The heat in Dr. Huang's living room enveloped her. She felt safe here. The shaking was starting to get better. The doctor was watching her intently as she rocked herself back and forth.

"I looked out for him." She whispered. "I would have done anything for him."

"He came over to your apartment." Dr. Huang said. "And he was drunk. Did this upset you?"

"No." Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "No not all."

"When did this happen?" He asked. "Tonight?"

"No." She smiled beneath her tears now. "No this was last year when Sonja Paxton was the ADA."

The psychiatrist frowned.

"We saw each other at least once a week." She confessed. "And we were always drinking."

Chapter 2: Draw the line

I tell myself, tell myself, tell myself, "Draw the line"
And I do, I do
But once in a while I trip up, and I cross the line
And I think of you

"Never Really Over" - Katy Perry [Smile]

"I hate Sonja Paxton." Elliot muttered and beside him I laughed.

"Really? I had no idea."

He chuckled and took a swig from his beer. We were at my place again. He had showed up basically sober after another long day. I had already started drinking wine before he had arrived.

We were on the couch, the blue blanket he usually slept with was folded next to me neatly. I was neater now than I had been for a long time. I wanted the apartment to look nice for him. I wanted him to feel comfortable here. Especially after the last few days.

"Are you still in pain?" I asked eyeing him cautiously.

"Nah." He set the bottle down. "It's fine."

I was elated he was here. I had been out of my mind with worry when the call had come in. And then he had gone into prison for three days.

"Elliot, why wasn't Kathy at the hospital?" I asked getting to the point immediately. This question had been weighing on me heavily. "You were..." I took a deep breath. It was shuddering and I gripped my wine glass tighter. "You were thrown off a roof."

"Just another day at the office, Liv." He chuckled but I couldn't bring myself to smile. In fact I felt tears threaten to spill from my eyes.

At home, on my couch in my sweats I was unable to keep up my bad-ass-persona. The walls were coming down.

"You ok?" My partner asked, turning to me. "Hey, Liv, come on..." He set his bottle down moving closer to me.

"I got a call from Cragen telling me you were in a hospital because Donovan threw you off a roof." I blinked her tears away. "You don't know...how...how worried I was."

"I am fine." He muttered touching my arm briefly and then pulling back. "Honestly, solitary was worse than the fall."

The fall.

Those words triggered something inside of me and I drank another sip.

"But where was your wife?" I whispered and couldn't stop myself from sounding judgmental.

"My wife was at home with our toddler and teens, Liv." He muttered. "I spoke to her on the phone, told her she didn't need to come in. I left the hospital pretty quickly if you recall."

"I do."

Because I had been there, I had been by his side, trying to soothe him while he was in pain, seething with anger that someone had dared to hurt him.

"And what about the hole?" I asked. "Did Kathy know where you were?"

"She did." He picked up his bottle again. "She was pissed, saying I was leaving her all alone."

I didn't respond, I just hugged herself tighter, feeling cold in my own apartment.

"I did leave her alone, but I had to know." His blue eyes locked with mine. My heart was racing in my chest. "I had to know how solitary really was for him. I had to understand what made him react to me like that."

I nodded. "I get it, El. But you need to talk to Kathy about these things too. You have to let her in."

"I know." He sighed. "But how can I?"

I didn't respond. I picked up my wine and clinked it against his beer. None of us had an answer to his question. We were the only two people who understood the terrors we saw at work day to day. We ourselves were the only ones who knew what it was like.

And that's why he came by so often.

That's why it was ok.

"It was an emotional affair." Dr. Huang realized, voicing what Olivia couldn't. She was still rocking back and forth.

"You were both very invested."

She nodded.

There was no other way of describing it.

"When did it become physical?" The FBI agent asked directly and Olivia blushed.

He had known immediately, he had never questioned whether not the two partners had crossed that line. The only question was when it had happened.

"It took some time." She whispered, unable to meet his eyes.

"Olivia, I am not judging you." He sat down on the coffee table opposite her. "I can see that you are very distressed and I want to know what happened to you."

She wanted to cry right there and then.

"I'm right here" The psychiatrist said calmly. " And I'm not going anywhere. Tell me your story and take all the time you need."

The knock on the door didn't surprise me. But today I didn't feel like I had it in myself to be his shoulder to cry on. Being called into court like that, being forced to humiliate Sonya Paxton like that..

I missed my mother.

Eliott knocked on the door again.

I wanted to ignore it, pretend like I wasn't home.

"Liv?" He called from outside. "Are you there?"

I sighed.

It was time to face the music.

"Hey El." I swung the door open to the familiar sight of Elliot Stabler standing outside my apartment door.

"Are you ok?" He asked without preemble.

"I..." The direct way he spoke to me threw me off guard. "I don't know." I finally said.

"Can I come in?"

"Are you drunk?"

A small smile appeared on his face. "No, do you want me to use a breathalyzer?"

"That's not funny." I sighed and stepped back to let him in.

"Sorry." He muttered as he took off his jacket. He did it with ease and that made me smile. With absolute self-confidence and ease he sat down on the sofa. "I know I said I hated Sonja, but I didn't want this to happen to her."

"I know." I sat down beside him. "I really hope she makes a recovery."

"Me too." He looked at me and it was all in his eyes. I could tell what was going on in his mind. He knew me well enough to understand how I was feeling, so I said:

"I went to visit my mum's grave today."

"Good." He nodded.

"I think in hindsight, if she had gotten the help she needed..." I looked up the ceiling, breathing calmly. I didn't want to cry in front of him. "I don't know, maybe if she had gone to rehab at least once she might still be alive today. If...if someone had pushed her harder."

He gave me a look I knew all too well. "You mean you? If you had pushed her?"

I shrugged. "I was her only daughter. She was my responsibility."

"It's not your fault, Olivia. You know that."

I almost laughed. "Do I?"

"Oh come on." He nudged me gently. "I'm not allowed to blame myself for all the crap going wrong right now, but you are?"

"Speaking of." I didn't want to talk about my mother any longer. "How are things with Kathy?"

"I'm sleeping on the sofa." He said and I couldn't look at him any longer. "She's always pissed at me, Liv. I don't know why. It doesn't matter what I do. She's mad when I'm at work, she's mad when I'm home."

"I'm sorry."

Although the topic was touchy because of the downfall of Sonja Paxton I said: "Do you want a beer?"

"Always." He muttered and followed me into the kitchen. As I opened the fridge he scoffed.

"Are you kidding me? There's no food in here. Just beer."

"I'm never home to eat." I nudged him. "You know that, we usually eat together at work."

"But what if you get sick?"

I opened his bottle and handed it to him. "I don't get sick."

Elliot laughed. "You're amazing, Liv."

I knew he was joking, but I couldn't stop the whirlwind of emotions cursing through me at these words. I drank a sip of beer. It was a difficult game we were playing here. The alcohol helped calm me down.

It was getting harer and harder to keep myself in line.

"Do you think Alex will come back?" He asked as we sat down on the sofa again.

"I don't know, I hope so."

"Me too." He drank a sip and looked at me intently again. Whenever we were alone in my apartment we were just Elliot and Olivia. We weren't cops and we didn't have a place to be. There were no interruptions, no orders from Cragen, it was just us.

"What?"

I asked, feeling self-conscious under his warm gaze.

"I'm sorry I vanished last night. With Sonja. I left you hanging."

"No you didn't." I drank another sip, hoping to convey how glad I was for his apology. He had just turned around and abandoned me with her.

"I was so mad at her, Liv. I couldn't deal with a drunk ADA and I let you do it, I'm sorry."

"I left ten minutes after you did." I said. "Don't worry about it."

"Ok."

"Do you want to sleep here tonight?" Asking him this question wasn't that unusual. His home-life was exhausting. It happened every now and then that he crashed on my sofa. Sometimes he was too drunk to drive home. When I woke up in the mornings he was gone. We would meet at the precint and never talk about it.

"Yeah." He gave me a small smile. "If you'll have me."

I joked, mirroring his words.

"Always."

Thank you for following! Guys, lets start rating mondays from 1 (there's no coffee in the house) to 10 (the apartment is on fire). My Mondy so far is a 7. Please make it better by reviewing and telling me what you think :)