Chapter 9
A couple of days had passed, and Rachel had become increasingly concerned with the way Gaby was eating at the moment, ever since the incident at school where Gaby had fainted, Rachel had been keeping a very close eye on Gaby at meal times.
She'd spent ages picking around at her food, cutting it up into smaller pieces and chewing tiny bits of it for ages. The more Rachel watched her, the more she became certain that there was a problem, however she'd tried talking to Gaby on a few occasions, but it was obvious it was the last thing she wanted to talk about.
Gaby was in her bedroom after school, she could barely concentrate on anything at the minute, she was snappy all of the time and kept having a go at people. She was losing weight rapidly now; however she was determined to get as thin as possible, she still felt so fat.
She took her clothes off and analysed herself in the mirror. Had she lost anymore weight since yesterday? Or had she put some on? Her stomach was looking so big she thought to herself, but maybe her legs had become just a bit thinner.
Gaby was so caught up in her own thoughts she didn't even hear Rachel knocking
When there was no reply, Rachel walked into her daughter's bedroom and saw her in just her underwear staring at herself in the mirror. It was only then that Rachel realised just how much weight Gaby must have lost. She had no idea how long Gaby had been dieting for but by the look of her it must have been quite a while, some of her bones were even starting to poke out. Gaby had never been fat, far from it, but she'd never been thin either and now she was looking pretty unhealthy.
Rachel was about to confront Gaby straight away and tell her how awful she looked, however she knew that if she did this then it would just result in another argument between her and Gaby, so she decided to use a different tactic.
Gaby jumped when she noticed her Mum had came into her bedroom. She instantly put her arms over her chest and her cheeks flushed.
"Gaby I didn't mean to barge in on you, I did knock, you must not have heard"
"I didn't hear"
"Can you put some clothes on and come through to my room for a second love?"
"Why?" Gaby said instantly panicking
"I just want to have a couple of words"
"Have I done something wrong?" Gaby asked
"No, no, I just want to have a quick chat, it won't take long I promise"
Rachel then closed the door to allow Gaby to get changed
Gaby guessed her Mum wanted to talk to her about her eating again, she felt anxious as she was running out of excuses about it
Gaby went into her Mums bedroom. Rachel closed her door, so they could talk in private
"Come and sit on the bed Gab"
Gaby sat down nervously, and Rachel sat next to her
"I was looking through some old pictures" Rachel said "I have to show you some of them"
Gaby was a bit confused but relieved that Rachel wasn't quizzing her about food
She laughed when she was a picture of her as a baby running around the garden with just a sunhat on
"You better not show anyone that" Gaby said laughing slightly
"Look how happy you look" Rachel said "look at this one"
Gaby laughed again at the picture of her on her toy motorbike
They then got to a couple of pictures of Rachel when she was pregnant with her
"Mum you look so young" Gaby said "You had hair right down to your bum"
"I used to tie it up with a big scrunchy, they were quite fashionable back then. I guess I was quite young though, I was so shocked when I found out I was pregnant with you, I'd just got a new promotion at work" Rachel said
They went through a couple more and they came to some pictures of all three of them as a family back when Gaby's Dad was alive, they were on a beach in Spain and Rachel was wearing a bikini
"You were so skinny Mum" Gaby said enviously "I wish I looked like you"
"No you don't, you are absolutely perfect just the way you are"
"Mum, do you still miss Dad" Gaby asked
"Of course, I do, I'd do anything to have him back and I know you would to"
Gaby paused for a moment before saying "after he died I used to think about him all the time, I used to do little deals in my head like if I hold my breath for a whole minute or get to school without stepping on any lines it would bring him back, but now I don't think about him as much, is that bad?"
"No darling that isn't bad, your Dad would have wanted you to carry on with life"
"Would you ever get a new boyfriend Mum?"
"I don't know Gaby, not at the moment, I'm too busy and it wouldn't be fair on you"
"I wouldn't mind, well not that much anyway"
Rachel smiled slightly "Gaby I didn't just bring you in here to look at these"
"I know I kind of guessed" Gaby sighed
"I can't help but notice how much weight you've lost love"
"It's not that much" Gaby said sounding small
"It is though Gaby, this isn't just a diet is it?"
"Honestly I'm okay" Gaby said but her voice was breaking slightly
"How much weight have you lost"
"Just a pound or so"
"A stone or so more like" Rachel sighed "Why Gaby, you're such a beautiful girl, why do you need to lose all this weight?"
"I haven't lost much, I just want to get a bit healthier"
"Darling, you don't need me to tell you that this isn't healthy. You don't skip meals to be healthy, you exercise and eat sensibly"
Gaby didn't say anything just stared at the floor, tears filling her eyes
Rachel lifted her chin up gently
"Tell me what's wrong Gaby, whatever it is, we can sort it out"
Gaby looked into her Mum's gentle eyes, she knew she could trust her and she didn't want to carry on like this. In that moment all she wanted to do was open up about how much she was struggling.
She was just about to open her mouth to start talking when suddenly the door opened, and Amy walked in.
"Amy me and Gaby were having a private conversation, you can't just barge in, especially when my doors closed" Rachel scolded
"Sorry, auntie Mel's here"
"Well can it not wait 10 minutes" Rachel sighed, she'd sensed that Gaby was literally just about to tell her something.
"No it can't, she's crying"
Rachel rolled her eyes, Mel turning up at the house in tears was becoming a common occurrence and it always seemed to happen at the most inconvenient times. Poppy had only gone home yesterday and already Mel was back.
"Gaby we'll speak later okay"
Gaby nodded and Rachel went downstairs
Mel was at the door with Hannah, Mel was in tears and it looked like Hannah had been crying too.
"Mel what's up"
"I'm going away"
"What?" Rachel said "I though you and Mick were back on"
"Well not anymore, I'm going to see my friend in Spain, I got some cheap flights" Mel said "don't look at me like that Rachel, I need a break. Please, please have Hannah for me"
"How could you keep doing this you selfish little…" Rachel started "Your daughter needs you, she'd not some sort of parcel"
"Don't you think I don't know that, I'll end up topping myself if I have to keep going here though, I can't stand all this shit anymore"
"Oh don't be so bloody dramatic" Rachel shouted "you can't keep doing this, your daughter is your responsibility, no one else's, yours"
"Rachel please, just for a week"
"You know what fine, you go, have a nice little holiday" Rachel said
"Look Rachel, I promise when I get back …"
"You'll start taking responsibility for Hannah, you know what I don't want to hear it, I've heard the same old crap hundreds of times before"
"Rachel…"
"Just go Mel, and you know what maybe just stay over there eh?"
Mel didn't know what else to say and backed away.
It was only then that Rachel remembered Hannah was stood there, she instantly felt awful
"Hannah I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to hear that" Rachel sighed "Has Mum packed you plenty of stuff huh?"
Hannah knew her Mum had only packed her a couple of bits as she was in a rush but nodded her head.
"Come on then love, come in, I'll get tea on"
Rachel noticed that Hannah seemed very quiet, she was normally so bubbly despite her Mum arguing with Mick all the time.
"Is pizza okay for tea?"
Hannah nodded
"Would you like a drink of anything?"
"No thanks"
"Oh love, I know it can't have been very nice hearing your Mum arguing with Mick, maybe some time away might do her good though and you don't mind staying here too much do you? Even it is a bit chaotic"
"I like it here" Hannah said
Rachel smiled "Go on then, go and unpack your stuff"
Hannah went upstairs and started putting her things away. She hardly had anything though, Mel had forgotten to pack her school uniform and had only packed a pair of pyjamas, some knickers and a top and trouser set, hardly enough to last her a week.
Hannah laid down on the bed and started to cry, she just felt so unsettled at the moment and felt like she wasn't wanted anywhere.
About twenty minutes later Rachel called them all down for tea.
Rachel had started to dread meal times, it was a constant battle of trying to get Gaby to eat.
Almost as soon as the pizza was put in front of Gaby, she started to play around with it and push it around her plate.
"Gaby just eat the flaming food" Amy said impatiently, she'd noticed the change in Gaby's eating too and wished it would stop
"Amy" Rachel said sharply, trying to keep the peace "Gaby just try and eat some please"
"No it's getting ridiculous Rachel, she's not eating at all, your starting to look awful Gaby, it's just all so stupid, you're going to end up anorexic" Amy said
"Gaby can't be that thin thing" Ivy said laughing "She's not skinny, she's got quite big legs"
"See I'm not skinny I'm fat" Gaby said tears forming in her eyes
"Gaby ivy's only little she doesn't know what she's talking about" Rachel said
"I'm not little" Ivy said indignantly "and I do know what I'm talking about"
"Ivy button in" Rachel warned
The rest of the meal felt really tense and everyone was quite glad when it was over.
"Gaby you've barely touched your food" Rachel sighed
"I wasn't hungry"
"You're never hungry" Rachel said "You were going to tell me something earlier, what was it?"
"Doesn't matter"
"Gaby talk to me, please" Rachel almost begged, but Gaby stayed silent
"I think we need to get you seen by a doctor" Rachel said
"I won't go"
"Gaby I'm not going to argue, I'm worried you might have an eating disorder"
"How can I have an eating disorder when I'm fat and don't say it's not true because it is" Gaby cried
"It's not true, have you looked at yourself, you're wasting away Gaby" Rachel said
"Leave me alone" Gaby said before going up to her room
Rachel felt tears form in her own eyes, she hated seeing Gaby like this and wished she could get her to open up to her.
Rachel cleared up from tea and then got Ivy bathed and into bed. Once Ivy was sorted she went into Hannah's room
"Hey love, sorry it's been so mad tonight, I know it can't be very nice for you"
"It's okay" Hannah said
"Do me a favour and put your uniform out for tomorrow"
Hannah remembered her Mum hadn't packed it, she was worried because she didn't want her auntie to get annoyed again, but she realised she had to tell her.
"Mum didn't pack my uniform"
"Ah" Rachel said "Well I guess I'll nip around to your house in the morning on the way to school, you'll have to get changed in the car"
"Sorry"
"Don't worry, it's not your fault" Rachel said "Wait what colour is your summer dress?"
"Red and white"
"oh fantastic, well you can just borrow Gaby's old one then, her school used to same colours"
"Thanks auntie Rachel"
"That's alright" she said smiling "I've ran a bath for you"
Hannah got in the bath, she felt really upset but wasn't sure why exactly, everything just felt so strange at the moment.
She stayed in there for ages and eventually Rachel came knocking
"Hannah are you okay love?"
"Yeah I'm coming out now"
Hannah got out and dried herself before getting into her pyjamas.
Rachel came through to her bedroom a few minutes later
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah"
"Do you want any water or anything bringing up?"
"No thankyou"
"Okay well, sleep well shout if you need anything"
Rachel gave her a quick kiss goodnight before flicking out the light.
Hannah felt quite restless, it took her ages to get to sleep. She woke up a couple of hours later and realised she'd had an accident in her sleep. Hannah felt mortified, she couldn't believe that she'd done this at her aunties house, especially when she was 10, she felt like such a baby. The worst thing was it had been happening quite a few times recently.
She sat in bed crying for a couple of minutes, before deciding to go and try and sort it out. She decided to go and wash her pyjamas out in the bathroom.
Shivering, she got up out of bed and walked across the landing. She got a shock when suddenly Amy and Rachel appeared at the top of the stairs
"Hannah are you okay?" Amy asked
Hannah didn't say anything, her cheeks burned red.
"What's up love?" Rachel asked
Hannah suddenly began to cry
Amy and Rachel exchanged glances
"Hannah what's happened?" Rachel asked crouching down slightly. It was only then she noticed the wet pyjamas.
"Erm Amy, why don't you go to bed love, I'll come and say night in a minute"
"It's okay Rach I'll just see you in the morning"
Rachel waited until Amy was out of ear shot before turning to Hannah
"Have you had a bit of an accident?" She asked gently
Hannah nodded
"And were you going to try and sort it all out in the bathroom"
Hannah nodded again getting quite hysterical now
Rachel did feel a bit shocked by all this, Hannah was 10 after all now, but she could see how upset she was and didn't want to upset her anymore by making a big deal out of it so was trying to stay as calm as possible
"Well that's very grown up of you, but that's what the washing machines for, come on my darling, lets go and get you all sorted"
"I'm sorry" Hannah cried, she could barely talk because she was so upset
"Hey don't worry, accidents happen"
Rachel took her into her bedroom and stripped the sheet off
"have you got fresh pyjamas out?"
"Mum only packed me one pair" Hannah sobbed
"Well not to worry because, I'll go and get some of Gaby's, they'll be a bit big but it'll be fine"
"No don't get hers, she'll guess that I need them because I've wet mine"
"No she won't, she's probably asleep" Rachel reasoned "I'll tell you what though, how about I get you one of my tops and you can use it as a nightie, would that do?"
Hannah nodded, she couldn't believe how nice Rachel was being about it
Rachel disappeared and came back a moment later
"There you go, now why don't you nip to the bathroom and get freshened up a bit and I'll nip this stuff in the wash, then you can come downstairs with me and I'll get us some nice hot chocolate before bed, bring me your pyjamas down and we'll put them in too and no one need know anything about it"
"Thanks auntie Rachel" Hannah said through tears "Did Amy see?"
"No darling Amy didn't see, and even if she did she wouldn't have said anything"
Hannah went off and got sorted and came downstairs a few minutes later
Rachel did want to have a chat with her as she was a bit concerned about what had happened
"Hey Hannah, come and sit down, I made you hot chocolate and one for me too"
Hannah went and sat down next to Rachel.
Rachel put her arm around her as she could see Hannah was still upset, but as soon as she did Hannah started crying again
"Auntie Rachel I really am sorry, I don't know why it keeps happening it's horrible"
"Love you've got nothing to be sorry for, it's something you can't control" Rachel said, "Is it happening a lot recently then?"
"Yeah"
"Look we don't have to talk about it, not if you don't want to, but if you do, you can tell me anything at all, I'm not going to be shocked or angry or anything at all, but if somethings upset you then I think it's important you've got someone to talk to"
"I just feel like no one wants me anymore and at night time it makes me feel really upset and then this keeps happening and Mum gets angry" Hannah cried
"Oh love, you could have told me sooner how unhappy you were feeling"
"If anyone at school knew they'd pick on me so much, I bet no one who's 10 still wets the bed except me"
"I'm sure plenty of people do, look I'm going to tell you something and it's in the strictest confidence, that means that I don't want you telling anyone else okay"
"Yeah"
"When Gaby was your age you know her dad, your uncle died didn't he?"
Hannah nodded her head
"Well after that Gaby used to wet her bed quite often for a couple of months and she was so upset about it at first, but it never used to be a big deal we'd just sort it and move on and eventually it stopped. When something upsetting happens often our bodies react in weird ways, and I'm guessing you've been feeling pretty upset lately and probably completely unsettled and so it's understandable love"
Hearing Rachel say this instantly made Hannah start to feel better
"So it'll stop soon?"
"Oh yeah I'm sure it will, and in the meantime, we'll just deal with it"
Hannah gave Rachel a big hug
"Thanks for not being angry"
"There's really nothing to be angry about" Rachel said "I know how strange everything is at the moment, but I think being here for a while might do you some good, give you chance to settle"
"And you won't tell anyone about … you know"
"I won't tell a soul, you just come and find me whenever you need to yeah"
"Thanks auntie Rachel"
"Things are alright at home aren't they"
"Yeah, it's just not nice when mum and Mick fight"
"I know love, but you know you're welcome here anytime don't you"
Hannah nodded her head in response
"Okay, how about we go back to bed?"
"Yeah, I feel quite tired"
"Come on then my love"
The two of them then walked back upstairs to bed
Rachel tucked Hannah back in and then went to bed herself, she was feeling really tired now.
All too soon the alarm went off.
It took them quite a while to get to school but eventually Rachel dropped off Hannah and Ivy and they drove to waterloo road.
When they got to school Amy and Gaby went off, so Rachel got her stuff out the car and walked off to the office.
She'd been getting on with some work when suddenly there was a knock on the door
"Yes"
To Rachel's surprise one of Gaby's friends Abi opened the door
"Hey Abi come in" Rachel said
Abi came in looking slightly nervous
"Is everything okay?"
"I was just wondering if I could talk to you about Gaby"
"Of course, you can, come and sit down"
Abi went and sat down on the chair behind Rachel's desk
Rachel wondered what this was about, Gaby and Abi were really close, so she was surprised that Abi seemed like she was about to tell her something about Gaby, that Gaby perhaps didn't want Rachel to know about
"What is it you wanted to tell me about Gaby"
"Well a few of us are a bit worried about her" Abi said, she took a deep breathe before saying "We think she might have an eating disorder"
Rachel didn't know how to respond to this, she knew that Abi must have to be really concerned to go behind Gaby's back and come and speak to her about this
"Okay" she said calmly "What makes you say that?"
"She never eats with us anymore, she just plays around with her food and ends up chucking most of it, and she just seems so different, like she's moody with us all the time and she keeps going really dizzy"
Hearing Abi say this just confirmed Rachel's fears that Gaby did have an eating disorder even further
"and well…" Abi said but then stopped
"Go on, it's okay"
"Well we think she's been making herself sick a few times too" Abi said "if ever she does eat properly she goes to the toilet straight after and we hear her throwing up"
"Have you tried talking with her about it?"
"Kind of, but she gets really defensive" Abi said "I know she's going to hate me when she finds out that I've been to see you"
"Well I'm glad you have and Gaby's very lucky to have a friend that cares about her so much" Rachel said smiling slightly
"We've just all been worried and thought you should know"
"Well thanks so much for coming to see me, honestly I really appreciate it"
Abi then left leaving Rachel feeling even more worried about Gaby.
She decided that she needed to keep an even closer eye on Gaby, she just didn't know how to help her, when she so obviously didn't want help.
When the bell went for lunch, Rachel decided to go down to the hall and eat in there with some of the other teachers, this way she could keep a subtle watch over what Gaby was eating. Rachel hated having to spy on her, but she felt like it was the only option now.
It didn't take Rachel long to spot Gaby. She was sat with some of her friends, but she wasn't really talking to them, she had ordered a salad from the canteen but had barely touched it and was pushing it around the plate.
After a while Gaby noticed her Mum starring at her, she suddenly got up from the table, pushed her salad in the bin and left the hall before Rachel had the chance to come over.
Rachel sighed but decided to catch up with her later.
Gaby was feeling awful, she hated the fact she felt like she couldn't eat but it had completely taken over her, all she wanted was to be skinny and she needed to feel in control.
The afternoon seemed to be dragging on and on, Gaby felt really headachy and dizzy. She was in English and they were getting one of their test papers back.
When Gaby got hers back she gasped when she saw how badly she'd done. English had always been her favourite subject and now she seemed to be doing badly in that as well as everything else. She tried hard to fight off the tears.
As soon as the bell went for the end of school she went straight out and decided to head back home, she couldn't face seeing her Mum or anyone else yet and just wanted some time to herself.
She texted Rachel saying she was walking home and headed off back.
The walk home was pretty long, Rachel had tried to call Gaby a few times, but she didn't want to pick up so just left it.
As soon as she got home Gaby went up to her room and closed the door, before getting onto her bed and bursting into tears. She didn't know why she was crying, she just felt really low.
About half an hour later Gaby heard the door open and everyone come in.
She was expecting a lecture off her Mum about the fact she'd gone off home by herself, as Rachel hated them walking because it was all on a busy main road and it was about a 40-minute walk.
However, when Rachel came into her room a few minutes later, she looked more concerned than angry.
"Gaby is everything okay? How come you didn't want a lift back?"
"I wasn't feeling that well, I wanted some fresh air"
"Have you been crying?" she asked gently
"No" Gaby mumbled
"Miss Koreshi came to see me, she said she thought you were upset about your English score"
"I'm fine"
Rachel paused for a moment and then sat down on the bed
"You're not fine though are you Gab" she sighed "You're not fine at all, Abi came to see me this morning, she tells me her and the rest of your friends are worried about your eating"
"she came to see you" Gaby said sounding outraged, she couldn't believe Abi had gone behind her back like this
"Yes, she did because she's your friend and she's worried"
"She had no right" Gaby said tears forming in her eyes
"Gaby when is this going to end, when are you going to let me help you"
"There's nothing wrong"
Rachel sighed but knew there was no point pushing it. She just squeezed Gaby's shoulder gently and then got up.
As soon as Rachel left Gaby started crying again. She was starving hungry. She looked at the collection of chocolates she had saved up in her room, they looked so tempting. Surely one would be okay. Gaby couldn't resist them anymore and tore off the wrapper and started to eat. Once she started eating she couldn't stop.
After she finished she instantly felt guilty, she knew what she needed to do.
Without a second thought Gaby rushed to the bathroom. She knelt down by the toilet and started to make herself sick. It was horrible, sweat started to pour down her face and her throat began to burn. After she'd finished she felt weak, she flushed the chain and then turned around to go and wipe her mouth and jumped out of her skin when she saw Rachel stood behind her.
"What the hell are you doing in here" Gaby said in shock
Rachel just shook her head in disbelief, although she'd been more, or less certain Gaby had been making herself sick she was still horrified when she'd followed her into the bathroom and watched her do it. She didn't know what to say
"I could ask you the same thing" Rachel said
"I told you I wasn't feeling well" Gaby said, she couldn't believe she'd been caught out "I had to rush to the toilet to be sick"
"Oh, Gaby cut the crap, I followed you into the bathroom, you left the door unlocked I watched you make yourself sick"
"Well okay, I was feeling sick but it wouldn't come out, so I had to make myself sick. It's no big deal"
"Gaby come on stop with the lies, there's no where else to hide, you've been caught out" Rachel said
Rachel thought that Gaby was going to storm off but she turned all white. Suddenly Gaby felt everything go blurry again, her head was spinning, and she started to fall but Rachel caught her before she collapsed
"It's okay I've got you" Rachel said quietly but Gaby couldn't work out what she was saying
Rachel put the lid down on the toilet seat down and got Gaby over to sit down on it
"Head between your legs" Rachel ordered
Gaby did as she was told and within a few minutes she started to feel a bit more alert so sat back up.
She started to shake rapidly, and still felt really confused and tearful.
"It's okay love, you went all dizzy like you did at school the other day, look your just in the bathroom" Rachel said, she knew that right now she just had to make sure Gaby was safe and it wasn't the time to lecture her about what had just happened
"Can I have some water?" Gaby said
"Yeah of course, give me 1 minute, I'll nip downstairs"
Rachel quickly grabbed some more water and took it up to Gaby
"There we go, small sips"
Gaby started to feel better after the water, so Rachel helped her back to her room.
She sat down on the bed with her and wrapped an arm around her
"Love we need to talk about all of this"
"Not now Mum, I'm really tired, can we walk later?"
Rachel sighed "Okay Gab, you have a little rest"
By the time Rachel had left Gaby was already half asleep.
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