"Hey Cas, can I borrow the truck for a few days?" Sam asked as he walked into the kitchen. The smell of bacon and pancakes filled the air. Dean was wearing an apron and flipping the next batch of pancakes when he looked up at Sam.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked as a worried crease appeared on his forehead, concern staring back at him.

"I'm fine Dean, I just want to go visit Mom and Jessica. It's the least that I could do," Sam stated.

"Just give me a half hour to pack and we can leave," Dean stated.

"Thanks for offering, but I want to be alone right now. So, Cas, the truck?"

"What's mine is yours. Take care of yourself, Sam," Cas stated as he walked up and hugged him. He handed him the keys and then sat back down at the table.

"Where's Bobby? I wanted to say goodbye to him before I left," Sam stated.

"He's out on a hunt. Does this sudden need for a solo road trip have anything to do with Lucifer being responsible for what happened to Mom and Jess? Did you ask him about it in your dream?" Dean asked.

"Yep, I confronted him. You were right about him, about everything, but I can't share the details of the conversation with you right now. I'm not lying to cover for him or anything, it's just,..it's too much and I can't" Sam said as his voice broke betraying the emotion that he was trying so hard to bury.

"It's okay Sammy, if you need me for anything, just call, okay?"

"I will," Sam said. He hugged Dean, picked up the keys, and then left.

"Cas," Dean stated and then looked at the angel.

"I'm on it Dean. I won't let your brother be alone right now," Cas stated and then disappeared.

XOXOXO

"What's wrong Lucifer?" Gabriel asked as his brother appeared in his hotel suite.

"Sam hates me," Lucifer explained as his eyes filled with tears. He had never really cried before he had met Sam and now with the break, he couldn't keep the annoying tears from forming.

"Is that what he told you?" Gabriel asked as he snapped his fingers and two glasses filled with whiskey appeared.

"No, but you should have seen his face. I know what hatred looks like Gabe, hell, I probably invented the damn emotion in the first place. I can take his hatred, after all, I earned it, but the thing that worries me is I know that he has just as much hatred for himself as he does for me, maybe even more," Lucifer explained and then drank the whiskey.

"I know I'm a mind reader, but I can't read yours with all the defensive shields you have in place, so you're going to have to walk me through it," Gabriel stated.

"Sam knows that I'm responsible for his mom and his girlfriend's death. Dean told him that Azazel was working for me. Sam confronted me, so I told him that although I didn't order Mary's death, I was still responsible for it because I told the demon that he had to give Sam his gift no matter what."

"And Jessica?"

"I ordered her death. I admit, I was jealous, but she had to go because if she had lived, Sam would have never left school, but it was more than that. I had to kill them, both of them, it was always going to be that way. Dad wrote it that way in his story," Lucifer explained.

"Oh…I know how impossible it is to go against Dad's written word."

"I tried to change the story for Mary, I had Azazel give her a deal. She was supposed to stay away, but she didn't. She interfered, so Azazel killed her. Nothing I did changed anything, she still ended up dead."

"Did you tell Sam about Dad's stories?" Gabriel asked.

"I owned up to killing Mary and Jessica, but I couldn't tell him that I had no choice. It would have sounded like a lame excuse. He wouldn't have wanted to hear it. So now he hates me and I've been banished from his dreams."

"For how long?"

"A week, maybe more."

"Sounds like I need to take this time to teach the boys the lesson that we talked about."

"I don't know Gabe, Sammy is in a vulnerable spot right now."

"That's why it's the perfect time to play a trick or two on him. He will be more perceptive to the lessons if he's vulnerable."

"Maybe you're right. I don't want him to say yes to me or to forgive me because the gravitational bond between us is too strong or because it's written by Dad. I want him to want to say yes. I need for it to be his decision. Please just use kid gloves with them. Sam's under a lot of pressure right now, I don't want him to hurt himself. He's the most important person in my life. If anything ever took him away from me…I wouldn't survive that."

"I know Luci. I have a bond with Sam as well. I feel like Sam and Dean are my brothers. You can trust Sam with me. I won't let anything happen to him."

"I think that while you are helping Sam make the right choice, I should learn a lesson of my own," Lucifer stated as he pulled out a vial and his pocket knife and ran it across his throat. He felt all of his powers drain as his grace filled the vial.

"What are you doing?" Gabriel asked.

"I think I need to know what it feels like to be human. I've spent so much time hating the little hairless monkeys, but maybe that would change if I walked a mile in their shoes, and who knows maybe this sad little world will be a better place without the devil. I'll be back in a week for that, so take care of my grace and Sam."

"I will, take care of yourself," Gabriel stated and then he hugged his brother.

XOXOXO

It had been a long car ride for Cas. Car rides were slow enough as it was but staying silent and invisible for the journey made it so much worse. Sam didn't know that he had tagged along so there was no conversation to help pass the time. Maybe it would have been better if Sam had turned on the radio, but he kept it off for the journey. Sam had gotten a hotel room after 12 hours of driving. He emptied the mini bar in the fridge and then passed out. Cas thought about reading Sam's mind, but he didn't want to further violate his need for privacy. He felt bad enough that he was being the invisible stalker, but he was doing this for Sam and Dean,

Sam had always had bouts of depression, and Cas worried that the stress of finding out what Lucifer did was going to push him over the edge, it's the only reason that he had tagged along.

Sam woke up early, apparently not letting the hangover keep him from his mission. They drove the rest of the way. Sam stopped at a floral shop and bought some bouquets and then they continued their journey.

Cas stood behind Sam as he laid the flowers at Mary's gravesite. "I'm sorry Mom," Sam said breaking the silence that had lasted for a little more than 24 hours. "Sometimes I wonder what your life would have been like if I had never been born. If I wasn't born, Azazel would have never been in that nursery. You might even still be alive. You and Dad and Dean, the three of you a happy family."

Cas stepped forward when he heard Sam wishing away his life. He wanted to pull Sam in for a protective, loving hug and never let him go, but instead, he had to stay silent and invisible.

"Lucifer admitted that he was mostly responsible for your death because he wanted to give me demon blood as a gift. I should hate him...I want to hate him for what he did to you and I do in part, but I still love him as well. It's sick and a betrayal to you, I know that, but I can't break the connection to him," Sam added.

"That being said, I won't say yes, I'll kill myself first. I know Lucifer said that he would just bring me back, but I think that I found a way to make it permanent," Sam whispered as he laid down the bouquet.

Cas let out a loud gasp which caused Sam to look around the cemetery. There was nothing so he returned his focus to the headstone.

"Love you, mom. I'll find a way to make it up to you," Sam said.

Sam got back in the car to drive a few more hours to where Jess had been buried. This time Cas merged his consciousness with Sam's. He wished he didn't have to do this, but if Sam was planning on killing himself, he needed to figure out how and where. Finding information from a human mind was tricky. There was a lot of guilt in Sam's mind, a lot of hatred and anger and pain. Sam's mind had a lot of information as well. It was like a well-stocked library that had books and books of information about anything you could ever want to know. Cas pulled out a book and began to read, hoping that he would find the information in time.

Cas felt the car come to a stop so he left Sam's mind, but left the connection open.

Cas once again stood silently and invisible behind Sam. He watched Sam kneel at Jess's grave. "I'm sorry Jess. I never told you about the supernatural. I had visions of your death for weeks, but I stayed silent because I didn't want to be a freak, I also thought that maybe I was having nightmares because I loved you and I was afraid to lose you like I lost my mom. If I had never been born, would you be a lawyer, practicing law, married with children of your own? You could have been so happy Jess, but I was born and you had the misfortune of loving me. I'm a poison Jess, everything I touch…I destroy. Lucifer told me that he gave me visions of your death so I could stop it if I wanted to. He told me that I subconsciously chose him, and I think that he was right. I did love you, but I loved him more. I'm going to make things right for you Jess," Sam said and then laid down the roses.

Sam got back into the car and drove away.