Chapter Nine

Even though the door between the games room and the main cabin was closed, Linka could hear Kwame practising his climate change speech for their next conference.

'His next conference.' Linka mentally corrected herself, lifting her gaze from the book she'd been trying to read, to glance at her daughter, the reason she wouldn't be attending.

Nat's arm obviously felt better and although she was still fumbling the gaming controller now and then, the general air of frustration she'd shown in the early days seemed to have gone.

It would be strange to be left out of their work, she thought, but the guilt and sense of missing out it engendered was far outweighed by the peace she felt at having her child restored to her. She'd only just returned her attention to her book when Natayla suddenly stood up and rushed for the interconnecting door. Her confusion was short lived though, hearing her Yankee's voice before she reached the door.

"Hey Angel, what's up?" He let her take his hand but didn't move from the sofa despite her gentle tugging.

Linka sighed and leant against the door frame, she was going to have to be the bad guy again. Speaking deliberately softly so that it didn't sound like a reprimand, "Nat, Wheeler and Kwame are working, I will play with you if you need a second player."

Unable to ignore the young girl's crestfallen, half pleading look, Wheeler said, "I don't mind…"

"Wheeler you were helping Kwame, you cannot just drop everything every time she wants your attention." Linka said it with frustration, although she sounded angry to Nat and she cringed, releasing Wheeler's hand.

His response was to stand and lift the child into his arms, hugging her close as she wrapped her limbs around him. "You're right, I can't, which means that Nat will get a lesson in environmental protections while we play." He tilted his head to get Nat's attention although her face was buried in his shoulder and she couldn't see. "Deal?"

She nodded without looking up and he chuckled, before looking at Linka and waiting for her to move out of the way.

The Wind Planeteer shook her head but stepped into the room and to the side so that he could pass.

Kwame hadn't said anything but he made to follow his friend and as he came near she felt compelled to say, "I am sorry about this… I…"

"There is nothing to apologise for my friend." He rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder for a moment and then headed into the other room where the young girl, already restored to smiles, was loading a new game.

Linka sighed again, and rather than returning to her previous seat, dropped down in the place lately vacated by Wheeler, once more opening her novel.

Linka looked up from her book at the sound of the door closing, "Leave it open."

Wheeler continued on into the room ignoring her instruction and sat down beside her, offering one of the milkshakes he was holding. "She's happy beating Kwame for the moment, I want to talk to you."

"Spasiba," She took the drink but eyed him warily, "what do you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to know if you're ok?" he shrugged, "about earlier."

Linka smiled, "I am not mad at you for giving in to her Jason, I just do not want you to feel obligated to amuse her. However, you found a good compromise and Kwame did not mind so there is no harm done."

He smiled at her acknowledgement but said, "I meant because she wanted to play with me when you offered to."

"Oh," Linka laughed, "I do not have the knack of letting her win the way you do. I am too competitive and forget myself."

"I don't..." her eyes were dancing with mischief and he chuckled, "Well, maybe sometimes. I really can't get the hang of that thing with the rainbows and ponies though, I think it was built specifically for little girls or something."

They laughed together, unconsciously leaning in closer.

She surprised him then by offering a confidence, "I am not jealous of her time, I am just happy to have her in my life." She looked up into his eyes and pressed her fingers to her heart, "I had got used to the loss, the... the little emptiness, but it was still there. Now... I feel, I do not know, relief I suppose. A lightness that was not there before."

"Why did you give her up?" He asked quietly, "I mean, I'm pretty sure it was the best thing for both of you at the time but I can't see any of your family pushing you into it, even if they thought that."

Linka sighed, her gaze turning inwards. "Nina and I were very close back then, we had been like sisters until her marriage and we still called each other nearly every day. When I suspected the truth I was so ashamed I could not face Grandmuska or Mishka, I did not know what to do but Nina called and I ended up blurting it out to her."

She took a sip of her drink and didn't complain when Wheeler slipped his arm around her in comfort. Leaning slightly against him she continued. "Nina came and took me to the doctors and then stood with me when we told the others... I have never seen Grandmuska look so disappointed."

Brushing away an errant tear that the memory conjured up, Linka continued. "Mishka was angry, he wanted to know who the father was but I would not tell him. I was not ready for anyone to know about my condition, let alone that. Nina suggested I go and stay with her and Gregori, that they would help me while I decided what I wanted to do... I was shocked when I realised what she was suggesting. It had not occurred to me to not have the baby and I had no intention of giving it up, and I said so, but I agreed to go with her because I wanted to get away."

She took another drink but remained silent for a while. Wheeler let her, he was relaxed, holding her and just waiting for her to continue. At last she said, "I do not remember what it was that Gregori did but I remember telling Nina what a good father he would make some day, Nina agreed but then said she could not give him a child but that I could help both of them by giving them mine. I was stunned but she went on and on about what a good life they could give it and how I could go back and finish school and... it made so much sense. I did not give her an answer then but they had a nursery already set up and she was buying things for the baby and... she kept reminding me that they could offer it so much more than I could, that I was not just putting the burden on myself but on Mishka and Grandmuska. She made me feel selfish for even thinking about keeping it."

"That wasn't fair of her." Wheeler said, sounding annoyed. He placed his hand on hers. "She was thinking of herself."

"I was thinking of myself too," Linka told him, "No matter how I felt, the idea that I could just go back to normal, that I could resume my life instead of giving it up because I'd made one mistake... Do you know how single mothers are viewed in towns as small as mine? And it would not just be me that would have suffered the stigma, my family, the child... It was a mess and Nina gave me a way out that was genuinely better for all of us."

Linka shook her head, "Still, I could not have given her to anyone but Nina and she... they were so grateful and kind. We picked her name together and when we brought her home I helped, I never had to just give her up and walk away as others have had to do. Leaving her behind was still the hardest thing I have ever done though and as I said, it left a mark."

Wheeler hugged her close, not knowing what to say.

They stayed like that until the connecting door started to open, then they separated quickly. Nat stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips looking so much like her mother that it made them laugh, dispelling the mood they'd fallen into and Wheeler obeyed the silent summons.

The noise that woke Linka was a familiar one now but between the darkness and the new layout in her cabin, she still felt a momentary confusion. Finding her way to the other bed, and the young girl who was tossing about and whimpering in her sleep, the Wind Planeteer gently took her in her arms and spoke comfortingly in their native language, "It is ok Honey, it is only a bad dream. Shh, it is ok."

She rocked her until the young girl blinked up at her and then turned to bury her face in her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her waist and sobbing silently. "Let it out, it is ok, I have you safe."

The nightmares weren't happening as often since they had moved to Hope Island, but whenever they did occur they would both be tired and grumpy the following morning. Even as she thought that, Linka's mind strayed to a certain red headed team mate, who always noticed their moods and would – she knew - be ready to cheer them up.

The last time it had happened he'd talked them into teaching him how to make cupcakes, and had proceeded to make more mess than her six year old, but it had been so much fun she hadn't even minded the clean up. She smiled at the thought, unable to clamp down on her feelings when she was half asleep.

Noticing that Natalya was beginning to calm down, Linka asked her hopefully, "Do you want to tell me about it?"

The young girl shook her head and pouted up at her.

Taking a clean tissue from the night stand, she dried her daughter's wet cheeks and encouraged her to blow her nose.

As Nat snuggled against her, she leant back into the pillows to allow for a little more comfort and sang the soothing lullaby that both her mother and grandmother had sung for her when she was little. It had a beautiful lilting melody and she'd always loved it, and it made her happy to discover that her child did too.

It didn't take long for Natalya to go back to sleep but Linka remained where she was anyway holding her protectively until she herself nodded off.

To be continued…