PRESENT
WUNDER, LIVING QUARTERS
Jesus, she was a mess.
Here she was, alone in her small room that she shared with Mari.
A lot had been on her mind the past few days, and she didn't know what to do about it.
And of course, that stupid brat wouldn't get out of her head.
Why the Hell couldn't she get him out of her head?
Her inner conscience spoke for her.
Really? After all this time you can't admit that you care for him?
That's not true.
Oh really? Then why are you sitting here thinking about him?
I'm not.
Sure you aren't.
God, her inner mind was annoying.
Fine. Maybe I do care about him. But what does that matter now?
She swallowed as the image of his sullen face after the fourth impact came to mind.
Tears threatened to escape.
She held them back.
No. She wouldn't cry over what they did.
We had to do what we did. It was necessary for the mission.
Spoken like a true soldier. Tch. And you call Rei a doll.
She hated that it was right. She let herself live under the peaceful delusion that everything they had done was for the greater good.
But considering the current state of the world, that seemed like bullshit in retrospect.
Why can't I just move on from him?
Because you know what you did was wrong. You remember the trials, no?
She remembered them. She remembered how to nearly everyone's shock, he had pleaded for the death penalty.
She also remembered the disappointed look he had worn when it was shot down.
"Why the hell did he ask for that?" She had muttered it to no one, she was alone in the room.
She already knew the answer to that. And she hated how it involved her.
The bomb collar. The sheer hatred he had been met with at his return. The way Misato had treated him.
The lack of explanation for what the hell was going on.
The way she had treated him, immediately trying to attack him upon his return, and seemingly downright hating him after fourth impact.
She had told him she wanted him dead.
She couldn't hold back the sobs that followed. Her body betraying her mind.
Attempting and failing to muffle her sobs, her breathing increased, as the full weight of her actions returned.
She stood up a moment later and ran to the bathroom, her stomach contents deciding they wanted out.
She held her hands around the bowl and panted afterwards, tears still falling.
She hated this feeling.
"Why? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I control this? Why does he still effect me this much?"
It's because of a little something called guilt. Glad to see you finally realized how to feel it.
She would have argued, but she was too tired to. And she knew the other was right.
She had been an absolute monster to him.
Was she justified somewhat? Maybe. But she had gone too far.
She flushed the toilet and went to the sink, washing her face and wiping off any remnants of vomit.
A whistle caught her attention.
"Damn, you look like shit."
"Thanks for the compliment."
"My pleasure."
Mari stood behind her and leaned against the doorway to the small bathroom, crossing her arms.
"Let me guess, it's about the puppy."
Maybe it was the exhaustion from crying, but she didn't bother to argue this time around.
"Yeah."
The other pursed her lips in thought, before strolling over to her bunk and plopping down, patting the spot next to her.
Heaving a sigh, the redhead obliged, sitting down a moment later next to the girl.
"Now, tell big sis what's going in that brain of yours."
"It's none of your business."
"It kind of is."
"And why do you care?"
"Because we're family."
"Family? Only thing we have in common is a father who couldn't keep his dick in his pants."
The other winced, heaving a sigh. Asuka quickly realized her mistake.
"Sorry, you know I didn't really mean that."
The other remained silent for a moment before speaking.
"You're still upset over puppy boy huh?"
The other narrowed her eyes, but broke the glare after a moment, not having the energy to keep the angry facade up.
"Yeah. I suppose I am."
"Wanna tell me why?"
"I don't know."
"I think you know, you just don't want to admit it."
"Maybe."
Mari hummed in agreement, thinking a moment before speaking once again.
"Let me guess, you feel bad about the puppy being the way he is now, and feel guilty about what you did, despite being told it was the right thing to do. Anything I got wrong?"
The redhead stared at her in shock, before shaking her head and chuckling.
"Shit, am I really that easy to read?"
"Yes ma'am."
Mari pulled her into a one armed hug, much to the others chagrin.
"If you feel bad, then fix it."
"It's not that simple."
"I'm pretty sure that boy would rather shoot himself than hold a grudge. I'm sure he'll forgive you once we find him."
"Find him? Why would he come back willingly?"
Asuka narrowed her eyes as the other only responded with a smirk.
"You know something I don't. Spill."
The other threw her hands up in mock surrender.
"Okay, fine. I, how do you say, overhead tha-"
"Snooped in on."
She waved away the accusation before continuing.
"Yes, but that doesn't matter. Anyway, I overheard that apparently, they plan to strike a deal with him."
She hadn't heard about this one.
"What kind of deal?"
"Well apparently, thanks to both of our toys being out of commission for the time being, they want to reactivate Unit 01 and have him as a pilot."
Wait, what?
"That's crazy. Letting him in control of the unit again?"
It was the others turn to glare.
"And what, you don't trust him?"
She faltered, not knowing what to say.
"Yes! No! Ugh, I don't know!"
She threw up her hands in exasperation.
"We'll worry about that when it happens. For now, lets focus on finding the puppy."
"Would he even want to pilot? He was never that good in the first place."
"Well with his current experience, he'll likely be much better than before."
"What do you mean?"
The other turned to her, a confused expression on her face.
"Oh you didn't know?"
She shook her head.
"There's rumors floating around that the puppy boy was responsible for the arrest of those SEELE dudes."
What?
She would normally have dismissed it as a stupid rumor, but then again, the crew hated him. Why would they spread a good rumor about him?
So dumbfounded, she didn't even notice the other head into the bathroom and begin to shower.
She couldn't believe it. How the hell could that cowardly boy be behind that?
But she also knew Mari wasn't one to lie, and had no reason to.
A pang of worry built up in her chest at the possibility that when they met, he would be nothing like how she remembered.
She hoped they would find him soon.
EARTH
BORDER BETWEEN ITALY AND FRANCE
He could really use some painkillers right about now.
He sat down on the rickety chair in front of the medicine cabinet mirror.
It was cracked, but it would have to do.
He pulled the sleeve of the shirt up, glancing at the wound.
Yep, that was definitely gonna need stitches.
The grazing wound had managed to cut deep enough to hit the fat layer, the yellow easily visible against his pale flesh.
He decided now would be a better time than never, and pulled out a cigarette with his good arm, pocketing the pack before lighting it.
He pulled off the rest of the shirt and reached for the small nylon pouch on the counter in front of him.
Looking at the mirror, he couldn't help but notice the now many discolored spots, a mix of new and old bruises dotting his chest and stomach.
Nor could he ignore the scars. Far too many of them, the pale lines easily visible on his lightly tanned skin.
Grabbing a water bottle, he poured some clean water over the wound, hoping that would be enough to prevent infection.
A needle was produced, a line of suture tied to it.
Painkillers would be really nice right about now.
It took a while, only using one hand, but after 30 minutes he tied off the last strand, snipping off the excess. This wasn't exactly his first rodeo either.
He got up off the chair and stumbled onto the nearby couch, a cloud of dust as he let his full bodyweight hit it.
He ignored the phantom in the corner leering at him.
God, he was tired.
His shoulder throbbed, the lack of stimulation meaning his mind could fully focus on the pain in his arm.
He closed his eyes, attempting to and failing to enjoy the brief moment of quiet.
Why do you still do this?
Because I have to.
And do you think they would want you to do this?
He didn't bother answering, instead opting to grab a spare shirt.
That doesn't matter, I have to do this now. I've chosen my path.
They'll stop you eventually. You've seen the increase in search parties. They know you're out there. One of these days your luck is going to run out.
And if I fail, well then that won't be much different from most of what I've done.
You could let them help you.
No. I've hurt them enough. They don't care anymore anyway.
His eyes glossed over as he began to daydream, thinking back to better days.
And how he had been the reason it was now all gone.
He didn't care if this mission of his ended with him in a bodybag or not.
All he seemed to be good at now was hurting those around him anyway.