Dr. George Huang was not an easy crier.

Working in the areas he had worked in, prying into depraved minds and hearing horrible stories he had learned not to be.

But seeing Olivia Benson being the mother she had always meant to damn near had him bawling his eyes out.

He'd tried to hide it of course, but while Olivia had been feeding Noah some of her cake and had been distracted Hope had leaned forward handing him a tissue with a knowing smile.

Because the weather was nice out again they had decided to go to the park.

Hope had left soon after, she said she had to get back to the store.

Dr. Huang was absolutely inspired by Olivia. The way she carried this child, spoke to him softly. The way he clung to her and snuggled into her arms.

It was the most beautiful picture he had seen in a while.

"His mother was Ellie Porter." She told him quietly as she pushed the stroller. "She was...uh...she was murdered. In New York actually."

"Olivia, that's terrible. I'm so sorry."

She didn't say anything and he could envision what she was thinking.

"Noah spent his first few months in foster care." She continued. "Calvin and I visited him a lot and we went to his hearings and finally one of the judges asked me if I wanted to be his foster mum." She smiled at the memory. "Rafael and I...well we started working on the adoption forms."

There was that tone again.

The bitterness whenever she talked about Rafael Barba. The same Rafael Barba she had put on a pedistol so high not even Elliot Stabler seemed able to compare. The same Rafael Barba she had so fondly described as her best friend.

Dr. Huang had his suspicions.

But he wouldn't ask.

He followed Olivia to the playground where she wiped off the swing which was wet from the rain and then put the little boy inside.

He looked at her and she looked at him.

There was a wordless communication between them.

It was time to continue.

Two Weeks Ago.

Chapter 21: Fearless and True

If you could see

the way that you looked to me

I bet that you'd be amazed at the sight

You'd see a heart that's

fearless and true

from my point of view

Oh, you shine.

"You Shine" - Derek Klena, Christy Altomare [Carrie: The Musical]

"Mum!" Calvin yelled. "I can't find my tie!"

Noah screamed and struggled as I tried to button his shirt. He hated getting changed at the moment and even kicked at me.

"Chose a different one!" I yelled back.

We couldn't be late.

Not today.

"All done!" I squealed and stood him up on the changing table. Now that he was standing his tantrum had subsided again. "Look at you, sweet boy." I whispered. "You're getting so big."

"Rafael said he's going to be a lawyer." Calvin said from the open doorway of my bedroom and I rolled my eyes.

"Rafael says a lot of things."

Calvin chuckled.

His voice had gotten deeper. While my baby was growing out of his clothes in seconds, my teenage son was growing into a deeper voice, a more steadier build. He was becoming a man and I was so proud him and how far he'd come

"He thinks I should become a lawyer too."

"I think we already established that you're going to be a writer."

Calvin laughed and opened his arms wide to scoop Noah up, who immediately started babbling excitedly when he saw his older brother. Calvin kissed his forehead.

"You smell good, bud." He whispered. "All the ladies will be swooning over you."

"Please don't let all the ladies smell my child." I said and he rolled his eyes in a manner that reminded me of myself.

The door bell rang and I hurried to open it.

"Thank God you're here!" I pulled Hope inside. "I'm not ready yet."

"I know." She wasn't in the least surprised. "Go into your bedroom, I'll be right there." She squealed. "Let me say hi to my favorite boys first!"

Hope was Noah's Godmother and she was the best choice for it. She loved him fiercely, babysat him whenever she could and constantly offered to help out Calvin with whatever he needed. She looked out for both of them and had really stepped up for my family, after her own marriage had fallen apart.

"You look nice." I said.

"Of course I do." She rolled her eyes. "Tonight's your big night!"

Hope had her long red hair tamed and groomed and put up in a ponytail. Her dress was golden, low cut and clung to her nice figure.

I felt a pang of jealousy. If I'd manage to look even half as good as Hope did right now that would be a miracle. I rarely noticed our age difference this clearly, but it was a fact that she was younger and sexier than I was.

She showered Noah in kisses and his high pitched giggle brought me back to the problem at hand.

"We need to get going!" I said. "I'll get changed."

My dress was black and simple in a way that was supposed to be elegant. But right now I just felt boring, old and boring.

I hated this.

I hated wearing dresses.

There was a knock on my bedroom door and Hope came in.

"Aw Liv!" She cried and I knew she wasn't faking her enthusiasm. "I absolutely love that dress on you! Now sit!"

It had become a ritual between her and me. She would sit me down in front of my dresser and bring her little make up and bag and do her thing.

Hope worked in silence, curling my hair, humming happily.

"Hope?" I finally said. "Do you think this is a mistake?

She didn't reply immediately, which was a sign of her taking my question seriously. As a loud and bubbly person silence was saved only for the most extreme of situations.

"I think." She finally concluded with a smile. "That you are the bravest and most fearless woman I have ever met."

I wanted to laugh the compliment off. Wanted to pretend she was being dramatic, but the truth was I needed to hear this tonight.

She continued curling my hair and then went to work on my face.

"Liv." She sighed as she put concealer underneath my eyes. "You need to talk to that baby of yours and tell him mummy needs her sleep."

I laughed, but then admitted:
"It's not Noah who's been keeping me up." I could tell how she was holding herself back from making a joke, but decided not to. "I'm nervous."

"Of course you are." She replied swiftly. "Hold still." She applied my eyeliner with an abdoluute steady hand and then said: "It's a huge deal, but it's good. It's time."

I knew she was right of course, knew that one of the reasons for my nerves was speaking publicly.

"Last time." I began and couldn't finish the sentence. "Last time I told my story people didn't believe me."

Hope was now applying blush to my cheeks with delicate movements and a soft brush. Her eyes were narrowed, focused.

"Last time." She said. "You were in a courtroom in a corrupt system. And that's not what tonight is about." She set the brush aside and looked at me with an open expression. "Tonight is about how far you've come. There will be no judge, no jury and no accused." To lighten the mood she added: "Only one over-the-top dressed ADA."

I laughed. "One you had a sex-dream about."

"Olivia!" She slammed her hand down on the dresser. "I told you that in confidence!"

"You screamed that at me in a bar."

"It's not fair that you don't drink." She muttered. "I'm the only one who does stupid things."

I laughed. "Well, I do stupid things too, believe me. Besides, Rafael drinks, the two of you could get drunk together and maybe your dream will come true."

"Urgh." She moaned. "Gross."

I laughed again.

She applied my mascara and when I saw myself in the mirror I felt much better than I had before.

"What do you think?" She asked and sounded nervous.

"I think you should be a make-up artist."

"I know right!" She beamed. "Ok, I'll grab the boys, we should get going. I think Cindy might already be there."

"Send Calvin in." I said. "I want to talk to him before we leave."

She nodded and when she left me I turned to the mirror.

It had been three years.

Three years since that night.

I was ready to talk about it. I was ready to tell the truth of what had happened to me.

But when would I actually get closure?

"Mum?" Calvin came inside. "Wow." He smiled. "You look really nice."

"Thank you Calvin."

He looked at me expectantly.

"You don't need to come." I finally said and realized as I said it how stupid a thing that was to say. His face fell.

"Don't you want me there?"

"Of course I want you there!" I said immediately. "I'm sorry that's not what I meant. I want you there I'm just worried about you."

"Why?"

"Because you're only 14 and tonight there will be a lot of stories like mine." I said. "And it's going to be hard to listen to all of this."

"I can take it." He muttered.

"I know you can, Calvin." I put my hand on his shoulder. "But the question is whether you should have to."

"I want to." He looked up at me and I saw a burning rage in his eyes. "What happened to you, it's not right. And people need to listen to the victims. Of course it's going to be hard to listen to it, but you and everyone else had to live it. I don't want to close my eyes to this just because it's easier for me." There were tears in his eyes. "The least we can do is listen to you, Mum."

I pulled him into a tight hug, my heart swelling with pride.

"Ok." I said as I pulled back. "I'm going to cry so we should get going." I gently pushed him out of the bedroom.

"You can always stand up and go outside." I said as we made our way downstairs, where Hope was strapping Noah into his car seat. "At any point during my speech or someone else's."

"Why would I go out during yours?" He asked. "I helped you write it."

That was true. Calvin had been a huge part of this evening, because I hadn't wanted anything to surprise him.

"Rafael is meeting us there, right?" Hope asked as she started the car.

"Yes." I said.

"Good." She gave me a sideway glance. "I mean, I think he's an arrogant, overdressed douché–"

"Language!" I snapped while Calvin chuckled.

"...but I'm glad he's coming for your sake." She smiled. "Tonight will be great, Olivia." She grinned. "It might be the best night of your life."

Of course none of us could have guessed just how wrong she was with that statement.

A toddler eating ice cream was a disaster waiting to happen. But Olivia seemed to anticipate Noah's next move, being one step ahead of him. Wiping his little hands and mouth briefly.

"What was the point of the evening?"

She grinned now. "The same point as always – bringing in funding for Joyful Heart. But this night specifically we had found some victims to tell their personal story publicly."

"And you were one of them?"

She nodded. "Everyone knew me of course as the founder so they could guess that I'd had some personal experience, but I wanted to tell my story in total."

Dr. Huang nodded. He understood just how much this must have meant for her. How difficult it must have been.

"I had so much support." She said and the joy in her eyes made his head skip a beat. "Hope, Cindy and Calvin were there for me and they were so happy I was doing this."

"And Rafael?" He proposed with a small smile.

The light in her eyes vanished.

As if Rafael Barba personally had stolen the joy she had fought for so hard.

"I'm so excited!" Hope squealed and then instantly sighed. "I'm sorry that was inappropriate."

"Never apologize for being inappropriate." I said. "It's your best quality."

She laughed.

I felt better now that we were at the event. All the women were dressed in gowns and dresses, the men were wearing tuxedos and suits.

I liked that it was formal, it gave the entire evening a different flair and a different vibe.

"Where are the boys?"

Hope pointed towards where Calvin was holding Noah and helping him reach some of the golden balloons hanging on the wall. The baby was laughing and Calvin beamed at him.

"I could watch them all day." Hope swooned.

"I know." I grinned.

The fact that Noah had been giving into my care was already a miracle in itself, but that Calvin loved him as much as he did was something I couldn't have dreamed up in my wildest dreams.

"Olivia!" It was Cindy who hurried towards me, Riley right by her side. She pulled me onto a tight hug.

"How do you feel?" She asked. "Are you nervous?"

"A bit." I admitted.

"It will be great." Riley said as he hugged me too.

"Thank you." I smiled at him. "How's the job?"

"Well, you know."

I grinned.

I did know.

Riley was a detective at the Seattle Police Department. He'd been on the job for four months now.

"How's the wedding planning going?" Hope asked and I could hear the tension in her voice.

Wedding and marriage was still a sore point for her after her disappointment with T-Bone. She had gone on one or two dates since their divorce, but for now she seemed to have given up on the idea of love, which I understood completely.

"Ok." She admitted. "There's just so much we still need to do." Cindy sighed dramatically. "I still haven't figured out which flowers I want."

"She's worried about the money." Riley threw into the conversation in a loving tone.

"Well someone should be!"

We all laughed.

Cindy wouldn't be sharing her story today.

It was me, going first. Alec, a young man who had been raped on a date and then kept it quiet for months on end and finally Janice, who had been in a similar situation as Cindy.

"Liv!" Tony, our newest intern at Joyful Heart and the host of this evening appeared by my side. "Wow, you look great!"

"Thanks."

"Are you ready? We'll be starting in five."

Just as I was about to say yes although I wasn't my phone rang. The shrill sound disrupted the quiet chatter in the room and the classical music playing in the background.

It was Rafael.

"One moment." I told Tony and answered, turning away.

"Hey, is your flight late? We can wait it's no problem." I said in a rush as I answered the phone.

"Liv." There was a seriousness in his voice I'd only heard on rare occasions. Only once or twice in our entire friendship. The most memorable one being the night we'd first met and he had apologized for what had happened to me. "I'm so sorry I won't make it."

Rafael worked special victims cases full time in another state and city. He was allowed to miss out on appointments and cancel last minute.

"What's wrong?" I felt utterly silly in this dress. I wanted to get in a cab and head for the airport immediately.

He sounded terrible.

Barba laughed humorlessly at my question. "Well, everything. But I just...there's this case and I won't make it."

"Ok." I said. "It's ok Rafael."

There was a pause and he didn't say anything. I could hear his hitched breathing as if he was nervous, which was ridiculous.

Was this one of the most important evenings in my life? Yes. Had Rafael motivated me to do it, telling me how good it would be if I did it? Yes.

"Liv, I – " He was acting strange. He sounded so distraught and I felt a fear for him so deeply it made my head spin.

"What's wrong?" I could hear how tense I sounded, how cop-like. "Are you in trouble?"

"No." He sighed and I could hear him trying to steady himself. "No it's nothing like that. I'm...I'm fine."

He sounded about as far away from 'fine' as humanly possible, but I didn't want to push him.

"Is the case bad?" I asked, because he'd only been doing this for three years and no matter how strong or experienced someone was, there was always that one case that got under your skin. The one case that took hold of you and wouldn't let you go no matter how hard you tried to shake it off.

I pushed the mental image of William Lewis out of my head.

"Yeah." The way he said this one word was a relieved sigh. "Yeah, the case is bad."

"Ok." I said calmly, because that was something I could deal with. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I–" He caught himself, as if he couldn't talk about it and then said: "No."

"Ok." I repeated. "That's fine. I'll call you tomorrow."

He didn't reply.

"Rafael?"

"Yeah, we'll talk tomorrow." He sounded relieved again, calmer somehow. "And Liv?"

"Yeah?"

I expected him to say good luck, knock them dead, but he didn't say anything along those lines.

"I am so so sorry." He whispered earnestly.

And then he hung up before I had a chance to tell him it was ok.

Noah was happily babbling in his stroller as Olivia pushed him. Dr. Goerge Huang was starting to warm up to Seattle.

As if she had read his mind she said: "When the weather's good it's lovely here."

He chuckled. "But it's not New York."

"No." She said with a sad sigh. "It's not New York."

"Were you very disappointed that he wouldn't make it?" He asked now.

"Well, yeah, but I was more worried about him than anything else." Her voice had taken on that hard tone again.

The bitterness he was starting to worry about.

"It's weird really." She said then.

"What?"

"That I didn't know that would be the last time I'd speak with Rafael Barba."

Strangely enough my nervousness vanished as soon as I stepped into the stage.

This was my moment. This was my truth and the past three years had led me right here.

"Three years ago I told a lie." I began. "And this lie single-handedly ruined my entire life." I could see the faces of my friends, Cindy and Riley, Hope with Noah on her lap, Calvin beside her and – my heart skipped a beat – Matt had come.

There was an empty seat at the table.

"My name is Olivia Benson, former detective at the special victims unit in Manhattan, New York City, precinct 16, badge number 4015." Some people nodded and looked impressed, Calvin smiled at me.

There were some things in life I would never forget, no matter what happened.

"The special victims unit deals with sexually based crimes. I was part of what people called the sex-police." This got me some shy smiles. "I dealt with sexual abuse and rape on a daily basis." I let this sink in. "My job differed from case to case. Sometimes I had to comfort a victim, console them, motivate them to talk about what had happened, persuade them to tell their story to the court and to face their abuser." Again I paused. Calvin smiled at me again.

He had heard me rehearse and told me I needed to go slower so people could keep up.

"At the same time I came close to the perpetrators, I would find the, arrest them and interview them. It was my job to keep rapists of the street." There was a longing in my voice I couldn't really control.

I missed being a cop.

"I was a trained detective. I knew self-defense, I was strong. I had a gun."

There was a silence in the large hall we had rented for this evening as everyone waited to see where I would go with my story.

"I was in love with someone who I'd had a fallen out with. It was very dramatic and I was desperate to talk to him because he had broken off all contact with me." It was harder than I'd thought it would be, admiring this in front of everyone. In front of my friends, but also in front the people sponsoring my foundation. "He also worked at SVU so I lied and told him I had been raped."

People gasped at this. Hope's eyes grew wide, Cindy paled and Calvin smiled at me encouragingly, enjoying the drama because for him there was a happy ending, he didn't think I'd lose anything tonight.

"I regretted it the moment I had set it in motion." I said. "He came to my apartment, I told him the truth immediately. And then we fought and he walked out of my life forever." There was a pause and as I recalled that evening. I could see the confusion in everyone's eyes. "Just a short while later someone knocked at my door. I didn't check to see who it was. After I'd opened the door a different man pushed himself inside my apartment and he raped me."

Hope's hands flew to her mouth, covering her mouth. Cindy's mouth was open in shock. Calvin looked at me with a steady, calm look in his eyes.

"There was a trail. I lost and left New York to come here." I said this part as shortly and as matter of factly as I could. "Why am I telling you this?" I now said and looked away from my the table of my friends and looked at the other people in the room. "Why am I putting myself through this and admitting that I lied?" I paused. "Because I blame myself for what happened until this day. I thought that by telling this particular lie, in my line of work that my rape was some sort of punishment. That I had manifested it. I was a trained detective, but I didn't manage to fight him off, so that had to be my fault too. Maybe on some level I had wanted this to happen because I had been drinking with this man at the bar just a few hours before?" My gaze flickered to Cindy who was shaking her head in rage.

"As an SVU detective I knew that we tend to blame ourselves after sexual assaults. For all purposes I was prepared for these emotions." I paused again. "I am telling you this because I want you to know my whole truth. I was raped. And it doesn't matter what had happened before that, even if 10 minutes before I had told this lie, even if I had invited him to come over. He attacked me, he did things to me I didn't want and what he did is called rape. It's ugly, messy and most people want to shy away from these situations immediately." I locked eyes with Councilman Peterson, the sponsor this had all started with. "I am asking you to take this seriously, to see the human being in the victim, the one who makes mistakes." I saw him nod once and give me an encouraging smile. "There is no such thing as a perfect victim, I am living proof of that." Cindy actually chuckled at this. "But I am asking you to believe me and to believe others, not just in this foundation but in your every day life too. Always listen and always believe them, no matter what they did or said or thought, if someone was raped and tells you, believe them." I took a deep breathe. "This was our standard at SVU."

Even if none of my former colleagues had been able to meet me with these standards.

"And I'm asking you to do the same. The next question you might be asking is why I founded Joyful Heart in the first place." I smiled now. "My co-founder and I. We talked about what our experiences made us feel and landed on the same page pretty quickly." I could feel goosebumps on my arms and I knew it was a normal reaction to laying out all of my vulnerabilities like this in front of people who were essentially strangers for me. "It was hard for us to be happy. I've come a long way since my rape. I have two sons I love more than anything else." Hope wooed at this causing the crowd to laugh. They sounded relieved. "I have an amazing job, amazing friends–" Another woo interrupted me. "But." I said and my tone became more serious. "Joy does not come easy to me. Darkness has a place in my heart and it has decided to stay. Some days I notice it more than others. I will have weeks of complete bliss and will come down crashing again." I could see Cindy nodding and a few of the other victims were nodding too. "And that's what this foundation is for." I finally said. "To bring happiness back to victims lives." Now, finally tears came to my eyes. "Because they deserve to feel joy, they deserve to get everything they could possibly want from life."

Dr. Huang was looking at her with wide eyes.

"What do you mean the last time you spoke to Rafael Barba?" He hadn't expected this.

Had the case been connected to him? Had he been murdered?

"Oh." Liv realized as she put Noah back inside the stroller. "Yeah that was misleading, I'm sorry. I just meant it was the last time we spoke as friends."

"He's not your friend anymore?" He asked mainly to clarify what she was saying.

"No." She said in a stern voice and he could hear the bitterness again. "No he's not."

I was nervous to rejoin them after the evening was over.

Alec and Janice had told their stories so beautifully that a lot of people had been crying.

"Liv!" Hope almost crashed into me, hugging me tightly. "I am so proud of you!"

"Thank you." Just as I stepped back, Cindy pulled me into a hug.

"That was so brave!"

"Thanks. Where's Noah?"

"Here." Matt stepped towards me, my child giggling happily in his strong arms and I felt my knees go weak. "That was really impressive, Olivia."

When he said my name I felt chills all over my body in the best way possible. We'd never initiated anything after our night together, but we were still friendly.

"Where's Rafael?" Hope asked me and I knew she wasn't worried she was just annoyed at him.

Well done, detective. I could hear his voice in my head now, clear as day as if he stood beside me.

"He uh couldn't make it." I opened my arms to take Noah who immediately started cooing once he was with me. "He had tough case."

I kissed Noah's soft forehead. "Hi sweet boy." The I looked around the group of people sanding beside me. "Where's Calvin?"

"He's talking to Alec." Hope pointed the table where my son was talking to the older victim, who was nodding enthusiastically to what he was saying.

"He's like not phased." Hope muttered. "At all. It's weird."

I laughed. "He's fine. I'll talk to him later, don't worry." Then I turned to Cindy. "How are you?"

"I kinda wish I'd done it after all." She said. "But...maybe next time?"

"Sure. No pressure."

Cindy and I looked at each other for a long moment and it was Riley who rubbed her back and then said:

"Who wants something to drink?" Immediately the other two agreed and Hope clapped her hands together signaling me to hand Noah over to her.

"Who wants some cake?!" She said in a baby voice that made him giggle.

When they left Cindy and I sat back down at the table my friends had been sitting at all evening. I looked at the younger girl with wide eyes.

I was so scared of what my lie would mean for my new life.

"Well that was fucked up." She said with such earnest that I found myself laughing.

"Yeah." My cheeks were burning. "I guess it was."

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Olivia." Cindy said and once again she seemed so much older than she really was. "I don't think your rape was a punishment. It was just a coincidence." She closed her eyes as if in pain and when she opened them she said: "A cruel coincidence." As if she could read my mind she said: "I don't judge you for that lie."

Her words made me cry and she handed me a napkin immediately. Now she was the wide-eyed scared one. She didn't really see me cry a lot.

"And if anyone does judge you, I'll beat the crap out of them!" She flicked her long hair back. "I don't care if it's a kid. Hell, I don't even care if it's your own kid."

I leaned forward and hugged her tightly.

Of course I didn't want anyone else to judge me. But Cindy was the most important one. The first victim I had shared my experiences with. The girl who had risen from a drug addict living on the streets to being a co-founder at Joyful Heart and a Hope's full-time right-hand.

"Ok." I said as I wiped underneath my eyes gently with the napkin. "Shall we join the others?"

She nodded.

Cindy was the only other one of our group who didn't drink.

My friends were all talking excitedly, congratulating the others on their speeches.

None of them mentioned my lie. None of them seemed to think it mattered. I loved them so much in that moment I felt like crying.

I sneaked away three times to call Rafael. The first two times I left messages.

The third time he was phone was off.

We brought in 15 new sponsors and Congressman Peterson told me numerous times how impressed he had been by my words.

His wife had hugged me.

The girls she had brought from her work at school had so many questions. Was I still in contact wth my ex? Did I still love him? What about my rapist? Could I have sex again?

Mrs. Peterson led them away with an apologetic smile and I assured them I'd come by their school and talk to them about whatever sensitive topics they wanted.

Because Noah was sleepy we didn't stay all too long. Calvin wanted to stay longer, but I told him no. He could meet Alec and Janice at the foundation. He could do an internship there if he wanted to. But all in due time.

For now it was time to get home, get the kids to bed and get out of this dress.

Noah fell asleep instantly to the song I usually sang to him, You Shine from the Carrie musical that Hope had infected me with.

She'd sang it on end at work until it was finally lodged deeply within my brain and I'd started singing it to Noah to go to sleep.

Because he did shine.

I stroked his cheek lovingly and then went back to the living room.

"Calvin." I said. "You should be in bed."

"I just wanted to say I'm proud of you." He said and I was pretty sure my heart would melt. "And I've made a decision."

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrow and wished again that Rafael was here.

"I want to be a rape advocate like you." He said. "I want to help people who went through what you went through."

"Wow." I said. "Calvin, that's great."

Calvin was 14. He had so much ahead of him, so much potential to end up somewhere else.

"I will be proud of you no matter what you do, you know that right?"

He actually rolled his eyes at this. "Yeah, but this isn't about you, Mum"

I laughed and tried to ruffle his hair, but he dodged away.

"Now go to bed!"

"Yes!" He retorted, chuckling.

I went into my bedroom. Wiped of the make up from my face, took of the dress and put on some old slacks.

I had made it.

I had told my entire story and people hadn't judged me. They had believed me.

Why did I feel so miserable than?

So angry?

Because the wrong people believed you and the right people threw you under the bus.

Because Devon Collins was out living his best life. Because he got away with it.

I groaned, putting my face in my hands.

Just be happy, I told myself. You have everything. All you could possibly want from life is at your feet. You're healthy, your two children are healthy. You have children!

Tears had made their way down my cheeks and I wiped them away furiously. Devon Collins had stolen enough from me. He didn't get to make me cry any more.

Just as I had calmed down, washed my face and was ready to go to sleep the doorbell rang.

I could not deal with drunk Hope tonight. Whenever she got wasted she got sad about T-Bone and tonight of all nights I couldn't be there for her.

"Hello?" I said into the speaker connection to downstairs and I was pretty sure I heard someone gasp. "Hello? Hope, if this is you, just go to bed, ok? It's late."

"It's me." A familiar voice said. He sounded sad. "Rafael."

I pressed the buzzer immediately. I didn't question what he was doing here, why he was here. He was my best friend.

I trusted him.

The first thing I saw when they reached my apartment door was the strangely guilty expression on Rafael's face.

And then I realized he wasn't alone.

Standing beside him like a figment of my imagination, like a manifestation of my haunted thoughts, stood Elliot.

see you next week! tell me what you think :) and have a great Monday!