The two of them had decided to go back to her apartment. He knew she was nearing the end of her tale for now and he was sick and tired of being outside. Dr. Huang wanted to see where and how she lived. He wanted to see the pictures on the wall, the kitchen where Hope tended to cook, the Tv with the computer games.

He wanted to see the home Olivia had made for herself.

Because he couldn't understand for the life of him why she would want to give it up.

Chapter 26: Safe Haven

Strangers rushing past just trying to get home.

You were the only safe haven that I've ever known.

"Lost Without You" - Freya Ridings [Freya Ridings]

When I got home that day I was all cried out.

Was this success? Was this being strong? Saying goodbye to the one person I wanted more than anyone else? The one I loved with all my heart?

"Mum!" Calvin hugged me tightly as soon I stepped through the door. "How was it?!"

"Good." I kissed the top of his head. "Ashley is very brave."

"Will she go to court?" He stepped back with wide eyes.

"Yes." I said with a sigh, I was so tired.

How did Rafael do this on a regular basis? Fly across the country just to be my friend?

"Are you ok?" Hope came out of Noah's bedroom, the baby squealed happily when he saw me and my problems seemed to melt away.

"Yeah, thank you." I took Noah into my arms, cradling him and kissing him over and over again until he giggled loudly.

"What about Elliot?" Calvin asked and I held Noah closer. My baby, my miracle, my joy.

"Elliot is in New York." I said.

"So will you have a long distance relationship then?"

Hope's eyes grew large and she shook her head behind his back.

"This is Rafaels fault! Calvin, stop being so direct. Let your poor mum come inside before you bombard her with heart-wrenching questions."

"No it's ok." I settled on the couch, holding Noah tightly against me. "Elliot and I are not in a relationship."

Just as the relief flooded Hope's face I could clearly see the disappointment in my son's eyes.

Oh Calvin, I thought.

"I'm fine." I said and tried my best to keep up a tough front. "This is for the best. My life is here, his is in New York."

"Yeah." He whispered.

"So!" I couldn't talk about this any more, didn't want to describe how when I had left Elliot alone in Rafael's apartment I had also left a part of me there. "What's for dinner?" I looked at Hope who began to blush.

"Well...I kind of told the boys we would order in."

I laughed because she seemed to so ashamed.

"Can we go and pick it up?" Calvin asked me and despite being so tired I agreed.

We left pretty quickly. Calvin chatted about school, about how his English teacher had praised his writing in of everyone, about talking to Alec from Joyful Heart.

Just as I pulled into a parking spot just outside the pizza place he finally said:

"Mum. I want to move back to New York." He looked at me with large, wide eyes. "Can we go back? Please?"

The apartment was packed up already. Boxes were piled in one corner of the room. But the pictures were still there and George studied the photos of another life.

Of Elliot and her in the squad room.

Of her and Rafael, sitting closely together on the very sofa standing in the center of the room.

"It was Calvin's idea?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I mean, I was ok with everything staying the same. Knowing Elliot was in New York with Rafael and just being here with my boys."

"But he changed your mind?" He accepted the glass of water she handed him with a grateful smile and sat down on the sofa.

"Yeah." She sat down on the sofa with a sigh. "In a heart beat." There was a sad look in her eyes. "As it turns out, Calvin was miserable."

Two weeks ago

He started crying almost immediately after saying these words and my heart broke in two.

"Calvin!" I leaned forward to hug him and he let me, relaxing in my arms. "What's wrong?"

"I just wanna go home." He muttered and angrily wiped his tears away. "I always thought we'd go back eventually. And then when Elliot showed up, I thought this is it, now we will finally go back."

"I had no idea!" I admitted and brushed his hair away form his face. "I thought you liked it here. You're good at school, Hope is nearby and you have Justin..."

All this time I had thought I'd created a good home for him. A safe haven.

"I do." He said clearly. "I really do, but...it's just not home, you know?"

I did know.

"Yeah." I sighed, rubbing my face.

"And Noah." He said now, sitting up. "Don't you want to take him to central park? Don't you want him to grow up in a city where it doesn't rain every single day?"

I had to laugh. "Yes, absolutely."

There was a small silence between us and then I said:

"I need to figure out what to do about work."

It would be good for Joyful Heart to have two headquarters. One here in Seattle, led by Cindy. One in New York, led by me.

As much as things had broken between us, I knew that Rafael would help me. Would help us. He'd find us an apartment. Heck, he'd probably pay for the move.

"It's been three years." I said. "I never thought I would go back. Calvin, I had no idea you felt this way."

"It's where I belong." He said. "It's where you belong and Noah too."

"Is this what you really want?" I asked. "Because we can't go back and forth."

"It is." He admitted. "I want to go home and Mum I–" The teenage boy broke off and I leaned forward.

"Whatever it is you can say it Calvin, you can always be open with me you know this."

"New York is where my mum was last, with Sara. And I know she abandoned me, but I'd like to be in the same city as her."

How had I not known all of this had been going on in his mind? Had I been so self absorbed?

"You're my mum." He said clearly. "My real mum. But I'd still like to see her again, even if it's just to get some answers. And I won't find answers here."

Him and me both I realized.

I had given up on Rafael and Elliot in a heart beat. But maybe distance wasn't the solution. Maybe there was a chance of healing if we were in the same city at least.

"We are very lucky to have Hope in our lives." I told him now. "And having her close by. And you wouldn't see Justin every day any more. You'd have to start over at as new school. It will be a big change."

"I'm ready." He promised and he said it with such clarity, such certainty that I knew I was ready too.

George liked the apartment. It was cozy, warm and bright. So much different than the one he had seen in New York. This was a place where she had been safe, where she had made good and happy memories.

"Noah is asleep." She told him and he waved to the redheaded woman who was leaving the apartment with a small smile.

"And Calvin should be back any minute."

George Huang had been through this exact moment so many times that he felt an overwhelming tiredness come over him.

"Things were going good for you, you made a decision and felt happy." He paused and asked knowingly.

"Then what happened?"

"There was another knock at my door." Olivia sounded tired too. He could hear it in her voice.

Two weeks ago

How was I supposed to tell Hope? How would I even begin to explain that we were leaving her? Because in the end that was exactly what we were doing.

After T-Bone had abandoned her, my boys and I were next.

But Calvin was right and he was miserable here in Seattle.

"Liv." Hope sat down beside me and took my hands in hers. "Do you remember the night we first met Noah?"

I smiled. "Of course."

I liked that she said met Noah, instead of found him.

"Do you remember what I said?"

"That Rafael is annoying, but useful."

For some reason that statement had really struck with me.

She rolled her eyes. "I knew that you were going to keep that baby and make him your son. I said it before you even dared to say it."

I remembered that moment.

"I'm going to say what you won't dare to." She said and as her eyes filled with tears I realised what she was going to say next. "You and the boys are going to move to New York."

"Hope I'm so sorry!" I whispered and leaned forward into her embrace. "Calvin wants to go and I–" I couldn't say it.

"Elliot Stabler is the love of your life." She said leaning away from my hug and brushing my hair out of my face. "You need to be where he is."

The door bell rang making us both jump. Even now after three years my hand reached for my weapon, but my gun was no longer there.

Hope and I looked at each other.

"I'm gonna need this to be Prince charming." She muttered and no one else.

I chuckled and followed her to the door. As I swung it open my heart dropped into my stomach.

"Hi Liv." Fin whispered and I could see the guilt and pain written clearly over his worried face.

Standing beside him, looking just as worn down, was John Munch.

"Mum! Justin's mum said I can spend a week in the summer with them if I want to!" Calvin proclaimed as he burst into the living room.

"Who are you?" He asked George in an interested tone.

"I'm George Huang." The former FBI agent stood up to shake the young boy's hand. "I'm a friend of your mothers."

"I know." Calvin's eyes lit up as he once again got to see characters from his mum's past and her hard story in the real flesh. "You were there for her when no one else was."

"Yeah." George said and the sadness in his voice was clear as day. "Yeah that's true, I was."

Two weeks ago

Hope unfroze first and ushered them inside.

I was speechless.

Too many people had been here lately who I had never expected to be inside this apartment. My head was spinning.

Elliot, I thought, my first instinct when I panicked. I don't know what to do.

"I'm Hope." My friend explained. "Liv, are you ok? Should I ask them to leave?"

Oh Hope, I thought. I couldn't even put my love for you into words if I tried.

"No." I said and my voice came out strong. "No it's ok. Hope these are detective's John Munch and Fin Tutuola." My voice finally quivered when I said his last name.

"Detective Tutuola, do you believe that Olivia Benson was raped?"

"I don't know. I'm just not sure."

"They can leave." Hope said, disregarding them completely. "You don't have to talk to them."

"What do you want?" I finally asked looking at John, unable to meet Fin's eyes.

"To apologise." John's voice was calm, melodic. "And to ask what we can do for you."

"We'll do anything." Fin promised. "Anything at all. You just need to ask."

Would you kill him? I thought, not because it was something I truly desired, but because I wanted to know how far they would truly go. Would you kill the man who had raped me?

"You came all the way from New York just for that?" I asked. "I've already agreed to talk to the other girls and convince them to go to trail."

"That's not what this is about." John promised. "We're here for you."

"We didn't have your back." Fin added. "And we let you down, we–" His broke off and I was glad because I knew exactly what they had done.

What they hadn't done.

"Can you forgive us?" Fin asked now.

"Not right now." I said and next to me Hope looked at me with wide eyes because she was impressed. "But I appreciate you coming all the way here."

The door to Calvin's bedroom opened and he came out sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"Mum?" He asked and the others didn't know, couldn't know, that he was afraid, that he was remembering a time when his biological mother disrupted his sleep by having guests and parties.

"Honey." I said, walking towards him. "Two more old friends from New York came by." I put my arm around his shoulder gently. "This is what they all do and apparently there's some unspoken rule about showing up when it's late."

My teenage son cracked a smile and waved at them. Munch and Fin both hid their surprise well and smiled warmly.

Calvin walked back to his room, dragging his feet slightly.

"I'll have to tell the school." I realised and Hope nodded.

"Tell them what?" John asked as if we'd never stopped being friends, which didn't make me mad. In fact it made me softer towards them.

"Olivia is moving back to New York." Hope proclaimed and whatever control the two of them had held over their facial expressions vanished immediately.

"Oh thank god!" John cried out and stepped forward to hug me, before thinking better of it and stepping back again.

"That's the best news I've heard in weeks!" Fin's face broke out into a smile. "That's great. That will fix it."

"Fix what?" I asked and John looked at him with an annoyed glance in his eyes.

"Well..." Fin looked at him his old partner who finally gave in with a long sigh.

"We're here for you, Liv. One hundred percent. It's just...well..."

"Well what?" Hope was the one to pressure and I knew she was about to burst with anticipation.

"Elliot put his papers in today." Fin finally explained. "And then he got into a huge row with Kathy about what's best for Eli, because apparently he's decided he's moving to Seattle."

Calvin was exactly how George had imagined him to be. He was witty, sarcastic and self assured. A far cry from the little unsure boy Olivia had described meeting at the airport three years ago. She really had done a fantastic job.

"Wait." He said now. "You're saying he quit?"

"Hope thought it was romantic." Calvin chuckled. "Mum thinks it's intrusive."

"We had mutually decided it's not a good idea to be together." Olivia muttered. "And then he just decides to move into my city."

"On the same day she made the exact same decision." The boy added.

"Great, Calvin thank you."

He laughed and George smiled, but it wasn't genuine. The words toxic relationship and codependency were right on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't want to be rude.

He wanted to hear what she had to say first.

Two weeks ago

"Have you lost your mind?!"

"No. I'm clear headed."

"You want to uproot your kid, take him away from his mother and step father because a woman you're not in a relationship with lives in another city?"

"You're not just any woman, Liv." He disagreed and I groaned.

"Stop being smooth." I muttered. "Stop this Elliot. Just think for a second. We decided mutually that it's best for both of us to not be together."

"No actually you said you can't get over the fact that I had a fair trail and you didn't and that you couldn't be with me. I then decided to fight for you, to do whatever I have to do to prove my love to you."

I was pacing up and down in my living room. The phone in my hand. Calvin was at school, Noah at day care and I was supposed to be working.

"Listen to yourself." I sighed. "This is insanity."

"Is it insanity or is it love?"

"It's insanity!"

He laughed and I was smiling because despite everything the sound of his laughter was still and forever would be the most beautiful sound in the world to me.

"Well from what I hear you and I have made the same insane decision so where does that leave you?"

"I'm moving back because I want to go home." I disagreed. "And because my son begged me to."

It still tore at me that Calvin was unhappy. That I had missed this. Hadn't realised how he'd been waiting and longing to go back.

"You're moving back to the city where I am." He said softly now. "You don't think that might have sent the wrong idea?"

"I think I made a decision based on what's best for my children." I muttered, because of course I'd been thinking about him. How could I move to New York City and not have him on my mind? "And that's something you should be doing."

"Olivia, I'm done suffering without you and I'm done not prioritizing you. I want to be wherever you are. Please just let me be there for you."

I swallowed.

I wasn't sure about this. Wasn't sure I really could trust him again.

Wasn't sure I could believe in this.

In us.

There was a knock at my door and I sighed.

"Hold on, El. There's someone at my door."

Again.

At this point only Cragen was left, or one of the new detectives, then the entire Manhattan SVU squad had showed up at my apartment door.

I swung the door open and almost dropped the phone.

"Elliot." I whispered.

There he stood, phone still in one hand, a duffel bag in the other, his head cocked to the side, a shy smile on his lips.

"Hi." He said and I shook my head.

"Insanity." I repeated.

"Love." He retorted without missing a beat and I couldn't help but smile.

I reached for his hand, pulling him inside the apartment. The minute my skin touched his the fire ignited between us and I felt like I was home.

His fingers traced up my arm and my own traced patterns on his chest.

"Elliot." I said. "This is crazy."

"I love you." He said. "I never stopped loving you, not for one minute. I missed you every single day."

Tears burned in my eyes as I looked up at him. His blue eyes were full of emotion, the same vulnerability he had showed when he had stood at my door three years ago.

"What if it's not enough?" I asked, finally voicing my biggest fear. "What if loving each other just isn't enough after everything that has happened? Everything we've been through?"

Everything we did to each other?

"Somehow through all of this we found each other again, I found you in this city and you found Calvin and Noah..." He lifted his shoulders. "I believe in us, Liv."

I wanted to believe in us and in all honesty I believed more in him than in myself. This rage that came over me spontaneously, all the sadness I still felt in my heart.

My gaze went behind him to the small table where I kept my keys and a picture of Calvin and myself from three years ago.

"What if it doesn't work out?" I whispered.

"What if it works out?" He asked and I wanted to see his point of view, wanted to be hopeful.

"Liv, all I'm asking is that you give us a chance." He stepped closer, rubbing my arms gently. "I'm ready and I'm not going anywhere. I'm in. I'm all in."

What if I lost him again? How would I ever survive this again?

I wanted to badly to choose hope. To choose joy. To make this my happy ending.

People were always telling me I deserved happiness.

And wasn't that what the Joyful Heart Foundation was all about? Wasn't it about making the best of your life? Of not letting the darkness of abuse rule your life?

"I'm scared." I whispered and that sentence almost broke me, because this was Elliot. This was the person I had once trusted with my entire life.

"Don't be." He whispered back and when he stepped closer I didn't flinch, didn't shy away from him. He took my face into his hands, leaning his forehead against mine.

"You never have to be afraid when I'm around, Olivia." He promised and brushed his lips against mine ever so gently.

"Mum, is it ok if I stay up late tonight?" Calvin asked and George could hear that the teenager already knew the answer, but was testing his limits. "Please?"

"Ok, fine. But lights out at midnight, do you understand?"

Calvin smiled and George was surprised. He'd imagined she'd be stricter with the boy. There was something knowing in Calvin's smile as he waved at the former FBI agent and went into his bedroom.

"He knows exactly when to ask me these questions." Olivia muttered and her gaze went to the door.

"What does that mean?" Dr. Huang lifted his mug and was abut to take a sip of his tea, when the front door opened.

It wasn't Hope as he had expected.

In fact it wasn't at all who he had expected, but really he shouldn't have been so surprised.

"Hi, doc."

There he stood, key in hand as if he had always lived her, Elliot freakin' Stabler.

George couldn't keep his annoyance to himself as he sighed: "Elliot."

Two weeks ago

We were lying in bed together, my head was resting on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me.

Home, I thought, this is where my home is.

"Noah was heaven sent." I said. "He was just at my door one night. His mother was a prostitute. She was..." I swallowed. "She was murdered. In New York."

"Ellie Porter." He muttered. "I remember. Rafael was adamant that we solve the case."

"Rafael." I sighed. "What should we do about him?"

"Frame him for murder and have him arrested?" He suggested and I laughed.

How I had missed this.

The softness of the afterglow, the way his voice sounded, the way his gaze rested lazily on me.

Having him to myself like this.

There was nothing in my life that could be better.

"Elliot." I whispered. "What if..." I sat up, wrapping the bed sheets around my body. He sat up too and looked at me with wide eyes, because he could already tell what I was about to ask. "What if it doesn't work out?"

"What if it works out?" He whispered back.

I tried to see what he was seeing. Sundays with him and his son. My sons and his becoming friends. Falling asleep in his arms every night. Finally being in each other's lives again. Finally being whole again. Two pieces that went together as one.

"Liv, I know you think I'm insane." He smiled. "Maybe I am. But I'm serious. I'm all in. I love you. I don't want to ever be without you again."

"What if love isn't enough?" I asked. "Are we kididng ourselves here?"

What if I never managed to forgive him? What if I never moved on? I didn't feel like I was in control of this.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take."

I didn't reply. I wasn't sure I would survive loosing him again.

"Liv?" He asked sliding closer to me. "What do you want?"

"What?"

"From me. From us. What do you want?"

I swallowed. My head was spinning. This was all so much, so soon.

"I just want to be go home." I admitted. "And I think my home is in New York. With you."

Elliot leaned in and gently brushed his lips against mine.

"That's what I want too. I want to be your safe place again and I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back."

I kissed him back, falling into his as easily as I always had.

"Mum! I'm home!"

We jumped out of bed in unison, disentangling from each other in the process.

"Shit." I muttered as I fumbled to get dressed.

Elliot was already in his jeans at least.

"Shit." He agreed.

"Mum? My teachers thought I was joking when I told him we're moving back and Justin is really excited, he wants to come and visit us in the summer. That's ok right? What's for lunch? I'm starving."

I groaned as I pulled my shirt over my head.

"He's never this talkative."

And he was also never this much on time. I rushed to the door, leaving Elliot behind me.

"Hey." I smiled brightly at him, trying my best to tame my hair that was a wild mess on my head. "How about pizza?"

"We never have pizza on a school day." He frowned. "Are you ok? Were you sleeping?"

"I um..." I needed Elliot to stay in the bedroom. Needed him to understand that this was important for me. "Calvin, I need to tell you something."

His face fell immediately. "Are we not moving?!"

"No we're definitively moving." I sat down at our small kitchen table and he mimicked me.

"Elliot showed up at our door today." I said and I felt a rush of feelings, hope? Love? All of it was positive and it swept through me, surprising me yet again. "And well...I want to give him another chance."

"Really?"

Calvin could be so sensitive, was able to be completely overwhelmed and overjoyed about the smallest of things. The weather when we were on a ferry, a new feature in one of his games...

But no his face was unreadable.

Blank.

"What do you think about it?" I asked him now.

"Do you love him?"

"I–" Elliot was right on the other side of the door. He could hear everything we were saying.

"Because if you don't love him, then you shouldn't string him along. It's not fair."

"I–" I was rendered speechless. How was my 14 year old so wise? "Thanks Calvin, but that's not the question. The question is if you're ok with him being a part of our lives?"

"Are you asking for my blessing?" He tried to make it sound like a joke, but I could hear the insecurity in his voice.

"Yes." I said clearly. "Because if you don't approve I am kicking him right to the curve."

He smiled but I could see the brokenness inside of it. "I want you to be happy, mum."

"I want you to be happy too."

"Noah likes him. I think he's ok."

Hope rose inside of me. I could work with that. Elliot was good with kids. He could win his heart I was sure of it.

Just then the bedroom door opened and Elliot came outside. The soft smile on his face told me he had heard the entire conversation.

"Hi Calvin." He said. "How about we go out for pizza? It's on me."

George's head was spinning and he wasn't sure how he had gotten here. He had so many things to say. And none of them were positive.

They were so naïve.

They were lying to themselves.

He was not a good choice for her.

She should pick anyone else. Rafael Barba for all he cared.

But not Elliot.

Who was currently sitting next to Olivia on the sofa. His arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm affectionately while she smiled up at him.

George wanted to roll his eyes.

The two of them looked at him with what seemed to be a begging look in their eyes and his heart sank.

They were so in love and yet so broken.

"Doc there was actually a bigger reason why Olivia wanted to meet you."

George's gaze dropped to their intertwined hands. Olivia was beaming and looked at Elliot who grinned back. There was something nervous about the way they were behaving and the psychiatrists heart sank.

What had she said? He'd come back how many weeks go? Three? She couldn't be pregnant, could she? It wasn't possible.

Olivia finally said: "The reason I asked you to come back to the apartment was because I have a question I wanted to ask you. Well." She smiled. "We want to ask you."

Was there a child and was he supposed to be a Godparent?

Please God no, he thought.

She looked up at him with a warm smile. "To make this work. We need help."

"A lot of it." Elliot added.

"George." She said. "Will you be our couple's therapist?"

Hi everyone! I hope you had a great week! So what do you think of Olivia's question? If you were George, would you say yes?