Summary: A continuation of Dan Redemption with a Twist. Featuring a very guilty Dan and a very loving dad Clockwork.
So after becoming a halfa again, Dan's emotions are incredibly intense, both the good and the bad. For the first few days, it's mostly good. There's a lot of joy and excitement over getting to experience all of the sensations he's been missing for the last ten years. At the first meal, he is so enamored by being able to taste again that Vlad actually has to take away the food to get him to stop before he makes himself sick. The first time he showers, Dan stands under the water for an hour, just feeling the warm water in his skin, the bubbles from his body wash. He keeps running his fingers through his hair, marveling at the soft black strands. He gets dressed in pajamas and even jumps on the bed, laughing excitedly like he really is a kid again.
Yes, the first few days are great, all the positive emotions elevated. But soon… The negative emotions come as well
It starts with a nightmare. The Nasty Burger exploding. Buildings falling. Valerie broken and beaten at his feet. He wakes up, chest heaving, tears on his face. He's terrified. What if he loses control? What if he becomes that monster again?
A few days later, Vlad has him transform, intent on some power training, now that his core and body are more in sync. Dan changes into ghost form and… It's so strange. He's so much taller as a ghost, his hands are so much bigger. He sees himself in the mirror and… His stomach flops, queasy. This looks wrong. It feels wrong. He pushes the feelings down, focusing on Vlad's check up. When he turns back to human, it's a relief.
The nightmares continue, the bad memories. Newly reclaimed humanity makes the guilt burn. Soul crushing, all consuming guilt. Dan knew the mistakes he'd made before; he knew the damage he'd done. But now… it's so much worse. His heart aches, it burns. Every time he closes his eyes, his transgressions haunt him. He messed up. He did so many horrible, revolting, unforgivable things.
Dan tries to keep going though. He has a second chance, thanks to Clockwork and Vlad. He had a chance to make up for what he did. He is alive again. He never ravaged the world in his anger and grief. Everything is okay now and yet… he still feels so guilty. Because he doesn't deserve this.
Still… Dan had promised to do the best he could. He is so grateful for Vlad, for what the man did for him. He tries to be the best permanent house guest, the best sort of mentee that he can be. He lets Vlad teach him things, and shares his own knowledge. He helps around the house. He even tries to cook Vlad a meal in thanks.
The dinner goes decently; the younger half ghost didn't burn it too badly. After, to Dan's displeasure, they train powers. Somehow, being in ghost form always makes the guilt worse, the memories clearer. It makes him nauseous. Every time, he's tempted to refuse to transform, just stay human and stop using his ghost form, maybe even stop using his powers all together. There's always that fear. What if he hurts someone? What if he hurts himself? He… his powers are too dangerous. But…
No. He can't think like that. He can't put that much distance between his two halves. That fear, that mistrust… That's part of what led to his split and full death in the first place.
So … He'll still use the powers but only to the minimum. He'll learn from Vlad and just try to live a normal life.
The older half ghost signs him up for school, a fancy private one. It feels so strange. He's supposed to be 24. But he never did graduate high school. He does look like a teenager now. And Vlad is so excited to get to drop him off (and teach him how to drive and to shave). So he'll participate without complaint. He'll go to school, use his second chance. But the guilt swells; he doesn't deserve this.
Dan promises to be the best student he can. He'll get all As, join all the clubs. He'll make Vlad proud. He'll make up for what he's done.
He stands up for bullied students, tutors other kids at school, helps his teachers. But it's not enough.
He volunteers. The soup kitchen, stream cleanings, the reading program at the elementary school. Anywhere and everywhere that needs help. If he can just keep doing good…
But there's so much pain in the world, so many problems. And his guilt is still crushing. He needs to do more. He needs to make up for what he did. He needs to be worthy of this second chance that he doesn't deserve.
But he's only one person. If only he could be in more than one place at a time.
Wait..
His powers. He can be in more than one place at a time. He can duplicate. He can be a state over helping after a tornado, in the nearest city delivering school supplies to children in need, and at the mansion acing his homework. All at the same time.
The thought makes his stomach flop anxiously. He can do that but… his powers can be dangerous. He had lost control. He'd used them for great evil in the past.
But… But he can use them for good too, right? That is what he'd done when he'd first gotten them all those years ago. He'd fought ghosts, he'd saved people. He'd been a hero. Before his second chance, before the thermos, what felt like more than a lifetime ago, he would have scoffed at the idea, mocked it. But now, the guilt is so heavy. He'd been given a second chance…
Dan starts using his powers to save people. From burning buildings, muggings, car crashes. He even saves cats from trees. He uses duplicates to be a model student, a dependable volunteer, a brave hero. He does everything he can, so much good. But it's not enough. It's never enough. He needs to do more. He has to do more. He's still so guilty. He still doesn't deserve what he's been given.
Dan works himself ragged. Vlad worries but nothing he says makes an impact. Dan does not listen. He can't stop. He can't stop, because Clockwork let him out of the thermos when the Ancient could have kept him trapped for an eternity. He could have just erased him from existence. He could have kept him trapped in his pain and anger. But the Master of Time placed him here. It's not the life he had before but it's a good one. He's alive. He'll get to grow up. He has Vlad who genuinely cares about him so much. He's making friends. Vlad is making him a little clone sister. There's so many opportunities. His future is open and bright.
But he doesn't deserve any of it.
After weeks of barely sleeping, of barely eating, of maintaining too many duplicates, Dan passes out on a random road, far from home. He'd just flown a teenage girl to the hospital after a car accident when exhaustion overtook him.
The halfa comes to, to the sound of a ticking clock.
"Daniel." An ancient voice says.
The younger ghost, in human form, looks up, meeting solid red eyes in a blue face. "Clockwork?" He breathes out. "What are you doing here? What am I doing here?" He looks around. "Where is here?"
Clockwork just stares for a long moment, expression serious. "You have been pushing yourself too hard."
Dan blinks, startled at the non-sequitur. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"That is why you are here." The Master of Time says, with a hint of a frown. "You pushed yourself to the point of exhaustion. I found you and brought you to my lair."
"You… You did?" The half ghost bites his lip, nervous. "Why?"
"I could ask you the same. Why have you repeatedly strained yourself to the point of exhaustion?"
Dan looks down shamefully. That tone… It sounds like the one Vlad uses when he came home late again, nearly falling over because he's so tired. Still … He tries to defend himself. "I… I'm trying to help people."
"Why?" The ancient ghost asks.
The question stabs at his heart. "Because it's the right thing to do."
Clockwork raises a brow. "Is that the truth? Your only reason?"
Dan is quiet for a long moment. He doesn't answer. He can't answer. How can he? How can he be truthful about the guilt he feels, how badly he needs to make up for what he did?
So he stays silent, head down. But… he feels the eyes on him. All seeing, all knowing red eyes. Staring straight into his soul. Those eyes that know all that he had done, the atrocities and the meager attempt at atonement.
Dan speaks before he really realizes. "I did so many horrible things. But I have a second chance now. So I… I'm trying to make the most of it. I need to make up for what I did. Maybe… Maybe if I do enough good, if I help enough people then… I'll prove that I was worth it, that this wasn't a mistake." The half ghost's eyes water. He is grasping at straws and he knows it. How can any of it be true? How can he ever be good enough after what he did? How can anyone forgive him?
Clockwork says nothing, even as his expression softens. Dan can't hope to understand the emotions conveyed there. Is it judgment, pity, compassion? What is the ancient ghost thinking? What does he really see, staring at the pathetic creature in front of him?
Pathetic, because that's what Dan is. He is guilty, filthy, rotten. An abomination down to his core. The tears welling in his eyes spill. "I didn't deserve it. A second chance. I don't. You could have… You could have erased me from existence. Or… Or kept me locked up forever. You… you should have. But you didn't. You saved me. You freed me. You… You gave me a second chance. Why? I didn't deserve it. Why? Why did you save me?" The half ghost lets out a sob, arms wrapping around himself.
In front of Dan, the air shifts as Clockwork approaches. "You are right. You did not deserve it."
The boy looks up, his breath cutting off. Of course, of course Clockwork thinks that. And he is right. Dan doesn't deserve-
"I chose to save you anyway."
Dan looks up at the proclamation, heart clenching.
"It was my decision of my own free will. Not made because your worthiness or anything you had done. But dependant on my mercy."
The Master of Time is so close now, close enough to touch.
"What?" The half ghost asks, barely audible.
Clockwork reaches forward, one hand extending towards Dan's face. "I saved you because I desired to. Therefore I made a way."
The younger ghost stiffens. "Why? Why would you do that? Why would you save-"
The Ancient pulls Dan to his chest. "Because you are precious to me, my beloved child."
Something in the halfa breaks. Sobs wrack his small frame. "No. You can't. I'm… I'm …."
"I have watch you since your birth." Clockwork whispers, so softly, so tenderly. "Your first breath. Your first step. Your first word. Every triumph and every failure. Every pain and every joy. I have seen it all." He rubs the boy's back. "Every path. Every variation. Every version. I know it all. And all along, I have longed to hold you in my arms."
Dan shakes with emotion. "I don't… I don't understand. How? How? I'm not.. I'm a monster."
"You are my child." The Ancient emphasizes, holding him closer.
The young half ghost does not understand. Clockwork's child? He barely knows the ghost; this is only the third time meeting him. And yet…
"My precious Daniel." Clockwork vows, voice ringing with love.
It is true. Somehow, impossibly, Dan has no doubt. None. The ancient ghost is authentic. He loves… He loves a monster, a broken wretched soul like him.
The young half ghost cries. He cries and cries, all while the Master of Time holds him. He cries until he falls asleep again.
Dan wakes in a soft bed in new clothes, his injuries treated. The Master of Time appears with a plate of food.
"Eat." Clockwork instructs.
The boy does so, thinking about all he'd learned. He has been saved, despite what he'd done. Clockwork gave him a second chance. Best yet, Clockwork loves him. Him, of all beings.
There is no rationalizing it. It makes no sense. It should have been impossible. And yet…
His heart clenches as he frowns. He doesn't deserve that love, not after he'd-
"Stop." Clockwork's hand appears on his shoulder. "Nothing you have done or will do can lessen my love for you, Daniel."
The boy looks down as one of the Ancient's fingers traces a bruise on his cheek. "You have worked so hard to earn that which you have been freely given. Cease your striving." Clockwork kisses his forehead. "You need not prove yourself to earn my love or forgiveness. Trust in my affection, in my mercy. My grace is sufficient for you."
Dan finally looks up. "You… You mean that? All of that?"
A nod. "I already said, there is nothing, Daniel, nothing that would lessen my care. Your second chance was a free gift. Accept it."
"But… What if I fail? What if I messed up again?"
"Then I will help you. Vladimir as well. We will face the consequences together. You need never be alone again. But… I know you do not wish to be the man you were before."
The boy vigorously shakes his head. "No. No. Never."
"Then keep doing good, for the love of what is right." Clockwork encouraged with a kind smile before adding more seriously. "But do not push yourself to this point again."
Dan nods. He will not, not after what he had learned, not after the impossible love and grace that he has received.
He reaches out and hugs Clockwork. "Thank you. Thank you so much."
Dan's heart swells with love as his embrace is returned.
"My son, my Daniel." The Master of Time says, with all the love of a father for his child.
And Dan never felt so loved, so protected, so cherished.