Warnings: I don't own Gundam Seed, Gundam Seed destiny or Gundam Seed Freedom.
Warnings: this story may contain self-harm or suicidal topics.
Athrun stared as Cagalli entered the Attha Manor. He had dropped her off after their walk along the beach and dinner at his apartment.
He no longer had an excuse to come to the Attha Manor frequently now that he was no longer her bodyguard. Since the cabinet had always shown disdain and mistrust towards him because of his origins and his last name, he and Cagalli wanted to keep a low profile.
After the previous war and all his efforts to show his loyalty to Orb, anyone could have thought that they would choose to put their differences aside and acknowledge that he was his own person and not his father but there were no changes.
Of course Orb had always been a country where naturals and coordinators lived together in harmony but when it came to government issues and influence, the cabinet wasn't too keen on having coordinators in positions of influence or getting somehow too close to influencial people in their country.
Anyway, the country's leadership only consisted of five families. The five great Royal families of Orb were the only ones that were allowed to lead the country and this had been the tradition. So a coordinator being in power was impossible since all the five families were naturals.
As he continued driving to his apartment, he smiled proudly, knowing that their future is bright nomatter what anyone thinks or says because they both refused to give up on each other unlike they did during the second war.
As he passed by Route 88, his heart got sunk by a dreadful memory. A memory he still cannot fully believe to this day. A memory of the day that turned out to be the most dreadful one he has ever lived through since his mother passed away and simultaneously, the happiest day of his life so far.
Flashback
Athrun stepped out of the shower, patting his hair dry with a towel. On the TV was some sports news.
It was unfortunate that his work never allowed him to keep up with his favourite sport games so he would only settle for the analysis of results during his days off from work.
A rambling noise from outside distracted him from the broadcast and a chill breeze swept through his ensuite bedroom. He walked over to close the windows and noticed that the clouds in the sky had gotten even darker.
Lighting flashed and another thunder rambled through the atmosphere. The trees were getting violently tossed around by the strong wind.
He closed the windows and the noise from the commotion outside reduced. The thunderstorm was about to start. It had been reported on the news that a tropical cyclone was expected to pass through Orb and travel east afterwards. Several warnings had been given out.
He glanced at the clock. It was around 6pm. He silently hoped there wouldn't be a power cuts because of the severity of the storm, because he hadn't made dinner yet and was getting a little hungry already.
His phone rang as he put his last article of clothing and he ran over to pick it up. It was an unknown number, but he picked it up anyway.
"Hello".
"Athrun Zala?".
"Speaking".
"This is Representative Attha's chief of security, Sargent Rieke", a female voice sounded on the phone speaker.
"Is everything okay?", Athrun asked worriedly. He had just seen Cagalli a few days earlier and had noticed that something was off but she tried to brush it off like it was nothing.
Had she fallen ill? Had she collapsed at work? Did she need him?. He couldn't stop asking himself those questions as his heart kept thumping quicker and quicker.
"Not really but so far everything is under control ", the voice jolted him from his train of thoughts.
"What's wrong?".
"I know we started on the wrong foot, but we would like to ask for your assistance," she sighed, "Representative Attha wants to go out and doesn't want any security details."
"What?!!...Go where? there's a storm coming, and it's gonna start raining in a few minutes. She probably won't see clearly in the road while driving!!!", Athrun screamed in fear.
"Calm down, Commander Zala, that's why we're asking for your assistance. We figured you might be the only person she won't complain at if you accompany her".
"Okay, I'm on my way to pick her up".
"No, you're not going to pick her up, you're going to follow her in your own car so that she doesn't see she's being spied on".
"Don't worry, I'll drive her, I'll talk to her and--".
"No Commander, you'll have to follow her discretely".
"Why?, she can't drive herself in this weather, I'll drive her".
"Commander Zala, it is best if she drives herself and if you'll ask me why I insist you follow her instead of driving her, we could spend the whole day listing the reasons why and she's just about to leave now, so we don't have time for that," she sighed again, "If it were another time, we would have forced her to do what is right but I'm afraid the Representative has become more difficult than she was already these days".
"Okay, I'm on my way now", Athrun hurriedly picked up his car keys and put on a coat.
He also picked up an rain coat. He obviously knew an umbrella would be useless during such a windy thunderstorm. He sped to the Attha Manor and just as he arrived, he saw Cagalli's car leaving. He tagged along just like a car that was already going in the same direction.
Athrun opened the car gps incase she took too many turns he would find a different route so that she won't see that he is following her but at the same time he would know which route to take next in order to catch up with her.
She took more than five turns to the right and Athrun knew that she was driving to go out of town. 'In this weather?', he asked himself. The time wasn't favourable either, it was already 7pm and the night was even darker because of the heavy clouds.
As Athrun had assumed, they entered the highway to leave the city. 'Just where the heck is she going?', he sighed. Just then, the rain started pouring down.
The rainfall was so heavy that he had to use his car's wipers in order to see the road. Cagalli's car suddenly took a left turn out of the highway and he followed her at a distance.
They drove for half an hour in the hilly landscape until she stopped at a cliff. The rain was still pouring down like there was no tomorrow and the night was so dark that the only light available was that of their cars and the occasional lightning strikes.
He saw her get out of her car and walk steadily towards the cliff. He got out of his car too and took the raincoat with him. He kept his car lights on so that he could see clearly in that darkness.
"Cagalli, what are you doing here? This is very dangerous, you can't be out here alone at this time of the night and much less in this weather", he complained putting the raincoat on her so she wouldn't get wet and end up catching a cold.
To his surprise, she kept quiet and didn't move an inch as if he wasn't there at all.
"Look, ignoring me isn't gonna solve anything, Cagalli, I know there's something wrong but you have to talk to someone about it instead of coming out here alone at night in this weather", he said as loud as he could incase she couldn't hear him clearly because of the loud rainfall, "I'm here, you can talk to me if anything is bothering you Cagalli ".
Athrun had a strong feeling something was wrong. Cagalli was the type of person who would make reckless decisions that would put her in danger while saving others in war but this was different. She was putting herself in danger for no reason at all. 'Did someone hurt her?' Is she that suffocated by her security details' constant control over her that she needed to go as far away as possible from them to catch a breath?'. Something serious must have happened to make her do this and he wanted to know what it was.
A flash of lightning lit up the whole area as if it was daylight and Athrun got a real glimpse of how deep the cliff was. It scared the life out of him. He saw Cagalli's hand move and to his absolute bewilderment, she took out a gun from her pocket.
His insides collapsed when she lifted the gun towards her head and his instincts immediately kicked in. He quickly grabbed her hand and turned it to point the gun in front of them and it fired. He scooped the gun from her hand and put it in his pocket.
'Was she...?, was she about to...?'. He asked himself, failing to open his mouth to say anything. He couldn't believe his eyes.
"Cag...Cagalli...", he struggled to formulate words as if he was losing his breath.
Athrun felt his knees weaken. He tried to say something but the shock still had a stronghold on him. He looked at her intensely, why was she being like this? Did she even consider how people around her would feel if something were to happen to her? Did she even think of how he would feel? His shock eventually turned into anger.
"How dare you try to do something like this Cagalli!!!", he raged, "Why?...How did you come up with such a stupid conclusion, Cagalli?", he yelled as the rage within him continued to build up.
"Answer me Cagalli!!!", he involuntarily shook her violently.
Cagalli didn't budge. She didn't open her mouth or at least look at him or try to remove his grip from her shoulders. She just stood the like a zombie, as if he wasn't there at all.
"Answer me dammit!!!", Athrun continued in his rageful yelling, "weren't you the one who told me that staying alive was the greatest battle? What the heck is wrong with you Cagalli?, did you even stop to think about how the people around you would feel if you...? Did you even stop to think how this would affect me?".
Again Cagalli didn't move an inch. Athrun lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes but as soon as he looked at them, he froze. The eyes that used to inspire him everyday with the determination and fire in them. The eyes that always set his soul on fire were now just...dead.
It seemed like this wasn't Cagalli at all. Of course, he had seen her eyes weak and encircled by dark circles just a few days ago during their video conference call but now there was something completely different about them. They neither tired nor energetic, just...dead. It's like he was staring at a hollow blackhole under the ocean, where you can see nothing beyond the darkness of the surface.
"Cagalli...", he called her name softly, "what happened?".
His rage completely subsided the moment he saw her eyes. At first, he had blamed her for what she was about to do but when his saw her completely empty and hollow eyes, he realised that he was probably blaming her for something that was out of her absolute control. Guilt engulfed him. He pulled her to his chest and hugged her tightly.
"I'm sorry", he broke down, tears streaming down his face, only to be washed by the rainfall, "I'm so sorry for what I said".
He held her even tighter probably leaving no room for her to breath at all but that didn't come to his mind at all. Cagalli still didn't respond and Athrun's guilt grew even more. He should have noticed that she wasn't okay at all when he saw her do that, he should have known that it was unlike her at all and that she needed help, instead all he did was yell at her.
Did she even hear the things he was saying at all, or was this zombie state also in her brain that she didn't even hear everything he said to her today?. He continued asking himself hundreds of questions.
"I'm here, whatever it is that's bothering you, we'll talk about it, okay," he said brushing her hair from her face after releasing her from the gut squashing embrace.
She still didn't move an inch or look at him or protest at all.
"Come on, you're going to get a cold if we stay here," Athrun helped her get into his car. They were both soaking wet and the rain still hadn't stopped.
She didn't protest to being carried by him, instead, her body felt as light as paper when Athrun was picked her up bridal style to the car. Cagalli had never been that weak, he knew something was really wrong here and he made a silent vow to protect her.
He immediately locked the doors when he sat in his driver's seat, incase she'd try to open the door while the car's moving. The ride was quite silent.
He kept peeking at her during the ride to his apartment. He saw tears streaming down Cagalli's face but she still didn't move an inch. This was so unlike her. Cagalli's crying was always vocal and active. She would throw herself at someone and cry loudly or she would collapse to her knees or would at least bow her head and sob but at that moment tears were just coming out of her still eyes. It seemed like she wasn't blinking at all. He wondered if she was even aware tears were coming out of her eyes.
He decided that it was best to take her to his apartment instead of her house. He dialed Sargent Rieke's number two times to inform her that he wasn't bringing her to the Attha Manor but no one answered.
Athrun helped Cagalli sit in his dining room and left to get her warm clothes and also change out of his own wet clothes.
Cagalli still hadn't said anything. She just sat still, staring blankly into space.
"Here, put on these clothes while I dry your clothes", Athrun suggested as he handed her his T-shirt, hoodie, sweatpants and a blanket.
They were definitely too big for her but he was happy that at least she would be warm. He put her wet clothes in the dryer and turned on the heat on the air conditioner. He left her seating in the lounge and headed to the kitchen to make her some hot chocolate.
The hot chocolate he used to make her back when they were still inseparable. He was so bad at making it at first but Marna had taught him how to do it and he gradually improved.
Athrun put the hot chocolate mug on a tray and took it to Cagalli. Two sugars and hot enough to burn her tongue, just like Cagalli liked it.
"Here's some hot chocolate, just as you like it", Athrun smiled, handing her the mug but she remained still and kept staring ahead. She didn't even acknowledge his presence. He wondered if she'd heard what he said.
"Cagalli ", he placed a hand on her shoulder and she jumped a little. She seemed to have been shocked by that and Athrun knew that that also meant she hadn't even noticed that he came into the room. He sighed, pity and hurt welling inside him. His heart broke every time she wasn't okay.
"I brought you hot chocolate", Athrun put on a smile again even though he felt like his heart was aching with pain.
She opened her mouth but said nothing. She then shook her head slightly and Athrun took it as refusal, since she didn't even bother to look at the mug. He didn't want to force her to do anything but she needed to drink something warm or else she would catch a cold.
"Okay, how about we make a deal?", he started, unsure if his bargain was going to work or if it was even the right decision to make, "If you drink this hot chocolate while it's still hot and finish it", he paused, " I promise that tonight I won't ask you anything about what happened today. I won't bother you until you're ready to tell me about it".
Cagalli looked at him and once again, he couldn't read the expression in her eyes, they were still empty.
"Okay?", Athrun asked hesitantly, not sure if she was going to take the bait.
"If you don't want hot chocolate, I can make you something else, tea? coffee? or-".
Before he could finish talking, Cagalli took the mug from his hands and started drinking the hot chocolate. He was relieved. At least they were starting to go somewhere.
He watched as she gulped the hot chocolate many times. It must've tasted really good. He was impressed but worried at the same time. He couldn't let her go to sleep without talking to her about what was bothering her. He knew she had to talk to someone about it in order to share her burden with someone.
The door bell to his apartment rang and he walked to the entrance to open the door. He glanced at the security camera screen first and saw three people standing outside his apartment. He scanned the faces and one of them was Sargent Rieke. As soon as he opened the door they rushed in without even acknowledging him.
"Good evening to you too", Athrun said sarcastically.
"Commander Zala, thank you for taking care of the representative, we'll take over from here", Sargent Rieke stated.
"Take over? You can't take her back, she needs to rest".
"She'll rest in the comfort of her home".
"No, she has to rest at a place where she won't start working from home, at least just for tonight".
"The Representative has duties to fulfill and protocol to follow Commander Zala and we won't allow selfish behaviour".
That's when Athrun finally lost it. How could they be so heartless, was she just a machine in their eyes? A robot that was supposed to do whatever they told it to do without any consideration for itself?
"Enough!!!, I'm sick and tired of your cruelty towards her", Athrun yelled in fury.
"Commander Zala-", Sargent Rieke was shocked.
"Shut up!!!", Athrun continued in his rage, "You have no consideration or whatsoever about her at all, right? As long as your needs are met, you don't care about how she is doing at all".
"Commander Z-", Sargent Rieke tried to speak again but Athrun cut her off again.
"Do you know what she was about to do when I caught up with her?!!!", Athrun asked, balling his fists, "she was about to...", he just couldn't finish his statement because it hurt him to say those words.
The guards kept quiet while looking at him, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say. It took a while for him to get himself together and finally said the words he hadn't found the strength to say.
"...She tried tried to...kill herself ".
This shocked all the security details.They couldn't believe what he was saying.Yes, they had noticed that Cagalli had become more quiet those days but they never imagined something like that would happen.
"..I found her car parked at a cliff near the highway that leads to the farmlands, she pointed a gun at her own head and I stopped it..", Athrun said weakly.
A nerve-wracking silence grazed the room. Cagalli was just sitting in the lounge, wondering what Athrun was yelling about in the next room.
"...she needs help, your job is to protect her from dangerous people but what she needs right now, is to be protected from herself...".
"We understand that...but the representative has a duty to fulfil, Orb must always come first, she might have needs as a human being but the country has to come first, that's what being a leader means", Sargent Rieke stated plainly.
That boiled Athrun's blood beyond tolerable measures. How could they still want her to not get a break from their grip even after what he just told them. Athrun's fists tightened even more, his knuckles were white already. He felt like punching her but he would never hit a woman, he considered that as cowardice.
"Get out of my apartment!".
"Commander Za-".
"I said get the heck out of my apartment and don't you dare even try to take Cagalli with you or else I'll get you fired for negligence!!!".
"We've never neglected the representative, the security council knows that".
"Well, didn't you just do that today, Sargent, you let her go out alone", Athrun smiled deviously.
"We didn't let her go alone, that's why we entrusted her to you".
"Did you really?...her car is parked at a cliff in the middle of nowhere right now as we speak and it has a gps recording, while your cars' gps records show that you didn't accompany her at all".
"Because she was with you", Sargent Rieke argued, wondering what Athrun was planning.
"Well, I wasn't there, according to my car's gps records, which I deleted as soon as I got here", Athrun's devious smile agitated them, "Now imagine if I were to contact Colonel Kisaka who basically gave you this job and let him him know how you let the representative of Orb go out alone at night during a thunderstorm".
"Commander Zala, that is not true!".
"It's your word against mine".
"Well we have proof that we called you and asked you to accompany her and you agreed".
"And when I got to the Attha Manor, she was already gone and I called you two times after my search for her was all in vain and you didn't even bother to pick up your phone Sargent".
"I was taking a shower!", Sargent Rieke defended herself.
"Taking a shower while the representative is out there alone during a thunderstorm?", Athrun asked.
Sargent Rieke snorted, knowing that she had fallen into his trap.
"Believe me Sargent, I know how to falsify reports and get you and your colleagues fired. Now if you'll please leave my apartment and let Cagalli rest and also don't come looking for her tomorrow because she'll be taking a few days off".
The security details couldn't protest any further because their jobs were now at risk. Athrun was disgusted by that. They cared only about their jobs and not how Cagalli wasn't doing well at all. He closed locked door after they left and went back to the lounge.
He found Cagalli already asleep. He smiled, knowing that she was going to get some rest in peace now. He carefully carried her in his arms and took her to bed. She must have been really tired, he thought.
He watched her as she slept soundly on his bed and that brought back sweet memories. He reminisced of the days he couldn't sleep, just after the first war. The guilt and burden of his father's actions was still fresh and he would think about it the whole night, anxious and hurt over losing both his parents and never feeling close to his father. But whenever he would sneak into Cagalli's room to see if she was awake as well, just the mere sight of her sleeping figure would give him the comfort he needed.
He had felt great pain when he saw that she had taken his ring of, his first instinct was to follow her and ask to talk to her in private but as he approached her, his intuition told him that she didn't take it off because she didn't love him anymore but because there were more important things they had to do first. There were important decisions to make first, before they thought about each other. They had the same dream.
But as time progressed and the second war ended, he started doubting if he was supposed to trust his intuition at all. He had thought that after everything was settled after the second war, they would reconcile. He knew that wearing the ring would have consequences with the public and the cabinet members but she could at least wear it as a necklace.
To add to his confusion, Cagalli deliberately avoided him a lot. She always didn't want to meet him personally during conference meetings like she did with others, she would always ask him to give her the report during a video conference. He had missed her terribly. He had to make it through each day without seeing her for more than five minutes on a video conference call, without being able to touch her or hold her or even see her smile at him and that was really painful for him. However he decided to give her space, if that's what she wanted.
He yawned and looked at the time. It was already 1.14 am. He couldn't afford to sleep at a time like that and the yawning was a sign of something he definitely didn't want at that moment. He decided to make himself some coffee so that he would stay awake and watch over her but Cagalli started stirring and weeping in her sleep.
He got up from his chair and climbed onto the bed. She started turning and tossing violently as she let out faint weeps. He noticed that she was probably having a nightmare and tried to gently shake her a little but she didn't wake up.
"Cagalli ", he called her again, shaking her a little bit more and she drew in a huge gasp as she jerked and sat up.
The speed gave Athrun a shock. She started trembling and hyperventilating with her eyes scaringly wide open.
"Cagalli, it's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you, don't be scared", Athrun pleaded with her while putting his hands in the air.
She started crying, trembling and the hyperventilation increased. She hadn't heard anything he said at all. Before, all Athrun could see in her eyes was nothing. They were emotionless and hard to read but right now something was in her eyes...fear.
"Hey, it's me, Athrun, I'm here and I won't let anyone hurt you, Cagalli," Athrun gently assured her.
"Orb...I c-can't protect O-Orb...I can't let it...burn...ag-gain", Cagalli whispered in between her cries and hyperventilation.
"Cagalli, calm down, Orb isn't gonna burn again, the war is over now", Athrun assured her, slowly reaching for her shoulder.
His heart broke as he realised what was happening here. They had been taught about this during his military training in Zaft . It was a stress induced panic attack and his heart broke even more when he realised that this was probably not the first time she experienced this.
"Just breathe, everything is fine, Orb is fine", Athrun hugged her and stroked her back.
"Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out", Athrun coached her.
About 10 minutes later, Cagalli's hyperventilation had gone down but she was still crying.
"I can't lead Orb, I'll mess everything up, people deserve a better leader", Cagalli cried holding his jacket tightly.
'Is this why she wanted to kill herself?', Athrun asked himself. He controlled himself so that he wouldn't ask the question out loud and start interrogating her while she was in that state.
"You are an amazing leader Cagalli, you've protected Orb and everyone is fine now".
"I'm so sorry", she admitted, hugging him back.
"It's okay, my love, I'm here...", Athrun said involuntarily as he stroked her back to comfort her, "everything is going to be okay".
After a while she had stopped crying and he was still holding her and rocking her side to side like a baby.
"But you need to stop shutting me out Cagalli. You need to share your burden with someone at least", Athrun paused and let her go. He held her face in his hands, "please let me in, you know you can tell me anything that's bothering you".
"Everything", Cagalli broke down again and he took her in his arms.
"shh...shh...shh.., there there...I'm right here, sweetheart, I'm right here", Athrun involuntarily called her the pet names he used to call her when they were still together. Warmth filled his chest as he held her. Having her close to him like that made him feel alive again.
"Let it all out", Athrun urged her with relief. He had known Cagalli to be a person who would motivate others and shut people out when she herself was in pain. He knew that it contributed to her state that day and what she was about to do to herself just a few hours ago.
Athrun fought tears that were threatening to escape from his eyes. He didn't want to cry, he wanted to be grateful that he had saved her but he couldn't help but feel emotional about it. The moment he had seen her point the gun to her head, Junius Seven came back to his mind again.
Seeing Junius Seven ripped to shreds, knowing his mother was there hurt him and he had to live in anger and unbearable pain for a very long time until time started to heal his grief but if Cagalli were to die he didn't think he would even survive the ordeal.
"Everything", Cagalli started, "Everything is not okay".
"Tell me, what exactly do you mean...a-and it's okay if you don't want to answer".
"I don't think I can lead this country Athrun", she sobbed, "I just keep getting this feeling that I will mess up and people will die".
"Hey, it's okay to feel that way Cagalli, everyone feels like that sometimes but nothing bad happens because of that".
"No, I feel it every single day, even if I stop thinking about it and try to be positive, it will still haunt me in my dreams".
"Cagalli-" , he wanted to say something but she cut him.
"I just wanted to end it all", she weeped, "Orb deserves a great leader who won't potentially put them in danger in the future, my father sacrificed himself for this country and it saved it. So if I might potentially put my country in danger some day, maybe I should die-".
"Don't you dare ever say that again!!", Athrun cut her off harshly and then regretted using that tone afterwards. "Cagalli, you a great leader, look at what you've done for your country. You were only 18 years old when you took over the leadership but look at your country now, it's doing weigh better than some countries out there where old men and women are ruling. The success Orb has had is not only because it is already technologically advanced but also because of the good management that you have fostered".
"Just take a look at what happened when Unato and his son took over, in a few weeks the country was in chaos but when you came back Orb became peaceful and prosperous again", Athrun continued.
"But what if one day...what if I make a mistake that ends up killing a lot of people in Orb, just like when I gave power to the Seirans".
"So, you're afraid of making the same mistake you made before".
Cagalli just nodded.
"And if you were to ask yourself why you made that mistake, what would be the answer?", Athrun said letting her go so he could look into her eyes.
She lifted her tear stained face and looked at him. Her skin was pale and her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying. Her nose wasn't spared either but Athrun found her very beautiful in that moment.
"I...", she didn't know how to answer.
"You made that mistake when you had lost trust in yourself ", Athrun said with a gentle look in his eyes, "...just like you're doing right now. You're starting to lose trust in yourself again, which is the exact reason why you made those mistakes during the second war Cagalli".
"But I've heard the ministers complaining about how I'm gonna lead this country the wrong way and that I can never be like my father, that I'm too young to actually know real politics", Cagalli closed her eyes, forcing the tears to stay in.
"But you're doing nothing wrong. Ever since you took on the leadership of Orb, everything has been running smoothly. Everyone is okay and safe...except for you".
Cagalli was shocked to hear that. Everyone is okay and safe, except for her, what did that mean?
"You work so hard to keep everyone safe in your country, but you never stop to take care of yourself. You're worried about making another mistake that'll put Orb in danger because you're back to the state you were when you gave up to the Atlantic Federation during the second war, you're doubting yourself again. And whenever you doubt yourself, you always make mistakes like that...that's why you're scared because you're noticing the signs of self doubt growing inside you and you're afraid that the self doubt will lead you to make bad decisions again".
Cagalli just sat there dumbfounded. He had made her notice a problem that she hadn't even thought was the root cause of her stress and panic attacks. She was not afraid of making another mistake but she was afraid of the self doubt that was starting to grow in her again, just like it did during the second war, which made her make the worst decisions.
The self-doubt had been growing inside her for the previous 6 months. She had been receiving constant pressure to form an alliance with other neutral countries, like the Kingdom of Scandinavia so they wouldn't be forced to be an ally of the Earth Alliance again because they will already be in one. But Cagalli had argued those points stating that even if they form an alligence with another neutral country, they would still be involved in that country's battles if it were to be attacked.
Cagalli had argued that improving Orbs' defence systems and weapons was the only solution to uphold their principles as a nation. And the ministers had argued with her a lot. She had started working even double the work she already had. She had also started taking medication that enhanced her performance and helped her stay awake, and that heavily affected her mental health.
She had pushed through everything until she hit rock bottom.
"You're...right," she nodded.
"You have to learn to take care of yourself, Cagalli. And the most important thing is upholding your nation's ideals no matter what anyone says. Yes, there were people that died during the first war when your father refused to give up to the Earth Alliance...but can you imagine how many people would die if Orb decided to participate in the war?...it could have been weigh worse, hundreds of thousands of people could've died just like in other countries...You're the Chief Representative of Orb, never forget that. You have to do the right thing for your country no matter what the ministers say because some of them have their own agendas in mind".
"Athrun", Cagalli could only say that. He had stated everything that was in her head that she couldn't tell him, but he somehow saw it all.
She threw her arms around his neck, just like the old days. She had never had that much human in a very long time. She had felt so lonely. Most importantly, she had never felt this happy.
Athrun hugged her back tightly. They embraced each other in a very comfortable silence for a while until Cagalli let go awkwardly.
"Uh...um, I need to go now", Cagalli said awkwardly.
"It's almost 2 a.m, you can sleep here and leave in the morning if you want to leave", Athrun said disappointedly.
"I have to go to work in the morning so-".
"You have the rest of the week off".
"What?!"
"I spoke to Kisaka when we were in the car and he agreed to arrange everything for your absence at the office to not disturb anything".
"You spoke to Kisaka, when?".
"When we were in the car, but you obviously didn't hear anything in the state you were in".
"Oh", Cagalli sighed. She didn't assume that she had reached the extent of not hearing anything being said at all.
"But I still need to go home, I don't have any clothes here", Cagalli muttered.
"Don't worry, Kisaka is dropping by in the morning to see you and he's also bringing your personal belongings that can last you for the whole week".
"You mean, I'll be staying here the whole week?!", Cagalli yelled in shock.
"Yes, you have to be as far away from stress as possible and this is the only place we could think of".
She always hated how Kisaka let Athrun make decisions for her all the time. She knew Athrun was intelligent but she didn't like how Kisaka agreed with everything Athrun said, even against her own will.
"I can't stay here for a whole week Athrun, that would be inappropriate, for starters, you only have one bedroom and-".
"I'll be sleeping in the lounge, the couch in there can be transformed into a bed".
"And if Meyrin comes over and finds me here, how will you explain that to her?".
"Meyrin?", Athrun raised his eyebrows, "What does Meyrin have to do with this?".
"Well", Cagalli looked down, trying to hide the sad expression on her face, "She's your... girlfriend".
"Girlfriend?!", Athrun exclaimed in total shock.
There was a momentary silence between them. He wondered why everyone assumed he was with Meyrin romantically.
"That's not true at all", he complained, "Meyrin is just my co-worker, why is everyone assuming that we're in a relationship?".
"Because you're always together and she literally put her own life in danger and abandoned her position in Zaft just for you".
"I believe I already thanked her for that and for what it's worth, I'm always with her AT WORK".
"Well...".
"Cagalli, if you want to avoid me, you can, I won't have a problem with that as long as you're happy but don't try to cover up that fact by accusing me of taking advantage of my subordinate".
"So, you aren't dating her because you're working with her?".
"No, it's because I don't have any feelings for her, I see her just like a distant friend or even a little sister".
"Oh", Cagalli just looked down again.
"Is that why you took it off?".
"Took what off?".
"The ring", Athrun frowned, "you took off the ring because you thought that I somehow had started to date Meyrin?".
"No".
"So then why did you take it off?".
There was a pregnant silence between them.
"Because I wanted to set you free".
"...Set me free?...from what?".
"From me".
Athrun kept quiet in shock.
"I wanted you to be happy".
"And...who said that I wasn't happy?".
"No one but you weren't happy. You just didn't notice it".
"Cagalli-".
"Being with me caused you a lot of problems Athrun, everyone around me didn't like you at all, you had stopped thinking about yourself, at Crete, I had gotten mad after finding out that you had re-enlisted in ZAFT but as time progressed, I realised that I was wrong for getting mad at you. It was your life and you had the right to go wherever you wanted but when we were together, you always felt guilty for doing anything for yourself...I wanted to set you free from all of that".
"And had I been forced to do those things Cagalli?".
"No but-".
"That's right, I wasn't forced to tolerate thise things when I was with you Cagalli. I did everything out of my own will. I CHOSE to stay with you because I love you".
"But you weren't happy".
"I was happy Cagalli...even if your Cabinet looked at me with hate in their eyes, even if your nanny doesn't like me, I love you, and that's what matters. Being with you is what makes me happy, not re-enlisting in ZAFT, I only did that because I thought I could protect you more as a soldier than as a mere bodyguard".
Athrun leaned closer to her, bringing his lips to hers and captured them. He kissed her passionately, devouring the taste of her. The taste he had missed so much in the 9 months they weren't together.
He slipped his hands under the hoodie she was wearing and traced lazy circles on her bare and soft back skin, sending shivers down Cagalli's spine. She moaned putting her hands around Athrun's neck and pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.
Cagalli felt waves of desire flash through her body as her and Athrun's tongues collided. They fought for dominance and as always Athrun won. He moved from her lips and traced kisses down her jaw, her ear and her neck, biting and sucking on her sensitive spots. She moaned even louder when he reached her collarbone.
He eventually stopped and looked into her eyes.
"Cagalli...", he hesitated.
"Athrun".
"Will you marry me?".
"Eh?!", Cagalli exclaimed in shock, "M-marry...you?".
"Yes, but first do you still love me?".
"I love you more than anything but you know it's impossible for us to get married due to the circumstances".
"I know", he grinned, "but we can get married when retire, no matter how long we have to wait, even if we get married 60 years from now, I don't care, as long as we're together".
"Uh...".
He took out a box from his side drawer and opened it and there was Cagalli's ring, the one she had locked away.
"Cagalli Yula Attha, will you marry me?".
"...Y-yes", Cagalli smiled, "yes, I'll marry you Athrun".
She kissed him hungrily and he kissed her back. They later stopped for air.
"I love you, Athrun and I want to be with you again".
She had been worried, thinking that he wasn't happy when they were together but he assured her that day that he couldn't have been happier. She had removed his ring with great regret and pain but she thought it was the best decision to make for both of them. She had suffered great pain for losing him unbeknownst to her that he was suffering too.
"I love you too Cagalli, more than you know".
They embraced for a while until Cagalli broke it off to ask a question.
"Is that my ring, the one I had-".
"Locked up in a drawer in your office, yes it is the one".
"How did you find it?".
"I have my ways".
He slipped the ring on her finger. From that day, they promised each other that they would never let go of each other again no matter how hard things became. They chose to fight together in every battle.
End Of Flashback
Athrun opened the door to his apartment and tiredly walked inside. The sight of the the dirty dishes in the sink made him even more tired.
He regretted not letting Cagalli help him with the dishes as she had offered to thank him for cooking dinner for her. Now he had to do them alone.
Cagalli got undressed and headed to the bathroom. She slowly got into the tub filled with water, devouring the smell of scented candles and bath foam. It was very relaxing. It was always as if the bath would make her forget all the problems in her life and the world when she took warm baths.
The only thing she was missing that would help her relax even more in the moment was Athrun's cuddles. A warm bath plus Athrun's cuddles and gentle caresses would be paradise. But she shook off the inappropriate thought.
They weren't married, so that was inappropriate to think about. Then she suddenly remembered something.
"What 'indecent thoughts' was the enemy pilot talking about anyway? ", Cagalli asked the question out loud.