Chapter Five

Natalya was asleep in Linka's lap when Tanya decided it was time to go home so Linka couldn't get up, although it didn't seem necessary anyway. She'd stayed for dinner, quite at home in her friend's house, but then she'd spent half her childhood there. Mishka had immediately offered to walk her back to her parent's house which, after they were gone, Linka commented on.

"That was nice of Mishka, the streets are not as safe as they used to be." The Russian gave the sleeping child a gentle hug. "It is good to see Tanya as well, though I am surprised she spent so much time here. I know she is not working at the moment but I would have thought her parents would want to see her more."

Her grandmother stared at her trying to decide if she was serious and Wheeler chuckled softly. He hadn't quite got over their earlier discussion but he always found it hard to stay mad at her. "She means it." The American told the older woman affectionately. "IQ off the scale but totally oblivious to that sort of thing."

Linka looked at him, "That sort of thing? You mean they are…"

He grinned, "Completely hung up on each other."

"Oh."

Grandmuska was surprised, "You are not happy about it? I thought you would be pleased, he is serious about her if that is what is worrying you."

Linka forced herself to smile, "It is not that. I am just worried about what will happen if it does not work out… if something came between them. Tanya has always been like a sister to me, and Mishka… I want them to be happy."

"There is no reason to think they will not be." The older woman frowned, "Sometimes you have to trust that things will work out. Take a risk on a greater chance of happiness."

Wheeler was uncharacteristically silent, careful not to make eye contact with either of them as his heart tried to escape his chest.

For a moment it seemed like Linka would not answer but then she said, "If you take a chance on a stranger and it does not work out you can walk away and you will probably get over it. Some friendships are too precious to jeopardise that way and… sometimes it is more of a risk than you realise."

"If something is likely to come between two people who love each other, either the love is not that strong to begin with, or the friendship would not have survived either." Grandmuska said, casting a surreptitious look at Wheeler and trying to gage his reaction.

"That is not necessarily true." Linka argued, "Some things… some things you can forgive a friend for when they would be inexcusable in someone who is supposed to love you…. But there are other things, other obligations that pull your heart in different directions… there is just so much that can go wrong. I wish they had both found someone else."

The Fire Planeteer listened intently, trying to work out if her thoughts were wholly on her brother or whether she was at least in part, thinking about herself. And if she is thinking about herself, am I even a part of the picture or is she talking about Natalya's father…

Grandmuska was still frowning. "I hope you do not intend to say that to them Linka, you would make them both very unhappy and though I trust their affection is strong enough to withstand that sort of pressure I do not see any reason for you to make things more difficult for them.

"I would never intentionally do anything to hurt them!" Linka said, a little upset by the suggestion.

"Good, because I do not have many grandchildren left and I cannot bear to see another one made unhappy."

Her eyes stinging with tears, the Russian Planeteer announced that she was going to put Natalya to bed. Refusing Wheeler's offer of help, she struggled to stand up with the girl in her arms, and disappeared into her grandmother's bedroom. They'd already agreed to swap so that Linka could share with the frightened child and Wheeler wondered whether she would return or remain safely out of her grandmother's way.

Grandmuska felt guilty but she was still too irate to make peace. "Sometimes I could shake her, she is so much like her father!"

The American laughed softly, "Don't be too hard on her, she's handling a lot right now."

"Da." The old woman replied seriously, "And some of it she puts on herself."

"Linka sets very high standards."

"And they are crushing her." Grandmuska agreed. "She will not ask for your help but it is obvious that she wants it. I know it is wrong of me to put so much on your shoulders but I love them both so much… you will be there for them, won't you?"

Wheeler gave her a sad smile and nodded, "As much as she'll let me anyway."

Linka's grandmother thought about that and then sighed, "Da. Well, Mishka will be back in a minute, I think I will put the kettle on."

"Do you want some help?"

She declined and he thought she probably wanted to be by herself for a while. When she entered the kitchen he got up, hesitated, and then made for the room Linka had disappeared into a short while before.

Linka looked up in surprise as her American friend entered and put a finger to her lips to indicate that he should be quiet. Beside her, tucked under the covers, lay the sleeping form of her daughter. The Wind Planeteer rose and joined Wheeler in the doorway, ushering him back into the hall so that they would not wake the little girl.

"Is everything ok?" She asked in a low voice.

"I was going to ask you that." He whispered back.

Linka shrugged, seemingly unable to put things into words.

Tentatively, Wheeler reached for her, and when she didn't object, pulled her close against him so that her head rested on his shoulder.

"I am sorry." She told him after a while, but he hushed her.

"You have nothing to apologise to me for." He kissed her head. "And Gram's just worried about you and Mishka. Is there a reason you don't think they should be together?"

Linka was silent for a moment and then she said, "It just complicates things… I suppose that sounds mean or spiteful but I do not mean it to."

The American nodded in understanding, "Things are changing too quickly for you, aren't they? You hate disorder and being out of control and there's just too much going on right now."

Her fingers tightened involuntarily on his shirt, "I was not always so… so inflexible but it is getting harder to deal with it. With each change I see more and more things that could go wrong and I do not know how to find my balance again except to hold on to you and that is not fair to you."

"I don't mind! Really." Wheeler replied a little too quickly, his heart surging with hope. He changed the subject before she could reject him again. "Are we staying for the funeral or taking Nat home?"

It wasn't a pleasant change of topic but Linka was grateful for it anyway, the longer she could spend in his arms without drawing attention to it the better. "I would like to stay… I do not know if I should allow Nat to attend, whether she needs to go or whether it will be too much."

"Ask her." He said softly. "She's not a baby, let her make the decision for herself. Hell, I was practically taking care of myself at her age, and while I'd do anything to protect her from the kind of upbringing I had, it might help her to have a bit of control… especially if she's anything like you."

Linka's arms had tightened around him as he mentioned his own childhood but she asked, "How did you suddenly get so wise?"

"I wouldn't say I was wise, but I had a great example of how not to raise a kid." He shrugged, his voice taking on an unaccustomed note of self-consciousness. "I guess I remember some of how it felt too."

"You make me want to go back and protect that little boy." She replied huskily.

Wheeler laughed too loudly and was shh'd, "He survived Babe, and I'd rather have you with me right now than back then."

Linka smiled at the notion that he wanted her with him. It was hard to remember that he only wanted her friendship when he looked into her eyes in such a way.

They heard the front door close and her brother call out in search of his relatives. Linka pulled away. "I think I will have an early night… I do not want to say the wrong thing because I am too tired to be diplomatic."

"Sure Babe," He leant over and gave her chaste peck on the cheek. "Sweet dreams."

"You too Yankee." She gave him a warm smile, glad that they were back on good terms again even if those terms confused her.

Wheeler watched Linka and Natalya as they stood silently by their relatives' graves. The Planeteer had her arm around the young girl, who was standing very straight beside her. The rest of the funeral party had moved away to talk amongst themselves and offer their condolences to their grandmother and Mishka, but Wheeler, wanting to give them some privacy while longing to support them both, found himself hovering halfway between.

He leant against a tree, trying to look inconspicuous while he contemplated the two girls. Natalya had seemed distant all morning, not just from him but from Linka as well, and knowing how his team-mate was wont to internalise things made him worry for both of them.

At last Linka said something and they turned to walk back towards the others. Their expressions were identical, stony and devoid of emotion and under other circumstances it would have amused Wheeler but at that moment it was heart breaking. He pushed away from the tree as they came near and fell in beside them. He wanted to pull them both into his arms and let them cry it out but he had a feeling that that wouldn't be welcome.

As they reached a fork in the path Linka hesitated. "Yankee…"

"What's wrong Babe?" he asked softly, his imagination on overdrive.

She nodded towards the people still talking with her family, no doubt waiting for her and Natalya. "I know they mean well but I cannot subject Nat to their… sympathy." Looking down at the young girl beside her who was listening and watching them both with a wary expression, Linka indicated the second path. "That leads out of the cemetery, would you take her home? Mrs Rozhenko will let you in…"

Wheeler nodded, knowing that her neighbour – who had remained behind to keep an eye on the food they'd been preparing – would recognise him even if she couldn't speak English very well. "Will you be ok?"

The Wind Planeteer nodded sadly, and then addressed the young girl. "Will you go home with Wheeler, Sweetheart?"

Nat nodded and when the American held out his hand to her she took it.

"Don't let them keep you out here too long."

Linka nodded, giving him a warmer smile and then watched them make good their escape before walking down to join the others.

On finally reaching home, still with too many people as far as she was concerned, the Russian Planeteer went immediately to the room she shared with Natalya. She couldn't help smiling a little at the picture presented by her daughter and her best friend as they sat on the bed with a draughts board between them. The young girl was obviously winning.

"Dinner is almost ready." The fatigue in her voice belayed the cheerful expression she wore.

Wheeler got up and took her in his arms, holding her comfortably against him, much to her surprise. He grinned at her expression, "You looked like you needed a hug. What do you think Nat? Does Linka need a bit of TLC?"

The little girl nodded and slipped off the bed, coming over to wrap her arms about the woman she called cousin.

The American smiled at the way Linka's eyes softened as she returned their embrace. "I think you are both right, this is exactly what I need."

She sighed and for a moment gave herself over to the sense of peace her makeshift family offered. Making a sudden decision she said, "You do not have to go back out there, you can have your dinners in here if you want to?"

"Will you stay with us?" Wheeler asked, knowing she was trying to protect Natalya but not wanting her deal with any more by herself.

"I cannot." Linka replied softly, gratitude in her eyes for the concern she knew he was feeling. "It is hard enough on Grandmuska as it is."

When she would have left them however, Natalya proved how much she understood what was going on by taking Linka's hand and going with her. Wheeler grinned at the young girl when she looked up at him and gave her an approving wink. All the same he and Linka flanked her to the table to protect her from any unwanted sympathy or silly questions.

Linka was in demand with her friends and family and got little chance to sit down after dinner, whereas her American team-mate was able to distance himself a little from the conversations, which lapsed into Russian whenever he wasn't directly taking part. Long before the last guest had left, Nat had sought refuge in Wheeler's lap, curling up and falling asleep with his arms around her as if not hearing the adults chattering that filled the room.

"I envy her." Linka told him, too worn down to realise what she was saying, and her friend stored the remark away to analyse later as he did with every mark of affection she showed him. "Can I get you anything?"

"You don't have to wait on me Babe."

She stroked her daughter's hair and said, "She has nightmares when she sleeps, you make her feel safe. Getting you a drink is the least I can do."

"Anything non-alcoholic then... Babe?" he stopped her, "Do you mind? Her feeling safe with me, I mean?"

Linka smiled and shook her head, "It is something she and I have in common."

Wheeler had a hard time keeping the grin from his face, but he tried because of the occasion. He loved their little pseudo family and hoped that Linka wouldn't be in any rush to go back to being 'just friends'. Even if they weren't really more than that, it felt like they were.

Despite how exhausted she was, Linka chose to stay up after they put her daughter to bed, and said goodnight to the rest of her family in turn. The chance to be alone with Wheeler for a while, his arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder was temptation enough.

"You are quiet?" Linka commented after a while, sounding concerned. "It is not like you, are you tired, or is there something wrong?"

Wheeler gave her a squeeze, "Just thinking."

"As I said, it is not like you." She teased, drawing a smile from him.

"Can I ask you something?" His friend nodded but seemed to know that she wouldn't like the question. "Do you still love him?"

Linka blinked, "Who?"

The American rolled his eyes, "Nat's father?"

She blushed, "Oh. Nyet. I never loved him… I had a crush on him but even then I did not think it was love." She could see that he had another question dying to get out and thought she could guess what it was. Even though she had no intention of answering it she said, "Go on."

As it happened, it wasn't what she'd expected, the identity of her lover not being the foremost thing on his mind.

"Did he… force you?"

"Nyet! Bozhe' moy Wheeler. Why would you ask something like that?" She was clearly shocked, and not hiding anything.

He shrugged, relieved by her answer even though it meant he was back to being jealous. "You said you weren't in love in with him and you've always had some pretty strong notions about certain things, I don't think it was that much of a stretch."

Linka sighed sadly, "You know the person I am now better than anyone else ever will, but do not try to apply that to who I was then. My shame is my own, and it changed me." She pulled out of his arms and stood up, shaking her head when he started to speak. "I wish I could be the person you always thought I was, Jason, but I have spent too much time pretending."

He let her leave, not knowing what else to do.

To be continued…