A/N: Has anyone noticed this site is overrun with artists lately? Like, is anyone reading this who isn't trying to get me to commission them for their art anymore?

Disclaimer: still not mine!

Ursa was quiet.

The change wasn't particularly drastic. She'd been just as excited to see him as usual, throwing her arms around him and pulling him into bed (which, really, truly, never got old). The journey to her parents' home had been rather standard as well, Ursa carrying gifts from the capital as always and chattering about the cake her mother was making for her this year. It was a creamy mango delight, light and fluffy. Ursa had cut and shared a slice with Iroh, and just like that, she was twenty-one.

Today, though, the quiet had started. First it had been the trip back to the coast, which he'd written off as the normal sorrow she felt about leaving her parents. Then there was the brief voyage to Ember Island, which she'd spent watching the waves rather than talking about what she wanted to do on the island this year, but she'd always been rather prone to seasickness. Now, though, they were at the public beach, ice cream cones in hand, and she was still rather quiet and studying the horizon like a book. Maybe her stomach was still upset, but surely she had enough sense to not eat three scoops of ice cream if that was the case.

"Join me for a dip?" Iroh offered once they'd finished eating.

"No, thanks." Her head shook a bit slowly. "I'm enjoying the sun."

"You feeling okay?" he checked. "You've seemed kind of mellow today."

"I'm fine. Might just be that time of the month."

Yes, she did usually get a little lethargic ahead of her bleeding. But, as he slipped into the waves and dunked his head, Iroh couldn't shake the instinct that this was something else.

"Check this out," he offered, bringing her a pale blue seashell he'd found. Her collection lined the walls of the beach house, and his additions to it usually made her smile. Hopefully, this one would too.

"Oh, it's so pretty," she gushed, turning it over in her hands. "And it's almost whole. I like it a lot."

"Want to look for some with me?"

"Maybe in a bit. But I'll definitely keep this one."

Something was definitely off, he decided. Was she upset that he'd been gone so long this time, even missing the New Year? Blast, what could he do to cheer her up if even ice cream and seashells weren't enough? He dipped underwater again, pushing himself a few yards out, before surfacing and glancing back to see if she was watching him or the horizon.

Instead, she was looking at a family that had set up their umbrellas and towels not too far away from her. A mother and a father and one, two, three children, he counted. Two laughing girls with pigtails fearlessly charging into the ocean, the oldest of whom was maybe ten, and a boy who was toddling unsteadily after his sisters as they splashed into the waves. Ozai had behaved similarly on beach trips with Iroh, back when they'd come here together. The mother was acting like Yuna too, hovering at the edge of the shore and yelling something inaudible at her girls; probably pleas to be careful, not go too far, wait for their brother. The father just waded into the ocean, scooping up his struggling son and playfully tossing him into the air, before cradling him in one arm and proceeding to join the girls' splash fight.

Ursa watched it all, the shrieking and giggling and squabbling that accompanied an ordinary family's day at the beach. She liked people-watching, Iroh knew - it was one of the reasons she liked visiting the public beach instead of just staying at their own private one - but this felt different. What was she thinking about? Her own family, perhaps, but she'd never been to the beach before she'd met him. Maybe she wished she could have them here too. Well, that could be arranged, if Jinzuk and Rina were up for a boat ride at their age.

"Hey," he shook the water out of his hair before sitting next to her again, "What do you think of inviting your parents to Ember Island sometime?"

"My parents?" She tilted her head like the thought hadn't occurred to her. "Well, my dad doesn't like the water much, but my mom might enjoy it since she grew up on an island. But it'd be a pain for my mom to find someone she trusted enough to look after her greenhouse. That was always her biggest concern whenever we left town for the Fire Lily Festival."

If Ursa was particular about her plants, Rina was practically surgical in her precision. "I can see that. Maybe you can invite them out later this year."

"Maybe," she agreed, casting him a quizzical look. "What made you think of that? It's kind of sudden."

Was it? He'd thought he was onto something. "Well…I just know you wish you could be with them more, and they don't like being in the capital. Ember Island's a decent middle ground."

"I guess it is. That's a sweet thought, Iroh."

Blast; even with that small, grateful smile, she was still subdued. Ice cream, seashells, and now her parents: none of it was breaking the thin shell she'd constructed around herself. Was it him? Had he been away for so long that things were awkward now?

"Hey, is something wrong?" she asked softly. "You've got a funny look."

"I…" I wish I could make you happier? I wish I'd come home sooner? "I feel like things are kind of weird," he began hesitantly. "Between us. Maybe because I've been gone for a while. I'm sorry."

"I see." She scooted closer to him, tentatively resting against his damp shoulder. "Well, I don't think it's because you've been gone."

"Really? What is it, then?"

"Iroh, how would you feel about…trying?"

"Trying what?"

Her cheeks reddened as he glanced at her. "You know…for a baby?"

Oh.

A baby.

"You feel ready to try?" he asked, proud of himself for keeping his voice steady. That was why she'd been staring at the family: thinking of her future children, not her parents. Well, he'd been close in his guess. Not that it was much reassurance with his heart pounding.

"I think so," she offered, although the way her fingers were twirling together undercut the response. "How do you feel?"

He felt a little bit like when King Bumi had sent him flying down the mail slides of Omashu. "It's kind of sudden, I think. We haven't discussed kids at all since Kai Ming's twins were born."

"I know, that's why I'm bringing it up again now."

Good point. "Well, um…kids are fun." In his corner of his vision, the toddler from the nearby family tripped and fell and began to wail. "And they do…that."

Ursa giggled, thankfully not offended. "Yeah, they do."

The mother rushed over to the boy, helping to his feet, dusting him off, and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Just like that, he was off again, like the fall hadn't even happened.

"Do you not want a baby yet?" she asked, something a little desperate in her voice. "Because you can just say so."

"It's not that I don't want one. I guess I just don't know…that I do want one? I don't feel a particular desire either way. I know we'll have them eventually, and I'm looking forward to that, I suppose I'm not feeling like this is necessarily the right moment." He reached over and took her hand. "Maybe it would help me sort through my thoughts if I understood why you feel like this is the right time?"

"I…can't really put my finger on it." Her voice was soft, and still sort of shaky, although her fingers had shifted to trail across the star-shaped scar on his palm. "Honestly, I was out in the garden a couple weeks before you came back, watching the turtleducks with their new hatchlings and it just sort of…hit me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She peered over at him, smiling shyly. "I want a baby, Iroh. Your baby. Really."

Despite his heart still going at twice its usual rate, that small declaration still spoke to some warm instinct inside him. His dearest Ursa - his wife, his love, his everything - had already given him so much, and now she wanted to give him a baby too. How had he gotten this lucky?

"Are you sure?" he whispered. "This is really what you want? Not my father or any of the capital gossip messing with your head?"

"You think I haven't learned how to deal with all that noise in three years?" She kissed his cheek. "I love you for asking, but of course this is what I want. I'm so sure I stopped taking the tea after you got back."

"Is that right?"

"Mmhmm." Her eyes twinkled mischievously. "I know you have to be off the tea for a few days too for anything to happen, but it doesn't hurt to get an early start trying, don't you think?"

That was enough of an invitation for him. Ursa laughed as he gathered up their beach supplies in record time.

Iroh, cont.

I still don't understand what exactly was wrong on that day. Maybe I'd been away from home for so long I wasn't able to see through Ursa's performances anymore. Maybe I'd simply never been subject to a full show of her acting ability before. Either way, I believed the sweet little turtleduck story she spun up, and I thought I was the one dragging my feet about my parenthood now.

If I'd known…if I'd been a good enough husband that she felt like she could be honest with me…I don't know how much would have changed in the long run, but Ursa might've been spared so much unnecessary heartache in her journey to motherhood. Spirits know she suffered enough grief about motherhood without being forced into it in the first place.

Ursa, cont.

I cried, that year at the beach house. It was the first time Ember Island couldn't smooth me over, and it wouldn't be the last. It wasn't just that I didn't want a baby; I didn't want to be trapped by the prophecy again. I'd worked so hard, carving out a life I enjoyed in the palace, filled with flowers and theater and love….I'd almost forgotten why I had to create that life in the first place. Azulon didn't care much what I did, so long as I didn't embarrass or harm his family. He just wanted me to give him his powerful Avatar heirs. His demands for grandchildren made me feel like an empty vessel, a broodmare, only good for what Iroh might make out of me. It was the kind of vile, slimy feeling that seeped into my marital bed and solidly ended the honeymoon phase of my marriage, especially since I didn't dare tell Iroh what was on my mind.

I was afraid to tell him. I think, back then, I still feared Azulon more than I loved Iroh. I shouldn't have. It might've preserved some of the joy of motherhood for me.

But I didn't. Instead, I slipped into the bathroom after making love each night at the beach house, and I cried as silently as I could.

Iroh didn't have a good sense of how quickly babies could be conceived. Father had always made it sound like if he even so much as looked at a girl the wrong way, she'd get pregnant, but that had clearly been about ensuring Iroh wouldn't go around producing bastard heirs before marriage. He and Ursa had returned to the capital the previous day, marking about a month of trying…was that enough? Would she be showing when he came back from the Earth Kingdom in the fall?

If that was the case, if everything went well (spirits willing), there'd be a baby in his arms by this time next year. Iroh felt queasy. He'd rather sneak back into Omashu than be responsible for one of those fragile, squishy little-

"What's wrong with you?"

"What?" Iroh glanced up at his friends, blocking out the noise of the bar around them. "Sorry, what were you guys saying?"

Piandao exchanged a look with Korzu. "Look, Your Highness, I know you're probably still half in vacation mode, but this hangout was your idea."

"Yeah, I know," Iroh admitted. "Sorry."

"What's on your mind?" Korzu asked mildly.

On one hand, Iroh pretty much always went to these two for advice his father couldn't give. On the other, neither Piandao nor Korzu had even been in a long-term relationship, let alone married and on the verge of fatherhood; Korzu's heart was in his work, and Piandao had never invited serious attention from noble girls lest they found out his true background.

But it wasn't as if there was anyone else he could share with. "Do you guys ever think about…" Iroh hesitated, "...kids?"

The reaction was instant: "Oh Agni you knocked her-" "Congratula-"
"No one's pregnant!" Iroh cut off Piandao's horror and Korzu's excitement. "Not yet, anyway. We're just…starting. Talking about it, trying it. I guess."

"You two are talking about it, or your dad is?" Piandao pointed out.

"The two of us. I'm pretty sure." Ursa had been very insistent that this was coming from her every time he'd pressed her about it. "I wasn't expecting her to want it this soon, honestly. The idea of kids seemed to freak her out the last time we talked about it."

"When was that?"

"Um, after Kai Ming had her twins."

"So, a good two years ago," Korzu deduced. "Women tend to experience these stirrings when they've been in a happy marriage for about that long. I've seen it plenty of times before. It just means you've been such a good husband to her that she's started to think you'll be a good father as well."

Iroh hadn't considered that perspective. "But what if I'm not?"

"I mean, with how your dad treats Ozai, the bar's like…underground," Piandao said dryly, receiving a brief elbow from Korzu for insulting the Fire Lord. "Come on, it's true. So as long as you don't hate your own kid, you're probably fine."

"Sure, the bar's low on my side of the family, but Ursa's dad is wonderful."

"Really?" Korzu's eyebrows raised with clear interest. "What's he like?"

"He's…I don't know. You can tell Ursa and her mom are his whole world. He's always there for her, even when she only sees him a few times a year. He remembers the most mundane details about her from decades ago. He always knows just what snack or joke she's in the mood for. He inspires her creativity, her passion, so much. I don't know how I can measure up."

"Iroh, the man can only do all that because he's her father," Korzu advised, a little too confidently. "It's quite simple to know someone inside and out like that when you've raised them."

"Oh yeah? And how's your relationship with your father, again?"

Korzu winced a little at that, and Piandao scowled at Iroh. Fair; that was too far. Iroh felt like his own father now, entitled tongue lashing out with reckless disregard-

"You're going to love your child, aren't you? No matter what he or she turns out like?" Korzu said, forgiving Iroh by continuing the conversation.

"Well, yeah. That's the bare minimum, isn't it?"

"Then what else is there to do but try your best?"

He made it sound so simple. Maybe it was for people who didn't have the throne in their future and the Fire Lord for a father. But there were expectations for heirs, and loving a child no matter what wouldn't be enough to shape him or her into a future Fire Lord. And that didn't even touch the issue of…

"So, are we done with your impending fatherhood crisis? Because I want to go get some mango pudding before we call it a day." Piandao raised an eyebrow as he spoke, baiting Iroh to talk about whatever else he was clearly holding back. He knew him too well.

"I don't know how to be around a pregnant woman," Iroh blurted.

Korzu laughed, obviously the one in the trio with the most experience with childbirth. "Oh, it's not so bad. And it's not as if you have to be in the room if you don't want to."

"That's not what I mean." If anything, Iroh would insist on being in the room. "The only pregnant women I've been around are Kai Ming, who I saw for like three days, and my mother, who-"

He didn't have to finish the sentence. Korzu's smile dropped and Piandao's hand on the table tightened into a fist.

"I'm scared," Iroh confessed, barely above a whisper. "It was almost easier to imagine children with Ursa before I fell for her. Now, she's- she's the love of my life. I don't want her to go through all that pain, and I certainly don't want to lose her."

After a long moment, Korzu spoke up again. "You won't, Iroh. Ursa's a young, healthy woman. Your mother, may she rest in peace, ignored every physician's warning against carrying a second pregnancy after an already difficult first one. That's not the same thing you two are doing."

"I'm not qualified to speak on the medical side, obviously," Piandao added, "but I think it's obvious to everyone in the world that Ursa's not your mother. It'd be really creepy if you thought she was, you know?"

Iroh laughed despite himself, throwing a half-hearted punch at Piandao. "So you guys think I'm in my head over nothing?"

"Not over nothing," Korzu clarified. "Honestly, it would be strange if you weren't worried at all. Children inspire worry. You can't let the worries stop you from taking the logical next step with Ursa if both of you are ready and willing."

Iroh didn't know if he was ready or willing. But Ursa was, and he wasn't going to be the reason she couldn't have what she wanted. He'd been that often enough.

Ozai had been in a terrible mood about some argument with some friend, which should've been her warning to not spar with him today, really. But she'd gone ahead with it since she'd thought she could still keep up with him, and now-

Ouch.

He'd definitely broken her left wrist. And he'd immediately dropped his sword and turned white as a sheet when he'd realized it, although she'd brushed off his apologies and told him it was just a light sprain. But it was in fact broken, so the thing to do now was heal it up before Iroh returned from the front, or at least figure out a decent story for how it had happened. Otherwise, he was sure to give Ozai a few broken bones in retaliation.

Ouch. It twinged again in its cast as she opened her hidden chamber in the palace tunnels, the one where she stored all her White Lotus business and too-personal files. After two years of White Lotus membership, it had somehow gone unnoticed, but she could never shake the feeling that someone was going to find it one day. If that happened, she'd have plenty to answer for from the Fire Lord. And Iroh. Really, her wrist was just another lie to add to the pile she was already telling Iroh.

Xiliu wound through her legs, releasing the nauseous guilt in her gut. There was no point holding onto guilt, anyway. It would just block up her water chakra again, and here she was supposed to be focused on opening up air. The air chakra, in her heart, dealt with love and was blocked by grief. Ursa knew exactly what her grief was - grief for her old life and dreams that had never been realized - but her love for Iroh would surely be strong enough to help her release it once and for all. After that, she would have to contend with her sound chakra that dealt with truth and was blocked by…lies. That was going to be a hard one, with all the lies she was wrapped up in.

"Come on, Xiliu," she whispered. "Go back inside. I can't take you with me this time; you'll give me away."

Tonight, at least, she got to do something a little more fun. Tonight, she and Jeong Jeong were bringing in a new White Lotus recruit.

"Are you ready?" Jeong Jeong breathed softly when she found him at the tunnel exit. He'd gotten used to addressing her informally over the past couple years of White Lotus brotherhood, but it didn't seem like that tension would ever leave his body around her.

"Yes."

"Are you sure you want to be the one to bring him in? I can do it instead."

"I am. It's better to have you watching in case something goes wrong, and he may just trust my performance more than someone who keeps cheating him in sparrowbones."

"I do not," Jeong Jeong huffed, cheeks flushing. "Fine, then. Let's get on with it."

Their meeting spot was deep in the heart of Harbor City, not far from where Ursa herself had been recruited at the Half Shell Inn by Bumi. It felt so long ago…how was the mad king doing now? Even though he'd given her such a fright by kidnapping her the next day, Ursa couldn't bring herself to think of him as an enemy. He'd been the one insanely brave enough to draw her into this world her mother had once lived in, after all.

Their recruit definitely knew the streets of Harbor City well enough to have deciphered the meeting place without problem. In fact, she just barely had time to situate herself at the Pai Sho table with her half-mask covering her eyes and Jeong Jeong positioned a few tables away to watch discreetly. Piandao strode in only a few minutes later.

It was inevitable, really, that Piandao was invited to the White Lotus. A colonial servant's son living among Fire Nation nobles, a nonbender fighting just as well as firebenders: he was exactly the kind of man who could appreciate the pursuit of knowledge and truth regardless of class or nationality. Jinpa had observed him plenty when he'd still worked at the palace, making special note of the servant boy Iroh had marked as his best friend. Perhaps he'd marked Piandao as a lotus seed even back then.

Hopefully, Ursa's acting skills were still good enough to fool her friend. She leaned on the table, trying to come across as older than she was, and tilted her head with a coy smile to go with her half-mask when he approached. "Would you like to play?" she asked, putting on a low, sultry voice.

"Yes. How much to buy in?"
"Ah, it's a slow night. First round's on me for the entertainment of a fine soldier like yourself coming to my table."

"What makes you think I'm a soldier?" he asked, grunting as he lowered himself into the chair with some effort. His leg had technically healed from last autumn's injury, but Ursa suspected it wasn't back to normal; he seemed to still have trouble sitting and getting up.

"My my, how else might you have hurt that leg?"

Piandao tilted his head, mirroring her posture and coy smile. "Maybe I sparred with my aggressive, short-tempered brother-in-law when I shouldn't have. Isn't that what happened to your wrist?"

Dragonshit.

"Now," he lowered his voice, "why are you in Harbor City at night, presumably without your husband's knowledge?"

"I could ask the same of you."

"No, you couldn't, because he doesn't love me nearly as dearly."

"Well, I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

He raised an eyebrow at that but obediently picked up a white lotus tile and slid it forward onto the Pai Sho board. Ursa smiled.

"I see you favor the white lotus tile."

Piandao was sharp, when he wasn't being a smug ass to piss off his friends. Perhaps even while he was being an ass. Ursa was reminded of that when he answered the dialogue and filled out the pattern with ease. He'd been Iroh's equal throughout school, after all, and that was without private tutors to fill the gaps.

"Welcome, brother," Ursa repeated the words of the host instead of the guest for the first time, "the White Lotus opens wide to those who know its secrets."

"The White Lotus, huh?" Piandao leaned forward with his arms folded on the table. "What do you know of its secrets? And for how long?"

"I've known enough for long enough."

"Since before your marriage?"

"No. I knew nothing before I came here."

"That's definitely something, then. Them recruiting you under your husband's nose." His expression didn't change, but something flickered in his gray eyes. Was he judging her for lying to Iroh?

"Do you wish to join me?" she asked, directing the conversation away from the swell of nausea inside her. There was so much that made her feel sick these days.

"I don't know what I'm joining."

"Pursuit of the truth."

"About what?"

"Everything."

"Which means nothing at all."

"Whatever you want, then." Verbal sparring with Piandao wasn't for the faint of heart; she was proud of herself for keeping up. "Whatever the truth you want to know is. You'll learn what you need to."

"Is that what you've learned?"

Not enough. "It's what I'm learning, yes."

Piandao chuckled humorlessly. "Spirits, aren't you and your husband talking about kids? How do you plan to keep this education up during that?"

That was another thing she'd been avoiding thinking about. Her head spun a little, gut twisting again. Maybe she shouldn't have come out tonight. Maybe she shouldn't have done any of this. Maybe she should've stayed in Forgetful Valley with Ikem when she'd had the chance, before she'd gone and fallen for Iroh and agreed to bear his child like she was a proper loving wife who hadn't been lying to him for most of their marriage.

"Hey." His smile vanished. "Sorry, you okay? Am I not supposed to know about the kids thing?"

What did it matter if he knew? Everyone would know soon. This was the point of her life now, after all. All she was good for was the child she would bear, the powerful future Fire Lord, the stupid prophecy-

The nausea choked her up before she could tamp it back down again, and she just barely managed to throw her body to the side before retching onto the floor.

Vaguely, she heard the jostle of Jeong Jeong running over and Piandao swearing and the two bumping into each other (not showing it if they were surprised to see the other) as they leaned down to check on her. "Are you okay?" "What's wrong?" Their voices blurred together.

Curse everything, she'd just wanted to ignore it all for a little bit longer.

"I'm fine," she whispered, holding back tears while letting one of them help her up. "I'm fine. Just…somewhere quiet? Please?" Thank the spirits her mask had stayed on during that whole thing.

Jeong Jeong put her and Piandao in some back alley, murmuring that he'd stand guard for a few minutes but they shouldn't linger here longer than needed. Piandao moved like he was going to give her space too, but she grabbed his arm and made him stay. He was the only friend she had right now. He was certainly the only one who could understand something of why the royal life chafed at her, even if he couldn't understand this particular problem.

"Piandao, do you know why I'm Iroh's wife?"

It felt good to finally tell the whole story to someone who knew her, someone who could get it. The Fire Lord in her mother's greenhouse talking about that stupid prophecy. The sham proposal and wedding. The secrets her mother had only shared with her after marriage. The truth — that she knew, at least — of Sozin and Roku. The real, genuine love for Iroh that had somehow despite it all. Piandao's face went from concern to shock to pity as her story turned into a half-coherent mix of words and sobs, and he hesitantly put an arm around her.

"Why," he asked quietly, "are you telling me all this now? What's wrong?"

The quickening of energy inside her couldn't be denied any longer. "I…" Because it wasn't just her energy. Not anymore. It was becoming something else, something she'd been diligently avoiding thinking about since she'd felt it in her womb during last week's chi-tracing practice. "I'm pregnant, Piandao."

His eyebrows drew together. "Oh."

It should've been a moment to celebrate with her husband. That was what was supposed to happen for first-time mothers, wasn't it? But Ursa hadn't passed any of her milestones with Iroh in a traditional manner, and this one was no different. Instead of a romantic celebration, she pressed her face into Piandao's shoulder and wept.

"I'll join the White Lotus," she heard him whisper, his hands still only half-around her in a cautious comfort. "I won't let you carry these secrets alone anymore."

From the hand of Master Piandao,

Recorded in Autumn, 104 AG

Two of my students have hounded me since the end of the war to document my role in ending the war, especially my time in the White Lotus. I would have dismissed them completely if they weren't my favorite students, which I will never reveal to them. Iroh and Ursa seem to think what I remember is worth recording too. They documented and sealed their own recollections a couple summers ago, filing them away in some corner of the palace for future generations to read whenever the names Iroh and Ursa have faded into history. They've seemed happier since then. Lighter. Like they sealed up their pain and regret and grief into those pages and found their peace by leaving those ugly feelings there. Perhaps the same will happen to me.

The night I joined the White Lotus was the night Ursa confessed who she really was to me. I'd known her for nearly three years at that point, and from what Iroh had implied to me, I'd thought her to be a regular woman from some far-off province that Azulon had selected as part of a political strategy to keep the nobles from fighting over marrying their daughters to Iroh. From just that story, I had plenty of empathy for her as a commoner trying to do her best as princess. I found her to be a sort of kindred spirit. At least I had the choice to leave the capital and nobility if I ever wanted, which was exactly what I ended up doing once I'd wised up a little. Ursa is bound to the royal family for the rest of her life; thankfully, the family looks very different now than it did when Azulon was alive.

Learning the truth of my friends' marriage was…jarring. As affectionately as I can say this, Ursa didn't seem like she boasted any superior genes to the women of the capital. Was Azulon really so invested in some prophecy that dictated Avatar heritage would make his heirs more powerful? It didn't sound like the calculating Fire Lord at all, which signaled to me that this Avatar factor was more important than I'd thought. To the general public, the Avatar didn't exist anymore, having been wiped out of existence by the Fire Nation. But, clearly, any remnants of the Avatar still existing in the world — such as his granddaughter — were important enough for the Fire Lord to want to control them. Did that mean Ursa herself had more power than I'd realized, or had she simply been swept up with the royals by the coincidence of her bloodline?

I joined the White Lotus to find out the truth, including the truth about Ursa. The answer to my question, I think, was somewhere in between.

A/N: I wrote a loooot more than I meant to, but hopefully that means the next chapter will pop up faster.

~Bobbi