CHAPTER 7: THE SECULAR CELEBRATION

So it came to pass that Mom McGuire and Mom Gordon came up with a plan. On the evening of the 24th of December, with the holiday spirit near its zenith and the anticipation of a visit from Santa Claus filling all the little children with joy (except Gordo, of course), the two families gathered around the gaudily over-decorated Christmas tree in the McGuire's living room to celebrate the season.

They celebrated Hanukkah with Roberta's presentation of Linda's Gourmet Latkes which had arrived (frozen) via UPS early last week, and with the spinning of Dreidels, which Howard had bought on E-Bay for the delight of the children (though they quickly tired of the tops and instead gave all their attention to Donkey Kong Country, which had arrived earlier that day from Gammy McGuire).

They celebrated the Christian aspects of the season by briefly singing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and Joy to the World, then Matt insisted on finishing up the music portion of the evening with Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer—and this despite the lovely present he had just received from Gammy McGuire!

And then, of course, being modern worldly-wise families, they celebrated the secular joys of Christmas, with Jo's Christmas cookies, spiked eggnog for the adults, and the stringing of popcorn and cranberries for the already overdressed Christmas tree. But most of all, they celebrated with…the opening of gifts!

Howard and Roberta graced the McGuire children with new sweaters, for which Lizzie and Matt politely said thank you. Gordo's thanks were more sincere when Sam and Jo presented him with the very calculator he had been hoping for. Gordo also had the knowledge that back at home, his parents were about to roll a new bicycle out of the backyard shed, his congratulatory gift for recently leaving the training wheels behind.

Lizzie and Matt, of course, had already received so many gifts from their indulgent parents they couldn't count them all. But best of all, they could not get out of their heads the icing on the cake of this very special day: that sometime after midnight, once they were cozily tucked into their beds: this very living room would receive the much-heralded visit from Santa Claus himself!

All in all, it was shaping up to be a great Christmas.

Previous to this evening, Gordo had been obliged to sit through several in-depth conversations with both parents and was well aware of their disappointment in his inability to keep The Santa Secret. But no matter. It was Christmas, or nearly so, and he knew enough to keep his mouth shut now as Lizzie babbled on and on about how she hoped Santa would bring her a Barbie Dream House. Matt, at one point, asked Gordo what Santa was bringing him. Gordo only rolled his eyes, and Matt called him a Doody Head.

The dads, meanwhile, over spiked eggnog, were quickly overcoming the uneasiness which always followed their initial handshake. In general, Sam thought Howard a pretentious know-it-all, and Howard considered Sam low-brow and a bit goofy, but once the topic of who would play in the Super Bowl came up, the two men gravitated to the television in the den, united by their common interest in football.

Their wives marveled at the power of sports to pull together the most unlikely of comrades. They also marveled at the power of rum. Jo pulled another bottle of Bacardi from the kitchen cabinet and Roberta generously drizzled it into the eggnog punchbowl.

"Darling," Howard called during a commercial break. "As long as you're standing there, you wouldn't mind pouring me another cup of this delicious eggnog, would you?"

"Me too!" Sam called. "I'll have some more of the same, Darlin'. My darlin', of course!" he added in alarm. "My Jo darlin'! Would you pour me some more eggnog? Please?"

"Why…sure!" Jo answered, as she and Roberta winked at each other over the punchbowl.

So, all was well with the world. The hour wore on, the Manhattan Transfer Christmas Album played incessantly in the background, combining with the ping-ping from the video game, the roar of the football crowd from the den, and the ladies' enthusiastic conversation about the latest sales at Macy's and Penney's. It appeared for a time that nothing might ever change, that this magical moment could last forever. But then suddenly Roberta crossed the room and poked her husband in the ribs.

"Honey," she said, "I think we could use some more ice. Would you be a doll and run down to the store to pick up another bag of ice?"