recently, that all of his roads lead him right back to his beloved. A part of him is concerned by his dependence on Rachel to keep him sane and balance, but he, honestly, couldn't think of a better person to be dependent on for these types of things.
"There wasn't much seduction involved," Richard gently pushes back as he scratches the back of his head. He wasn't sure how to put all of this in words that Starfire would understand. "She...she just made it so that I can't live without her…"
"Ha!" Starfire bitterly laughs, "I knew she couldn't be trusted. Especially after she told me that she had a crush on you. Of course, she secretly went after you while my back was turned!"
Come again? Thinks Richard. Richard had been in the process of backing away from the angry princess as her rage seem to be getting the best of her, but that new bit of information made him stop in his tracks. When did Rachel have a crush on me? And most importantly, does she still have a crush on me?
"When did she say that, Star?" Richard asks while not quite concealing his excitement at the idea that this might not be an uphill battle after all.
Starfire pauses in her actions and locks her eyes on his face. Richard watches as her vivid emerald eyes, full of anger and sadness, take in the lines and contours of his face. She had picked up on that glint of excitement in his voice, which had her stopping in her tracks. Richard can practically see the gears turning in her mind. She's trying to connect the pieces between what she knows and what she just witnessed between him and Rachel. He had no doubt that she saw the part where he had Rachel wrapped up in his arms. There was no way to explain that away as something that platonic friends do…because they don't.
Very slowly, she replies with "It doesn't matter, Robin."
She is refusing to give him what he wants. Richard is equal parts amused and annoyed. This is the first time that Starfire has denied him anything. She has always been willing to go with his flow. Even when she wanted more from him, from their relationship, she would never push it because she didn't want to risk upsetting him. Of losing him. She would always let him set the pace and follow his lead with no questions asked. Does she feel more embolden now that she knows that she's already lost him? Fine. He knows other ways to get under her skin.
"You're right, Star," he responds, just as slowly. "It doesn't matter anymore. She had a crush on me in the past, but, now, I know that she loves me because she said so herself."
"When?" the alien princess demands. "When did she tell you that she loves you?"
"Last night," Richard responds with confidence. "Three times, actually."
Richard watches as his red headed teammate winces and for the first time, he really feels bad about what he's doing to her. She didn't deserve for the news to be delivered in this type of way, but it is necessary to further his own goals. After all, the ends will always justify the means. He is also confident that Star will recover from this. She is young, beautiful and vibrant. Any man or other hero would be blessed to snatch her up and provide her with the kind of love and support she's looking for. Just not him. He's got his hands full with a moody empath who needs some time to come to terms with how she truly feels about him.
"Heh," she huffs in response and Richard feels his body tense as she steps closer to him. He wants to put more space between the two of them, but also knows that he needs to hold his ground. He stands still as Starfire lifts both of her hands up and gently cups his injured cheeks. The one she slapped is an angrier red than the one Rachel assaulted.
Her thumbs are gently stroking his swollen flesh as she whispers to the space between them, "You can't believe everything that she tells you, Robin. I know not, the spell that she has put you under, but I will not let her win."
Win? Is he a stuffed animal at the fair? There is no competition here. Richard has already chosen the one he wants to be with. His musings are interrupted when Star continues with "She doesn't love you like I do. And I know you love me to. I'm going to fight for you. For us."
Richard firmly grasps her wrists and pulls her hands away from his face. He genuinely feels bad for her when he responds with "There is no us."
This situation is starting to make him feel uncomfortable. He knew that this talk wasn't going to be easy because of the history that they have together and the hope that something could have blossomed between them. The truth is, he sees too much of himself in Starfire right now. Her desperate need to cling to him for support and reassurance is uncomfortably similar to the ways that he latches on to Rachel. The words she just whispered to him is something that he would have easily said to his beloved without regrets. Right now, his teammate is holding up a mirror that he would rather not look directly into. So, he does the only thing he can do by looking away.
"Don't let her…" she pleads, "...don't let her get between us, Robin. She doesn't care about you like I do. I know she doesn't. She has Beastboy!"
Richard can feel his mood sour at the mention of Beastboy's name. Rachel doesn't need the changeling when she has him. He can satisfy every need she could possibly have.
Richard pulls away from Starfire entirely before saying, "She doesn't have feelings for Beastboy like that."
"Don't be so sure, Robin," the alien princess counters, "They've been seeing more of each other for months...but I guess that didn't stop her from going after you."
Richard watches on as Starfire runs her fingers through her long, luxurious hair. Pulling at the roots as though she is at her wits end. As far as he's concerned this conversation is over, but his teammate is still half mumbling to herself and half speaking to him as she continues to rant, "she can't be trusted. Raven knows how I feel about you. She told me that she wasn't interested in you like that. Yet! Here we are. She must have been patiently waiting for her time to strike. How could she do this? I thought we were friends…"
"Starfire," Richard calls in a strong voice. He waits for his subordinate to respond and when her eyes finally land on him again, he continues with "I'm only interested in Rachel. She's the only woman for me and now that I know that she loves me, there is no future for us."
She blinks at him once...twice...on the third blink she explodes with "BULLSHIT! What happened to the not dating of teammates? Huh, Robin? You were always the one who was so strict about that policy. That's what you kept saying every time I asked you out on a date. What happened to that?"
Richard watches the normally composed young woman breathing heavily from her outburst and strong emotions. His brows furrow in response. How does he tell her that the only reason why he clung to that rule was because he knew, deep down inside, that he didn't want to be with her? While he knows that he needs to hurt Starfire in just the right way to make her stay away from Rachel, he didn't think it would be so hard to break someone else heart. It's not that he didn't love Star because he did, just not in the way she wanted him to. There is a part of him that wants to reach out to her and wipe her tears away. To ease the pained expression of sadness and desperation on her face. There was a time when he would have, but not today. Today he needed to be strong and resolute for Rachel and himself to have a chance.
He looks Starfire in the eyes as he says, "Some women are just worth breaking the rules for, Star."
There was something about that sentence that seemed to shatter whatever resolve the alien princess might have had. She sat down in the seat that he had vacated when she had splintered the kitchen table. Richard can feel his gut and his conscious wrenching at the sight and sound of her crying. Very rarely has he ever seen her this broken and the knowledge that it's because of him doesn't quite sit right with him. She isn't perfect, but she didn't deserve this either.
"I'm sorry, Star," Richard quietly says next to the hyperventilating young woman who he cares for. He consoles himself with the knowledge that she will get over this and move on to someone who is worthy of her love. As much as he wants to reach out to her and place a hand on her shoulder, he stops himself. The last thing someone wants is pity from the person who rejected them. So, Richard calmly leaves the beautiful woman crying at a broken kitchen table.
His mind is racing and his heart is pounding as he briskly walks down the hallway leading to his workroom. The command center for all of the Titan's major missions. He can't quite shake the feeling that he's done something irreversible just now. For as long as the Titans have been a team, both Rachel and Starfire have been consistent comrades. Pillars on which he can depend. Now, both of those strong, dependable young women are emotionally confused and pissed at him for one reason or another. He feels a little lost at sea with all of these whirlwind changes. The truth is that he hadn't wanted to confront Starfire about his relationship with Rachel just yet. He would have much more preferred to have his beloved tucked more firmly beneath his wing first. However, she arrived at the most inopportune time and witnessed something he would have preferred she hadn't. It's too late to turn back time now. What's done is done.
If Richard is lucky, Starfire will step back with grace and chose to not bother Rachel or seek out her friendship any longer. They will just drift apart from one another while he works to pull Rachel closer to him. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't be prepared for the chance that the pretty alien will want to exact some sort of revenge on Rachel. She did seem fairly convinced that his interest in the team's empath wasn't genuine and that she "stole" him away. Doesn't she realize that you can't steal something or someone who was never fully yours?
Even though Richard is regretful for breaking the news quite like that, he is excitedly clutching onto the revelation that Rachel might actually have similar feelings for him. He knows that there is no way that she would feel as passionately for him as he does for her...yet. However, he never would have guessed that there was a point where she saw him as more than just a friend. A giddy smile erupts across his handsome, swollen, face as he thinks a bit more deeply about the implications that might have on their interactions going forward. Richard already knows that he's going to spend much of tonight recounting his more "questionable" encounters with Rachel. Were those little blushes really from the awkwardness of certain conversations and situations? Was there something more beneath those lingering hugs and touches of affection? Her eagerness to heal him when he's injured?
No, that can't be the full truth of it. If she was so enamored with him then she wouldn't have been turning her gaze elsewhere. She wouldn't have had time to entertain the likes of Bryce or entangle herself with Beastboy. No, a crush is just a crush and she probably pushed those feelings down as deep as she could because she thought that he and Starfire were destined to be. Even so, if her affections for him are still present then he has every intention of resurrecting them and making them stronger. If they're no longer there, then he'll just have to forge new romantic attachments between the two of them. He'll do it from the outside in.
With those resolute thoughts, Richard makes his way to the closet at the side of his workroom. There are several Robin suits hanging neatly on hangers. He selects the first one that his hand lands on and quickly begins changing. Grimacing at how tight his crime fighting gear has become. The shoulders are constricting and it feels as though he can barely move in the armor enforced leggings. The gloves feel two sizes too small and the combat boots are pinching his big toes. It feels as though he has outgrown this suit. Maybe it was one of his older ones? Or maybe it was time to get new ones altogether? Either way, it doesn't matter. He just needs it for a video call.
Once dressed, Richard plops himself down in the comfy office chair and fires up the Tower's main computer. He casually surfs the web as he waits for Joseph Ricktor to call. The first thing Richard does is check his email like any sane, civilized working man. He notices that there is an email from the Titans East asking after Beastboy. He takes a minute to let them know that he has agreed to go and will be dispatched shortly. Richard is confident that Cyborg will be able to convince his friend to take the trip down there for a couple of weeks to cool his head. Even though this morning's confrontation was angry and heated, the changeling didn't outright refuse to leave. He might actually be itching for a way out of this negative space. If all goes as plan, then Beastboy will be out of the Tower by the end of tomorrow.
With that squared away, Richard turns his attention to his news feed. Those pictures of him and Rachel in the park are still trending hot topics in the gossip columns. The regular news cycle has since moved on but there is quite a large group of people who are adamant that Robrae is real and that the pair of love birds will be making their relationship public soon. Richard smiles as he scrolls through all of the comments and support that their "ship" is receiving from the public. Scattered here and there are nay sayers who believe that it's all false because his heart belongs to Starfire. However, the loudest voices are coming from the pot stirrers. The people who are foaming at the mouth with the thought of hot drama happening within such a cohesive and secretive Titan team. What would they have given to be a fly on his kitchen wall this morning? How would they react if they knew that his hands were all over Rachel's body last night? Would they squeal at the knowledge that she confessed her love for him, not once, but three separate times? Or would these random, faceless strangers throw hate their way because both birds have been predestined for someone else? Does any of that even matter?
Either way, Richard is pleasantly surprised and pleased that the public is mostly supportive of his relationship with Rachel. The fanfiction sites have also exploded with the revival of old stories and the creation of new ones revolving around the love birds. Fans are desperately trying to fill in the blanks with their own imagination. Some writers are attempting to pen the beginning of their relationship with their own unique twists and flavors. They focus so much on the team's earlier fights with various criminals as the starting point of their love affair. If they only knew how far from the truth they were. The team's bond was forged in the fires of intense training and combat, but the relationship between he and Rachel was conceived in the quieter, moonlit moments. It found fertile soil in the support that they offered to one another in their most desperate times of need. It grew and developed in those intimate memories of creating inside jokes and sharing deep thoughts they would never tell another soul. Rachel birthed it last night when she told him that she loves him. She made it real. This ran deeper than just fighting alongside a friend and Richard is willing to do everything in his power to make sure their love survives. Even if it means breaking apart a team that has outgrown its usefulness to him.
As he thinks about the ramification of his actions, Richard hears his computer beep, notifying him of an incoming video call. He quickly scans his background to make sure that nothing is out of place and that his mask is securely in place before accepting it. The image of a clean-cut, middle-aged man with a strong widow's peak appears on the screen. Joseph Ricktor is the man in charge of scheduling events for City Hall. He is the man that Richard needs to speak to in order to set up a press conference and sort out the security details.
"Good morning, Mr. Ricktor," Richard says with a slight nod. "I trust you already know why I asked to speak with you."
"I figure that it has to do with recently leaked pictures," he replies. When Richard nods his head again, Joseph continues with "are you sure you're camera ready? Your face is horribly swollen."
Rest assured readers who have asked! You will get Raven's pov in a more… "round about" way in the future. In the meantime, Dick is out here breaking hearts and scheduling play dates and what not.