Life moves on, and then the pieces become jumbled again

STARTING OVER AGAIN (Part 2)

The Mission, 2 years later

"You so did not save my ass back there, Deeks" Sam chuckled as they walked down the hallway to the bullpen.

"Did you not see yourself? You were running around like a chicken with your head cut off. Seriously, Sam, what would you do without me?" Deeks smiled as they sat down at their desks.

"Did we miss something?" Agent Lisa Grey said.

"Deeks thinks he saved my ass from some wannabe gangster that jumped us." Sam said, grinning.

"Deeks saved you? That I have to see! Pics or video or it didn't happen"Agent Ryan Mitchell said.

Deeks looked over a saw Eric come down the stairs. "Eric, please tell me you caught that." Deeks said.

"Caught what?" Eric looked confused.

"Forget it. I guess I will only know who saved the day." Deeks said, laughing.

Nell walked up to the bull pen. "Good work everyone. One less terrorist cell being supplied with weapons. Director Granger is happy…or at least I think he is. He is really hard to read." She said, they all chuckled

"All it a day's work, Nell." Lisa said.

Nell looked over to Eric. "You about ready?" She asked.

Eric nodded. "Yea. Ready when you are." He replied.

"Alright, this is it. I wanted to let you know that Assistant Director Stone is coming up from San Diego to help run things while I'm out bringing a new Agent into the world." Nell said as she rubbed her large belly. "Try not to run him off." She smiled

Everyone stood up to offer Nell well wishes. Deeks gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You let me know if you need anything, okay?" He said.

"Of course." She smiled.

Deeks clapped Eric on the shoulder. "That means you too, Dad." He said.

"Hetty offered to be in the delivery room with her. I'm not sure I could handle it" Eric grinned sheepishly.

"I will be fine. You all stay safe. I will see you in a few months." Nell said.

"Keep us posted." Ryan said as Eric and Nell left the building.

"So Deeks, wanna come over and watch the game tonight?" Sam said.

"Tempting but I need some ocean therapy so I'm going to make it an early night so I can get up in time." Deeks said as he packed his bag.

"Alright, Catch you Monday." Sam said as he and Deeks bumped fists.

"Night guys." Deeks said to Ryan and Lisa as he walked out the door and left

Beach next morning

Deeks walked out of the water, wiping the sea from his face and his hair. As he walked toward his things he saw her and froze. She sat on the sand, next to his gear and just looked at him, a slight smile on her face. He continued walking toward his bag as he stabbed his board into the sand and began to take his wetsuit off.

"Hi." She said.

"Do I know you?" He replied.

Her face soured a bit, but recovered. "You still recognize me?" She asked.

"I recognize you just fine. Doesn't mean I know who you are." He said, smiling a little inside at that barb.

Her eyes showed that the barb hit its mark. "Deeks…" She started before he cut her off.

"Don't…Kensi…Don't even start." He said, staring holes through her.

"Can I please explain?" She tried to say but her voice started cracking.

"What could you possibly say?" He said, standing up and crossing his arms over his chest. "Do you honestly think there is anything you can say that can change what you did?" He stopped trying to hide the contempt in his voice.

"No, there isn't. I wish there was. I wish I could magically make the last 2 years disappear." She said, staring out toward the ocean.

"You would like that, wouldn't you." He said.

"That's not fair." She said, wiping a tear from her eye.

"No! Do you want to know what is not fair?" Deeks said, his fists clenched to keep them from shaking.

"Do you have any idea what I went through? It took Nate 6 months to get me back to working condition. 2 more before I could even go back out into the field. Even then Callen and Sam felt they had to protect me, Nell and Eric felt they had to walk on eggshells around me, and Hetty constantly doted over me. Do you realize how humiliated I felt?" Deeks said.

Kensi started to break down. "I know."

Deeks refused to stop. "No, you don't know. Kensi. You were too selfish to think about anyone other than yourself. I just want to know why. Why did you do it?" He thanked whatever Gods were listening that they were in a secluded spot, with very few people within ear shot.

Kensi buried her head in her hands. Deeks continued to pepper her with questions. Finally she looked at him and yelled out. "I found the Ring!"

Deeks fell silent, trying to calm himself down.

She continued. "I found the ring in your sock drawer when I was doing laundry. I got scared. I'm not proud of it." She said in a low voice.

"Did you ever love me?" Deeks said.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"It's a simple question. Did you ever love me?" He repeated.

"Of course I loved you." She said.

"You are going to have to forgive me, Kensi, but I am having a real hard time believing that." He said.

"I am not here to make up for my past, Marty" She said.

"Then why are you here? Why after two years of destroying everything I cared about did you decide to come back?" He said

"I don't know. I honestly don't know" She whispered, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on her arms.

"I spent the past two years since that night hating myself. For what I did to the team and for what I did to you. I looked at myself in the mirror and hated the woman I saw. I tried to change my look, change my hair, but nothing helped. I tried seeing a therapist to help me sort it out but that only raised more questions than answers. I thought maybe if I came back I could start to put things back together."

Deeks' expression softened a bit. "So do you expect you to show back up and everything going back to the way things were?" He said.

She shook her head. "I'm not stupid, Marty. I know I hurt you and I don't ever expect you to forgive me, or to want me back in your life. But I couldn't go any further without telling you how I felt."

"Do you know when I got that ring?" He said, sitting down staring out.

"It was a few weeks after Thapa was killed. Watching him die and realizing the family he left behind made me realize how short life is. I've been around Death all my life but his death was the first one that really hammered home to me that I needed to cherish who I had right now. Not worry about the future but concentrate on the now. I wasn't planning on proposing yet, I wanted to give you some time. But I wanted to be ready at the moment I knew you were. "

She wiped a tear from her eye. "Do you still have the ring?" She asked.

"No. I sold it. I decided I couldn't wait forever." Deeks said, refusing to look at her. He knew how she would react.

She couldn't help the sob softly at that. All the pain she felt came rolling back in.

"What happened with everyone else?" She asked.

"Callen was killed in an overseas op in Bosnia. There was nothing we could do. He is buried next to his sister and the city turned his house into an orphanage. Hetty had some heart troubles last year and retired. Nell took her place as Ops Manager. Vance retired from the agency 6 months ago and Granger was selected to replace him. We have two new agents. Ryan Mitchell, Former AFOSI, sharp as a tack, Good kid. Also Lisa Grey, 15 year veteran of NYPD, relentless investigator and profiler. Sam was promoted to Special Agent in Charge and I am Senior Special Agent. Eric is still Eric. I don't think that is ever going to change." He explained.

"What about Monty, how is he?" She asked.

Deeks took a breath and hung his head. "8 months ago his arthritis became too much. He was in constant pain and wouldn't eat for 3 days, so I decided to put him to sleep. LAPD gave him a official send off and Hetty allowed me to bury him in her back yard." His voice broke, reflecting on his best friend.

"I'm sorry." Was all Kensi could say, tears rolling down her face.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours before Deeks stood up. "I should go." He said as he started to pack up his things.

"Deeks." She was able to force out. He stopped at looked at her. "I know I can't make up for what I have done. But maybe I can start over?" She said as she stood up.

"What about the others?" He asked.

She shook her head. "I'm done being an Agent. If you want to tell them, that is up to you. Maybe someday I will see them but not right now."

Deeks nodded. "I think I can do starting over." He said, a slight smile on his face

Kensi held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Kensi." She said, smiling

"Hi, Kensi. I'm Marty. Nice to meet you" He said shaking her hand.

"Nice to meet you, too. Sooo I'm new in town. Do you know of a good place to eat nearby?" She said, her hands fidgeting.

"Yea, as a matter of face I was going to go get some breakfast. Care to join me?" He said as he picked up his back and slung it over his shoulder.

"That would be awesome. I would love too." She said. Deeks waved toward his car as he started to walk away, she followed close behind him.

In response to the recent critisims. Yes, I am writing more personal drama stories. Because that is what I am good at. I am not going to write something that I don't feel is good and I am not good at writing case based stories as blatantly evident by my struggles writing the Hell to Heaven sequel. If you don't like it there are plenty of other stories for you to read.

All venting aside this will probably be the last episode for quite some time. How long? I don't know. But I am not enjoying writing this as much as I used to and one of my life rules is if you don't find enjoyment out of doing something it's time to walk away from it. Will I write in the future? Very likely. When? I have no idea. But thank you all for 13.5k views in almost 2 weeks since I started this. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the views, favorites, reviews, and followers. In case I do not continue to write for this again, it has been an absolute pleasure to write for you. Thank you!