Chapter Four ~ Hephaestus is an asshole

Note: Not sure when chapter five will be up. Could be a day, could be a week, could be whenever I feel like it. I basically had to scrap the whole thing along with this chapter. So while this one is a good bit longer than the last (1.5k words more), it is a complete rewrite of what it had originally been. Either way thanks to those who've left some reviews. I appreciate knowing what you guys are thinking about the chapters. On a side note, I have this story up on Wattpad for anyone who prefers that. But my epithet there is LordandSovereign. Just figured I would make it more accessible for the hell of it. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy today's episode of "How the Greek gods fucked up my average teenage life". See you when I feel motivated enough to write another 5k words.

"Oh, honey! You're home just in time!" His mother came rushing from deeper into their apartment when she heard the sound of him closing the door. "I made you something!"

"Uh, are you okay, mom?" Izuku asked, watching as his mother darted about their small kitchen.

Quickly she put together a small place at the bar for the two of them, pouring some drinks and all but dragging him across the room into a seat. He hardly had time to toss his bag on the couch before he was shoved onto one of the stools.

As he settled into his spot he watched with an amused smile and curiously raised brow as the over-excited woman made the final preparations. Slowly she removed a few small dishes from where she had left them in the oven, until finally ending with his favorite dish.

"KATSUDON!" He dived into his plate without a moment's hesitation.

"I figured you deserved something special." She chuckled as he inhaled his plate in record time. Producing a plate for herself as well she removed a final, third portion that she placed between them. His increased need for calories over the last two months had all but deified the woman in his eyes at that moment.

"I'm so proud of you."

He stopped, snapping up with a look of confusion, a piece of pork cutlet half dangling from his lips. She already knew what his grades for this quarter were. His chores had been done the same as always.

"H-huh?" he tried through his food-stuffed mouth.

"Oh don't think I don't know!" she waved him off playfully, a small laugh escaping her, "one of your little friends stopped by earlier to show me all the hard work you've been doing!"

Again, "h-huh?"

Inko rolled her eyes at the antics of her son. She had noticed his daily disappearances and had initially feared the worst. Working in a hospital made her all too aware of the horrors that lurked in everyday life. It was all too common for quirkless children to end up turning down the wrong path, ending up in some stupid anti-quirk cult, suicidal, or gods forbid on drugs.

While she knew her little Izu would never, it was still a mother's place to worry. But she also knew how hard things had been on him over the years. As reserved as he could be there were few things he had ever hidden from her.

So she had chosen to trust him.

Sure some days he came back with a few new scratches or bruises, and the occasional electrical burn which was honestly the most confounding part of it all. One quick call with Mitsuki had quickly ruled out Katsuki as the cause; in fact, according to her the two hardly even interacted in school anymore.

So again she had decided to trust him.

Now as she looked at him she felt some of her worries die out. Most of the baby fat that had clung to him over the years had melted away, replaced by a healthy bit of muscle that spoke to the work put into whatever he had been up to. The light tone of his skin had darkened from time in the sun, occasionally marked by a small scar from one of his ever-growing collection.

Which she would take plenty of time fretting over later. Right now she was more concerned with that little auburn-haired cutie that had come looking for her Izu earlier! Of course, she knew her son was a handsome man, but she had never expected him to be talking to girls like her.

What was she saying, of course girls like her would love her baby boy!

"Uh…mom?" Izuku felt a pit forming in his stomach at the far-off look his mother had. Her hands clasped before her and her eyes shining with something that he was positive was going to leave him dying from embarrassment at some point soon.

"Huh? Oh!" She fumbled with her pocket for a minute before producing her phone. Opening her photos and holding out a few for Izuku to see. His face paled.

She swiped through a handful of photos of him cleaning up Dagobah beach. Well in reality they were photos of him throwing out pieces of failed automata or scraps neither he nor Hephaestus needed, but from an outside point of view, he simply appeared to be cleaning up the beach. It even ended with a recent before and after photo.

"Hestia said you've been helping her family clean the beach! I am so proud of you!"

Oh, so she didn't know about the fact he had spent the better part of two months making murderous robots with a cyborg in a leather loincloth. Well, that was something at least. Maybe he wouldn't end up grounded for a few years after all, I mean - wait, his mom met Hestia?

"You met Hestia?" He repeated aloud. Apparently the whole 'limited on our interactions with mortals' thing was a little less limited than Zeus had made it out to be. Well at least it was Hestia, he was pretty sure Ares would have hit on his mom, and then he would have to find out if there was a way to kill a god of war. Whatever the consequences of that would be.

"Of course I did, we had tea while you were out today!" His mother shook her head at him as if that was the most obvious thing in the world, having absolutely no idea she had been having tea with an immortal goddess from halfway across the globe.

"I'll admit I was a bit concerned with this camping trip thing, but you do have a break coming up and they seem like wonderful people." she continued, apparently not noticing the look of total bewilderment on her son's face. He hardly opened his mouth to respond before she pushed on, "Her little niece even brought you some camping gear! You know the little red-headed one with the pretty eyes?"

Then her smile grew mischievous.

"She said she was excited to see you againnnn," she sing-sang giddily, "why didn't you tell me you had a little girlfriend?"

His head hit the counter with an audible thud. His life was over. Part of him briefly considered strangling Izanagi if he ever saw him again for choosing him for this. Which was an odd concept considering exactly who he was talking about.

"Oh! I almost forgot! She wanted me to ask you if Arcee could come along. My Izu is spending time with two girls? I'm going to cry." She ended, choking up over a few loose tears, clearly proud of him but wholly misinterpreting the situation.

Another thud sounded out.

Excusing himself before his mother could break down into a babbling mess he returned to his room. At first he made to go to sleep, knowing he was going to need the rest for tomorrow. But considering his face was a bright scarlet and hot enough to melt steel he knew sleep would not be coming anytime soon.

With a huff he sat up, nodding to himself.

Grabbing a lighter from his bedside table he lit a small candle Hestia had given him. It was a gift she had presented to him around his second week with Hephaestus. It was simple, shaped like a small hearth. Other than making his room smell like warm cinnamon rolls it also served as a form of communication device.

By making a 'sacrifice '— which took the form of a bit of food — and declaring what god it was for he could send them a brief message. Taking a bag of crackers from the drawer in his nightstand he opened it and tossed one into the flames.

"To Hephaestus," he said, watching as it magically dissolved into the flames, "fuck you."

Not really knowing exactly what the day had in store for him outside of a mysterious 'camping trip, Izuku had smartly chosen to rise a bit earlier than usual. His mother had already left for the day, so after making himself a quick breakfast, he took a short shower and got ready for whatever the gods of Olympus were going to throw at him.

True to her word his mother had left a neatly packed red hiking bag waiting for him leaning against the desk in his room. He had spared it a passing glance the night before, but now that he had a moment to check over the gear it all seemed rather basic.

Not that he was complaining, more that he was surprised there were no godly antics attached.

After waiting around for a bit his nose was assaulted by the fresh smell of pine with a pleasant hint of cherry blossoms, something he had not quite expected. Having quickly become accustomed to the unique scent gods seemed to put off he turned to meet his guest. He had made an educated guess on who it would be, especially given Hephaestus' taunts, but seeing her in person again made all the anxiety he had been repressing shatter its restraints.

As opposed to how she had appeared in the throne room of Olympus, at the time being somewhere around fifteen feet in height, she was now closer to his size. A bit taller than him admittedly, but appearing closer to his age than any other god had thus far.

Compared to the more bulky gods like Ares and Hephaestus she was rather thin, her build showing more of a lean athleticism like Poseidon.

'But Poseidon wasn't nearly as curvy,' his brain shot back.

Why? Why did his inner thoughts have to fight so hard to betray him at every turn? For a brief second he considered jumping out his window with the hopes of dying on impact.

It did have a point however, her figure had quite the feminine charm. While not as overly geared toward the immediate seductive charm that Aphrodite often went for—which by the way he was still not used to her trying a different form every week on him—she had ample curves and a rather sexy hourglass frame.

He facepalmed, remembering once more through the haze of his love-struck brain that gods could read the thoughts of mortals almost as easily as if they had said them aloud.

"Best that I come back later?" Gods even her voice was perfect. Like the rustle of leaves on a cool autumn day backed by the serenity of nature.

Peeking between his fingers he met her raised brow and calculating frown with a shake of his head. She had shifted posture slightly, leaning on one foot with her arms crossed and head tilted just a touch.

It was adorable.

"N-no. NO!" He stammered. If his face got any hotter he was sure steam would come pouring out of his ears. "Just lost in thought."

A dainty brow raised a bit higher at that. Thankfully she was being polite enough to leave his thoughts to him alone, otherwise he was pretty sure a maiden goddess like herself would be taking him on a hunt rather than a camping trip; one in which he was pretty sure he would end up as the prey.

Aphrodite was gorgeous in whatever form she cycled into, but the goddess before him had a natural beauty that sent his brain into a spiral. Her sharp features and fox-like silver-amber eyes had captivated him from the moment they met in the throne room. Only at the time, he was a bit preoccupied with the fact he was being granted an audience with a council of literal deities.

Something he was slowly coming to terms with.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, lady Artemis." He offered a polite bow.

Hestia had, on the off occasion of filling him in on the world of immortals, offered some simple lessons on etiquette. So far his trips to Olympus numbered in the single digits, but on the off chance he ever met some of the more prideful minor gods she wanted him prepared.

"First, it's Artemis, I am not your mistress," she raised her hand, cutting off his attempts to sputter out some marginal defense, "second, I only volunteered for this because my father required it. But mainly to piss off Aphrodite."

A candle burning by his bed went out, and he swore a cruel little smile had cracked Artemis' features for a moment.

"Aphrodite wanted to be my next trainer?" He asked in sheer disbelief. How on earth would that succubus have anything to teach him other than an R-rated version of sex-ed? Oh, he seriously hoped that Hestia would keep that from happening.

Artemis' eyes narrowed ever so slightly as she shifted to look down at him. In that moment he felt very small. Like a rabbit that had walked into a wolfs-den. Something told him that his reaction had not made her happy.

"Would you rather it be her?" The goddess almost ground out. It felt like she was already expecting a specific answer, but waiting on him to verbalize it so she had reason to pounce.

"No, god's no!" his hands shook before him as he stepped back, wanting to put distance between himself and the apex predator before him. "I can't stand her. She stops by at least once a week to try and get me to sleep with her. I just can't see her teaching is all."

Her posture relaxed a bit, but his instincts told him that the wolf was still snarling, not quite pacified.

"She visits…weekly?" She questioned slowly, gaze testing him for the truth.

"Y-yeah," he rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, eyes cast down as he tried not to dredge up the dreaded memories of her visits. "At least once, sometimes two. She came by every day about three weeks ago."

"Hmm," she hummed thoughtfully, slowly shifting back toward her original pose, "and you haven't… 'given in'."

"Wh-wha-what!?" He sputtered, meeting her once more narrowed pools of silver moonlight. He knew exactly what she meant, but not why she cared at all. "No, not at all. She almost had me the first time. I felt drunk and warm, but after I broke out of it she hasn't tried it again. So I just kinda, you know, call Hestia?"

Her eyes had widened ever so slightly when he had mentioned the strange ecstasy that Aphrodite had shackled him with. He knew it had something to do with her power. Where Ares made his blood pump and temper flare, Hestia calmed him, made him feel warm and at home wherever they were. Even Poseidon had made him feel like he was sitting on a warm summer beach, only with a storm in the distance that could just as easily turn toward him.

Hell, even right now Artemis was radiating a mix of things. The warmth of a bright spring day in a clearing. The chilly air of an autumn night. The peace that came with a connection to nature.

Each god had their own unique feel. So far, hers was one of Izuku's favorites, coming a very close second to Hestia's.

So although Aphrodite made his heart sing like a man head-over-heels in love, he knew it was fake and just pushed it to the side when she was around. As for the whole 'makes you super horny for no reason' thing she could do, she hadn't really tried that a second time.

For a long moment, the goddess of the hunt studied his features. He had grown quite a bit in the short few months since she had seen him last. Back then she had simply thought his annoyance with Aphrodite had been due to the public nature of her display; that had been the case for every man thus far.

But now she was not quite sure. While she was far from an expert in these matters she prided herself on knowing when someone dared to lie in her presence — her brother was the god of truth after all.

Even still no man, mortal nor divine, had ever overcome Aphrodite's advances. The goddess of love always got what she wanted. When she met his eyes again after a long moment she watched as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck. It was a rather annoying tell her brother had also developed over the centuries.

"I-uh, are you okay Lady, oh sorry, Artemis?" Izuku winced as if preparing to be struck.

"L-lets, ahem, Let's get going then." Artemis managed after clearing her throat a bit, gaining some small semblance of her regal airs. Having lost herself in thought. Maybe this boy was more interesting than she originally thought.

With a snap of her fingers, the two vanished in a flurry of autumn leaves.

Leaves which Inko would later find lying on the floor of Izuku's room and nearly have a mental breakdown trying to figure out how they had gotten there and why her son's room looked like the foot of a tree in mid-autumn.

Seriously she was going to have to figure out just what had gotten into him!

Artemis breathed a sigh of relief as she brought her leg over the seat of her chariot, happy to have solid ground underfoot once more. Removing her helmet with one hand she lazily tossed it to the side where it struck the dirt, dissolving into a pile of leaves.

This clearing had been one she had carefully selected over the past few weeks. A spot far enough from civilization to ensure they would remain unhindered for the duration of their training. With a snap of her fingers her chariot, in the form of a silver sports bike somewhat reminiscent of Izuku's own, vanished in a beam of moonlight.

Speaking of.

Izuku's cobalt-blue bike slowed to a stop a few feet behind her, the young man rising similarly to her. As he fiddled with the straps of his hastily summoned helmet she once more looked over the machine that had carried him here.

Hephaestus had all but begged her to at least mention the bike in Izuku's presence. Happy to bring the reclusive god some small bit of happiness she had done exactly that and more. Arriving first a short distance from the beach the two had been training on, in the exact spot Hephaestus had told her it was, she had been somewhat impressed by the motorcycle.

Although her experiences with mortal vehicles were rare, being more to her brother's liking, she could say that this design was by far her favorite. Most mortal modes of transportation were too claustrophobic for her taste. These however offered similar freedoms to the chariots of old.

But while she appreciated the dedication it took for something to be built in such a short time, godly help or not, she had seen no signs of the 'inspired design' that her half-brother had droned on about.

"You arrived much quicker than I expected," Artemis nodded her approval as the teen finally managed to take off his own helmet. Truth be told, she was quite the speed demon, so to have kept up as well as he had been a feat in of itself.

"W-well ki-kinda?" He stuttered.

"I've ridden a few times," He continued, a small affectionate smile weathering away his anxiety as he placed a hand on the warm leather seat of his motorcycle, "but not enough to keep up with you. Arcee did most of the work."

Artemis raised a brow. Hephaestus had mentioned that Izuku had become quite adept at making automata, and for the forge god to refer to a mortal in such a way meant the boy was reasonably skilled at the art. Her half-brother was eccentric and an idiot, but to place credit where it wasn't due was not in his nature.

A vehicle that could drive itself however was something even she knew mortals had dabbled in quite often over the centuries. Nothing special by even their own standards. Was there more to it or had Hephaestus simply been exaggerating?

"Hephaestus did mention its design had been quite inspired." She prodded, hoping to get a bit more information out of the greenette.

Almost immediately she realized that perhaps this was a topic best left alone for now. The crimson that seemed to dominate the boy's features at all times spread to his ears. She watched patiently as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, seeming to struggle for words. She half expected another babbling string of incoherent thoughts to spill out with every attempt.

Then he surprised her.

Still blushing madly he seemed to steel himself somewhat, a rare moment of bravery seemingly coming over him as he met her eyes.

"Y-yeah, yeah I think it is…" His features finally settled on a nervous lop-sided grin.

Unfamiliar warmth bloomed in her chest.

It was like a totally different person was buried behind the boundless anxiety he had presented to this point. A man hiding behind the little boy standing before her. For longer than she cared to admit she stared back blankly as he began to unpack some things from his bag.

Steadying her quickening heartbeat she swallowed this peculiar feeling, stowing it away for later thought — and perhaps a conversation with her sister, or preferably her aunt.

"Do you have everything you need?" What a stupid question. Of course he did, she had packed that bag herself. Why would she even ask such a stupid question?

"I think so, I'm not -"

"Then I'm going to scout the area while you set up camp," she cut him off, desperate for some time to herself, "I should be back in an hour."

In five quick steps she covered the distance to the treeline, pouring a bit of strength into her legs and leaping onto the outstretched limbs of a nearby pine. Before he could even blink she disappeared into the foliage.

Izuku stared at the spot Artemis had disappeared from. His mouth closed, the question on his lips dying the moment he realized there would be no answer any time soon. The hand he had raised to stop her falling as he turned toward his half-unpacked bag.

He deflated with a heavy sigh.

Tired eyes growing half-lidded, admittedly more with annoyance than anything else. Why did things like this always happen to him?

"Don't suppose you know how to pitch a tent?" He asked Arcee, glancing at the automaton sarcastically from the corner of his eyes.

An unintelligible series of trills and beeps answered him.

"Yeah, thought not."

Deciding that there was no time like the present to learn how to survive alone in the wilderness he stood. Removing all the parts he assumed were needed to make a functional tent, he resigned himself to doing things the hard way.

"There, done!"

Izuku glanced down at his watch, a gift parting gift from Hephaestus. Roughly forty-odd minutes had passed since Artemis had all but abandoned him in the middle of nowhere. In that time he had tried to pitch his tent, failed, tried again, smashed his finger, cursed Ares, stacked wood for a fire, and then tried his hand at building a functional shelter one last time.

Smiling at a successful attempt he stood, dusting his hands together. Sure it was a bit lopsided, and maybe the support pole was a bit loose, but it wasn't falling over so that was something at least.

"What do you think 'Cee?"

He glanced toward his bike. It returned his question with a vaguely happy series of trills.

"I think so too. Let's start that fire." He began to rummage through his bag, hoping for a box of matches or at least a flint. "Hmm," he searched through the pouches and pockets but came up empty-handed each time. "Well, that might be a problem."

Inspecting his watch told him Artemis would be back any minute now, so maybe she was somewhere close by. Shrugging to himself he stood once more, making a slow trek toward the same section of trees that the goddess had disappeared through earlier.

Beep?

"Just gonna look around, not like I can do much without Artemis at this point anyway."

Trill! Beep!

"Relax 'Cee, not like Artemis would take me anywhere dangerous for wilderness training." Great, he had progressed to the point of talking to his motorcycle. All those hours listening to Hephaestus' one-sided conversations with his appliances were wearing off on him.

Beep…

What's worse is it was starting to sound like his mother.

"I'll be careful, I promise."

With that he disappeared through the dense branches and clustered trunks surrounding the clearing.

On the outside, the woodlands surrounding their campground appeared an impenetrable wall of green, but after stepping through things grew a bit more sparse. Downed trees here and there, shrubs and seedlings drinking up light in the few spots not completely overshadowed by the leaves above.

This section of the woods was a bit rockier than he had expected, with a few boulders dotted about. Increasing in number as the ground slanted downward into a small valley. It had taken him a few minutes to reach the bottom, but the walk had been a lot more pleasant than anything the city could offer. If just a bit more rough.

A small rocky stream snaked through the little divot formed between two hills. Most likely formed from icemelt somewhere farther up the mountain this forest bordered, or maybe some aquifer that remained full from rainfall in the area.

Izuku blinked…how did he know that exactly?

Shaking the thought he placed his hands on his hips, closing his eyes and breathing deep. "I should really get Mom out of the house more," he muttered to himself, opening his eyes after a long moment to survey his surroundings.

His gaze started farther up the hill where a boulder divided, digging out a small patch for itself over years of weathering the water and sinking farther into the soft soil below as a result. He followed the water down, past a downed trunk, over a patch of large water-rounded stones. Through some built-up debris from a recent storm. Past the strange green turtle-man bathing in a deeper section. Then finally over to -

Izuku's eyes snapped leftward, back up the stream.

There, about twenty-odd feet from him, in a depression formed by a buildup of water sat something completely inhuman. Its back was to him, giving him a clean line of sight to the large turtle-shell dominating the area. Long spindly limbs extended outward from the shell, covering in a rough leathery green skin.

His spot behind the creature denied him a clear view of its face, but long strands of oily black hair fell from around a weird basin-like divot in its skull. Even from where he was standing, he could see a pool of murky water sloshing around in the thing's cranium in place of a brain.

It was playing with something he couldn't quite see. That is until it raised it up over its head as if to inspect it in the fading light.

Izuku paled.

Gangly half-webbed fingers wrapped tightly around an animal skull, small bits of flesh still clinging to spots around the nasal and eye cavities. Sharp black claws carved rugged paths into the bone.

"What the fuck?" His hands clamped down on his traitorous mouth.

But it was too late. The creature rounded on him in an instant. A beaked face snapped at him in warning, beady black eyes staring at him with the intensity of a beast whose dinner had been interrupted.

Holding his hands out in front of him placatingly he took a hesitant step backward.

"Hold on, hold on," another step backward, nearly stumbling over a few loose rocks, "it's fine, see, I'm just gonna go back up the hill and you ca -"

The creature screeched and rushed him with a surprising amount of speed.

"Oh shit." Really Ares was having a terrible influence on his vocabulary.

He dove to the side, landing in the water but narrowly avoiding a swipe of those wicked sharp claws. Grasping at a fallen branch by the shore he swung it in a panic as the creature rushed him a second time, catching its center mass.

Although the admittedly large branch shattered on impact the creature was flung off its feet, flying a couple of yards before crashing loudly into a boulder with a scraping sound. Izuku's wide eyes turned from the beast to his shaking hands.

"What the fuck?" he whispered to himself, awed at the sheer power he had just managed to call forth. His training with Hephaestus had definitely made him stronger, but surely not that strong.

Angry chittering drew his attention back toward the rising monster. A crack was visible on the outer edges of its shell and an even more crazed look had entered its eyes. Now it wasn't defending its territory, no now it wanted blood.

Artemis was still nowhere to be seen and even though he was not far from the clearing he had no way of being sure she would hear him to begin with. Added to the fact this thing was definitely faster on its feet than him and the run was uphill he doubted there was much chance of getting away if he ran.

Which meant it was him or it.

"O-okay," he took a deep breath, trying desperately to steady his breathing and racing heart. With a last good exhale he hefted another limb, raising it like a bat. "Okay," he planted his feet on the pebble-lined shore, "I'll just imagine it's Ares."

It came at him again, this time a bit more lethargic than it had before. He hastily sidestepped a heavy swipe, then another, and finally a third. Although forced to back peddle a bit his confidence rose; stepping closer to the creature he swung his makeshift weapon as hard as he could.

For a moment it seemed as if he had been successful, nearly catching the side of the creature's head. But he had miscalculated. Every time it attacked the creature had ducked down, reaching forward with rabid alternating slashes. Coming forward had put him as much in its attack range as it had given him his own opening.

It raged forward, Izuku's club sailing through the air its head had once occupied. A vicious slash followed, razor-like claws finding purchase by Izuku's right shoulder and dragging a jagged series of slashes down across his chest before finally ending below his right ribcage.

He gasped at the sudden influx of pain. There had been enough distance between them to keep it from digging deep enough to outright kill him, but the instant warmth pooling from the lines of fire torn across his flesh told him in an instant the bleeding was serious.

It came in for another swipe, right arm racing to finish the job. Adrenaline raced through him unlike ever before, offering a strange sense of clarity. Instantly his eyes refocused, mind pushing the pain down to prioritize the pressing issue of being ripped to shreds.

He twisted, letting the clawed hand pass him by with a hair's breadth between them. Before it could recover he brought his club up after it in an upward diagonal arc. Still leaning in for attack the creature had positioned itself perfectly. With a sickening crack, the club caught the monster on the lower side of its beaked face.

Its head snapped back, water spilled from the hole in its skull, and its whole body was raised upward. Flying a few feet up and backwards before coming down in a languid arc. Stumbling over to it Izuku raised his club one more in case it moved but lowered it upon seeing the pool of inky black blood seeping from its shattered beak.

Izuku pressed a hand into his chest, feeling the shredded fabric of his shirt and the burning skin beneath. It was a pain unlike anything he had felt before, even though the adrenaline still racing through him. Removing his hand he looked at it, paling at the thick coating of red covering it.

He hardly registered the creature dissolving into a black powder, only leaving behind an oversized shell veined with cracks.

A wave of nausea hit him. His knees wobbled, the sheer amount of blood seeping from his wounds made it hard to stand. With a pained groan he began to stumble back uphill.