ELI

Drinking was discouraged when Eli's superiors were on such high alert, and Eli languished in the queen-sized bed of the hideout, wishing for something strong and bitter to take the edge off of her. She smoked. It danced upwards to the water-marked ceiling after she exhaled. Nozomi wouldn't approve. Not that Nozomi would approve of any of this. How far did her girlfriend's powers reach? Did she know? Surely she must know.

Eli was stationed in Vorkuta for a few weeks. Security reasons. Who would look for her there? Not Umi. To be fair, no one would look there, given that Vorkuta was in the arctic circle and Eli's work was predominantly in Moscow. Winter, in the arctic circle. The thought made Eli want to hit something, strike out with a bloody boiling fury inside her. Downtime was insufferable. She wanted to go back to Japan and lay in Nozomi's bed- Eli could hardly call it her own bed anymore- and sleep and have Nozomi tease her again; stop being married to your job and marry me already, she'd say. Nozomi hadn't joked like that in a long time. Eli wasn't even sure she could quit. Not now, not when they were so close. Was it worth it? It wasn't Eli's place to question her authorities. She didn't want to know what they were planning to do with the research she'd stolen. It was easier that way. Go here. Do this. Get this information. Eli could do what she was told.

Now Eli was being told to wait until the information was processed. She called Nozomi, with her back on the bed and legs to the wall. No answer. She supposed she deserved that. The Shadow watched her from above the bed. She closed her eyes. Maybe she'd go to the bookstore tomorrow. Find something to do.

The first time Eli and Umi met in America had been at a science conference a year and a half ago. Eli had been sent to look for promising young scientists, and was quite surprised to see Umi interrogating the very young man she'd been trying to scout on "a very prestigious scholarship" for Moscow State University. It had not appeared to be going well, as the man cowered behind the ornate hotel pillar, glasses askew and unfitting suit crumpling up, asking if he could just please get to his panel and be on his way.

"Tell me more about these particles. Tell me what Dr. Mayfair has discovered. Let me speak to her. Personally." Her English had gotten better, Eli noted.

Umi's appearance did not quite match her demeanor, under the dress pants and blazer was a band tee-shirt; and her blue hair was almost a shag- like Joan Jett. (Nozomi had made Eli watch The Runaways several times.) Eli tsked. When she went to these things, she always made sure to match her surroundings- business casual, laptop bag, fresh scrubbed college student eager to present her report of the different algae growths in North Eastern Vermont.

"That is classified information! I am not to share these things!"

Umi flashed some papers. "You are obstructing an investigation of PSIA and you will be dealt with accordingly if you do not share this information."

The boy stammered and started to talk about plancks and magnetic field irregulaties and multi-world theory and couldn't he please just go now? Please?

PSIA. It wasn't unreasonable, Eli guessed. She wasn't really sure what she imagined Umi doing with her life after high school. But so soon? Maybe she'd passed college in a year. It wouldn't be unthinkable for Umi. The boy produced a stab of pity in her that she did not quite understand, if only to swoop in and take him into the bosom of Mother Russia later.

Eli spoke in Japanese. "Persuasive as ever, Umi."

Umi frowned. "Now is not a good-" she turned her head, amber eyes widened as she saw her former bandmate, "…Eli?"

Sensing his interrogator's distraction, the young man in the round glasses skirted off into the crowd of STEM majors.

"Looked pretty serious there. Why didn't you tell us you joined PSIA? Where's the rest of the trio? I haven't seen the others in months. I heard Nico and Maki are dating, ha."

There was a hostile expression on Umi's face, with eyebrows furrowed over bagged eyes. Not exactly the expression she'd expected from her old friend. "You never saw this. What are you doing here?"

"Family business. Don't ask."

"Family business that just so happens to bring you to the exact same conference I'm going to?"

Lies were easy for Eli. (She'd been lying all along, of course; her ballet was in fact a cover for… other, far more deadly physical training.) "They wanted to run some tests for their new line of machines. The model needs a very specific type of battery, and I was hoping to find someone who specialized in-"

"Alright, I get it. Just… don't tell anyone else you saw me here."

"Keeping secrets from your girlfriend?"

At that, Umi reddened, looking down. "She doesn't need to know anything."

"I see."

They went out for drinks, carrying on a stiff conversation that loosened as Umi kept downing glasses of wine. Eli almost felt bad, letting Umi spill her secrets like this. A secret project, assigned to work in America. She'd been scouted after she'd won an archery competition in high school her senior year. Umi was a very talented markswoman and PSIA hadn't been the first to give her an offer, national teams had spoken to her as well. But Umi had been honored to accept PSIA and work for them. Not like Eli. Working for FSB had been an expectation since she was a child. To Umi's credit, she didn't tell Eli the exact details of what she was working on, but Eli could guess.

In fact, Eli was sure they were competing for the same information.

Despite the sub-artic temperatures, Eli went grocery store and picked up a pile of paperbacks along with granola bars and energy drinks. The woman at the register had recommended a spy thriller. Eli didn't know whether to be amused or not. It was dark when she left and it was dark when she finished the first fantasy book. Her phone sat unbuzzed in the recesses of her pocket. To the next novel, then. The text strained her eyes as the night wore on. A headache inched closer and closer. It felt like a potentially bad one; the kind that left her curled up in the darkness with nothing but the smell of an abandoned house, abandoned lives. The ethereal Shadow hanging in the corner like a fetch. 9:30. The store was closed. She'd have to make due with a hot shower and inadequate painkillers.

Miss you, she texted Nozomi, before stepping into the shower.

Eli had not felt bad the first time she had slept with Umi. She'd gotten what she needed- a night alone with Umi's briefcase, as Umi dozed in twisted covers of Eli's hotel room. Umi had been following Dr. Mayfair's work, and had made several attempts to speak with the woman before having received a restraining order; Dr. Mayfair had specialized in some very advanced physics, equal only to a Japanese doctor who was also ex-CERN- Eli could never remember her name- and had been investigation "residual effects" of seemingly supernatural phenomena. The report had gotten vague there, saying only that in the spring of 2015 something unexplainable had happened in New York City, and that while the initial event had been undocumented, efforts were being made to record and understand what remaining evidence was left.

There was the first tiny stab of guilt- remembering Nozomi's encouragement before her performance, soothing her with soft words and American pizza. "You'll do fine, Elichi. I promise. You're the best fan-waver in America. I believe in you." Eli shook her head. It wasn't as if she'd slept with Umi because she'd felt anything beyond a passing attraction for the younger girl. (If it'd been anyone, it would have been Honoka, not that she'd ever admit that except under gunpoint.) She'd called Nozomi out in the hotel lobby, wanting to hear Nozomi's voice before she got into bed with her underclassman. She told Nozomi she was going to bring her back all kinds of souvenirs, that they were going to spend Christmas in New York someday. Nozomi laughed and asked if they could visit the zoo; Eli told her they absolutely would, and there was a panda exhibit she needed to see as soon as possible. Back when Eli believed that. Back when Nozomi believed her.

It was in the frozen bowels of night when Eli's phone went off, when Eli edged between half-awareness and a deep dreamless sleep. It was a brusque thick voice; the same coarse voice she'd been talking to since it all began.

"Agent Kairos. We have a code orange. An incident occurred in Japan. Very similar to the case in New York three years ago. We have some people on the ground there, but they need you. You have the most experience. Kyushu. Akisame."

"Beating up more scientists, right?"

"Pressuring them would be preferred, Kairos. It's the Norn. "

"Da." She hung up.

Would Umi get there first this time? Eli almost wished she would. Let someone else carry the burden for awhile.

The second time Eli had slept with Umi had been after three weeks in the field in Russia on an unrelated mission. She'd found the girl sleeping in an airport in Chicago- where Eli's contact for the mission had been. Umi was warier that time, waking up to a prodding woman on a hard airport seat.

"How's your band doing?"

"That's none of your business."

"I heard you guys on the radio last time I was in the states. You got a better band name, right? The DJ was cracking up when he announced your name."

"What do you want?"

Eli and Umi had not corresponded since the first time, and Eli could only assume a guilty conscience. Or rather, Eli had given a few texts before assuming the girl wanted nothing to do with her, and had given up. That was fine with Eli. It certainly made her life less complicated.

"Just wanted to say hello. I don't get to see anyone besides Nozomi and Nico."

"Did you tell Nozomi?"

That stung. "We have an understanding with these things." Eli had played the conversation in her head more than once: Sorry I ate out Umi Sonoda, I only did it to steal her research for my secret spy job. By the way, the Japanese and American government would probably execute me if given the chance. How do you feel about unethical non-monogamy in the name of patriotism for a different country that is working against your own?

"I see."

After much prodding, Eli had gleaned that things were not going well- not to Eli's surprise, the girl was not the best secret service agent to have given her as much information as she did- and was being pressured at work to achieve more, get results faster, and Umi struggled to come up with anything. Umi had started crying as her gate was called, and Eli decided to play the role of the understanding senpai and comfort her. Sliding into roles was easy for Eli. She was constantly uneasy with herself. How much simpler it was to be someone else, to become a set of behaviors and acquired speech habits.

When Umi was self-deprecating, Eli provided a gentle word, when Umi disparaged her band mates, Eli nodded in sympathy, spurring her on to spill more and more. Umi was preoccupied with Honoka that day, telling Eli things far more intimate than she ever would have guessed; how Honoka lacked discipline in her daily routines, how close Honoka and Kotori had gotten, how Honoka had started to withdraw her affection from Umi, sometimes sleeping on her own rather than with Umi and Kotori, as if she couldn't bear to be in the same bed as them. It infuriated Umi.

Why Eli sought comfort-or comforting- from Umi, she didn't know. Eli had done things; new things that she wasn't comfortable with in those past weeks. Hurt people who didn't need to be hurt. Seen things she couldn't get out of her mind. How could Nozomi accept the person she'd become? Eli couldn't go home. Not right away.

After Umi's last remark, they didn't say anything for a few moments. Strangers gave them passing glances and Eli felt the urge to move their conversation to somewhere else. "You want to get dinner?"

"Okay. That doesn't mean I'm going to do anything with you."

"Of course." Eli did not ask whether Kotori and Honoka would miss her, or if she needed to be back by a certain hour. She already knew the answer.

Umi was hung-strung when they got back to Eli's hotel, shuffling nervously towards the bed closest to the door. She had several glasses of wine at dinner, and after watching Umi down the third glass, Eli had begun to drink in earnest as well. Eli sat down on the other bed, watching Umi fidget, bare calves crossing and uncrossing over the gold comforter. (As if Umi hadn't been pressing those legs against her the whole time under the table; hadn't been stiffly groping her arms in the cab, rigid hands kneading Eli's collarbone.)

"They hate me, you know."

The room was spinning a little, and it took Eli a few seconds to respond. "Nobody hates you, Umi."

In fact, Eli was rather grateful how much Umi had contributed to the New York case.

"They do! Kotori…" There was a tug in Umi's voice, "It's not the same anymore."

Eli tried not to think of Nozomi, how Eli had changed for the worse. How when she got back, her hands would have been touched with something she could never wash off. She wondered if Nozomi could see the blood. "Shhh. They'll understand. If you just tell them the truth…" Hypocrite, she thought, try taking your own advice, "They'll accept you. Because they love you."

"Can… can you come here?" Umi's voice was strained, desperate, "I want…"

With slow, deliberate steps, Eli stood over Umi, shoulders thrown back, giving Umi a nice view of the curves her dress did little to hide, "Tell me what you want."

"Let me… let me touch you," Shaking hands on Eli's hips, cracking voice from Umi's throat. A hurricane, Eli thought, inside a girl, ready to flood her. Umi's eyelashes fluttered, cheeks reddened and dewy, as if she had been crying. "I want to feel someone."

"You may touch me, Umi."

Umi's gropings were nothing like Nozomi's; Nozomi, who would have kissed her behind the neck with soft lips, dipped her hands between Eli's legs, ran her fingers over the swell of her breasts before beginning to touch Eli in earnest. Nozomi would have whispered Elichi, told her how beautiful she was, how lucky she was to have her. Nozomi smelled of incense and gardenias. No, Umi was never going to be Nozomi, with her unclipped nails and sugarwater perfume.

The Shadow waited behind Umi's kneeling form. Eli watched it as Umi prodded and lapped and moaned, staring into its non-existence eyes.

It was only when Eli had left for London that she had noticed her flashdrive had been tampered with. She was almost amused. Umi had learned to play the game. It was really a shame that Eli was going to have to take her seriously now.

Eli would go to Sapphoro first, she decided, before going to Akisame. Her best equipment was there, she rationalized, and she would get a hearty send-off from her friends at the embassy, perhaps with some new toys to play with. She tried not to think about Nozomi. Of course, she'd see Nozomi. But. God. Eli knew what completing this mission meant.

The rest of the world would soon find out, in one final shrieking blow to reason.