Chapter 29

It was such a beautiful, warm day outside that Izara felt guilty for staying inside to do paperwork for the first few hours of the morning. Once she had finished, she didn't have any more work to do and decided to go outside and read a book. It was her day off, after all. She rarely left the palace, even while off duty. She strolled back from the barracks into her room, grabbed her current novel off the nightstand, and casually began to make her way outside.

Though she wasn't supposed to be working today, she didn't want to do the paperwork later, and she checked in with all of the guards on her way outside. It was an essential part of her job to ensure she knew what was going on with the guards and make sure they were happy. An unhappy guard wouldn't do a good job, so she ensured everyone got what they needed. If they weren't feeling well, they went home and were replaced with one of the new guards that had been trained. The Captain had been doing his best to give everyone shifts they wanted, night shifts for those who liked being awake at night and dayshifts for those who had families.

So far, it had worked out famously, and everyone seemed much more alert when they were on guard. Izara waved to the two door guards and wondered where the best spot to sit would be. Somewhere in the sun, but not too warm. She reached the edge of the training grounds and looked out to see a few off-duty guards going through some forms, but something else drew her interest. As she sat down and mechanically opened her book, she found she couldn't look away.

The Fire Lord was going through some advanced, complex forms, and she couldn't help but stare at him. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and his pants hung low on his hips. His hair was tied up, but parts of it were falling out. His skin was practically glistening with sweat, and the shadows created by the sun reinforced his muscle tone. She watched from a shaded area and chewed her bottom lip. At this point, lying to herself just wasn't going to work. She was in no way, shape or form analysing his movements for training purposes. She was not trying to learn the form he was currently practising. She was staring at the incredibly attractive young man who made her heart race faster than she would like to admit. With a deep breath, she sat down, and her book fell open in her lap as her tongue wetted her lips. He continued going through his form with flawless precision and strength, the sheen of sweat making him almost glow in the afternoon sun.

He finished the form and took a few breaths with his hands on his hips. Her eyes dropped to the waistband of his pants, and she took notice of the small trail of dark hair that continued further down. She tried to tell herself that she wasn't interested in anything below that, that she was just appreciating the athletic body of a firebender, but she knew it was bullshit.

As if fate was holding a grudge against her, he saw her small form sitting cross-legged on the ledge and began walking over to her with a smile. Mentally, she scolded herself for staring, and she fumbled to figure out an explanation for why she was staring since 'Because you are gorgeous, Fire Lord Zuko' wouldn't really cut it.

Once he was a few metres away, she looked down at her book and tried to feign interest. His voice caused her to look back up at him, but she averted her eyes just as fast.

"Hey." He greeted her simply and began pulling his hair free from its tie before he noticed Izara staring pointedly at the ground. "Izara?"

She attempted to steel herself and looked at him. It was the wrong time to look as he adjusted the tie on the waistband of his pants and her eyes dropped to the lines of his hip bones. Cursing at herself mentally, she looked up at his face to find him grinning like he was very much enjoying himself despite his usual shyness.

"See something you like?" Zuko's voice was deep, sending her mind in circles.

His shy grin only grew when her jaw dropped, and she scrambled to her feet, dropped her book, and tried to pick it back up, only to drop it again. Finally, she got a hold of it and bowed before power-walking back into the palace, trying to keep the heat from rising to her face any more than it already was.

When she finally got back to the safety of her room, she tossed her book in the direction of her bed and looked at herself in the mirror. No one else was there to see the state she was in. She was red to the tips of her ears. A groan escaped her, and she slumped into a nearby chair. Frustrated with herself, she threw herself on the bed and tried to distract herself by reading. Instead, she spent about 10 minutes reading the same sentence repeatedly, and she gave up, dropping the book next to her. How was she supposed to face him like this? Every time she saw him now, she would envision him shirtless, going through bending forms. How would she train with him without imagining how it would feel to run her hands over those muscles? How could she focus when he was touching her to correct her stance or form?

She had to stop this train of thought. Now.

The only thing that would take her mind off it was training. Hoping he wasn't still outside, she carefully walked through the palace halls and peered out. She didn't see him out there and sighed with relief. The off-duty guards had gone, too, so she had the whole space to herself. She warmed up with basic forms and stretched between each one. Soon enough, she distracted herself sufficiently and had forgotten why she had started training in the first place.

An hour later, she was up to the most advanced form that she had memorised but wasn't very good at yet. Zuko had only started teaching her this one last week, and she still had to adjust her stances in a few spots and the positioning of some of her techniques. She worked on the form for another half an hour, trying to mesh it out and ensure that she got it all correct.

Absentmindedly, she wondered where Zuko was so she could ask him if she got everything right. Somewhere in the back of her head, alarm bells rang when she thought of him, but she couldn't remember what it was.

"You forgot the last kick again." Zuko's voice sounded in her mind, and she groaned and rolled her eyes at herself. She forgot it every time they went through it together and made the same mistake again today. No wonder something didn't feel right.

Quickly, Izara went through the form once more, just so she could try and remember to add in the last kick, and she sighed, satisfied when she remembered it, then finished off the form. When she was finished, she felt someone watching her and looked to her right to find that Zuko was actually standing there. She yelped in surprise, and he flinched at her outburst.

"Ugh, sorry. I thought I was imagining your voice." She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palms and dragged them down her face dramatically. She gave him the most polite bow she could, considering how tired she was.

"I didn't mean to startle you." He replied quietly but with a smirk at her reaction.

"What are you out here for? I thought you had a meeting with the council today." She asked, scratching the back of her head.

"I already did. You must have been out here for a while." He answered apprehensively. "I was trying to find you, actually. I, uh…wanted to apologise for earlier today."

His voice became sheepish, and he stared at his feet briefly before making eye contact with her again. Her face was an even mask, but she was screaming internally.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable. I told you when we first met that I'm not good at small talk." He tried to laugh it off, but her face didn't change.

"It's fine. I was the one being rude anyway." She offered since she did feel a bit bad about it.

"Rude? No." he vigorously shook his head, and she merely raised an eyebrow in question. "If I'm entirely honest, it actually put me in a really good mood." Her eyes narrowed at him, and she silently asked him to elaborate.

"So, I'm the Fire Lord, right. I'm constantly unsure and second-guessing every single thing that I do and say. I find that I'm always at odds with myself. But today, when you were…watching me, I felt…a bit better about myself, more confident." He shrugged and chuckled awkwardly.

Izara's eyes dropped, and she stared at the ground. She didn't let her face change, but secretly his words had made her happy. In her position, she felt the same, always unsure and second-guessing, so she could definitely sympathise with him. Now that she thought about it, she realised that her self-confidence must also be lacking severely. Obviously, something good had come from it, aside from her simply enjoying the view.

"Not to mention that the scar on my face doesn't exactly help with my looks." He spoke much quieter this time, and his expression was surprisingly vulnerable.

Her brow knit together as she felt sorry for him. There was nothing she could say or do to make it go away, but she could cheer him up. From what she knew, it seemed that the scar didn't stop him from having a fan club. Girls of all ages found him attractive. She had even heard Lia talk about how handsome he looked in his formal robes before. He was receiving marriage proposals constantly, and she knew that he had dated in the past. Although the scar hadn't stopped all that, she knew that it would affect her confidence if she was in his shoes.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I had to come out and train because I kept…daydreaming instead of reading my book." She flushed faintly at the admission and looked back up at him. His eyes were wide, and he felt the heat rise to his cheeks as the meaning behind her words clicked in his head.

The young man made an awkward sound between a laugh and a cough and ran his hand through his hair. Hopefully, her admission might help to further boost his confidence. After all, he was a normal red-blooded male despite being the Fire Lord. He was still just a man.

"Thanks." He smiled, looking like he was a teenager again, and she returned it a little more bashfully.

"For embarrassing myself twice in one day? You're welcome." Her tone was teasing, and his smile turned into a grin.

"I feel lucky you haven't caught me staring yet, but I suppose I should own up now since you have. It's only fair."

He was normally charming in an adorable way, but that was smooth, and her jaw dropped in response. Luckily, no bug flew into it to further embarrass her. She thought her eyes would fall out of her head; they must have been so wide. She went red again, and he huffed lightly. Zuko crossed his arms over his chest, and Izara just kept staring at him. With a deep breath, she chuckled and shook her head to try and dispel her thought process.

"W-we should head in, my Lord. Dinner will probably be ready by now." She turned towards the doors to the palace, and Zuko followed, taking fewer steps since his legs were longer than hers.

Izara was hyper-aware of how close he was walking to her. Occasionally their arms would brush against one another. Though she knew she should distance herself, she couldn't bring herself to do it. They walked together slowly until they reached Zuko's chambers. Izara opened the door for him and stepped inside to hold it open for him.

"Isn't it supposed to be me opening the door for you?" he offered with a smirk.

"In a normal situation, I suppose. Do you consider yourself a gentleman, my Lord?" Izara quipped without hesitation and smirked back at him.

He linked his hands together behind his back and walked towards her. The confidence boost hadn't worn off yet, and she was a little surprised to find herself attempting to blatantly flirt with him. She wasn't incredibly popular with men as she wasn't tall and elegant, but she had had her fair share of interactions. Her bravery right now astounded her, though. Her hand fell from the door handle, and she stepped backward until her back was up against the wall.

"Hmm, I can't say I've thought about it. I'll admit that I am finding it difficult right now." His hands were separated, and he placed one on the wall just next to Izara's head.

She held his gaze evenly and tenaciously and watched his golden eyes darken with temptation. His gaze dropped from her eyes to her mouth, and she saw him lick his lips. Her heart began to race even faster, and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as he placed his other hand on her hip. He closed the distance between them but pulled back momentarily just to gauge her reaction. When she stretched her neck out slightly to follow him, he didn't spare another second before he pressed his lips to hers.

It was incredible. If Izara didn't know better, she could swear that sparks were literally flying around them. Everything at that moment felt...right. Like she was at home in his arms. She appreciated that he was being cautious at first and could feel him holding back. Clearly, he wanted more but wasn't pushing it for her sake. Although she was definitely attracted to him, it was probably better for her not to rush into anything as well.

Her train of thought made her remember that Zuko was the Fire Lord after all, and it made the desire in her mind clear for a moment. If they continued, then they would definitely be sharing a bed; if not today, then soon enough. She knew she had strong feelings for him, but was he only interested in something physical with her? Not that it would bother her, but surely it would be more complicated with that considering his position.

Although it hurt to admit it to herself, she also knew that she, an ordinary girl, could never be with the Fire Lord himself, let alone any royalty. Her heart constricted in her chest, though she willed it not to. She was an ex-assassin and had no right to deserve the affection of someone like Zuko. He was so kind and considerate of everyone around him, and his compassion should have been spent on other, more deserving people. She had done too many irredeemable things, and had too much blood on her hands to deserve happiness and to be loved by someone like Zuko. Not only did she not deserve someone like him, but she didn't have a right to seek out something like this after all the horrible things she had done in her life.

Anxiety hit her like a tonne of bricks, and she stopped, pushing him away with her hands on his broad shoulders. His darkened eyes looked at her for a sign of what was going on, and he carefully let her go after seeing her expression.

"Sorry, am I going too fast?" his breathing was slightly laboured, and she didn't respond. "What is it?" he asked, his brow knit tightly together in a frown.

"We…we can't do this." She answered in a whisper.

He stepped back, and the look on his face answered her question about if he had feelings for her. It wasn't disappointment from not getting laid, but she could see that he was hurt emotionally at getting rejected.

She dropped her hands, and he stepped back. "I'm sorry, Zuko."

Before he could say anything, she went out the door.

Zuko spun around, so his back was against the wall, slid down to sit on the floor, and put his head in his hands. Though he couldn't say that was the right way to go about it, he could feel that she wasn't just giving in to him because he was the Fire Lord or anything else. He could swear that her soft touch meant more than just a physical desire. The way that she said his name, even though it was in apology, still made his heart race. It was the rare times she had said it without referring to him as the Fire Lord or her firebending master.

He exhaled heavily, shaky breaths being the best he could do and vowed to find out why they couldn't be together. If he had rushed or pushed too fast, he would get down on his knees, beg for forgiveness, and ask for another chance. He didn't know why she would turn him away like that, even when he was almost positive that they felt the same about one another.

They had been flirting for months now, and he had come to have strong feelings for her in the time they'd known each other. Now he was just so confused. She had been responding to his terrible pick-up lines by laughing, winking or even playfully punching his arm. She certainly wasn't turning her nose up or looking at him like she was disgusted by the idea. Their training sessions had been so much fun, and he had felt like they had developed a real bond.

Maybe he had gone too fast. He hit his forehead with the heel of his palm, punishing himself for making the error. Had he misread her friendliness as a romantic interest? Was she just trying to be a good person and help him feel better about himself rather than returning his flirting because she felt the same? He didn't even know whether she was attracted to guys. For all he knew, she could be gay or asexual. They didn't have another training session until next week, so hopefully, he would have plenty of time to figure out what to say and how to apologise. He groaned loudly as he tried to think what to say to her.

After sitting against the wall for an indeterminable amount of time, he crawled into bed and pulled the covers over himself.

Mentally and emotionally exhausted, he fell into a broken sleep…