I do not own these characters or the world, that belongs to our lovely author of MHA, Kohei Horikoshi. Also, cover art was a commission by me from the artist Krumbs. Follow them on if you'd like! They are extremely talented!
A/N: Here we go!
Thirty-three Who Knew The Handicap Toilet Had So Many Uses
Mineta lurked outside the handicap bathroom, the newly designated meeting spot he had with Ashido. Of course, he would've preferred some place else, say her dorm room, but the bathroom would have to do. He knew that there was no chance that she'd ever let the likes of him into her private space. His glimpse of it when they'd first moved into the dorms was literally going to be the only time he ever saw it. What a shame.
Their first period had just started and he'd managed to get away on a bathroom pass. Ashido was supposed to follow suit shortly. He knew that they could probably both be away for about ten minutes or so before some teacher would come looking for them. Four minutes had elapsed since he'd left so he was beginning to grow anxious about Ashido's arrival. She'd have to get here within the next couple of minutes if they wanted to have any sort of productive swap of information.
"Could you be any more obvious?" Came an irritated but very welcome annoyed voice.
"Took you long enough," Mineta sighed and pushed open the bathroom door, making way for his much taller classmate. "Step into my office."
"Ew," Ashido hissed and pushed past the diminutive boy and into the bathroom.
Mineta followed her into the bathroom and closed the door and locked it. He took a deep breath in and smiled at the familiar sights and smells of his favorite teenage masturbatory location. There were other places that were far better to rub one out at but the handicap bathroom was by far the best place to get down to business if he felt the urge while at school.
"This place is disgusting. Why do we always have to meet here?" Ashido complained as she looked around the bathroom in disgust. She wasn't wrong. While almost everywhere of UA was impeccable in terms of its cleanliness and being well kept, the handicap bathroom was somehow the only place that didn't fall into that category. There was almost always some kind of lewd graffiti on the walls, toilet paper on the floor, some sort of puddle either by the sink or the toilet, the mirror had mysterious and suspicious smudges on it, and it always had a strange and peculiar smell to it.
Of course what Mineta would never tell Ashido or anyone for that matter, was that at least half of the graffiti decorating the walls was done by him. Some of the puddles could also be blamed on him as well as some of the mysterious smudges and toilet paper on the floor. The handicap toilet was like his own personal pigsty—a mess that he always enjoyed making and one he never had to be responsible for cleaning up. For all those reasons he adored the handicap toilet and really couldn't agree with Ashido's legitimate complaints about it.
"Because it's the best place for privacy when we're in a building surrounded by people who have super human abilities and likely have eyes and ears everywhere…this is one of the only places that's free from that," Mineta said in righteous defense of the disgusting little toilet.
Ashido rolled her eyes. "Fair point. Okay let's make this quick, I want to get back to class."
Mineta snorted and rolled his eyes. "Why? Ectoplasm's lecture on imaginary numbers getting you hot and bothered?"
"Ew, don't be a pervert!" Ashido chastised and slapped the pint sized boy on the shoulder.
"Then don't make stupid demands," he snapped as he tried to regain his balance after being hit harder than he cared to admit.
"Excuse me? How is that a stupid demand? It is perfectly reasonable to want to make this quick! We're on a short timer anyway before someone comes looking for us!" Ashido retorted in annoyance, her arms crossed over her ample bust.
Ignoring her impressive breasts that practically begged for him to touch them, he said, "Okay then…I'll cut straight to the chase. Midoriya and Uraraka definitely have something going on."
Ashido rolled her eyes and huffed an annoyed sigh. "I can't, ugh, I can't believe I'm going to say it, but I can't entirely disagree with you."
Mineta felt a surge or pride and triumph race through him and he had to resist to urge the shout in pure satisfaction at being right. "Really? What made you change your mind from the incredibly unlikely scenario of Bakugo and Uraraka?"
The pink haired girl, now leaning against the bathroom wall, sighed again. "I didn't say that I'd given up on my theory, I just said that I agree that it might be more likely that there's something going on with Midoriya and Uraraka."
His triumph short lived, Mineta punched his brow in frustration. Sighing, he hopped up onto the toilet and sat down. "You still haven't given up on that? As if seeing Bakugo come running out like a raging bull the other day to attack Uraraka wasn't enough evidence for you?"
"Okay, I never actually saw that, I just heard about it and yeah, that doesn't look good for my argument, but why would he react that way if he didn't have some sort of really intense feelings about or for her? Sure, those feelings could be hatred but couldn't they be desire? Maybe?" Ashido defended.
Mineta rolled his eyes. If he'd rolled them any harder he thought they might roll out of his head and onto the floor. "Um I don't know, maybe that's true for normal people but not for mister fiery explosion murder! He could react that way because one of the lunch ladies gave him the wrong type of noodle."
"Okay that's just being unfair. Yes, he is volatile but he doesn't just blow up randomly for little things…maybe if it's coming from someone like Midoriya yeah, but they have like a complicated frenemy history and Bakugo seems to take pleasure in blowing up at Midoriya over anything and everything. Sure he's a jerk to everyone most of the time, but to react with that level of fire, well to me it says that, er well, I don't know! I guess I think it says that there's a strong underlying emotion that made him so…reactive to her and that strong emotion could be hate or infatuation maybe?"
"Weak. Weak argument," Mineta said with an exaggerated yawn.
"Don't be rude!" Ashido chastised and slapped him on the shoulder again nearly knocking him off the toilet seat.
After regaining his balance and shooting an angry glance at Ashido, Mineta said, "What? I feel like that's weak. What I saw all week was just more evidence of something going on between Midoriya and Uraraka. First there was that stupid thing about consent that we had to do and those two were paired up and they did an affirmative consent for boning—why else would they pretend to ask and accept if they weren't like already boning?"
"Uh duh, Asui and Tokoyami had a similar situation of affirmative consent and we aren't here speculating that there's something going on between them!" Ashido pointed out.
"Oh yeah, that did happen," Mineta recalled and suddenly leaned onto his palm and dug through his memory to recall the moment. He remembered them blushing and bumbling through the awkwardness of consent but that the frog had turned it around on Tokoyami and asked him if he consented to which he'd agreed. Hmm…perhaps there was something going on there? No, no, not possible. There was no way that mister obsessed with the dark and possibly the occult as well had something going on with the frog. The frog didn't seem to be too interested in much of anything romantic and she didn't seem overly interested in boys in general…was she gay? No! No! He refused to consider the possibility that someone as hot as Froppy could be interested in something other than his own sex…she couldn't be removed from the dating pool simply because she preferred the fairer sex, no. No. That couldn't be it could it? But then again, she'd done affirmative consent with Tokoyami so maybe she was interested in boys, or, he felt sweat break out on his upper lip, she was awfully close to the other girls…maybe she wasn't interested in boys? No!
"Mineta! Wake up! I literally just said something to you!" Ashido's voice cut into Mineta's deep dive into his own thoughts.
"Oh sorry, I was lost in thought over Froppy and Tokoyami…" his voice trailed off and he looked far away.
Ashido wrinkled her nose. "I don't even want to know but I do want to progress this conversation along so I will. I went and tried on lingerie with Uraraka the other day—stop making that face and wipe the drool from your mouth you pervert," Ashido narrowed her eyes at Mineta who was looking at her now with wide and alert eyes, his mouth slightly agape as if he might start drooling at the thought of Ashido and Uraraka scantily clothed, "—and I picked out a pair of green panties and a pair of orange panties and she chose the green ones. Maybe that doesn't mean anything but it seems pretty clear to me that Bakugo's favorite color is orange, or well, maybe black, but he does seem to like orange as well and Midoriya's favorite color is clearly green. I thought if I made her choose between the two and she chose the color that represented the boy it'd be a giveaway and she chose green."
Mineta snorted. "While that little test of ours rolls the dice in my favor it doesn't exactly prove anything. Sure Bakugo may have a preference for orange and Midoriya for green, but that doesn't mean that Uraraka shares that preference or that she'd even have a greater affinity for the favorite color of the boy she liked. I'm sure if you'd held up a pink pair she would've chosen that pair over the green and the orange. It's a good try but I don't think it proves anything really, not conclusively anyway."
"Didn't expect you to shoot that one down, honestly. I really thought you'd take it and gloat and be like, 'see? My theory is right! Blah blah blah!'" Ashido said in a high pitched mocking voice.
"Ashido, I take all information in regards to two of our classmates getting it on very seriously. I'd appreciate it if you did the same." His tone was utterly sincere and left Ashido staring at him in muted silence.
"Uh…sorry?"
"Accepted, now let's continue…there was the spectacle with Bakugo freaking out at Uraraka. I saw that myself and he did react violently which according to you means he's infatuated with her—weak theory but whatever—we also saw them do an affirmative consent in front of the class with both clearly being very nervous about it. I also see them shooting each other little glances every now and then, all twinkly and stuff, real suspicious," Mineta mused, stroking his chin as if there were an invisible goatee or beard there that required him to stroke it when deep in thought.
"So? Kirishima shoots me weird looks all day and that doesn't mean anything," Ashido boasted with an air of confidence that immediately struck Mineta as odd.
"Something you'd like to share with the rest of the class, Ashido?" Mineta asked slyly.
Ashido looked at him with annoyance. "No, I'm just saying is all."
Mineta nodded though secretly filed this information away for later analysis. "Okay well I saw Midoriya and Uraraka come in together on Valentines day. They both looked a little rosy cheeked and flustered…looked real suspicious to me."
"What? No you didn't, oh…wait," Ashido paused her eyes darting away as if they were literally trying to follow her train of thought. "I do remember that Midoriya left to go outside to watch the aurora borealis on Valentines Day. I didn't really think much of it because Bakugo was there and being a dick but I remember Tsu coming in and Uraraka not being with her which was a little unusual, but then I went upstairs so I never saw Uraraka or Midoirya…"
"But I did. I saw them both come in and I don't think the rosy cheeks were because of the cold," Mineta surmised a devious glint in his eyes.
With narrowed eyes Ashido said, "Oh shut up. It's not like they were out there having sex; and it was cold. Even if they were out there together it doesn't mean they were out there doing couples things. Midoriya is a bit of a nerd so it's entirely likely that when she and Tsu got back from work studies, he pulled her aside and blabbed her ear off about how cool it was. You should've heard him before he went outside, he invited all of us, Kirishima, Bakugo, and me to go see them with him. That doesn't sound like something someone who wanted to have a little romantic viewing session with Uraraka would do. Why invite all of us?"
"Because it's the polite thing to do and even though Midoriya is a nerd he's also polite, so yeah, I could see that being why he extended the invitation to you as well. What would've been more telling would've been if you accepted and to see his reaction, but obviously you weren't thinking that far ahead," Mineta added sourly.
"Rude," Ashido muttered and again crossed her arms.
Mineta sighed. "Okay. Well while I think the argument is starting to heavily lean in my favor, I'm going to say we need to collect some more data. I am continuing to doubt you Bakugo Uraraka argument but I'll let you continue to investigate that avenue."
"How thoughtful of you," sneered the pink haired girl.
Ignoring her snide remark he continued, "We gather evidence for another week. You do your girl talk thing and find out more about Uraraka and Midoriya or ugh, your theory, Uraraka and Bakugo."
Ashido sighed and looked away from Mineta awkwardly. "Well the last time we had girl talk it didn't go so well but, eh, I can always try again."
As much as he wanted to press her to find out what didn't go well about girl talk, Mineta knew that they were out of time. They would have to reconvene later to discuss whatever else they'd managed to uncover. Mineta felt more and more confident about his own theory of Midoriya and Uraraka having some sort of secret love affair. There was more and more evidence just building up. Far more than any argument for Bakugo and Uraraka had.
"Reconvene in a week?" Mineta asked and as he had the previous time they'd met in the same bathroom, he extended his pinky finger to her.
Rolling her eyes Ashido entwined her pinky finger with his and nodded. "Deal. Now I'm leaving. I can't stand to be in this disgusting bathroom for another minute."
Ashido moved from the wall and straight toward the exit, clearly eager to leave the uncomfortable space of the bathroom.
"Don't forget to wash—" Mineta started but when Ashido hissed he stopped.
"I know, wash my hand!" She snapped and then proceeded to unlock the door and exit.
Mineta watched her go and stared at the door after she'd left. As he hopped off the toilet and moved to exit he thought of Ashido's earlier statement about Kirishima and the odd air of confidence she'd exuded. It was odd to say the least. Perhaps both Kirishima and Ashido warranted more closer watching.
F/N: Let's take a minute to appreciate the sheer ferocity of Mirko. She basically rips off her own arm and goes full beast mode on Shigaraki. She is by far my most favorite female badass.