Chapter 21 (i am not who i was)
Kazuki and Toru are quiet the entire time back, even Chizu only squeaks occasionally, and Akira can't bring herself to care. Her chest is tight, the world is pale and her best friend-.
Her boyfriend?
Partner?
Kami what term should she even be using?
Her… Gaara.
If she is to assume the worst by his capture, then….
A dark part of her hopes he's dead by now. Yes, if he were still alive, and there would be a chance of saving him, but…. The scars on Akira's back prickle and she hopes that if he is alive, that he can handle whatever form of torture they might use on him. That it won't change him like it did her. Akira feels her heart twist in her chest, and she glances back to her teammates who look at her with determined and worried eyes that match her own.
"Let's pick up the pace if we can. We'll be back a full day earlier already but let's see if we can shorten the gap. Stay close and speak up if you need a break. It'll only slow us down if we need to carry you back with us." Akira calls out as they race back leaping and dashing through their environment.
"Heard!" Toru and Kazuki call in unison and Akira glances at them from the corner of her eye, nodding.
The pride of leading her first mission, of getting her teammates on her side, of sounding like a true jonin leader, is bittersweet considering the circumstances.
Akira feels her stomach twist wondering if Kankuro is okay as well. She knows that he would do anything to defend Gaara, and Temari would be on her way back from Konoha by now. She hopes that Temari already knows. She knew her friend was strong, but this is Gaara, her baby brother, and the chance that Kankuro could be injured as well…. There hasn't been another message in the time of the last one and Akira isn't sure how to take the lack of updates.
Akira leaps over a boulder, and fights to clear her mind. Get back to the village and assess the damage. She needs to focus on that, not if her friends are currently fine. She hopes whoever has managed to defeat Gaara isn't prepared for the chaos they have just caused. Even if a quarter of the village aren't sure about their Kazekage, that still left three-fourths ready and willing to go down fighting for him. She had to trust that that her friends were okay, that they didn't do anything foolish, that they would all be okay.
It's all she could do right now anyway, as she hastily wipes away her tears.
The three of them are panting when they finally reach the village gates, at least two days ahead of schedule. Akira hurries up to the guard station at the gate and looks at the shinobi there as they stare back at her group.
"We got the message is-."
"Are you Akira Sato?" One of the two guards interrupts, a linen covering the lower half of his face and his dark eyes are unreadable as Akira blinks startled.
"Uh yes." She answers, unsure of why it matters, as Kazuki and Toru trot up beside her. The guards look at each other before each of them grab her by her upper arms. One holding each arm between them, and Akira starts to sputter some protest as their grip tightens. Akira looks between them, halfheartedly struggling due to not knowing why the sudden almost hostile treatment. Her teammates stammer a moment before they start shouting in protest as they force her to turn away from them.
"H-Hey! You can't just take her!"
"That's OUR leader!"
Akira struggles for a minute until she catches the eye of one of the guards and pauses. His narrow eyes staring into hers with an urgency that has her stomach dropping. She whips her head to call over her shoulder, to find Baki, barely making eye contact with her teammates before she is taken away in a swirl of sand.
Akira coughs blinking up at the door before her just as one of her guards drops her arm and throws the door open. She grimaces at the taste of sand on her tongue before freezing.
"We found her Lady Temari!"
Golden eyes lock onto teal ones and Akira rips her arm free as she bursts into the room. Temari's worried expression turns into one of relief as she steps closer to Akira. Temari watches as Akira arms move forward toward her as if unsure whether to hug her or not, or to possibly scan her for any injuries. Temari returns her friend's worried and awkward movement with a grateful gaze and relaxes further as she gives them all a small smile.
"Thank goodness." She breathes, and if Akira notices the corners of her friend's mouth wobble, she doesn't give any indication of seeing it.
"Temari what is-?" Akira stops at Chizu's quiet squeak in her ear and turns.
Akira is taken aback when she locks eyes with her old classmates. Neji, Tenten, and Rock Lee, the latter who lets out a long high-pitched noise of surprise at her. It's long enough for her to glance around seeing a blond-haired man with surprised deep blue eyes who stares hard at her, and a pink haired girl whose apple green eyes look at her curiously.
"AAAAKKIRRAAAA!?" Lee yells dragging out her name as she finishes her scan and looks back at him.
"Yeah, hi-LEE!" She shouts as the taller man comes and scoops her up. His arms locking impossibly tightly around her waist as he starts crying and screaming as he swings her around.
"Put me down!"
"I am so happy to see that you are doing okay!"
"I'm less okay with you doing this!"
"Lee! Just what do you think you are doing?!" Neji shouts annoyed and Lee pauses long enough to stop the spinning as Akira shoves him away and manages to leap out of his arms. "She isn't a Konoha shinobi anymore!"
Akira lands lightly before rising and takes a moment to adjust her clothes, keenly aware at the stares to her uniform and the headband that shows her devotion to her new village.
"That doesn't mean she's stopped being our friend!" Lee shouts back gesturing to Akira who just sighs and gives him a tired but amused look.
"It's nice to see you guys but again, what is going on!?" Akira looks at Temari sharply trying to figure out what had happened.
"Did you receive the message?" Temari asks and when Akira nods, she lets out an annoyed scoff. "Then why did you wait to return-."
"Gaara sent us to the ravine west of here to ensure that the rogue shinobi taking up residence there had been cleared out. I did receive the message that he was captured, and if I went off the assumption it was true, I wasn't going to half-ass my mission on the chance that some of them were still lurking around. Not when our village was vulnerable." Akira explains and Temari sighs through her nose before nodding.
"Okay I follow your logic, but yes Gaara was captured, that part of the message was true." Akira stiffens, her heart dropping as anxiety fills her. "We called for help from our allies and thankfully Konoha was able to send two parties to help us get Gaara back. He's alive thanks to their efforts, especially Naruto's." Temari takes a moment to nod to the blond man who grins and rubs the back of his neck.
"Hey it wasn't that big of a deal!" Naruto grins and Akira stands slightly taken aback at his sunny disposition.
Akira stares for a moment, studying the boy across from her. His face is kind and open and his grin is easy going. His bright blue eyes are friendly and seem almost childlike if she's honest. It's surprising how much this kid affected someone like Gaara, but given how Akira is constantly surprised by their own relationship she wonders if Gaara just prefers people like them. Akira is loud and obnoxious (especially if left around Kankuro), while Gaara is quiet and reserved, and maybe it's due to Akira and Naruto being open about their feelings, about who they are, that it makes Gaara comfortable to know where he stands with them.
Besides, with how often Gaara talks about Naruto, about the change that he had made in him, and how much Gaara treasured their friendship, Akira is immensely grateful to know it isn't one sided.
So, when she bows deeply to Naruto and the rest of the party, trying to fight back the prickle of tears in her eyes, she wishes she could do more to show her gratitude.
"Thank you for saving him. Thank you all for doing this for us." She mutters, and she swallows back the emotion in her throat, staying like that in the silence when she feels a hand on her shoulder. Akira rises a little, lifting her head to meet Temari's warm gaze before her eyes flicker to a sputtering and embarrassed Naruto.
"Hey don't mention it! I know if the tables were turned, Gaara and you guys would do the same!" He waves his hands in front of him, and Akira nods before fully rising to a stand.
"Right." She agrees nodding and tries to smile back before Temari shifts and nods to them again.
"Unfortunately, we did lose a couple of shinobi when we were attacked, and Lady Chiyo who left with them. She sacrificed herself for Gaara. They were able to defeat the Akatsuki members that captured Gaara so we don't have to worry about them too much in the future."
"Yes, just the one who got away, but he did receive a critical injury." Neji chimes in folding his arms in front of his chest as Lee nods.
"Yes, it was all thanks to the efforts of Kakashi-sensei and Naruto." Lee gestures to the bed and Akira realizes with a bit of a start, the poor man in it. He lets out a soft groan and Akira steps closer to him.
"Is he okay?!" She asks startled when the pink-haired girl leans over him and places a glowing green hand over his forehead.
"Yes, he just used too much chakra when fighting against them. Unfortunately for him though we do plan on heading out today, we got information that is time sensitive, so we have to be leaving soon." The girl carefully moves her hand down Kakashi's body, scanning carefully and much faster than Akira could do. Akira watches surprised and impressed before nodding and humming her understanding.
"So when did you move to Suna Akira? We heard you left from Masao." Tenten asks stepping forward ignoring Neji's annoyed look.
"I left shortly after the chunin exam with my mother. My brother is still in Konoha."
"Gotcha, how is Shuichi doing by the way?" She asks, and Akira has to actively stop the glare starting on her face.
"Well he's still married." She deadpans and Tenten cringes.
"H-Hey that isn't what I meant, and you know it!" Akira just gives her a blank look as Tenten's face flushes.
"What does him being married have to do with anything?" Naruto asks, tilting his head with confusion as Akira exhales through her nose.
"When we were in the academy my brother would pick me up. He became pretty popular with the girls in my class despite being 5 years older than us."
"Okay but what kind of girl doesn't like an older man that listens to his mother and loves his little sister." Tenten points out and Sakura lets out a hum of agreement.
"I do agree with Tenten on that one."
"Not to mention how pretty he was."
"Oh really-?"
"Anyway!" Akira shouts, looking more disgusted by the minute and is filled with sympathy as well as shame given this is how Temari must feel. "Is there anything else I should know?"
"There is but we can go over the details later. I just wanted to make sure you arrived in the village safely before they took off just in case we were in need of Sakura's services again."
"Alright, Kakashi-sensei should be okay to travel but he'll have to be carried. I'll look over Gaara and Kankuro one more time and we should be ready to go." Sakura says making her way to the door.
"The four of us will meet you at the village gates then. Join us when you are ready." Neji states, nodding to the rest of the group before tilting his head to the door.
"Understood." Sakura says as the group starts to file out of the room.
"I'll go with to check on my brothers and to tell your sensei. I'll have them meet us at the front." Temari says nodding to Neji and Akira looks between them before staring at Naruto again.
"It was great to see you again Akira, hopefully we will meet again soon." Lee says holding out his hand in farewell and pulling Akira's attention away but she just grins at him glad that he hasn't changed.
"And under better circumstances." Akira agrees before clasping Lee's hand and grinning at him.
"Yes, and when we do meet again, I would be honored to train with you."
"Honor would be mine." With their hands clasped, they raise them in the air in almost a fist pump before letting go and finishing with a fist bump.
"C'mon Naruto let's get going." Tenten says and Naruto nods before following, and Akira's eyes follow him before she looks at Temari. She's thankful the blonde can read her expression as she nods back, and Akira quickly dashes after them.
"Hey Naruto, can we talk really quick?" Akira asks as the blonde leaves the room. He glances at his teammates a moment confused before nodding.
"Yeah so as long as it's quick."
Akira tilts head to an adjacent hallway and Naruto follows before crossing his arms and looking at her with narrowed eyes.
"Okay so what's this-?"
"You were Gaara's first friend." Akira starts, clutching the edge of her vest as she looks at Naruto. "You got him to change, understood something about him that no one else would have. You made it so I could be his friend too." Naruto stares back almost dumbfounded as Akira stretches out a hand. "I wanted to personally thank you for getting through to him, and helping him change. He's one of my best friends now and I wouldn't have this relationship with him if it wasn't for you."
Naruto looks at her studying her a moment before he grins. "Ya know he talked about you too." Akira blinks in surprise feeling her cheeks heat as Naruto let out a little laugh. "Yeah, on the way back he told me about how one of his friends is out on mission, making sure the village stayed safe. He was worried about you." Akira wrinkles her nose in distaste and sputters a little in disbelief.
"Seriously? He's the one who got captured-." Akira freezes as Naruto bursts into laughter, folding over and holding his stomach.
"And he got your reaction spot on too!" Naruto snickers as Akira scoffs again, rolling her eyes before clearing her throat.
"Yeah, we have gotten to know each other pretty well." She smiles begrudgingly as Naruto wipes a tear from his eye.
"Ah that was a good one. Well just know that any friend of Gaara's is a friend of mine!" He grins at her, and Akira understands what Gaara meant when he said Naruto's smile was bright.
Akira grins back and offers a fist. "I think that's my line." She chuckles as Naruto bumps his fist into hers.
"It doesn't matter who says it first as long as we're friends."
"Right." Akira says and she nods once before tilting her head to the side. "I think you should get going before they leave without you."
"Oh ahh! Well, it was nice meeting you- Wait up you guys!" Naruto turns running after his friends, waving at her over his shoulder, and Akira smiles to herself and shakes her head with a sigh.
'He would be Gaara's first friend.' She thinks before her heart twinges painfully in her chest. She pauses a moment before taking a breath as she turns back toward the direction of the room.
Gaara is fine. He got rescued. They were all going to be okay.
Akira smiles as she catches up to Temari and Sakura as they step out of the room. Temari tilts her head as Sakura greets her with a smile.
"Sorry about that." Akira says avoiding Temari's gaze as Sakura nod once.
"It's all good. Let's go check on them."
Temari and Akira both nod but when Temari tries to meet Akira's eyes, she pointedly avoids them. Temari frowns still searching a moment before looking ahead as they walked. She knew coming back to everything would be a bit overwhelming for her, and she just hoped her friend was handling it well. The relief she felt seeing Akira come back uninjured, knowing her brothers were alive and would be well again soon, that her village was safe-.
Temari blinks hard once, fighting the tears, and thinks maybe Akira avoiding her gaze is a good thing. One look and her golden eyed friend would know just how close she is to losing her composure.
Sakura pushes the door open and Gaara is sitting on a hospital bed facing toward Kankuro, his back to the door, and he turns feeling at ease as his sister and Sakura walk in. Gai mutters a greeting where he stands behind Kankuro, and Sakura briefly tells him of Kakashi's condition, and he's gone in a flash saying he has an idea of how to help his friend.
But it hardly matters to Gaara when Akira trails right after, briefly moving out of Gai's way before she sees him. Her face of worry before their eyes meet and he watches as it melts into relief, and he turns more fully toward them. Tears collect in the corners of her eyes, wetting her lashes, as she blinks and gives him a small unsteady smile. She grins fully as Kankuro waves at her, and she glances between the two of them for a moment, her hands coming up to press over her mouth as she tries to take steady breaths. The relief in her eyes at seeing both of them alive, and well enough to be moving around so evident it makes Gaara's chest tighten. He scans her from head to toe for injuries and wants to reach out and assure her that he is okay, that Kankuro is fine as well and that everything will be good again soon.
"Hey took you long enough." Kankuro snorts moving to sit in a more upright before he winces. He presses a hand to his ribs and Temari hurries to his side.
"Kankuro you're still injured, take it easy."
"I'm glad you guys are alright," Akira grins letting out a breathless watery laugh and Gaara's throat tightens as she steps closer her eyes meeting his once more. Her eyes still shiny with unshed tears as she slowly lowers her hands to her sides. Sakura smiles as she steps in front of Gaara, and he turns as she raises her hands stilling for a moment and he gives a short nod before she begins.
"Yes, and it's thanks to our allies." Gaara says giving Sakura a grateful look as she smiles back. Sakura watches as she moves through her scan how Gaara's eyes have not left Akira's form even as she looks between him and his brother. How after he acknowledged her and Konoha's efforts his gaze immediately locked onto Akira again and Sakura bites her tongue even as she wonders about their relationship. She heard him talking about her to Naruto on their journey back to Suna and she would be lying if she wasn't curious about the girl Gaara's focus was on.
"We just did what you would have done for us if the roles were reserved." Sakura finishes as she steps back and turns toward Kankuro. Their eyes meet a moment with her hands raised before Kankuro nods and Temari takes a step back.
Gaara eyes could have burned a hole into Akira twice over by the time she turns from watching Sakura with wide eyes. Their eyes lock and while he's sure he's looking at her worried, her own seem clouded with worry and for a heartbeat they stare at each other almost questioning the other. She tilts her head to the side as his eyes scan her up and down again. He looks unsure before she shakes her head even as he tries to give her a small smile, trying to alleviate her worry as her mouth thins to a line. He can feel his exasperation rising at her narrowed eyes and he turns locking his gaze with Temari.
The single glance between them is all it takes as Temari gives him a short nod. "Sakura if you don't mind checking on Akira before you leave? Just a courtesy check to make sure she's fine." Gaara watches as Akira's ears burn red and she gaps at his audacious sister.
"H-Hey now I am fine!"
"You've hidden your injuries before." Temari crosses her arms, giving Akira a pointed look.
"Because I can heal myself just fine. I don't always need to be hospitalized when I come back from missions." Akira glares at Temari and Kankuro snorts to himself.
"I would appreciate you checking on her as well." Gaara speaks up and Akira turns sputtering in disbelief while Sakura gives them both a surprised look. "Akira is a talented healer. She's mainly self-taught." Gaara explains, and Sakura looks at Akira, smiling and impressed.
"Self-taught huh?" She grins and this time Akira face burns from the unexpected praise and she looks between the two of them unamused.
"For the most part." Akira admits as Sakura steps closer to her grinning immensely wide and Akira understands why Lee liked her so much when her green eyes shine with glee. "But my assignment was simple, and my teammates are fine. Out of everyone its these two that need it the most and you need to get going-."
"Look at it this way," Sakura says stopping in front of Akira. "They obviously just want to make sure you're okay. And it would give them some ease for me to check you over. If you want them to recover faster, this will help by providing them some relief." Akira stares into sincere green apple eyes and sighs before nodding. "Besides its nice to help a fellow medic. Do you volunteer here? It's a great way to stay sharp on your skills. And I'm sure the medical ninja here would be willing to help you learn." Akira blinks at her as Sakura starts to examine her and she pauses a moment.
Gaara understands far too well how relaxing Sakura's chakra can feel as Akira's eyes flutter shut, and she relaxes some from where she stands. Although it's not the same comfort as Akira's chakra is to him, it feels refreshing and warm and the whole process is almost serene. It only takes a moment before Akira blinks her eyes open as it slowly fades away and Sakura pulls her hands back. She gives Akira a smile before she steps back and Akira's face flushes.
"I-I'll think about it. That's actually really good advice." Sakura beams at her before turning to address the rest of the room.
"She's all good. A little low on chakra but a good night's rest should take care of that." Sakura watches intrigued as the siblings all relax at the news.
"Now Kankuro is going to be a bit sore still where the poison was extracted but he should be good after a few more days rest. Just be sure to take it easy in the meantime." Sakura says and Temari nods before she turns toward Gaara. Kankuro smiles a little before he catches sight of Akira's surprised and sudden worried face. He feels his stomach drop a little and he gives her an uneasy smile and he watches as she goes to say something when she freezes at Sakura's next words. Kankuro wishes he could have done something watching as the words hit Akira, a sucker punch to the gut after hearing one of them was already hurt.
"As for you, since you're still getting over the rigor mortis-."
"I'm sorry," Akira interrupts eyes wide and still on Kankuro's even if she's no longer seeing him, and he watches as the blood drains from her face. "Did you just say rigor mortis?"
"Yes-."
"And you're sure-? I don't mean any insult but-." Akira eyes fly to Sakura who looks back surprised.
"Yes, when the Akatsuki captured him, they managed to extract Shukaku. The process unfortunately killed Gaara but thanks to Lady Chio and Naruto's efforts they were able to revive him." Sakura explains evenly looking at Akira with the most sympathetic gaze as understanding hits her. She watches as Akira's eyes scan hers only to see her sincerity before they fly over to Gaara's.
"How?!" She exclaims looking between the two of them. "I am glad you're okay but-but the dead don't just come back!" Sakira takes a careful step forward giving her a steady look but Akira steps back instinctively. "He died. Y-You died!?" Her eyes locking onto him and Gaara almost looks stricken.
Quietly Sakura explains the jutsu Lady Chiyo had developed and why she used it on Gaara, and how with Naruto's help it had worked. And Gaara remembers the words they had exchanged not to long ago, assuring that they would come back to each other. And he almost hadn't been able to do that.
And he hadn't even left the village this time.
"You didn't tell her." Kankuro hisses to Temari who shoots a look back at him.
"She just arrived in the village; I haven't been able to go over all the details with her. I assured her everyone was fine-."
Akira's face is still drained of color and she's hugging her arms close as Sakura explains the events. She nods once she's done, still shell-shocked as she shakes her head and takes a step back.
"I'm sorry." Akira breathes, her gaze finding Gaara's and he tries to move out of the hospital bed at the sight of her glassy glazed eyes. She gives him a hard look that stops him unsure of how to help before her gaze goes back to Sakura's. "We are keeping you from returning to your village. Please finish your assessment. I have to go report to Baki about the status of my mission and check on my team members. I hope you have a safe journey back and again thank you for all that you've done. I will meet up with the three of you later." Akira bows deeply to Sakura, despite the dead tone she managed to find to keep her sentences steady and unstopable even as Sakura nervously tried to reassure her. She keeps her gaze low and before any of them can say anything, she steps backward and disappears in a swirl of sand.
Gaara looks at where she once stood. The regret hitting him hard from the almost heartbroken expression Akira had worn just moments before she closed herself off. He looks at his siblings who stare back with worry and concern in their eyes before he looks at Sakura who seems almost panicked from the sudden disappearance of Akira.
"Come, let's go say our farewell at the gates." He says, moving stiffly. "I'm sure she will need time to process but for now it's time to say our goodbyes."
Gaara moves toward the door and feels a single tear slide down his cheek and hopes Akira can forgive him.
Akira stumbles backward, her chest tight and she gasps, choking, trying to breath as she crumbles to her knees. She bows over, trying and falling to catch her breath as she feels tears prickle at her eyes.
Gaara died.
Kankuro was poisoned.
And Temari hadn't told her anything.
Akira feels her stomach twist and roll and her breathing getting more labored as a torrent of thoughts swarm her head before she feels her senses starting to dull. It takes her a moment to realize the light is dimming, that her palms can no longer make out the textures of the roof she is on. She tries to breathe, but even that is becoming too laborious as she starts to cough.
Akira closes her eyes and shakes her head, teeth sinking her bottom lip harshly. The pain is sharp and it's enough for her to gain some clarity. No, she can't go there again. There's too much to be done, too much to worry about and she forces herself to sit up on her heels as she finds a point in the distance to focus on. Shuichi had said to find a point, and to breathe and count. He had said it helped him when he needed steadying, that feeling unsteady sometimes was just a byproduct of the job.
Or a byproduct of losing people you cared about. They did fight with their lives on the line after all. And obviously not everyone could make it back home.
Akira forces herself to take a deep breath in, hold for three. Exhale completely for three. She counts and breathes and thinks about Shuichi making her dinner while she laid her head on the dining room table. She thinks about her mother and when she was smaller how she had run her fingers through her hair. She thinks about her father, kind and steady, who laughed loudly and made her feel safe. She thinks of Jin and the sleepovers they used to have with each other. She thinks of Masao and the times they would bounce different techniques off one another.
She can't think about Gaara, Temari, or Kankuro right now. Even if they are fine, it's the fact she had come so close to losing them. If she thinks about it too long she knows she will spiral again.
Because Gaara died, Kankuro almost died, and Akira knew Temari well enough to know she would go after her brothers. Meaning she would have willingly gone to try and die.
Akira shoves the thoughts away and feels herself steady and gives herself a hard shake all over before leaping off the hospital building in search of Baki. She hadn't lied when she had left, and right now her reaction hardly matters. Even if part of her feels betrayed to have been told like this, like an afterthought, there was much more to do.
And she hopes her friends don't hate her too much for her sudden disappearance.
She knows that it's not like they asked to be attacked, and if the tables were turned Akira would go down in flames for her own brother. She should be glad that Gaara had kept true to his word of coming back to her. But he had died and came back to her. She couldn't imagine living in a world without Gaara but knowing he would conquer death just to keep his word to her bothered her deeply in a way that surprised her.
And she isn't sure which version terrified her more.
It doesn't take long for her to find Baki and her teammates who look at her with surprise and concern. She just nods and together they give him their report. It's a solemn celebration of their success and Baki thanks them for thinking of the village. When they go to be dismissed though he stops Akira who looks at him confused before quickly thanking her teammates and waving them goodbye.
"Sir?" She asks stepping back into the office and shutting the door behind her as Baki sighs and rises to a stand.
"Do you know the status of our Lord Kazekage?" He asks carefully and Akira gives him a steady look before nodding once.
"I am aware of his current condition." Baki nods as he moves to stand in front of the desk.
"I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now given your… close relationship with him, but I was hoping you would be willing to undertake this task I'm going to ask of you." Akira tilts her head in question as Baki takes a deep breath.
"I'm going to ask you to stay with Lady Temari, Lord Kankuro and Lord Kazekage until they are fully healed. I know your skills as a healer, and they all trust you. Given the fact that the village is compromised I don't want anyone around them unless we've cleared them personally."
Akira stares at him shocked before glancing away, thinking. It only takes her a moment to process before she looks around bewildered and growls in a low voice. "This was an inside job!?"
Baki is glad for her discretion, and he feels his own rage at the situation sitting heavy in his chest. "Do you know about the opponents they faced?"
Akira spreads her arms out gesturing to herself. "I just arrived this morning sir, I wasn't made aware of Lord Gaara's condition until moments before I arrived here."
Baki sighs and rubs his temple. "I will give you the details. Once we are done here, I'll give you an hour to gather any supplies you need. From what we gather, we will want you to stay with them for about a week to help them recuperate and overcome this unfortunate event. This information doesn't leave this room. For the sake of the village Lord Kazekage must retain the image of being strong."
Akira nods once and Baki tells her everything.
Kana rises to a stand from the couch as the front door opens. She waits and watches with increasing worry waiting for Akira to slowly enter, and she is frozen to the spot as she hears the front door shut quietly, and her daughter slipping off her shoes. She can't bring herself to round the corner, she's too terrified to see Akira hurt, but given how it's not a fellow Suna shinobi telling her that her daughter was hospitalized again, she's hopeful that the mission had gone well.
And when Akira finally rounds the corner, her face haunted but otherwise unscathed, her heart finally calms and she closes her eyes, sagging with relief.
Until she hears the quietest mutter of "mama" and Kana's eyes fly open to see tears streaming down Akira's face and she panics.
"Akira what-?" Kana can't even get a sentence out, arms reaching as Akira dives into her arms and begins crying in earnest.
"H-He di-died." Akira sobs after a minute of wailing as Kana holds her and rubs her back soothingly.
"I know." She breathes because she has seen the entire battle and while she had been terrified for Gaara, there wasn't much she could do in an aerial battle. Not without getting in the way despite how much she wanted to help him.
And when the village left to meet the Konoha shinobi halfway she had seen the sacrifice Lady Chiyo had made. She had stayed back, unsure of how involved to be given she had seen this young boy grow up into the Kazekage of Suna. She was fond of him, simply because he was fond of her daughter and was there for her when she couldn't bring herself to be.
"It hurts." Akira whimpers clutching onto her mother as Kana hugs her close and hums softly in understanding.
"I know." She breathes again because she does know all too well how much it hurts.
Slowly Kana gets Akira to curl up with her on the couch, and she holds her daughter as she sobs and cries on her shoulder. She mutters some gentle reminders to Akira's babbling, and is calm as she runs her fingers through her daughter's growing hair.
"There wasn't much any of us could do," she mutters.
"I doubt you would have changed the battle, don't do this to yourself," She presses a kiss to the top of Akira's head.
"He's alive. He is here. So are you." She squeezes Akira closer trying to fight her own shaking hands.
"It hurts but it will pass." Kana gently cups Akira's face and gets her to take a deep breath.
"Even if you wanted to be here, I'm sure he's glad you weren't." This one has Akira looking at her with red swallow eyes of betrayal and Kana sighs before wiping a tear away from her daughter's face.
"If it was you," Kana swallows the cracking in her voice at the thought. "If it was you, and Gaara was gone on mission, I think you would be happy to know he was far from the village. Just in case. Not to doubt anyone's abilities but-."
"I get it." Akira gives her a wavering smile and she sighs before rubbing her face. "I'm sorry." She mutters and Kana just shrugs.
"It's a lot to come back to. Shit it was a lot to go through to begin with."
"I just… They told me like it was an afterthought. 'Oh by the way, I did die and was dead for several days. And guess what? My brother was poisoned trying to save me!' What even was that?!"
"I think that was them trying not to think about the worst that had happened and that it's by sheer luck the irreversible was able to be reversed." Kana squeezes Akira's hand reassuringly as she pouts. "I'm sure they wished to have an actual conversation with you. I mean Temari did lose one of her brothers, almost lost the other, she had to watch him suffer from poison. She was going to join them in search of Gaara but the council stopped her."
"I know, and if it was Shuichi I-." Akira stops the thought alone brings a sharp pain in her chest and she shakes her head for fear of saying it may allow it to come true.
"Exactly, it's a shit situation and I'm sorry." Kana touches her cheek and as she looks into Akira's familiar golden eyes she sighs and swallows hard. "I'm sorry for everything."
Akira blinks at her and leans into her mother's touch. "I'm sorry too." Her voice is just above a whisper and Kana smiles as she pulls her into a hug.
Akira pulls away and looks at her mom feeling a bit guilty. "I just… We had talked about… us before I left." She fiddles with a loose thread on the couch before taking another breath. "We wanted- I mean this was surprising to me, but he and I- we-."
"You two finally got together huh?" Akira snaps her attention to her mother and Kana just gives her a proud and sweet smile. "I'm glad, you'll be good for each other."
"When did- I mean how-."
"Kid you two spend almost every free minute together and go stargazing. Besides, he looks at you like you paint the sunset each evening and splattered the sky with stars." Akira feels her face heat again and she looks away from her mother's slightly joking expression.
"…I just… I wasn't sure if I wanted a change in our relationship because I knew if something happened how badly it would hurt to lose him as a friend. If I opened my heart like that-." Akira stops looking at her hands and the air leaves her lungs.
Kana shifts and gently holds her daughter's face in her hands before she sighs and gives her a stern look. "Akira Sato, I know you are braver than this." Kana squeezes her daughter's face and smiles at her. "It hurts like a bitch, it's the worst and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. To lose someone who felt like they were the better part of you… it's agony. But if you don't take the chance you miss out on so much." Kana pinches her daughter's cheeks and Akira hums in disapproval.
"I do not regret a single moment with your father. I would do it all again, every single time and I wouldn't change shit because we got you. Because Shuichi had a proper role model. I would rather rip my heart out again and again than lose you both. And your heart- your friend- Gaara came back. Yes he could die again, but do not- do not let this opportunity go."
Kana releases her hold on Akira's face and gives her daughter a teary expression. "Be braver than I am, and don't push away those who love you."
Akira swallows and nods before shifting closer and hugs her mother again. She breathes in her familiar scent of something floral and warm. The same laundry detergent she has used for years, and somehow something that reminds Akira of the woods. It hits Akira how much she has missed her mother, and while she might always be a bit angry at what happened to her, she can't bring herself to direct it at her mother any longer. Not when she understood her on this level. Because at the end of the day, it was Kana's actions that lead them all to ruin, and Akira couldn't imagine the guilt of it.
She already feels guilty enough for not being here, for acting the way she did when she found out, so she sets her anger down and buries her face in her mother's shoulder. She would rather have her mother, would rather feel safe and small again, than feel her endless rage.
"I have to go." Akira says eventually, unsure of how much time has really passed. "Baki ordered me to stay with them for a week to oversee their recoveries since they trust me."
"Probably for the best." Kana responds but neither makes a move to separate.
"I feel bad for leaving so suddenly on them,"
"Well just go and check on them, and deal with things as they come. They might not even be upset. And definitely check on Temari."
"I will." Akira says and laughs as Kana squeezes her in the hug.
"I love you kid, you guys will be fine."
"I love you too," Akira says pulling away finally and she wipes her face dry. "Thanks."
"Don't thank me for finally doing my job." Kana sighs suddenly ashamed that it had taken a tragedy for her to reach out to Akira for more than just training.
"….Well if I praise you maybe it will happen more-." Akira let out a giggle as her mother rolls her eyes and smacks her with one of the couch pillows.
"Go pack!" Kana says firmly despite the smile on her face, and she calls out once more as Akira starts on the stairs. "And Akira,"
Akira pauses on the stairs and looks at her mother's glittering purple eyes shining in amusement. "You better keep your door open when that boy is over from now on."
Kana laughs on the couch as Akira flushes a deep red, and she hears Akira's frantic footsteps as she races up the stairs and away from the conversation.
Temari gently puts another dish away and looks back at the couch were both her brothers sleep exhausted. It's a little unsettling to see Gaara with his eyes closed after what had happened, but she takes solace in the steady rise and fall of his chest. Not to mention Kankuro, who Gaara is leaning against to rest, is sleeping with his fingers on Gaara's pulse. Whether he knows it or not, his fingers are steady on Gaara's wrist and Temari smiles at the sight before she finishes cleaning up their dinner.
If she stops, doing something, anything, she's fairly certain she will fall apart.
The knock at the door startles her and she quickly looks at her brothers who don't stir as she races to open the door before the unexpected visitor can knock again.
Akira blinks at the haggard and tired expression on Temari's face before it melts into relief as she lets out a sigh. "Oh hi,"
"Hey," Akira greets as Temari steps to the side letting her in and Akira hovers by the entry way as Temari shuts the door.
"Gaara and Kankuro both fell asleep on the couch. It's been a rough few days." Temari grips her upper arm hard as Akira gives a short nod.
"Are you doing okay? I don't know how you've been handling all of this. I mean if it was Shuichi-." Akira stops as Temari lets out a short quiet laugh.
"No, I'm not okay. I nearly lost… I nearly lost them." Temari rubs at her eyes and pulls back in surprise when Akira gently reaches out to touch her other hand.
"I'm sorry Tem." Akira whispers and it's enough for Temari to hug her friend close. She lets herself be vulnerable for just a minute as Akira tightly hugs her back.
Temari always thought it was funny how Akira stayed so short compared to the rest of them. Kankuro grew like a weed, while Gaara and Temari remained around the same height. And then there was Akira, who stood just a few inches shorter than them. And now, hugging her friend close and being able to comfortably rest her head against her shoulder its benefit she's hardly grown as Temari finally let her tears flow.
"I'm sorry, for leaving like that and for everything." Akira whispers as Temari closes her eyes appreciating the hug.
"It was a lot to come back to."
"Well I'm here now. And Baki ordered me to stay for the week just to over see your brother's recovery. I mean I would have anyway." Temari laughs a little at that before she pulls back and wipes at her face.
"I know. And I appreciate it. Let's get them to bed and tomorrow we can start trying to navigate what happened from there."
"Gotcha." Akira nods letting Temari step back and recollect herself. "I figured they would still be awake."
Temari pauses and lets out a sigh. "Gaara couldn't rest easy due to both years of not sleeping and being outside the village. Kankuro could hardly rest with Gaara being gone and still being sore from the poison."
Akira steps closer to Temari and gently touches her friend's hand again. "And you?"
"I did try." Temari admits with a wry smile and Akira simply nods before the two wander back to the living room.
Akira fights back a snort at the two brothers resting against each other fast asleep. The sand siblings were still in their funeral attire, having come straight back home to rest after seeing the Konoha ninja off. Gaara's gourd sat next to the couch while Kankuro's scrolls sat in a pile on his side. She has to admit it is strange seeing Gaara sleep and for a minute, looking at his peaceful and serene face, Akira feels her chest tighten. She digs her nails into her palm and focuses on the rise and fall of his chest before she glances at Temari.
"So if you want to grab Kankuro, I'll grab Gaara." Temari glances at her quickly. "Can you carry him by yourself?" Akira scoffs at the speculation before moving toward the redhead.
"I did it before, and it should be easier now that he's not wearing his coat. If you just want to help get him on my back." Akira turns and crouches in front of Gaara, before looking at Temari's expectantly who sighs and steps forward.
Gently they move Gaara forward to rest against Akira's back, and his eyes flutter a moment before his arms tighten around her and he rest his head comfortably against her shoulder. Akira slowly rises, and carefully hefts Gaara higher on her back before she sticks her tongue out at Temari. The blonde rolls her eyes even if she is still surprised that Akira could easily carry Gaara on her back as Akira turns and heads toward Gaara's room.
Getting the door to open is a little harder without Temari's help but given how she eyes her friend carrying Kankuro down toward the basement she knows that she will have her own struggles with that. Akira manages though and stops looking at the room and quietly swears under her breath at the sight of the couch. She had forgotten it since the last time she had been inside his room.
"Room next door is empty." Gaara rasps and Akira tilts her head to look at his dazed and sleepy expression.
"You could have said that when I was struggling with the door." Akira's voice is dripping with amusement, before she turns and leaves the room. She does take a moment to tilt her head gently against his, taking a moment before moving on to take comfort in his presence.
Gaara hums, his eyes too heavy to keep open and falls back asleep, his breath warm on her neck. She rolls her eyes despite the warmth in her chest from how adorable it is to see him so drowsy, and the familiarity of this situation. Before she had struggled to do this, to get him up a mountain and out of danger. Now it is easy for her to walk with him on her back and she can't help the feeling of pride and knowledge that she could carry him for miles if he needed her to. And she would always be willing to help him.
Akira has an easier time with the door on the second time around and quickly looks around to make sure the room is clear before gently laying Gaara on the bed. He sighs resting against the bed only to be rudely disturbed when Akira shoves him toward the center. He tries to shoot her a glare, but his eyelids refuse to open more than enough to blurrily watch her pull a blanket over him. He's tired and is finally back in the village, out of the hospital, and knows his siblings are just a call away, with Akira right within view even if she is fussing over him. He lets go of his annoyance when her chakra washes over him, and he feels her warm hands rest on his forehead a moment. While Sakura's chakra was refreshing, a fresh glass of water on a warm day, Akira's brings a warmth and comfort of familiarity and care. As Gaara feels it sink into him he finally names the feeling before Akira presses a kiss to his temple. She mumbles something in his ear but he's already asleep. It would have been impossible for him to stay awake in the presence of her chakra, of her, as he finally, completely, relaxes.
Akira's chakra is a clear indicator to him that he is finally home, because she feels like home, and for the first time since this whole encounter Gaara rests easy.
Akira checks on Kankuro and assures Temari that she will be here, she starts to fully badger her friend into resting. She makes Temari a warm cup of tea and sits with her in the quiet. She hugs her close and Temari mutters her own version of events. She had a feeling something bad was going to happen and she would never ignore an omen again. Akira assures her that she couldn't have known and that she should rest. The village needed them to be okay, her brothers and Akira need her to be okay and Temari finally concedes to that before Akira gives her another hug and moves back to the living room. She looks at the gourd and the scrolls and the fan that rest against the wall on the other side. Akira nudges her bag closer to the couch and sits taking a deep breath before biting her thumb.
Chizu pops up striking another pose and Akira gives her a tired smile. "Sorry to keep calling you here but could you help me out?" Chizu gives her a salute before jumping up on the couch cushion next to her before tilting her head to the side in question.
"Thank you. Gaara and everyone here are okay. Thank you for staying until I got home." Chizu nods and gives her another pose before coming come and placing her paws on Akira's hand reassuringly. Akira clenches her jaw and gives Chizu a teary tight smile. "I know. I'm so glad too. But if you could help me watch over them. I can sense Temari and Gaara since they are on the same floor, but Kankuro was injured and is downstairs." Chizu gives a nod, and another salute and Akira wipes her eyes. "Thank you, dear friend." Akira says and Chizu almost seems to blush under her fur before scurrying to the edge of the couch. She strikes another pose as she leaps off the edge and any trace of Akira's summons is gone. Even now in the quiet house Akira can't hear her scampering off.
Akira lets out another breath of relief as Temari's chakra seems to settle and she sits on the couch focusing on sensing any changes. Her body and soul are to wound up to sleep and even now with her focus on the fluctuations of their chakra, she is slightly pleased to know fatigue hasn't quite caught up with her yet despite her outburst with her mother earlier.
After some time, Akira gets up and creeps around. Checking first on Kankuro and doing a quick scan of his body with a nod to Chizu. Her mouse summons had decided to stand vigil over Kankuro by standing on his headboard gazing down at him with her arms crossed. Akira makes a mental note to get something nice for the little mouse in the future. With a wave to her summons and a returning nod, Akira heads back upstairs and double checks Temari is sleeping. She gently adjusts her friend's blanket before grabbing the empty cup. She stops a moment and takes another deep breath before leaving the cup in the sink in the kitchen and finally checking on Gaara.
Akira peeks into the room before taking a startled step forward, almost forgetting to walk quietly at Gaara's distressed face. His chakra hasn't changed but his brow is wrinkled and his grip on the blanket is tight. Akira quickly hovers over him, her chakra sweeping over him trying to see if it is pain or not as she moves her hands from his head down his body. She's too busy checking his joints and muscles to notice and lets out a startled gasp when Gaara gently touches her hip.
Akira looks at him as he gazes up dazed at her, "Akira?" His usual deep voice is even raspier from sleep.
"Hey," Akira gently touches his hand, bringing it to his side as she sits on the edge of his bed. "You need to rest." He hums in response, eyes fluttering shut as he tries to rub his thumb against her hand.
"You… You're crying." He tries looking at her, barely seeing and Akira jerks back before touching her cheeks.
"So, it seems." She whispers before wiping them away again. "I'm just worried about you." She brushes his bangs out of the way and Gaara takes a deep inhale.
"I dreamt of you." Akira freezes, the tips of her fingers still barely skimming his forehead. "I… dreamt of a lot of things." He mumbles, his voice barely audible as Akira slowly takes her hand back. "I'm sorry for worrying you."
"You'll always worry me." Akira smiles wryly as Gaara hums again. He squeezes her hand once and Akira turns away when she feels her chest tighten with her throat.
"Stay?" Akira can't bring herself to look at him, even as he squeezes her hands again and she swallows the grief down.
"Always. I… I'm sorry for leaving and for everything you went through."
"Mission." He blearily mentions it and Akira lets out a bark of a laugh before turning back around. Of course, her mother would be right.
"…I think protecting you is my new mission." He tries to look at her again, his eyes looking more blue than mint in the dim light even if they are unfocused, and Akira gently cups his cheek with her free hand. He takes another deep breath as she strokes her thumb against his cheek. "The village needs you to stay safe. Your family… and me. I… I need you here." Akira swallows her feelings again before she takes her hand back and gently holds Gaara's hand in both of hers. "I'm not as selfless as you think I am, and I want to be selfish and ask you not to do this again, but I can't." Akira raises Gaara's hand and presses her forehead to it, so terribly grateful that it's warm. That he's here. That he's alive.
"So instead, I'll be selfish and stay. I'll protect you. I can't…." She can't bring herself to finish the sentence. Too scared that if she says her wish, the universe will rip it away from her.
It already took her father, Jin, and it tried so hard to take Gaara.
She can't bear to lose any more loved ones.
Akira lets out a shaky breath and kisses the tops of Gaara knuckles before clearing her throat.
"I'll be right here when you wake up." She assures before gently laying his hand back down only for Gaara to squeeze hers again this time tighter.
"You'll stop me if Shukaku-." Gaara grunts trying to sit up, body tense, and Akira gently places her hand on his shoulder.
"Hey hey, Shukaku isn't here anymore. He's gone. Everything is going to be okay… and yes… I would stop him again if he were here." Gaara blinks at her again, his blue eyes still dazed as he relaxes back down into the bed. He gently squeezes her hand again before bringing it to his face. He nuzzles into her palm and Akira feels her cheeks burn as he tries to fall asleep on it. "I'm gonna need my hand."
"As Kazekage-."
"Oh don't you even start." Akira can't help but giggle at how sluggish his speech has become as she manages to squirm her hand free, and he grunts in annoyance.
"Gaara, go back to sleep, I promise I'll be here when you wake. The village is safe, your siblings are safe and I'm right here. Now you just need to rest and heal."
Gaara hums again and it isn't long before his breathing goes steady again and Akira lets out a breath of relief. She moves to scan him once more, just to make sure nothing really is bothering him, when he takes another deep inhale.
"I dreamt of you… I think I'll always dream of you." He mumbles and Akira feels her heart melt and she pauses her scan to pull the blanket up more on him before pressing another kiss to his forehead. She runs her fingers gently though his hair as she presses her head against his, the top of her head against her temple watching the rise and fall of his chest.
Akira closes her eyes, sensing his chakra, feeling his warmth, and listening to his steady breathing, and let's herself finally acknowledge the depth of her feelings. Gaara once said that she pours her heart into what she cares about, and if he were right about that, then she had emptied it completely into him. She knows now in this quiet moment which one would be more terrifying now. She is certain that something deep in her soul would have shattered if Gaara hadn't come back if she had really lost him. She takes a breath reassuring herself that he is here, he is okay, and he still cares deeply for her.
"You've always been in mine." She whispers and pecks his head again before resuming her scan.
Once Gaara is back asleep, she goes back to the living room and Akira takes a shuddering breath. The whole day had been… a lot. She sinks into the couch suddenly weary but still awake enough to keep her guard up through the night. Akira looks back around at the gourd of sand, the scrolls containing puppets, and the large metal fan across the room as she pulls her pack up next to her.
And Akira sits in the dark living room, making sure all stayed quiet in the house.
-End- Song: i am not who i was by Chance Pena. Dudes I tried so hard to find a fitting song and this one was sad and hopeful enough that I think I captured the feeling with it. Next chapter will be up hopefully before the new year.
Well I hope you enjoyed. Until next time!