Chapter 24: Painful memories

John stood alone in the burial cave, staring at Gia's remains. Her people had wrapped her in her brightly coloured sleeping mat, and the ceremony would take place in half an hour. Teyla, Carson, Rulan, and Jolan graciously gave him time alone with Gia, but he had no idea what to say. Although he had only met her once, her wisdom changed his perspective on who he was and why other people saw him as a hero. Yet, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was just a soldier doing a job, not a hero.

According to Gia and everyone who knew him, he always put others' needs before his own, making him a hero to so many. To him, he was just a soldier doing a job. Gia also told him to remember how important family was, so he decided it was time to reconcile with Dave and put the past behind him. Even if Dave wasn't fond of John's career choice, they were brothers and were close once, and maybe they could be again. But the uncertainty of Dave's reaction lingered in his mind, mixing with a glimmer of hope for a renewed bond.

Gia had been wise and changed him in ways she couldn't imagine. Maybe his journey on Atlantis had changed him, and Gia had reminded him of who he really was. At that moment, John felt a profound sense of enlightenment and growth, as if a fog had lifted and he could finally see his true self.

He recalled the events of the past few days, a wave of emotions crashing over him. Just hours after Gia's tragic departure, John, his right leg shattered, was discharged from the infirmary with a plaster cast. A day later, they embarked on the jumper, carrying Gia's remains, and traversed the stargate to New Hilaring.

Although things had settled on New Hilaring and the Hilarians were now in control, it brought back bad memories, but he was willing to put them in the past and was happy to speak with Commander Voth again, who had assured him everything was well. The Hilarians were trying to arrange negotiations with the Coreans.

Voth and his troops had finally reclaimed the ancient warship that Sheppard and his friends had been transported off when Thickle, Tulan, and their friends claimed the ship for the Coreans. Luckily, none of the Hilarians still on board were harmed. Thickle, Tulan and their friends were now in custody on New Hilaring, waiting for the Hilarians to decide what to do with them. Lannar was also in custody, as were the other men who had tried to take over Atlantis and the ancient city on New Hilaring.

Upon their arrival on Hilaring, Minister Toth greeted them and provided reassurance that negotiations were progressing well. Rulan then led them to Gia's cave, where he and Jolan tenderly wrapped her in her brightly coloured sleeping mat. Together, they solemnly carried her to the burial cave, where she would rest in peace beside her daughter, Lila.

A gentle voice interrupted his contemplation, bringing him back to the present, "are you alright, John?" Carson asked with compassion.

"Yeah, I think I am," he whispered before adjusting the crutches under his arms.

Although his leg and underarms ached from using crutches, he felt okay for the first time in a while.

Carson nodded and smiled, "The ceremony is about to begin, and Rulan wants to know if it's okay for him and his friends to enter."

"Send them in," he replied before looking around the cave for the first time.

Gia's remains were beside a hole, and torches were on the walls, casting an eerie glow around the cavern. Ancient symbols were on the wall, and John wondered if Gia could have deciphered them. It was not unlike the burial cave they'd come across on their first trip to Hilaring a month ago, and it obviously held great significance to these people.

Jolan began to sing a song of gratitude, his deep baritone echoing off the cave walls. Rulan stared at Gia, and John didn't miss the tears in his piercing blue eyes. Although his voice was steady as he sang, Jolan appeared to be crying. When John looked at Teyla, he realised she was crying as well. Even though John wasn't crying, he felt emotional, and his heart went out to Rulan and Jolan and their loss. Thankfully, Halling was asleep in Carson's arms because the last thing he needed now was for his son to cry and fuss.

They had thought about leaving Halling on Atlantis with Amelia and Ronon, who were looking after Charin and Torren, but decided that seeing he was not quite four weeks old, it was better for him to travel with them.

Before they left, Caron had told him that Jasmine was pregnant, and he couldn't be happier for his friend.

As Rulan started to pray to his ancestors, John closed his eyes and listened out of deep respect for Rulan's traditions. He could feel the weight of Rulan's words and the depth of his respect for his ancestors, filling him with a sense of reverence and cultural understanding.

When the prayer was over, people began to leave, leaving only Rulan, Jolan, Carson, Teyla, and John standing beside Gia. In this moment of shared grief, they stood together, a testament to their love and respect for the woman.

"We will lay her to rest and stay longer; perhaps we will remain until morning." Rulan told them, "You may return to the conference cavern and partake in refreshments if you please. There is food in the back cave; you may need to heat it."

John nodded and began to hobble to the cave opening. The ground was uneven and made the trek harder than it needed to be, but there was no way he would complain. His injury was a constant reminder of his limitations, and he was acutely aware of the pain with every step. But he pushed through, knowing that Teyla needed his support more than ever.

When they arrived outside, John was surprised to see the stars were out and the night was cold. The air was crisp, and the stars twinkled like diamonds. He wondered whether he should just sit and fall asleep right where he was, but then he needed to keep an eye on the others, so perhaps he would give in to the pull of sleep when they arrived back at the cavern.

After ten minutes of hobbling over uneven ground, they arrived at the meeting Cavern, a vast underground chamber. John was happy to sit in the nearest chair and put his broken leg on another.

Carson disappeared into the back cave, and he assumed he would put Halling down. Luckily, the baby was still fast asleep.

Before he had a chance to blink, Carson was sitting beside him and talking to him, "It's time for your next dose of pain meds, General." "How's the leg feeling, John?" he added, his concern evident in his voice.

"Do you need anything to eat before you rest?" Teyla asked him with patience and understanding.

"Yes to both questions," John answered with a sleepy smile.

He was relieved when Carson gave him his medication and handed him a canteen of water. Within minutes of taking them, the pain in his leg dissipated. The only problem was that he immediately felt sleepy, and before Teyla could get him a meal, he drifted off to sleep.

oOo

Teyla was disappointed but not surprised when she arrived at the table with a meal and found her husband asleep. She knew the last few weeks had been hard on him, but certainly not as hard as the year before, where she was in stasis and he suffered a brain injury. They'd been lost ten thousand years in the past, but from what the others had told her, John had never complained. He'd also insisted on trying to do his job and protect others. A testament to the kind of man John Sheppard was.

Gia had spoken to John before she passed away, and Teyla didn't know what they had discussed, but it seemed to have changed him somehow. Before they came to Hilaring, John had discussed with her his desire to return to earth and see his brother, Dave, although she assumed this had something to do with his dreams when he had a fever. He had also discussed his desire to visit his father's grave because he felt it would help him put the past to rest. She was so worried about his willingness to put the past to sleep that she thought John was dying. Teyla's concern for John's well-being was palpable, and she was relieved when he assured her he was fine - besides a broken leg.

Ultimately, they decided to take a family vacation on Earth while John recuperated. They would spend some time with Dave, and then John would show them some of his favourite places on the planet. When they returned from Hilaring, they would pack and head to Earth.

Teyla's curiosity about John's past with Dave was more than a passing interest. She was deeply concerned, eager to understand the shadows that haunted him. Her anticipation of meeting Dave was tinged with a sense of urgency, a need to unravel the mysteries of John's life. When she broached the subject with John, his evasive response only fueled her determination. She longed to delve into his childhood relationship with Dave, but John's dismissive shrug abruptly closed the door on that conversation.

In the end, she placed the food she'd prepared, a hearty stew with a rich aroma, in the middle of the table with a pile of hand-carved plates and let Carson serve his own. Suddenly, she wasn't hungry and decided she would eat something later.

Her contemplations were abruptly interrupted by a soft, lilting voice, "Are you alright, Luv?"

"Yes, Carson. I was simply thinking about what John has been through over the last few years. It's been a lot for him, and I can't help but worry," Teyla confessed.

"Aye, Lass. It's been a difficult few years for all of us." Carson said, and she could sense the sorrow in his voice.

She looked at her dear friend and decided the years had been unkind to him. Carson was a kind-hearted soul who had faced many hardships in his past. Perhaps it was also time for him to face his past.

"Do you ever think about returning to Earth and visiting your family Doctor? I know the SGC informed them of your death, but surely they could come up with a way that you were found alive?"

Carson's smile was tinged with a hint of longing, and he had a faraway look as he spoke, "I have made a decision. I am going back to Scotland, back to my Mother. The last I heard, she was still alive. Jasmine has kindly agreed to accompany me. The SGC will inform my mother that I am alive and I will be visiting. I have no idea what they will tell her, but it doesn't matter. All I long for is to be home again. Well, revisit Earth; my home is on Atlantis, and so is Jasmines."

"Your family is going to love Jasmine," Teyla replied.

Before they could continue their conversation, a groggy voice spoke beside Teyla: "I hope you saved me some food."

"Yes, John, there is plenty of food for all of us," Teyla replied, suddenly realising that Carson hadn't eaten anything and that twenty minutes had passed since John had fallen asleep.

"Look's delicious," John stated, helping himself to a plate of hearty stew.

Teyla was still not hungry, so she sat down and watched John eat. It was good that he ate so much because he'd lost weight in the infirmary.

The silence was interrupted by Halling screaming, and Teyla knew it was time to feed and change her son.

"I'll get him," Carson offered, pushing away his barely eaten plate of stew.

"Can you please feed him inside the large cavern? His bottle is in the front pocket of my bag. Please bring me my bag when you've found Halling's bottle?"

Once Carson had left, John looked up at her worriedly, "Are you alright, sweetie? I know how much Gia meant to you?"

"I am fine, John. I am worried about you. And when Carson brings returns with my bag, we need to speak."

Teyla caught a glimpse of John's face in the pale moonlight and sensed his reluctance to open up.

She knew when Carson picked Halling up because the baby began settling down. Seconds later, Carson came out of the cavern with Halling in his arms and passed her bag to her.

"Thanks, Carson. Can you leave John and me alone for a minute?"

Carson nodded and went inside, leaving her alone with her husband.

John stared at her as she pulled a bottle of Athosian spring wine out of her bag. " Do you remember the first time we drank Athosian spring wine?" She asked with a mischievous grin and a twinkle in her eye.

John's eyes lit up, and a lopsided grin spread across his face," We'd only known each other a few weeks. We stole a bottle at the harvest festival and ran into the woods to consume it. We drank the entire bottle and fell asleep in the woods. I think Bates saw us returning to the camp the following morning. That's why he thought we had a thing, and I was protecting you from suspicion of colluding with the Wraith. But why did you bring a bottle to Hilaring?"

Teyla fixed John with a determined look, her eyes reflecting her unwavering resolve. "It's time you told me about your past, John Sheppard. And what better way to reminisce than to share a bottle of wine? Rulan and Jolan will not return until the morning, and I know Carson is tired and will go to bed once he's dealt with Halling."

John looked at her apprehensively, his eyes betraying his inner turmoil. "Should I be drinking? I am on pain meds, you know."

"Carson assures me the wine will not be a problem as you are only taking paracetamol," Teyla confidently stated, trusting Carson's judgment.

John muttered something, sounding like, "I'm going to regret this." He spoke much louder when he spoke again, "Okay, fill up my cup." He said, holding the goblet crafted from wood and moving it towards her.

John took a long drink before speaking again, "One thing I remember is this is more potent than Zelenka's moonshine, and we'll probably both have a headache in the morning."

"Do not worry, John. We must only return home and pick up our children before heading to Earth." Teyla said before taking a long drink of the wine.

"Okay, Teyla. What do you want to know?" John asked before filling his cup again.

"What happened between you and your father? You never speak much of your family or childhood."

John closed his eyes, and Teyla was afraid he would close up, but when he opened his eyes again, she sensed she would get an answer.

"Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to fly and join the Air Force. When my mother was alive, she always supported that dream. Every Christmas and birthday, she ensured I was given something to do with aircraft, a picture, a model plane or a magazine. My Dad always gave me business journals or suits." He took a deep breath and shuddered before continuing, "When my mother died of cancer when I was fourteen, my father told me to stop dreaming about the Air Force and to focus on using my abilities to help the business. That led to plenty of arguments during my teenage years. When I was old enough, I joined the Air Force anyway."

"I am so sorry, John," Teyla said, her voice filled with genuine compassion for John's hardships. She could feel his pain as if it were her own.

"Oh, it gets worse. When I met and married Nancy. I told you about Nancy, right?"

"Yes, John, you explained to me you've been married before, which does not bother me."

"Anyway. When I met and married Nancy, Dad couldn't be happier, and we were on speaking terms for a short time. The problem was he and Nancy expected me to leave the Air Force when my time was up. But because I loved what I was doing, that would never happen. Nancy wanted a husband who was home every night, but I kept flying top-secret missions and couldn't tell her about it, so eventually, she left me, and my father didn't talk to me again. When I faced a court marshal in Afghanistan, my father disowned me, and we never reconciled before he died."

Teyla felt tears brimming in her eyes for all John had endured at the hands of his family. How could his father treat John like he was nothing just because he wanted to live and follow his dreams?

"And what happened between you and Dave?" Teyla asked, her curiosity piqued as she tried to gain some control over her emotions.

"Shouldn't we be heading inside? It's beginning to get cold." John said, his struggle with his emotions evident, and Teyla could sense he was about to close up again.

"Carson left us some blankets. Would you like one?"

"Sure," he muttered before starting to shiver.

Teyla wrapped a blanket around her husband's shoulders, then put another over his legs before wrapping one around her shoulders.

The night air was crisp and cold, and the stars twinkled in the clear sky. They were beautiful yet very different from those she viewed every night from her Atlantis balcony, a stark reminder of their current place in space.

"Please tell me about Dave?" Teyla gently prodded.

A frown crossed John's face before he took another drink of his wine and emptied the glass, "Fill my cup up again because I don't think I've drunk anywhere near enough to tell you where it all went wrong with my brother."

She filled his cup and waited for him to speak, wondering how bad things could have become between John and his brother.

"When I was younger, Dave and I were as close as any two brothers could be," John started, with a faraway look, "We did everything together, and the thing we loved the most was playing superheroes."

"Superheroes?" Teyla asked, feeling a little confused. Although John had told her all about Spider-Man and the superheroes in comic books, she still couldn't imagine why kids would want to pretend to be fictional characters.

John chuckled and nodded, "One time, I dressed up as Superman and climbed on the stables' roof to see if I could fly. Dave convinced me I could if I had a cape, so I jumped off the roof and hit the ground hard."

Teyla was taken aback by Dave's encouragement of such a risky act.

"How old were you? Were you badly injured?"

"I was four, and Dave was six, and that was the first time I broke my leg. Dave was mortified by what had happened, and he sat with me while the stable boy went and fetched my mother and called an ambulance. After that incident, Dave never dared or encouraged me to do anything stupid again. I spent eight weeks in a cast, and my whole summer was ruined, but Dave spent the whole summer with me and didn't do anything either."

"What did your father say?" Teyla asked, refilling her cup and drinking another drink.

"My father wasn't impressed, but after telling Dave and me we were idiots, he said nothing more. My mother spent much time helping me build model aircraft while I was injured."

Teyla felt tears in her eyes as she asked, " When did things go wrong between you and your brother?"

"After my mom died, we began to drift apart. When Dave turned seventeen, Dad invited him to intern at the business, and he jumped at the chance—anything to get away from the big empty house. When Mom was alive, the place was filled with life and warmth, but once she died, the life went out of the house."

Teyla remembered back to how she felt when her father died, and she could feel his pain, "I am so sorry, John." She felt a pang of sorrow for John, knowing the pain of losing a loved one.

"Don't worry, Teyla. It happened a long time ago. Anyway, once my brother joined the business, he took my father's side in every argument. The only person who was kind to me after that was our housekeeper, Ellie. She encouraged me to follow my dreams no matter what."

It was getting late, and Teyla started to shiver. Looking at John, she realised his eyes were drooping, so it was time for them to go to bed. She still didn't know much about John Sheppard's past and was eager to uncover more. But the man he had become, the man she loved, was why she married him.

Teyla knew John had shared personal things, a rare display of vulnerability from a man who rarely let his guard down in front of anyone. The things he shared with her she would keep to herself and not share them with anyone unless John wanted her to.

She would now help her husband to bed before curling up beside him, something they'd done way too little over the last year. She eagerly anticipated their upcoming vacation, when she could spend quality time with her husband and children. And finally, she'd meet what was left of John's family.

oOo

The sun was shining into the Cavern, and the fire from the night before had burnt out when John opened his eyes the following day, and it didn't take him long to realise that his head was pounding. He vaguely remembered Teyla leading him to bed and her laying beside him on the brightly coloured double sleeping mat Rulan had supplied for them, but looking around the cave, he found Teyla was nowhere in sight.

As he sat up, his head throbbed with each movement, the discomfort almost unbearable. He strained to listen, his eyes scanning the cavern. Was there anyone else nearby? His head was pounding, and he longed for someone to help him out of bed. The pain in his head and leg was competing for dominance, so he might as well go back to sleep.

Ultimately, he decided to get up, "Is there anyone here?" He yelled as loud as he dared with a splitting headache.

When no one came, he lay back down and closed his eyes, trying to remember what had happened the night before. There were fuzzy memories of drinking Athosian spring wine with his wife, which explained the headache. But had he shared painful emotions from the past with her? He groaned when he remembered telling her the story about him jumping off the stables' roof. She was never going to let him live that one down. However, he trusted Teyla not to tell anyone else, and he knew she'd never mention it unless he did.

He decided he wanted to get up and see what was happening because he smelled something cooking outside and was hungry.

"Hello," John called again.

This time, Carson entered the cave and handed him Tylenol and a cup of water. " Do you need these?" he asked, and John didn't miss the smirk on his face.

"Yes," he answered in a matter-of-fact tone before taking the pills and swallowing them.

"Do you need some help up, Lad?" Carson's voice showed concern and offered a reassuring presence in the cave.

He thought about refusing the doctor's help, but then he realised he was practically lying on the floor and would struggle to get up. With a determined nod, he accepted Carson's help.

It only took a few minutes with Carson's help for him to make it outside the cavern, where Teyla was sitting holding Halling. Rulan and Jolan were also at the conference table. When he was finally seated with his broken lead raised on a chair, Carson handed him a plate of food similar to oats, immediately making his stomach churn.

"Umm…Carson, can you please take this away? It's making me feel sick. Do you have any tea?" He asked, looking at what Teyla was drinking.

"Here you go, General," Rulan said, sitting beside him and handing him a cup of tea. Luckily, Jolan took the food away to help settle his stomach.

"Thanks," he muttered before turning to his wife. "How are you this morning, Teyla?" he asked, his concern evident in his voice. Teyla was not just his wife but also the mother of his children, making her well-being his top priority.

"I must admit. I have felt better and cannot wait to go home."

"Yes, I can't wait to return to Atlantis and prepare for our vacation on Earth," John agreed, his excitement evident.

"A Ship will transport you shortly," Rulan told them, "but I want to speak to you all first."

John nodded and turned his attention to his wife and son, "would you like me to feed Halling while you drink your tea?"

"No, thank you, John," Teyla replied, "Carson fed and changed him before we awoke, which I am grateful for because I have a headache this morning."

Before continuing their conversation, Jolan approached John with the brightly coloured sleeping mat they'd slept on the night before. After Jolan had handed it to him, John placed it on the table and bowed towards the younger man, "Thank you."

"I would like to thank you for all you have done for my people. Thanks to you, Carson and Teyla, we have hope for the future," Jolan expressed, his voice filled with anticipation for what was to come.

"Thank you, Jolan. It has been an honour to help such generous people, and I wish you the very best in the future," Teyla said, and John nodded in agreement.

Rulan then presented Carson with a sleeping mat, and John couldn't help but notice the tears in the doctor's eyes. Carson was a gentle soul, which made him a good doctor.

"It has been a pleasure getting to know you both. But we are ready to move on now," Teyla said as she hugged Jolan, followed by Rulan, a sense of closure settling over them.

With Carson's help, John managed to get to his feet.

Once Carson had said his goodbyes to the two men, John began to hobble down the uneven path towards the place where they would meet Minister Toth to be transported to the Ancient warship they'd been on the first time he'd left the planet, right before the ship had been boarded. They'd then been dumped on the small, desolate 'chuck of rock' where Teyla had given birth to their son.

Over the four weeks he'd spent in galaxy KK203 - this time around. He'd had some good experiences and bad. He met some good and bad people but was now ready to return to Earth. The thought of reconciling with his brother Dave filled him with apprehension and hope, but he was determined to put a big part of his past behind him finally.

TBC…

Thank you to everyone who's still reading; there are still a few more chapters to go.