AN: Anthropology from a Pragmatic Point of View by Immanuel Kant was published in 1798. "Kant's work distills the content that he taught in an annual course at the Albertus Universität in then Königsberg, Germany, a program which Kant set forth from 1772 until his retirement in 1796." (Wikipedia).
It also happens to be the perfect title for a story about Grad Student!Neji being forced to interact with people. Enjoy!
Anthropology from a Pragmatic Point of View
Chapter One: The Party
"Young man! Deny yourself satisfaction (of amusement, of debauchery, of love, etc.), not with the Stoical intention of complete abstinence, but with the refined Epicurean intention of having in view an ever-growing pleasure. This stinginess with the cash of your vital urge makes you definitely richer through the postponement of pleasure, even if you should, for the most part, renounce the indulgence of it until the end of your life. The awareness of having pleasure under your control is, like everything idealistic, more fruitful and more abundant than everything that satisfies the sense through indulgence because it is thereby simultaneously consumed and consequently lost from the aggregate of totality." - Immanuel Kant
Neji put the car in park and peered through the windshield.
Neji wasn't sure why he was even here.
That was untrue.
He knew why he was here - he just wasn't sure how he'd gotten himself into this situation.
He hated any kind of event organized by his peers, and yet here he was, at an event organized by his peers - and not just at any event - a party.
He'd gone to one his freshman year, and made it through his entire undergraduate career and two years of graduate school without ever attending another.
Sadly, his perfect non-attendance record was about to come to an inglorious end, and at the Hidden Leaf of all places.
Unable to stall any longer and resisting the urge to mutter to himself, he locked his car, pocketed the key, and began down the path that forked at the sign; one for Konoha East, the other for Konoha West.
"So much for the road less traveled," he eyed the clearly more heavily trafficked path and followed the signs for Konoha West.
For all of his objection to his being here, Neji couldn't dispute the appeal of the place. Surrounded by trees, the sprawling property and its two enormous, Victorian homes made the fanciful name of 'Hidden Leaf Village' a fitting choice. An enterprising soul had seen the potential there, and turned the houses into rental properties. Historically, girls rented rooms in Konoha East, while boys rented rooms in Konoha West, although there were known to be exceptions. New residents were usually brought in by the existing renters, leading to few vacancies, and a coveted succession of tenants. Both houses shared a large lawn and fire-pit, multiple hang-out spaces in and out of doors, and a long legacy of having the best parties on or off campus in Konoha.
Neji stood alone on the wide, front veranda, prolonging the inevitable.
"Neji!" Naruto slapped a hand on his shoulder, startling him out of his reverie of incredulous regret. "What brings you here?"
Neji plucked the hand off of his shoulder disdainfully and grumbled, "You know precisely why I am here."
"Yeah," Naruto's grin curved wickedly. "Sorry, not sorry. Won that bet fair and square."
"Nothing fair about it," he narrowed his eyes.
"Oh, yeah. I totally hoodwinked you into this, but you agreed to it, so no complaining. Hinata just sent a text," he held up his phone and waggled it back and forth. "Ino and Sakura are bringing her over here. C'mon," he stuffed his phone in his pocket. "There's some time before the party. I'll show you around."
Neji followed in long-suffering silence, which was gleefully ignored by his host.
"Common areas," Naruto pointed to a few of the large, open rooms. "Got a study room over there, bathroom, kitchen - no bedrooms on this floor," he began to walk up the wide, wooden staircase.
"Three floors of bedrooms" he continued. "Some of us have Jack-and-Jill bathrooms, some have an en-suite. Just depends on what room you get. No one can come up here without a resident - that's a house rule."
"And your decorator?" Neji eyed the festive decorations along the banisters and hung from the ceilings.
"The girls came by and did a bunch of that," Naruto grinned. "We co-host these parties, but it's at our place this time. They tend to do the winter party because they have the best fireplaces. The firepit and the bonfire clearing is closest to our house, so we get a bunch of the outdoor parties."
"And do they normally have hordes of strangers in their home as well?"
"Only on every other Tuesday," Kiba interjected, stepping into the hall. He jerked his chin up at Neji. "Hyūga. Having a look around? We might have a vacancy, you know."
"Oh, Didn't I tell you?" Naruto asked innocently. "Neji's here for the party."
Kiba looked between the two of them, eyes wide with disbelief. "No shit?"
Naruto looked at Neji with a "Well?" expression, and the other man gave a single, grave nod.
"That…," Kiba's grin was slow and far too like Nartuo's for Neji's liking. "That might be the best thing I've heard all week. You going to join in the game tonight?"
"He sure is," Naruto interjected. "Shikamaru added him to the bracket last night."
"Troublesome," a voice called down the hall.
Naruto and Kiba exchanged grins.
"Well, then," Kiba's clapped Neji on the back.. "Looks like tonight will be fun after all. C'mon Akamaru - let's go finish setting up."
Kiba jogged down the stairs, a giant white dog following in his wake.
"You allow pets?" Neji wrinkled his nose.
"When they are a trained service and guard dog?" Naruto arched an eyebrow. "Hell yeah. Never had to clean up a mess from him. Can't say the same for all of the people that come through."
Naruto rattled off the names of several other residents, several of whom Neji recognized, several of whom he did not. They stopped by long enough to wave to Shikamaru, before heading down the back stairs to the kitchen where Choji was at work. No longer the only guest at the party, Neji was relieved when Naruto led him back out to the back yard.
"I gotta go help set up - Chōji's in there if you need anything. And don't worry," he grinned slyly. "I'll be back."
"Lucky me."
Naruto laughed, and walked away, unoffended, leaving Neji to his own devices.
The early autumn air was crisp, promising a cool night, and a bonfire later. Strings of party lights were becoming brighter in the last hints of daylight, and laughter and anticipation wafted in the air.
As the crowds, grew, Neji did an admirable job distancing himself, but it wasn't long before he was spotted as a new (and handsome) face. More seasoned partygoers recognized his 'leave me alone' expression, but there were always the hopeful - or the blatantly uncaring. After multiple deflections, Neji finally decided to see if Chōji needed anything in the kitchen.
He arrived just in time to find his cousin and her friends helping.
"Neji!" Hinata lit up when she saw him. "You came!"
"Told you he would," Sakura said, nudging her.
"It's just that he's so busy," Hinata said, her cheeks flushed a pretty pink. "I haven't been able to meet with you for almost a month!"
"Sorry," genuine regret tugged at his heart. "I've been pretty deep in it this year."
"You don't have to tell us," Sakura laughed. "Grad school is kicking all of our asses."
"You mean med school," Ino snorted. "Sakura is sickeningly smart and started college as a junior. She's pretty much our version of Doogie Howser."
"Still," he met his cousin's eyes. "I am sorry."
"Nothing to forgive," she placed a hand on his arm.
"How's it coming, girls?"
Naruto entered the kitchen, rubbing his hands together. Neji did not miss the way Naruto's eyes immediately found Hinata, nor how her eyes lit up upon seeing him.
"We'll be down in a minute," Sakura put a tray of things in the oven. "Why don't you two take those down to Kiba," she nodded to the two large lidded bins.
"Can do. Neji? You got this?"
Neji picked up the bin easily, despite its weight.
"Lead the way."
Kiba's grin curled when he saw Neji.
"Well, look at you being all helpful! You might get into this party thing yet, Hyuga!"
"Hardly," Neji handed over the bin and brushed himself off.
"Behold," Naruto clapped a hand on Neji's shoulder as he turned him around. "The pride of Konoha West!"
There, In the middle of the Konoha West back patio and under a cheery crisscrossing of party lights, was the legendary beer pong table of the Hidden Leaf. Constructed by previous tenants, it was said that it was employed by the residents to host one of the most elaborate versions of the game ever imagined. Even Neji - who studiously avoided all things of this ilk - had heard of its legacy.
"Great, isn't it?" Naruto surveyed the setup, hands fisted on hips.
"If you want alcohol poisoning," Neji snorted.
"Nah, we don't play like that at Hidden Leaf. True, we put out way more cups than most people, but most of them aren't even alcohol - some are something tasty, some are something nasty - sort of the Bertie Bots of Beer Pong."
"The what?"
"Ask Hinata," Naruto shrugged. "She loves those books."
Neji arched an eyebrow at Naruto, who grinned in return. "Want to ask her to see if I'm right?"
"I'll take your word for it," Neji said dryly, well aware that it was exactly that sort of bet that had gotten him into this situation in the first place. But as his cousin came across the massive lawn, with a sweet smile on her kind face, he couldn't be too angry about it.
"Here," she handed him a bottle of water. "You look thirsty."
"Thank you," he took it gratefully.
"Doesn't this look like fun?" she asked, her eyes alight with that singular naive joy that both endeared her to her older cousin, and terrified him.
He lowered the bottle from his lips.
"You aren't thinking of playing, are you?"
"Well… maybe," she glanced between him and Naruto. "I mean - I don't really know how, but it looks like fun, doesn't it?"
"Don't worry," Naruto put an arm around Hinata. "We'll show you how it works. Hey, Ino!" he looked over Neji's shoulder to their approaching friend. "Shikamaru got the brackets up yet?"
"He's working on it," Ino grinned, before turning a bright smile to Hinata. "Do you have a second? I want you to meet some of our friends."
"Sure," she smiled warmly. "See you both in a bit?"
"Sure thing, 'Nata." Naruto winked, and Ino led a blushing Hinata away.
"Okay," Naruto turned back to Neji. "You can let it out now."
"This wasn't part of the deal," Neji glowered, keeping his voice low and terse. "Bet or no bet, I won't let you put Hinata in a situation she can't handle."
"Relax, Neji," Naruto held his hands up. "I told you - I've got this covered, okay?"
"Define 'covered.'"
"It means that I would never let Hinata be put into a compromising situation, and I certainly wouldn't make someone who's probably never had more than table wine at dinner go hardcore on a drinking game. That's not how we do it here at Hidden Leaf."
The solidity and honesty that met Neji's soul-reading stare reassured him.
"I'm watching," Neji warned.
"Oh, I'm counting on it," Naruto smirked.
Neji felt slightly reassured as the game started. His first relief came when he realized that the many cups were filled with different things - and not all liquid. Ino and Sakura were helping to monitor the cups, and what went into them.
"Don't worry," Sakura leaned over to confide in him. "We sort've turned this into a game where you can drink rather than just a drinking game. Ino and Kiba and I monitor the cups - for the newbies there is barely two beers altogether."
"I appreciate that," Neji replied, arms crossed, eyes alternatively on the game, and on where his cousin stood nearby, watching Kiba and Shino play another team. "But if I think for even a second that this is more than she can handle, we're leaving. Bet or no bet."
"That's fine," Sakura shrugged. "You'll have to move fast, though."
"And why is that?"
"Because you'll have to get to her before Naruto. Or Kiba. Or Shino. Or Tenten."
"Tenten?" he quirked an eyebrow. "Who's that?"
"One of the guys' roommates. Had a class with Hinata, and they've hung out a few times."
"Hung out?" Neji furrowed his brow. "Where? When?"
"Campus? Here at the house?" Sakura shrugged. "Sometimes at our place. Wherever."
"She never mentioned," he mused, growing suspicious.
"I wouldn't worry too much," Sakura hid her smile.
"Is this Tenten single?"
"As far as I know."
"Then I have to worry."
Sakura shrugged again.
"You can judge for yourself," she pointed to the giant bracket Shikamaru had outlined for the beer pong tournament.
Neji grimaced.
There on the board it read: Naruto and Hinata vs. Neji and Tenten.
"Fine," Neji thought. "I'll set him straight then."
The games started, much to the pleasure of the gathering crowd. Neji scanned the gathering throng of people and wondered where this Tenten guy was.
Someone behind him called out, "Hey, Tenten! Where've you been?!"
He turned just in time to see a gaggle of people laughing and greeting one another. One of them stood out from the crowd, purple paint streaked on his cheeks, hood pulled up on his head.
"Tenten!"
He and several others lifted their hands in greeting. He turned back to whoever he was speaking to, leaning over to hear whatever they are saying before smirking into laughter.
Neji decided he hated him.
"Alright there, Hyūga?"
Neji turned to find Kiba eyeing him in amusement.
"Fine," he said stiffly. "Just ready to get this over with. Where is this housemate of yours?"
"Akamaru," he patted the head of the large dog. "Go get Tenten."
The dog trotted off while Kiba nodded to the table.
"Rules," he began, and filled Neji in on the basics of the game as played in Konoha West. "And don't worry about Hinata," Kiba added as Neji cast a doubtful eye over the many more-than-10 cup arrangement on the table. "We kept the table set for rookies, and Tenten knows how to work the table. She'll be fine."
Neji doubted that, but it was too late to do anything about that now.
"Hi," a new voice said over his shoulder. "You must be Neji."
He turned, mentally prepared to politely tell another female that he was uninterested and to kindly fuck off, but stopped short. Instead of being met with flirtatious energy, the girl was calm and staid. He'd been expecting the all-too-familiar idiom of girl-dressed-for-party (specifically girl-dressed-for-party-that-wanted-something-from-him) but was met instead with its antithesis. She looked perfectly comfortable in a worn hoodie, and battered boots-over-jeans, and no more interested in him and their introduction than he'd been in Akamaru's .
"I am," he said cautiously. "And you are?"
"Tenten," she held her hand out to him. "Your partner for the evening."
Neji was taken aback.
"You're Tenten?"
"Who'd you think she was?" Kiba snorted. He held a fist out to her. "Knock 'em dead, roomie. Hyūga - just try and keep up."
Neji stared blankly at them as they executed some complicated roommate fist-bump jutsu.
"You're Tenten?" he asked, looking down at her again, and then back to the gaggle of friends. "But I thought…"
"That I'd be a guy?" she offered, amusement tugging at her lips. "No worries. Happens all the time when you are the only girl in a house full of guys. Kiba explain the rules to you?"
Neji nodded.
"Naruto and I talked this over," she nodded to the table. "I'll throw for Hinata, and you throw for Naruto - that means that whatever cups I hit Hinata has to take, and vice versa. Make sense?"
"I guess so."
"Trust me," she grinned. "This is the best arrangement for playing with a pair of newbies. And I promise I won't do anything to screw over Hinata. The girls already made sure that there wasn't enough alcohol on their side to do any damage - even if she drank all of it."
"I'm not so sure about that," Neji grimaced. "Hinata doesn't drink - it wouldn't take much."
"Trust me," Tenten smiled. "It will be fine."
Something in the naked honesty of her gaze resonated with him, and he found himself saying "Alright."
It turned out his fears were unfounded. Not only had the girls made sure there wasn't much alcohol involved, some of the cups had candy, or slips of paper with something silly on them - adding a dimension to the game Neji had never encountered.
Naruto was surprisingly good at the game, Neji realized ruefully, and he'd had his fair share of drinks to take - as had Naruto.
Hinata didn't do badly, and Tenten had been a good sport about taking whatever she got - which was whatever Hinata managed to hit.
But Tenten was masterful at the game. She made it look effortless and casual, but Neji recognized the precision with which she made her throws, unerringly hitting her target. It took him several turns to realize Naruto was signaling which cups she should hit - as if the two of them had a side game going on. Her misses were never misses - they balanced perfectly in the gap between two or three cups, or bounced off of a rim and into Naruto's waiting hand - they were calculated shots.
The result was that their team was behind, and Hinata hadn't had to drink alcohol, even once.
As the cups cleared, the game became trickier, and the friends on the side re-racked the groupings several times until only a few cups remained.
"You're not bad," Tenten said as Neji finished the drink from Naruto's last throw.
"And you are quite good," he replied, as she considered her next shot. It landed perfectly in a cup of punch - the same drink Hinata had been enjoying earlier.
"No alcohol in that one," she assured him quietly.
Hinata tossed a ball that landed into a cup, and she gave a wry smile. "Can't say the same for that one, though," she picked up the cup and toasted the other team.
Naruto and Hinata won in two more turns, amid cheers and high fives. She flushed with happiness, as Naruto beamed at her, murmuring something in her hair that made her laugh before he kissed the top of her head.
Neji watched her smile bloom into something otherworldly as Naruto wound their fingers together and held their hands up to more cheers.
He noticed Tenten's smirk.
"You planned this."
Tenten shrugged.
"I don't know what you mean. Hey, big guy!" she smiled at Akamaru. "Let's go get the next set of players." She looked over her shoulder. "Nice game, Neji." And disappeared into the crowd.
"That's our girl," Kiba sighed happily before nudging Neji. "Best. Wingman. Ever."
"Neji!" Hinata was laughing as she stood in front of him. "There you are!"
"Hinata," he nodded. "Naruto. Nice game."
"I can't believe we won!" Hinata beamed. "That was fun!" she looked around. "Where's Tenten?"
"She said something about getting the next players," he glanced in the vague direction she had gone."
"Oh," a tiny frown pulled at her lips. "I wanted to tell her the good news."
Electricity skittered down Neji's spine, but he managed to ask calmly. "Good news?"
"Yeah," she blushed shyly. "I've been formally invited to live in Konoha East. And… and I decided to accept."
"Accept?" Neji's eyes went wide, his mind racing. Before he could even begin to ask her to consider what all of that implied, Naruto stepped in.
"Isn't it great?" he slung an arm around Hinata, the mischief in his eyes tinged with warning. "The only way to become a resident is through invitation, and the girls loved Hinata so much, they unanimously agreed she'd be a great addition. I've never seen a petition to the landlords go through so fast. They said to say hi to your dad, by the way," he said to Hinata. They enjoyed meeting with him last week."
"Last week?" Neji's eyes darted between them.
"Sure," Naruto continued. "We send our recommendations to the folks that own this place, and they make a point to meet with the family of the residents when it makes sense to do that. The girl's house is way stricter - Granny Tsunade is really picky - but she loved Hinata."
"I wanted you to meet them," Hinata took his hand, "But you've been so busy with school - I don't know how you managed to get the time to come tonight, but I'm so glad you did. It...It's alright if..." she hesitated. "You'll come visit me, won't you?""
And now everything made sense - the ridiculous bet Naruto cornered him into last week, the many precautions taken to get Hinata here and comfortable, the way she looked up at him with that strange mix of hope and affection that reminded him of when she was a small girl and loved him like her hero.
"Of course," he conceded with just the barest hint of a sigh.
"Thank you," Hinata beamed, her entire being alight with joy. "I really do like it here. Tonight has been fun, don't you think?" she looked around almost wistfully.
Neji did his best to ignore Naruto's goading smile and focus on his cousin. "It was definitely a new experience."
"Don't worry," Naruto squeezed Hinata's shoulder. "Bonfire season has just started! There's plenty more fun to come! I have a feeling the two of you will fit right in."
And with Hinata's hopeful "You think so?" and Naruto's "I know so," Neji felt the final pieces of Naruto's plan bolt in place around him.
Before he could interject, Ino, Sakura, and several the other girls gathered gathered around Hinata, giddy over the news. The residents of Konoha West were quick to follow, and Neji stepped back until he was on the periphery of the impromptu gaggle. Soon Hinata was scooped onto Kiba and Naruto's shoulders as a cheer erupted around her.
"She'll be okay, you know."
Neji snapped his gaze to the side, to find Tenten standing next to him, calm and unbothered as she watched her housemates toast the newest addition to Konoha East. Hinata dipped out of sight for a heartjarring second before the boys stood back up with her, clearly to her surprise.
"You sure about that?" he grumbled as the "Three Cheers for Hinata!" call started and she dipped in and out of sight.
"Yeah," she gave a small chuckle. "It'll be good for her. You'll see."
"I hope you're right," he sighed.
"I am," she shrugged. "See you around, Neji," she gave a smile, and went to join her housemates in congratulating Hinata.
"Yeah," he said to himself. "See you around."
And with that, Neji resigned himself to the inevitability of fate.
Despite all of his previous assertions to the contrary -
- tonight would not be his final party at the Hidden Leaf.
Thank you for reading! This will read more like a drabble series - I hope you enjoy it!