lawly

by footfungus

lawly

14. Chapter 14

Chapter 15: Olga and Her Friends

Notes:

OKAY SO, I want to say thank you so so much for all of your kudos and comments! And thanks to those who donated to my Ko-fi:
AbbyBianx

If you want to give me tip, you can do it through: /kiryoutann

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

You can't really say you enjoyed your breakfast.

No, it wasn't because of the food—the chef has done a very, very good job—no problem with that. It's more down to the fact you're sitting at this big table alone because Childe has left to attend to his business early in the morning.

And also your mind that can't stop thinking about the children who don't have the chance to go to formal school.

What can you do? For now what they needed was a building large enough for them to study while Childe took care of the problem of the limited number of schools to the duke in charge of this town.

No matter how much you try to spin your mind to find a solution, it just doesn't exist.

"Your Highness?"

Sasha's voice beside you raised your head. She told the waiter to clear up your breakfast, reached out to help you out of your seat. And you still haven't found your answer.

"What do you want to do today, Your Highness?" Sasha asked calmly.

A walk in the garden. Even though it's tedious because you've walked so many times that you even remember exactly what kind of plant you always pass by, you need some fresh air now. With the hope that you will find a way out of your impasse.

"Let's go for a stroll." You said.

Your ladies-in-waiting replied yes to your request. Sasha turned to Ksenia to get the parasol before all of you exited the mansion building down the stairs leading to the garden. Various kind of flowers welcome you. The gurgling water from the fountain gets quieter as you walk away from it.

"Today's weather is quite suitable for reading, Your Highness. Should I get your favorite books from the library?" Sasha offered.

"I think it would be best if you also continued to learn to embroider." Laura added.

Your steps stopped suddenly, almost making your ladies-in-waiting behind you bump into you. You heard Ksenia mutter sorry to you. Laura again raised the parasol above you while you were lost in your own thoughts.

The weather is perfect for reading a book in the garden. Embroider. Study.

"Countess Sasha."

Sasha stepped forward to be beside you and asked, "Yes, Your Highness?"

"Please tell the coachman to prepare the horse carriage. I want to visit the town."

Although confused by your sudden request, Sasha complied with what you ordered. She told Ksenia to run towards the mansion building, while she and Laura were the ones accompanying you back to your chamber to change into another dress.

On a trip to the city, you can't help but compare sitting gracefully in the carriage to riding a horse and enjoying the breeze. It's boring, especially when your ladies-in-waiting just sit in silence while making sure their posture remains polite.

You specifically ordered the carriage to stop in one part of the city. Countess Sasha is a little surprised to find that you are quite familiar with this area even though you have only been here for two weeks.

From the royal crest engraved on the carriage, those who took a glance at it already knew the ones who were going to get off the carriage were members of the royal family. The people who had been busy with their activities began to gather into a crowd. The guards who came with you were standing right in front of them, stretching out their arms to keep them lined up.

After the carriage door opened, you got off while holding Sasha's hand. You present yourself without a hood like the night before, making it easier for your people to know who the woman in the white lacy dress is.

"It's the Princess!"

"Princess (Y/N)!"

The once quiet town was filled with cheers of people. You put on a smile, making sure to sweep your eyes over each of the figures in the first and second rows. Countess Sasha rushes to be by your side as you wave your hand to everyone.

"Your Highness, this is the perfect time for you to get acquainted with the citizens of Zelenossosh, considering not every year there will be a visit."

"You are right." You answer her. "Show the way, Countess."

You ended up visiting some shops in town. Although many offer you gifts such as flowers, food, drinks, and clothes—all of these are given to the guards who follow you due to security protocols. However, from the Zelenossosh people who you feel are friendlier than those in the capital, they understand the situation and don't protest at all.

After the guards tell them to keep their distance, you use your time to enter the bakery you visited last night.

The bell above the door chimes as you enter. The hazel eyes of the woman who had arranged the bread on the tray landed on you. Her expression changed from confusion to surprise when she realized who was inside her shop.

"Y-Your Highness!" She bent down.

"We meet again, madam." You said with a smile, watching her face return to confusion. To save time, you choose to help her remember, "I'm sorry I gave you a fake name last night."

She takes five seconds to process your words and then gasps. "T-That's fine, Your Highness! It was I who should have prostrated at your feet begging for forgiveness for not recognizing you at that very instant!"

You tilted your head past her back looking for someone.

"Is Olga around?"

"Ah, she is currently sleeping, I will wake her up—"

"No need." You hastily stopped her, not wanting to disturb the girl's rest just to welcome your arrival. "I'm here to tell you something."

Furthermore, her face turned curious mixed with a hint of fear. If only you knew how her mind was filled with worry. The bread you brought last night.. was there a problem with it until you came here again? After peeking past you, she could see many people in knight uniforms standing guard outside her bakery.

However, as much as she wants you to say it right away, she can't force it. That might just make the situation worse.

You took a step around the little bakery hoping it would ease the tension. She had no reason to be afraid, especially since you came here with good intentions. Your ladies-in-waiting are at the end of the room waiting for you.

"I would be very happy if you would accept my offer to teach the children at Vesna Estate." You mentioned the name of the royal family mansion you were living in.

To the older woman, your offer wasn't just an offer. This is generosity. People knew the untouched part of the city was the mansion. Buildings that seem conservative with high fences and walls seem to separate themselves from the outside world. Only members of the royal family and important people they invited could enter there.

And you now invite her and the children.

"Y-Your Highness, are you sure?" She made sure you weren't kidding.

A nod from you.

"I want to invite them to study in a different place. But, of course that is if you agree." You said, not wanting to burden her.

Olga's mother nodded slowly before quickly. "I don't mind at all, Your Highness. It is an honor! And I cannot refuse your generosity." She wants to cup your hands, tell you that this might be one of the best things that happened in her life. However, she couldn't carelessly touch a member of the royal family before they did it first.

You gave her a wider smile, your cheeks rising and turning red from happiness. "In that case, I will take my leave now to prepare everything. I'll have someone take you there."

The tears of gratitude that flowed from her eyes fell as she nodded excitedly. "Thank you, thank you, Your Highness!" She made sure to say it out loud.

The regular schedule of meetings with the aristocrats really made him sore, even the expensive chair in which Childe was sitting didn't help reduce it. It was amusing enough for him to think that being on the battlefield was more fun than being constantly in a room and dealing with people and piles of paper. If he's being honest, he'd prefer to be physically training all day instead of being here.

But, he couldn't do that. Especially after telling you he'll take care of the school problems here.

Childe rested his forehead on his hands. "Damn you incompetent duke." He muttered.

There was a knock on the door. After giving permission for whoever was behind it to enter, it swung open revealing Dmitri with more piles of papers clutched to his chest—as if the ones on his desk weren't piled high enough.

Childe sank his back into the soft part of his brown chair, running his hands through his ginger hair with a few frustrated tugs. His work would see no end—he was sure of it. Even the papers that had been sitting for a long time before the meeting started had not been marked with his signature.

"Why do you always come just to bring that?" He asked Dmitri sarcastically.

As if not hearing him, Dmitri continued to place it on the wooden surface of the table before straightening his back and staring at Childe.

"I have something to say, Your Highness." Dmitri said.

Childe just hopes it's not about more work.

"Start talking."

Dmitri nodded his permission. "Countess Sasha reported something."

Instantly the tired face was erased and replaced with eyebrows furrowed in curiosity. Countess Sasha.. a spy that he planted among his wife's ladies-in-waiting. He told Dmitri to continue.

"Her Highness invited some people to study in the mansion's garden." Dmitri said.

"Some people?"

Dmitri gave a nod. "Two women and fifteen children. Before that, Her Highness visited the town and greeted people before going to a bakery."

Two women. Children. Bakery. Childe paired one with the other and then got an answer for your intention to invite someone else into the royal family mansion. He didn't expect you to be this firm in your will.

In the silence, Dmitri thought he still wanted more information.

"O-oh! Besides that, Her Highness ordered the maids to prepare sweets as well as—"

"Enough about that. How about the one I assigned you to take care of?" Childe cut in, staring at him as he waited for him to answer.

Dmitri straightened his posture again. "That is settled, Your Highness." He says.

"Good." Childe rose from his chair suddenly. He walked over to where his coat hung at the end of the room, ignoring Dmitri and his curious eyes following. "Make sure all the furniture is properly positioned."

Dmitri says yes to it, watching him put on the coat. This young prince... he wasn't thinking about leaving while the pile of papers was still piling up on his desk, was he?

"Dmitri."

"Y-yes, Your Highness!" He answered clumsily.

"Read all the contents of those papers and report to me the next day. Do not miss anything." Childe said and Dmitri knew he would be stuck here until dawn on his orders.

"But, Your Highness! You still have the documents you haven't checked!"

"If I burn it now, then I too will have nothing left to check. But, you certainly don't want me to do that, do you?" Childe smirked at Dmitri, who was pale with horror working late reading three stacks of papers.

"B-but—!"

"Do as I say." This time, the Crown Prince's voice was cold, threatening that Dmitri had no choice but to nod.

The smile returned to Childe's face as if his scary expression had never existed. He walked out of the room, down the steps and into the horse-drawn carriage that was waiting to take him wherever he wanted. This time, he asked them to go home.

As soon as he enters the garden, your figure is the first he notices. Maybe it's the way you smile broadly while helping the little kid next to you draw, or maybe it's because of the sunlight that falls right on you. As if it was on purpose so that Childe wouldn't miss you. But, is that even possible to happen when you look so gorgeous?

His shoes make a sound as he steps on the green grass to come to you.

"Wow, how fun! I almost mistook this for a party. Am I allowed to join?"

His voice turned all the heads there. You didn't expect him to be here and neither did the others. The woman sitting not far from you immediately stood up, telling the other children to do the same before bowing.

"May prosperity be with you, Your Royal Highness Prince Childe." She says then the children echo it.

"Please rise." Childe gave permission while flashing a smile at them.

You stood up from your seat, getting a look in his blue eyes. "Ajax, I thought you'd be home before dinner tonight."

"Well, it would be very rude of me not to welcome visiting friends."

Whether he said it on purpose or not however, it was enough to tell you that whether it was Countess Sasha or the other workers in the mansion—they would always report everything about you to him.

"Ah, well.." You turned to the kids, "shall we introduce ourselves?"

That afternoon, everything went smoothly. Besides the fact that Childe is good with children, his cheerful nature makes children scramble to read fairy tales by him rather than you. You were replaced however, you found nothing but the desire to smile at that.

After reading two to three books of fairy tales, Childe invites you to take a walk not far from there.

"I heard you visited the town." Childe started.

For a moment you hesitated to answer. One of your guards or lady-in-waiting must have reported that too to him. You're not sure if he's okay with that or not.

You chose to nod. "I feel I have to show my face."

Childe greets you with a gentle hum. "It's a lovely face." He gives you a sly smile from the flirtation he manages to sneak in, making you shake your head.

You two are now quite far from the children who are still studying under the tree. Olga's mother and her friend taught them the names of fruits. They clapped a little after answering a question from their teacher. Your ear caught a light chuckle that managed to come out of Childe.

You remember how he was with the children. "They like you."

A smile spread across his face as he gave a nod. "They like me more than you, will you agree?"

"Not for long."

His face is full of amusement. "Oh, is that a challenge?" He stops walking to look at you.

Your lips hold back a smile from breaking. "However you want to think of it."

Childe was about to open his jaw and say something but, someone called out to him. You watched Ekaterina—his second confidant after Dmitri—walk towards the two of you, bowing for a moment before turning her attention back to him.

"Your Highness, I'm sorry to interrupt however, there's something urgent you need to take care of."

His shoulders rose before dropping as he sighed. You feel a little bad for him.

"I'll be there soon." Childe answered, waving a hand for Ekaterina to get out of his sight. He turned to you with a faint smile, "I guess I should say goodbye to them first before leaving."

You won't admit it, however, when the children's smiles fade a little after Childe says he has to go, maybe they really do like him more than you. It was funny and sad at the same time. You know this is childish but, it feels like when Shiva stole your favorite nanny from you.

Just as Childe was about to take steps to leave, one of them called out to him.

"Your Highness!"

Childe turned to the blond boy whom you remembered as Igor. Beneath his freckled nose is the one-toothed smile he throws at you and Childe. He brought a paper which he held tightly.

"Igor?" You wonder if he has anything to say.

Without saying anything, he then handed the paper to your outstretched hand. You held it high so Childe could see the pencil strokes forming a drawing.

A drawing of you and Childe.

Though the drawing doesn't really do you two justice, you're sure no one here has fluffy ginger hair like Childe. Beside him is a figure wearing a dress which if you compare it resembles what you are wearing right now.

Between the two of you is a drawing of a red heart.

"Do you like it?" The artist's voice demands your opinion.

You hand the paper over to Childe who still wants to see it longer. "Igor, it's so beautiful! You've learned how to draw fingers."

Igor grinned from the compliment you gave him. He turned to Childe who still hadn't given his thoughts. Beneath his long eyelashes, he stared at him waiting for him to open his mouth.

"Your Highness?"

Hearing him being called, Childe took his eyes off the paper. He knelt to level himself to look at the boy. "I'll keep this." He made sure to add a smile while gently pinching his chubby cheeks.

"Does this mean you like it?!"

Childe laughs so contagiously that you smile like an idiot too. "I love it."

Igor cheered, the other children did the same. Childe gave one more hug before walking away with the paper. You watched him until his back was out of sight the moment he stepped into the building.

"Alright everyone, let's get back to studying." You told them.

While Childe who had been sitting in the carriage swept his eyes at the drawing again. It crossed his mind to hire a painter who could paint you perfectly.

By the time Childe came home, the sun had been replaced by the moon. The black sky stretched above, the darkness made the garden lights and the inside of the mansion look more radiant. The guard opened the door for him to pass through. From the silence of the room, he thought you were asleep.

Just to be sure, he asked the maid who collected his coat.

"Her Highness has been in the library since after dinner." She said politely, bowing excused after Childe told her to.

At this time, you should have fallen asleep in your warm blanket, unwinding from today. Hearing that made his feet step towards the library he hadn't been to since being here.

As soon as the wooden door opens, the first thing he sees is your back too bent for him not to think you're asleep at the table. Childe closed the door quietly, leaving all that was left of the room was silence filled with only the crickets chirping outside. He approaches the table to get a better look at your face.

Eyelids are closed, revealing curly eyelashes that touch under your eyes. Slightly parted lips. The shoulders rise and fall slowly. The strands of hair that fell, however, were not enough to cover your face.

Unknowingly, he smiled from that. His long fingers lifted then slowly pushed them away.

However, he wasn't slow enough now that your eyelids were starting to open from the sensation of something touching your cheek. Childe watched as it revealed the beautiful irises beneath it. You blinked a few times while gathering consciousness and then fixed your gaze on the figure standing in front of you.

A guilty laugh escaped him. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

You nodded, yawning as you stretched your arms and straightened your back into a normal sitting position. After the aches gradually disappeared, you swept your eyes from top to bottom.

Your eyes catch the little clock at the end of the room, then back to him. "You came home very late." You commented.

A small hum is what you receive as he makes his way around the table and stands in front of you. From his position facing opposite the window, you could see his face quite clearly. There was a faint smile under his nose—so genuine that you'd assume any business that brought him home so late was taken care of.

"Did everything went well?" You asked.

Childe nodded slowly, "Mmhm. You can put it that way."

You scanned him and just realized he had a document tucked away in a fancy folder in his hand.

"What is that?"

Childe followed where your eyes looked. Instead of giving you an answer, he hosts an even wider smile and puts the document holder on the table. The gold emblem engraved on the cover hints this was an important and possibly confidential document. You looked back at him wondering if you could really see what was inside.

"Open it."

Despite your doubts, you did as Childe said. Stacks of land and building ownership documents are what you will find next.

Childe laughs from your face which shows how confused you are. To save you from looking back and forth and then back at the papers, he says things you don't expect.

"I've taken care of the children's schooling."

After saying that, Childe immediately continued with: "And I bought some land and buildings that will be allocated to increase the number of schools here later."

As soon as the echo of his voice disappeared, the room was quiet again. Your lips parted without uttering anything as your words evaporated after hearing them. Childe stares into your widening eyes, waiting for your response.

"Are you serious?" You asked quickly.

Childe furrowed his brows at your question. You think he's offended before he takes out a chuckle and says, "You think I'm going to joke about this?"

"Does this mean Olga and her friends won't be studying at the bakery anymore?"

You watched him nod with another hum. "Yeah, they won't study there anymore." He answered you.

It's so magical how he can still find the color bouncing in your eyes despite the low light. Those open lips.. he wonders what else you would ask to satisfy the curiosity on your face.

"Does this mean Olga and her friends will be studying at school?"

However, Childe doesn't get tired of answering you either. With a new smile that seemed wider than before, he then said: "Yes, they will study at school."

And that's enough. That is enough for happiness to spread like a creeper in your chest. It was so great that you screamed with joy before stretching out your arms and plopping yourself down on him so suddenly he fell backwards.

Now Childe was lying on the cold wooden floor. However, that's not the concern, it's you who are right on top of him.

In that very second, he prayed to all the Gods in existence so that you wouldn't hear how his heart was racing in his ribs even though it seemed quite impossible because your head was lying on his chest.

How can you laugh out loud now when you make his face so hot? Childe was grateful that the room was dark enough so it would be difficult for you to notice the red tint that dominates his face. You lifted your head, still having a big smile that was genuine from happiness, finding this situation funny rather than embarrassing.

"My apologies! I'm just really happy!" You spoke before rolling yourself away from him to his side.

On the cold wooden floor, you and Childe feel different things. You're still talking about Olga and her friends, saying how you can't wait to see their faces tomorrow when you tell them the good news.

While Childe put his hands over his eyes, pretending to be sleepy while in the truth, he was trying his best to hide his flustered face.

Notes:

alright... a few chapters to go before the angst i prepared for you guys. GAHH, I HOPE I'LL DO WELL ON IT! i̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶. BTW EVERYONE, sometimes i upload spoilers and sneak peek of my upcoming chapters on my tumblr. so don't be shy to check it out3

pls everyone take care, drink your vitamins and eat healthy!

Chapter 16: Billions of Ways to Bleed

Notes:

Thanks to those who donated to my Ko-fi:
AbbyBianx

Please read while listening to: watch?v=4uywwKAHjZw

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

There are billions of ways to bleed.

The sound of your footsteps as you stepped out of the mansion building, following the path you knew would lead you to the pasture where Childe had ridden Garsha yesterday. The ladies-in-waiting said he was looking for you, reasons will get the answer when you meet him.

The warm wind came back, inviting your hair to dance. Birds fly here and there. You wonder what they're celebrating today. These flowers around you, you hope they will never stop blooming.

Once you reach the pasture, you see the figure of a man waiting for you there. He's standing facing you, with a horse you've never seen before. Obviously it wasn't Garsha. Its body is black rather than white, it has a long mane that shares the same color. Two things in common about them are that they are both beautiful and dashing.

"Ajax!"

Childe waves his hand for you to approach him inside the fence. You stopped when you were in front of him.

"Dear." He called you. "Would you like to meet my new friend?"

You followed his eyes as he glanced at the horse whose reins he was holding. While smiling, you give a nod and put your gloved hand on the steed to caress it. You smiled widely feeling how soft its mane was.

"Hello." You said to the horse as if it could answer you.

"She's a smart one." Childe told you.

You turned to him to ask, "What's her name?"

Childe shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't know." He answers and you almost furrow your brows at that before he continues: "You name her."

Your hands stopped when you heard that. "What?" You asked him to repeat.

"She is yours."

Childe just said that this beautiful horse is yours. Your jaw hangs from it before you let out a scoff in disbelief. This is too good to be true. Something that you have wanted since childhood is right in front of you and you will name this horse.

"Ajax, I'm.." Your words evaporated in the air from the sudden surge of happiness.

Childe smiled, "Do you like it?"

A quick, repeated nod is what you give him. You hope it's enough to represent what you want to say to him as you feel the warmth in your chest getting bigger—a feeling you've almost forgotten from not feeling it in a long time.

"I... I don't know what to say." You feel stupid saying that.

However, he gave a laugh that reached his eyes. "A thank you would be nice."

"A thank you won't be enough." You replied.

"It's just a horse. You can have more in the palace."

No, it's not just a horse. For you, this is the reviving of your childhood dreams that were buried too early. That child's heart that you thought was dead beats again, bringing hope that maybe this time you can set down the burden that's not yours to carry. Happiness has never felt so close now.

In the sun, a woman stands celebrating one of her billion dreams has come true.

"Thank you, Ajax."

The lips that uttered his name left a sweet tail behind it. Childe looked at you smiling, cheeks flushed from the happiness that creeps and spreads like the roots of a banyan tree. Instantly all the colors fade around you, as if they know they have no chance to compete with your beauty.

"Hmm, I don't know what to name a horse as beautiful as you." You said to the steed, taking another silence before glancing at Childe and putting a sly smile on your face. "How about 'Ajax'?"

Childe was taken aback before pouting. "Surely you're not naming a horse after me, Princess." You laughed at his protest.

"Huan." You spit out a name.

"Huan? Hmm, that's not bad. Does that have any meaning behind it?"

You gave a nod before saying, "Happiness."

Childe smiled, joining to pet Huan. "Do you want to ride her?" He offers.

"I told you, I can't ride."

Instead of accepting your refusal, he held out his gloved hand instead. "That's why the most reliable man is here." He said full of arrogance which you don't mind.

With a smile, you happily put your hand on his.

"If you don't mind taking me as your apprentice."

Hearing your answer, he spreads a smile. You can't pretend you don't notice how your heart feels like it's about to jump when he closes his hands and leads you to ride Huan.

Childe walked in front while pulling on one of the reins to guide Huan. The sound of horseshoes was heard. You watched Huan's head turn before returning straight as Childe tugged at the rope. Her mane fluttered in her stride. You can't help but find her tiny ears that turn every time she hears something beside and behind her cute.

"Keep your posture straight." Childe reminded.

"Alright."

In your first lessons on horseback, Childe promises to teach you little by little. Even though you can't feel the wind blowing your face like when you ride with him, a walk around the grass to the end of the property is enough for you. Not far from where you are standing with Huan is a beach that you just found out about.

"A beach!" You said cheerfully.

Childe follows where your finger is pointing. "Ah, it's Teucer's favorite place whenever he comes here." He said before turning his head completely to you. "Wanna go there?"

"Can we?"

"Well,"

Childe walked over to hook his legs and mounted Huan. He's sitting right behind you like last night however, your heart still can't get used to this. You stiffen as he puts his hands on your waist to correct your posture.

"No one will stop us." He gives you a wink, makes you realign your sights forward.

Huan turned away from Childe's direction, then walked over and was soon running for joy. You were surprised before you got over it, then smiled broadly. The sight that you had never seen before was welcomed with your eyes.

The closer to the beach, the louder the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. The steps of the horseshoe was softer as Huan began to stomp her feet on the fine sand. The cool breeze greets you warmly. The evening sun seemed to be far away in the middle of the ocean. The seagulls are flying around while squawking. Childe got off first, reaching out to help you later. After feeling that no one was riding her anymore, Huan ran happily on the beach sand.

"Will she be okay here?" You asked worried.

"Don't worry." Childe looked at you and continued, "Most horses like to be on the beach. As much as they like the grass, it's a different environment."

"Is that true? Then, we should bring Garsha here sometime—oh! We'll have to ride together once I master it!"

In your passionate enthusiasm, Childe smiled broadly. You now remind him of a child—remind him of you when you first met. He didn't think something as simple as riding would make you this happy.

Childe follows you as you begin to walk on golden sands.

"If you enjoy riding so much, why didn't you learn it when you were a kid?" He asked, curious about your answer.

You shake your head, "My mom would not let me."

It brought a frown to his face. "Why?" He again asked a new question.

Your finger tucks the hair that tickles your face behind your ear. "She said it isn't suitable for a woman." You straighten your eyes but, you're sure Childe is waiting to hear your continuation. "She said all I need to do is sit pretty."

Stay quiet and be a beautiful flower.

Stay quiet and be a beautiful flower.

Stay quiet and be a beautiful flower.

It was repeated like a mantra. A spell that successfully robs you of all your dreams and kills the little child that lives in your heart. After thinking you lost your fortune-telling—after feeling you were no longer a useful weapon for the empire—she treated you no different than a doll kept in a box that was never opened again.

But, isn't that exactly what people say? That parents are the first to destroy their child from thinking they know best.

Shortly after saying it, shame creeps up on you from feeling like you're telling too much. He'll definitely think you're weird. Oh, Childe would definitely think you as an naïve adult from that. You want to retract everything you say now.

"I'll teach you anything you want."

You turned to Childe a second after he said that.

"You have someone like me by your side. Wouldn't it be a waste if you didn't learn from me?" He continued.

Instead of getting caught rolling your eyes at him, you take off your shoes and throw them the other way before walking towards the waves. You heard Childe call your name over the roar of the waves, though nothing made you turn your head back to him.

"Hey, you can't just ignore me, you know?" You caught the pout in his voice.

"Shush, Ajax." You silence him, reaching out to him after. "Come here, the waves are coming soon."

From your invitation, Childe hosted a wide smile on his face. He walks quickly towards you.

"At least take off your shoes first, you silly man!"

Childe did as you said, took off his shoes and socks. He dashes towards you enthusiastically as the waves roll closer and closer to you. Unknowingly, the two of you intertwined your hands with each other as you stood next to each other.

The two of you let out small screams as you waited for the waves to reach you. When the foamy water touched the two of you, your hands tightened.

"Goodness! This is very cold!" You replied, while Childe was busy laughing.

"I'm stuck." Childe said as the waves pulled away, leading your gaze down to his ankles sinking in the wet sand.

From that, you burst out laughing—so unladylike of you however, neither Countess Sasha nor your mother are here to rebuke you. Childe realized your situation was not much different from his and joined with his own laughter. You two tug at one another trying to help each other before the next wave comes to make it worse.

"Fast! Fast! It's coming!" You screamed in between your laughter that had not died down.

Childe tried to wiggle his left leg. "I'm trying!"

You both were surprised when he made it. Childe hastily freed his right leg to approach you. Oh, you don't like that sly smile he's putting on now that he's freed from immobility.

"You know, darling, getting hit by a wave isn't bad either. What do you think?" He didn't hide the cunning in his voice.

You gasped, fixing your gaze on him. "Don't you dare." You warned.

"Ah, ah, ah! I don't think this is the right place to threaten, don't you agree?"

You looked at him flatly. "Whatever conditions you offer, I won't accept." You move your ankles again to free yourself. "I don't need your help." You said while smiling arrogantly.

"Is that so? Fine, I'll let you try it." Childe crosses his arms in front of his chest as he watches your effort.

You tried your best to lift your feet that were sinking in the sand. Once you succeed, you fall to the ground from pulling too hard. The rolling waves are approaching both of you threatening to wet your dress more than this.

"Oh no."

Childe who saw it immediately ran towards you, sweeping you in his arms then continued running. Thanks to him being in such a hurry, you both laughed when he stumbled and made you fall in a place an inch safe from the touch of the salt water of the ocean.

You're lying right under him. You were so close to him that you could smell his hair among the briny smells of the beach. He held himself in his arms when he knew you were having a hard time breathing from his weight.

His shadow covers you from the dimming sunlight, giving you a chance to see his face clearer.

The ginger hair darkened with wetness fell on his forehead but, it wasn't enough to hide how easy it was for you to compare those irises to the ocean behind him. Of the many shades of blue, you'd think the one just like his eyes was the most beautiful. Drops of water fell from his strands and stopped on his cheeks.

Never have you felt such a strong urge to touch his face. Never have you felt a very, very strong urge to stroke his hair combing out all the tangles if he had any.

There are billions of ways to bleed.

As he put a smile on his handsome features, it reached his eyes. It reaches you too—reaches your beating heart in your warm chest. Its arrival brings a belief that you can't help but realize.

There are billions of ways to bleed.

You pushed him gently, Childe chose to lie down next to you. The two of you set your sights on the sun which seems to be in the process of being swallowed by the horizon line.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Childe is talking next to you.

Beautiful. The orange color painted around the fiery orb, the exact same color reflected on the wet sand which was then washed away by the waves that came and went. The sun—the star closest to Earth is drowning in blue and how can you not do the same thing every time you look into his eyes?

"Yes," You answered him. "very beautiful."

There are billions of ways to bleed. Giving your heart to someone who has no intention of keeping it safe is only one of them.

The sky darkened, a sign that time didn't stop for anyone even if their request was as simple as watching the sun go down. However, in the recesses of your heart you still hope that this will not end quickly. You hope it won't be so easily erased by the waves like words etched on the sand and also your shadow.

In this realization, you realize something. That the star sown in the firmament shines brighter now that the sun has completely taken its leave. That the cool night breeze can't quell the fiery feeling in your lungs.

However, there is one more.

Your head turned to Childe who was looking up at the night sky. Feeling your gaze on him, he looks back at you.

You have fallen in love.

Oh, you really have fallen in love with him.

Notes:

WOWOWOWOOWOWO this wasn't the angst guys. but it's close, it's near, it's almost there.

thank you for your kudos and comments. it's something i look forward whenever i post a new chapter and it always made my day! you guys are so funny it makes me want to do my best on the next chapter (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ) have a GREAT DAY~

Chapter 17: Coming Home

Notes:

sorry for taking a long time to post. i'm in the process of moving out so i gotta pack my stuff ^^;; pls enjoy!

Chapter Text

What was he doing there?

The vision you get makes you can't stop wondering. It makes a nest in your head on your way leaving Zelenossosh. The image of Childe kneeling in front of a tree with glowing white leaves as his lips moved muttering something you failed to catch.

You remember him calling the tree the 'Divine Tree'. The rest were just a blur.

"What's wrong?"

The voice of the ginger haired man sitting in front of you while resting his head on his hands bursts your thought bubbles. He smiled, though it did a terrible job of hiding his tired face—the result of not sleeping all night from getting all the business done before today's return to the capital.

"Nothing." You said.

"Missing the town already?" He took a guess.

A faint smile etched. "A little." You looked at the window, where flowers were growing by the river beside the road that was passed.

Zelenossosh, a fairy tale-like town. Surely you will feel a wave of melancholy on your way leaving. However, what and who awaits you in the capital seems to wipe that away.

You looked back at Childe, this time with an even bigger smile. "I can't wait to see Tonia and Teucer." You said it to him.

The man hosted one that was wider than yours. His face shone, as if someone had put the sun there rather than in the sky. Though you wished he hadn't done that out of consideration for your heart that missed a beat from it.

The journey home feels faster than when you left yesterday. You're wondering why, maybe because everything's been done well—including the kids' schooling. Shortly after entering the capital, the horse-drawn carriage passed through the great gates of the Zapolyarny palace, then stopped right where people were lined up in welcome.

Childe was the first to step down a second after the door opened. He holds out his gloved hand to help you.

Your shoes make a sound when they hit the ground. The remnants of a winter breeze are blowing, though not enough to make you shiver since you did Childe's suggestion of wearing a coat over your dress. Your eyes swept the people around, finding Tonia and Teucer standing beside the Queen.

"Princess (Y/N)!" They both called you in unison. You waved at them with a big smile.

The Queen takes a step closer to you and Childe, an opportunity for the children to do the same. "Ajax, (Y/N), how is Zelenossosh for you two?" She stroked your hand which she was holding.

"It was very lovely!"

"As I expected." She gave you one more smile before turning to her second son. "I take it you complete all your duties there."

"Your Majesty, you have nothing to worry about." Childe said followed by a wink which made the older woman almost roll her eyes.

The Queen turns to you again, this time bringing her eyes to scan you from head to toe. "In that case, I can conclude that everything went well there. Of course, we can't wait for some good news from you two."

From the sentence, you furrow your brows. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." You turned to Childe only to find him responding with a nervous laugh.

When the Queen was about to open her red lips to answer, you felt a large hand placed on your shoulder as he gently massaged it slightly. You got goosebumps as it descended until it reached your back, leading you to start taking a step forward.

"Your Majesty, please excuse us. The trip was so tiring, we wanted to rest for a while." He said, getting a frown from his mother.

"But, we want to play with Princess (Y/N)!"

Tonia and Teucer started their protest however, this time Childe didn't give them what they wanted. He was in such a hurry to get you into the palace you could only wave at them twice.

Childe pulls back the guiding hand placed on your back and you can feel a tinge of sadness from the lost warmth. The two of you walked down the hall in silence—perhaps he really meant it when he said the journey was exhausting. However, you still did not take your mind off the Queen's words.

It's only a few more steps until you reach your room, which means you probably won't find the opportunity to ask again. You are busy peeling the skin of your fingers while constantly racking your brain for answers.

You quickly turned to him. "What good news are they waiting for?" You ask, turning your head and meeting his blue eyes.

There are expressions that you think are made up of nervousness and doubt. You wonder why he put that on his face just from a simple question. Maybe it's not from what you ask but from the answer.

"You're still thinking about that?"

You gave a curt nod then said, "Judging by your expression, you seem to know what this is all about.

Childe notices that your hands are intertwined in the same position every time he catches you peeling the skin around your nails. He immediately cupped them in his gloved hands.

"It's not something so important that you need to worry like this."

"Still, I want to know."

Childe should have known that sometimes you can be just as stubborn as he is—if not, maybe more so. Now, you look at him straight with eyes that demand he answer you. Instead of feeling like he has to fulfill the request, he's lost in his sights exploring every inch of you. Long eyelashes. The earrings he thinks are perfect for you.

Oh right. The question.

As if he just didn't spend his time memorizing your facial features, now those blue eyes are aimed at your hands in his in an attempt not to meet your eyes at all.

"An heir." He said so quietly that you barely caught him.

The answer you've been waiting for silences you, snatching the words that have been hanging in the back of your throat. You watch Childe take off his gloves, put your hands in them, then tie a knot at the end to handle the size that's too big for you.

"An heir." He repeated, louder than before.

"Oh." Only that can come out of you.

Childe looked at you, then gave a small chuckle. "You don't have to think about that." You couldn't really believe that considering how important successors were to a future king. "After all, we're still young."

You listened quietly. For a man who grew up with many siblings, you'd think Childe would have dreams of starting his own little family. There were several possible reasons that popped into your head that made him act this way but, you tried to brush it off. Somehow, you want to believe that at least something has changed in your relationship with him.

Small steps. Take small steps.

A smile you gave him, hoping it would reassure him you weren't thinking too hard about it anymore. "I think you're right about that." You said.

Childe painted his own. He kisses your now gloved hand, sending butterflies flying in your stomach. It would be foolish to hope that the cold winter wind would soothe the warmth on your cheeks.

He raised one of your hands as proof of your crimes. "What did I say about picking your finger skin?"

You took in his pursed lips and couldn't help but laugh from it. "That I'll hurt myself if I keep doing it." You said before continuing, "I'll try not to do it again."

Satisfied with your promise, Childe smiled and let go of your hand from his. Before long, the sound of someone's high heels making an echo down the hall, prompting you both to turn to the source and find a platinum blonde woman standing in another of her fancy dress. If there is something that will always fit together, it would be Rosalyne and crimson red.

"It's not even noon yet, I've found you two being all sweet like this." Lips that were polished with solid color lipstick formed a smirk.

"Duchess Rosalyne." Unlike Childe, you greet her.

Her feet were brought together after she stopped walking in front of you. "I heard about Your Highnesses who just arrived from Zelenossosh, therefore I postponed my return so I can meet Her Highness Princess (Y/N)." She says.

"Oh, is that so? Then how about we have tea together?" You suggested, not noticing Rosalyne's glance at Childe for a moment.

"That would be lovely, Your Highness."

When you turned to your husband, you just realized his face looked like he was bothered by something. You returned your gaze to Rosalyne and then back to him. These two people.. are they enemies with each other?

Before you opened your mouth, another sound of footsteps made the three of you turn to Dmitri who was running then stopped.

"Your Highness!" He adjusted it between breaths he was stabilizing. "The meeting will start in a moment."

Childe turned to you, "Looks like I have to go."

"I hope it will go smoothly." You smiled which he thought was cute.

He gave you a nod. Childe landed his eyes on Rosalyne who was acting blind at how sharp his glare was. He moved his legs, walking making the sound of his own footsteps which was then followed by Dmitri's after he bowed to the two of you.

Now that it's just you and Rosalyne, you stare at her with a faint smile. "Let's go now." You invited her.

You end up chatting with Rosalyne in one of the drawing rooms. After the waiter pours the tea, you two raise your own cups to take a sip. Rosalyne put hers down first, lightly tapping the napkin on her lips.

"I hope your two months at Zelenossosh are nothing but fun, Your Highness."

You gave her a smile. "Have you ever been there?"

Rosalyne nodded, replaying the memories in the back of her head. "My husband took me there several times. However, now that I think about it, it has been a long time since we visited." She answered, cutting the piece of cake in front of her with a small fork in hand.

"Is that so? Well, I can assure you it won't be in vain if you make those vacation plans now."

Rosalyne took a mental note on your suggestion. "I will discuss it with my husband." She says. "I heard that a new horse was brought far from there. Did His Highness buy another one?"

Hearing that, you hid a smile behind the cookies you were about to bring to your lips. "Oh, you must be talking about Huan."

"Is that its name?"

In the nod you gave her, you also tried to fight the urge to widen your smile. "Ajax—I mean, His Highness got it for me." You said softly, blushing.

Meanwhile, those gray eyes roaming your face did not miss the tinge of red that filled your cheeks. Rosalyne smiled, remembering her younger self. She recalled the first time she met Rostam—the man who had promised her he would make her happy for the rest of her life, and he had proven himself true to his word.

"How sweet of him." She said half-heartedly.

Your conversation proceeds to another topic. You recounted some of the things you did in those two months—including your interest in embroidery—then followed by Rosalyne recounting her time when she was younger.

Until she starts telling stories about legends in Sumeru—the nation where she used to study—you remember something.

"Duchess." You called out to her, making her stop from picking up cookies from the cake holder on the table. When those gray orbs land their gaze on you, you don't wait for her to verbally reply to you. "I want to ask you something."

Rosalyne looked at you curiously before saying, "Go ahead."

Honestly, you're not sure asking her about the Divine Tree will give you an answer. However, when you hear stories so magical about Sumeru, you can't help but heed the thought that Rosalyne might know something.

"The Divine Tree." You mentioned it, scanning her face to see her eyebrows raised in slight interest. "Have you heard the legend about it?" You fired your question.

At first, you doubted Rosalyne would have any information about this. But when you notice her lips pulled up in a smirk, you know you're going to get at least one piece of the puzzle unsolved.

"What's with the sudden interest in the Divine Tree?"

"I often hear people talking about it." You answered quickly to avoid suspicion.

A chuckle left her, though you're unsure whether she buys your lie or not. "It's funny that His Highness asked me the same thing a few months ago." She said and you were stiff on the spot.

Childe asked about the Divine Tree? Why? And what was that, months ago?

"Is it… something special?" You asked.

"Oh, the Divine Tree? It's more than special." She replied, taking a breath before continuing, "It is a tree that is legendary in Sumeru. It was said that it was so great it could grant almost any wish if one were to kneel under its blooming flower." She watched your face turn even more interested.

"Grant any wish?" You furrowed your brows, thinking about the possibility of why Childe would kneel there in the future. "Can it revive the dead?"

Rosalyne laughed behind the fan she opened. "Like I said, even magic has its limits."

It has its limit? Meaning Childe wasn't there hoping Anton to come back to life. You recall your vision—where the ginger-haired man mumbled with his head down, hair falling over his face. Apart from him wearing shabby clothes like he hasn't changed them for weeks, no detail will help you.

"Where exactly is it?" You ask again.

"Since the flower grows and blooms once every eight centuries, people who have seen it have died before telling it to their children and grandchildren. Its exact location is buried into a legend."

Your brows furrowed from that. "So you're saying now no one knows where it is?"

Rosalyne raised her cup. "Well, no human lived that long to continue to believe in the existence of a magic tree, right?" She said before sipping the remnants of her tea. "Besides, it could be just the creation of Akademiya students who are too bored with their studies."

No, you want to say. It really exists!

And somehow Childe will be the one to know exactly where its roots are. Or maybe he already found it? You can't deduce anything now from your lack of information.

Rosalyne set her cup down on the table, interrupting your train of thought.

"It's so lovely to talk to you but, I have to go now to attend a meeting." She stood up and bowed to you.

"Ah," you then replied, "thank you for your time."

"Of course, Your Highness." Rosalyne smiles at you, this time you want to think it's genuine.

After Rosalyne left, you returned to the silence of the room which allowed you to get lost in your thoughts. However, it didn't last long because after that, your ladies-in-waiting came into the room to ask what you wanted to do after this.

As usual, you tell them you want some fresh air.

Throughout your aimless stride, you are not really aware of your surroundings. You don't even notice the two figures who don't slow down until you hear the mumbling of the ladies behind you.

"It's His Royal Highness!"

You stopped however, realizing it was too late now that Childe was in front of you with his usual smile. Behind him was Dmitri fixing his glasses which had slipped to the tip of his nose after he bowed to you.

"Daydreaming in the afternoon?" Childe teases you.

"Ajax." You called out to him, scanning his less tired face. Looks like he had time to drink coffee or take a nap on the sidelines of his busy schedule. "Is your meeting over?"

"Mmhm." He nodded.

You smile from it. "Is it about the hunting competition next week?" You asked.

Every year Snezhnaya organizes hunting competitions in the spring. It became one of the events that even other kingdoms and empires were waiting for because of the excitement. You never went to one before, though you still remember when Shiva brought home a brown bear with arrows pierced several parts of its body.

"That's right, Your Highness!" Dmitri was the one who answered you enthusiastically. "Allow me to tell you that His Highness always wins first place every year!"

You already know that because Shiva always talks about him every time he comes home from Snezhnaya. However, you're thinking of leaving Dmitri with his pride in your husband and acting like it's the first time you've heard of it.

"Is that true?"

Dmitri nodded so eagerly that you felt your own neck hurt from looking at him.

"His Royal Highness always manages to catch the biggest and most prey! Even now, no one has been able to beat him! Oh, I'm sure if you ask him he'll give it all to you so you can turn it into a fur coat or scarf!"

The prey obtained can be used as whatever the hunter wishes. For those who have a partner, it is no secret for them to dedicate it all to their loved ones. All these years, you never got anything from Childe and honestly this year you didn't expect to get anything. After all, you're not a fan of furry clothes.

However, you want to know what his answer will be if you ask that question.

"Is that true?" You turned to Childe who was looking at you with his blue eyes. "You'll give me those if I ask you to?"

In a flash, he put on a smile that reached his eyes. He nods, the earrings in his ears swinging from how enthusiastic he is to answer you. "Of course! I'll give it to you—"

Childe stopped talking too suddenly. He stared at you with wide eyes in the next second, as if he had just seen a ghost pass in front of him. Dead words on his still gaping lips. The expression on his face reflected that he was going through something in his head—a thought that kept him staring at you.

You furrowed your brows in worry. "Ajax?" You turned to Dmitri who was just as confused as you were.

From your calling, it managed to bring him back to reality. However, you couldn't help but notice how the smile had fallen from reaching his eyes, leaving behind only dull blue eyes that were enough to convince one that no light would ever get into them.

"Of—of course." You've also picked up the loss of excitement from his voice. "Of course, I'll give it to you."

Now, it's your turn to be unable to believe what has happened in front of you. Childe seems to have transformed into someone you don't recognize in a matter of seconds, in the blink of an eye. And you're not crazy if Dmitri feels the same way.

Before you were about to ask from your concern over his change in attitude, Childe had let out a dry laugh that you knew was far from genuine.

"Apologies, I seem to have forgotten I had unfinished business."

The sentence makes you doubt your own memory. Didn't he just say he had taken care of everything?

Dmitri opened his mouth to protest, "Unfinished business? But, Your Highness, everything has—"

"Surely you forgot one." Childe cut him off quickly as he turned around.

Dmitri looked at his back which was starting to drift away then to you then back to Childe as if he were watching a ball roll in a Pall-Mall game. He couldn't help but follow him, which made him bow in a hurry before running after the ginger haired.

You're not sure what just happened.

Chapter 18: Spring Sorrows

Notes:

Thanks to those who donated to my Ko-fi:
AbbyBianx

Please read while listening to this: playlist?list=PLM6hNZNBL4VG0RP5W-_rzLqBfcvb3MUGC .

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Nothing screams loneliness louder than the moon hanging alone in the night sky. The pale light coming in through the window was not appreciated enough by the two people in the room, or maybe it was because they had more important things to talk about.

The shawl that wraps your shoulders you tighten on your body. Rather than shielding yourself from the cold, you'd rather hope it brings you comfort because you know Childe's presence isn't here to provide you with that. It's a harsh reality for you, he's here for reasons very, very far from giving you what you'd be grateful for.

Standing in front of you is the figure of a man who has accepted your heart even though he has no intention to keep it safe. However, it wasn't his fault, was it? You should have opened your eyes wide to realize he is nothing more than a storm that will only bring you pain.

It's so naive you think love will be enough for him, when he's already got it from another woman—the woman he wants, the one he loves.

"Lumine is pregnant."

The woman who is now carrying his child.

Though he had said it softly, you wished he could try to make it quieter to at least save the remaining pieces of your shattered heart. However, you also know that even if he dipped those words in honey or even the sweetest sugar in the world, it would still taste like poison to you.

In silence, Childe opened his mouth again, "You know what I have to do to make sure this child becomes the legitimate heir to the royal throne."

Of course you know. He will divorce you and marry Lumine so that his heir or heiress is born in a legal marriage. Though it's so unfair how he easily achieved his happiness by dumping you without a second thought.

"I think this is some kind of solace." You told him.

Ignoring your sarcasm, Childe said, "With this, you are free from the obligations of husband and wife." He was silent for a moment, letting out a mocking scoff. "You must be happy. I knew from the start this marriage was a disaster for you."

More precisely, loving him is a disaster for you.

After assuming all about you, he just stood there with his empty gaze. You wonder what else he wants to say. Maybe he's waiting for you to crumble in front of him, which that'll be the only thing he won't get.

However, that's so hard to do when he's still here with the blue that you wish you could stay in.

When you inhale, it feels heavy as if an anchor is anchoring your lungs to the deepest part of your soul. Relief comes before it disappears, futile in your attempts to distract yourself from the burning feeling in your eyelids.

"Should I congratulate you?" You entertained a smile that failed to hide how insincere it was. "After all, this is what Your Highness has always wanted."

"(Y/N)."

Childe takes a step forward while you take a step back. Why would he approach you like this? Like a man who wants to give an explanation. You don't need one. You are not blind and deaf to know what has happened.

However, your husband is still trying his luck to speak to you one last time.

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

If you knew he was going to utter nonsense like this, you should have just covered your ears. The man who is skilled at taking you to fly high before releasing you to watch you crumble before his eyes.

But why is he looking at you like he's falling apart with you?

"You didn't."

He did. But, just like Childe, you are a bigger liar than he is.

"You didn't hurt me at all, Prince." You repeated. "Somehow, I expected that this would happen eventually."

A wave of pain travels from your heart to the rest of your body. The heart that he held only to be broken.. you wish the love that fills it disappears with it. A man skilled at infringing on great love affairs, a man whose words are falser than promises made in red wine.

As for love—why is it never enough for both of you and yet, more than enough to break you? A divorce, proof he would do anything for that woman and the child she was carrying. Which leads you to deep suffering, makes all your efforts in vain.

An oracle does not dream.

An oracle does not dream.

An oracle. Does. Not. Dream.

Therefore, when you wake up in sweat and a face that has been wet from tears; you feel a lot of emotions creeping like a cobweb that spreads from its center. You sat down, crying and having trouble breathing at the same time. Hyperventilation. Even so, the little air that manages to fill your lungs feels like a needle rather than something you need.

In trying to remember your 'nightmare', you keep wondering: What went wrong? Where did it all start to go wrong?

Yesterday, you were fine. Other than the vision of the Divine Tree, you don't get anything to worry about. Now, it's as if the earth is turning upside down so fast—you get one that says Childe will divorce you for the sake of the child Lumine is carrying, and that's enough for Snezhnaya and Liyue to be in bad condition again.

At the end of the war created by the butterfly effect, Zhongli died in your arms.

You have tried everything to avoid that from happening. However, it's as if heaven has many ways of destroying it and putting you in misery.

As for love—why is it never enough? You think progress in your relationship with Childe will change everything. Or maybe it's just another useless wish of yours? Are you hallucinating about all the sweet memories that happened at Zelenossosh?

Oh, Zelenossosh. The dream town. It is common knowledge that as beautiful as dreams are, they are fleeting images that will meet its end.

Your head feels like it's about to explode from the intense emotions that hit you repeatedly. However, you did nothing to defuse it, adding more by running your hand over your strands and pulling them tight.

"Why.. why.. WHY?!"

Even though you know no one is answering you, you feel like you hear the universe laughing at your futile efforts. Stupid woman who thought she would be enough.

You let go of your grip on your head, feeling the strands falling from the force you grabbed yourself. Your head turned to the mirror located not far from the bed so that it was possible to show your reflection. So sad, so unlovable, so unworthy of happiness.

You gritted your teeth as your feet touch the cold floor. Your hand grabs the gold candle holder on the nightstand, making your way to the front of the mirror.

The reflection of a woman who knows her love has no home. And love without a place creates misery. You who are never enough, both for Childe are also destiny. Something whispered, your life is written with the pen of suffering.

The fists around the candle holder paled. You threw it in the mirror, watching it shatter. At least now it's not just your heart that's in pieces.

Where did you all go wrong? You keep repeating the question in your mind until it creates an echo. Though, no matter how many times you say it, reciting it like a magical spell that will sweep away your pain, it has no answer—just like many things in your life.

Now, instead of thinking being an oracle was a miracle—you were more convinced it was a curse. The curse saw the suffering to come and yet, could do nothing to change it.

Your limbs no longer have power. You sank to the floor in your muffled cries. An attempt to reduce the pain in the chest which ended in vain.

Why is happiness now far from reaching your hands again? When people easily get it without trying, it seems impossible to you. The grudge that God has for you, you want to know how to atone it so that He doesn't continue to bring you suffering.

Laura wasn't surprised to find that the hallway she used to go through to reach your room was still quiet. It was still too early for the nobles and servants to start their day. Therefore, she is curious as to what made you ask her to go to your room when the sun is still in the process of showing itself.

Her knuckles knock before she turns the doorknob after hearing your response. As soon as she pushes the door, she finds you standing in front of a large window with the curtains drawn. She walked over after closing the door.

"You called, Your Highness?" Laura asked.

"Yes."

Her dark eyes widen when she hears your voice. Even though you answered firmly however, she didn't get past how hoarse it sounded. From where she was standing now, she swept the entire room perhaps to find something was wrong.

Laura was completely silent as her gaze landed on the golden mirror standing not far from you. She could see the multiple reflections in the cracks, some of which had fallen to the floor. The candle holder shouldn't be there. She squinted to pick up other details and managed to spot a drop of red liquid around it.

Drops of blood dripping from your index finger. It was only when she looked up that she realized how different you looked.

"Please clean this up." You said, looking at her with empty puffy eyes.

Laura watched the blood fall to the floor after staining your nightgown. Your disheveled hair.. what's really going on?

"Y-Your Highness.. your finger.."

"Oh right," You caught her attention. "Don't let Countess Sasha and Ksenia know about this."

Once you walk pass her, she doesn't just smell the roses from your body. She glances at the condition of your fingers and assumes that apart from being hit by a shard of the mirror, you've also been picking on it—a habit you have every time you're deep in thought.

You heard Laura finally mumble a yes under her breath. She starts doing what you tell her to do. While you sit on the sofa, propping your head on your hands while closing your eyes which are heavy either from the lack of sleep or the result of crying non-stop last night. However, from your overly noisy mind, you know you won't get that lost rest now.

"Your Highness."

You opened your eyes from Laura's call. She had called a maid to clean the mirror pieces. From the look in your eyes at her, she knows you're waiting for her to continue what she's about to say.

Laura put her eyes on your fingers. "Your fingers." She was quite hesitant to say this.

From her words, you raised your right hand to scan it. A cold glance over the injured, peeled and reddened skin. You did it again. A habit hated by your mother, by Ajax.

Saying his name in your heart makes you bite your inner cheek. Could this be the reason why you are not enough?

I'll never be enough, you tell yourself. You will never be enough and maybe all you have to do is accept it. Yes, that's it. Burying feelings is nothing new to you, therefore you will do it again.

You hosted a smile so suddenly that Laura was sure you were a different person.

"Ah, looks like I have to wear gloves today." You said, looking at her with eyes conflicted with your lips curled up. "Laura, can you prepare me for a bath now? I think it will be too long to wait for the Countess and Ksenia."

Laura looked at you in surprise before nodding. "Very well, Princess." She rushed to the bathroom then.

When the sun is high enough, there is a knock on your door which you assume is Sasha and Ksenia. Through the dressing table mirror in front of you, you glanced to make sure the remnants of the mess you made had been cleaned up. Sasha and Ksenia went inside then.

"Good morning, Your Highness. I hope you slept well."

Sasha didn't expect to find you in your robes with wet hair that Laura had brushed. Without you telling her, she knows you've washed yourself before they come—which is something a princess of a royal family wouldn't normally do.

Sasha turned her gaze to Laura sharply. "Did Lady Laura come here too early?" Her thick lips moved as she interrogated.

"Yes." Without looking at her, you answered quickly and curtly. "I ordered her. I hope you don't mind that." You said, this time forcing a faint smile that you didn't hide the fakeness of.

Sasha knew there was something different about your behavior today but couldn't put a finger on it.

The older woman cleared her throat. "Though I don't mind, you shouldn't have called Lady Laura and told her to wash you alone." Different from usual, this time she reprimanded you quite softly as if she knew you were a ticking time bomb that was threatening to explode any time soon.

You don't pay attention to those words. You just dropped the smile earlier, leaving an expressionless face and empty eyes that continued to stare at the reflection of your dressing table mirror.

"Just do my hair, please."

Laura looked at Sasha and Ksenia from their burning gazes. The room was still silent, you were still the last to speak but, Sasha demanded an answer from the lady who was combing you. You don't care if Laura ends up telling her about the broken mirror this morning, you don't care about anything anymore.

Luckily for you, Laura ended up shaking her shoulders as if she was as clueless as the Countess.

The long hallway you usually pass through to reach the dining room. Entering the room, the table was occupied only by Teucer and Tonia who greeted enthusiastically. It's crazy how those big smiles you used to find cute only bring you pain, reminding their faces in your visions as they usher you out of the palace for good.

In that vision, Tonia stood with a gloomy face watching her little brother hold the hem of your dress to keep you from leaving. The boy who doesn't want to leave your embrace because he knows once it's over, you're going to leave and never come back.

Those fresh memories are there to ensure you will never again find happiness every time you land your eyes on them.

"Princess (Y/N)! Princess (Y/N)!" Teucer called you cheerfully.

Tonia then added, "Please sit with us!"

You bit your lip to distract your mind from inciting tears to well up. With the smile you tried to give, you wished both of them good morning. The servant pulls a chair near them for you. Teucer and Tonia started to talk about what happened in their history class but, unlike usual, it failed to fill your heart.

How tragic, you mistake this numbness for serenity.

After breakfast, Teucer and Tonia ask you to take them to the room where their ethics class will be taught. Under the pillars in the middle of the garden you pass, you hold their hands while listening to them sing another Snezhnayan song which only becomes a blur to your ears.

Why?

One simple question with no answer. Why did everything suddenly change?

That short-lived happiness... what was the trigger that brought it to an end? On the way home from Zelenossosh, nothing bad happened between you and Childe. You also had a chance to talk to him before he had to take care of unfinished business.

So, why do you feel like you're at the starting point now?

Whether you missed a question asked by Teucer or the melancholy painted on your face was too obvious for the boy, he has cast blue irises full of curiosity on you. You're holding your breath from how it looks exactly like someone's eyes.

"Um.. are you okay?" He asked.

You just realized you are no longer walking, holding back Teucer and Tonia with you. That's enough to bring the attention of the children and your ladies-in-waiting behind you. While you were busy thinking, you accidentally dropped your fake smile.

Tonia looked at you, "Princess?"

Two pairs of wide blue eyes demand a response from you. You bite your inner cheek when an image of someone flashes through your brain. It radiates pain in your chest, maybe you're not completely numb after all.

You try to carve a new smile on your face. "My apologies, I didn't hear you. What did you say again?" You asked both of them.

The boy huffed, "I asked, what prey would you ask Brother Ajax for." He repeated his question.

Your brows met in the middle, "Prey?"

Tony nodded quickly. "Don't tell me you forgot about the hunting competition!"

Hunting competition. The annual event held by Snezhnaya every spring arrives, where many nobles and foreign guests will come here. Which means you will meet old friends from Liyue, Inazuma, Mondstadt—

You freeze. Your stomach feels pulled and twisted. Cold sweat that came suddenly wet your body.

Is it possible that..?

You took a shaky breath. Could this all be triggered by the possibility that Childe and Lumine would meet at the hunting competition? Against your will, you imagine him welcoming her into his arms with the same smile he gave you. The image of him kissing every part of Lumine—

Nausea from your anxiety peaked and your ladies-in-waiting rush to you. You covered your lips, while Teucer and Tonia looked at you worriedly.

"Your Highness!"

"Princess! Are you sick?!" Tonia asked.

None of them you respond to. Your head feels light, yet your shoulders feel heavy. More unanswered questions come to your mind. However, one thing you really want to ask is: will he really come back to her?

Sasha is by your side to help support your unstable legs. She put her hand to the side of your neck and felt your cold sweat.

"Your Highness! Your body is shivering!" Sasha said before ordering Laura and Ksenia to support you in case you might faint. "Your Highnesses, please forgive us, it seems Princess (Y/N) is in a bad condition. Please continue your walk to class with the nannies." She said to Teucer and Tonia.

"Will she be okay?" Teucer looked at you worriedly.

"Do not worry, Her Highness is just exhausted. You'd better go to class as soon as possible."

You pushed away the small bottle of perfume Laura had given you to ease the nausea from your nose. "I'm sorry, Princess Tonia, Prince Teucer." You said weakly.

Tonia and Teucer approached you. "I hope Princess recovers soon!" The boy said.

"Please rest well, Princess (Y/N)!" Tonia added.

You have to give them a smile before letting your ladies-in-waiting lead you back to your room.

Nothing on their part can defuse everything that is happening to you. The tea they brew for you doesn't make you better either. No matter how much rose oil they pour into your bath, it doesn't wash away the tightness in your chest. After the maid cleaned up your dinner, Sasha insisted on putting you to bed.

However, even though your room now only depends on the moonlight that enters through the window, you can't close your eyes from how noisy your head is.

You left your bed to sit on the sofa. Fresh flowers brought by your ladies-in-waiting hang out of the vase on the table. Your head is leaning up to stare at the ceiling of the room, while your mind wanders back and forth.

Maybe it's the law of nature that you deserve to suffer.

From continuing to curse yourself, the eyes that let out a single tear closed. The air flows in and out of your chest slowly. Jaws locked from your attempts to cry silently. Then tired comes to you, takes you to a short sleep that you hope will give you the opportunity to wake up in a better state of mind.

In fact it became hope that once again met with disappointment.

You are floating, or you are actually being carried by someone. Your head that had been resting on someone's beating chest was propped up by your neck that turned and found Childe walking while carrying you to the bed.

".. Ajax?"

Hearing his name being called, the man lands his blue on you. "Sorry, did I wake you up?" He gives a guilty smile, placing you slowly to sit on the bed.

You furrowed your brows as you watched him pull the blanket over you. "Why are you here?" You asked.

"I heard you were sick."

It brought realization to what had happened so far. Your heart is no longer enthusiastic about his presence, instead it feels pain in every beat. Your tongue instantly went numb, bitter as if you had drunk various kinds of poison.

".. and?" Your voice comes out low.

Childe laughed. "What's with that silly question? Of course then I came to see you." He runs his fingers through the hair that covers part of your face.

When he caresses you, it feels like he's not only touching your strands of hair but also with the knots of your soul. Releasing it, whispering that now you can breathe freely.

"I heard My Princess was being naughty. What happens to not picking your finger skin?" Childe lifts up your bandaged finger, proving his point while pursing his lips like a child.

When the skin of his fingers meet yours, it feels like he has left an imprint on you. With this sweet treatment, then how can you not fall in love with him?

What part of him makes you still hopeful even though you know Childe is just a hurricane full of misery? Like you said before, he's falser than promises made in red wine. However, you want to give him a try, perhaps he has a little place in his heart for you. Perhaps.

"Please don't go to her."

In the silence of the night, the words conveyed clearly to him. You watched his face distort in confusion.

"What—"

"Please don't go to Lumine." This time, your voice was louder, even with a quiver in it. "Please don't go to her." You repeated.

Childe caught it, far too clear. That was why the smile had fallen as his lips hung open without a word coming out of it. You watched his blue eyes widen as his forehead creased into a frown.

A breath you take. "I-I know you and her aren't over yet." You said in a shudder triggered by stirred emotions.

While you give him time to process your words, you expect him to deny it. Or maybe he'll promise you a promise that you hope he'll try to keep this time. At the bottom of your heart, you are waiting for something to happen.

Childe was still silent, you took this as an opportunity to speak again "I won't be mad at you. So, please, don't go to—"

"I can't."

Those two words are enough to kill your words and the hope in you.

You stare at him in shock, while he keeps his gaze anywhere but you.

"What?"

Childe bit his lip. "I can't."

In your little naivety, you wonder why he can't look at you, why can't you stop needing him to look at you? When he has taken all of your heart and your ability to love another.

Instantly, the touch of his fingers no longer felt soothing. In fact, it kind of sets you on fire because you know he wishes you were someone else.

When the blurry vision comes into focus, you know you've let the tears roll down your cheeks. You caught the change in his expression, though failing to interpret what he was thinking.

"Why?" You ask in a low voice.

Blue eyes widen from your question. Either he doesn't expect you to be this bold or he thinks you're too stupid to still ask.

Childe locked his jaw. "I'd better go."

You always hated how easy it was for him to come and go. He gets up from your bed, you chase him with the same question.

"Why, Ajax?" This time, your intonation is slightly higher than before.

"(Y/N), enough." He warned.

Unfortunately for him, you see warnings as something to break. Just like when your mind screams not to love him. You should know that it's just trying to keep you away from things that will only bring you pain.

"Why?! Why can't you just leave her?!"

A harsh huff escaped Childe as he turned his head towards you, facial expression no different than yours, both tinged with anger.

"Isn't that obvious?!" His loud voice does not shake you.

"What?!"

"I LOVE HER!"

Instantly the room was left with an echo of his rages. The heart that you gave him was crushed right before your eyes.

This is not the first time he has made words disappear though they have been hanging on the tip of your tongue, however, this is the most bitter. Your too much desire exists only to make you aware that you failed to get it.

For you to compete with the person he loves is impossible. What a melancholy spectacle.

From the gathered tears blurring your vision, you don't know what kind of expression he's making now. You're also trying not to care, after all nothing of it was made for you—it's about time you got to know that. You nod even though your face reflects that you have a hard time accepting what he's saying.

"Of course." You're the first to speak up.

A laugh comes out of you. You thought it would ease the pain in your chest a little but, instead, it made clear how the recesses of your heart felt very, very empty.

"Of course you love her." You said to Childe with a smile.

Childe opened his mouth, "(Y/N)—"

You hook your hands in front of you. "I'm sorry, Prince. For a moment, I forgot the reason of my existence. From now on, whatever it is that you wish to do, you may do it." Another of your bad habit, thinking if you pretend you don't feel it, it will completely go away.

In fact, it leaves a mark on you. It burns you hotter than any fire in the world. It kills you slowly.

"Please excuse me."

"(Y/N)!"

You took your chance to walk towards the door. Your ears are deaf from all his calls to you. You have to stop missing his voice. The love you have for him.. there's not much you can do but bury it.

Yes, spring is so beautiful. Where the air is sweet, the flowers are blooming, and the melted water is no longer as cold as winter. But, you're going to just stand here, letting numbness envelop every inch of you. In fear that if you move, the future will get closer. And all this you strive for is in vain.

Notes:

OKAY. SO.. HOW WAS IT?! though this isn't the only angst because there's more to come~ BTW I JUST READ THE COMMENTS LMAOO it was hilarious. and some of your guesses are correct, but i won't say which one! *wiggles eyebrows* thanks for the kudos, comments, and kofi supports3

Chapter 19: The Price of Love

Notes:

I READ YOUR COMMENTS! and lemme see if i can do something with aether. hope you enjoy this one3 thanks so much for the kudos and all of the hilarious comments AND rants about our ginger LMAO! believe me, it's what i look forward to after posting a new chapter.

Chapter Text

The reflection of the mirror in front of you is a woman whose beauty is in vain because her eyes stare lifelessly. While waiting for your ladies-in-waiting to finish your makeup, you just wait in silence like a porcelain doll. After styling your hair, Laura helps you put on a white wide-brimmed hat that matches your dress.

"We're done, Your Highness." Sasha told you.

A short nod you give to your ladies-in-waiting. "Good." You get up from the chair. "Let's go."

Today was the opening ceremony of the hunting competition. Where Childe will give a speech to welcome the nobles and foreign guests who have come since yesterday. People definitely expect you and him to appear side by side.

A sigh escapes your lips. You walk towards the door that Sasha opened and make a step towards the room where Childe is.

Once you reach the gold carved door, you take a deep breath. The guard standing next to it pulled the knob, revealing Childe with his back to you, still getting ready as the maids help him.

Dmitri is standing at the side of the room, his eyes light up with enthusiasm when he sees you.

"I greet Your Highness Princess (Y/N)!" He dipped into a curtsy.

You carved out the fake smile you gave him before turning to look at Childe who was staring at you through the mirror. "Good morning, Your Highness."

Dmitri and your ladies-in-waiting looked at each other hearing this. Your voice doesn't hide the cold inside. It's weird, whenever you're not in front of other nobles, you always call him by his birth name. Moreover the fact that you've been avoiding talking to him lately makes them assume something has happened between you two.

Childe stopped the maid from putting on his gold brooch. "I'll do it myself. All of you, leave us alone." He ordered.

And of course, now that he's had a chance to see you, he has to have that conversation.

Your head remains raised, not looking down even though the man in front of you doesn't hide the slightest bit of anger on his face. Whatever he's about to do to you you're trying not to care. If he wants to yell at you until there's no voice left in his throat, you will let him do that.

The door closes with a click! hinting the others had left.

His loafers made a sound as he descended the wooden podium where he had been standing before. "You've been avoiding me." His voice leaves traces that you don't understand. "I searched for you every night and found nothing but an empty chamber."

That's right. Recently, you've always been sleeping in the library after dinner and returned before dawn. You guessed correctly that Childe would visit you in the evening after you kept saying you were busy every time you met him in the morning and noon.

While you were in your thoughts, Childe had approached you and was now in front of you. "(Y/N)." He's calling you and you can't deny you miss the way your name sounds in his voice.

"Yes, Your Highness?"

His jaw hardened from the way you called him. You know you're stressing him out from your treatment when you find his brows furrowed.

"Stop." Either he is ordering or asking you don't know. "Stop calling me that."

You know exactly what he wants but you're not going to give him that. After all, you are not here to rile him up. If possible, you'd prefer him to shut up and stop talking to you.

In the end, there was no response you gave him.

Childe looked at you with eyes too honest to tell you he was sad. It was not expected. From staring back at him, you wonder since when did his under eyes get so dark. Has he been too busy lately or..

You bit the inside of your cheek. Stop, (Y/N). There's no way he'd lose sleep over you.

"You always call me Ajax." He reminded.

"That's true however, I do not regard we're that close to calling each other first names. "

The sadness was replaced by a face filled with anger. Oh, you never thought those empty blue eyes could be filled with fire. From how furious he is about everything you say, you think this is quite amusing.

"What could you possibly mean?! You are my wife!"

You want to laugh from it. Sometimes, you think Childe has lost his mind. How can he still try to convince you that you're his wife after saying he couldn't leave his lover? His voice was still fresh playing in the back of your head.

""I'm only aware of my place, like you said a week ago." You said.

Childe remained silent, like a liar whose lies had been exposed. His gaze dropped, straight to the floor. He saw it as though the marble designs he saw every day had transformed into something different. The moment he finds your eyes again, you know you're not going to like whatever he's going to say next.

"I know you're upset!" He said.

A wave of déjà vu washes over you. Your lips curl from this familiar feeling.

"I'm not." You answered with a short lie.

"(Y/N)!"

In contrast to your heart throbbing in pain, you entertained a mocking smile thrown at him. If he hopes you to crumble in front of him, Childe can go and take his fantasies with him.

"Are you going to say you're going to explain everything? If so, please save your time. I heard it so clearly that no explanation was required."

This time, it's your turn to kill the words hanging in the back of his throat. While Childe froze in place, you took the gold brooch from the table and walked back to him. Standing in front of him, you put the brooch on his right chest.

When you look up, you find blue that seems to be drowning in sadness. Perhaps you have underestimated his acting talent.

Before your hand left him, Childe had already cupped it. Your eyes widen from shock. The expression that is now shown on his face manages to add a scratch to your heart. Inside your lips, your teeth locked. You want him to stop acting like he's hurting from what he made himself.

You were about to retract your hand when he opened his mouth to ask,

"Are you intending to leave me?"

Instantly your body froze from his question. You swore you heard his voice tremble, but it may have been part of your delusion.

Without remorse, you swatted his hand away, releasing your own. You repositioned your gloves. After that, you returned your gaze to Childe, attempting not to interpret any of his present expressions.

"If you are done with your silly questions, please join me immediately. I will wait outside the room." You said, turning your high heels towards the door leaving him.

Unlike the usual banquet, the banquet of the opening ceremony of the hunting competition was held in the main garden of the Zapolyarny palace. The buffet table covered with white cloth was decorated in such a way amidst the flowers in full bloom. It is spring in the coldest country in all of Teyvat.

As soon as you and Childe arrived, the guests who had filled the garden gave you both smiles. Several of the women chatting behind their fans seemed to be talking about Childe.

You try not to care and continue to maintain your fake smile.

Before long, you find a familiar figure making its way towards the two of you. Shiva appeared with his long bangs slicked back. The long earrings hanging from his ears swayed with every step he took.

"(Y/N)." He smiled broadly at you.

You held your breath as he purposefully did not greet Childe. Does he still hold a grudge against him for what happened on your birthday night?

"Brother." You greeted him back before tightening your grip on your husband's arm. "Shouldn't you also greet His Highness Prince Childe?"

Shiva quickly dropped his smile while you were still holding on to yours. You know what he thinks about Childe. He's also not the type to hide his distaste for someone. However, you hope he can try for your sake.

"Ah," His eyes landed on Childe. "I'm sorry, Prince Childe. With a facial expression like that, I'm certain I'm not the only one who is reluctant to greet you."

From his words, you furrowed your brows. Shiva was never afraid of anyone or anything. Which meant what he just said was intended to make fun of Childe. You turned to the ginger haired and found him wearing an expression like he was about to commit a massacre soon. Maybe he's had it ever since the two of you got here.

On his face, he displayed a smile that did not in any way convey relief. You know the next thing that comes out of his mouth is no good.

"Ha! Is that so? I am indeed in a foul mood. But if Prince Shiva lets me take it out on him, things might improve better."

From his words, Shiva's eyes widened as his jaw clenched.

"You—!"

You grabbed Childe's hand to back away, avoiding Shiva who took one step forward. Between the two, neither of them were willing to put an end to the glares that were cast on each other. God, you just want a day where no bad visions and chaos occurs.

"Was that a threat earlier?" Shiva spoke in a voice that barely concealed his anger.

Childe laughed, clearly finding joy in angering him. "It was an invitation." He said, making you squeeze his arm signaling him to stop talking.

"Gentlemen, please refrain from making a fuss."

"You should have told your husband that." Shiva countered.

"Is your recall so poor that you can't remember who started it first?" Childe replied, no longer smiling.

"Would you both kindly stop?" You interrupt before Shiva can say anything that might actually spark a fight. These two people.. you know better that neither of them will give in.

"Brother, can you give us some space?" You said to Shiva.

Shiva opened his mouth to protest but the glare you gave him shut him down. With a reluctant nod, he then leaves before you and Childe.

As soon as he left, you let out a long breath.

"Please restrain your expression, whatever you may be thinking. We are currently in the public eye." You said softly just for Childe to hear.

"Are you really saying that? When it was your brother who initially wronged me?"

"I'm not talking about what just happened." You turned to him, unable to make out what those blue eyes were hinting at. You're either hallucinating or he's really deeply hurt by your actions. "It was just a suggestion." You continued, turning your gaze elsewhere.

"(Y/N)—"

"Dmitri is here." You told him after finding a familiar bespectacled man on his way approaching the two of you. When Dmitri stopped in front of you, your hand slipped out of Childe's arm, leaving behind a cold that he hated more than anything.

"Please give a good speech, Your Highness." you say to him.

His lips reopened. This guy never stops trying to tell you another bullshit. Before that happened, you'd already taken a step back and excused yourself by saying you wanted to greet the other nobles.

Bad luck seems to find its way to you in the same way that bad visions do. After greeting some nobles and suggesting they should try the food on the buffet table, you're about to grab a glass of fresh punch when your gaze is drawn to someone's blonde hair.

Lumine. Your husband's lover.

Unlike before, this time you felt anger stir up in your chest. Is it different because you've fallen for Childe and consider her as a rival?

But, you don't want to be one. Why are you competing with someone for love? After all, that would only embarrass you in the act of wanting something you can't have. With the person he loves, you will always suffer a humiliating loss.

"I greet Your Highness Princess (Y/N) of Snezhnaya."

The voice that greets you does not belong to Lumine. You land your gaze on a figure that you didn't notice before.

"Duke Aether." You give him a smile.

Aether gently nudged his twin sister to give you her greeting. "I-I greet Your Highness Princess (Y/N) of Snezhnaya." She bowed and lifted her dress hem slightly.

"Lady Lumine."

Honey-sweet blonde hair. Sparkling golden eyes. Lumine is a dream that is etched in the back of everyone's head. She was born to bring more majestic sunshine into the world. You're not even half, as pretty, and it's killing you.

You widened your smile then said, "Given that you both traveled all the way from Mond, I hope you enjoy the banquet and competition."

Aether nodded. "Of course, Your Highness." He replied to you.

You fell silent, lost in the questions in your mind. If you take your leave now, will Lumine take the chance to meet Childe? Or maybe vice versa? Or maybe they had met before today?

Stop. Stop it, you think. Didn't you say it yourself that he can do whatever he wants?

You don't realize you've gripped your punch glass tighter than necessary.

"Apologies, but I have some matters to attend to. Please, help yourself." You let Aether and Lumine enjoy the banquet.

After you've gotten away from them, you come across a spot that isn't really fit for a princess from the kingdom hosting the banquet. However, with your numb heart, you have no intention of maintaining the fake smile that causes your facial muscles to ache. There is no talk or gossip you want to immerse yourself in.

Once again, the world proves to you that it is such a cruel place, unforgiving and coldly indifferent. Once again, God has turned His back on you, or maybe from the start He never really cared about you.

When you are lost in your bad thoughts, you don't notice a pair of amber eyes staring at you from afar.

As soon as you enter the library, you sit in your usual window seat. This time, you don't bother taking one of the books to read the first few pages. You just want to close your eyes and unwind from the opening ceremony that ended this afternoon.

Eyelids opened, eyes fixed on the ceiling of the room.

You haven't cried in three days, and you have no plans to restart your streak. However, after seeing him today, seeing Lumine—that void in your chest is filled with everything but happiness again.

People who preached that love is the center of the world and the greatest thing a human being can feel—were they lying to you? Clearly, yours was like fruit growing around cyanide. Bitter and burning. Stifling and aching. It made you wish for the past and hate tomorrow.

The sound of someone's knuckles knocking on a bookshelf draws your attention to someone familiar.

Your eyes widen. "Zhongli?" You say his name.

Zhongli came with a smile on his handsome face. He's still the same as the last time you saw him and it puts a feeling of comfort in the depths of your heart. However, of course it was only a brief moment before you were reminded with your vision about his death. Once again, misery never stops following you.

"Am I disturbing you?" he asked, thinking your moodiness was caused by his presence.

You shook your head slowly, hosting a small smile yet, genuine. "How did you find me?"

"It was a lucky guess."

"Really?" You watched him approach you slowly. "Come to think of it, we didn't even have the chance to meet each other at the banquet. Was Duke Zhongli that occupied?"

A small laugh left his pretty lips. "You were purposefully avoiding long conversations. Hence, I thought I'd better leave you be." He said understandingly. "After all, we both know how tiring dealing with aristocrats can be." He continued, earning a smile from you.

"Does this mean you've been watching me?"

"And I didn't even miss a second." Zhongli knelt in front of your chair, which made you question why he didn't just sit next to you. From this close range, his face was even clearer. "Which is why I can effortlessly compare this smile of yours to the one before."

You were speechless from his last sentence.

"(Y/N)," He dropped the formalities, it's the first time you feel uneasy from it. He opened his mouth to continue, "is everything alright?"

Under those amber, you can feel the walls of your emotions crumbling one by one. You never understood why your fake expression worked for the nobles and everyone else but Zhongli. He can always see past you and can tell something isn't right despite your best efforts. This isn't good. You feel that the dam in your eyes is about to break.

"Yes." You try once again to smile, hoping he will fall for it. "Yes, everything is fine."

A tear, on the contrary, betrays you and leaves a trail on your cheek. From your vision that is no longer blurry, you see his surprised expression for a second before changing. Zhongli formed a smile, though it wasn't too wide for you to think he was mocking you.

"Silly you to think this time you will finally succeed in fooling me." He hands you a handkerchief with his duchy's crest on it.

You laughed dryly. Yes, how silly of you. The only person you are lying to right now isn't Zhongli but yourself. You, who prefers to bury her feelings rather than face them, believing it's better than people thinking you're sensitive or weak.

His gaze searches every inch of your face for the reason you refuse to say. However, your sadness is all he gets.

Zhongli opened his lips and asked, "Are you not happy here?"

That new question hit your chest. You don't know what to answer. To say that you are unhappy here is a lie, but to say otherwise is an even bigger lie. With your head down, you shook your head in response, even though you knew Zhongli didn't fully believe it.

Your shoulders are shaking more than ever. A sob escapes your lips despite your efforts to suppress it. Your gloved hands are tightly intertwined with each other.

If you looked up just once, you would find his handsome face marred by melancholy. He stares with amber dissolved in the sadness you share with him. Zhongli never thought of himself as someone good with words, but he really wanted to tell you how heartbreaking it was for him to see you cry.

For the first time, the great Duke of Morax didn't know what to do.

Meanwhile, you're still avoiding his eyes. What else can you do to avoid thinking about his death? Just once, you want to see him happy forever. If anyone deserved it, it was Zhongli.

"Zhongli?" Your hoarse voice called out to him.

"Yes?"

Your lips curled into a thin smile. "May.. may I see your future?"

Zhongli nodded without hesitation. If that will calm you down, then he will let you put your hand on his head and close your eyes. He's never curious about what the future holds for him, he just wants you to stop crying.

However, what you see is the same vision—Zhongli died in your arms.

God has turned His back on you.

Zhongli lifted your hand from his head, cupping it in his warm ones. When he looks at you, his eyes are filled with nothing but you. You dared to do the same though you ended up sobbing even more.

"What did you see?" He asked, more like trying to distract you than out of curiosity.

You bit your lip. The answer you refuse to say. You believe this should be buried deep as you seek for a way to change destiny. Keep it to yourself, as you normally would.

Another fake smile is hosted on your face. "I see you smiling with the person you love." Something that couldn't be further from the truth.

Zhongli laughed, stroking your fingertips that were wrapped in the satin gloves. Of course he wouldn't buy it. You'd better stop trying to trick him, because chances are he knows more about you than you do yourself.

"That's not possible." He says.

You furrowed your brows. You expected him to call out your lies and yet, he says his happiness is impossible? Did Zhongli feel he didn't deserve it?

Your lips were about to open in protest. At that moment, he continued his words.

"That's not possible,"

Zhongli repeated, making sure to look at you and you just noticed something different in those beautiful amber eyes. For some reason, you hold your breath.

"Because the one I love is you."

Instantly, it feels like time is finally generous enough to stop so you can process everything. Your throat tightens from the lack of oxygen yet, you don't bother to take a new breath.

Zhongli loves you.

Your mind is too muddled to wonder since when. However, it was so crazy that he still kept it up even though you were now a married woman. So this is what he meant by "impossible."

Though it's as bitter as that, that face you're staring at now displays no regret for having given his heart to you. As if he was protected from being torn apart by the pain of unrequited love.

How can someone be so willing? Willing to witness the person he loves falling in love with someone else.

Zhongli has no regrets. He knew very well where he was getting himself involved, he knew very well that he couldn't love anyone else after risking everything for you. Someone who had a different kind of love, someone who wasn't his to hold.

Even so, he did what devils do. Fall.

The ginger-haired man, who was always full of pride and arrogance, hung his head low for the first time. His fingers released their grip on the large doorknob behind him, however, he stood in the hallway as if he was still waiting for something.

His tongue tasted bitter, yet he couldn't remember taking any medicine today.

His hands covered his face as he let out a long sigh. Though no matter how many times he did it, it didn't lessen how heavy his chest felt. The air of this long hallway was cool yet what he felt was a burning sensation all over his body.

In that second, he got the answer to his doubts. Unfortunately for Childe, the price of it is seeing you in the arms of another man who has just confessed his love to you.

Chapter 20: Childe, Tartaglia, Ajax

Notes:

Spoiler warning: A bit of Childe's lore.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

As a young child, Ajax made his older brother—Anton—as his role model.

The crown prince who is always busy with his studies but, always has time for his little brother. He remembered how Anton would always rush as soon as class was over to accompany him to play swords with the wooden sticks they had.

Anton, who always protects him from the scary-looking guard dog. Whenever Ajax feared a monster was living under his bed, he would walk down numerous lengthy corridors to his room and check under with the candle he had taken with him. Anton would always reassure him that monsters didn't exist, and that even if they did, he would kill them for him.

"Be brave, Ajax." He always said.

And little Ajax will always reply: "But, I can't."

Anton would immediately wipe all the smiles off his face and look at his little brother with annoyance and then say, "Dummy! How are you going to be able to protect Tonia if you keep being such a scaredy cat?" He would then flick his forehead.

Bickerings he thought would never end. Anton proved otherwise as he sat on a horse in armor, right in front of the men he would command.

At that time, Ajax was still too young to understand the essence of war and the cost of victory. So, he did nothing but stand next to his parents, admiring his older brother who looked dashing. Anton was like the brave knight in the fairy tales he often read to him before going to bed.

When he said goodbye like the others, he didn't expect it to be the last he would say to his older brother.

After leaving for what he heard was the 'battlefield', Anton didn't return for so long that he started to miss him. Every time he asked about him to his mother, she would only show a faint smile as she said: "Let's hope your brother returns soon."

Yet, no matter how many times he prayed to God that Anton would quickly come home and play with him again, he never showed his face.

When a blizzard strikes Snezhnaya one day, Ajax is puzzled by Max—his father's confidant—who arrives with a glum expression. He mentions Anton's name and "death" in one breath, claiming that he died during the war. After that, his mother fell to the floor in tears.

Death was too complex for someone so young. And how would he understand its true meaning if every time he mentioned his older brother's name, people would immediately sputter and change the topic?

"Your Highness shouldn't talk about His Highness Prince Anton that easily, especially in front of Her Majesty." they always say.

"Prince Ajax will understand when you grow up." They added.

When he asked about Anton to his parents, his father would get solemn, and his mother would burst into tears. So, young Ajax came to the conclusion to never mention anything about his older brother, even though he missed him terribly.

Two years later, a grand banquet was held. Ajax could compare this to what they usually did and knew this was a very important one from the many times his mother kept adjusting his clothes to ensure they were flawless by her standards. She also reminds him to be courteous, claiming that this would determine the fate of their people.

As soon as he walked into the room, he could see many nobles waiting for them. However, he had no recollection of ever inviting people in different clothes from what he was used to seeing.

"Mama, where are they from?" Ajax asked his mother.

"They're from Liyue, my dear."

Liyue. Strange name. Besides Mondstadt, Inazuma, Sumeru, Natlan, Fontaine, and Khaenriah; he had never heard of that name.

His mother came to a complete stop in front of the Liyuean family. Ajax took the opportunity to scan their entire outfit from head to toe. However, he discovered something more intriguing than that.

A girl standing next to her mother.

Big eyes looked at him with the same curiosity. Her hair, which he was certain was as silky as satin, was styled in twin buns. She was dressed in a clothing that was different from the typical Snezhnayan attire, and rather than being strange, he thought it was lovely.

The beautiful girl was looking at him while the adults talked. Ajax felt his chubby cheeks flush and made him look away.

His father turned to him, "Ajax, this is the Emperor and Empress of Liyue. This is Prince Shiva and Princess (Y/N). Introduce yourself." he told him to.

Hearing it, the twinkling blue eyes enlarge. He swept a glance over the adults—the Emperor and Empress—finding them intimidating and frightening before turning back to the little girl who seemed to be waiting for him to speak.

Ajax took a breath. "I-I'm.." He stammered, "I-I'm Ajax."

His mother squeezed his hand gently. "Oh goodness, you should have introduced yourself in a more proper way." She reprimanded him before saying, "Please forgive us. He's a shy kid—"

"I'm (Y/N)."

The two women stopped talking. His mother no longer apologized for his stuttering. Instead, now the girl's mother was staring at her with a face that showed her displeasure at her daughter speaking out of turn.

"(Y/N), have you lost your manners?"

His father's booming chuckle drew everyone's attention. "Then let them be forgiven for once. After all, it's very understandable considering they haven't graduated from their etiquette class yet." He says.

The adults quickly continued their conversation. Meanwhile, you and Ajax exchange glances.

(Y/N).. such a nice name, he thought.

You and Ajax didn't look at one other longer because you were both pulled to where the King was standing while holding his glass high. Standing beside the Queen, Ajax looks at you puzzled.

"Now, let's raise our glasses!"

Ajax heard the glasses clink. The room suddenly became silent. Everyone's eyes were on the children in front.

"The crown prince of Snezhnaya, my son, Ajax, will marry the princess of Liyue, Princess (Y/N)! They shall marry once they come of age. Through the union of a couple who shall spend a lifetime together, may the alliance between these two nations only be strengthened!"

Whatever was making these people cheer, he had no idea. His questioning gaze is still fixed on you, as if you have the answers to all of this. A girl who seemed to have seen more of the world despite being younger than him. Ajax has a long list of questions for you to answer.

After their parents felt that it was no longer important for the two children to be around them, you and Ajax were allowed to play together under the supervision of your respective nannies.

In an empty drawing room, the two young people sat on the sofa while enjoying the sweets that the maid had brought them. Orange juice in glasses rather than wine considering they are not old enough to drink liquor. You were busy eating muffins while Ajax was swinging his legs slowly.

Ajax observed your puffed-up cheeks from keeping food in them. He grinned when he realized the similarity between you and the squirrel he frequently saw in the palace garden.

"Your name is (Y/N), right?" He started a conversation.

"That is Princess (Y/N), Your Highness." His nanny corrected him on his manners.

You look up from your muffin to meet his big blue eyes. It was akin to how blue Liyue's sea is; the twinkle in it was like the reflection of sunshine, fooling onlookers into thinking the ocean was glittering.

"That's right, Prince."

Ajax acknowledged you with a small nod. "They said I would marry you. What does it mean?" he asked.

From his gaze, he noticed the girl tilt her head, as if she was judging how limited his lexicon was. You bring the rest of your muffin to your lips. Ajax is waiting for you to swallow before answering.

"It's like father and mother. They married each other." you answer.

Ajax furrowed his brows. "Does that mean we'll always be together?" He asked again, you nodded your head. "For how long?"

You took another cookie and nibbled into it. "Lifetime."

"How long is a lifetime?"

"Only a dead person knows how long a lifetime is."

The answer that comes from your lips is short and clear. However, one word made Ajax stop with all his seemingly endless questions. Blue eyes widen, though the gaze is not directed at you.

"Dead person? Do you mean "death"?" Ajax asked, you nodded. "Do you know the meaning of death?"

Ajax is waiting for you to explain this one, as you were the one who answered his last question. People always put Anton and the word 'death' in one sentence, but every time he asked what that meant, they would scold him and say that he shouldn't talk so carelessly about his older brother.

Ajax has no idea why the mere mention of his name has become a major crime. He does, however, hope that you will be able to answer it.

Although skeptical of him, you replied after drinking your orange juice. Your glass is half left, while Ajax's is still full. Does he have a small appetite? You wonder if he's willing to give you his portion of sweets.

"Anything passes through it can never return." You said.

Ajax was completely speechless. His lips parted from your answer. His mind wandered too far for someone his young.

Does that mean Anton won't come back?

His older brother whom he loves very much. Although the big question has been answered but, it spawned thousands of others. Why won't he come back? Why did he have to go through "death"?

It sounds terrible. However, Ajax is still unsure whether to believe it or not. After all, Anton always comes back. His older brother would always find his way home. One day—contrary to what you said—he will come to see him again and say the monster under the bed doesn't exist.

You tilted your head. "You look sad." You took the plate of sweets, "Here, eat this to make you feel better."

Ajax's face reddens, stripping away the melancholy, distracted by how adorable you look. With wide eyes that seemed to follow every outline of his face. Strands of hair stick out from your twin buns which are decorated with small ribbons.

"I-I don't want that!"

"Is that so? May I eat it then?"

(Y/N). The little girl with a sweet tooth who asked if she could have his portion, though in the end her nanny stopped her before she could put one in her mouth—saying it was bad for her teeth.

The lovely and intelligent young lady who taught him so much.

Even so, Ajax still believes that Anton will come home, despite whatever you say about death. Because his older brother always came home, no matter what.

Time flies after your first meeting. You grew up in Liyue while Ajax lived his day in Snezhnaya. At eleven, the teenage boy became too inspired by the story of the adventurer who went by the same name and made his way to creating his own explorer tales.

Little does he know that Snezhnaya's forest is actually more vicious than it seems.

Ajax—a wanna-be adventurer who gets lost and is chased by many wild animals living in deep winter forests , fell off the cliff. In the process, he proves to himself that the 'Abyss,' a dark realm inhabited by unidentifiable animals and creatures, really is real.

"It's not every day that I encounter Snezhnaya's future king lying around here like little mice." He still remembered how the voice sounded terrifying, sending chills down his spine.

With the shortsword—which, despite his hurry earlier, did not slip from his pocket—he directed it towards the distant silhouette amidst the thick fog.

"Who—who are you?!"

Instead of answering, the voice laughed so loudly that he was afraid the other creatures would hear it.

"Be careful, My Prince. The kingdom certainly doesn't want to lose another one of its princes. Though I believe it would be amusing given that the last one died in the war and the other fell off a cliff."

Instantly, his body stiffened not from the cruel cold air. Ajax was sure he heard right. The previous prince died in the war?

"W-what do you mean he died in the war?" Ajax asked, slowly and hesitantly.

The silhouette stopped from taking a step toward him as if it was their turn to process their sentence. "What's this? Don't tell me you have no idea what really happened to your brother—Anton?" They said.

His teeth gritted until they ached. "War.. war with whom do you mean?"

"War with Liyue, of course! Who else?"

Liyue.

Ajax fell to his knees. The tears that had pooled in the corners of his eyes began to fall, leaving imprints on the white snow below. Anton died in the war against Liyue—a truth that was different from what people told him in order to bury the dark past between the two countries.

From his blurry vision, he caught the bare feet of the mysterious figure that had arrived before him.

"A-Anton.. Liyue.. they killed him?"

"Have they been lying to you all this time? Poor, poor boy.." He felt sharp clawed fingers stroking his ginger strands.

The fingers crept across his cheeks, lifting his chin to force him to look at the shape of the figure. A woman with red eyes. She has uncombed gray hair. Her inhumane visage didn't scare him, whether because of his tardy reaction or simply because he didn't care anymore.

"Do not fret, boy." She drew closer, whispering softly but sure in his ear. Ajax swore he was holding his breath from the coldness of her touch. "I will show you how to seek revenge."

Revenge.

Ajax mastered all his sword teacher taught him during his three-month stay in the abyss. Meanwhile in the outside world, in search of His Royal Highness Prince Ajax, the knights sent found him amidst the snow on the third day.

However, as if the boy wasn't the timid and hesitant Ajax, what they found was the kid whose blue eyes had lost their shine.

A perfect war instrument was born.

Which he earned a name for himself a few years later. The bloodthirsty warrior who wreaked havoc in every step. The youngster who was is no longer—people believed he was dead and had been replaced by a solipsistic and brazen man who had swiftly climbed the ranks of the military. The name of one who is merciless to his enemies. A war general. Tartaglia.

In the blue eyes that seemed too dark for any light to penetrate, Tartaglia had no lust except for one—battles.

But isn't that what makes him so terrifying? A man who is not afraid to risk anything including his life just to feel the thrill of shedding each other's blood at the tip of a sword. In all his attempts to hasten his adversary's rendezvous with the grim reaper, he ensures that he is satisfied in every second.

Tartaglia is the embodiment of an endless storm. In his long-dead heart, all he desired was to see the snow covered in blood. It seemed absolute to him.

Until he met a blonde woman from a far country named Mondstadt. Lumine.

A woman who managed to catch his eye from how talented she was in archery. Isn't it amazing that she came in third place in her first hunting competition? In his hopes, perhaps she was just like him— seeking joy in chaos and always striving to improve her combat skills.

From the way he almost the same as him—maybe she's his soul mate. The thought of having someone like what sounds appealing. The thought of falling in love sounded perfect to fill the void in his soul.

Believing he and Lumine are the perfect pair, he begins a relationship with her. Once his revenge plans are well executed, he will feel how special it is to be in love, just like everyone else.

That is until he meets you again.

The fiancée he originally kept by his side so he could make sure you were within his reach. After all, as they say: keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Childe did everything he could to keep you from leaving, so he was willing to kneel in front of you if it meant you wouldn't cancel the wedding.

Then, why is he now falling into a trap he made himself?

Princess (Y/N)—a woman who is considered as the most attractive in Teyvat, who makes men yearn to be with her. In the beginning, Childe swore it was impossible for him to fall in love with you, and now that remains as a big lie.

How could he not fall in love with you when you smile so beautifully?

A woman he didn't expect to have such a big heart. Every touch and sound of her laughter brought him back to being someone he thought had been lost for a long time—Ajax.

For the first time in a long time, Childe felt full in his heart. This time, it wasn't filled with someone else's blood as he plunged his dual blades into his vital area. It's filled with happiness and excitement from strolling around town hand in hand with you.

And the sunset at the end of the horizon is nothing compared to you.

How soft and sweet every time you call his name.

Ajax.

Not Tartaglia, not Childe.

(Y/N) who managed to resurrect the side of himself that he once thought was gone swallowed up by the filth of worldly affairs. Only heaven knows he engraved your name in every heartbeat. Without him noticing, you have become what he wanted to stay forever by his side.

A change he had not expected. Its arrival was like a carriage crashing into him. Childe never imagined he'd go back on his words—declaring he'd never fall in love with the woman who would serve as the bait of his grand plan—yet he often found himself playing the sound of your laughter in his head.

"Is that true?" Childe looked at you who turned to him. "You'll give me those if I ask you to?"

Without him realizing, a smile quickly etched on his face. He nodded, the earrings in his ears swinging from how eager he was to answer you. "Of course! I'll give it to you—"

Tongue nailed, he left the sentence unfinished. In his vision focused on you, he noticed something.

Every year, apart from giving his prey to his siblings, he also sends it to Rosalyne to be handed over to Lumine. He remembered very well what kind of fur she liked—a white fox fur. Every year he always waited for her to appear before him wearing one of his gifts.

So, why is it so easy for him to promise you all of his preys? Furthermore, why is he anticipating your reaction the moment you receive it?

"Ajax?"

Your voice sends warmth to his chest and Childe knows he's fucked.

Ah, Ajax. You have fallen in love with her, right?

The beautiful irises under curly eyelashes. Your gaze is directed at him, only him. Since when is the world this beautiful? To be the only one reflected in your eyes, to be the only one your head turns to.

He was, however, always in denial due to the shame of becoming what he had vowed not to be. Falling in love with a woman he shouldn't be in love with.

"Of—of course."

Childe believes he is still in love with Lumine.

Love. It sounded strange, like walking in the wrong shoe. Why do you now have the ability to make him question what kind of feelings he has for her?

"Of course, I'll give it to you." he continued.

Maybe it's just because he spends too much time with you. Childe believes his doubtful feelings will calm down once he meets Lumine. He was sure that by holding her in his arms, he would no longer think of you.

But, as much as Childe lied to others, what he's now doing is nothing more than lying to himself.

"Apologies, I seem to have forgotten I had unfinished business." He makes excuses.

Dmitri opened his mouth to protest, "Unfinished business? But, Your Highness, everything has—"

"Surely you forgot one." Childe interrupted him quickly as he turned around.

Right. Any temporary feelings he had would fade once he met Lumine. He loves Lumine—not you. Childe had to sort this out immediately, at least before it got out of hand.

However, it's much more difficult to convince himself when he drops everything the moment he hears you've fallen ill and ends up having dinner in your chamber. And when he comes to visit you, you've put on a fake smile similar to the one he always had. Before long, you said something he didn't expect.

"Please don't go to her."

Why are you saying that?

Childe pursed his lips. "What—"

"Please don't go to Lumine." Childe caught the trembling in your voice. "Please don't go to her." You repeat it in case he misses the first one.

In his silence, Childe holds his breath, while you take another.

Why, all of a sudden? In his pretty head, he's wondering what you're demanding. Could it be that you know he is in doubt of heart? Could it be that you're using that chance to persuade him to leave Lumine?

Or perhaps..

Perhaps you know what he's denying right now.

"I-I know you and her aren't over yet." Childe heard you again. "I won't be mad at you. So, please, don't go to—"

"I can't." he added.

When the tears fell from you, Childe felt his fortress slowly being torn down by force.

"Why?" You ask very, very slowly.

Blue eyes widen from your question. He does not expect you continuing to press for answers to all of your questions. Why do you insist on hearing the reason from him?

Childe locked his jaw. "I'd better go."

The fact that he's the one who made you cry makes him want to get away from the sight of you shedding tears for him.

"Why, Ajax?" This time, your intonation is slightly higher than before.

"(Y/N), enough." he warned.

"Why?! Why can't you leave her?!"

A harsh huff escaped Childe as he turned to you. Why are you still asking? Isn't that obvious to you? Your question makes him doubt if he still has or ever had feelings for Lumine.

"Isn't that obvious?!" Childe heard you still demanding answers.

"What?!"

"I LOVE HER!"

However, the second after those words left his lips, what was washed over him was not the certainty of what he had just said. Rather than that, he was struck with shame and pain upon seeing your expression. He broke a heart that he regretted breaking.

But then again, have you given him your heart for him to be able to do that?

In that silence, he found himself embarrassed from picking up on the faint echo of his own voice. For some reason he doesn't know, your eyes well up with tears. Oh, heaven knows how badly he wanted to erase that.

"Of course." You're the first to speak up.

A laugh escapes you. "Of course you love her." You say while smiling.

Though he didn't know it was out of regret or what, Childe opened his mouth, "(Y/N)—"

You linked your hands in front of you. "I'm sorry, Prince. For a moment, I forgot the reason of my existence. From now on, whatever it is that you wish to do, you may do it."

No, he thought. I don't want you to treat me like that. Please don't talk like that. It would only redefine the boundaries between you two. But then again, wasn't he the one who triggered it first?

"Please excuse me."

No, he begged. Don't go, he wanted to say.

"(Y/N)!"

After you left the room, Childe never knew spring could be colder than the winter he was used to. The air that crawls over his skin that has longed for your touch. The next thing he knew, he stood there frozen, waiting for someone who had left. All because of him.

From what he thought was rational, Childe tries to believe that it is best for him to distance himself from you before becoming further attached.

Words are always easier than actions. In that week, Childe couldn't stop wishing that one of these nights, he could see you and you would stop avoiding him. But, every time he comes into your room, emptiness becomes what he always finds.

The day of the hunting competition's opening banquet became what he had been waiting for. Because he knows you will meet him whether you want it or not.

The sound of the door swinging open. Childe caught your figure from the mirror—the same woman he met a week ago. His clenched fists had turned his knuckles white.

"I greet Your Highness Princess (Y/N)!" Dmitri bowed.

A faint smile you gave Dmitri before turning to Childe through the mirror. "Good morning, Your Highness."

Instantly, Childe stiffened as if your presence had managed to freeze him too better than any winter wind. The way you address him leaves bitterness all over his tongue. A fire in his throat, though it wasn't enough to burn the distance you created between the two of you.

His mind was too distracted to notice the way Dmitri and the ladies looked at each other from the greetings you gave him.

A breath he took. His hand stopped the maid from attaching his golden brooch. " I'll do it myself. All of you, leave us alone." he ordered.

Now that he has the chance to see you, he has to explain everything to you.

Despite knowing that his expression radiates nothing but negative, your head remains raised, unbowed with no fear. He wasn't surprised, after all it's you—a woman who's never been afraid of anything. He would prefer that you do something other than remain silent. In fact, if you wish, he will listen to all the obscenities you have for him.

The door closes with a click! hinting the others had already left.

Childe stepped down from the podium to approach you. "You have been avoiding me." His words are followed by melancholy and pain. "Every night, I seek for you but always find your chamber vacant."

He stopped in front of you. "(Y/N)." He misses how his tongue curls at your name.

"Yes, My Prince?"

His jaw hardens from the way you call him. He believes you are unaware of how much your distant treatment hurts him.

"Stop." he begged. "Stop calling me that."

The response he was waiting for did not come.

Childe stares at you with orbs too honest to tell you he's sad. It's hard to breathe with an aching chest. His eyes are sore either from dust or from not getting enough sleep since he stays up all night thinking about you.

"You always call me Ajax." He reminds you.

"That's true however, I do not regard we're that close to calling each other first names. "

Your unreasonable words replaced his emotional ups and downs with anger. How can you say that when you know you two have shared a sacred promise before God? The heart that Childe often denied to weave and sing rhymes to you shriveled from ingratitude.

"What could you possibly mean?! You are my wife!"

As if he had been speaking nonsense, your expression showed no change other than growing colder. What must he do for you to know this hurts him? It's as though even if he were burned alive in front of you, you'd still be standing there, unfazed.

"I'm only aware of my place, like you said a week ago." You said.

Childe fell silent after you shoved his own words down his throat. His gaze fell to the floor, sickening marble pattern.

"I know you're upset!" he replied.

A wave of déjà vu washed over him. He saw your lips curl.

"I'm not." You spoke without stuttering, your certainty piercing his heart.

"(Y/N)!"

"Are you going to say you're going to explain everything? If so, please save your time. I heard it so clearly that no explanation was required."

His words vanished into thin air. Childe froze in place. You took the gold brooch from the table and walked back to him. Standing in front of him, you put the brooch on his right chest.

When he met your eyes, Childe was in mourning it no longer twinkled.

Before your hand left him, Childe had already cupped it. For a moment, he needs a moment to touch you. How can he avert his eyes when he has seen you? In his ribcage, the beating heart trembles.

Childe grasped your hand before you attempted to pull it.

"Are you intending to leave me?"

His voice trembled, evidence of his vulnerable self in front of you. Normally Childe would hate that, but half of him wants to scream at you that he would do anything to make you stay. If you tell him to kneel, crawl on your feet, he will.

Without remorse, you brushed his hand away freeing yours. Childe caught your gaze again and interpreted your expression as you don't want to spend another second in the room with him.

"If you are done with your silly questions, please join me immediately. I will wait outside the room." You said, twisting your high heels towards the door leaving him.

Under your cold treatment, his body hurts, his heart is bruised. This is the price of continuing to deny his own feelings. However, he was so stubborn that he interpreted the ache in his chest for shock at the rejection, something he had never experienced in his whole life.

Oh, Ajax, don't you know that you love her?

That night, he's still trying to find you, at least for one conversation. Unfortunately for him, you weren't alone when he found you. With Zhongli kneeling in front of you, that's enough to set him on fire. But, as if that weren't sufficient, Childe caught the remnants of your earlier conversation.

Zhongli laughed, ".. not possible." He says.

Childe furrowed his brows. What were you two talking about to stare at each other like that? Even though he was still wondering, the heart in his ribs was beating fast as if he knew what was going to happen next. The breath he was holding transmitted a signal to his brain that he wasn't going to like what Zhongli had to say.

"That's not possible," A nauseating pause between the stares you share before Zhongli said,

"Because the one I love is you."

From that, his breath hitched. Childe froze while processing the fact that the man he knows has feelings for you has confessed his love for you. In the most bitter way, he was made aware of his feelings. At that moment, he didn't need to hug Lumine to make sure what he had for you.

For the first time, he stopped denying. Childe stopped running.

The fact that he has fallen for you. And the possibility of you leaving him for another will absolutely ruin him.

That was why he was now sitting in a tavern, face hidden under the hood he was wearing. The blonde woman—his lover—sat across from him after he asked her to meet him. Two large pints of beer sat in front of them.

"You unexpectedly asked to meet with me. What exactly is it?" Lumine's voice raised his head to meet her gold eyes.

From his gloomy face, Lumine had already guessed what he was going to say. However, a part of her acted blind to it. She watched the ginger raise his glass, draining the beer like a thirsty man. It was placed back with a loud thud! sound.

"Lumine." The way he called her felt strange.

Gold eyes meet blue. Lumine realized she should have guessed what he was about to say.

"Let's end this."

Childe had said it. However, those golden irises did not widen as if she had seen this coming. Her small lips lifted, forming a bitter smile that didn't hide the slightest bit of distaste for him.

"Have you fallen for her?" she asked, calm and quiet.

Lumine had seen this coming. All her heartache could only be blamed on herself wishing that one day Childe and her could actually be together, not behind closed doors, not under curtains. On the day of the tea party that had ended in chaos, she noticed how those blue eyes were no longer on her. His embrace that day was colder and full of doubt.

She should have stopped there too.

Childe said, "I don't want to hurt you any further." Indirectly, he answered yes.

A scoff escaped from her pink lips. Childe seems to have found his answer. She laughed dryly, life is so funny but, this was to be expected. People didn't say having an affair with a married man is a pretty trap for nothing.

The other woman will never have his love to keep.

Strangely, amidst the heartbreaking agony, Lumine found a solace. Perhaps this will be the end of the devil's circle that she has been trying to escape but, continues because she is always reluctant.

"Fine. Let's end this." Lumine readjusted her hood, hiding her tearful eyes from the tavern lights.

Her beer glass was left untouched. Lumine, on the other hand, had stood on her feet to leave him without saying. They don't need to talk about anything else. Childe remained deafeningly silent, as if his tongue had been nailed.

That night, he ended many things, including his affair with his mistress.

Childe picked up the glass Lumine had left behind, gulped it down before ordering more. He would drink every kind of liquor here if it meant saving his still troubled heart.

Childe staggered in front of the big door, trying to keep his feet steady. His hooded robe had been discarded somewhere in the palace hallway. He banged on the door with his knuckles, hoping for it to swing open.

When it did, his heart skipped a beat from the bit of consciousness he had at recognizing the woman staring at him in surprise.

"Ajax?"

A drunken smile lifted to his face. He throws himself at you—making your arms automatically open to catch him so he doesn't fall. So warm, so familiar. It felt like he had gone a long distance and knew that he was already where he wanted to be.

You are his home, can you not see?

Notes:

Childe and (Y/N)'s childhood scene is inspired by chapter 3 of 'The Broken Ring: This Marriage Will Fail Anyway'

IM LAUGHING SO HARDDDDDD READING YOUR COMMENTS LMAOOOO. but after reading this chapter, are you still in a love-hate relationship with our ginger?

Chapter 21: Coming Home, But This Isn't About Houses

Notes:

Thanks to those who donated to my Ko-fi:
AbbyBianx, ness

If you want to give me tip for my writing, you can do it through: /kiryoutann

Also, thanks for your kudos, comments, and bookmarks! Those things keeps me going. Stay healthy and take care3

Chapter Text

Fingers curl around the glass of red wine, tilting it slightly to stir the liquid inside. Your other hand supports your head while you are busy in your inner thoughts—the voice of an amber-eyed man resounded like a prayer.

"That's not possible, because the one I love is you."

The palm of your hand is placed on the cheek, hoping that the cold will reduce the heat that creeps up on it. You still remember how it instantly bewitched you to freeze instantly. Zhongli takes no offense at your lack of response; he just smiled, reached out, and offered to escort you to your chamber as if he hadn't just professed his love for his childhood best friend.

Since when exactly? Why have you never taken the slightest hint of that? Has Zhongli always been this good at keeping secrets? You shouldn't be surprised, considering he's the only person who knows you still have the ability to see the future.

You shifted your gaze to the draped window. It is late—if you don't try to sleep, you're sure to have trouble concentrating in the morning. That's not a good thing, since tomorrow is the first day of the hunt, and you won't be able to avoid interacting with the nobles and guests as much as you did today.

You're about to set your glass down on the table when a terrible headache strikes. Your fingers grip the sofa material as your coping mechanism.

A vision.

Your heart is beating fast. You find a familiar figure kneeling in desperation in front of the Divine Tree. Childe. This is exactly what you saw before your vision suddenly changed. He was reciting a prayer in a murmur that you still couldn't quite make out.

Before you can process it, your vision changes to display two figures. One was Zhongli, while the other was an unknown woman in hanfu.

However, this is the first time Zhongli has smiled so broadly in your prophecy.

Your mind returns to reality before you can get answers about what and who. You control your breathing and your pounding heartbeat. Then you glance down at your glass and realize you've spilled it. You get up to retrieve a tiny cloth from your drawer to clean it up, though you're still left wondering.

Who is she?

And Childe.. what was he doing there? Why has everything changed so quickly?

Before you find the answer, a knock on the door startles you. You stayed silent, assuming it was probably your hallucination, but when it came again, you pondered who could have visited you so late at night.

Although a little hesitant, you stepped your feet closer to the door. Fingers curled around the cool doorknob before turning it after hearing another knock.

As soon as it swings open, your eyes widen in surprise as you recognize who is standing in front of you. Slightly tousled ginger hair, messy worn shirt, and.. a stupid blushing face smiling at you.

"Ajax?" Without realizing it, you slipped out his birth name.

Blue eyes light up from your call. "(Y/NNNNNN)!" You can smell the alcohol on his breath as he stumbles forward into your arms.

Supporting his bigger body, you almost fell to the floor if it hadn't been for him regaining his footing. He holds you close, the warmth radiating from his body feels foreign and familiar at the same time. You feel your heart beating against your ribs. A bittersweet embrace.

You want to stay in the moment until you realize this fleeting sweetness will only bring you new heartache. Although you were uncertain that you could break free from the hold of a man who was obviously stronger, you tried your luck hoping the alcohol in his system would make him less alert.

"Ajax, let me go."

Your attempts to wriggle free only made him tighten his arms around you even more. "No! Don't go!" He says.

From how desperate his voice sounded, you wonder if the sober Ajax could say something like this. As if he doesn't want to let you go, as if he doesn't want to lose you. As if he wasn't the one who refuses to leave the woman he loves for his wife.

Once again, you have sprinkled salt on your still-open wound.

"I have to close the door." You make excuses.

Childe shook his head he buried in your shoulder. "I don't want to."

"Please."

"We can close it together." Childe insisted.

You furrow your brows, "And how are we supposed to do that?"

To answer your question, he moves his unsteady leg backwards, taking you forward. You shook your head inwardly, not understanding why he was so reluctant to let you go. It's as if you were his life support, something he couldn't live without and would die without.

The drunken Childe is ten times better than the sober Childe.

Your free hand closes the door, then you are caged once again in his arms. Your nose brushes up against the fabric of his clothes, picking up a smell other than alcohol. You furrowed your brows at the faint scent of sweet perfume.

A punch to your heart comes along with a question, had he just met Lumine?

"Can you let go now?"

Childe shook his head again, his curly strands tickling your ear. "No." He answered childishly.

"Ajax."

Childe tightened his embrace even more, though in his mind he was still making sure it didn't suffocate you. You're not sure whether to like it or not, knowing that he wouldn't be doing this if he hadn't drank a dozen bottles of liquor.

".. don't want to.." He muttered nearly in hushed whispers. ".. I don't want you to go."

Even though you know it's the alcohol talking, it feels good to hear someone asking you to stay. For a moment, you feel enough.

You know Childe. You're not what he wants, you're not what he needs. Believing something that is fleeting— let alone from someone who is unaware of the words that come out of their mouth—is the stupidest thing a person can do. It hurts to see your hope wither away, therefore you will no longer hope.

"..to him.."

".. What was that?" You didn't quite catch what he was muttering.

Childe hugged you even tighter, this time you could feel your bodies sticking to each other without any distance. Some days he feels as warm and comforting as this, and other days he's a raging inferno that burns you mercilessly.

"Don't go to him." He said, leaving you confused as to who he was talking about. "Don't go to Zhongli."

You froze. Your heart seems to stop and so does your mind.

Why did he bring up Zhongli all of a sudden? You can't make a guess. Does Childe know about his love confession to you? How? You keep wondering until you realize that nothing will change the fact that he knows.

Was that the reason he was this drunk?

You bit the inside of your cheek. Stop, he doesn't care that much about you to drink all kinds of liquor just because of that. After all, there's nothing for him to worry about anything that might happen between you and Zhongli when he already has his mistress.

"I was simply going to fetch you some water." You gently pushed him away from your body. Scanning his somber face, his expression reminds you of a stray puppy.

"Are you going to leave me again?"

Again? Hadn't he been the one doing that all along?

Before you said anything, he opened his lips again to continue the words in his drunkenness,

"You are so cold to me."

Childe said, and you looked up when you detected the tremble in his voice. The next thing you find are blue eyes filled with tears. You stood in agape, unable to believe what you're witnessing right now. Not only the fact that he's crying—he's crying because of you? Alcohol makes him a... different person.

A sob, "I don't want you to go." He says and you're starting to believe that his drunken brain is seeing you as Lumine.

"I'm not Lady Lumine, you know." You mutter under your breath, luckily he didn't catch it.

A fat tear fell from his eye, you clearly didn't expect this. What happened between him and Lumine to make him this way? Something in your stomach twists knowing he was able to act like this because of her.

Childe sobbed, "I don't want you to go." He really does look like a golden retriever puppy now, minus the ears. " Don't you realize what you've done to me? You drive me insane, Princess. So, please don't be cold to me, don't be warm to men other than me. If you did, I would be furious."

You remain silent.

So what he said was directed at you? The warmth in your chest is here for you to curse. Only a fool takes the words of a drunk and now you're not sure if you're one of them or not.

You want to believe you aren't.

However, even though his words were so sweet, somehow they were received bitterly on your tongue. Maybe because you know the sober Childe would never say something like this, or even anything close. You hate his drastic changes in his character—you hate how he can act like you are his world and then act the other way around the next day.

"You really are drunk." You said, slapping away his hand around your wrist to break free, he was taken aback by your sudden action. "I'll fetch you some water so you can at least sober up a little."

You walked to the table, poured water into a glass. When you turned around, you couldn't help but sigh as you looked back up at him.

"(Y/N).." He was still with his puppy eyes.

"Please sit on the bed, Your High—"

"Ajax!" He corrects loudly it startles you.

Another obvious sigh escapes you. "Alright, Ajax, can you sit on the bed?" You feel like you're teaching toddlers.

Much to your surprise, he obeys you. Childe sat on the edge of your bed with sagging shoulders. He waits for you to stand in front of him, gives him the glass and supports his hand to keep it from slipping.

"Drink it." He stared at you with wide eyes as you ordered him.

Childe did what you told him without thinking twice. He brought the glass to his lips and drank it, his Adam's apple bobbing with every gulp. Once the glass is empty, you take it from him then put it on the nightstand.

You opened your mouth, "You should—"

Before finishing your sentence telling him to return to his room, a pair of strong arms have found their way to wrap around your waist. You got goosebumps from the sensation of his fingers touching your back. Childe brings you closer to rest his head against your stomach while he closes his eyes.

"Don't force me to leave, please."

A voice that sounded fragile, as if he would die if he spent even a second away from you. You think it couldn't be further from the truth. Whereas in reality, he didn't long for heaven any more than he wanted to stay here with you.

Childe hugged you tighter, you could feel the warmth of his cheeks against your thin nightgown. Instead of letting your hands hang awkwardly by your sides, you rest them on the top of his head, caressing strand after strand of his ginger hair. Everything will be forgotten the next morning, as if it never happened.

"Don't go." he repeated.

"I'm not going to." You reply with either a promise or a lie.

"I've left her." He says.

You furrowed your brows, "What do you mean—"

"I've left Lumine."

As soon as it was said, it has the magic to keep you frozen without moving a muscle. After your brain processed it, your eyes darted to the top of his head.

He had left Lumine?

You don't know what to feel. Childe had said almost the same thing before, and it ended up being a promise he broke. However, you repeated the vision you recently had—a drastically altered image that doesn't show anything about Lumine being pregnant with his child or your divorce from him.

Fate has changed again. You can't help but assume it's linked to their split.

Though this doesn't mean you can trust him right away—especially after everything he has put you through. You also don't know for what reason he knelt in front of the Divine Tree. Even if this is one of his improvements, it does not mean he has entirely changed into someone who will never hurt you again.

The hands around your waist loosened. You glanced at him and saw that he was fast asleep. Slowly, you pushed him onto the bed, then tucked him in.

Childe, Zhongli, and destiny.. all of this overwhelms you.

Whatever this sound he was hearing, it irritated him. Still with his eyes closed, Childe let out a grumble—which then made the noise stop. However, once he recognized it, he no longer had any intention of continuing his sleep.

The sound of a group of people trying to speak softly but failed. He never found it in every morning waking up from his sleep.

The eyelids opened wide, showing blue irises that then squinted from the sunlight that fell right on him. He was even more confused when he found an unfamiliar room arrangement—obviously not his. Just as he was about to shift, he felt his skin brushed against what he assumed was silk.

Not only did he find himself shirtless on someone else's bed, but he also noticed four pairs of eyes staring back at him.

"Your Highness."

Your voice greeted him in a foreign manner, but he didn't protest because he was distracted by his confusion. Your ladies-in-waiting are standing behind you, assisting you in getting ready by fixing your hair and putting make-up on your face. If it hadn't been for the awkward circumstance, Childe would have taken his time admiring how stunning you look.

"(Y/N)?" He looked at you in surprise.

Still with a flat expression, your hand gestured for your ladies-in-waiting to stop their work, saying the make-up was enough and asking them to leave the room leaving you and Childe alone.

After the ladies left, he broke the silence between you by asking: "How did I get here?"

You walked closer, standing some distance from him. "Don't you recall? You came into my chamber unexpectedly last night." You said.

Childe widened his eyes from hearing your answer. He doesn't remember anything about it, just how drunk was he last night? More importantly, what had he done in those few hours which he couldn't remember?

Swallowing hard, he mustered up the courage to ask again, "Did I say or do anything strange?"

Now, it's your turn to be silent, it doesn't help the anxiety in him. Did he tell you what made him drink so much liquor that he forgot everything? Even worse, did he profess his newfound love for you on that very night? Oh, if that's true then Childe doesn't know what he's—

"No."

You were too fast and blunt in your response to tell him that you still treated him coldly.

Despite the fact that he was relieved and certain that nothing had happened between the two of you last night based on the reality that nothing had changed from your treatment of him, Childe also couldn't deny that he felt a little desperate.

Childe broke out a bitter smile, "Is that so?"

You nod as if deaf to the melancholy in his voice. "You did nothing but sleep on my bed." His eyes widen from what you said. "Don't be worried. I slept on the couch."

Why disappointment came to him? Does he secretly wish you'd let him hold you in your sleep?

The shame of desiring something he can't have consumes him. The woman who stood a few distances in front of him, who held heaven in her eyes and star dust in every strand of her soft hair. What must he risk in order for you to share part of your warmth with his dead soul once more?

This is karma.

In this silence, Childe uses it to look at your face, while you consider it nothing more than a waste of time. Today will be busier than usual considering it's the first day of the hunt.

"I requested that the cook bring you some hangover soup. You should hurry and prepare." You said.

His lips part to say he wants to stay with you. In his heart, he hopes that maybe—just maybe— you'll give a little bit of your kindness to let him

"..Right." But, he instead said this then got out of bed.

Childe didn't notice how his shoulders slumped like a defeated man. He shuffled his limbs, grabbing the doorknob with his hand.

"Wait."

As if he was following your orders, his body stopped moving completely. He turns his head to see you taking something from the drawer before walking towards him.

When you stand in front of him, Childe is again reminded how you are the most capable of taking his breath away. The outlines of the face he longed to touch, he wished he could trace it with his fingers—which now do nothing more than clench at his sides. Did you know that inside his ribs, his heart sings hymns creating thousands if not millions of melodies for you?

Blue eyes follow curiously as you reach out, revealing a handkerchief above your palm.

"Here." You signal him to take it. "I made it for you while we were still in Zelenossosh. I should have given it sooner, but none of us seems to have found the proper time."

That is quite true. Shortly after your return to the capital, you two got into the argument and you avoided him for a week.

Childe examined the gift in his hand. A yarrow flower was embroidered on it—compared to his mother's work, it was a bit untidy. However, what makes it special is this from you. Even if you simply embroider one horizontal line, it will melt the caverns of his almost frozen heart from your cold treatment.

Unexpectedly, a prince who grew up with the world's luxuries at his fingertips could hold a simple handkerchief with such care as if it would break if he dropped it.

You stared at him still fixing his eyes on your embroidery, trying not to wonder what he thought of it. Now that you have given it, there is no more reason for him to stay in your room.

"That is all. You are free to return to your chamber." You said, about to turn around leaving him.

"Wait!"

His hand grabs yours suddenly. You looked at him with wide eyes, then examined his face, then his lips parted about to say something.

"Prey.." He uttered breathlessly. "What prey do you want?" He asked, then patiently awaited your response.

Ah, you are reminded of the last time you brought this up.

From the bad memory that followed later, you let go of your hand from his grasp—this time more gently, saving the pieces of his heart from thinking you rejected him.

"I have no interest in such things." You see something disappear from his eyes, yet you can't put your finger on it. Is he really waiting for your answer? If you ask for something, will he give you it?

On the other hand, Childe returned to melancholy. His hand was still outstretched as if he didn't want the remnants of warmth from holding yours to quickly disappear. It's so easy for you to slip out of his fingers, like sand on the seashore. The sunlight from the window mocked him for its ability to touch you without being swatted away.

"Rabbits."

Blue eyes widened when he heard it. He raised his head to meet your gaze.

You cross your arms in front of your chest. "But, you cannot capture them with arrows." You said. "I must receive them alive if I am to maintain them in the palace garden."

Childe processed what you said and you expected him to reject it. That's fine, after all you also don't expect anything from the start of the hunting competition. However, to your surprise, instead of considering your request strange, he actually hosted a wide smile that appeared too suddenly.

"Rabbits... alright." he said happily. "Alright." He repeated, you furrowed your brows.

A moment later, Childe turned the doorknob, swinging it out of the room. It sends shivers through your body seeing how his demeanor changes suddenly without warning. In your muttering, you hope he won't do anything stupid.

The first day of the hunt has begun. The participating nobles had slung their bows over their backs as they made their way towards the thick forest of Snezhnaya. Chins lifted high, a mark of pride and confidence in bringing home the most prey and winning the championship.

"Your Highness." An all too familiar voice called out to you, making you turn to the handsome face of the Duke of Morax—the same man who had confessed his love to you the night before.

Instantly, your cheeks feel warm as soon as you realize that the amber still holds the same warmth for you. It's like a secondary sun, keeping you under its light when you're near him.

"Zhong—ahem, Duke Zhongli." Despite your doubts, you addressed him in the same formality as how he addressed you just now.

When he smiles sweetly, you find it hard to maintain eye contact. Then you shift your look to the red line at the bottom corner of his eyes, then taking more detail on the brown strands ending with the ends that are the same hue as his eyes.

Did he approach you to ask for your answer to his love confession? If that's the case, what should you tell him—

Zhongli extended his hand and asked for yours to cup. You looked at him with wide eyes, while he was still smiling as if he knew very well what he was doing. There was no demands in his gaze, he was not waiting for any answer.

Although hesitant, you put your hand which he then stroked. " Would you be willing to wish me luck on my hunt?" he asked.

Biting your lip, you nodded slowly. "I... I wish you good luck." It's impossible for you not to stutter when he stares at you so deeply, full of love and adoration in his amber eyes.

His lips smile before they land on your gloved hand. Eyelids close before opening and glance at the source of the sound of footsteps beside you.

The hold of his hand on yours was too gentle and long for Childe not to burn with jealousy. Green looked ugly on him. Seeing your fixated eyes on a man who knows he's touching his wife makes Childe want to pull you away.

However, Childe didn't want to blatantly show you that.

Zhongli straightened his back. "A white fox, would you like that?" he asked.

You nod at his offer without thinking, pleasing him with how adorable you look with enlarged eyes. Zhongli finally let go of your hand slowly, then turned to Childe to alert you of his presence.

"Your Highness Prince Childe." Zhongli bowed.

Childe glared, "Duke." A great sin if his lips say his name.

Zhongli turned to you, "Then I will take my leave." He said more to only you than to both of you. He twisted his feet, turning towards the hunting area.

Five seconds after being left alone with you, Childe opened his mouth, "You told me you wanted rabbits." He had no intention of hiding his annoyance.

"That I did."

Childe tried to ignore your short answer and the shift in your facial expression that morphed into something cold. He continued his sentence again, "But, you asked him for a white fox. You know I'm capable of giving you more than that."

You turned around and found him with a crumpled face—you're not sure which you prefer, him with his fake smile or him expressing his true feelings. Your chest rises and falls as you exhale from your lips. You turn your heels to approach him, watching his face turn from annoyed to confused and curious.

You stopped right in front of him. "The rabbits are enough." you said.

Childe flinched when you reached up to touch the strands of ginger. The blue eyes that widen from the sudden gesture capture more detail about you. This spring is no match for your beauty, the flowers in this garden are jealous of your eternal bloom. The depths of his heart screamed in his desire to be under your touch forever.

You brushed the flower petals from his hair, dropping them later. Yet, he was still glued to you instead of watching it swing back and forth before it hit the ground.

"Good luck on your hunt, Your Highness." You gave him a brief bow before walking away.

Even though you've drifted away from him to approach the other noble women, his attention remains fixed on you, observing every motion you make. Childe touches where you previously touched him as if he were collecting the pixie dust you left on him.

You've already arrived at the tea table, occupied by noble ladies. Rosalyne sat on your left, while Princess Ayaka of Inazuma is on the other side. The servants began pouring tea into cups, with others carrying out freshly baked pastries.

"My husband has to bring home at least one bear." One of the nobles said.

A smile as your response, allowing the other to reply. You bring your teacup to your lips. It would be a long, tedious time waiting for the men to return from the hunting grounds.

"Who do you think will be the winner this year, Your Highness?" Rosalyne asked you.

"Isn't His Highness Prince Childe the winner every year? Though I do hope my big brother will eventually defeat him this year." Ayaka said before cutting the cake with a small fork and eating it.

Your under eyes crinkle from the fake smile you put on. "Wouldn't it be nice if there was a change?"

"Does this mean you wish for someone else to win?"

From their growing enthusiasm, you only answered with the shortest response, "Perhaps." You returned to sipping your tea.

Whereas in the hunting grounds, many arrows were fired at their prey. However, in stark contrast to the people making their way through dirt and puddles to reach the deeper parts of the forest for their worthy prey; Childe, the hunt's yearly winner, was busy stalking the rabbit hole with his confidant.

"Your Highness, if you want to catch bears or wolves, they aren't near here." He said, raising the Prince's beloved bow in his hand.

"I know." Childe replied.

Dmitri widened his eyes, "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go there—"

"Shut up, you're going to scare them."

"Them?" Dmitri stares at her in confusion, clearly demanding an explanation which Childe responds by pointing his chin towards a herd of rabbits. "I'm sorry, Your Highness, but I'm afraid I don't follow. Are you saying you're going to catch rabbits? Of all the many kinds of preys?"

From imagining you holding these little guys in your lap, Childe smiled before responding with: "Yes."

"Surely you're kidding."

Tired of his rambling, Childe quickly dropped his beaming face. "Am not." He stated as he took cautious steps towards the small creatures, effortlessly catching them with his hands. "Ha! You're mine! Bring me a cage, Dmitri! A big one!"

Dmitri had been his confidant for years but, never in his life had he expected to find Childe—the fearful warlord 'Tartaglia'—willing to dirty his shirt and gloves only to capture a few bunnies, and if that wasn't strange enough, he did it with a large smile on his face.

Oh, he's gone mad.

Chapter 22: Hunting Results

Notes:

i reached 400 followers on tumblr! i posted this as my thanks and gratitude to my readers from tumblr and ao3! thank u for supporting my work since day 1 and spamming me with your hilarious comments (believe me, it's the best thing in my life) ily all

ANDDDD thanks to those who supported me on ko-fi: AbbyBianx, ness ! thank u so so SO MUCH AND HAVE A NICE DAY EVERYONE. hope u enjoy!

Chapter Text

The sun is no longer as bright as it was earlier, indicating that it is now late afternoon. Loud laughter erupted from several noble men returning from the hunting grounds, clearly proud and amused with whatever prey they had captured and in the process of being collected by the servants.

The hunt is over, and so is the aristocratic ladies' lengthy tea party.

You stand in the line of women who are also waiting for their husbands. Your flat facial expression glances at the figures as they walk through the lush foliage, sighing each time you discover it's not Childe. The ladies-in-waiting next to you seem impatient as well, despite their best efforts to conceal how they constantly shift their positions while holding your parasol.

Did he capture any other animals besides rabbits? Now, if you think about it, he's not the sort to give up first place every year just for your silly request. His pride is too big for that.

"His Highness really took his time. Will he catch more preys this year than last?" Laura initiated the conversation.

"That's possible." Sasha agreed before turning to you, "Your Highness, shall we sit somewhere?" She offers in consideration of your tiredness from standing waiting for him.

You shake your head. "It won't be necessary." You return your gaze forward, "He'll be here shortly."

Honestly, you're not even sure he will. But all you hope is for him to appear soon so you can stop standing here and go back to your chamber. Your body feels hot, and your waist screams in pain from how tight your servants have tied your corset.

A warm bath would be so nice, you think.

You're about to avert your eyes when the person you've been waiting for makes his way out of the hunting area. The man walked over with Dmitri trailing behind him. Childe's expression was monotone until he caught sight of you.

"(Y/N)!" He quickened his pace.

You can't help but think he looks more like a puppy now than a sly fox.

As he draws closer to you, he gives you the opportunity to pick up more details about him. The clothes he was wearing no longer gave off a dashing impression as they were stained with dirt. However, he still walks towards you as if the one on his cheek doesn't bother him.

You dropped your raised brows, returning to your neutral face as you questioned, "What happened?"

Instead of answering, he implies confusion over your question. "What do you mean?" he asked.

You assume he is unaware of the condition of his clothes. Just how exciting was the hunt? What kinds of prey did he manage to catch? You sigh as you return your gaze to the stains on his garments.

"You seem to have fallen into a hole and then been buried by someone."

Childe followed your eyes and chuckled "Ah? This?" He painted a faint smile, too cute and surprisingly genuine. "Let's just say I underestimated how difficult it was to catch a rabbit."

Your eyebrows shoot up into the sky from the shock that you can't hide anymore. "You really catch rabbits for me?"

"Isn't that what you want?"

"I thought you'd have someone else do it for you." You said.

His eyes softened, "Haa.. how can I let other people catch the prey I want to present to my wife?" His voice is low, as if he's ashamed by how much you misjudge him.

At this point, you're confident you'll be out of breath from your frequent sighs. His warm gaze on you.. you're not sure if it's genuine or simply a deception to disguise your loveless wedding in front of the nobles.

"Well.." You took your handkerchief while approaching him. "Shouldn't you take good care of this face, My Prince?"

As soon as it brushed against his cheek, Childe felt his skin warm up. There will be no fire to ignite him like this, and even the sun will pale in comparison if you are the one in front of him. His blood weaves intense feelings for you. An angel on earth.

It's never been this cold when you leave it back untouched. You give one of your ladies-in-waiting your handkerchief to wash later.

"You must be tired. After this, I will have the maids prepare your bath."

"... yes," Childe murmured, putting his palm to his cheek where your handkerchief had just brushed.

You furrowed your brows at his soft answer. With his mouth slightly agape, he had an expression as if he had just woken up from hypnosis.

You chose not to question it and instead bowed, "Then I'll be having mine. Please excuse me, Your Highness." You turned around without waiting for his response, followed by the ladies-in-waiting after they had given their courtesy to him.

The next day was the last day of the hunting contest. All the nobles gathered in the garden to wait for the winner to be announced. The prey are neatly hung on a pole with the names of each family written on it. The ladies speak loudly enough for you to hear them excitedly discuss who will win first place.

Not interested in the topic, you distracted yourself by tilting your parasol slightly to see the blue sky stretching above.

"Princess (Y/N)."

You turned around and spotted Rosalyne. Under the wide-brimmed hat that shielded her from the scorching midday sun, she smiled at you. You glance down and thought that teal suits her well, not too bright but, not dark enough for her to fail to be the center of attention of the young men here.

"Duchess Rosalyne." You smiled faintly, your ladies-in-waiting bowed to Rosalyne in politeness before taking a step back to give the two of you some privacy to chat.

Rosalyne stood next to you. The two of you watched as the servants went about preparing for the announcement of the preys tally that would be made shortly.

"Have you heard?" She began the conversation.

"About what?" you asked as you turned to face her.

"The nobles were busy talking about how romantic you and His Highness were yesterday."

You can't decide whether to laugh or sigh, so you choose to remain silent. To be honest, this was quite common in the aristocratic society, but what is it with people and their obsession with gossiping about the two of you? You don't understand why they make such a huge deal out of everything you and Childe do.

"I was merely wiping the dirt off his cheek." You said, this time flatly.

A laugh escaped from her red lips. "You must be aware, the majority of them are in loveless political marriages, so a sight like that will make them wish they had what you and His Highness have."

You scoffed lightly. It was bold enough of her to conclude this and that about your relationship with Childe, or perhaps she was mocking you.

You heard Rosalyne open her fan before saying, "Ah, isn't that Lady Lumine?"

Hearing that, you follow where her head is turned and found her. There's hardly much to notice except that she's wearing a light green dress that complements her gold hair. She stands far away in a crowd that nearly hides her from your eyes.

"I heard she was supposed to join in the hunt but decided to cancel at the last minute. Isn't that odd?" Rosalyne made a comment.

Your brain is attempting to connect the dots in the back of your mind, secretly hoping it has something to do with Childe claiming that he and Lumine are over. You don't remember seeing her at the tea party yesterday, which means she really didn't show up on the day of the hunt.

Rosalyne paused her fanning and used it to cover her smirking lips as she murmured, "Do you think something happened?"

You tried to ignore the way her voice sounded like she knew something. You try to be deaf to the voices that tell you that maybe she was so depressed after her breakup with your husband that she didn't go to any events yesterday. You try not to jump to conclusions from fear that you will hope for him again.

"Who knows." You responded as you took your gaze away from Lumine.

Whatever her reason for doing that, you don't care.

The servants were setting up the platform down to make way for someone. Soon later, you notice a familiar figure ascending and attracting the nobles' attention.

Standing higher than the others, Childe wore a smile that you could easily see how much it was show. Blue eyes untouched by sunlight, staring aimlessly. So empty, so lifeless. It's scary that no one notices how fake he is, but aren't you now not that different from him?

"I hope everyone had a good hunt." He started the closing ceremony.

You hope he gets out of there fast so you don't have to keep pretending to be happy to see him. If you can, you want to speed up time and end this quickly.

Childe turned to Dmitri who was standing not far behind him, "Let's begin the announcement of the preys tally." He said, leaving the next agenda to his confidant.

With the background sound of the names of the participants being announced and the amount of prey they have obtained, Childe descends the platform and... approaches you. You fill your lungs before quickly emptying them, hoping somehow he has some important business that will stop him from coming your way.

But of course that's not going to happen. Childe has arrived before you, with blue eyes that magically have the ability to sparkle. Perhaps it's simply the sun.

"(Y/N)."

Your cheeks rose from the smile you were forced to give him, "Your Highness." You greet him.

As if you were the only person there, he kept his eyes fixed on you. Childe stares at you for a long time before reaching out, asking for your hand to tuck into his. You do as he asks, excusing yourself to Rosalyne to go to a less crowded spot with your ladies-in-waiting keeping their distances.

Feeling relieved to be out of the limelight, you pull your hand out of his as you drop your smile. Despite his frown, Childe chose to let you this time, not wanting to make things worse.

"I got you the rabbits you asked for."

"I have heard." You responded without even glancing at him.

"Are you still upset?" Childe said, taking a long breath.

Despite feeling weird about his question, you replied, "I don't recall ever doing that."

"Then why are you no longer smiling?"

"My facial muscles are sore." It wasn't entirely a lie.

Childe paused before speaking again, "I'll ask for a healer."

"No need."

"I don't want my wife to be in pain." He said, you can't tell if it's one of his acts or if he's worried.

You glared at him, his blue eyes widening in surprise from your sudden action. "You may ease my pain by being silent and stop talking to me." You told him without hesitation, watching his expression change to that of a poor puppy that just got kicked.

Surprisingly, he obliged with your request, even though it resulted in him standing stiffly next to you.

Soon, you're back to listening to the announcement of the winner read by Dmitri. After mentioning the names of many participants and their hunts, he will finally announce the three main winners. You looked at the figure of Shiva who was standing not far from you, wondering if this year he could beat Childe in winning first place.

"Third place! The Prince of Liyue, His Highness Prince Shiva!"

You furrow your brows. As you remember, last year he managed to get second place—it's a shame this year he didn't make it to the top.

"Two deer, three boars, two raccoons and a pheasant!"

Even so, Shiva appeared unconcerned. Instead, he smiled warmly, raising his hands high and enlivening the audience around him. You don't miss how some women blush for him.

"I deliver my preys to my dear sister, Princess (Y/N)!" he exclaimed as he turned to face you. You can't help but return the smile.

"The second place! Duke Zhongli from Liyue!"

Your eyes widen from that. You sweep across the space instinctively, looking for brown hair with amber tips. It wasn't difficult since he looked so elegant and dignified in his complex suit—like gold in among black and white.

"Four white foxes, two wolves, and a deer!"

Zhongli finds you instantly, as if he had known where you were all along. With the smile he flashed at you, you feel your heart skip a beat.

Zhongli raised his hand, "I dedicate my preys to Her Highness Princess (Y/N)."

The nobles started whispering, the ladies around you are no exception. They babbled in a mumble that you couldn't catch. But, instead of being surprised by that, you nearly flinch when you hear a harsh scoff from Childe.

Fortunately, nearing the announcement of the first winner, the conversation turned to people wondering who would get it this year.

"It must be Prince Childe again! He always wins every year!"

"What about Prince Ayato? Yesterday Princess Ayaka said her elder brother could definitely beat him."

You cast a glance at Childe who had a crumpled expression on his face, choosing to slide your hand over his hoping it would brush it off of him. Blue eyes widen as they turn to face you.

"Please refrain from making such expressions, Your Highness." You tell him perhaps he misinterpreted your gesture.

Childe looked at you as if you were something more complicated than just a woman. He opened then closed his mouth, hesitating between saying it or swallowing his words. Not waiting for him, you return to straighten your eyes.

"Do you like it?"

Your brows met in the middle of his ambiguous question. "What do you mean?"

"The Duke, he dedicated his preys to you."

You really don't understand Childe. How can he look at you with a face like he's afraid you'll hurt him with your answer? On the other hand, he appears to be anticipating something from whatever you are about to say. Why is he acting like he's vulnerable with you?

General Tartaglia.. is he really the same person as him?

"Why do you care?"

Childe clenches his jaw; you're really driving him insane. "Because I—"

"This is what you've been waiting for! The first winner!" Dmitri's booming voice drew the attention of more than just the two of you. "The first winner is..." There was complete silence as people watched him flip the paper over to announce the winner.

For a moment, you catch a look of disappointment on his face, which quickly fades as he remembers he is still in public view.

"Duke Aether of Mond!"

Instantly, that silence no longer existed. The nobles were busy muttering in disbelief from what they had just heard. Unlike in previous years, Childe wasn't the first winner—he didn't even make the top three. You glance at Childe in surprise, but he doesn't display any regret or even an expression that implies he's concerned.

Had he expected this? you thought.

The sound of the crowd mumbling incessantly. As if that wasn't enough to make you uncomfortable, they directed lingering glances at you after first landing them on the man beside you.

"Attention, please!"

The voice of the ultimate victor, Aether, was heard clearly. People miraculously went quiet as they awaited what he would say next. You spot him standing by his twin sister. Is he giving away his preys to her or has he found someone special to dedicate his game to?

"I'd like to dedicate my preys to someone," he continued.

The blonde turned his head, landing his golden eyes on you. Instantly you froze in place, your back feeling cold as you are still trying to figure out why he is suddenly smiling at you.

With his hand held high, he had exposed your position to everyone before shouting, "I dedicate my game to Her Highness Princess (Y/N)!"

Aether had dropped the bomb. Nobody anticipated this, not even Lumine, who stood behind him with gaping jaws and widened eyes. You were engrossed with figuring out what Aether meant by this, that you missed Childe's low growl.

So far, you've only met him a few times—each time there's never been a lengthy enough talk between the two of you for him to believe you two are close enough for this. Could he be doing this as an apology because his twin was your husband's mistress? Or is he testing your reaction?

While you were thinking, Aether had parted the crowds to get to you, trailed by a hesitant Lumine.

The blonde haired man smiled sweetly—genuinely, very different from yours and Childe's. Golden eyes twinkled, so clear and beautiful you could almost see your own reflection. He bowed slightly, his braided hair falling forward as he did.

"Your Highnesses." He greeted the both of you before fully turning back to you, "Princess (Y/N)."

"..Duke Aether—"

"Duke." Childe's voice was piercing, contrasting with the smile he later lifted to cover his displeasure. "What exactly are you doing?" He asked, this time more softly so that the others would not hear.

"I believe it is only fitting for Her Highness to receive my gift." Aether extended his hand, asking for yours.

You try to analyse his expressions, searching for any hint that it masks malicious intents, only to discover that it's just full of... adoration. A genuine smile that makes you assume maybe—just maybe—he really is doing this because he wants to be better friends with you.

But wasn't this a betrayal to his twin sister, who was staring at him from behind with a solemn expression? If it was true that Aether knew about what had happened between her and your husband, wouldn't this seem as if he was siding with you?

"Will you accept it, Your Highness?" He's still holding out his hand for yours.

Doubt and anxiety swirling in your stomach. You scan his face one final time, desperately trying to find something in it, but then when you don't, you glance at the people around you. You're still in the public eye, it would be strange if you rejected it. You handed Sasha your parasol before placing your hand on his.

"Thank you, Duke Aether." You let him cup it and put his chaste kisses on your knuckles.

You feel his smile on your glove, "Thank you for being such a kind host with all your virtues, Your Highness." He raised his head to look at you.

Feeling uncomfortable, you withdrawn your hand slowly and laid it on Childe's arm again. The air was deafeningly quiet, with just a few murmurs remaining since everyone was focused on the three of you. You take a deep breath before emptying your lungs again.

"Congratulations on your victory, Duke." Childe said accompanied by a smile, strangely, you don't feel a sense of relief from it. "I believe the announcement ceremony has come to an end. Let us all get some rest before tonight's celebration." He turned to the rest of the nobles.

Without warning, Childe stepped out requiring you to do the same. With fast and wide steps, it signals your ladies-in-waiting not to follow you two. As you were about to pass Lumine, your heart skipped a beat at the thought of him turning to look at her.

Childe didn't. And Lumine did nothing more than bow politely.

Is their relationship completely over?

In your head, there are lots of questions without answers—as a result they just circle around to frustrate you. Meanwhile, Childe has taken your hand in a direction that will obviously not lead you back to your own chambers.

"Where are we heading?" you ask.

"You'll see."

You two came to a halt as soon as you arrived at one of main gardens many times bigger than yours in Ruby palace. The maids in front of you are standing next to a gigantic cage filled with rabbits with various fur colors. You blinked your wide eyes, turning your head as Childe glanced at you.

"Isn't this what you requested of me?" He stated.

Rabbits. In that cage, they appear to be arrow wounds-free—as you request. With small steps, your hand slips out of his toward it for a clearer view.

"Is this why you were coated in mud yesterday?" You ask without looking at him.

Childe became quiet, turning it into a question with no response. He made a step, but not far enough to go in front of you. "If I said yes, would you refuse the gifts from those men?" he asked.

A harsh scoff comes out of your lips. "What's with your obsession on that?" This time, you lock your gaze on him.

"Perhaps this is not enough, I will give more as long as you don't receive anything from them." He offered. "I will go to any length for you."

From his words, you clicked your tongue impolitely. "You speak too easily," You commented.

You don't need him to give you hope as if he would trade anything in the world for you when Childe may merely be doing this to get back on your good side. In terms of promises and hearts, he is the most astute—the most skilled at playing it before discarding it like trash.

You opened your mouth again, "Then again, you never care if you have to break yet another promise."

The man's jaw hangs from your words. He stands with that expression on your face as if you had crushed his heart—which you know is impossible. You keep your flat one, fooling him into thinking you feel nothing. But, if you really can't feel anything, why are your fists clenched to hold back the shaking?

Much to your surprise, your waiting for a reply only gets silence. Childe said nothing, made no attempt to be the last one to speak.

"Thank you for your gift, Your Highness," you exhaled. "However, I have no intention of being impolite and turning down their gifts."

You turn around, facing the maid who is ready to open the cage to free the rabbits in this large garden.

For a moment, you pause to consider if you're exaggerating the matter. However, there's not much you can do when your heart is still full of wounds and confused about what he made you go through before. You know that as long as it hasn't healed, you will continue to bleed on him and on anyone even if their purpose is to be kind to you.

"Please leave me be, Ajax."

Not only mentioning his name, you ask so softly. Therefore, even though he knows each step is like walking barefoot on broken glass, Childe will give it to you.

Childe walked away, the fainter sound of his footsteps following him. You held your breath, making sure he was completely gone before exhaling, leaving your lungs with something dull and heavy.

You looked up at the maid, giving her a faint smile before saying, "Please open it."

Nodding at your request, she unlocked the cage. After it was opened, the rabbits sniffed around as if making sure it wasn't a dangerous place outside. One with black fur was the first to jump out, then followed by the others as they spread out to enjoy the green grass garden.

"Your Highness?" One of the maids approaches you, holding a basket full of carrots. "His Highness told us to prepare for this. Should we feed them now?"

The problem with you is that you fall in love with every details about him. From how the lifeless blue reminds you of deep sea water to how the wavy strands of ginger dance as the wind is blowing. And when he does the same, you thought he's fallen in love with you too.

Humans can live without happiness, but, not without love. Maybe that's the reason why many people stay even though their love is one-sided, maybe that's the reason the deepest recesses of your heart feel warm from the small things that he cares about for you.

It's as though no matter how horrible he makes you feel, your heart will continue to beat for him, your skin will continue to miss his touch.

Breaking your train of thought, you grab one of the carrots, promising yourself that you would feed four to five rabbits before returning to your chamber to prepare for tonight's ball.

Chapter 23: Love Soldier, I Want Closure

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The blue sky has been replaced with the night sky. You're now in a crimson gown with goldwork, standing at the door of one of the drawing rooms. You nodded to the guard on the side, motioning for him to open it. When the knob is pulled, the light beam from inside falls right on you, attracting the attention of those in the room.

You never thought too much of yourself, thinking you were just another pretty face among the nobles. However, as he realized you were only a few steps away, Childe's cheeks flushed from how ethereal you truly are.

This isn't fair. If you appear like this, perhaps the moon will soon disappear behind the heavy night clouds and the stars will cease to shine in shame for no longer being the most beautiful in the entire universe. Your diamond earrings are sparkling and twinkling brilliantly. But, for the rest, your mere presence is already an absolute gem.

With the constellations that seem to be painted in your eyes, you are the embodiment of the dream his soul craves.

You force a smile as you dip yourself in courtesy. "Your Highness." You greet him.

".. (Y/N)."

Childe no longer cares about how you called him. He stepped down from the podium to approach you. As soon as he got right in front of you, his blue eyes scanned you from top to bottom, whether he's making sure everything is perfect or he's searching for flaws to point out, you don't know, but you also try not to care.

His lips opened before they closed, unsure of what he was going to say. You look beautiful, he wants to tell you. But, if he said that, would you misunderstand him and think you weren't pretty yesterday?

Childe didn't realize he'd been thinking about it for an uncomfortably long time until Dmitri cleared his throat. He returned at you, found the smile had changed to an almost blank expression if it weren't for your brows furrowed with curiosity and confusion.

"Could it be that you have something you'd like to tell me?" you ask.

Dmitri chuckled, "I believe His Highness is in awe."

You raised one eyebrow, "Is that so?"

Childe bit his lower lip as he felt his cheeks warming up. You look beautiful, he wanted to tell you, but, for some reason it's so hard for him to say. In the past, he never had a problem teasing you playfully with all his charms, so why is his heart racing from nervousness now that trying to compliment you?

"You.." Childe gave it a try—he always likes a challenge, doesn't he?

Those lovely eyes were fixed on him, waiting for him to continue his sentence. Childe, on the other hand, was certain he couldn't when you made an expression like that—slightly pursed lips polished with a thin, glossy lipstick. Oh, oh, now that he realized that, he couldn't take his mind off remembering how soft it was.

You're not sure if your mind is playing tricks on you or if Childe's cheeks are indeed flushed. You suddenly lift your hand to touch his flesh, causing him to flinch.

Your face is clouded with worry when you feel him warmer than usual. "Are you having a fever?" you ask, clearly clueless as to what really happened to him.

The things you do to him. Don't you see that your touch is driving him insane? It was quite a shock you didn't hear how his heart was pounding inside his ribcage, threatening to come out to meet its captor. His whole body, soul and everything he has to offer is yours—but, unfortunately, you're unaware of that.

Still not answering, Childe cups your hand against his cheek. Your heartbeat quickens.

"You look beautiful."

Now, it's your turn to hold your breath from the simple sentence. In your heart you wonder, what kind of beautiful are you? Is it the kind of beautiful like a flower in a garden that is picked and then left to die? Or maybe the kind of beautiful like the moon that can only be seen from afar?

Or is there a part of his heart that thinks you're the kind of beautiful like something he dreams of? The kind that makes him want to stay forever, the kind that makes him want to have you forever.

Unknowingly, you have hoped again for him. With three simple words and the way he looked at you as if you were the only thing he ever wanted, the fortresses you fought so hard to build almost crumbled. This isn't good. Before it completely collapses, you quickly pull your hand from his cup.

Why are you looking at me like that? you thought. Blue eyes that seemed to drift away in sadness.

You cleared your throat to break the awkwardness. "We should go now."

Childe watched you turn around, your back to him. You've always been easy to leave him lately. What about me? He wanted to ask. I've fallen for you, he wanted to say. Did you just really let go of me?

All he did was follow you out of the room. You held out your hand for him to cup, but you didn't even give him a glance. Whatever expression he is now wearing, you don't want to know.

On your husband's lead, the two of you walked toward the room where the soirée was being held—greeting the all kinds of pungent, expensive perfume that wafted in as soon as the door was opened. Fake people in their fancy clothes, the kind who prefer to flaunt their jewelery while exchanging sensual gossip.

"Watch your step." Childe said to you as you two came down the stairs.

After reaching the dance floor, you dip into the same routine every time you host a banquet—beginning with the first dance of the night.

Your hands, as if trained by a lifetime, find their way to rest on Childe's broad shoulders, while he places his free one on your waist. Music begins to play as he draws you closer to him. Being in his arms causes your heart to betray you—to beat quicker because of how warm he is.

The singer's and orchestra's melodious voices fill the silence between you.

For the first time in your dance, you look up at him. Freckles that resemble stardust. Somehow the moment your eyes met his, everyone and the scenery behind him dissolved. There is only him in yours, and only you in his.

If only you knew how he yearns for you—how he almost misses the rhythm and his feet get clumsy even though he has learned this dance his whole life simply because he is too caught up in the moment to analyze every inch of your face. If you only knew, you wouldn't interpret his daydreaming as disinterest.

"Don't worry," You said unexpectedly, startling him. "the dance is almost over."

Those brows wrinkled in the center, his mind processing your words. When you stopped for a twirl, Childe seemed even more confused.

"What?"

"Our dance will soon be over."

Blue eyes widened before softening again, reflecting sadness more than comfort. "Do you want it to be over soon?"

You smiled faintly, "Don't you?"

"No."

You were taken aback by how sure and clear his response was. Your heart is racing. You've abandoned the musicians' tempo in lieu of your own slower one.

Why? You wanted to ask but, didn't.

Yes, he is the holder of your heart. He is the one who revives your childhood dreams and all the hopes you thought had evaporated. And even though you're in denial right now, you're aware of how your heart and body react to even the slightest glance from him.

Childe was the one who once drew stars around your scars, however, now he is also the one who carved a new one on you—the deepest one. Therefore, you don't need to live on any hope contained in his sweet words, you don't need new promises that you know he will only break later, and you certainly don't need new wounds on top of those that haven't yet healed.

So, rather than asking, you choose to reassemble the beat of the music—holding on tight to him and moving together in the camouflage of a perfect, loving couple.

The audience applauded as your dance ended. Your hands slide off his shoulders, and he lets go of your waist. Childe is about to approach you before you leave the dance floor.

"(Y/N)."

"Your Highness." A new voice muffles his call, causing you both to turn to look at him.

Standing among the royals making their way onto the dance floor, you are taken aback when you land your eyes on the new figure. It wasn't Shiva, nor was it Zhongli. With blonde hair and eyes similar to melted gold—you would easily recognize that face everywhere.

"Duke Aether?" You acknowledged him.

Aether offered a smile, his cheeks slightly lifted from it. Before you ask what he needs, he extends his hand in the manner of a man offering a woman a dance.

"If you please, may I dance with you?"

Of all the banquets you've hosted since you were princess of Liyue until now, Aether has never offered you a dance; so it's only natural for you to feel skeptical especially after he gave you his prey instead of dedicating it to his twin. You've met too many people with hidden purposes, so you're wondering what he possibly want from you now.

Do I have to accept it? You don't know what kind of person Aether is behind the shell of a flawless noble man. Rejecting it and saying you want to give others a chance to dance is still an acceptable excuse anyway.

When you heard the click of high heels caught your ear, you turned to see another blonde who now bowed in courtesy to you and Childe.

"I greet His Highness Prince Childe and Her Highness Princess (Y/N)."

Lumine—dressed in a gray gown—looks stunning in the light of the chandelier. As soon as those eyelids opened, her lashes fluttered. She offered a glance at you before turning to another direction.

"Your Highness," She was not speaking to you. "May I please have this dance?"

It was unusual for a lady to be the first to request a dance. To maintain their pride, they usually signal the men by staring at each other until they are taken to the dance floor. But, now she appears with great courage and offers it to your husband.

"Lumine." Childe called her in a voice that you'd assume was full of familiarity.

Are they really over? The question resounds in your mind.

However, you will not wait for an answer—you have stopped doing so since your last simple question was answered with a sentence that left you shattered.

Your head straightens again as you turn to face the other twin. You placed your hand on Aether's, eliciting a wide smile from him. Even though your heart is dripping anxiousness into your stomach, twisting it in the way you don't like it the most, you will pretend it tastes sweet like the punch on the buffet table.

"You may, Duke Aether."

Hearing that, Childe turned his head so quickly that he may have suffered whiplash.

"(Y/N)!"

For the first time, he felt a strong urge to make you come back to him, to his arms. If he told you he and Lumine were over, would you believe him? Will you return to him and turn down Aether's and any men's dance offers?

Your lips curl into a smile, followed by a chuckle that adds to your facade. "Why are you so agitated, My Prince? I will return to you shortly after this dance is over."

Will you? Childe had many questions running through his head.

A faint smile you gave Lumine before turning back to Childe to add, "Please lead Lady Lumine to the dance."

Now, Childe is worried and it's all because of you. Why are you letting him go now? Didn't you tell him not to go to her last week? God, he really wants to tell you that he and Lumine are over, that there is only you in his heart—so, don't go, don't be with anyone else, and don't let him go to someone who isn't you.

Hesitating lips only give you the opportunity to walk away with Aether, joining those who have already taken position for the second dance. Your head doesn't even look back. You try not to care about anything about them.

New music plays. you and the Aether position your own hands. In your first dance steps, you have noticed the many differences between him and Childe. Beginning with his height, shoulder width, palm size, and the way he makes you feel. For the first time tonight, your heart no longer beats as if it was about to jump out of your ribs.

"I hope you don't mind." Aether opened his mouth.

"About what?"

He motioned for you to twirl around before saying, "About my sister requesting His Highness to dance."

You furrow your brows from that. Either he said it without meaning or he knows you know about his sister being Childe's lover once (and that's if what he told you wasn't just some meaningless drunken ramble).

Aether.. is he testing the water? Perhaps he's attempting to figure out how much you know about your husband.

Whatever it was, you returned to flatten your expression. Instead of taking the risk and falling into his trap, you replied to him: "Even though it's my first time witnessing a lady initiate a dance, there's nothing worth worrying about."

You smile at him, assuring him that you have no problem with it, even though deep down you know you're wondering. Is she holding on to him as tightly as you did before? What kind of conversation were they having while whispering softly in each other's ear?

"I see." Aether seemed quite satisfied with your answer.

Meanwhile, on the other hand, Childe's blue eyes never left you. It was so disrespectful for his dance partner to notice and let out a sigh.

"No one is going to steal her away from you." Lumine said, making him turn to her.

Childe furrowed his brows, "Lumine, what is the meaning of this?" he asked, taking another step in their dance.

Under her curly eyelashes, golden eyes stared at him intently, not hiding her distaste for his question. "What? Do you dislike it?" She let out a light scoff, "That's not fair. Why do you think you're the only one who can come out of the blue and do the unexpected?"

His look was contorted into a sort of discontent with her reply—a stark contrast to how he used to constantly smile and laugh during their regular private encounter.

Childe slowed down his movements, "If you're doing this just because of that, then—"

"Can we not talk about that? Yes, we are over, you don't need to make it clear." Lumine pulled his hand to do the next dance move.

Childe took her hand to lead her in a twirl, her dress swiveling slightly to reveal the shoes she was wearing underneath. After that, he drew closer to her but, still making sure to keep enough distance so that it didn't seem intimate.

"What is it that you want?"

Lumine swallowed her smile. He used to ask her this question all the time. However, rather than sounding as if he was eager to offer anything to please her, he sounded as if he would give anything for her to leave him alone. In the blink of an eye, he had changed drastically.

"I simply want to be the one who says the final words," she explained.

The melodies of the music playing filled the silence between them. Lumine took her chance to inhale the new air, freshening her lungs before they were emptied. Meanwhile Childe waited for her to open her mouth again.

"I despise you." It was a good start in her opinion, enough to paint the shock on his handsome features. "I despise you and everything you did to me."

Their dance is no longer matching the tempo of the music. To hell with that, this might be the last time they faced each other up close—because clearly, she didn't want another chance to be around Childe—and she didn't want to mess this up just because she was afraid the nobles would think they didn't pass their dance class.

"I despise how easily you forget me and how easily you forget the promises you've made to me, especially the one where you said you'd never fall in love with her."

Her vision was blurry, making it impossible to see the expression he had. Her eyes welled up with tears as she told him the bitter fact. However, who has the ability not to fall in love with you when you look like an angel on Earth? When you seem to be able to see the good in even the worst of people?

You're a dream, and she's not even half as pretty.

Their legs slowed down, as if the bones covered in tough skin had gone weak. In the midst of people who are busy dancing, they are still trying to retrieve the tempo of the music that sounds feeble from how much they are lost in their own troubles.

Lumine looked up at him, forcing her legs to move. Where has the melody gone now that it has been replaced by pain?

"I have given everything for you in hopes that you will do the same, yet all I have now is nothing! You went to that woman after simply abandoning and forgetting me. I'd like to wish you death—or, if possible, a worse fate."

In her trembling voice that escaped from her lips, Lumine poured all her hatred towards Childe. The man who received every drop of it fell silent, jaw clenched as he stared at the golden irises barely hidden under her eyelashes.

"Lumine—"

"But, I didn't."

There was a pause after the sentence was said. Her lips parted again to continue, "Even though I really wanted to visit each shrine and pray for your destruction, I didn't." She said, this time her eyes were sharp but, sure.

In her heart, Lumine wondered if seeing her cry would affect something inside him. However, when she felt the grip on her hand loosen, she knew the answer.

A long breath she took. "I didn't do it because of her."

After saying that, those golden eyes darted in a direction—which was followed by Childe and theirs both landed on you. His heart seemed to stop beating, giving his brain a chance to process Lumine's words.

Before Childe could straighten his eyes again, Lumine had already placed hers on him, witnessing how his face looked as he watched you sway your body along with the Aether to the tempo of the music playing. She wanted to be petty, but was it possible when her tongue was bitter?

Childe looked back when she opened her mouth again, "When I was the worst person by being her fiancé's mistress, she never lay a finger on me." Her voice was getting softer and quieter, though not enough to hide the sense of shame in it.

Her vision was blurry once more, indicating a new pool of tears had formed. At this point, Lumine couldn't care less about her makeup smearing or what kind of expression he had on his handsome face. But if he did display sadness, was it created out of remorse or just pity?

Lumine took a new, stuttering breath. "Even though I despised her for making you fall in love with her, I couldn't bring myself to wish you ill and have her suffer just because she married to you."

How could she be that cruel to someone whose kindness knows no bounds?

The wretched guilt washed over her like a tsunami. Here's her confession—but unfortunately, Lumine knows she wouldn't have the courage to say it directly to your face. She's too afraid of how she'll feel if you choose to not forgive her—or worse, if you easily forgive her.

Lumine looked him straight in the eyes. "I am a coward who cannot properly apologize to her. Therefore, all I can wish her is happiness. And you will be the one to help me ensure that, won't you?"

Childe's lips hung open. The hesitant legs slowed till they came to a stop. Her hands slipped down from his shoulders, bringing the dance to a close. Lumine took a step back, forcing him to release his grasp on her waist—this time there was no intention of reaching out to her again.

"Although this is unlikely, I hope there is no chance of us ever meeting again."

Lumine took the heaviest breath she had ever taken. It was so unfair how he could stand straight without breaking like that. It was as if she had never mattered, as if what had happened between them was merely a part of what she was still debating whether it was a fleeting dream or a nightmare.

Stop, Lumine thought. Stop looking at me with pity in your eyes. All am I to you is a foolish woman who believes your promises only to see you fall in love with another woman, right?

(Y/N).. Which of her touches made him crave for more? Which of her words made his heart flutter? Which of her smiles did he fall in love with? The questions only brought her pain. I bet it's every one of them. I bet you fell for everything about her.

"Farewell, Your Highness."

With trembling lips, Lumine said goodbye to her great lost love.

Notes:

ahhhhhhh lumine.. _ i don't know what to feel about this chapter but, hope u enjoyed!

thank u SO SO MUCH for donating to my ko-fi, leaving kudos and comments, and bookmarking this. i often interact with my readers through tumblr so, if u wanna read what we talked about there, u can go head to my tumblr kiryoutann ! (ps. sometimes i post sneak peek of the upcoming chapters). ANDDDDD IF U EVER MADE ANY FANART, TIKTOK VIDS, OR ANYTHING REGARDING BETWEEN KISSES, PLS LEMME KNOW!

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Chapter 24: Rainbow After the Storm

Notes:

Thanks to those who donated to my Ko-fi:
AbbyBianx, ness

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Chapter Text

The music remains playing. As the orchestral melodies play more intensely, Aether brings you closer after a twirl.

"Your Highness, may I seek your opinion on something?" he inquired.

"Go ahead."

You can see a slight amount of hesitation on his face. "Actually, I'm asking this for a person I know." He says, and you don't realize how important it is for him to say this until he opens his mouth again, "She... just ended a romance with a married man."

Oh.

Doesn't he know that you know he's talking about his twin sister?

You examine his entire face and deduce Aether is standing on a gray line, not really sure whether you already know it or not. Thus, he was cautious in the words he used, not wanting to give away the identity of "this" person.

You, on the other hand, are preoccupied by the memory of someone declaring that their relationship has ended. So that wasn't simply drunken nonsense?

"Ah.." Your lack of response is the best you can offer right now. While you don't want to appear disturbed by the subject, you also don't want him to believe you're too calm to answer.

After another twirl, Aether took the signal to continue, "I'm asking this because I need a married woman's perspective," –you're guessing this is one of the rare times he's lying since he's providing you with too much information—"if one day that lady comes to the wife to apologize, is it the appropriate thing to do?"

A dry laugh escaped you. "I'm not sure, everybody reacts differently to that." His golden eyes darken with inquiry and concern. "Some will react in an ugly way, while others will choose to forgive."

"How about you? How are you going to handle it?"

How will you handle it? You're buried in your own thoughts in response to his query. Is he asking this because Lumine intends to apologize to you? Or maybe he's making sure you don't do anything bad out of anger for his sister?

"Me? Well, I hope she doesn't think of appearing in front of me, even just to apologize."

When you said that, his expression gradually altered to show that he didn't anticipate that type of response from you.

You continued later, "I don't need her apologies."

Yes, you don't need her apologies. It's not because you were so incredibly kind and forgave her before she came to you, it's because you know none of those sorry words are going to change anything that has happened.

You don't want to watch Lumine come towards you with a guilty expression. You don't want to be left wondering whether her apology is sincere or just a way for her to wash her hands of her sins and become saintly in your eyes—as if she was never a sinner for sleeping with someone else's man.

As the music neared its end, Aether asked again, "Does this imply you want her to have a miserable life?"

You can't hide the scoff that comes out of you this time. "No," you say, the music in the background reaching a ritardando, slowing the movement of the swaying figures. The conversation between you and the Aether will soon come to an end, as will your dance.

You gave a tiny smile, which caused a crimson hue to appear on Aether's cheeks. "Whatever kind of life she will lead later, I do not care."

From saying that, you have set boundaries on her, on yourself. With this, you won't allow yourself to take the time to wish her the worst out of life—you also won't let yourself go insane if fate still has something nice in store for her, despite the fact that she has been the one to make your life a living hell.

She's dead to you.

"I shall step away for a breath of fresh air now. It was a joy to dance with you, Duke Aether." You moved your high heels the other way without waiting for his response, intending to pass by the folks who were still conversing with their dance partner earlier.

"Wait! Your Highness!"

When you turned back to him, Aether was already looking at you with a tinge too red for you to not notice. Golden eyes glistened in their brilliance, and for the first time, they no longer carry bad feelings in your heart.

"There is nothing I wish but your happiness."

Another one who hopes for your happiness—how much more will it take until God grants it?

Regardless, you smiled at Aether. "Thank you." You resumed your steps, away from the dance floor, away from everything.

The palace garden is where you go for alone time. Holding a slender glass filled with red wine, you try to make out the scenery in the garden light while you organize your heart and mind.

Childe and Lumine is truly over.

However, you have no idea what kind of difference you will feel—is there even one? Like he said when he was drunk, he became the one to end it. You bit your cheek, what reason made him do it?

Or is he so determined to kill you that he's willing to just let her go?

If so, then why does your vision show no sign of war at all? Only Childe's figure knelt in front of the Divine Tree, muttering things you couldn't hear.

"Hiding from someone?"

A voice that you unexpectedly heard behind you made you jump. "Zhongli! You scared me!"

Zhongli smiled, "I hope it's not me you're avoiding." He said as he walked up to you in his fancy suit, his long hair tied back as usual, a glass of champagne rather than red wine in his hand.

You shake your head, "I just need some fresh air, that's all."

"Ah, I see." Zhongli nodded.

The conversation died down after that. Either you find the moon looks more beautiful than usual or you are not comfortable with continuing. Is his presence here to demand an answer to his love confession?

Without you realizing it, not only has Zhongli noticed how beautiful you look—he has also seen the tension in your body. It's so cute. You've always had the habit of fiddling with your hands or looking for something else to stare at to avoid conversation. However, he couldn't fully appreciate it if it ended up drawing more distance between the two of you.

"You look beautiful." he said suddenly. Unfortunately, you can't help but hear someone else's voice in it.

"You look beautiful."

Unlike when you heard it from Childe, you didn't question what type of 'beautiful' he was referring to. Zhongli, on the other hand, was always unambiguous in everything he said and did, preventing you from picking up on mixed signals. And yet, why can't you fall in love with him the way he does with you?

Your cheeksflush with scarlet as you turn to face him, taking in his appearance. "Y-you look handsome." Instead of thanking you, he simply chuckled.

"Why do you act so uneasy with me now? Perhaps you have found yourself a new friend?"

You quickly shook your head, "It's not like that."

His eyes were still crinkled from the remnants of his laughter. "Then," He set his glass on the edge of the fountain, then bent his body while extending his hand to you. You see him tilt his head to ask, "may I dance with you?"

You looked around, "Here?"

"Yes."

"But, there is no music."

Zhongli widened his smile, "Remember the song we used to sing as children?" He made a suggestion.

A chuckle escaped you. "I'm a terrible singer, Zhongli."

"So am I."

As he said that, it was followed by the most breathtaking smile that painted across his handsome features. His amber irises enticed you to lay your hand on his, his fingers enveloping yours in warmth.

Your doubtful eyes try to look back at him, "Will you sing with me?" you asked in a low voice.

Zhongli nodded, "If you insist."

You closed your eyes and exhaled deeply. After your hum echoes in your mouth, his hands slowly wrap around your waist along with yours which then creep up to his shoulders.

An angel in his arms. You moved so smoothly, beautifully, in contrast to his awkward movements. Zhongli is grateful that you were kind enough not to point it out.

"The promise of the world,

won't ever end."

You must be lying about being a bad singer. The tunes and lyrics that entered his ears lit up the light in every part of his body. Zhongli leads the dance with a smile that expands as you spin, the long hem of the dress doesn't make your step sloppy.

"You taught me about the kindness that lurks in the night."

Under the moonlight, he doesn't take his eyes off you for even a second. He wanted to remember every detail of this moment—from how your bodies were close together to your furrowed brows as you tried to remember lullaby lyrics from your childhood.

The minute those eyes returned to him, the flower-filled garden faded into the background. He caught sight of your lips curving into a smile.

"Shouldn't it be your turn to sing?" you ask.

Zhongli chuckled. "It seems I overestimated my memory." Lies. He remembers every lyric of that song; it's just that he wants to admire you a little longer.

You pursed your lips, "Not fair." You protested before continuing, "But, it can't be helped. I'll be gracious and finish it for you."

Another laugh, he really is a happy man. "I am in debt to you." He says.

Little by little, the melancholy that you thought he didn't notice lifted from your face. This is better, Zhongli thought it would be a shame if your beauty were to be marred by sorrow. In the short time that he wished could be forever, Zhongli hopes that you will remember every moment of this—just like he did.

"So live forever in the song.." Of the streams. "Of the streams.."

In the color of this sky,

"In the color of this sky.."

Zhongli slowed down his movements as he hummed the last lyrics of the lullaby: In the fragrance of flowers.

You took a deep breath to finish your song, "In the fragrance of flowers.."

The song has ended. In the middle of the flower garden, a sweet spring breeze blows. However, Zhongli didn't give it a chance to touch your cheek because his hand had already found its way to it. He runs his thumb across your skin.

If he had to paint something so beautiful, he would choose you over flowers, stars and the moon.

"Lately, I often encounter you while you are in despair."

You had a split second to frown before raising a weak grin that you hoped would cover it up. That made Zhongli sad.

If only if it were him who you love, you don't need to be sad anymore, you don't need to cry anymore. You don't need to look for someone else because his heart is here, waiting for you. How unfortunate, your heart, against your will, chooses a storm to love.

However, even if you set your sights on other people in this life—even if every part of you misses another and ends up forsaking him who is always there for you, Zhongli finds no regrets in it. He'll spend his lifetime thinking it's worth it. It's true what people say, one can live without happiness but, not without love.

How can someone be so willing?

"Zhongli.."

Because Zhongli was made powerless by how perfect your voice sounded when it uttered his name.

A faint smile crossed his handsome face, but, this time the amber didn't follow. "I'm not waiting for an answer." He said, and you're sure there's not a part of you that he can't read. Since when did he know that? Was it long before you shared a dance?

When he tucks your hair behind your ear, you feel undeserved of all his kindness after letting him down from your inability to love him in the same way.

"I'm not waiting for any answer, (Y/N)." He's back to repeating himself, reminding you not to blame yourself.

So, this is the love he has for you. Deep inside, Zhongli already knows he can't be with you as more than a friend. But, that doesn't stop him from staying by your side, through thick and thin, ups and downs. That doesn't stop him from falling in love with you. That doesn't stop him from prioritizing your happiness, even though in the end it doesn't include him in it.

It was so great, so intense that you stand here in shame for not being able to return it, feeling like the most ungrateful person in the world for wasting it.

Zhongli watched your shoulders rise stiffly as you took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." You bit your lower lip to hold back the trembling, "I'm sorry, Zhongli."

It's so strange how his heart sank more when his eyes caught a fat tear rolling down your eyes than the fact you don't love him in the same way. He took out a handkerchief and put it against your cheek to absorb the moist liquid.

"Don't be, I'm not." His voice didn't betray his to convey how sure he was of that. "I have no regrets at all for falling in love with you."

How could he say such a thing? Isn't love the most agonizing thing? You don't understand Zhongli. You can't guess which god or goddess protects him from heartache so that he is still so willing to pour out his feelings for you. This love that he has.. you can't help but think it's deserved by someone better than you.

You shook your head, "There are better women who deserve it than me."

"Who is a better woman than you?"

"The one who loves you." You answered him.

Either you are considerate or you are trying to wash your hands of the guilt of his love being wasted. However, you want him to meet someone else and spend his day with her in joy and laughter. Whereas one day seemed to fly by, and at the end of the day he held her in his arms for a good night's sleep.

As for Zhongli, in his mind he can only imagine you. At least until he finally decides to let go of his feelings for you.

"When you love someone, they become something that you often find in everything. In the tea you sip in the morning, in every page of the book you open, in every joke someone tells—makes you wonder, if they had heard it, would they have laughed too." He caresses your face, tender and full of longing.

Zhongli took a breath to continue his sentence.

"However, when you love someone you grew up with, they have become a part of your life. You understand them as well as they understand you; from the type of tea they prefer, the flowers they believe are the most beautiful, the hobbies they enjoy in their spare time, to the habits they do when they're nervous. To me, you are that person—you have been what I have known my whole life. Then how can you tell me that I should offer this love to someone else?"

In that moment of silence, only your sobs could be heard. The handkerchief was wet from your tears, but its owner didn't appear to mind. That pair of amber is still looking at you, unwavering and unapologetic.

Zhongli smiled, so beautiful yet, full of sorrow. "Then, please give me a long time to let go of all the feelings I have for you. Because to bury the memories and love that I have held for you for the rest of my life seems impossible," he said. "I love you. Let me be that way until the day comes when I am ready to let you go completely."

Your brain was unable to stop the tears from falling once he said it. In the sobs you try to suppress, Zhongli wraps his arms around you, hugging you as if to say everything will be alright.

It's unfair how he treats you as if you haven't broken his heart. It's unfair that heaven didn't arrange for your heart to just fall in love with him.

The seemingly endless corridor eventually brings you to the door that leads to the Ruby Palace's garden. You've taken several steps away from the throngs of banquets in the main palace, despite having blisters on your feet from your terrible high heels. You know you shouldn't do this considering you are the host, but what choice do you have other than to leave to soothe your aching heart?

The sound of your heels dragging was heard as you walked towards the fountain. The glittering silver light that the moon lays on the water. You stand close enough to see your own reflection, a woman who will lose everything in the end.

You sink to the ground. Your bones are brittle, you have lost your firm footing.

To love and to be loved are the most concrete embodiments of self-healing and self-destruction.

With your eyelids puffy from sobbing, you laid your hands on the fountain's cement before using it as a pillow for your heavy head. Your chest feels empty, and you can't determine which is worse after a long cry: agony or emptiness. Regardless, both are negative.

You think about closing your eyes for a moment. However, just as you were about to do so, you caught the sound of someone's footsteps. When your head turns to the palace building, your eyes widen to find a familiar figure.

Childe.

With the help of the pale moonlight, you can see he's panting. Did he run all the way here? Wait, why is he here?

"Haah.. I've.. I've been looking everywhere for you." He managed in between his breaths.

Your jaw hangs from it. Him? Looking for you? Why? Last time, you're sure you remembered him having another woman—his former lover—in his arms, sharing the dances she asked for and he accepted. So, why does he now stand before you with a troubled expression that fades to relief as soon as he sets his gaze on you?

You turned your gaze to the water fountain. "Why are you here?" you ask softly.

Instead of answering, Childe took another step towards you. It's beyond your thinking how he can't read your body gestures even though you feel you have told him firmly enough that you don't want to see him. When your shoulders are a little heavy with something, you glance to find his suit jacket on it.

"It's cold, you know." he says.

"Then take your jacket from me."

Childe blinked. "What? No, I mean, it's cold for you."

"I've been fine ever since." You pushed the suit jacket off your shoulders. Before it hit the ground, Childe picked it up and put it back on your shoulder, this time being careful to tighten it properly and button the front.

When he exhaled, it created white smoke which then dissipated into the air. Perhaps he was correct about the chilly air; it's strange that you didn't notice it sooner.

"Couldn't you simply quiet up and let me take care of you?" he argued.

"I am not a sick person who needs to be taken care of."

Childe kneels in front of you to level your eyes with his. Dark blue eyes, they don't have the ability to reflect the moonlight yet, for some reason you are in them. The sweet scent of cologne clinging to his clothes enters your nose, letting you know he's close enough for you to smell it.

"I know," He said softly, as if timid. "I simply wish to."

The silence was full of hesitancy, but not because he wasn't sure what he wanted—it was more hesitant whether he should tell you. Since when had he been so careful with his words? It was a question—unbeknownst to both of you—echoing in each other's minds.

Your lips parted before finding the words, "There is no need,"—that would be nice, you actually wanted to say—"I don't need to be cared for by anybody." But I'm afraid this is merely one of many things you say when you're lonely.

Because you believe it is unfair that your heart is still searching for him amid a sea of people, only to find him searching for you when he is alone.

"We should return to the banquet."

You want to get out of his sight before he says anything else. While trying to unbutton his suit jacket, you were about to stand up when the pain running through your legs made him capture your cry.

"What's wrong?" Childe asked worriedly, already standing beside you.

You shake your head, "It's nothing." You try to move your leg again, ending up stopping shortly after from the pain.

Childe, surprisingly, has a sharp eye. He concluded that you had trouble walking because of whatever was happening to your feet. Without warning, he lifted you off the ground and walked over to sit on the nearest bench.

Childe knelt in front of you, "Show me your feet."

"I told you it was nothing." You still insist.

It was a wasted effort as he lifted the hem of your dress to cup your ankles. When he took off your shoes, you winced from the pain that you felt when it slipped off your heels. Your toes are inflamed, and you suspect you have blisters from overuse of your shoes.

His long fingers go around your heel and find the blister. He looked up at you, his brows wrinkled, but not from bewilderment. "You're hurt."

"That happens quite often." In his ignorance, you are not referring to your feet.

Childe sighed, "In case you don't know; if you're hurt, the first thing you should do is heal it, not hide it."

Hearing this, you fell silent. "That would make me appear weak." You nearly whispered.

Childe gently lifted your leg, allowing you to examine your own injuries. "If anyone says that despite the fact you've endured blisters this awful all night, I will definitely shove an arrow into their throats."

In the deepest hope that is sprinkled in the recesses of your heart, you're hoping to find something in his words—a promise, one that he has no intention of breaking. Perhaps if you get that from him, determination will come to you and encourage you to expose every piece of yourself, the one with bruises and cuts. The one that doesn't always taste like roses and sugar, the one that tastes more like someone who has just returned from a long war.

Don't fall too easily. He is nothing more than a storm full of misery and illusions. However, that's the problem with you. You don't care that he's a hurricane because a part of you believes he will be able to bring you a rainbow.

Childe stood up, clamping your shoes between his fingers. "Come, I'll take you to your chamber." He has positioned himself to carry you.

"My legs still work." You countered.

"You're only going to worsen the blister. However, if your objective is for me to carry you around, then you are allowed to do that."

It nearly drives you insane how he always has a reply for you. "Fine, but I'd rather be carried on the back."

Childe stared with enlarged blue eyes, "Surely you're kidding."

"Then I'll walk to my chamber—"

In a hurry, Childe crouched down in front of you—facing his broad back towards you. You don't expect him to actually do this.

"So? What are you waiting for?" He looked over his shoulder, "Come on up."

Although hesitant at first, in the end you climbed onto Childe's shoulders. He rose up and walked while carrying your shoes between the hands that supported your body. Even though your neck hurts from keeping it up from not wanting to rest on his shoulder, you think this is better. You don't have to look at his face that reminds you that you have thrown away the love of a certain someone just because you can't love anyone other than him.

Is the walk to your room always this long?

From how slowly Childe walks, you're starting to believe he's having a hard time carrying you—although you think that's ridiculous given his fit frame and the fact that he seems capable of toppling a muscular adult.

With the drowsiness that creeps in because of that, you betray your promise about not resting your head on his shoulder. And God, you're home.