She don't like it, this violent throbbing in her sinking heart, this sharp pang of tears stinging her watery eyes. This horrible and annoying feeling she can't figure out dwelling in her fragile heart like a sharp thorn stuck deep in her bleeding flesh. That no matter how much she ripped into herself, she could never get rid of it, to stop this mess from spreading deeper into her chest. She felt rotten, her head spun like annoying flies buzzing over a maggot infesting meat. And to know that she was even capable of feeling like this. It wasn't fair, it never was, and it never will be. She would do anything to get rid of it, to forget that this ugly feeling was ever there in the first place, to bury it deep inside her conscious where she would never have to think of it ever again. That she would be the only one who can smell how bad her inside really was.
You never see where it was coming from but you can still smell them, the disgusting and putrid smell of yellowish maggot wriggling around. Lies is such a beautiful gift.
Of the soft whispers and sweet promises luring her, tricking her, using her weakness against her like a sugary apple made of cotton candy. It was pathetic, she was pathetic for listening to them, for wanting so hard to believe in their tempting song. For being such a pitiful idiot that she don't even know what she was feeling anymore with the horrible mess piling up in her heavy head threatening to fall off her shoulder.
She had failed so much...
And yet she still smile...
It was the only thing she can do, the only thing she was ever good at.
In the end, she just wanted to smile. Or at least to one day wear a decent smile people would be happy with. To not worry the few people who still cares about her more than she already did. To know that no matter how unfair and cruel the world can be, she still have the choice to be happy, to smile for the people around her, to show that even in the face of disparity, kindness will always prevail. That in the end nothing can really bother her as long as she was being content and grateful with what she already have.
That everything would be fine as long as everyone around her were happy. It was a foolish thought but one she placed her faith in.
You can not fail if you never try...
Is it wrong of her for thinking so? Is it selfish of her for not wanting people to worry about her for once? Is she really fine with living the rest of her pathetic life like this?
She don't know...
She honestly don't think she have the answer for that...
If she would ever find the answer for it...
There is nothing that she wanted more in this world than for them to be happy. Then why does it need to hurt her this much? Why can't she stop her heart from screaming at her with each painful throbs stabbing into her hollow chest. Why did she feel like throwing up everything in her twisting stomach everytime she saw them?
Just why? Why can't she understand this accursed feeling plaguing her mind, to just be happy for them, to smile like she always does around them. She was the one who said she was fine with living like this, to not put herself in a situation that will only cause more harm than good like she was well known of by everyone around her. To not bat an eye when someone was speaking ill behind her back. But it doesn't really matter, not to her, not when they didn't even bother trying to hide their mockery Infront of her anymore with their blatant amusement on behalf of her misery. To see her as less than them because of her difficulty. Where she can only smile in return even when she wasn't laughing with them.
Say what they want but she know the truth, she had always known the truth no matter how much they refused to admit their concern. It was simple as it was obvious, as plain as the receding tide calling for the sea to claim the land, swallowing everything to the nameless abyss.
They just simply don't trust her enough to take care of herself, that she was too kind for this world which will only swallow her whole when she least expected it to.
And as much as she don't want to admit it, they were right, they always are. That she can't do anything without them.
She wanted to be kind, to know that nothing being kind can't resolve. But this isn't something she was prepared for. She don't know how she should look at it, how she should feel about it, what she should do, could even do to be honest.
She was a liar... a horrible liar...
For as good as she was at lying to other people, she was only doing so in the hope of one day that she would also be able to believe it. In the lie she found her comfort within to soothe her own sorrow lingering deep within her wounded heart.
It should be easy for her, for the girl who has been lying to herself her entire life. Then what is stopping her now, what is stopping her from smiling at them. What is making her stupid heart feel like this that she can't help but struggled to put a smile on her face. It don't even need to be genuine, a fake one would be more than enough. Then why is it just so hard? Why did her heart need to betray her this much when she needed it the most. Can she even trust herself anymore?
She never thought it was possible, that being kind can be so painful, like a drop of poison spreading through her blood, rotting her body from the inside, slowly killing her while denying herself of what she needed. A closure, a cure, an answer, anything to stop these questions etching into her stuffed head with nothing to help her out from the bottomless pit she had fallen into.
She know she wasn't that smart, that people often belittled her for falling for the simplest of mistake. That a child would be praised for not turning up like her.
And she wanted to cry, even through the soft smile of ignorance she begrudgingly placed on her stoic face, she wanted nothing more than to scream her heart out. To rip herself to pieces, to make this ugly smile disappear from her face, to show how hideous she truly was, how disgusting her feeling was.
She just don't understand, why does it need to be so hard?
She kept asking herself that, repeating the question in her head like a broken record scratching all over again, looking for an answer she have no clue where to start searching from. This feeling is as real as it was painful, she at least know that much already. It was the same but also different in ways that she don't exactly know how to put it into words.
It was scary, to find out something about yourself that you don't know about. Much less when it was clearly something that has always been there, lurking under the lies she had created for herself as a form of fleeting comfort she desperately hide herself within like the coward she was.
She liked to think she know herself well enough, that she know the difference between good and bad, to make her decision by that same way of thinking when she needed to.
But how was she supposed to deal with this, when she herself don't even know what she was feeling, when being kind only ended up hurting her the most in a way she almost felt like dying. That she would rather stop breathing than subjecting herself to this cruel fate playing with her feeling like a broken toy, disassembling and assembling it again and again to find out what is wrong with her.
To have her breath taken away from her, to have her body shaken with fear and uncertainty, to have everything in her life being challenged with a decision she don't know she can make.
It wasn't fair...
For life to make her decide when she don't know where to start from, for her heart to feel this way when she don't know what was hurting her, for them, the people she trust the most to mess up everything she used to know about herself.
The two most important people in her life, both who had seen the highest and lowest moment of her life with nothing but track of lies behind it.
Both she couldn't afford to lose...
...
It was late, far too late in the night for anyone to be awake, much less so alive with the rapid heartbeat slamming in her chest not only from trepidation but also anticipation no matter how many times she had done this already. And yet a door slowly creaked open in the dark hallway, and among the soft sound of light snoring, a tall silhouette carefully stepped out from one of the room in the second floor. Ever so aware of her dark surrounding from her memory alone. One short glance at her roommate's bed to make sure that she was asleep under her blanket, the figure closed the door, leaned her back against it, and took a deep breath to calm herself down before finally started heading to her destination, the place that has been a constant reminder to her mind, calling her with what promise residing within it. A promise she rightfully claimed for herself as she sought for.
Her body shivered at the cold air brushing against her exposed skin as her bare feet stepping lightly over the old wooden floor as to not make any sudden noise from the loose board creaking under her weight. Though, it was also kind of unnecessary since she would like to think that she wasn't that heavy to begin with. She could have turn on the light, but that would have defeated the entire purpose of her sneaking out of her room like this. It wasn't exactly necessary but there is nothing wrong with being careful, and in the house of 13 people where privacy is only as thin as the wall which separated them, it was probably for the better that she be as cautious as she can. Lest she want to figure out an excuse if anyone ever see her out like this.
After all, she need to be...
It was a given considering she was the one who chose to keep up with this foolish charade she had gotten herself into. To seek solace under the night sky with her presence ever so hidden in the blinding dark veiling her desire where no one can see it. That she just can't stop herself from going there, from being there, from staying there... with him.
To be in the only place she know with all of her heart she can actually call her sanctuary, with the person she can truly be herself with. And as embarrassing as it was for her to admit, the person she also felt most safe and secure to be completely vulnerable with. To have the person who know everything about her, who not only understand her but also accepted her for who she is, of the stupid and naive girl she resented the most living inside herself. That no matter how ugly some moment in her life can be, of how low she might have fallen, he would always be there for her, to get her back up on her feet. To have his soft voice and gentle touch comforting her with his warm presence always soothing her beating heart with his singing her a soft melody.
An addiction she don't think she could ever stop herself from having more of...
Though like an addiction also, it would occasionally start to be painful for her whenever she got away from him for too long. To have this sharp sensation of longing tightening around her aching heart when their eyes met even if only for a quick glimpse of a second. Of how his gaze softened with the fond smile gracing his small lips. And how could she not? When the subject of her affection was only a few feet away from her, to have what she wanted the most so close within her reach, and yet also so far away with the restraint she need to put on herself. That she can't do anything to claim her prize like she was supposed to. And honestly, she was probably having it way worse in her case. Because unlike any other drug, hers was the most dangerous one with how far she was willing to go for his sake, for them to always be together, even under the unlikely circumstances of their relationship being less than favorable with how dangerous it was, not only for her, but him, the person she should be protecting.
And not once, before or after the day they shared their true feelings, of them being vulnerable with each other, did she ever stop doing that...
It was her given right, a responsibility that she will always uphold as her top priority, and nothing, she literally mean it, nothing in this accursed world can ever make her change that about herself. She would be dead before she would allow something bad ever happen to him, and she don't plan of letting herself lose to that fate anytime soon. Not when she finally got what she wanted, not when there is still so much that she wanted to do with him... and not when, not when her heart was desperately calling for his name.
The entire world could be turned up against her and yet she know everything would still be fine as long as she got him by her side. That she will never be alone to face the harsh obstacles waiting ahead of her, especially with the choice she had made weighing heavily on her shoulders.
But she already expected that...
Fate isn't fair, a child could be born today and a man could be dead in the middle of nowhere tomorrow. Good and bad was just two different sides of a same coin, a flip of chance, one can't exist without the other. And as some people would let something like fate to lead their path, she would rather chose what her heart wanted instead after so many regrets haunting her sleepless night. And there is nothing she wanted more in this unfair world than to live a life with him always by her side.
Speaking of which...
She stood solemnly infront the door at the end of the hallway, her breath hitched and her heart skipped a beat in hesitation. She don't know if this feeling will ever go away. It has just been so long, so long since she was holding everything back, herself from falling to this path, to the ugly desire she had once kept locked away deep inside the confinement of her own heart slowly breaking apart. And she still do in some way, she still need to hide it, to have her feeling forsaken by the entire world. But it doesn't matter, she know it doesn't need to, not when she don't need to hide it from him, not anymore. And she couldn't possibly ask for more than that. It would be selfish of her to ask for more than that. And she know just how grateful she should be. It was more than enough to have her feeling held dearly by him, the one she chose to spend her life with.
Slightly frowning, she lightly pressed her right palm against the old and worn out wooden door barely separating them, feeling the bumps and cracks accumulated over the years of abuse from the rest of their sisters constantly barging in there without a care for his privacy. Though she also wasn't innocent either with how many times she had done so. She was just as guilty as they were, perhaps even more with her personal reason being less than modest than the rest of them.
Her eyes going to the slightly rusty knob for a moment, the lock though existed only remaining there as a loose suggestion with how easily it was for him to fall for their pleas for his warm company, a gentle reminder of the type of person he is. Their situation might be complicated but he is a simple person, or at least he would like to think so about himself. He sees the world as it is and do what he can to make it possibly better, even if most of the time he was only doing so for all of them, his sisters. A duty he selflessly took upon himself when he clearly don't need to, especially not for her. Not for someone who don't deserve his unyielding love.
Letting out her breath, she carefully twisted the knob, slowly pushing it open while anxiously listening to the squeaking sound of the door moving from its loose hinges. Her heartbeat picking up more pace in the quiet and cold hallway, penetrating the heavy silence of the night. And her body grew even more rigid in the dark. Though, she abruptly halted when a shudder suddenly went through her body, completely waking her up to realize what she was doing.
A reminder of his concern and worry being whispered to her regarding their secret being found out by their family, the repercussions that would soon ensue from their sinful indulgence being blessed by the night sky. A small frown etched onto her face and her eyes lowered to the floor in a moment of thought as gnawing doubt began lingering in her conflicted heart. Heavy is the heart that love unconditionally, but heavier is the heart that carry the weight of receiving such love.
Everything about this is wrong, she would literally be worse than a fool if she didn't realize that already, to understand how severe their situation are for her to act so reckless like this. And as much as she screamed at herself for being an idiot, she wasn't stupid enough to risk putting him in danger for her own selfish need. If something bad is ever going to happen to them, which she don't think would take long anymore, she will not hesitate to carry all the blame by herself. Something that he kept arguing with her about whenever the topic was brought up during their conversation. Something that he also refused to give up even at the price of his future and safety being put on the line no matter what she said to reason with him. And as much as she would like to say that she know him, it was nothing compared to what he is capable of, especially with his ever growing potential he kept away, hidden from all of them until the day he find the need to use it.
Not to mention, the many other admittedly also impressive part of him that is exclusive only for her eyes to savor.
Such as the rare sight served before her eyes at the moment, of the sleeping figure lying on his side while bathed by the dim moonlight slipping through from the circular window overlooking the small bed. It was scary, how easy and fast it was, for all of her worry and doubt to suddenly be thrown out from her conscious as if they were never there the moment she saw his white hair sticking up from the cover. And like a tempting song of a blind siren lost in a stormy sea she was slowly lured into the room, closing the door behind her before finally kneeling down beside the bed with her arms and chin resting on the mattress beside his face. The room wasn't big but it was enough for him, and it was enough for her, for both of them.
It was frustrating, she wanted nothing more than to just wrap him tightly in her arms right now, to hold him close against her chest desperately calling out for his warmth, to smother him with all the love she has been holding back. But she also don't want to wake him up, to disturb his rest when she know how much he needed it. And each day she only found herself falling more for him. To realize how much their time together kept getting shorter as of lately. It wasn't easy, it has never been easy, for the sole brother in the house being there for them, for her. And yet it still didn't stop him from smiling along with them, to find joy in their laughter and happiness.
And for someone so young like him to give out so much already at his age, it wasn't right. As much as she hated to admit it, he kind of reminded her of herself, of a part of her that she resented the most while growing up. Of the sister who tried so much to make her siblings look up to her as someone they can always rely on. She was just so young and naive back then, she didn't take how heavy the weight she was putting on herself would be dragging her down. A daunting weight she was never ready to carry alone by herself to begin with. That she ended up abandoning her own well being for them without noticing it. But, that wasn't the case for him.
In some sort of way, he is kind of the person she wished to be when she was much younger. Someone who knows how to balance his priority and boundary. She know how ridiculous it may sound like, but he somehow managed to do what she had miserably failed at, to be someone their sisters would always feel safe to talk to about their problems, her not excluded much to her shame. For even her, the oldest among them to also rely on him when she should be the one being there for him instead, it was almost funny in some sort of twisted way. And he would probably laugh it off if she ever bring it up. That he would reassure her to not worry about it with his soft voice and gentle touches always pushing her bothersome thought away.
She wouldn't outright say it but she was kind of ashamed of herself, for someone like her to find this comfort and security from her own little brother. It was just embarrassing to say the least. But that was also the small and simple part of her that he loved the most, the one he kept teasing with until she can do nothing but melted under his smile. To know she could get him to look at her with such adoration in his eyes while proclaiming his affection for her. And she just can't have enough of it, to have this sudden rush in her heartbeat from his little yet meaningful showcase of desire for her.
And she know he was enjoying every little second of it... He never try to hide it from her, it was unnecessary, she know how much it meant to him just as it was for hers.
To have this small and fleeting moment of happiness they can share with each other no matter how wrong it was.
And she wouldn't have it any other way...
With a soft smile on her face, Lori raised her right hand and started lightly poking his freckled cheek with her index finger. She wasn't trying to wake him up, she just wanted to watch, to see how his cute face was scrunching up in the dimly lit room. That would be sufficient for now to pay for all the time he was teasing her before, of the little glances and smiles he kept throwing her way, but she doubted he was doing it on purpose. That is just the kind of person he is, and that is why she can't help but loves him so much.
When she flicked his nose, he slightly jerked his head back before burying his face into the pillow, snuggling into it much to her dismay. She would rather having him snuggling his cute face between her breasts instead of the pillow.
Slightly pouting, Lori raised her body up on her knees, pushing her hands onto the edge of the bed, and leaned her face above his with her blonde hair veiling down from the back of her head, further exposing the nape of her neck to the cold air. And for a moment, she stayed like that, hovering over his face while watching quietly as his body faintly rising up and down along with his calm breath slipping out from his slightly parted lips. She was lucky, even with their unlikely circumstances and what other people may say about their bond, she will always be the lucky one. To have him not only as her brother, to have him as more than that, and to have him all for herself.
And to ask for more than that would be foolish of her.
"Hey..." Her eyes slightly widened in surprise at the low voice coming from beneath her, and her heart skipped a beat when his eyes slowly opened before staring straight at her face still hovering above his, only with the difference of a dark blush now crossing her cheeks.
"H-hey." She stuttered, far too embarrassed to think of anything else to say now that she was caught red handed messing with him while he was sleeping like an idiot. Honestly, she would be lucky if he didn't see her as a total freak after this. That is if he didn't see her as one already. Not that she have any right to blame him though, even before all of this started, she has always been a little bit too weird whenever he was involved.
Stuff that she would preferably keep to herself with how embarrassing it was whenever she was reminded of the shameful memory of her naive self trying to get his attention before. Of the small hint she kept leaving behind, from her lack of clothing to cover herself, the teasing look she gave him, and closing the distance between them when they were completely alone. Looking back on it, she literally threw herself at him on more than one occasion. Which he kindly responded with his smile before shifting closer to her side as if it was a usual thing for him. And he wasn't wrong for thinking so, to deal with her in the best way a brother could have been. After all, she was the one in the wrong for having this kind of thought in the first place, to put this desire for her in him by lighting the candle in his heart.
"I thought you said you aren't coming tonight." Lincoln yawned. Her body slightly jerked when he moved on the bed, giving more space for her beside him. It wasn't much but she preferred it better that way, to be as close to him as possible. At his offer, she hesitated for a bit before finally getting up and laying down on the bed with her face buried into his chest. And a faint smile soon graced her lips when he wrapped his arm behind her back. She can hear it, his calm heartbeat, she can feel it, his enveloping warmth, she can smell it, his delightful scent. All sending a flutter of joy into her stomach. Why did she need to be like this, why did her brother need to affect her this much, it wasn't fair. To know how different their life could be if they are not related, if he would still choose her if they are nothing more than strangers. If he would ever see her any differently then.
"S-sorry." She mumbled into his chest. "I just want to see you." She honestly admitted, and her heart skipped a beat when he gently kissed the top of her blonde hair.
"It's fine, I was kind of hoping that you would come here anyway." He muttered before resting his cheek on her head. "There's... Sorry, I don't... I hope you don't mind if we..." He defeatedly sighed.
Noticing his hesitation, Lori lifted her head to look at his concerned face. "What is it Lincoln?" She asked, lifting her body higher until his face was the one being caressed between her blossoming breasts. And he wasted no time to snuggle deeper into her embrace much to her delight with the smile instantly taking over her reddening face at the tickling brush of his white hair under her chin.
It's not fair, why did her little brother need to be so cute like this...
"There's... There's something I want to talk about." Lincoln sighed, his voice slightly muffled with his face still buried in her chest. "It's something that has been on my mind a lot lately, I just, I don't know how to say it."
He don't need to say more, even without him mentioning it, she probably already know what he was going to talk about. And among them, he probably thought that she would know the situation much better considering she was living in the same room as the person he was thinking about.
The sister they were both worrying about...
"It's about Leni, isn't it?" Lori knowingly asked, slightly frowning when he went quiet for a bit before slowly nodding his head in confirmation.
"I wanted to bring it up sooner, I really do, I just..." He bit his lips. "I don't know, I don't know if there's anything I can do for her Lori." He hugged her tighter.
"It's different, I don't know what it is but it's getting worse, I can see it in her eyes." Lincoln pointed out. "I know she is doing her best, I know that she would have ask us for help if she need to, I know she would have wanted us to believe in her." He paused for a moment before lifting his head to look at her with his clear blue eyes filled with the turmoil lingering in his heart.
"But how am I supposed to stay still when something is clearly eating her up, that she was doing her best to hide her pain instead of sharing it with us." He let out. "I wanted to believe her Lori, I really do, but what could possibly hurt her this much that she need to hide it from us."
"I don't like it..." He tiredly said. "I don't like seeing her like this."
"I don't like the way she was putting up her smile more now than ever."
She felt worse, like she shouldn't have gotten into his room in the first place with how much this matter in particular has definitely been taking over his sleep. And she was only making it worse by stealing whatever little time he have left to rest like he was supposed to by further being here. But blaming herself wouldn't also solve anything. At least by being here with him she know what has been transpiring in his mind he can't talk about with the rest of their sisters around. Especially when it was something involving Leni, something that they both know they can't ignore much longer.
It need to happen... For all she know it would only get more worse if they didn't do anything about it. And they can't afford that. He, Lincoln will not allow that.
She had always known that about him...
About the brother who is more than willing to sacrifice everything to be there for his sisters. Both a strength and weakness of his that he kept only to himself. He wasn't strong, but he is the strongest to them, he wasn't kind, but he is the kindest to them, he is selfish, but he is also selfless for them. He is everything to her, he is more than she could ever be...
And seeing how helpless he is right now, it reminded her just how much of a kid he still is no matter how mature he can be. That in the end, there are stuff that even he can't do alone, stuff that will only bother him more with nothing to help him when he needed it the most. He need her just as much as she need him. And for that, she was grateful that he at least don't need to go through all of this alone, to know she can truly be there for him just like how he has always been there for her. To fulfill her role not only as his oldest sister but also the person he gave his heart to.
The girl he completely trust to take care of his greatest possession.
"I know." And despite all of that, despite knowing how much Leni was hurting, that was all she could said to him. Neither a reassurance nor a comfort, only confirmation. To let him know that he wasn't the only one who has been noticing how much Leni has changed from the sister they used to know.
Or at least she would like to think so...
That she know her closest sister not only by age but bond well enough like she used to. But even she was starting to have doubt if she truly know whatever mess is spiraling in her younger sister's mind. And she know well enough that she was also the one at fault for this gap only growing wider between them.
For her regular visit here to his abode wasn't without consequences of its own. To hold onto this rotten secret of hers far away from her innocent younger sister. A secret she know well enough will only bring nothing but disaster in their household. A secret that could also separate her from him if...
No, it wasn't that, it wasn't an if...
It was when, when it finally get out. A fate she know she can't avoid from happening sooner or later.
"I tried talking to her..." Lori lowered her eyes to stare at the head of white hair buried into her bosom, feeling his weak and warm breath caressing her under boobs. A frown smudged on her lips. "But you know how she is." She hugged him tighter, almost as if compensating for her failure to be there for her younger sister.
For the kind and sweet sister they called Leni.
"Lori..." Lincoln paused, confusing her a bit when he moved away from her arms. And her eyes widened when he suddenly crawled on top of her with his face hovering inches away above hers. She might be taller than him but in this position he was the one taking control of her. Such as the increase of her rapid heartbeat slamming in her chest at the way he was staring deeply into her eyes. She felt small, to be seen like this by him, in her most vulnerable state where even she was ashamed of. "Would you do anything for her just like you do for me?" He seriously asked.
"W-what?" She stuttered, her body reacting strangely to his bold yet simple approach. To be held under his gaze suffocating the air out of her fragile ribcages holding in her heart, her desire growing warmer within her naked flesh.
"If... If anything bad ever happen, I need to know you would choose her before me." Lincoln said. "That you would be there for her."
"Stop it..." Lori sternly replied with a hard glare, which did little to intimidate him anymore like it used to. "Don't say that." She choked out.
"Don't say it like you're going to leave." She painfully muttered out under her breath.
Her body slightly shook when he suddenly pressed his lips against hers, catching her by surprise when he started passionately kissing her until there was no air left in her lungs. And yet she did nothing to push him away, to stop her little brother from consuming her whole to his desire. Instead she allowed herself to be engulfed by his warmth, by this fear and excitement bringing her close to asphyxiation.
Lori jerked her hips upward when she felt his hand clasping over her smoldering nether region, driving her body hot and crazy with arousal soaking her damp light blue panties. Then she felt it, the length of his middle finger teasing her wet slits through the thin fabric, sparking the fire in her head, making her dizzy and lightheaded with the sensation rushing through her body.
She is worse than an addict...
Through her watery and hazy eyes, she watched as Lincoln slowly pulled away from her lips, at the silvery string of saliva stretching out between their tongues. And she bit her wet lips when he lightly poked his index finger into the dark spot in her panties reaching for the sacred flower barely hidden beneath it.
"You know me better than anyone Lori." Lincoln pointed out, drawing circles on her nether region as Lori tightly squeezed her legs together with her toes curled on the bed. "You know why I need to do this." He peppered her sweaty throat with kisses.
"L-Lincoln~" She moaned.
She can't speak, not with the constant assault stimulating her feverish body under his touches.
"Sorry if I'm being selfish, sorry if I can't give all of myself to you, sorry if I'm hurting you by saying this." He whispered. "But I need you Lori, I need you to be there for her, I still need you to be her sister." He added, slowly leaning closer towards her face where her slightly parted lips was already waiting for him.
"But that doesn't mean you can't have the rest of me." His lips inches away from meeting hers.
Only to stop midway before turning his head to look at the door now slightly ajar, staring at the familiar face peeking in from the small gap before quickly backing away. And it didn't take long either for Lori to notice the sound of footsteps hurriedly leaving the hallway not long after.
Silence filled the air between them, still trying to wrap the situation in their heads, and in an instant realization struck them both at once. Though Lori was the one who started panicking first as she got up to her feet, almost lunging for the door when Lincoln grabbed her wrist, halting her step immediately much to her surprise. When she turned around to look at him, her eyes widened at the serious way he was looking at her.
"Lori, calm down." He tried to reassure her.
"What... This is not the time for that Lincoln." She quietly screamed, her heart only beating faster in her shrinking chest, tightening in fear. "Someone... They saw us... I... I need to... We need to do something."
"I... I can't..." She stammered.
"Lincoln... you..."
"I can't lose you." She cried out between her stutter.
Lincoln gently pulled her closer until she was slightly leaning down and pressed his forehead against hers. "I'm not going anywhere Lori." Lincoln softly said, it wasn't much but it was enough to at least put her mind slightly at ease. "I will always be here for you, but you need to calm down right now, I need you to be in the right mind to make your decision."
Taking a deep breath, Lori let out a long sigh before nodding at him with a strained smile plastered on her face.
"It's Leni." He mentioned. "I didn't see much, but I'm sure it was her. I remember her eyes, or at least the way she was looking at me." Lincoln defeatedly sighed.
"Please Lori, don't do anything rash, just talk to her alright." He added before planting a chaste kiss on her lips.
"I know..." She nodded. "Thanks... Lincoln..." With that out of the way, Lori turned around and finally stepped out from his room once he finally let go of her wrist, much to her dismay. She closed the door behind her, clasped her right hand over her chest, and stared at the empty hallway in deep contemplation.
...
She know what she need to do, she just don't know if she have it in her to actually do it. To face her younger sister with the grave sin she had committed. The secret that will decide not only her fate but also his own from here on out. And he trusted her with the responsibility, with his heart, with this love he held dearly for her.
Her steps had never felt heavier, burdened by the weight of the conversation she is about to have. To truly understand how worse their situation could get just from this confrontation alone. And it takes everything in her just to keep herself standing right now with how weak her legs felt beneath her.
It reminded her of that day, of the memory which bring nothing but shame whenever she was reminded of it. Of her confession, of her guilt and sin being revealed to the white haired boy who wished for nothing but her happiness. Of the brother who was only trying to look after his oldest sister.
And she pushed him away, she screamed and lashed out at the brother she was only trying to protect. Even if it was from herself, from this desire she had berated herself for having. He didn't deserve any of this, and yet he still remained patience with her. That no matter what she do, of how bad she treated him, he will always be there for her.
He wasn't a saint nor an angel, he was just her stupid little brother.
The same brother who would do anything for his sisters, that she already know how he would react if she ever told him about her feeling. That she can't stop feeling like she was the one using him for her own stupid desire. And was she wrong for thinking so, that he was the victim in all of this. That his own oldest sister who was supposed to protect him was also putting him in harm way just by being close to him. It wasn't fair, not for him, to put himself in this mess when she could have been the only one to fall instead for her own stupidity.
Though this time, for once in her life, she need to be the sister he can rely on, just like he has always been for her, for all of them.
Taking a deep breath, Lori steeled herself and started walking back to her shared room. Her heavy heartbeat being the only audible sound hammering in her ears much to her dismay in the seemingly stretching hallway suffocating her with the silence swallowing her whole. She felt like throwing up, as if her body was forcing her to get rid of everything in her stomach with how much it was twisting her from the inside.
And yet, she still stepped forwards, she still refused herself the luxury of running away. It won't change anything, she might not be a good sister but she wasn't a coward to run away from her problem. It has never been easy, being the oldest sister, to be this figure of authority for the rest of them. And she was only making it worse by getting him involved in her mess. But she already made her choice, no matter what path she was walking into, as long as she is with him, she will make it the right path for them.
Even an idiot was allowed to dream...
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she reached for the knob, turned it around, and opened the door before carefully peaking her head inside to see Leni lying on her bed with the blanket completely covering her silhouette. It was different, she don't remember her position changing at all before she left the room earlier, just how long exactly has she been awake, or was she just waiting for the right time for her to leave. If so, then how many times had she done this already, and why didn't she ever say anything?
Clutching her aching chest, Lori eventually stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, locking it further to prevent any unwanted disturbance even if it was still in the middle of night. If both of them are still awake, then she also can't exactly risk the others also not being up at the moment for their own reason.
At least that was what she told herself, as much as she don't want to admit it, there was also a small part of her that did so to prevent Leni from getting out. A side of her that was unfortunately led by her fear slowly consuming her with the horrible thought further making her heart drop.
She... She don't think she had ever felt this scared before.
Though it wasn't fear of what would happen to her, but to him, to her little brother. To be separated from him, to no longer have him within her reach, of not being able to see his smile anymore.
N-no, she won't allow that, she refused to, not like this, not with how much it would kill her.
'But I need you Lori, I need you to be there for her, I still need you to be her sister.' Her body froze for a second at the reminder of what Lincoln was saying to her earlier, which was enough to calm her down to clear her head.
Right, she still need her, she still need her older sister.
Letting out the breath she didn't know she was holding in, Lori carefully approached the bed Leni was lying in before gently sitting on the edge of it.
"H-hey..." She awkwardly said as silence filled the air for a moment when she got no response in return, but she can't say she didn't expect that. "It's... It's fine Leni, I know you're awake, that..." She trailed off before slowly lowering her gaze to the floor in defeat while twiddling her thumbs.
"That you saw us, what I'm doing with Lincoln in his room." She choked out between her lips. "I... Sorry, I just, I don't know what to say." Honestly what can she even say right now. That it was just a simple misunderstanding, that she wasn't hopelessly falling in love with their little brother. That if she can, she would bring him far away from here to keep him safe. But he wouldn't have wanted that, as much as she still need to be the oldest sister for them, so does he as the only brother in the family. It was a duty that neither of them are willing to forsake even at the price of their safety, especially more to him than hers with how far he would go for them to be happy.
The same reason also why they found this ugly sense of comfort within each other, in the familiarity they shared.
"I know how it looks like..." She couldn't help the humorless chuckle slipping loose from her lips. "Whatever it is that you had in mind, you probably got it right, I'm not exactly good at hiding it either. And as pointless as it was, I also don't want to lie to you, at least not about this."
"I don't want to lie about what I'm feeling." She painfully smiled. "I know what I'm doing is wrong, that I have not been completely honest to you, but I don't know what else I can do." She almost teared up at what she was saying. For once she wasn't only being honest to Leni, but also to herself, to the girl she had wronged so much.
"I just... I wanted to be with him. And as wrong as that was, I still can't stop myself from falling for him." Lori sadly muttered out. "It was pathetic, I know..." She glanced at the bed to see the figure under the blanket barely moving at all during her talk.
"I... I love him Leni, I really love him, I love Lincoln." She finally confessed. "Please Leni, please say something." Lori desperately pleaded, clenching her fists tightly when she got nothing.
"Why?" She almost flinched at the small voice coming from under the cover.
"Why would you keep this a secret from me, am I really that stupid that you don't trust me enough?" Leni asked.
"What, no, I trust you Leni, I just..." She bit her lips. "I'm just scared, of everything." She placed her palm against her forehead.
"I... I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to ruin what I have with Lincoln. I can't afford to lose him..." She didn't even get the chance to react when Leni suddenly threw away the blanket and pushed her down on the bed before hovering over her body. Her wide and petrified dark blue eyes met her wet teary light blue eyes staring back at her.
"What about me then?" Leni quietly screamed with the tears escaping from the corner of her eyes. "Why did you think that I'm not scared Lori, why did you think that I am strong enough to deal with this alone." She cried out.
"I... I don't know what to think Lori." Leni placed her head down on her chest. "You said it yourself, how wrong it all was, this feeling you're having, and I don't want to think that you would lie to me Lori."
"But all of this, I just, I don't get it, you always told me to do the right thing Lori, that no matter how bad the world can be, I can still choose for myself..." She pointed out. "Tell me Lori, please, what am I supposed to do right now?"
"Leni..." Lori whispered under her breath.
"No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking how bad everything can be, how much worse I can mess everything up." Leni muttered. "I'm not you Lori, I'm not strong enough."
"And let's face it, I'm not anywhere close to being smart enough to figure this out by myself." She forlornly smiled. "I... I'm scared Lori, I'm scared that you would leave me, that you will never come back once you're gone. I don't think I'm ready yet, not like this." She painfully let out.
"I don't want to lose you Lori, either of you." Her smile was broken. But it has always such a fragile thing she had put on for herself. And as mirror does, it reflect what people want to see instead of the person hiding behind it.
It felt wrong, everything about this was starting to look so. For her as the oldest sister not being able to do anything when her own younger sister was crying Infront of her.
He was right, he has always been to be honest.
For someone who could have predicted every bad thing that could happen, she should have expected this from him. At least he also know how to deal with the outcome when he need to, after all she can't say the same about herself.
Seriously, just how stupid can she be?
"I... I'm not as strong as you think Leni..." Lori slowly raised her hands and clasped her sister's wet and smooth cheeks in her palms, gently wiping the trail of tears with her thumbs. "I also have my ugly side that I need to hide from all of you." She carefully pulled herself up and raised her back before planting a soft kiss on Leni's lips, catching her by surprise with the gesture.
Her heart skipped a beat and her eyes widened even further when Lori deepened the kiss, stealing all the air from her constricting lungs while she was driven to the brink of asphyxiation.
It was overwhelming, this fear and desperation coming from the older sister she had known her entire life. It was both self destructing and poisonous in nature, destroying everything that she touch, especially those that she hold dear.
And yet, even with all of that, she still let herself be engulfed by her older sister's pain. To understand her feeling through this horrible act of love twisted by their heartaches begging for each other.
A heartbeat for a heartbeat, a kiss for a kiss, and a sister for a sister.
Instead of pushing her away, of doing the right thing, Leni chose what would be the right thing for herself. She chose to reply her pain with her own, with her fear and desperation of losing her older sister, her guardian and protector.
As Lori slowly pulled herself back from the kiss with their mixed saliva stretching between their panting lips, Leni wrapped her arms around the back of her head and lunged forward for another kiss, not even giving her the chance to catch her breath. It was messy, fueled by her desire to fill this empty gap in her heart with wild abandon releasing her from these restraints she had placed on herself. To keep this disgusting part of her from ever seeing the light of day. But here, under the night sky and constraint of their room, she was letting all of them out in a burst of flame burning both of them with ecstasy and pleasure. To erase their pain with this horrible sin taking hold of both their bodies and minds.
Once again, the kiss was broken when they finally need to breathe. And like before also the moment of reprieve didn't get to stay long as they went for another kiss, then another, then even more kisses. None was said, but so much was told from their honest showcase of love for each other.
They are broken... They have always been...
And they chose to break themselves even more to create this new path where they can be together. A path littered with the broken glass of their past, waiting to hurt them in the worst way possible.
But it does't matter, not now, not ever, not with him being there to put all of the broken pieces back together with them for a path he can be happy with. A path that he will gladly walk with them as more than their brother.
As she was panting for air with Leni still being on top of her and breathing heavily beside her sensitive ear, Lori slowly lowered her hands while tracing the curves of her sister's feverish body under her delicate fingers. Her heart racing in her chest with the way Leni was shivering and squirming under her touches.
She was smiling...
It was different, she don't know how, but she can tell...
And right now, she wanted nothing more than to see this beautiful smile of hers.
"L-Lori~" Leni quietly moaned when Lori carefully hiked her aquamarine nightgown over her creamy thighs slightly shaking with her burning core already leaking with desire sticking to her silky green panties and dripping on her older sister's naked stomach.
"Leni~" Lori moaned back before placing her hands on her butt, getting a low chuckle from her as Leni started peppering light kisses against her throat. "I... I want you Leni." She whispered.
"Then take me, take all of me Lori..." Leni slowly backed away from her, watching patiently while Lori pulled herself up into a sitting position, reached for the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head as her golden locks bounced and brushed against the nape of her neck. She was baring all of herself to her younger sister, of this scared little girl she had only shown to Lincoln until now.
And Leni also did the same with her nightgown, shrugging it loose over her shoulders as they slid down her figure and onto the bed. The air was cold but neither of them were bothered by it with their rapid heartbeats further engulfing their naked flesh with the flame of their intertwining desire.
"Did... Did yours get bigger?" Leni playfully asked while leaning closer to her chest with her face bright red.
"Come on Leni, you have seen them plenty of times already." Lori embarrassedly said while struggling to look away from the way Leni's full and soft breasts slightly sloping down with the hard nipples poking out from the dark mounds. Her light blonde hair gracefully spreading on her naked back.
She is beautiful...
From her kind eyes to the gentle smile plastered on her youthful yet pained face. She was everything Lori wished she could be, kinder and gentler. Even when the world wants nothing more than to break her down.
"And you're the one saying that, did you really think I didn't notice you need to change your bra since it didn't fit yours anymore." This time it was Leni turn to look away while rubbing the back of her neck.
"It... It wasn't all that good you know..." She muttered out only to let out a squeak when Lori grabbed her breast in her right hand and started gently fondling them with her stiff nipple between her fingers.
"I don't want to hear that Leni, you know I'm right..." Lori smiled when she whimpered under her touch. "And Lincoln would have definitely love them." She smirked at the thought, already seeing his cute surprised face in her head.
"D-do you really think so?" She nervously asked, all the while Lori was only getting closer before pinning her down on the bed with her thigh pressing against Leni's wet crotch already soaking her damp panties.
"This is Lincoln we're talking about Leni, he would still love you either way." Smiling, Lori slowly lowered her head and started trailing light kisses down her collarbone, her cleavage, the middle of her chest, all the way down to her belly button, slightly tickling the girl with the brush of her lips.
"Do... Do you think he would be alright with this?" Leni bit her lips and curled her toes when Lori started moving her hips against her private while rubbing herself on Leni's thigh between her legs.
"You know how he is Leni, he would do anything to make us happy." She moved faster, grinding her wet sensitive crotch against her sister already panting desperately for air beneath her. "That is just the kind of person he is, the kind of brother he is." And her body was only getting warmer at the thought of him.
"Then... I guess... We should also do the same..." Leni fondled her breasts in her arms, further driving her body on the verge of climax. "To make him happy..."
"To make him happy." Lori smiled, thrusting her hips even faster as they both starting breathing heavily with their breaths colliding between their warm faces, their eyes grew hazy with arousal as their sweaty bodies were sticking close to each other. Flesh against flesh...
"L-Lori... Please..." Leni buried her feet into the bed. "I-I can't take it anymore." She panted.
"Come... Come with me Leni..." Lori smiled, her eyes glistening under her sweaty bangs sticking to her forehead. "Come for you sister~"
She can feel it, the way her little sister squealed in ecstasy as Leni suddenly closed her mouth with both of her hands before convulsing beneath her weight pinning her down on the bed. Of her sweet nectar streaming out from her sensitive flower barely hidden beneath the wet panties outlining the shape her cameltoe, red and sore from all the friction.
And her heart skipped a beat at the delightful sight before her, of the naked sister gasping for air with tears in her eyes and saliva running down her chin. Of how her impressive chest was gently rising up and falling down along with her breath leaving her slightly parted lips begging to be kissed. It was wrong, for her to see her younger sister being a blushing mess like this, to be the one who was making the girl look like this in the first place.
And yet she couldn't help but wanting to see more of it, to see what kind of faces Leni would be making for her.
"Come on Leni, you need to do better than that if you want to make Lincoln happy~" Leni tightly squeezed her legs when Lori placed her index finger on her private still sensitive from her climax earlier, rubbing her length along her warm slits sucking her finger in between the fold.
"I guess you're right, you still have a lot to learn from your big sister~" Lori drew her hand back and slid her index finger covered by her nectar into her mouth, making a show out of it by licking it even further to savor the exquisite and unique taste of her sister coming because of her.
"And there's still a lot that I have to teach you~" She slid the same hand under her shorts, gently running her middle finger inside her squeezing walls before carefully pulling it back out before offering it to Leni, which she gladly sucked between her lips.
Barely holding herself back anymore, Lori leaned down and licked the saliva from Leni's wet pillowy lips before staying there for a kiss, smiling when Leni wrapped her arms around her neck much to her delight.
"Dear little sister of mine~"
...
A/N: Sorry for the reupload, I just want to get rid of the spam review since I can't delete them.