There's something unsettling about Nathan Shelley, Rebecca decides.
She doesn't know if it's the way his nervousness was slightly grating, the way he slammed his hand and called Keeley a dithering kestrel or the disingenuous look in his eye through the whole thing.
Something to keep an eye on, something to warn Ted and Beard about as well. Possibly not Ted, she still hasn't worked out how the man sees the very best in just about every person he meets. She loves the man and his positive outlook has been such a blessing in her life but she can see how others could take advantage of him. Could see how it would colour his interactions with those who may not be as altruistic.
Beard however is much more pragmatic. She sincerely hopes that his loyalty to Ted includes coming to her behind his back if the need arises.
Why Rebecca chooses the match against Sheffield Wednesday to be the first one she brings Addy to, she'll never know. Something just felt right about it that morning.
3 months shy of her second birthday, the little girl takes it all in from Rebecca's lap with wide eyes as she sees the Dog Track in a way she's never experienced before.
"Who's that?" Rebecca whispers as she points to the Greyhounds warming up, Isaac dancing around in the middle of the circle seemingly back to his old self.
"Saac an Col an Dani an Ya an Ich an Sam an Moo an Alo an Def an Rey an Aime"
Really, it's quite impressive that her not quite 2 year old can recognise and name Richmonds starting lineup from this distance.
It's also endlessly amusing that the entire team now moo's at Bumbercatch to get his attention, just like Addy does. Rebecca wonders how long it will be until an enterprising fan hears it and there are entire stadiums mooing at him.
It's an absolutely smashing match. Isaac seems to be much more settled than when she saw him at training a few days before. Just before the first whistle blows a familiar song starts to be sung by the crowd.
"He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where ROY KENT"
Next to Rebecca, Keeley leans forward to hang over the bar and watch her boyfriend walk along the pitch until he reaches the rest of the team.
They're too far away to hear what is being said but it's easy to tell what was 'said' when Roy stands on the other side of Nate.
By the end of the match, which they win, despite all the noise, Addy is fast asleep. The excitement of the day was too much, but overall it is a success.
On top of that, it looks like Ted's wooing of Roy is finally successful, she's positive she'll get the entire story from Beard at dinner on Monday night, and when asked by a roving reporter her thoughts on the matter she smiles.
"Roy Kent is always welcome at Richmond. He's a part of the family, whether he likes it or not!"
The 11th Annual Benefit for Underprivileged Children went off without a hitch.
The musical guest didn't cancel at the last minute and Rupert didn't even attempt to slither his way through the doors. While they didn't make anywhere near what they did the year before, Rebecca still managed to raise over a million pounds for charity.
Jack Dawkins had made a brilliant auctioneer, the midfielder had approached her a few weeks before and offered his services, admitting shyly that it had been one such organisation that had paid for his first set of boots.
Once again the night ended with her farewelling a tipsy Ted and sad Beard while Keeley raided the bar for champagne.
From her spot watching the building across the way, Emily smiled as Rebecca and Keeley tripped their way into a rickshaw and their giggles echoing over the green.
She was still a little (lot) upset that Clyde had managed to beat her at rock, paper, scissors leaving her outside in the freezing cold while he got to sit and pretend to be a pretentious rich prick in a tux.
Admittedly, he didn't need to pretend to be a prick or pretentious, those both came naturally.
Satisfied that Clyde had managed to tag all their targets, she left her spot and walked away across the green to where their surveillance van was waiting.
"What have we got?" she asked as the door slid shut behind her.
"We've got 10 tags all with strong signals. Hopefully they'll give us something to connect up to the intel Ram got us."
Her crew had spent months trying to find the ports Mannion was using instead of Dieppe and they finally had a lead in Kristiansand that they could trace back into Sunderland. They had made the heartbreaking decision to leave the trade route open for now to try and trace it in both directions. To Mannion as the seller and whoever his buyers were.
They also hadn't told Rebecca they used her event to tag some of Rupert's acquaintances that they had been watching for quite some time.
The less she knew about this part of the investigation the better.
It was early enough that Addy was still fast asleep when Rebecca made her way downstairs, relishing in the quiet time she had to prepare herself for the day.
Very few people had direct access to the house, herself and Adrianna, Sassy, Emily and Clyde so she didn't worry too much when the front door opened and closed again.
Then a voice rang through the kitchen, disturbing her peace.
"Hello darling! I've left your father."
Rebecca is really glad she'd put her tea cup down, because she's fairly certain she may have dropped it in surprise at hearing her mothers voice.
Gritting her teeth, Rebecca reached out to grab her phone and quickly called Clyde who picked up on the second ring.
"Hello Darling, it's a little early for you to be calling?"
"Why, despite all the security, was my mother able to just walk through the front door?" Rebecca ground her teeth together.
There was silence on the other end.
"Lyle?" She prompted him using the cover name she knows she has to use in public "I ask again, how did my mother get through security?"
"I'm checking" Clyde snapped, as he fired off a request to the tech monitoring security at Rebecca's. The response was almost immediate.
"It appears she used your code…" Clyde knows just how paranoid Rebecca is about security at her home.
"MOTHER!" He flinches at Rebecca's bellow and sighs in relief when she hangs up the call.
"MOTHER!" Rebecca stalks her way back into the kitchen where Deborah is making herself tea.
"Yes sausage?"
"The code you used to get in, who gave it to you?"
"Oh it was Tish. I was visiting her for a reading… not last June but the one before. She gave me the numbers then. Said they would open a door that I believed was closed and locked forever."
"And should I change the code will she just give you the new one?"
She pulls up the group chat with Clyde and Emily.
Apparently my mothers psychic gave it to her?
She never forgives them for the laughing emoji's and mocking GIF's she gets in return.
"So mother, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" She places the phone on the bench and pulls a second cup out for tea.
"I've left your father. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't respect me. And Esther Perel says it takes two people to create a pattern but only one to change it."
It's a repeat of the Paul and Deborah show that she's been watching her entire life. Only now she has a daughter that she doesn't want to grow up thinking this is normal and right. Maybe if her mother had reached out 2 years before or turned up a year ago, wanting to see Rebecca, without her father having played up again she would be a little more open.
"Well, I mean, everyone makes mistakes, but… I was married to a man for 12 years who never once took responsibility for any single one of them."
Her father would not be meeting Addy, not while he refused to be accountable for both his actions and inactions.
Her mother though… she was torn. She's not sure she can ever forgive her mother for not seeing the type of man her father truly is. For changing with the wind and never standing firm.
It's why she ignores Addy's calls from her bedroom and leaves Adrianna to get the toddler ready for the day.
Rebecca isn't sure if she's ready to introduce Addy to her grandmother, especially one as flighty as Deborah Welton. She doesn't want to watch Addy get attached only for Deborah to return to Paul and give them nothing but silence for months. She knows how much it hurts to experience that.
So she hustles her mother out the door before Adrianna brings Addy downstairs.
What she's going to do if her mother doesn't take the hint and volunteer to get a hotel room that night she doesn't know.
Wanting a buffer, she messages Keeley and invites her to lunch. Then after 2 hours of listening to her mother natter on about a little bit of everything she stands and walks over to the office window and sighs in relief at seeing Ted on the pitch.
Opening and leaning out the window she takes a deep breath and yells as loudly as she can.
"TED" she can see he heard her but doesn't turn around so she calls out again "TED"
"Oh HEY!" He waves lightly as he finally turns to face her.
"DO YOU HAVE LUNCH PLANS?"
Lunch with Keeley and Ted isn't the balm she'd hoped for. Neither of them understand Rebecca's attitude towards Deborah.
"Please. Forget every word she just said. They do this every couple of years. My dad acts up, then she leaves him. Then they 'move on'. Then he buys her some expensive, environmentally conscious gift and they'll be back together in a week. But, hey-ho, she'll be paying the bill, so do enjoy your free lunch."
She can understand why the two of them would be so confused, Ted had his own parental issues that he doesn't talk about and Keeley while she doesn't always understand her mother she struggles with the idea of simply not speaking to her parents for months or years at a time.
Perhaps it's Rebecca's supposed apathy towards the whole thing.
She manages to keep them at the club long after Addy's bedtime when it becomes apparent Deborah expects to stay in the guestroom and Rebecca knows she can't keep her mother and her daughter apart indefinitely.
"Are you going to let me meet my granddaughter?" Deborah finally asks her point blank and looks as though she's been slapped at Rebecca's sharp retort.
"Are you going to ignore us for 9 months when you go back to Father?"
"Rebecca?"
"It's a valid question mother, you did it to me so why should I not question whether you would do it to her? I'm not going to let Addy get attached to someone who won't be around in two weeks time." Rebecca knows she's hit a sore spot when Deborah huffs and rolls her eyes.
"Oh don't act like a child Rebecca…"
It may have been her mothers voice and words but in that moment all Rebecca can see is her former husband and how he started to break her down in the early days of their marriage, when she still had some fight left in her.
"Don't you dare…" she growls low and dangerously, her vision flashing red "You came here, to me and you don't get to brush my feelings on this aside. I have my own daughter that I need to protect and the last thing I want is for her to think that the type of relationship you have with my father is acceptable. You also don't get to gaslight me into thinking I'm the one with the problem. I lived with that, never again and if that's the way you want to act then you can leave now and don't bother coming back."
She grabs her phone and starts for the door. When Deborah calls her name she pauses but doesn't look back and when nothing else is said keeps walking.
It had been months since Rebecca had felt the need to take Addy into her room to sleep but she doesn't trust her mother not to try something so Addy is transferred quickly to her bed and the door locked behind them.
It's not long before she hears her mothers footsteps on the stairs and she wonders if Deborah has taken her words to heart or will do what she always does and sticks her head in the sand and pretends nothing is wrong.
Rebecca barely sleeps that night. Unwilling to prioritise her mother over Addy for another day, she gets up at 5 and gets herself ready for the day. By 6am, she's strapping a still sleeping toddler into the back of the range rover and driving away from her house.
She's well aware that she's taking the cowards way out.
It takes her several minutes to realise that instead of heading towards the club she's turned the car north across the Thames towards Hammersmith and the flat she had Emily purchase under an assumed name.
The same flat she'd hidden in during the divorce and her pregnancy. Rebecca doesn't want to think too deeply on why her subconscious is taking her there of all places. Emily will be able to profile this drunk and blindfolded.
Once she's inside she quickly orders a breakfast delivery for the two of them and emails Leslie to let him know she would be working from home that day.
It wasn't quite a lie and it shouldn't set off alarm bells with anyone.
Glancing at her watch she decides it's not too early to message Sassy.
I'm hiding from my Mother who is at my house and I may have accused her of attempting to gaslight me when I told her she couldn't meet Addy if she was going to ignore us when she went back to father. Overreaction?
She knows Sassy won't respond straight away, instead calling her once she's in the car and on her way to work.
Her phone buzzes a few moments later.
Why are you in your escape flat?
She shouldn't be surprised that Clyde and Emily are monitoring the place. She hums lightly as she contemplates her response.
My mother.
Is all she sends back, and hopes that's enough for the two of them. Emily has told her enough stories about Ambassador Prentiss that she's positive the brunette will understand.
By the time Sassy calls, Addy is awake and making her way through the scrambled eggs Rebecca had delivered.
"Tell me about the latest episode?"
Rebecca fills her in on the last 24 hours without interruption from her best friend and at the end of the story Sassy is silent for several long moments.
"Well Stinky… I do believe you finally let your mother hear something you've needed to say for 15 years."
When Deborah makes her way downstairs at 8 o'clock that morning, it is to find only the nanny seated at the kitchen bench.
"Rebecca and Addy left early this morning." Adrianna had worked for Rebecca for nearly 2 years on top of that she had been well briefed on Rebecca's entire history by Emily and Clyde as to what her role was.
Be a staunch and unshakable presence in Rebecca's life and watch out for any threats. After retiring from Interpol several years earlier, boredom had quickly set in and this job was just what she needed.
She hadn't expected Deborah Welton's appearance back in Rebecca's life or the minefield it would bring and the disappointment radiating off the older woman when she discovered her daughter gone.
"We started a conversation yesterday that I thought we could finish this morning. I should have known she wouldn't be ready. I suppose she'll come to me eventually."
"Have you considered that she's waiting for the same thing, waiting for you to reach out because you want to see her and not just because you had a fight with your husband?" Adrianna asks gently, causing Deborah's jaw to drop in surprise. "There's only so many times a person can reach out to find nothing there before they give up."
She drains the rest of her coffee, rinses the cup and places it in the dishwasher and leaves the room before Deborah has a chance to gather her thoughts and respond.
As for Rebecca, after spending nearly an hour talking to Sassy she accepts that hiding from her mother isn't the best move and packs up to head to the club.
Leslie doesn't question her turning up but she can see he's concerned, their relationship has come along in leaps and bounds in the last 10 months but it's not quite at the point where he'll push her on something as deeply personal as her relationship with her mother.
Keeley does question her and still struggles to understand the complexities of the Welton family.
That night, she finds her mother in the sitting room, reading quietly.
"Hello Sausage" Deborah looks up to see her daughter standing in the doorway with her granddaughter on her hip.
"Mother" she finally says, her voice flat and emotionless as she walks in to sit opposite Deborah who's eyes have gone wide and teared up at the sight of Addy who after an afternoon spent on the pitch is content to stay in her mothers lap.
"I called Lavinia to see if she knew what gaslighting is and she had to ask her daughter… I promise I wasn't trying to do that. I never would."
"I know… but there are some things I don't react well to anymore and being called a child or told I'm acting childish is one of them."
"It used to be the only way to get you to open up" Deborah thinks she's worked out why it's changed but isn't sure and hopes Rebecca will tell her the truth.
"And then Rupert turned it into a weapon, one of many he wielded against me… but that's not a discussion for tonight, not one I'm ready to have. Do you understand why I said what I said about ignoring us last night?" Deborah nods so Rebecca continues.
"If you want to be in Addy's life, be her grandmother then you need to make the effort. Do you remember the first time you left father… when you went back I would call to check in but you either didn't answer or didn't call me back. You didn't talk to me for 9 months and I'm not putting her through that. Wondering why she's not good enough for you to talk to." Rebecca took a shuddering breath. "I was 19 and it hurt, she's not yet 2 and won't understand, I still don't understand what I did that was so wrong."
"Oh Sausage, it wasn't you." Deborah had never considered that her silence could be taken that way "I couldn't face you or your disappointment… I'm not as strong as you."
"Learn to face it, for her sake" Rebecca is stern, stamping down the compassion she feels for her mother. She's not ready for anything more in depth, maybe with time.
Their dinner that night is stilted, despite Addy's generally outgoing and bubbly personality she can sense her mothers trepidation around this new person and stays close to Rebecca.
Breakfast the next morning is a little better. Rebecca is already in the kitchen, feeding Addy breakfast when Deborah makes her way downstairs.
"Hello, sausage. What time are you leaving for the match today?"
"Three o'clock. Aren't you coming with us?" Rebecca is a little dismayed, after the previous night, she hoped Deborah would want to spend the day with them. Maybe it was too much too soon.
"No, no, don't worry. I'm meeting up with Lavinia and Mary-Alice. We're going to hear Brené Brown reading from her new book, 'Enter the Arena, But Bring a Knife'."
"Hmm. Okay." Rebecca is suspicious, there's something in her mothers whole demeanour that is setting off alarm bells.
"But I was thinking. When you come home, I'd love to make you your favourite, shepherd's pie with cheesy top. And then you and I can have another chat. How's that sound?"
"Perfect." Rebecca forces a smile and hopes it is somewhat believable.
Throughout the morning Rebecca notices that while her mother watches Addy, she doesn't engage with the toddler, and she doesn't think she'll admit to anyone how much that actually hurts.
She thought she'd accepted long before that her daughter would grow up without grandparents, especially when her mother hadn't reached out when news of the divorce or news of Addy's existence broke but standing here watching it in real time is a completely different thing.
Perhaps her mother took her words too much to heart, that she shouldn't build a relationship she's not willing to maintain and eventually she might be ok with it but right at that moment it hurts.
The score is nil-nil and is looking like it's not going to move anytime soon when the big screen flashes the image of Ted, Nate, Beard and Roy all standing in a row middle fingers extended at something she can't see and Rebecca lets out a delighted giggle.
It's not a sight you would see from any other management team and she doesn't care. It's her team and if throwing the players the bird is what it takes then that's what it takes.
2 minutes later, Jamie Tartt has been fouled and has scored one of the most impressive goals she's ever seen, putting Richmond in the lead going into half time.
She and Leslie are waiting for Keeley to return with snacks at halftime when a choking noise disturbs her conversation with Addy.
"Your noise is back. What's up?"
"I feel compelled to tell a friend something he won't want to hear." Rebecca sighs, she knows what this is about, she'd heard the rumours.
"Is this about Beard and Jane? I see her sometimes, lurking around the car park. I mean, she's a bit intense, but she's adorable. Like a tipsy Reese Witherspoon playing Running Charades."
"What's Running Charades?" Higgins is momentarily distracted.
"What's Running Charades?" Sometimes she really has to wonder about Leslie.
"I have to say something." Rebecca is wondering if he's driven by the silence he maintained over Rupert's cheating for years, but these are completely different situations. While she may not understand the complexities of Beard and Jane's relationship, their regular Monday night dinners give her a chance to check in on her friend and she's not overly concerned.
She also trusts Ted to tell her when she should become worried about Beard.
"Absolutely not. Higgins, never interfere. It doesn't help, and you'll only be punished for it. My parents should've split up years ago. When she first left him when I was at uni, I congratulated her. Told her she deserved a better life. Two weeks later, they were back together, and she didn't speak to me for nine months. It does no good." Not in this situation, it was better for Beard to come to him.
"Well, I think if you care about someone, you have to keep trying. Maybe one day you'll get through."
Neither of them get a chance to continue as Keeley reappears and climbs over Rebecca and Addy to get back to her seat.
"You guys talking about Beard and Jane? She's quite the jealous type, right? She once followed me all the way home just to ask if Beard was shagging Ted."
That was not an image she expected in her head going into the second half.
The match starts up again, and the topic seems to be over for now.
All thoughts of Beard and Jane are forgotten as she watches Ted running from the field. Hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders hunched over. She's seen that before and she really hopes it's not what she thinks it is.
Lifting Addy over onto Keeley's lap she stands quickly.
"I'll be right back"
She doesn't find Ted, only his jacket abandoned in the changing room and although Beard reassures her he'll check on Ted on his way home, it doesn't assuage her worry.
That evening as she's buckling Addy into her car seat, Rebecca witnesses Higgins doing the opposite of what they discussed but the gentle way he handles it brings a smile to Rebecca's face, as does the hug Beard wraps the older man in.
Perhaps there's hope for her and her mother yet.
On the way home, she leaves a message for Ted, fairly confident that he won't return her call and she'll need to pin him down during their next biscuits with the boss. It hasn't escaped Rebecca's notice that there are some subjects that Ted will talk about while saying absolutely nothing.
When she gets home, the house is quiet and dark and there's only a note from her mother, stating the promised shepards pie is in the fridge and her father has bought his way out of his bad behaviour with a Tesla.
With a sigh she heads upstairs.
Not so much hope after all.
END CHAPTER 14