CH 01 - A question of time

Some unions are more about work than love. Any relationship is a living creature. Depending on what you feed it with: love, hate, tenderness, frustration, acceptance, regret… the outcome can change, any second. And when you decide to stop feeding the relationship, the outcome changes too. Keeping anything alive is so much work that sometimes you wonder if killing the beast from the start wouldn't be the best for all.

It's a question of time? Of ingredients? Of endurance? No one has the exact answer. And, more than that, no one is sure if it was a question of time to even make it happen in the first place till life shows you otherwise…

"OMG, Alex! Can you believe it?! Can you believe what just happened?! OMG, Alex!"

"Kara, calm down, you're over excited!"

"I know! I cannot stop it! I have never felt so happy in my life!"

It's an impossible mission to calm down someone who exudes so much happiness. And, Kara has been glowing like a Christmas tree since her award ceremony. It's not everyday that you receive a Pulitzer. And, Kara is very grateful for getting such a prestigious acknowledgement but, that's not the real reason why she's really grateful. The real reason for this blast of joy, it's because…

"She accepted me, Alex! Lena doesn't hate me! Can you believe it?!"

Honestly, Alex cannot believe it. Even after hearing it out loud, it feels unreal. Too easy. The DEO agent might not be Lena's BFF, she might not have spent so much time with Lena like Kara to know everything about the girl like her little sister has, but Alex knows the dear Luthor long enough to find this outcome out of the ordinary. Lena has trust issues. The CEO has strong feelings of animosity towards Supergirl. Feelings that should have become more pronounced after finding out the truth. So, how? Why? From all the scenarios Alex envisaged, an understanding and forgiving Lena, was never one of them.

The time wasn't right. Too many years too late. And yet, she did it anyway. Kara told Lena the truth about her dual identity before the ceremony. Kara came clean. Tears were shared from both sides and in the end, Lena exceeded the expectations of everyone when she stood on Kara/Supergirl girl side, just like that. Without drama. Without taking some time to think and process everything. Lena welcomed the news with open arms and Kara couldn't be happier. All the superfriends feel happy and relieved too. Everyone except Alex.

Has her work as a secret agent finally messed out with her head enough to make her paranoid? Has she seen so many bad things in this world to expect the worst of everyone? Has she lost her ability to believe the best of others? Maybe… maybe she's projecting. God knows that every time Alex has come clean with someone, it has backfired on her. She told Eliza she was working at the DEO and it became a big fight on Thanksgiving. She was honest about her desire to have kids and she lost the woman she loved. Yeah, Alex hasn't had the best outcomes after coming clean. Was she wrong to expect a similar or worst outcome for Kara? Gosh, what kind of sister does that?!

Alex groans with frustration. It's not like she's not happy for her little sister. It's not like she was looking forward to seeing Kara heartbroken. Because that's what would have happened if Lena would have reacted badly to the news. A fall out would have destroyed the ray of hope that's Supergirl. No one knows how much the young Luthor means to Kara, like Alex Danvers. From the day they met, Lena became Kara's world, she became a reason to smile. A source of bliss. And, as time goes by, it has been more and more evident for Alex that Kara's affection towards the dear CEO goes beyond pure friendship.

She's not blind. Alex has eyes and it has been really hard to watch how Kara has fallen for the dear Luthor. And, you might wonder why it has been hard to watch. Well… it's not because Alex is against the fact Kara can like girls too. It's not that. Neither the fact that Lena is a Luthor… well, her last name doesn't help but, it's not that why Alex is so against this union. It's because Alex vowed to protect Kara from any harm. Her entire life, Alex has been able to protect Kara and keep her safe but, she cannot and will not be able to save her from Lena. Those green eyes hold a stronger power than Kryptonite over Supergirl and no one other than Alex seems to notice how dangerous and deathly that can be. Lena can destroy Kara, Alex has no doubt of that and it scares the shit out of her.

"Alex, are you not happy with the news? You don't look happy. Why?"

The dear agent sighs. She wants to feel happy for Kara but she cannot shake this gut feeling that something will go wrong, eventually. She hates to be a pessimist and she hates even more to know that no one can spare Kara from the pain of a broken heart. Kara has had breakups, Mon-El has been the worst of all till now but, somehow, if Lena walks away from the blonde, Kara might not be able to overcome such loss. And you're talking about the girl who has lost more than anyone else in a lifetime. Kara has lost her planet, her parents, her home and also many people she has cared for over the years. She has endured and emerged victorious everytime and yet, Alex is 100% that Kara wouldn't survive the loss of Lena.

Alex sighs because she doesn't know how to put it into words for Kara to understand what she fears the most. How can she tell her that she fears that someday, somehow, Lena will break Kara's heart, causing damage beyond repair? How can she tell Kara that she will fail to protect her because if something goes wrong with Lena, Alex will not be able to stop it? She will not be able to make it better. How do you tell someone that they're in love with their best friend? The blonde might be oblivious towards her own feelings, but Alex has no doubt that sooner than later she will witness the unavoidable and when that day comes. When Kara finally realizes she's in love with Lena. Then, it will be a question of time to see if she's right or not.

And time is all Lena needs to make her plan work. Like playing chess, Lena is moving her pawns and she has no doubt she will make a checkmate in no time, just like Lex taught her.

"I'll bend her to my will… would that have made you happy, brother?"

The memory of her brother comes to mind, and Lena gets a bitter taste from the tea she's drinking. A reason more to reach for the amber liquor she craves but, she holds her grip on the bottle of her exquisite whisky since she must not blur her senses and lose sight of the big picture: project non-core.

She will liberate herself and the humanity of their emotions. No more lies, no more fake feelings. She will accomplish peace without the need of bullets and the best thing of all, she will let Supergirl do all the dirty work for her.

More than once, the dear hero has risked her own life to help Lena. Even when there has been Kryptonite on display, Kara hasn't doubt stepped in. More than once, Kara has crossed lines for Lena and she will continue to cross those lines for the dear Luthor. She will steal for her, she will betray the DEO and more than that, she will expose herself, entirely vulnerable to the girl who means the world to her, ignoring completely that such a person despises her. And, no matter how many times Kara has emerged victorious after long exposures to mortal dangers like Kryptonite, it's a question of time to see if she will survive what Lena has planned for her because appearances deceive and the girl of steel is not what everyone thinks.

Kara & Supergirl might appear to be very friendly and approachable for anyone, that might be true. But, it's also true that both sides of the coin mirror what others want to see. An invincible hero. A smiling reporter. A ray of hope for everyone who wants to get close. But, how closer are you allowed to get to the sun? How close do you need to be to discern the shadows between the light? Everything has a dark side. A side we try to hide from the spotlight. For fear, for shame, for many reasons we don't show the entire picture, especially when people around you expect you to be flawless. But, Perfection is more than utopic. It's a burden a long time ago, Kara accepted to carry on her shoulders alone, without complaint, till the day she met Lena, the real Lena.

Imperfect, stubborn, silly and more than that: REAL. Neither Lena nor Kara thought the day would come when they would allow themselves to just 'Be'. Without pretends. Without expectations. Kara has shown to Lena her personality features that no other than them know. Not even Alex has had such a privilege. And, it's not like they planned for it. They didn't wish for it. It just happened, like gravity. Kara fell for Lena like Newton's apple. Pulled by a force beyond understanding. A feeling. A strong feeling that's blossoming in Kara's heart. Getting bigger every day. And, it was a question of time, for Kara, to finally name it for what it's: Love. True Love.

Love, an immense and untamable love is what Kara feels for the dear CEO of L-Corp. She didn't know it was on her to be able to love anyone like this. And yet, Kara is far from even considering it a reality. Regardless of how wonderful it's to finally find that person who allows you to be YOU. Only You. Kara refuses to embrace this feeling completely. Why? Is it because she's a Luthor? Is it because she's a female? Or is it because Kara is terrified to even consider she can be happy and loved?

Kara doesn't want to be greedy, she shouldn't ask for more of what she gets, their friendship is enough and yet, every time she can do a romantic gesture towards the dear Luthor, she does it without hesitation…

"You don't need to fly across the sea for me, Kara. But, thank you for the scones, they are delicious…"

The smile she gets from Lena is so fake and empty and yet, Kara is so blindly in love to notice it. Love is really blind and as their interactions continue, Kara keeps doing till the impossible to make Lena happy and the dear Luthor keeps faking to be a good friend till the day the blonde says…

"I love you"

Kara has said it before but the tone and fragility in her voice shows a deeper meaning than pure friendship. Lena's mind doesn't want to acknowledge Kara has fallen in love with her but even if her mind wants to deny it, her heart betrays her and the accelerated beating shows she has fallen for the other girl too, fast and hard. The dear Luthor tried to stop it but it was impossible to fight against such a force of nature like Love. A love so pure, so strong that was overrunning the laws of the Universe by making two designated ennemies become friends and maybe more?

Lena doesn't want to believe Kara's love confession is real. She wants to pretend it was another lie, a bad dream but it's not. It happened and the worst part is that…

"You love her too…."

It wasn't a question. There was no hesitation in her AI's voice. And, Lena has no intention to discuss the matter further with her AI Hope so, she shouts down any discussion about it but, that doesn't mean she will not use this to her benefit. The whole idea of deceiving Kara, using her love against her, feels so wrong and at the same time, it's also the perfect revenge for all the years of being lied to.

"She pretended to be my friend, well… I can pretend to be her girlfriend"

Lena is determined to keep pretenses and going even farther than that. She settles a new play move to the checkmate, ignoring completely that it could eventually also destroy her. A question of time to see the outcome of it, for better or for worse.

Anyway, there was no doubt at all that Kara's eyes sparkled every time a particular CEO appeared on the horizon and that glow got even stronger when feelings got out in the open. When did it all start? When did this love start? Probably from Day 1. Just a few people have been able to leave any impression on the dear hero and the young Luthor did more than that from the start. The moment they met, Lena took Kara's breath away. No one has accomplished that before and probably no one will. There are things in this life that are meant to happen just once in a lifetime if you're lucky enough and, Kara has felt like the luckiest girl alive for feeling what Lena makes her feel: Love. The kind of love that makes your heart explode with joy. A love so pure, so infinite that Kara really thinks it will last forever.

Commitment is forever in Kara's culture and while she might feel confident this love in her chest can last till the end of times, can it endure the disdain of the young Luthor? Kara has seen it firsthand, how easily people's hearts change overnight. How a human can make a vow today and break it the next day without reason. It's in their nature to be this imperfect. Kara doesn't hold it against them but she's cautious to let people in and give herself entirely to anyone else. It doesn't help either that she's an alien. She calls Earth her home in front of everyone but deep down, it's not really her home and the surge of anti-alien's hate happening in her city, it's a reminder she's an uninvited guest on this Earth.

"It's just a question of time, Kara, we will figure it out"

Alex is right, Kara knows there's good in this world but she wasn't prepared for all the hate people have in their hearts. She was aware the mix of cultures and beliefs was a ticking bomb that could go off any second. In a society where labels and categories are so important, Kara fails to understand how to reach each extreme, how can she be the bridge to put it all together once again?

It's not like she knows better or that Supergirl feels superior, above all like some heroes. Rao knows she has never seen herself like a Goddess, even if the public eye insists on putting her on that pedestal. She's not a God, she's far from being perfect. She struggles, just like the rest of us, maybe even more since she's not from this planet. But, she wants to try to do better, to make this world better and she fails miserably at it when a pacific rally pro aliens goes deadly bad.

She wasn't fast enough nor strong enough to protect everyone from the blast, how did she fail to notice the bomb in the rally? She doesn't know and the worst part is that she really thought she would be able to make the difference by being there; her presence was supposed to inspire peace and understanding but the dead little alien girl she has in her arms is proof of the contrary. She wasn't the bridge between two opposite worlds. She was in the middle of everything and everyone and yet, Kara felt more far than ever to the rest of the world. Another reason to feel like she doesn't belong here. But, if that's true then where does she belong?

"Lena…"

The dear Luthor might see herself as a woman who can keep her guard up no matter the circumstance but the moment Kara lands on her balcony and whispers her name, it takes down all the walls Lena had put around her heart. She has never seen the super so broken, so lost, so needy of the sense of belonging and the idea to be that safe place for the dear hero, it's scary.

Intimacy is scary. It's not in her nature. Lena knows that and she also knows the difference between sex, lust and real intimacy. She has never experienced the heated tentemption to cross the thin line in between till now. Being intimate with the blonde has been more than a wild fantasy for Lena and she refuses to succumb to her desire to belong and submit her heart to someone like Kara Danvers aka Supergirl but when the blonde clings on to her and breaks into tears. Lena cannot pretend she doesn't care. She holds the blonde in her arms and the feeling of belonging is fulfilled on both sides.

No one has seen Supergirl like this and she's still surprised how easy it is to be vulnerable with Lena. Her biological parents are gone. Her original planet & home is gone. Her culture is gone and Kara, herself, is the only vestige that remains. She needs to protect it. She needs to prevail. But, does she need to do it alone? Can someone like Lena accept her as she's without wanting to change anything at all? Let's face it, Lena needs more than what Kara has to offer. In any relationship, there's a game of concession. Kara has seen how Lena negotiates. She never loses and the blonde is afraid that with her, it will be the same. This love is so strong, so wonderfully naive that Kara is completely sure she would lose herself in the young CEO.

For love, she would give it all. Even herself. It's terrifying. To lose parts of yourself by choice and not be sure to get them back. Kara has already lost so much. She doesn't want to keep losing things. But, if she has learned something from the last events, it's that the idea of losing Lena, it's worse than what she ever imagined. People call her the girl of steel. Nothing on this Earth can hurt her and yet, Kara is sure Lena has the power to hurt her more than Kryptonite and yet, she cannot stop to believe she belongs to Lena and just her.

"Kara, what do you plan to do?"

It's a good question, the blonde cannot answer right now. One thing is to acknowledge what happened, how you feel about it and be able to name it as it's, and another thing is to do something about it. She wants to save the world but, how can she save it from itself inner destructive nature? What is the best way to fight all this hate?

"You cannot change the human essence, Kara, there's always gonna be conflict, hate, pain…"

"I know. I'm just me and that never seems to be enough…"

Lena hums, surprised to hear that Supergirl admits her limited power over humanity. Lena could say something to cheer Kara up but she doesn't offer any type of comfort other than the warmth of her body. How did they end up naked in her bed? Lena blames her weak heart for it and decides that, at least for tonight, she will pretend that her mind is malfunctioning and that's the main reason why Kara spends the rest of the night in Lena's arms.

The sun comes out, Lena is the first to wake up and takes this chance to stare at the sleeping beauty beside her. She looks so pure, so fragile, Lena feels the temptemtion to confess her true feelings and work on their issues to really be together but the deception she has put in motion vanishes that dream in a second.

She cannot lose sight of her goal and that's why Lena gets out of bed, putting distance between her and Kara. Alone in the kitchen, Lena is able to clear her head, she drinks her coffee and buries her real emotions in tiny boxes as she convinces herself that what the world really needs is her project non-core more than a cheerful Supergirl.

Lena will not hesitate. She's ready to do whatever she needs to do. Just like when she showed no hesitation in pulling the trigger to end with Lex' life, once and for all. She killed her own brother, she pretends to be okay with it even if deep down she knows she's not. It's understandable if the dear Luthor is still in a state of shock after it. But to be honest, it's not the killing what shocked her. It's finally watching all the things her eyes were so blind to see from day one.

'What are you gonna do?' Were the last words of Lex before dying and after revealing Lena how naive and stupid she has been. Kara Danvers is Supergirl. Supergirl is Kara Danvers. Both women are the same person and yet, they're not. One is kind. The other judges Lena as the worst criminal in the world. Kara is home. Supergirl is a stranger. Kara is genuine… or was she? Did she just pretend to be genuine? Lena doesn't know… she might never want to know. Love can really be blind, because Lena never saw this coming. Not even in her worst nightmares. And the more she thinks about it, the more bitter she feels about it. What she allowed to happen last night doesn't help either, she feels so many things and that gives her more reasons to speed up the progress of her project non-core.

And while she works on her project, the play of pretend continues, regardless of what her primitive inner nature demands, Lena refuses to hear at her heart's scream for help. She will not hear her heart. She has made up her mind. Kara's lies will not go unpunished and yet, the thin line between love & hate is so thin, so blurry that Lena starts to have real doubts about everything.

Was it all a lie? A prank? A conspiracy against her? A way to keep an eye on her? Lena wonders that all the time. In any case, itt was a question of time to figure out the truth, right? And yet, the real question is who's gonna lose more at the end, the Super or the Luthor? When some truths get out in the open will they definitely become enemies as they were destined to be?

The truth is no one knows anything anymore. Lena feels lost, she feels angry, she feels sad, she feels so many things all at once, that Lena struggles to keep her emotions quiet. She needs to think, she needs time to figure out how to make non-core work. The blindfold has fallen from her eyes and yet, she feels she cannot have a clear view of things. How can she be objective when her heart hurts this much? Lena will not be able to handle it for much longer, she doesn't know how. Feelings have never been easy to manage and maybe that's why she puts on motion a prototype that was far from being ready to test.

"Hope, I don't care if the device is not ready! Just put it in motion!"

Weak. Pathetic. A joke, Lena has never felt like this till now and she wasn't going to debate with her AI her reasons to do till the impossible to make these feelings to stop but she cannot.

"Damn it!"

Lena angrily hits her lab table when the prototype device doesn't work as it should. Something is missing and when she finally figures out what might make the trick, she makes a list of pro & cons to go through it. After all, getting the key for non-core is a risky move that for the first time in her life, Lena is not sure to make.

It's truly the only way? She doesn't have it in her to overthink this. Just like Supergirl does the big part of the time, she just goes with it. Without considering the consequences. Because make no mistake, there will be consequences. There's always consequences, in one way or another… it's just a question of time…