One decision forever changes the course of life as he knows it

A SOUL TORN IN HALF (Part 1)

Mission Late Night

Sam pulled the Challenger into his normal parking spot and turned the car off. He got out of the car and walked up to the door. Sleep had been tough tonight. Michelle and their daughter were away visiting Michelle's parents for a few days and Sam always had a tough time sleeping in an empty house. He decided to come down and get some work done to keep himself occupied. He unlocked the door using the security code and opened it, locking it behind him. He walked down the hallway and noticed that there were a few lights on. Pushing against the wall he peered around the corner and saw the main room was empty. He heard faint sounds, of some impact over and over. He slid along the walls and made his way toward the gym where the sounds were coming from. As he got closer the sounds got louder and louder, then they were joined by grunting sounds. As he peered around the corner he saw the silhouette of a man punching the bag. It took him a moment to realize it was Deeks. Sam breathed a sigh of relief as he walked into the gym.

"What are you doing here, Deeks?" Sam asked.

Deeks didn't even stop or acknowledge Sam. "Couldn't sleep"

Sam smiled. "Kensi hogging the blankets?" He joked

Deeks didn't respond. Sam shrugged it off.

"I couldn't sleep either so I thought I would get some work done. Let me know when you are done and we can go get some coffee." Sam said. Again Deeks didn't respond. Sam raised an eyebrow but decided to let it slide.

He left the gym and walked over to the bullpen. Pulling out his laptop he powered it on and flicked on his desk lamp. As his computer booted up he glanced around and noticed a sheet of paper on Deeks' desk. It looked like it was crumpled up. Sam grabbed it and went to toss it away when out of sheer curiosity he opened it up and smoothed it out. He started to read

Dear Marty

I wish I had the courage to say this to you directly but I don't. You call me Bad Ass Blye all the time and talk about how tough I am but when it comes to anything related to you I become a total coward. I know you said you would be patient with me and you were, more than anyone has ever been with me in my life. The way you look at me you make me look like I am the most beautiful angel in history but I am afraid I am not, Marty. I wish I could be everything you want me to be, but I can't. I can't be that woman you need me to be. You are a good man, Marty, and you deserve so much better then what I can provide. I am sorry. Goodbye

Kensi

Sam couldn't stop his hands shaking. He knew now. Why Deeks was here. He stood up and walked to the gym.

Deeks was still punching the bag, his blond hair was coated in sweat and Sam couldn't even begin to imagine how long he had been here.

"Deeks?" Sam asked as he walked it.

"What do you want, Sam?" Deeks said, obvious annoyance in his voice.

"We need to talk." Sam said.

"I'm fine, Sam." Deeks said.

"That is crap and you know it. You are not fine." Sam said as he stepped toward Deeks.

"Why do you care?" Deeks said.

"Because you are my friend, Deeks. Not my partner, not my coworker, but my friend." He said. He held out the letter. "I know, Deeks. No sense in lying to me."

Deeks glanced over out of the corner of his eyes. "Oh that thing, What about it?" Deeks tried to shrug it off. If it was any normal person they would have bought his tone but Sam knew Deeks better than that. Deeks was one of the best undercover operations Sam had ever worked with, he knew how to hide his feelings.

"She's gone…isn't she?" Sam said.

"Does it matter? Partners come and go, don't they?"

"Not this kind of partner, Deeks. You both made it abundantly clear to us that day at the skating rink. You two where in love." Sam said.

"And look at where that got us." Deek said, hatred spewing from his voice.

"She is gone." Sam said with a sigh.

"No matter." Deeks said, sniffing and shrugging his shoulders before continued to work on the bag. Sam didn't notice until then but Deeks didn't even wrap his hands or put gloves on.

"I work better when I'm alone anyway. I spent years in LAPD doing deep cover Ops on my own and even Hetty felt I worked better alone. She sent Kensi off to the other side of the world for 6 months." Deeks said.

"You and I both know that is not the reason Kensi was reassigned." Sam said.

"Don't care. It showed me that I don't need her." Deeks replied.

"You really don't think that." Sam said.

Deeks looked over at him and stopped punching the bag. He walked over to Sam and pushed up against him, his face centimeters from Sam's

"How do you know how I feel? Huh? How do you know? You don't know. You can't. YOU CAN'T KNOW HOW I FEEL!" He yelled as he turned around and started punching the bag again. Then he turned and starting punching the lockers, denting the metal. Finally he started punching the wall which was solid concrete. The rock started to be stained with red as Deek's hands started to bleed. Sam swore he could hear bones breaking too.

Then the scream came. Sam had been though a lot in his life. He couldn't even count the number of times his life had been at risk. He was a brave man, it took one to do this job. But nothing could have prepared him for the sound that came from Deeks as his punches started to lose power. Deeks slowly slid to his knees, his hands looking like pounds of ground beef they were so shredded. Deeks started sobbing and then he screamed out loud a deep guttural scream. And for the first time in Sam's life, he was frightened. He knew what that scream was. It was the sound of someone's soul being torn in half. Deeks whole body went limp as Sam rushed to him. He grabbed Deeks in a bear hug and held him as Deeks started to cry. Anguished sounds filled the entire room as Sam could do nothing but hold on to him as his whole world was shattered. Muffled words came out from Deeks.

"How could she do this to me, man? How could she?" He was barely able to make out. Sam grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number. "It's me… I need you in the Mission…right now… It's Deeks…it's bad…real bad…..yea you better wake her up….Ok. I'll see you in 20" He said as he hung up the phone. He tossed his phone aside and returned his attention to Deeks. "It's ok, man. We will get you through this." He whispered as Deeks continued to sob. In the back of his mind though Sam was not so sure that he could ever come back from this…

TO BE CONTINUED…..

I apologize in advance for any mental anguish, depression, thoughts of suicide, weight gain due to consumption of comfort foods, and any other determent incurred due to this episode. I've had a rough day so I wanted to spread the misery a bit. Part 2 should be out in a few days. Stay tuned