T/W: Violence

Chapter 49: Don't Go!

11 March 1990

Ivan sat in his office staring at the photo on his desk, he found himself doing that a lot lately. It was a photo of him and Gilbert smiling together after picking some sunflowers.

He had been doing much better since his sisters moved back in with him, he was eating and caring for himself again but he still felt half dead. Like when Gilbert left he took his soul with him.

As Ivan stared longingly at the photo he heard a knock on the door.

'Come on it.' He said, straightening himself back up.

Lithuania walked in wordlessly holding some papers in his hand.

'Lithuania, always nice to see you.' Ivan smiled widely.

Lithuania just wordlessly slammed the papers on the Russian's desk.

'What's this? My Boss sent me more work?' Ivan asked as he picked them up and began to read them.

That's when it sank in what he had been handed and he looked up at Lithuania with sadness.

'My people have deleted independence from the USSR, I will be leaving this house immediately, my bags are packed and a car is waiting for me outside.' Lithuania said seriously and without emotion.

'I.. I won't allow it!' Ivan growled as he jumped up from his desk, causing the Lithuanian to flinch but not falter.

'I am going, goodbye Russia.' Lithuania said before turning to leave the room.

'NO! NO! I WON'T ALLOW IT!' Ivan screamed in desperation as he forcefully grabbed the Lithuanian and lifted him from the ground.

'Let me go Russia!' Lithuania growled back as he struggled.

'NO! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME TOO! I AM NOT ALLOWING IT ANYMORE!' Ivan yelled now sobbing.

'I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!' Lithuania screamed back.

Those words were like a knife through the Russian's heart. He felt the rage consume him as he flung the Lithuanian into a nearby wall before grabbing his chest to stop his heart falling out.

Lithuania just brushed himself off and got up and looked the Russian in the eyes.

'Why are you not my friend anymore? Why would you leave? I am just trying to make a happy and peaceful world. I don't understand?' Ivan cried out, looking like a scared child.

'That is your problem Russia. You don't understand anything. You're just a giant child with too much power.' Lithuania said as he walked closer to him.

'Look at this! This is what you did to me!' Lithuania turned around pulling up the back of his shirt and showing the scars on his back.

'Your naive and I know you don't understand right from wrong but that doesn't change the fact that you hurt me. I know your bosses use your naivety to their advantage and hurt you too but that doesn't change anything.' Lithuania explained as he pulled his shirt back down and looked the Russian in the eye.

'You hurt those around you, those you claim you love. Do you know what love actually is? Because this isn't love. The fact you have no ability to even comprehend right from wrong is how I know you will never change and while I don't hate you for it, and I feel bad that you can't change, I can be around you, I can't be your friend.' Lithuania said honestly.

'Please… I don't…. Want to lose you… please…' Ivan sobbed as he held his pipe tightly in his hand.

'If you actually love me. If you actually consider me a friend, you will let me walk out that door.' Lithuania asserted, trying not to be phased by the metal of the pipe in the others hand.

'Just fucking go then. Before I change my mind.' Ivan looked away and said lowly.

Lithuania didn't say a word, just walked out and left. As soon as Ivan heard the car pull away he allowed himself to crumble to the floor.

'Lithuania…. Lithuania…. Why….' Ivan sobbed as he curled up into a ball on the floor.

'Please no one else go… please…. I don't want to be alone… please… I am afraid….' Ivan's voice wobbled as he begged out to no one.

After hours of lying there, dinner was called. After making sure he looked put together he made his way to the dinning room where the remaining 4 members of his household were patiently waiting for him to start eating.

'Lithuania has betrayed our family. I never want to hear anyone mention his name again.' Ivan said seriously as he sat down.

Ivan then pushed his plate aside and slammed his pipe on the table as an ominous aura formed around him.

'No one! And I mean no one else is allowed to leave! Understand! If I even hear a whisper of you leaving me I will punish you! If you won't accept my love then I will make you! I am just doing the best for everyone! Understand?' Ivan growled as he pushed down harder and harder on the pipe.

'Vanya, don't do-' Ukraine begged only to be cut off.

'SHUT UP!' Ivan yelled.

'DO YOU UNDERSTAND, DA?' Ivan growled once more.

Everyone nodded frantically.

'I have work to do so I will be eating in my office.' Ivan said emotionlessly as he grabbed his plate and left the room

Opening his office door he was surprised to find Ukraine had followed him.

'What do you want, Irina.' Ivan sighed, just wanting this day to end.

'Vanya, please. Fear isn't going to make anyone want to stay. I beg you brother. I don't want you to be alone either.' Ukraine cried as he hugged him from behind.

'You know what Lithuania said to me as he left… That I didn't know what love is… that I wasn't his friend.' Ivan said as tears fell down his face.

'If they don't think what I feel is love, love will never make them stay.' Ivan sighed as he bit his lip.

'You do know what love is. You just struggle showing it correctly but you can learn to do that.' Irina sobbed into his back.

'I just want to be left alone. Okay sister. Please.' Ivan pleaded.

'You will call me if you need me. If you get too upset?' Irina pushed as she held onto him tighter.

'I will… just go and eat please…' Ivan said softly.

'Okay, I love you brother.' Irina said as she pulled away and left.

Ivan just walked into his office and shut the door behind him, throwing his food into the fire. He sat on the sofa grabbing some of his vodka and downing it.

It was all coming down now and he wasn't even sure if he could save it but he had to try, right?

Ivan looked over at the wall, plastered in photo's of Gilbert. At first he had wanted to forget the Prussian but now all he wanted to do was sit in his office alone and stare at photos of him, of the life he lost and wallow in his own self pity.

'It's all your fault… They are all leaving because you did… Even though you loved me it was never enough… I was never enough… I was never strong enough to give you what you wanted…' Ivan cried as he stared at the photos.

'I would call you but there is no way you would want me now and I don't want to share you…' Ivan sighed.

'You were right, Lithuania didn't like me… Fuck you Gilbert… Fuck you for being right you asshole…' Ivan laughed maniacally as he cried.