"Wow." Dr. Huang said and as he said it, he wasn't even sure why he was surprised. "Olivia, that's amazing."

"He's my kid." She said with a smile that blew him away. "We belong together."

A smile spread on his own face. Despite everything that had happened and all that she had lost, Olivia Benson had found happiness.

His heart swelled at the sight of her and he wanted to stand up right now, see the coffee-shop she worked in, meet the people she called her best friends, talk to the boy who was her son.

But Dr. George Huang had been a psychiatrist for a long time, he knew the haunted look in Olivia's eyes.

He knew that there was more coming and as he had done once before three years ago, he needed to let her tell her story in her own pace.

Two Years Ago

Chapter 18: I Remember It All Too Well

I still remember the first fall of snow

And how it glistened as it fell

I remember it all too well

"All Too Well (10 Minute Version)" - Taylor Swift [Red [Taylor's Version]]

I flinched when Cindy dropped yet another mug. Hope looked up from the pile of books she was re-pricing and looked at me with a questioning gaze.

I shrugged.

Ever since she had started working here Cindy had been nothing less than a perfect worker. Sometimes there was what would be considered 'rude', but that just her personality and most regulars knew this. She was good at what she did.

She wasn't headless or clumsy.

I crouched down beside her to help her pick up the broken pieces.

"Cindy?" I asked. "Are you ok?"

"I'm not using again!" She declared with large eyes.

"Ok." I said as I straightened up and wiped my hands on my apron. "You seem nervous."

Her gaze flickered towards the door and the back at me. There was a panic in her eyes I knew all too well.

"Cindy." It didn't happen often that I actually used what Calvin had labelled my 'cop-voice' but sometimes the detective in me woke up, ready for action. "What's wrong?"

"I'm uh...I'm seeing my step-dad everywhere."

"He followed you here?" Detective Benson was unleashed. I was ready to find this guy and get justice for poor Cindy. I would beat the crap of him.

"No." She began rubbing her temple. "No I mean, I see him everywhere. His face. I can't sleep, I have nightmares, whenever I'm in class I think I see his face before me..."

Her words sent a shiver down my spine.

"I get it." I whispered, because I didn't want Hope to listen in on our conversation. "I have times likes those too."

She looked up at me with large watery eyes. "Really? You seem so put together."

I almost laughed and began putting the broken pieces into the bin. We'd only piled them on the counter for now.

"I have good and bad days." I finally said. "But that's completely normal. Sexual assault..." I took a shuddering breath. "It's traumatic. Your mind and soul need time to heal."

"Yeah." She muttered now, rubbing her arms as if she were cold.

My eyes flickered to Hope who was muttering to herself as she was still busy with the books. There were two customers in the small space and they were both wearing headphones.

"For me." I whispered. "Stress is a trigger. If there's a lot going on, then I start getting more flashbacks and nightmares."

Like when Hope and T-Bone had both been on vacation for an entire week and I'd been responsible for taking care of the store by myself.

Or when Calvin had gotten into a fight at school and Rafael had let me know that these sort of things "reflected poorly" on my guardian skills and my adoption application.

"I'm writing my exams soon." Cindy admitted. "And my sister has been texting me. She moved out and said she'd like to talk."

"Yeah." I said with a small sigh. "That sounds triggering to me."

She smiled sadly.

"There are counselling groups." I said. "Other women and men who have experienced what we experienced. We can go together some time, if you like."

The young girl was thoughtful, but then she nodded.

"Ok." She agreed. "Let's go together,"

Dr. Huang nodded understandingly.

He himself had sent countless victims into counselling and group therapy for precisely this purpose. They both knew how healing it could be.

"So, did you go?"

"Yeah." Olivia sighed and there was a hardness in her voice. "It was horrible."

This was not what he had expected and he looked at her with a surprised look.

"Why?"

"The group leader leaned into us a lot, she wanted us tell everyone else what had happened to us and said that as a rule everyone had to share." She shuddered. "It was horrible. I went first just because I hadn't given up hope just yet and I wanted Cindy to feel comfortable." There was a dark look in her eyes. "The group therapist said something that made me feel like my trauma wasn't justified. Like well that's horrible, but some girls here have been raped countless of times over years and not only once." She laughed now, bitterly. "Like I said it was terrible. I felt so bad towards Cindy afterwards."

Dr. Huang smiled. "Because somehow that was your fault?"

She rolled her eyes because she knew he wouldn't take her self-blame seriously.

"Well it was my idea to go there and the event in itself was more traumatizing than anything else."

"Olivia, we've known each other for a long time. I've seen you at your best and I've seen you at your worst." Dr. Huang nodded at her. "I already know for a fact that you managed to help Cindy through this."

Her brown eyes blazed. "Oh yeah, I did."

"Did you take her to somewhere else?"

"No." Olivia said calmly. "I invented my own group."

The moment Hope truly became my best friend was during a Friday night when we were sitting in my living room, eating popcorn, drinking wine and iced tea. Cindy was wrapped in a blanket sitting in the armchair, Calvin usually occupied. He was at Justin's for a sleepover.

"After Elliot and I broke up Collins came to my apartment." I couldn't bring myself to tell them about my lie or the fact that Elliot and I had never really been together.

The lie was too horrible and too many people hadn't believed me when they'd heard about it.

And I couldn't tell them about my affair. Because in the end that's what that weekend had been.

"He barged inside and raped me."

Hope gasped and reached for my hand. When she pressed it I looked up at her pale face and saw tears in her eyes.

"Olivia." She whispered. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

"There was a trial." Now I had to fight against my own tears and was glad for Hope holding my hand. "It was horrible. He lied and the jury believed him. And so I moved here."

I skipped past the other Elliot passages of my story. It was just too painful and not the point of tonight.

"My step-dad raped my for years." Cindy muttered coldly. "No trial, I just ran away. Now I'm here."

We already knew about what had happened to Cindy of course. But that didn't make it less horrible. I knew she was trying to sound tough by using little words and getting to the point, mentioning no emotions.

But that didn't make it less worse.

"Ok." Hope whispered. "What do you two need?"

Surprisingly it was Cindy who took the lead answering this questions.

"A group that doesn't suck. The one we went to was terrible."

"The therapist forced us into talking." I explained. "And then she made it seem like my rape wasn't as bad as the others."

As if he hadn't defiled me.

As if he hadn't stolen a part of my soul I could never get back.

As if he hadn't ruined the life I'd once had.

"So we'll create a new group." Hope said matter-of-factly as if this was the easiest thing in the world.

"Right." Cindy muttered, obviously she'd already given up on the idea.

"We'd need a place to meet." I said carefully, but Hope was already way ahead of me.

"The café of course! And we should hand out flyers and post information online!"

I smiled and I could see the change in Cindy too. Could watch parts of her personal darkness leave her eyes.

"We need a name." Hope clarified and stood up to pace up and down my living room.

"Definitely something with Hope." Cindy muttered. "Like, no more Hopelessness."

"Forever Hope." I suggested and she nodded.

"No." I was surprised to hear Hope sound so angry. "Absolutely not. This isn't about me." She sat down again. "This is about you guys and your experiences."

"Well..." The young girl and I looked at each other and it was Cindy who voiced what we were both thinking.

"That counsellor was a real bitch, but our...experiences were totally different."

"Of course." Hope whispered. "I get that, but maybe coming out of it now you can pinpoint what you wish for yourselves and others. Like, I don't know love or something?"

I laughed. "Love or Something, sure that's great."

Hope rolled her eyes and was about to retaliate when Cindy said in a serious tone:

"My heart is broken. But I guess Broken Hearts might send the wrong message."

I nodded and looked at the girl before me. The girl I had got to know as a homless drug addict. She was finishing school soon, worked as a barrista. She as beautiful, inside and out. Her dark hair was always glossy, her make-up applied beautifully.

My heart was broken too, I knew what she meant. The idea of love and sex and trust seemed so ridiculous. Why would I ever let anyone come so close to me?

"Heart is a good word." Hope said and I could see that she was trying her best to be professional and not be dragged down by our words. "Maybe we can focus more on what you'd want for yourself, it doesn't have to be completely true, but maybe enough to give other people hope."

"Hopeful Hearts?" Cindy frowned. "That sounds lame."

Hope said something, but I wasn't really listening.

Focusing on what I wanted for myself was difficult.

If there was any way I could turn back time, if I had a magical wish, a way to get everything I wanted I'd be living in New York with Calvin, Elliot and I would be in love and I would be a Special Victims Detective.

But.

Not all of these things were directly connected to my rape.

These were my deepest wishes, but they weren't universal. It wasn't something other people longed for.

"Sometimes." I began and interrupted one of the two, but I hadn't been listening. They both looked up at me and I saw Cindy rub her arms. "Sometimes I'll have a really good day. Work was fun, Calvin is in a good mood and at the end of the day I'm laughing or dancing and I just...I'm so happy, you know?"
The two of them had grown very still, Cindy was looking at me with wide eyes, scared of where I was going with this.
"And then out of nowhere I am overwhelmed with grief and guilt and I flashback to lying on my apartment floor beneath him, to him charming the jury and I just..." I sighed. "All of my happiness is gone." I snapped my fingers. "In a fleeting second, because it's like how can I be happy after everything? It's like my own mind is telling me that I can't be happy because of what happened to me and then takes it away." I almost laugh. "It's so stupid. I'm sorry. This isn't helpful."

"I can never smile." Cindy said. "Because the second I do I think what the fuck is wrong with you? How can you be happy? And I'm reminded. My own happiness reminds me of my darkness."

"Yeah." I nodded. "That's it."

Hope was pale and close to tears.

"Happiness." I said. "Real and genuine happiness. That's what I want for myself and for other victims." I dropped my gaze. "However that happiness like look."

Elliot, Calvin, New York City.

And I wanted to feel it.

"Ok." Hope said in a shaky voice. "Maybe we can sleep on it and–"

"But it's more than happiness." Cindy interrupted. "Stronger, more profound."

"Joy." I said and looked at poor Hope again, who was in way over her head. "We want them to have joy."

There was a silence as we let this sink in. I knew we had to stop. I knew we had overwhelmed Hope, but Cindy and I had connected. We understood each other. We could work on this together.

"Hearts of Joy?" She said and looked at me.

"Joyful Heart." I said and realized as I put the words together that this was an important memory in my life. The moment really. "We should call it The Joyful Heart."

George Huang was in awe of Olivia Benson.

"Olivia." He said and his voice was shaking. "If I google this right now..."

"You will find our web-page, The Joyful Heart Foundation." Olivia couldn't keep the pride out of her voice. "Cindy and I are the co-founders. It's our mission to help victims of sexual assault to heal and regain power over their life again."

"Wow." He said and it almost seemed like it was all he could say.

"It..." She traced patterns across the fine table cloth. "It really blew up. We had so many people coming to our meetings and then it just grew from there. We found investors who were willing to pay a lot of money to help us out." She smiled. "It was crazy how much of an impact it had."

A smile spread on Dr. Huang's face as he listened to her. "That sounds absolutely perfect, Olivia. Were you able to keep your job?"

"I had to." She said. "Joyful Heart was all voluntary work."

"And you still had to take care of Calvin?" He asked. "You basically had three full-time jobs."

She laughed now, flicking her hair back.

"Yeah." She agreed. "But it was good, you know, it was what I needed to heal from my past...to distract myself."

"I understand."

After all George Huang was the only person who actually knew every detail of what Olivia had experienced.

"And Calvin was never a job for me." She said. "I need to make that clear."

"I didn't mean to imply that he was." The psychiatrist said gently. "I'm sorry. I just mean that you had a lot on your plate."

"The work-load and the stress was almost like working at SVU again." She admitted. "It was like...I was doing what I loved, I was helping take rapists of the street, helping victims thrive, taking care of this little boy, I had best friends who were there for me unconditionally..." Olivia smiled but it was broken. "I had romantic feelings for someone...I mean, my life was essentially perfect."

Huang leaned forward to touch her hand. "But your past haunted you?"

"He raped me and he just got away with it." Her voice shook with sadness or rage he couldn't tell. "Every now and then that thought would pop up in my head and I couldn't shake it."

"Of course." He said. "That's understandable."

"It wasn't the constant thought that haunted me though." She admitted with a sad sigh.

Dr. Huang waited patiently. He could already imagine what she was going to say.

"I missed Elliot so much." She finally whispered, tears burning in her eyes. "Every day I pictured him happy, tried to imagine what he was doing, how he was living. I saw, laughing with his kids, kissing Kathy and it did...I wanted him to be happy, but I wanted him in my life so badly sometimes I couldn't get out of bed."

"What if they find my mum and she doesn't want me to stay with you?"

This was one of the many questions that kept me up at night.

"We'll deal with it then, Calvin." I said trying to sound calm. "But Rafael has been in touch with the judge handling your adoption and he said he has a good feeling."

He rolled his eyes and I almost sighed.

Calvin was 12 and the phase of rolling his eyes and sighing and groaning was already getting on my nerves.

"She lost a lot of rights." I said as we crossed the street.

I was done with work and had picked him up from school.

"But she's my mum." He muttered. "Doesn't that trump everything?"

"Not everything." I said clearly. Although to be fair it did trump quite a bit. "Honey, she hasn't been in your life for two years. The judge knows that, he knows that I've been taking care of you and that you want to stay with me."

"Ok."

"So tonight, you'll be staying with Hope and T-Bone."

The pre-teen groaned dramatically. "They live right next door, why can't I just stay in my room?"

"Because you're too young to stay home alone." I said. "You know that."

If anything happened to Calvin, even if it was just a silly accident, it would jeopardize my adopting him officially.

We both wanted and needed this, we couldn't do anything to harm the process.

I would never forgive myself.

"Besides I though you like Hope and T-Bone."

"I do." He grumbled. "But they're so nice it feels fake."

I laughed because I knew what he meant. "I know, but it's not, believe me." I nudged him slightly. "I told Hope you can eat as much chocolate as you want and she even said you can order pizza."

"Real pizza?" He asked sceptically. "Or the weird vegan kind?"

"Real pizza." I grinned. "I demanded it."

"Ok." He said and sounded happier again.

"And tomorrow, Rafael wants to take us out to breakfast." I reminded him. "And then he wants to take you shopping because you're growing so fast."

I could barely keep up with the way he was outgrowing the clothes I kept on buying him. There had been one incident at school where one kid had commented about how Calvin was wearing a jumper that was too short. Matt had told me and I had told Rafael and now Calvin was probably going to be drowning in new clothes.

The three of us were overly protective of him.

"I don't want to wear suspenders though."

I laughed again. "You can pick the clothes, don't worry."

"Are you and Raphael going on a date?"

"What?!" I laughed. "No, of course not! I told you, he's accompanying me to a dinner tonight. A dinner that's important for Joyful Heart."

"Accompanying someone to dinner sounds like a date."

"It's not a date." I said clearly.

"Will you be wearing a dress?" He asked.

"Yes..."

"And high heels?"

"Yes, but–"

"And Hope is coming to do your hair and make up?"

"Yeah, but that–"

"I know I'm only 12 but that sounds like a date."

"I..." I was speechless as we reached our apartment complex and I opened the door. "It's not a date!"

"Sure." Once inside he hung up his rucksack.

"It's not a date!" I repeated.

"Hey." He said with a grin. "You're both grow-ups, you know what you're doing and you totally have my blessing."

"Shut it." I laughed. "Or I'm telling Hope you're a vegan!"

He chuckled and went inside his bedroom, leaving me standing in the living room.

It wasn't a date.

It wasn't a date!

What if Rafael thought this was date?!

Dr. Huang was laughing so hard he almost choked on his tea.

"I could have killed him." Olivia's cheeks were burning. "For even insinuating that we were more than friends."

"It's nice that he gave you his blessing." The psychiatrist threw in.

"Yeah." She smiled. "It was nice."

"So you to went to the dinner?" Huang prompted. "For the foundation?"

"Councilman Peterson." She explained. "He was our first ever investor and he introduced us to the the police chief and some detectives."

"And you and Rafael?" He asked still grinning.

Olivia's eyes saddened. "Something happened at that dinner..." She remembered how she had struggled to breathe, how she was sure she would break down right there and then. "And if he hadn't been there..." She shuddered. "He saved me that night." Rafael Barba had been her rock, had looked out for her. "He saved the entire foundation, really."

She missed him so much.

"He became my best friend."

How had everything gone so bad?

"Detective." Rafael beamed. "You clean up nice."

I smiled. "Right back at you, Counsellor. I didn't know you were capable of not wearing suspenders."

He chuckled and held out his arm.

"Shall we?"

I looked at the large impressive house.

Tonight was about sweet-talking politicians and making friends with all the important people. Rafael Barba had shown up to escort me, wearing a black suit, white shirt and black fly. I was wearing a black dress and high heels.

Hope had done my make up and curled my hair slightly.

I looked great, I felt great. This was my night. My chance to get the Joyful Heart Foundation off the ground.

"Yes." I finally said and held on to his arm.

At the door we were greeted by a man taking our coats and then we were led into a large living room bustling with people.

"Miss Benson!" I could feel Rafael flinch at the greeting and I knew what he was thinking that there was something missing, my title as a detective.

"Councilman Peterson." I smiled. "I would like you to meet Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba."

The large man shook Rafael's hand fondly.

"Manhattan?" He repeated, clearly overwhelmed and turned to me. "Are you doing work in New York too?"

"No." I wanted to laugh, but that question stung.

I missed New York.

"We're friends." Rafael explained shortly, noticing my weariness. "I'm here to support the amazing work Miss Benson has been doing."

The way he spoke was so matter-of-factly, so straight-forward my fears vanished. Calvin was a 12 year old boy with too much imagination. He didn't know what he was talking about. We were friends and nothing more.

"Oh yes absolutely!" Councilman Peterson beamed. "Miss Benson, please let me introduce you to my wife. She helps out at the local youth centre and she would love to pick your brain."

"Gladly." I smiled at Rafael who let go of my arm and nodded once.

He was going to be his usual charming and persuasive self.

We weren't leaving tonight until we had everyone on our side and enough sponsors to rent a place downt-own where we could have our weekly meetings.

I was not leaving without a trained psychiatrist who offered sessions pro-bono.

We had a job to and we were going to get it done.

Mrs. Peterson was a calm, rationalized woman. She wanted to know exactly what my plans were for the next months. How invested I was in this project. Without naming names she told me about two young girls, 14 and 15 who had been molested by their boyfriends and hadn't come to terms with what had happened.

She wanted more than one group, sorted by age.

"Don't get me wrong, Miss Benson." She said as she sipped her wine. "I absolutely adore the work you do, but I am here exclusively for the teenagers in my care."

"I understand." I said. "But the Joyful Heart Foundation is for all ages, for every victim." We don't discriminate, I thought. "In the future depending on how much we grow, we can definitely talk about creating more groups."

"Thank you."

"And you can send the girls to me any time." I added. "I'm usually at the Your Last Hope Café and I'm always available for victims."

"Thank you that's good to know."

Behind her I could see Rafael laughing with another man in the suit who patted his back and clasped his hand tightly.

"Tell me, Mrs. Peterson." I smiled. "Do you know any psychiatrists willing to work pro bono?"

"Actually." She grinned. "I think I do, follow me."

Olivia was smiling at the memory.

"That sounds like a successful evening." Dr. Huang commented.

"It was." She nodded. "At first. We all had dinner together, the place was crawling with politicians, teachers from local schools, the police chief was there..." Dr. Huang waited patiently as he was already used to doing. He watched her remember what had happened and relive the evening.

"And then he walked in." She whispered growing pale. "And everything went to hell."

"Miss Benson." Councilman Peterson had swapped places with Rafael after we were done eating so he could talk to me. "I would like to introduce you to Seattle's finest." He stood up. "Come with me."

The dinner party was already heading back to the living room, drinks in hands. Rafael was talking to the psychiatrist, Nancy Fulton. She was nodding along to whatever he was saying.

"Yes." I said. "Absolutely."

The chief of police, Thomas Varley was waiting for us at the entrance.

"Miss Benson." He was a tall thin man with a booming voice. "I understand you were once a Special Victims Detective."

"Yes Sir." I tried to keep my voice steady. "For eleven years."

"Honourable." Chief Varley was a man of little words. "I would like you to meet two of my finest detectives..."

Just then the front door opened and two people stepped in.

Breathing suddenly became a hindrance.

He was tall and handsome but not in an obvious way. His hair was brown and short.

His eyes were blue.

There was a spark in them as he looked at the brunette woman by his side. They were joking about something, teasing each other.

"Yeah I'm sure your wife would be happy to hear that excuse!"

The wedding ring on his finger shone brightly, drawing attention by a mile away. Or maybe it just drew my attention.

"Detectives Chandler Barnett and Catherine Woods." The chief was saying, but his voice seemed so far away. Like a dream or distant memory.

"Nice to meet you." The woman was saying. Her hair was down, she was wearing a tight red top, with a black leather jacket draped over her shoulders. Her gun was holstered at her hip, attached to her jeans.

Was she wearing an extra tight top for his benefit? Lying to herself about it? How she just liked to wear something sexy and it was coincidence she would be spending the day with him at work?

She was radiant, cheeks flushed, stealing glances at her partner.

She was happy.

He was saying something about Joyful Heart, but I could barely hear him. I tried to focus, after all this was the reason I was here.

To help get the foundation started. To find support. To help victims.

Like Cindy.

Like myself.

This male detective was looking at me. Maybe he asked a question. I didn't know, couldn't know. Why was it so hot in here? Why was the air so heavy?

"Anyway." He was saying now. "We're thrilled to meet you."

He had a calm voice. The kind of voice that would draw victims in. That would make promises and make people feel safe.

What kind of promises did he make?

All I can think about is you, Olivia Benson.

Did he tell his wife he loved her?

We'll have us. We can live our life together and work separately. What do you think about that?

How long had the two of them already been partners?

I love you too, so much. You'll never lose me, Liv. I could never live without you. Believe me, you won't get rid of me that easily, I promise.

Someone had to warn her. Tell her that she would lose everything. That her that one day the life she knew, the life she loved would crumble like castle made out of sand.

"Miss Benson?" She asked stepping closer.

I hated her for being so together. For knowing her place in the world. For having her partner by her side. A gun at her hip.

"Are you ok?"

"I...uh...I just need a moment." I turned around leaving the two behind me.

The police chief was saying something and so was Councilman Peterson, but I couldn't be here, I couldn't breathe.

The first bathroom I found I ducked into.

The floor gave away from me and I almost fell, but gripped the edge of the sink tightly.

Elliot, I thought. Elliot, Elliot...

The tears came fast and hard, ruining the make up Hope had applied so carefully. I sobbed loudly, gripping the sink so hard my knuckles turned white.

Why did I let him go?

That morning after our weekend together.

Why on earth did I let him leave?

Why did I open the door for Kathy Stabler?

All the thoughts I never pushed aside came rushing back.

If we had just waited that first night. If he had gone home to talk to his wife and I would have waited and he would have returned.

We would be together.

We would be together and happy.

The both of us.

I would be working at the Special Victims Unit.

I would know Detective Amaro and Detective Rollins. The two new detectives Rafael had told me about.

My knees wobbled as sobs racked my body, making it shake all over.

I would be working with Rafael and we would make a great team.

I would still be in New York City.

How I missed New York!

The city that would always be my home. Where it didn't rain all the time. The city that had made me.

"Elliot." I whispered. "Elliot."

At least he was happy.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

Elliot was happy with his kids and Kathy. Despite all that had happened he was ok. He would be ok, always.

His wife was good for him.

I could agree on her with that.

He had left for Italy and he was enjoying his life in a way he'd never been able to in New York.

"Calvin." I muttered to myself. "You have Calvin."

He was my son.

And Calvin was worth everything.

"Liv?" Rafael's voice was on the other side of the door suddenly. "Are you ok?"

I looked up at the mirror.

I wasn't even in the vicinity of ok.

"Are you alone?" I asked.

"Yes."

I unlocked the door and ushered him inside quickly. His eyes grew wide at the state of my face.

"What happened?!"

"I...uh..." Tears rose in my eyes once more and my breathing hitched. "I'm having a panic attack."

"Sit down." As if this was an absolute normal occurrence he guided me towards the closed toilette seat and sat me down.

"What do you need?" He asked and I could hear how he tried to sound calmer than he was.

Elliot. I thought.

"I need to leave." I gasped. "I can't be here. I just can't."

"Ok." He studied the bathroom, his eyes narrowed at the window behind me. "You can climb out of the window right?"

Dr. Huang didn't want to pity her. When he looked at Olivia Benson he saw strength and courage and a woman who was capable of just about any thing.

But his heart went out to her.

"You know." He said. "This entire story made me start to hate Elliot." As expected she opened her mouth to disagree and he held up his hand. "Please, let me say my piece. You hurt him badly and you feel bad for that, I understand. There is a lot he doesn't know so I can't accuse him of that much, I know." He paused. "But the fact that he left the country without a word, leaving you hanging without giving you a chance of closure..." He shook his head. "I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive him for that."

George Huang had experienced heart-ache. He understood the gut-wrenching loneliness and pain she was feeling, but he'd at least had a chance to get over his partners.

Olivia didn't reply. She gripped her tea mug tightly, enjoying the heat it radiated.

She longed for forgiveness with every cell in her body. Closure and peace was all that she was chasing these days.

It was just so damn hard.

"Did you climb out of the window?" He asked and she laughed.

"Yeah, I did. And I went home. Rafael told everyone I had gotten a call from one of the girls and had to head out." There was a sad look in her eyes. "He made me out to be a hero and single handedly saved my reputation and the foundation."

"Wow." He said. "That sounds amazing."

"It was." She sighed. "He was."

Olivia stared down into her mug. She was so used to things going wrong she couldn't even say why she was still surprised at this point.

Of course she was going to loose Rafael.

Of course things were going to go to hell.

She just wished she could stop missing him so much.

Hi everyone! Thanks for your reviews and follows! What do you think of this chapter? I love the work Mariska Hargitay does with the Joyful Heart Foundation so I really wanted to include it. Have a great Monday!