Buffy couldn't explain exactly how she felt.

But one word kept repeating in her head.

Boyfriend!

Riley was her boyfriend!

Riley was her boyfriend!

Buffy groaned and a pitiful look of despair fell over her face.

Over the whole bad boy thing! Remember! Why oh why am I dreaming about SPIKE?!

Ever since the night she had been intimate with Riley her nights consisted of sexual dreams of the bleached menace.

Vivid dreams.

Dreams that made her wake up cresting from huge orgasms that left her body satisfied and her mind and heart completely confused.

It was different each time. But something always remained…it felt like she knew what was going to happen each time…but she was always shocked when it actually happened.

She couldn't really explain it…it was like she knew it was her in the dreams…but at the same time it wasn't.

Even more confusing was she had immediately started to lie to Riley.

Not that she had been very honest with him when they first met, but…Slayer here. Sacred duty and all. But…since Riley had found out about Spike…well…he found out about Spike!

She couldn't explain to him why she had harbored Spike, but Spike had actually done a good job of explaining something she couldn't even form into words. They had a truce. And as weird as it was that he had come back to her town twice now – after saying he would leave with Drusilla – he had adhered to his part of their deal. He had distracted Angelus' minions and Drusilla.

You would think that wouldn't constitute much but…Drusilla had killed Kendra…Spike could have let her try to kill her and really watched the world burn.

Spike's words last year of being 'nothing without her' made it clear that she had left him because of his betrayal.

As odd as it had been at the time, she had a twinge of happiness that Druscilla had left him. She didn't really know why. She wasn't the type of person to get off on another's pain…but…it had been there.

Now…now the very thought of Spike pining over 'Dru' caused a surge of anger and jealousy she didn't know she could ever feel.

Hell…Angel was around Cordelia and she didn't feel this kind of jealousy.

Looking beside her in the bed Anya continued to snore on as Willow, Giles, and Xander slept.

After everything that had just happened with Riley. Professor Walsh dying. Adam on the loose! She was forcing herself to focus and remind herself that she was in a relationship with Riley! He had been in trouble and needed her help! She had had little time to dwell on these stupid dreams.

Dreams that felt so real.

Riley- who she had begun to care for- was fighting for his life in some Initiative hospital and she had no idea how or where he was… and she was wide awake trying to keep from crying as the words of the dream were on repeat in her mind. Somehow the dream staying with her in her waking hour. Not leaving her as most dreams do…but there at the forefront of her mind as if it had happened and it was a memory somehow.

The one she had tonight had been beyond different than the sex dreams. Tonight it had ben deeply intimate…nothing about physical attraction in it…and words that she had never thought she would or could hear came out of dream Spike's mouth.

She was in a bedroom with Spike, one she didn't recognize, but they were talking…she knew that much when the dream had begun.

Closing her eyes, she tried to stop the tears as she remembered the way he had been suddenly standing in front of her.

"You think that's all that was?"

Sighing, "Please let's not go over the past." She moved around him and sat down on the bed.

Not in the least bit afraid of him for some reason, turning her back on him even - which she didn't think she would have ever been able to do.

"Oh, no, no! Oh, let's hold on here!" Spike sighed as he spun to look at her in a ticked off annoyed manner.

Staring at her directly into her eyes he said, "I've hummed along to your pity ditty. I think I should have the mike for a bit."

Tired and completely over it, as she knew she was, with a flippant hand motion she said, "Fine. The stage is yours. Cheer me up."

It was the 'cheer me up' that had shocked her more than anything else at that point, not the fact that she was in a bedroom with Spike…but that she thought he would try and cheer her up.

Spike's hands were on his waist when taking a moment of anger and annoyance he spoke something that sounded more like the Spike she knew, and had the opposite effect of cheering her up.

"You're insufferable." Spike said in an exasperated huff moving forward and leaning down as he looked at her, trying to drive the point across.

The annoyance that he was feeling seemed to transfer to her. "Thank you. That really helped." Looking away from him as he immediately responded.

"I'm not tryin' to cheer you up!"

"What are you trying to say?" Buffy immediately asked in exasperation, completely annoyed at how he was talking to her.

"I don't know!" Spike responded completely annoyed and looking at her in confusion. "I'll know when I'm done sayin' it. Something pissed me off and I just..."

Both of them seemed to calm for a second before the thing that pissed him off popped back into his head.

"'Unattainable.' That's it." Using his finger to pinpoint the word in the air.

"Fine." Buffy sighed out, completely drained of all energy, "I'm attainable. I'm a…I'm an 'attain-a-thon.' May I please just go to sleep?" Anger slightly seeping out of her voice with the question.

Spike leaned down and stared at her face even as she avoided the stare. "You listen to me."

Then…he did something that just last week he had done. Something that a spell had caused, but she knew this was not a spell. Spike knelt down in front of her, looking up at her with the same eyes…but something was different. Something she couldn't place her finger on. Yet…those blue eyes shone at her in a way she never thought would or even could.

"I've been alive a bit longer than you. And dead a lot longer than that."

He paused a moment, collecting his thoughts.

"I've seen things you couldn't imagine. And done things I prefer you didn't."

She looked away from him then, knowing she didn't want to hear this.

Spike looked over and away from her with a slight shake of his head. "Don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker."

Inhaling deeply, he continued. "I follow my blood," Giving her a quick look he looked away as he begrudgedly admitted, "which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain."

Buffy couldn't help but look at him then.

"So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred-plus years. And theirs only one thing I've ever been sure of."

The way he looked at her then…it made her insides constrict and expand all at the same time.

"You."

She could feel herself trying to fight the emotions he made her feel, especially with the way he was looking at her, but when he tried to reach up and touch her face she knew she couldn't – shouldn't let him touch her.

Lowering his arm he requested softly, "Hey, look at me."

But she couldn't.

"I'm not asking you for anything." Shaking his head as he made the statement.

Those words made her look at him.

And then the words that continued to play on loop in her brain began to pour out of his mouth. Words that even now brought tears to her eyes. Made her want to get out the bed and run and find him, wanting to hold onto the words- the dream- the way it made her feel as long as possible. One word making her whole world boil down to it as it reverberate over and over in her mind.

Love.

"When I say I love you, it's not because I want you." He shook his head, making her understand that it wasn't physical. "Or because I can't have you."

"It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do."

The tear fell down her cheek as his words filled a void she didn't realize she had. Understanding coming from the one person she should have known she couldn't lie to. The one person she could never hide things from.

"How you try."

Buffy couldn't look away from him. Not after those words.

"I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you.". Spike emphasizing the word to let her know he did know both sides.

"And I understand with perfect clarity, exactly what you are." Spike said shaking his head side to side.

He waited a second to drive home his words.

"You're a hell of a woman."

He looked at her so calmly after that, as if everything he said was irrefutable.

"You're the One, Buffy."

It had overwhelmed her to know that Spike, out of everyone that knew her, would be the one to remove all of the insecurities she had ever felt in such little words.

Him of all people. Buffy felt a tightness in her chest and tears in her closed eyes as she could still feel all of the emotions of the dream as if they had really happened.

"I don't wanna be the One." Her voice barely not cracking as she cried as everything became too much.

The small smirk he gave her, then looked away saying "I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic." Saying the last four words while looking at her face.

"We all have crosses to bear."

The chuckle came out despite everything. The levity of his quip lifting her sudden depressive thoughts.

Then she had thought the dream would stop there. That she would wake up feeling completely lost and empty like she had the first night she had these dreams.

But then something happened that made everything in her realize that these were Slayer dreams.

Because even now, as she tried to keep her crying silent so that no one could hear her, the feeling of him remained.

The peace she had felt that she recognized, but had no idea how, it stayed as she opened her eyes. Her heart plummeting the second she realized he was not there with her.

Moving back and maneuvering herself sideways on the bed, Spike got up from kneeling saying "You get some rest now. I'll check in before first light. You can decide how you want."

He hadn't made it five steps before she leaned back up, sitting up quickly and called out to him. "Spike."

Immediately he turned back to look at her.

For the first time, she felt completely vulnerable as he looked at her, her question halted by her insecurity.

"Could you…stay here?"

The way he looked at her, and the way he said "sure," letting her know he didn't understand what she was asking as he turned with a sigh seeing the only chair in the room. "That diabolical old torture device, the comfy chair. It'll do me fine." Removing his leather jacket as he named the piece of furniture, he placed the jacket on the side table when she found her voice again.

"No."

He looked at her then, not understanding.

"I mean…here." She scooched back, as he continued to just look at her, not moving until she said what she was asking of him.

"Will you just hold me?"

Not even a second of hesitancy and he was moving towards her. Scooching herself over even more she watched him position himself on the bed, but immediately wrapped his arm around her, holding her head against his shoulder as his other hand went to her knee. Cocooning her like a shield from the world around them.

His chin resting against her forehead she moved against him as the comfort he gave her was instant.

Gently his hands held her, and in that moment…she knew she had never felt anything like it in her life.

Buffy opened her eyes, trying to fight the need for his hold. Wanting to know why this was happening to her.

What the hell were these dreams suppose to be teaching her or showing her.

In what world was Spike the one to know her best? Why now? Now with Riley in her life. What the hell did it mean?!

She was afraid to get back to sleep. As quietly as she could she got up and got dressed. Patrolling was not smart with how little sleep she had been getting, but…she tried to fight the feel of his body as he held her in the dream at bay.

The next day Riley was back and she put her all into being the perfect girlfriend.

She comforted him. Reassured him. Did everything she thought a good girlfriend was suppose to do.

Then the worst timing in history happened with Faith suddenly waking up. After 8 months…she was back in her life.

Big fight in front of innocent people at the school. Then the fight to save her mom…who oddly had not been at all frightened or even angry when she burst through the window.

Then she was fighting Faith through her house…and bam! She was staring at herself.

And then she LITERALLY had walked a mile in someone else's shoe's.

When she had arrived at the church and found herself fighting against her own body…she had thought nothing could get stranger than that moment.

But it did.

A voice inside her was telling her that Faith wasn't really fighting her.

That she was really fighting herself.

It had confused Buffy until Faith had been over her, hitting her face and slamming her head against the ground. And the words Faith said made her feel such a horrible sense of sadness for her that she had stopped trying to defend herself completely.

"SHUT UP! Do you think I'm afraid of you? You're nothing. Disgusting. Murderous Bitch. You're nothing. You're disgusting."

Knowing she couldn't take much more Buffy took the opportunity to use the magic Willow gave her to get back into her body.

But the shock of what she had just experience left her staring after Faith as she scrambled her way out of the church. She tried to catch her breath as she pressed a hand to her heart, feeling the after effects of Faith's wildly beating heartbeat.

The voice in the back of her mind telling her once again that she didn't know the whole story…that Faith needed her despite what she had tried to do.

But Buffy didn't move. Still confused at what she had just experienced. What she had just witnessed.

Buffy felt something that she didn't think she could feel for Faith ever again.

Sympathy.

What did you guys think? Do you think Buffy would be acting this way? Curious about the voice in Buffy's head? Well...that's gonna be explained in the future! But tell me what you guys think! 😘