Dr. Huang was surprised.

The way that he had judged both Olivia and Elliot he wouldn't have thought the married catholic man was going to be the one to make the first move.

Despite the empty look in her eyes Olivia had smiled when she'd said Elliot had confessed his feelings for her.

Whatever had happened to her, whateber had happened between the two partners, Huang could tell how sincere her love for him was. How real these feelings were.

"Tell me." He said. "Tell me what happened when he came to your door."

Chapter 5: You

It's you

It's you
It's all for you.

Everything I do.

I tell you all the time.

Heaven is a place on earth with you.

"Video Games" – Lana Del Ray [Born to Die – The Paradise Edition]

"If you show up to work I'll have you arrested."

I was pissed.

The nerve of Cragen!

Telling me to stay home like some helpless civilian. Dismissing me like that.

I was going crazy with loneliness.

What should I do for two days?!

Elliot was home with his wife, Munch and Fin had gone out for drinks and asked me to join, but I couldn't.

William Lewis was a sadistic rapist and a murderer and he was free. He could roam whatever city he wanted and do whatever he wanted. He had tortured and murdered Alice Parler.

He had gotten away.

Again.

I was fuming,

I'd gone shopping before going home, but I'd lost my appetite.

I wanted to punch something, I wanted to kick and scream and fight.

Then a knock on the door interrupted my seething.

"Liv? It's me." There was a pause. "Elliot."

He sounded strange.

I swung the door open.

He was wearing jeans and a black shirt and his leather jacket. His face-expression was strange. Open. Emotional.

I stepped back and he came inside.

I didn't ask him how he was or if something had happened. I should have called him to come over. Shouldn't have let him go home.

The only person in the entire world who understood just how upset I was was Elliot Stabler.

But he had been so busy with his wife and kids lately I didn't feel like I could have called him.

He walked to the couch, but he didn't sit down. He was nervous.

"A serial murder rapist is walking the streets. He likes to torture his victims on end and he has the entire juridical system wrapped around his little finger." He started pacing and watching my own wrath in someone else made me calm down. I sat down on the sofa, pulling my legs up to sit cross-legged and watched him.

"This piece of shit is free to hurt as many women as he likes, we taught him that he can get away with it. He is dangerous, vile, out of control. And do you know what I can't stop thinking about?"

His daughters.

I couldn't say that though, because he sat down on the coffee table right in front of me and stared into my eyes.

"You."

There was something soft in his blue eyes. I'd seen it every now and then. When he was talking about his kids, when he comforted a victim, but he'd never looked at me like this.

"All I can think about is you, Olivia Benson." He reached out to push a strand of my hair away from my face and I froze, incapable of moving even an inch. "About how you are feeling."

I swallowed and he pulled his hand back.

"I told you I missed you and you didn't say it back." He laughed but it was humourless. "That kept me up all night, you know."

"Are you drunk?" I whispered because it was the only thing I could think of that would explain his behavior.

"No." He whispered back. "No I didn't have a drink all day. I just had to see you tonight, Liv. I had to know if you...if we're ok."

"We are." I whispered and moved away from him, trying to put some distance between us, distance we both needed so badly.

"Really?" He said with a smile so sad it tugged at my heart. "Because we're both miserable. How is that ok?"

"Is this about Lewis?" I asked. "Alex can re-try him. We will get him eventually."

"Not it's not about Lewis." He said. "It's about us."

I felt warm all over and stood up shaking. "El, you need to go. You need to go home." I took a shaky breath. "To your wife."

"My marriage is over, Olivia."

I closed my eyes, tears were threatening to escape from my eyes.

"Does Kathy know that?"

"Of course."

"But you didn't...you stopped coming over. I thought..."

"I tried to make it work and so did she. But there's no point." I could hear him coming closer. "Because I don't love her anymore." There is a silence in which we both hold our breaths.

"I love you." He finally said and I turned around to him.

He wasn't drunk, he was full of emotion, looking at me with an open expression. He had come here to tell me this.

"Liv?" He whispered and the vulnerability in his voice almost had me falling apart right there.

"I love you too." As soon as I said these words his face lit up, but I backed away.

Elliot stopped and looked at me. Clearly giving me control of the situation.

"You should talk to Kathy." I said and he smiled softly.

"Why are you trying to repair my broken marriage? I'm here. I want to be with you."

"I want that too." I said and was so proud of myself of how steady I sounded. "More than anything, but you can't be here, El. You need to talk to her, explain the situation. I'm not..." I cleared my throat, all steadiness gone. "I'm not some rebound, ok?"

"Of course not." He sounded hurt that I would even think of this term. "Liv, you're my partner, you're my every–"

"Stop." I interrupted him. "Please. We need to...we need to postpone this until..." I couldn't say what so clearly needed to be said, but as usual Elliot understood me perfectly.

"Until I've asked Kathy for a divorce." He said and I nodded grateful that it was he who used the ugly word, it was him who took responsibility.

"Yeah." My heart was hammering so hard in my chest I was sure it was going to explode. "Cragen sent me home for two days, so I'll be here." My eyes met his and I was sure he could read me just as well as I was reading him. "Come back as soon as you can." I took a deep breath and released it in a sigh with only one word: "Please."

"I will, I promise."

I led the way to the door. The entry way into my apartment was small, but in that moment it was tiny. I reached for the doorknob at the same time he did. Our hands touched and any form of control we'd had went straight out the window.

The second my skin touched his electricity flared between us and he pulled me hard against him kissing me.

Elliot Stabler was kissing me.

And it was so earth shattering I clung to him the way a drowning man clings to whatever can keep him above the water's surface.

My knees shook and I fell against him, steadying myself against his strong biceps. The biceps I had seen so many times over the years. The arms that had rocked five children to sleep were currently wrapped around me tightly.

His mouth was hot and urgent against mine and I loosened my grip on his forearms giving him more range. His hands swept along my torso, pulling me closer towards him. The way he cupped certain areas and seemed to know just how much pressure to apply as he hands traveled across my body... it was almost like we had done this a million times.

"Liv." He gasped and when he broke the kiss we both were breathing heavily. He leaned his forehead against mine, looking deep into my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too." I laughed feeling so free for the first time in my life. "You have no idea how much."

Elliot pulled me into another kiss and I started pushing him towards the couch, away from the door and he pulled me with him.

His shirt was the first clothing item to go.

When he started unbuttoning my blouse I was shaking with anticipation. We were on the floor on the carpet. We hadn't quite made it to the couch.

"Is this ok?" He whispered as he bent over me.

I almost laughed. This was so much more than ok. But I knew he needed to hear me give consent.

"Yes."

He kissed me again and more and more clothing was strewn across my apartment. Elliot was so intense and considerate with everything he did. When he asked for my permission to go down on me I almost came undone just from the sheer desperation and begging in his voice.

No one had ever treasured me the way that Elliot did.

It was the most intense experience I'd ever had.

Afterward we lay on the floor. My head was resting on his chest, his arms were around my waist keeping me in a tight embrace. The blanket that I had secretly labeled his blanket was covering both of us.

We were catching our breaths quietly when he chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"I was just thinking, how funny it is that we didn't even manage to get the couch."

I laughed too. "We didn't even try to get to the bedroom."

He kissed the side of my head. "The bedroom sounds pretty good right about now."

"Elliot." I whispered, sitting up so I could look at him. "You don't have to stay."

This caused him to roll his eyes as he sat up as well, leaning against the sofa to prop himself up. "Of course I'm staying. Cragen sent me home for two days as well, believe me I'm not going anywhere."

"What about–"

"She's with her parents this weekend, she took the kids." He gently ran his fingers over my cheek. "We can use these two days to figure out how we're going to make this work."

I closed my eyes almost instinctively at his touch. When I opened them again he was looking at me with that open and honest expression.

"You're sure you want to make this work?"

His answer was another deep kiss that had my head spinning.

For the second time we did manage to go to the bedroom. We took our time, anticipating what the other needed, learning each other's body language with absolute precision.

Elliot fell asleep with his arms wrapped around me tightly. I was enveloped in his smell and the utter feeling of him.

He loved me and I loved him.

It was supposed to be one of the best moments in my life. I was supposed to be lying here as peacefully as he was.

But sleep didn't find me.

I was terrified.