"Revenge is not the way of the Jedi."

- Vader to Leia, Chapter 7

Chapter 6: Expectations

Day 1 - Centaxday

Luke woke up groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He ignored C3PO and… Wait, where was C3PO?

Luke looked around and couldn't believe his eyes – he was lying on a cot in a spaceship – not in his own bed. It was… It was the next day! He was out of the time loop, he… he'd made it!

Luke jumped to his feet and started running through the ship, laughing like a lunatic. Han was there, complaining about the noise. Chewie was there, growling something incomprehensible. The droids where there. Ben came stumbling out of his part of the crew quarters.

It was the next day. It was Centaxday.

"Luke, what in the name of the Force is going on? Why are you laughing?" Ben, no, Obi-Wan asked.

"It's the next day!" Luke exclaimed happily.

"My, someone is a morning person", Han made sleepily.

"You don't understand", Luke said. "For the last couple of weeks I've been living through the same day, over and over and over again. It didn't matter what I did, where I went, who I talked to, nothing. I would wake up on the morning of the same day again. Except for today!"

"Wait, you want to tell me you've been stuck in a time loop?" Han asked incredulously.

Luke nodded happily, glad to finally be able to tell someone who would remember it.

The smuggler shook his head. "You're crazy, kid. Absolutely bonkers." Chewie howled an agreement but Obi-Wan looked pensive, stroking his beard.

"I've never heard of a day repeating like that. Not outside of fiction, in any case. Are you sure it wasn't a dream?"

"No, I definitely lived through it", Luke said. "I even died a couple of times! Stormtroopers came to our farm, looking for the droids. My uncle had brought them from the Jawas a few weeks ago - that was yesterday. I spend most of the loop using them as target practice, the troopers I mean, not the droids. I also learned some binary from 3PO. Damn, I left him at the farm. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter. It's R2 who has the super important message from the rebel princess, isn't it?"

Han and Chewie seemed to have lost interest in Luke's tale and left the common area but Obi-Wan was listening closely.

"You know about my mission then?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah, in the first loop you showed me the complete message. You're heading to Alderaan to bring the plans of some battle station to Princess Leia's father."

"That's right. And you've decided to join in on the adventure?" the Jedi asked.

Luke hesitated.

"Well... I wasn't going to, at first. You told me some pretty nasty lies, Obi-Wan. I still haven't forgiven you for that. I know that hasn't happened to you but I still remember it."

Obi-Wan looked surprised. "Lies? What lies have I told you? Aside from my name, which you evidently know now - I had to use an alias, you see, the Empire is not too fond of the Jedi."

Luke's gaze darkened. "You told me that Darth Vader killed my father. But that's not true. In another loop, I caught you in your own lies and you admitted that it's the other way around. You tried to kill my father. But you failed and then he became Vader. Isn't that right?"

Obi-Wan's face went pale.

"I... I'm sorry, Luke. That's not how you were supposed to find out."

"How was I supposed to find out?" Luke asked. "Would you have ever told me?"

Obi-Wan sighed. He looked very tired. "The Force is very strong in you, Luke. Just like it was in Anakin. I would've liked to train you as a Jedi but your uncle didn't want that. I had hoped that the older you got, the more your talent would show and he'd finally agree, if only so you'd learn how to hide your abilities. But time passed, you grew up and I was never welcome on your farm. I thought it was too late. Jedi training is normally started in early childhood. Tatooine is a remote planet without any significant Imperial presence. Maybe, I thought, you really could live your whole life there, unbothered by the past. But it seems the Force has other plans."

"So you never would've told me", Luke concluded. "If the droids hadn't shown up, if I hadn't gotten stuck in the loop, I never would've known."

"It is useless to discuss what if's, Luke. The Force guides my actions. It brought you here, it helped you learn. That means you were always supposed to know."

"I don't know if I want to become a Jedi", Luke said honestly. "I always had a feeling I was meant for more than just a farmer... But knowing how wrong everything went for my father, I'm not sure it's the right path for me."

Obi-Wan looked disappointed. "A Jedi is a protector of the weak and innocent. You have to look into your own heart and see if that is a cause worthy to dedicate your life to. If the answer is no, if you prefer to reach for adventure or glory or credits or even if all you want is a quiet life with a wife and children one day, then you are right, the path of the Jedi is not for you. But I'll be honest with you, the galaxy needs the Jedi. Now more than ever. And there are almost none left. For all I know, I could be the last. I believe you would make a good Jedi and I would be happy to teach you."

Luke still felt conflicted. "If being a Jedi is such a big commitment, why do you start training in early childhood? I still don't know if I could do it and I'm 19. 10 year old me was even more clueless."

"A sense of justice and empathy for the weak is something that most beings pick up in that phase, or even younger", Obi-Wan explained. "Jedi training also takes a long time. If a person starts training but then stops half way through and chooses a different life, that can have very bad consequences - as it did with your father. He fell to the dark side, started to use forbidden techniques and betrayed everything he stood for before. A Jedi who is raised as such knows exactly what is expected of them from the very start. Fulfilling the expectations we set for ourselves and the ones set by others generally makes us happy. But if an outsider starts Jedi training without fully knowing what it'll mean, they might have unrealistic or wrong expectations. Maybe the expectations they've been raised with before will clash with that of the Jedi. That leads to unhappiness and suffering. Your father started training late, at least compared to his peers. His expectations of what he should be and what a Jedi should be were very different from reality. I did not recognize that until it was too late. I did not see the pain he was in until he started lashing out at others..."

"What exactly happened?" Luke asked, fascinated.

Briefly pain flashed over Obi-Wan's face before he adopted a mask of calmness again.

"To this day, I do not know exactly what happened. He had finished his training and hadn't been my pupil for nearly three years by that point already. We still fought together side by side often during the Clone Wars. But he was making his own decisions without my guidance. A large part of the fault can certainly be put at the Emperor's feet. Sheev Palpatine, also known as the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, was the High Chancellor of the Republic back then. Unbeknownst to everyone, even the Jedi, he was also a powerful Force-user who used the dark side of the Force to gather more power. To nearly everyone who knew him though, he appeared as a kindly old man. Anakin was one of his closest confidants. I can only imagine what lies and manipulations he's told him over the years. Then, there was your mother. She was a constant well of conflict for your father. He loved her deeply and I believe she loved him too. But Jedi are not allowed to marry, to give their love to only one person so absolutely. He wanted to be a Jedi yet he also wanted to be with her. The fear of losing someone we love can do terrible things to a person. As can grief when that loss becomes inevitable. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. I believe that is the path your father took and on that path, he lost himself completely."

The more he heard, the more Luke thought being a Jedi was a terrible idea. Luke had never really thought about marriage or children. But it was certainly an expectation he'd been raised with. He was 19, he'd done his fair share of checking out the fairer sex and dreaming of having a girlfriend, just as all his mates had done. When he'd dreamed of a life among the stars, he'd also dreamed of romance. Sure, if he never found anyone it wouldn't be the end of the universe. But if he did find someone and then had to decide between his career and life's purpose so far and that one person? That would no doubt be a hard choice. Especially since he didn't understand why he shouldn't have both.

"Why did the Jedi forbid marriage?" Luke asked. "Isn't it easier to relate to strangers if you've first experienced what it's like to love someone?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "That, my boy, was a hotly debated issue for millennia. This rule is a relatively recent one. Personally, I think you're right. When I was a Padawan, a Jedi learner myself, around your age, I was a bit of an arrogant brat. I was looking down on the weak more than I wanted to help them. It was only by forging friendships with people outside the order that I learned to really incorporate an appreciation for all life that stands at the core of the Jedi teachings. Of course, the Jedi order does not exist anymore. No such rules could be enforced anymore, even if I wanted to. If you decide to become a Jedi, you would be the very first of a new generation. I don't want to teach you the doctrine of a failed order. Evidently, we did something wrong. What's important is to keep the big picture in mind and remember that all of your actions have consequences. Sometimes, you might have the choice between protecting one person or protecting many. Such a choice is incredibly difficult to make. On the surface, saving the many would be the right choice. But though all life is equally precious, some people have the potential to save or better many more lives during to their position, origin, connection or power. This difference can mean that sacrificing many lives for one will ultimately result in more good. But if such decisions become influenced by our personal feelings, when our own greed, selfishness or yes, even our attachments, make us sacrifice the many for the few, then we do not deserve to call ourselves Jedi. So the old order believed. But again, on the other hand, if you know that you love someone so much that loosing them in a violent way would drive you over the edge, that connection alone might make one person more important, even in the grand scheme of things, than a larger group of individuals. Considering how many lives your father destroyed in the wake of your mother's death, if she could've been saved, maybe it would've prevented a lot of suffering."

"Wait, I'm getting confused", Luke made. "Did loving my mother help my father stay in the light and so he fell when she was gone? Or did loving my mother drive him towards the dark side because he feared losing her?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "A little bit of both, I suspect. Your father was far from the only Jedi who fell to the dark side during the Clone Wars. It was a very violent time that made many doubt their calling. And as I said, he'd been groomed by the Emperor for many years. Maybe he would've fallen earlier if it weren't for your mother. Maybe he would've never fallen at all."

"What was she like? My mom?" Luke asked.

"Well, her name was Padmé Amidala. She was the senator of Naboo..."

For the next few hours Obi-Wan regaled him with tales of both his mother and father. Sometimes he stopped and fell into a sad silence till Luke changed the subject. Other times he struggled through obviously painful memories.

The Falcon wouldn't arrive at Alderaan until the next day and so they had a lot of time to just talk. In the evening Luke went to bed with his head filled with tales of adventure and feeling a little closer to his father. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to be a Jedi but learning about Anakin Skywalker helped him to get an idea what it would even mean.

XxX

Day 2 - Centaxday

Luke woke up in the morning on his cot in the Falcon and gave a healthy yawn. He got himself some breakfast, greeted Obi-Wan as he came out of his own quarters and then made his way to the cockpit.

"How long till we arrive at Alderaan?" Luke asked Han, who was sitting in the pilot's seat.

Han laughed. "Don't be so impatient, kid. We'll only arrive there tomorrow."

Luke froze. "Tomorrow? But... you said yesterday we'd arrive today."

Han scowled. "The journey is 46 hours. We started yesterday at midday so we have quite a ways to go yet."

Luke had a bad feeling about this.

"But... Today is Taungsday, isn't it? Isn't it?"

"Have you been dreaming, kid? It's still Centaxday."

Luke's heart sank to his stomach. Not again. Oh by the Stars, please not again!

Luke sprinted back down to the common area, almost bowling over Obi-Wan as he went.

"Obi-Wan! We talked the whole day yesterday about my mom and dad, didn't we? Didn't we!?"

"Good morning to you too, Luke", Obi-Wan said cheerfully. "I'm not sure what you mean, we only ran into each other in the cantina shortly before leaving Tatooine. Of course, if you'd like to talk about your father, there's a few things I could tell you. He used to be my pupil, you know..."

Luke stared at him in horror. Obi-Wan didn't remember. The day was repeating - again!

Distraught, Luke fell into a seat next to the old Jedi and buried his head in his hands.

"Luke? What is going on?" Obi-Wan asked.

Luke just groaned and didn't answer. In the end though he gave a long suffering sigh and explained the time loop. Again. But just like the last time, Obi-Wan had never heard of such a thing and could only compare it to visions or dreams. That was not what was happening to Luke, he was sure.

In his desperation, this time around he asked Han for help instead.

"Wait, so you're saying you're repeating the same day over and over? You even died and it started again?" Han laughed. "Kid, I don't know why you're making such a face. It sounds like a dream to me. You can do whatever you want! Go nuts, boy! Just don't destroy the Falcon please. And no running naked in the corridors!"

Luke made a face. "I did enough of that in the first loop already. There's a lot less to do on the Falcon than there was in Mos Eisley." He perked up a bit. "But I can try learning a new skill! Hey, can we exit hyperspace early and you let me fly the Falcon?"

"Absolutely not!" Han laughed. "Wait, you were serious? No, stupid! Drawing out of hyperspace early can seriously damage a ship! I'm not putting my baby through that just so can play pilot."

Chewie gave a series of howls.

"What? No, but-" Han made.

Chewie growled.

The smuggler sighed. "Fine. I guess I can let you use the simulation program to practice, if you really want to."

"Sweet! Thank's, Han!"

XxX

Day 89 - Centaxday

The third time in a row that Luke broke all records of the flight simulator by a wide enough margin to make Han's eyes bug out, Luke decided he wouldn't improve his piloting skills with just simulations any longer. He was also now a master sabaac player, could make 32 improvements to the Falcon with just a single hydrospanner and a bit of help from R2 and was decent enough at Shriwook to hold a conversation with Chewie.

The second loop was now officially way longer than the first. Luke was starting to worry it would never end.

The months of busywork had distracted Luke from the simmering resentment in his stomach whenever he thought of Obi-Wan. He often said that it was the Force that led Luke to their group or similar things. What if he was right? What if the Force wanted Luke to do something specific out there in the galaxy? What if the only way to end the loops was to accept the old man's offer to train him as a Jedi?

But what could that fate be? Luke had the very, very bad feeling that it had something to do with his very much alive father. Family was important on Tatooine. Darth Vader might be evil but that didn't mean that Luke ought to have to kill him. In fact, he felt he was the last person who ought to do it.

But what if he was the only one who could?

After three months in the second loop though, Luke ran out of other things to do to occupy his time with. So he went to Obi-Wan in the morning and he told him:

"R2 told me you're a Jedi, Obi-Wan. I would like to train to be one too."

Obi-Wan needed exactly zero convincing, despite all the very real concerns about age and expectations and the fate of Luke's father.

Luke might've hated him a little bit when all he did was smile and say:

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Luke. Let me tell you about the Force..."

XxX

Day 146 - Centaxday

"Well... you certainly have a talent for lightsabers", Obi-Wan said impressed after Luke easily deflected 20 laser beams in a row from the practice droid.

He pulled off the helmet that blocked his vision and looked at the old Jedi annoyed.

"Right, now about that lightsaber form-"

"You are being too impatient", Obi-Wan admonished him. "Before you can start learning Form V, you have to train Form I. It incorporates many basic movements that-"

"Fine, fine, yes, Form I", Luke growled, raised his saber and quickly went through the basic katas that he'd finished memorizing two months ago. "There you go, Form I. Can we move on now?"

The old Jedi blinked at him in surprise. "How do you know those movements?"

"Holonet dramas", Luke lied. He didn't bother thinking up something more elaborate. During the last couple of weeks, a faint Force-Bond had started to form between him and Obi-Wan. It made the old Jedi even more eager to teach him but unfortunately, it also made him harder to lie to. Luke tried his best to keep it shut most of the time, except when they were practising Force-techniques that required the Jedi to share certain sensations with him to teach him. He was still sore about the lies Obi-Wan would always tell him whenever the subject of his father would come up for a first time. Obi-Wan had started to become way more careful with his wording ever since the bond started to form, which only irritated Luke more. Form a certain point of view, my ass.

"I see", Obi-Wan made slowly. "Maybe we should take a short break. There's more to the Force than lightsaber duels. If you can-"

Luke raised his right hand and pointed it at the kitchen corner, making all three pots, four cups and a number of utensils float up, hover there for exactly five seconds, then lower themselves down again in their exact same spots.

"I've been able to use the Force for a while", Luke claimed. "I want to refine my abilities, I don't need to start from scratch."

"Well", Obi-Wan made flustered, "I suppose you do have a build that would be fit for Form V. These are the beginner katas..."

Satisfied, Luke waited till Obi-Wan had demonstrated everything. Then he skipped over the five katas he'd already perfected, starting right with the sixth, where he'd left off yesterday.

Obi-Wan looked almost relieved when Luke made a mistake. He felt much more comfortable when he could actually correct something in his form. Luke ignored the suspicious looks his teacher gave him. It had taken him barely fifteen minutes to get him to start the training where he wanted him too. That was a new record.

Sweaty but satisfied with his progress, Luke fell into his cot in the evening. Tomorrow, he'd try sparring the old man again. It had been three weeks since his last beating and his ego could withstand another one. He wondered what Obi-Wan's face would look like in a few years, when he actually managed to beat him...

With that happy thought, Luke went to sleep.

XxX

AN: Only a short chapter today, sadly, but on time! I'm amazed how many of you are reading, following and commenting on this story and so happy that you like it. Really, it makes my heart all fluttery. Please keep doing this!

Next time, we'll be getting Vader's POV on Centaxday!