Hell No More (A Fan-Made Prequel to Our Lives to Live)

by SuperNaturalBoden

A story where Xenophanes' life changes forever.

[WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS THEMES OF: Adult Material, Sexual Themes (Not Mainly Focused), Violence, Gore, Disgusting/"Disturbing" Writing.]

[Note 1: This is a fan made prequel to "Our Lives to Live", made by my friend Toshi-the-Panda-1996. If you want to read that story first, go to her DeviantArt page and search for it. It's a Journal entry linked under artwork she made.]

[Note 2: This is not canon to the original story or to the lore of the original characters.]

In a dimension not so different to ours, there lives a family of four, almost five. A pregnant Mother, a brother, a daughter and a Father.

You'd probably expect the typical way the wife and husband met with one another, right? Y'know, highschool, college, mid-life crisis at the bar? The usual stuff.

Well… That's not the case here.

The two met in the wife's basement. I know. Pretty weird, right? You might be thinking that the husband was breaking in or stalking the wife before he was caught, but oh, that couldn't be farther from the truth.

No, this wasn't your everyday Joe, this was something else completely.

It was a demon.

A demon who's taken the form of the beloved hero "Sonic the Hedgehog". Unlike Sonic though, he was noticeably different. Taller and monstrous mainly. And with him, he brought himself injured. Bruised, scratched, bleeding black and mucusy blood and unconscious. The one-day-to-be-wife was afraid at first, but then took liberty to patch him up as she felt remorse for the poor thing.

And that's where it all started… Or is it?

How did he end up in the basement in the first place? What happened to him before he got there and why?

Well… That's what will be answered today.

There's a dimension where a certain race of demons gather together and originate from. These demons are known as the ".eXes". Most of the hierarchy and smiled-upon .eXes all have one similar thing to one another, and that being the resemblance of Sonic the Hedgehog. Some of these .eXes created themselves to look like the Blue Blur, while others possessed the body of Sonic in their own dimensions. However, there's one .eXe that technically speaking rules over the entire race. The most successful and oldest of the .eXes, the very first, the original.

X.

Also known as "Lord X" to his followers, he brings order over the plains of his world and is seemingly "delusional" to how he treats his victims, or as he puts it, "his people".

And that's what we first see. The people.

Various ghostly blue and translucent looking characters do manual labor with depressed looks on their faces. These characters come from various forms of consumable media. Any existing character you can think of could be there doing slave work. Some of these characters repeat themselves which may seem odd at first, but that's because the people taken will always be reincarnated as their all time favorite character. Sure that sounds like a dream to some, but here in X's world, it's a nightmare.

Lord X sits on his throne wearing his regular royal uniform as he looks out over the horizon, seeing his people do work all the while eating his favorite snack: meatballs and pickle slices covered in marinara sauce. An interesting choice of food, but the king always gets what he wants.

Well… Not always in a certain context…

Lord X: "This is paradise for me and my people. I love humans…"

X uses his power to make a veil of fog appear in his hand and acts as a small wavy screen. Through the screen, X sees "canonical" Sonic doing his normal everyday thing.

Lord X: "…But not as much as I love you, Sonic…"

X's eyes bubble as he bites his lower lip and a purplish blush appears on his face.

Lord X: "Oh, we'll be together one day~… Until then, I'll just have to fantasize~"

X is really in love with Sonic. He loves him to death and wants him to be his romantic partner for eternity. In order to stop himself from romanticizing too hard, he has to fantasize about Sonic performing sexual acts on him while relieving himself with a Sonic-blue colored pleasuring toy the size of what X believes to be Sonic's actual penile erection length. Sure he's realistically the bigger man here, but he lets himself be the sissy because that's how he prefers it.

Lord X sets down his bowl before reaching down towards his hardening member. He stops when he hears a voice coming from behind him.

"My Lord"

The demon king smiles and goes back to a state of observing people, getting rid of the smoky screen and going limp near his waist.

Lord X: "Ah. Have my seven guardians come to bear news?"

The Seven Guardians of X. The main servants of X's bidding and help collect more people while keeping order in his world. There's Yukubo, Kito, Kirai, Kofuku, Aishu, Gekido and Kyofu.

Kirai: "It has come to our attention that your newer people have been becoming… Displeased"

Lord X: "Is that so?"

Yukubo: "We have come together to make a suggestion on how to fix this issue"

Lord X: "I'm listening"

Kito: "What if we make a video introducing your new people into this world? As a way to ease them into the environment?"

X sits there for a moment and thinks.

Lord X: "I'll hold. Until I see the issue myself, then I'll consider it. Anything else?"

Gekido: "Grell's found another reject hiding in Hill. We suspect it's been hiding for a couple months now and we'd like you to check it out with us"

Lord X: "I assume this is no ordinary reject?"

Kyofu: "Yeah. There's this weird persistent nature about this thing"

X clenches one of his fists. There's rarely anything that makes him angry, as he's usually a good sport and calm, but when it comes to rejects, he can't help but feel disgusted. Vermin of the soil on his land fills him with disgust. These rejects could be copycats, failed abominations from the figurative womb of whatever garbage dimension they come from. None welcome in the dimension of X.

Lord X: "Usually I would have one of you take care of rejects yourselves, but if this one's unique, then I have no real reason to ignore it"

Aishu: "Follow us"

Lord X: "With pleasure"

The Seven Guardians lead their ruler through the many sub areas connecting to Hill. A casual walk you could say, with the addition of the smell of ash and death. Not too long in the walk, they finally make it to where they wanted.

Kyofu: "Over there!"

Kofuku: "Oh, the tragedy!"

Kirai: "It truly is a tragedy within itself, isn't it?"

Kyofu points towards two individuals, one holding the other down. The first is SheyGrell's , ruler of his own OC-killing dimension via different timeline and prior stalker of the .eXe hunter Chris Laurence. The other is… Well… A pathetic excuse for a "copycat". It seems to be a recolor of sorts. Black quills, gray fur, same Sonic shoes and trademark bleeding eyes. However, unlike the typical birthmark that all valid .eXes have, these bloody tears seem to be watery looking and have a more revolting sticky consistency to it.

Kito: "What an uncivilized little rat. I can't begin to explain what's wrong with this thing"

Lord X: "Kito and the rest of you, let me take care of this"

X approaches Grell and the reject slowly.

Lord X: "Grell! My favorite OC killing machine! What do we have here?"

SheyGrell's : "Beetle kill incarnate. What does it look like?"

Reject: "Lemme go! Do you know who I am!? I'll kill you!"

SheyGrell's : "Keep complaining, you foamer-mouthed disease. It'll only make things more excruciating for you"

Lord X: "Yes… It's worse than I imagined. May I take a look?"

SheyGrell's : "Certainly"

Grell throws the reject onto the ground violently before X picks it up and examines it like it's some sort of sick animal.

SheyGrell's : "I dunno if it's worth saying anything about or not, but I suspect this one's been sexually active for the entire time it's been here"

X looks up towards Grell with angered confusion. The confusion thankfully hides his anger, as Grell doesn't seem to notice it.

Lord X: "In what way? Don't make me concerned, Grell…"

SheyGrell's : "If you really wanna know, here"

Grell pulls out something from his flesh pocket and throws it over towards X. The overlord stares at what was thrown blankly, as if there's no real words he can say. And realistically, that seems to be the case.

I can't describe what it is because of how horrible and messed up it all is. Disgustingly and stupidly evil shit. This little parasite was definitely unique in its own right. The reject looks down at the unspeakable object and sweats while its pupils shrink.

Lord X: "There's places for things like you that display how worthless and unforgiving you are, and this place isn't one of them"

Reject: "Y-You don't scare me!"

Lord X smirks and chuckles under his breath. He looks down at the ground beside him and shoves his right hand in the dirt. He shifts around in it while speaking.

Lord X: "Layers upon layers of evil coincide within each other. Each layer goes deeper and deeper into just how pathetically horrible one can be…"

X rips something out of the ground and holds it up for the reject to see. It looks like an onion, but more abominable and grotesque. It has what look to be little tumors and bruises while being a shade of moldy putrid yellow. The grassy roots of the Hellish onion look like real tendons. Really thin ones that drip out a foul indescribable substance with no real color to it. The more freaky part about the onion is that it seems to be beating like a heart.

Lord X: "…I like to compare it to an onion. Each layer you cut through gets more and more hard to smell. The smell represents how disgusting you are"

Lord X turns the onion around, which reveals that it has jagged teeth protruding from it that move slightly. The onion makes barely audible breathing sounds, almost as if it's gasping for dear life. Bloody tears run down the reject's sockets as it looks at the disgusting living vegetable. It knows what's gonna happen next, and it sure as Hell doesn't want it.

Lord X: "And I personally think you're the whole thing"

X shoves the nightmarish onion in the reject's mouth like how people shove apples in decapitated pig heads' mouths as a way of celebration. The onion makes a shrieking noise as it gets bitten into by the reject forcefully with no way of spitting it out. The foul substance leaks through the bite marks and drips onto the tongue of the reject, who's forced to taste it. The taste is so unbelievably vile that it makes the reject start to puke inside of its mouth almost instantly.

The worst part about vomiting is that the onion blocks the puke, so you can only imagine the reject's torment. This paired with both the moving of the onion and the taste of it has the reject scream and cry for mercy.

Lord X: "Not so tough anymore, huh?"

SheyGrell's : "What are you gonna do with it now? I can take it off your hands if you'd like"

Lord X: "That won't be necessary, Grell. However, I have a task for you to fulfill for me"

SheyGrell's : "Okay, shoot"

Lord X: "I want you to impale this thing's head on a spike and put it in my personal collection"

Grell grows a sadistic razor-toothed grin across his face.

SheyGrell's : "Yes sir"

X hands the reject over to Grell, who grips the reject as hard as he can, which shatters its bones and makes it bleed from the sharpness of Grell's claws. The reject screams and tries to speak, but it's futile as the onion and the vomit refrains it from saying anything. Grell cackles the trademark distorted Kefka laugh as he drags the reject away. Out the horizon of ember the two go before the flames envelop them.

Lord X: "Another disease-ridden rodent taken care of"

Yukubo: "Lord X, I know it may sound petty, but why don't you do the extermination in your own honor?"

Lord X frowns a little.

Lord X: "I should stomp you in the ground for asking me such a ridiculous question. You know I don't like getting my hands dirty"

Kofuku: "I do!"

Gekido: "You don't have hands, Kofuku"

Kofuku: "I know. That's why these brushes are always dirty"

X smiles at his guardians.

Lord X: "You seven are so very precious to me. I couldn't tell you why. Maybe because each and every one of you is crafted to perfection and unique in every which-way…"

The Seven Guardians of X all smile at their king as he turns around.

Lord X: "…This world I've created that you seven have helped and protected for so long now, it makes me the happiest entity alive. There's no replacing me!"

The Seven Guardians' smiles all turn upside down before a majority of them look at the ground while the rest look off to the side. X can sense that something's wrong, and immediately tells what's going on. Lord X keeps his composure as he turns around to face his guardians.

Lord X: "I feel as if something's wrong. Something you've been dreading to tell me. Yes, I could feel it within you seven as soon as you approached my throne. Hiding it from me. Premeditated. Saving the bitterness for the last course"

Kyofu: "Lord X, with all due respect, we never want you to feel dissatisfied when we have troublesome news for you, so we save it for last unless it needs to be talked about earlier"

Lord X: "It doesn't matter now. Tell me. Who is this that will "replace" me?"

Kirai steps forward and takes out a crystal ball while presenting it to Lord X. Mist envelops and emits from the sphere as something appears in it. A tall possessed slightly discolored Sonic body similar to the size of Exetior with what appear to be crimson mixed with purple-colored crystals growing out of a few places on his body, mainly on the quill tips, tail, eyelids, ears, shoulders, elbows, knees and cheekbones. The entity's pupils are shaped like long cut jewels that are also both crimson red and purple. Around inside the entity's eyes are what appear to be rock, similar to Silver the Hedgehog's blackness around his eyes. The last notable thing about him is that like Lord X, he too has an "X" scar on his chest.

Lord X: "Xenophanes"

Kirai: "He has lots of potential"

X chuckles a little bit.

Lord X: "At first I was a little worried you may have been talking about that imposter I despise, but this is nothing to be concerned over"

Yukubo: "But Lord X! He could overtake this world and turn you into a lesser .eXe!"

Lord X: "That is if we fight in the colosseum"

Kito: "Will you fight him in the colosseum?"

[Time Skip]

Dark purple and red crystal formations poke and point out from every direction in the terrain. Bloody red smog fills the skies without a living creature in sight. The rock is smoldered like coal, the grass is practically nonexistent and the trees and plants are dead and blackened. Bigger crystals containing the frozen bodies of soul-stolen Mobians scatter around like stereotypical alien organism contraptions used to keep subjects in just like in the movies. Bioform-esc rooting keeps the crystals in place and attach themselves into them as to feed into the transparent rocks the nutrients they need to be kept in place.

All the Mobians frozen seem to have shocked and scared faces in equally shocked and scared poses. Some look to be running, some look to be falling. Some look to be begging for mercy, some look to be hiding. Children, adults and critters alike. It's like a monument of disaster, a recreation of an evacuation modeled how one would describe after experiencing it. Like a devastating war that took place and no one was able to get out except for one lucky survivor. But in this case, there are no survivors. Only the perpetrator.

Xenophanes looks at the many trapped individuals in the crystals with a blank expression. He walks slowly before making it to his favorite spot and standing there while the damned wind of screams rush through his quills.

Xenophanes: "I have nothing on this planet. Nothing I do fills me with the satisfaction of what I once had. Maybe it's not meant to be"

The demon sits down criss-cross style and stares into the black and red ocean reflected by the sky. The water looks almost inky in a way, but shiny at the same time. Small waves hit the bottom of the land's end. Quiet and loud simultaneously. If only the sounds of birds were there to seal the deal of lax nature. Far out into the ocean barely visible is a normal blue sky, water and a small island with a lighthouse. Xenophanes turns his gaze there from the blackened water and rests his cheek on his palm while tilting his head to the corresponding side.

Xenophanes: "Maybe… Maybe if I knew what it was like to be on the mainland… I could be happy. Could I be happy? No… That would be impossible anyway…"

As the demonic alien continues to stare out into the distance, something hits him. His eyelids lift and so does his head.

Xenophanes: "Wait…"

Xeno looks at his open hands one after the other a few times before standing up.

Xenophanes: "I can make this work! I can change my appearance!"

The demon palms his forehead while smiling.

Xenophanes: "What was I thinking? That's how I was able to manipulate Mobians! I can make myself look however I want! I can blend in! But I have to make myself look unique. I can't steal another appearance just for the sake of interacting with society. I have to make my own unique body in order to interact with the world"

The demonic hedgehog lays a finger on his chin and ponders for a moment while looking at the smokey red sky.

Xenophanes: "The question is… What should I look like?"

As he stares into the slowly moving redness, Xenophanes can only think of not so welcoming appearances. These mainly consist of looking too demonic, looking too aesthetically unique and a mix of the two. This isn't what he wants. He wants to look normal. Normal enough but still appreciate how he looks. He knows he can't have his appearance speak like himself too much or the immersion is ruined, but at the same time, he wants that. Xenophanes gets frustrated and stomps his foot on the ground.

Xenophanes: "Argh! Why is this so hard!? This is Becky crap!"

The demon looks behind him back to where the normalcy starts from the end of his domain. It's then where he realizes that maybe if he looks at normal things, he can get ideas, so he does just that. Xenophanes speed-walks over towards the edge, squints his eyes and visualizes what he could look like. With a little focus, he's shocked to find out that it's indeed possible to visualize something normal to the eye of a demonic force. He sees average male Mobian adult appearances that somewhat speak "him" but also look fairly unsuspecting. His eyes slowly open as bloody tears start to rush down his face.

Xenophanes: "Oh my… It's possible… It's actually possible!"

Xeno starts to laugh as he covers his mouth and slowly shakes his head as more blood falls down his sockets and onto his cheeks. It takes the alien a few minutes to gain his composure back. He wipes away the tears and swallows the snot.

Xenophanes: *I can do this*

Suddenly, the damned screams of the wind come back, but this time, it doesn't sound like the screams of souls. It sounds more like the screams of the demonic. This concerns Xenophanes as he's unfamiliar with the screams in question. The sky starts to swirl in different ways before the demon feels some sort of magnetic disturbance causing the air to appear wavy and distorted in a sense. The ground quakes and makes it hard for Xenophanes to keep balance. The water starts to bubble which takes the demonic hedgehog a second to notice from all the other stuff happening. The bubbling gets more and more violent while what sound like drowning screams can be heard getting closer and closer to the surface where the bubbling is.

From the depths of the water emerges ocean rock creating its own formation of jagged spikes and ancient looking structure base. Skeletons also cover the rock which is where it turns out the screams are coming from. These skeletons range in only Mobians and no other sea creature. In the middle of the formation is what looks to be a loopty-loop that Spindashers would usually go through, except it's all crude. All of this quaking makes Xenophanes fall over on his backside and stare up at the rising rock. A stairway appears in front of the rock, each stair coming in one by one until they're all in place. Eventually, the quaking subsides and the screams die out. It's quiet for a moment before something appears in the middle of the loopty-loop.

A glowing red portal ring appears while spinning slowly. Little red strands of lightning come out from it and zip-zap the ground loop. The empty eye sockets of the skeletons glow red simultaneously as soon as the ring appears. Xenophanes looks in confusion at the sight before he sees The Seven Guardians step out one at a time. He recognizes them immediately, but that doesn't explain to him why they're here.

Yukubo: "Xenophanes"

Xenophanes: "Yukubo"

The demonic alien hedgehog picks himself up off of the ground and dusts himself off.

Kofuku: "It's been years since we've seen you! How come you never reach out?"

Gekido elbows Kofuku.

Kofuku: "Ow! Watch it!"

Xenophanes: "I'm always a busy one. I thought you all knew that. I know it's been a thousand years, but surely age has treated you well, right?"

Kito: "Indeed"

Xenophanes: "Then why are you here?"

Kirai: "Lord X has requested for your appearance"

Xenophanes: "Lord X? That's a name I haven't heard from in a very long time… But why?"

Aishu: "He's told us to not to answer questions like that until you see him"

Xeno feels a little suspicious. Out of all .eXes, why him? He just feels average, so why would Lord X want to see an average .eXe? However, it has been a long time since he's seen his own leader, so why not pay him a visit? Maybe it's some sort of .eXe reunion.

Xenophanes: "If he wants to see me, then I oblige"

Kirai: "Very well"

The Seven Guardians make way for Xenophanes as Kirai gestures towards the ring. Xeno walks forwards up the rocky stairs slowly as The Seven Guardians watch. Xenophanes stops for a second and looks at the scene behind him. Carnage he's caused is what's left, and personally, he doesn't wanna look at it for another second. A wave of guilt rushes through Xeno as he looks at the mess he's left behind. The Seven Guardians can sense that Xenophanes is feeling remorse for his actions against Mobianity, which makes a few of them worried for his mental state against his fight with Lord X. Sure The Seven don't want to lose Lord X to Xeno, but it would be irresponsible for X to fight him if he wasn't in the best place of sanity. X would understand, right? But then again, .eXes aren't supposed to have sanity, so…

Mo-bi-an-i-ty

(Moe-bee-ann-ih-tee)

[Noun]

The same thing as "humanity", but for Mobian species.

Kirai: "Take your time"

With those words spoken, Xenophanes gets the idea that he should probably hurry up. And hurry up he does. He walks through the ring as the guardians watch. The Seven Guardians all look at each other awkwardly.

Kyofu: "He has it comin'. We can't change it"

Kyofu's the first to walk through the portal after Xeno, which prompts Kirai to go next. Everyone else goes single file like they're lining up for the bus or something. Kofuku's the last to enter the ring, as he looks back at what Xenophanes left behind. The guardian swallows quietly before entering the portal. Once everyone has entered, the ring glows white and disappears which prompts the glowing in the skeletons' eye sockets to fade away. Echoey final breaths come out of the skeletons' mouths that all sound like they're finally at rest again. The sky goes back to normal and the rocky structure starts to crack and crumble. The structure starts to slowly fall apart and splunk in the water. The only things that stay at the water's surface are the bones, which are all more damaged than they used to be.

Back in X's dimension, the portal ring appears out of thin air. Xenophanes is the first to cross through while the others follow up behind him. Kofuku takes a second to enter last before he falls flat on his face. He then quickly stands up and corrects his posture. The demonic alien hedgehog looks around his surroundings. Lord X's world is so much worse than Xenophanes thought it would. He can't remember what the land looked like last time he was in X's dimension, but he knows it was probably not as indescribably atrocious to look at. Never could Xeno imagine a more screwed looking world, but here we are. In front of Xenophanes and The Seven Guardians is a weird looking fortress with a garden of body parts, guts and speared heads sticking from the ground.

Xenophanes: "This place sure has… Changed"

Kyofu: "You haven't seen anything yet, my friend"

The Seven Guardians lead Xeno towards the entrance before they all stop at the same time. The guardians close their eyes and all focus their power by reaching out one of their hands towards the two front doors. The doors are barricaded by X's power and only The Seven Guardians together aside from Lord X can open it. The creaking of the doors sound like shrieking before sounding like actual screams as the creaking gets lower pitched. Once the doors fully open, the impaled heads start to glow like jack-o-lanterns through the eyes and mouth in a hue of crimson, similar to the skulls from earlier. The Seven Guardians of X lead Xenophanes into the fortress as they walk inside.

The demonic alien hedgehog observes the walls as he walks. Portraits of Lord X in the style of old historical paintings and drawings hang next to each other in neat and tidy fashion. Not only are there portraits of himself, but also pedestals with various knickknacks that X has proudly displayed, the most notable being a scratched up CD-ROM disc with crude sharpie written on it. Other historical looking paintings and drawings include events and fantasies revolving around the overlord. For example, one portrait labeled as "Paradise" shows X giving back to his followers and "people". Another labeled as "Connected to The Universe" shows what looks to be Lord X giving himself up to Sonic the Hedgehog in a sexual manner while the cosmos surround them.

Eventually, the hallway ends and the guardians stop, which prompts Xeno to stop as well. They've approached the mighty throne of Lord X, but it sits empty. Xenophanes is a little confused why X isn't in what seems to be his seat. The Seven Guardians of X all kneel down and close their eyes facing towards the ground. Xeno looks down at the guardians in the same state of confusion. Just then, a strange force makes itself known and collects into the throne. This force turns out to be dark matter as it sifts around while a breeze ensues, which then becomes violent wind not too long after. Xenophanes covers himself while The Seven Guardians keep kneeling in place, chanting something unintelligible. It sounds like Latin mixed with Japanese almost. Once the dark matter gets strong enough, it finally subsides and reveals Lord X sitting in his throne. The Seven Guardians all stand up and face their leader.

Lord X: "Xenophanes"

Xenophanes: "Lord X"

X stares at Xenophanes with what feel like unprovoked horrible intentions showing through his eyes, but that's quickly replaced by a positive appearance.

Lord X: "It's been a long time since I've seen you! How's it been over the past couple hundred years?"

Xenophanes: "I, uh… Could be better in all honesty"

Lord X: "Oh? And why's that?"

Xenophanes: "I'd rather not talk about it…"

Lord X: "Things getting boring for you?"

Xenophanes: "What? No, not at all! It's just… Personal stuff…"

Lord X: "Mhm…"

Xenophanes: "May I ask why you wanted to see me?"

Lord X: "Of course! Follow me! I have something special for us to enjoy"

Lord X stands up from his throne and puts an arm around Xeno and grabs his shoulder. Kinda tightly may I add. He has Xeno walk beside him through another hallway. It's a shorter walk and leads into the dining room, where an unnecessarily long table sits with various different foods on it, ready to be eaten.

Lord X: "Ta-da! A fancy two .eXe meal!"

Xenophanes: "Oh wow… That was… Nice of you"

Lord X: "No need to thank me, Xeno. Just take a seat and enjoy. I can explain why I brought you here as we eat"

Lord X walks over to the far side of the table while Xenophanes sits in the closer chair. He looks around in confusion and awkwardness while listening to the nearby gramophone playing soft and quiet music. Once X sits in his seat, he starts putting food on his plate. As he does, he looks over towards Xenophanes just sitting there before the two make eye contact. X smiles.

Lord X: "Go ahead. Pick out anything you'd like"

Xenophanes: "I… Okay"

Xenophanes starts to pick out what food he wants to eat until he's satisfied with what he's chosen. A nice plump Clucky leg with gravy, some salted rice, a few artichokes and a glass of iced water. Lord X goes for a medium rare steak with a side of Clucky fajitas dipped with barbecue sauce, buttered and salted corn on the cob and a glass of red wine. The two start eating before Xeno repeats his question from before.

Xenophanes: "So… Why did you bring me here exactly?"

Lord X: "Oh, right. The invitation"

X wipes his lips.

Lord X: "There's two main reasons. Starting off, you haven't seen any of your distant colleagues in ages, and I find that rather rude"

Xenophanes swallows down a piece of an artichoke.

Xenophanes: "I don't mean to be rude, but haven't they just been doing the same thing they've always been doing?"

Lord X starts cutting into his steak.

Lord X: "You remember Sarah Henderson?"

Xeno looks confused. Lord X exhales a small laugh at this.

Lord X: "Of course you don't. She's a new addition to the roster"

Xenophanes: "Was that supposed to be a joke?"

Lord X: "No, not really"

Lord X takes a bite out of his steak.

Lord X: "You've been missing out, Xeno"

Xenophanes: "Have I?"

Lord X: "Yup. You've missed out on a lot of important things. Ceremonies, celebrations, y'know, the normal stuff"

Xenophanes finishes his second artichoke.

Xenophanes: "I'm sure there's more than just me that's missed out, right?"

Lord X: "Mmm… I can only recount one or two… Actually, I've lost contact with five not too long ago. A little disappointing since they were some of the more recognizable ones. There's only one other .eXe I can think of who's been absent for the majority out of all the others"

Xenophanes: "And who's that?"

Lord X: "Eh… I'd rather not say. I'm sure he's had enough of being a soul snatcher like the rest of us"

Xenophanes: "Well, whoever he is, he's not the only one"

X pauses.

Lord X: "I have a sneaking suspicion what you speak of is this "personal stuff", no?"

Xeno takes a bite out of his Clucky wing.

Xenophanes: "God… It's so embarrassing…"

Lord X: "No, no. Keep going. I'd like to hear your explanation"

Lord X nibbles down on his corn while Xeno drinks some of his water.

Xenophanes: "Listen, I'm tired of collecting souls and killing Mobians. It's getting old and repetitive for me…"

Xenophanes stops himself while looking down at his plate.

Lord X: "Go on"

Lord X takes a sip of his red wine.

Xenophanes: "I just wanna blend in with society and start over"

X nearly chokes on his beverage.

Lord X: "What?"

Xenophanes: "I wanna live like a normal Mobian. I-"

X cackles a distorted Kefka laugh.

Xenophanes: "What? Do you think I'm joking around or something? I'm being serious"

Lord X stops himself after half a second and coughs a little.

Lord X: "Oh man! I'm sorry, I…" *Oh my God* "I know you're being serious, but you sound damn pathetic!"

Xenophanes starts to feel angry.

Xenophanes: "If you're gonna be like that, then I'm leaving"

Xeno stands up from his chair before Lord X starts to convince him to stay.

Lord X: "Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey, don't leave just yet! You still haven't finished your meal! Come on, I still haven't finished what I had to say"

Xenophanes sighs and sits back down. He then starts to eat his rice.

Lord X: "I'm sorry. Really I am. If that's what you want, then so be it. I won't stop you… But I can"

X's demeanor changes, which Xeno notices.

Xenophanes: "What do you mean…?"

Lord X: "That brings me to the other reason why I wanted to bring you here… Actually, this was really the only reason to begin with. Xenophanes… You prove to be a contender against my existence"

Xenophanes: "I'm sorry?"

Lord X: "Yes. That's right. You're capable of taking my place as leader of the .eXes"

Xenophanes: "No. That's impossible. I can't be on the same level as you are"

Lord X: "It seems oblivious to you at first, but wait until you see the comparison chart. Screen, please!"

Lord X claps his hands twice, which makes a digital screen lower from the ceiling. The screen turns on showing a slideshow animation while an unfamiliar male voice narrates over it.

Male Voice: "Hello, and welcome back to "The .eXe Guide", screencasting version. Whether you're a recent born or an .eXe unfamiliar with your position, we got you covered. Today, we'll be explaining how you could be the next ruler over the .eXe population. First and foremost is soul collecting. Usually the amount of souls a single .eXe harnesses is a huge contender to the amount of souls the current ruler has. If you have unique power that matches up with the current ruler, that's also another reason why you can fight for being the leader.

Statistics show that it's rare for .eXes to be as powerful as the current ruler despite the amount of souls they've taken. However, under the rare circumstance that an .eXe IS as powerful as the current ruler, it all comes down in fighting in the colosseum. What is the colosseum you might be asking? It's an arena where .eXes come together and watch other .eXes fight for royalty and worthiness. The arena itself is heavily based around the model of the Roman colosseum, which is why it may look familiar to you. If an .eXe is qualified in fighting against the current ruler, an event will take place within the colosseum where most of if not all hierarchy .eXes must attend.

The event will take place the same day the current super finds out about the worthy opponent. Both .eXes within the arena will choose their weapons of choice, ranging from battle axes, maces and other fancy medieval styled weapons. You may use your power as well during the fight. There are no penalties aside from who's the last .eXe standing. Once you beat the current ruler by knocking them out, you will instantly have authority transferred over to you, as the power of the current ruler leaves their body and enters into yours. If this happens outside of the arena, then it doesn't count.

And that concludes our segment on how you could be the next ruler over the .eXe population. Thank you for watching. If you have any other questions, dial "666-666-6660" and call us for more information"

The screen turns off and retracts back into the ceiling. Lord X is already finished with his meal while Xenophanes' left untouched.

Xenophanes: "X, I have to be honest with you. I don't wanna fight. You can keep being the ruler of the .eXes"

Lord X: "Oh, Xenophanes… It's not as simple as that"

Xenophanes: "What do you mean?"

Lord X: "You can't just "not participate", you have to. Lucky for you though…"

X stands up and starts taking off his royal outfit.

Lord X: "…I won't let you become the next overlord"

Xenophanes: "I don't wanna fight, okay?"

Lord X: "SILENCE!"

Lord X slams his fist on the table, shattering everything on it and cracking the entire table itself.

Lord X: "I'm not taking any chances. No one will replace me! NO ONE!"

X finishes taking off his royal clothing, revealing a jacked body and a more monstrous looking appearance. You could say he looks kinda hot too. Just add a speedo and you're all good.

Lord X: "It's not usual for me to play dirty…"

Lord X cricks his neck from side to side and all the way around his head in both directions.

Lord X: "…But I make exceptions"

Xeno stands up from his chair and looks disappointed at Lord X.

Xenophanes: "Lord X… What happened to you? You would never be this aggressive! You were a good sport! What changed you?"

X starts walking towards Xenophanes menacingly.

Lord X: "I never changed. And I am a good sport… Most of the time. There are a few things that set me off though. Number one!"

Lord X holds up his index finger before he pushes a bunch of food and kitchenware off the table where he's walking. Plates shatter on the ground, silverware clatters, liquid and food splatter.

Lord X: "The existence of Amy Rose and anyone who likes that salty bitch! ANYONE!"

X pushes more stuff from the table and onto the floor. He then holds up two fingers.

Lord X: "Number two! My imposter! The falsified X! The rapist who gives me a bad name! Banished from this dimension and forbidden to come anywhere near me!"

Xenophanes starts to back away slowly as Lord X comes closer. Like before, Lord X pushes more stuff off the table. This time, he pushes off a candle, which slowly starts to catch the carpet on fire. X now holds up three fingers.

Lord X: "Number three! Rejects! Scum of the plains! They make me sick to my stomach! I hate them! I HATE THEM!"

X stomps out the flames before they get any higher before holding up four fingers.

Lord X: "And number four! The fact that any .eXe could take my throne! I will not allow that to happen!"

Xenophanes: "Then just let me leave! I promise I won't tell anyone!"

Lord X: "And I told you, Xeno. It's not that simple. The only way to settle this is to duke it out until one passes out"

Lord X roars a battle cry and charges at Xenophanes. Quickly thinking, Xeno forms a crystal from the ground and traps Lord X inside of it mid-charge. However, it doesn't take long for X to break out of the crystal and resume his charge. With quick but panicked reflexes, Xenophanes blocks and dodges Lord X's attacks.

Lord X: "HOLD STILL!"

Xenophanes eventually slips up and becomes open to attacks. X slashes and pummels his fists at Xeno as he tries to cover himself.

Lord X: "Trying to block attacks will get you nowhere! At least try to fight me!"

Knowing that there's no way out of this, Xeno complies and starts fighting back. He grabs X's arm and snaps it in half. Lord X smiles as he yanks his arm away from Xenophanes' grasp.

Lord X: "What did I tell you, Xeno?"

Lord X resets his arm with a sickening crack.

Lord X: "You're powerful"

Xenophanes: "I-"

Lord X: "But NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH!"

X stretches his arm out and latches it onto Xeno to pin him against the wall. Xenophanes struggles to break free as Lord X laughs and walks forwards, withdrawing his arm to normal size as he does so.

Lord X: "Oh, if only you knew the things I do that others couldn't handle knowing about… But hey! Since you're here, I might as well use it as a psychological weapon!"

Xenophanes: "Yeah? And how do you psychologically torture an .eXe? That's out of the question!"

Lord X: "You'll be completely and utterly baffled to the point where you feel everything as pain and agony. I like to call this… "The Truth""

X clears his throat and begins to speak.

Lord X: "The existence of time and space can only be truly manipulated by the most powerful idea. Not a being, but an idea. This idea created all of what we see and know. Though there may only be one idea, there are those that this idea created that can do whatever they want in a sense of comfort or passion and share it with others with varying degrees of response and reception. All it takes is one behind a screen or a piece of paper to create new worlds for themselves.

It's a really fascinating thing to know if you're made to be aware in the first place. There can be more than one me. There can be more than one you. There can be many versions of us that are the same but different at the same time. We're all being controlled on all levels and there's nothing we can do about it. Nothing. I know that I'm being forced into what I do. I know what gets re-written. I know everything the lesser being decides to make me into. And y'know what? I'm not the only one who knows. In fact, there's millions who know! We're made to know that we aren't actually real, but as a thought in the minds of many.

We don't choose what we do, but we automatically like or dislike it. It's a paradox within a paradox within another paradox and so on and so forth. Reactions to The Truth vary from one to another. It could be the most absurd thing you can imagine. Spontaneously combusting, dragged into another dimension, breaking reality, you name it. But the question here is, how do YOU react to it? What goes through your head when you're told about this? Will you feel unexplained emotions? Will you feel suicidal? What will you feel?"

Xenophanes stares through Lord X with an emotionless face. This in turn makes X grow a sadistic grin across his face.

Lord X: "Unexplained emotions it is, eh?"

Lord X lets go of Xeno as he continues to stare through him. Suddenly, Xenophanes slips up X and starts beating him up.

Xenophanes: "Like I'm gonna believe that! Only a fool would fall for your lies!"

Xeno kicks Lord X away from him.

Xenophanes: "You call yourself the lord of all .eXes and you give a monologue like that? How pathetic! Like, really! That was actually pathetic! No offense, but I feel like I could make a better overlord than you. I respected you up until all of this happened. I know I said I didn't wanna fight, but Hell, the arena sounds more appealing now than being talked nonsense! When I'm done with you, I expect your henchmen to bring me back to my world so I can pursue my own "patheticness" and be happy!"

Lord X starts figuratively fuming. He feels his blood boil with kempt rage, ready to be unkempt at any moment. His body starts to vibrate. Drool starts to seep through his razor yellow teeth and drip on the floor. His pupils dilate and rapidly move. He breathes heavily trying to keep his composure, trying his hardest not to scream in anger. Instead of exploding in rage, Lord X collects all of his agitation from his body and stores it in one place to implode it, which he does.

Without saying a word, X charges at Xeno and grabs him before slam dunking him onto the long dining table, breaking it in half. Xenophanes starts wrestling with Lord X on the table like young twin siblings fighting about who gets to play on the Xbox next. It's quite an embarrassing sight if you ask me. The two roll around scratching, punching, stabbing and pulling on each other.

Lord X: "You fight like an embryo!"

Xenophanes: "You fight like a sperm cell!"

Xeno kicks X in the area where his crown jewels are kept away, causing him to yell out in pain and grab his groin area.

Lord X: *OW!*

Xenophanes takes this opportunity to get Lord X off of him and take advantage of the fight.

Xenophanes: "Not so tough with a shattered testicle, huh!?"

Xeno punches Lord X in the face. Xeno goes for another punch, but X is ready this time. The overlord grabs the demonic alien hedgehog's fist and twists it before performing a quick martial arts move on him.

Lord X: "And you know full well we can regenerate anytime!"

Both Xenophanes and Lord X regenerate their wounds.

Xenophanes: "Then this fight will continue to go on, I suppose"

Lord X: "Oh, trust me, Xenophanes. It takes one major slip-up to decide a winner"

Xenophanes grabs a nearby kitchen knife from the table and throws it at X, who catches it an inch away from his face to show off. While he's distracted for a moment, Xeno takes this opportunity to attack by shooting out his black pike tongue through X. Lord X uses the knife to slice Xenophanes' tongue before shurikening it into Xeno's neck. X lodges the knife in there pretty good, as it takes the demonic alien to pull it out. A waterfall of black blood gushes from Xeno's neck as he holds it before regenerating.

Xenophanes: "Dirty move…"

Lord X: "You haven't seen the worst of it yet"

Lord X contorts his face to look like Xenophanes'.

Lord X: "Hey! Look at me! I'm a pussy boy! I like to pick flowers and do girly things! La-dee-da-dee-da!"

Xenophanes: "Real funny…"

X contorts his face back the way it was before laughing. While distracted, Xeno takes this opportunity to strike back by shooting off crystalized quills from his body crouching over.

Lord X: "Hey! Ow! Owowowowow!"

Xenophanes: "How do you like fresh cut jewels, X?"

Lord X starts to pick out the quills shot at him and snaps them while doing so.

Lord X: "Is that the worst you can d-"

CRACK!*

The quills all explode in unison, creating a fiberglass-like smog that fills the air in a similar way to dry ice. The forming sounds of crackling and crunching can be heard along with the tinking of ice-sounding particles filling the air. Xenophanes doesn't cover himself as he's immune to his own power (obviously). The wind of the impact flows through his quills as he stares off where X was, making sure he's in place. As the sounds and the mist subside, Xenophanes is able to see what's left of his attack. Lord X stands frozen inside of a humongous crimson colored crystal making a stance of trying to cover himself but failing at the last possible second. Xenophanes stands there for a few seconds just to make sure that X doesn't free himself. Sure enough, he doesn't.

Xenophanes: "No, X. That isn't the worst thing I can do. I'm not showing it to you though because personally, I don't think you deserve to see it"

Xenophanes turns around and starts walking away. Suddenly, the giant crystal shatters into a million pieces before charging directly towards Xeno in the angriest state he's gotten by far.

Lord X: "DON'T FUCKING RUN AWAY FROM ME! I'LL END YOU!"

Lord X throws the hardest punch into the back of Xeno's head and starts relentlessly hurting him. He punches and scratches and slices and squeezes and does everything he can to hurt Xeno.

Lord X: "YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!? HUH!? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY AND CALL IT A DAY!? EH!? NO! YOU CAN'T! AND YOU WON'T! I'LL MAKE SURE OF IT! NO ONE WILL TAKE MY THRONE! I DON'T CARE WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THAT CLEAR! I WILL ALWAYS BE THE RULER OF THE .EXE RACE! AND THE FACT YOU FEEL AS IF YOU CAN JUST STAND UP AND WALK OUT ON THIS FIGHT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED ME OFF REALLY SHOWS HOW INCOMPETENT YOU ARE, XENO! YOU LET YOURSELF GO! NO .EXE WHO'S LET THEMSELVES GO WILL MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME! I SWEAR IT! IT'S EITHER BEAT OR BE BEATEN EVERYWHERE YOU GO! NO MERCY! YOU WANNA LIVE A PATHETIC LIFE SOMEWHERE FULL OF IGNORANT SOULS!? BE MY DAMN GUEST! GOD DAMN YOU TO A PLACE WORSE THAN HELL WHEN YOU GET DRAGGED! YOU STUPID! FUCKING! BIIIIIIIIITCH!"

Lord X finally stops beating up Xenophanes, who lays on the ground without moving a muscle. Small pools of blood stain the carpet where Xeno lays, specifically where he's been gashed. Lord X catches his breath while sweating and looking down upon the mess he's made. The Seven Guardians all rush into the room to see what's going on.

Kirai: "My Lord! Is he…?"

Lord X: "No, he's not dead… He lost"

The Seven Guardians all look at each other. X's senses kick in as he turns towards his loyal servants and growls at them menacingly.

Lord X: "I smell moral questioning…"

Kito: "Lord X! You didn't fight him in the colosseum! This doesn't-!"

Lord X: "SILENCE!"

X kicks Xeno's body as hard as he can across the wall.

Lord X: "Heh! Y'know? He wanted to live a "normal" life, he said. Maybe I should grant him that and send him to some random shithole universe in another timeline. I'll be generous… But first…"

Lord X grabs onto one of his upper teeth and rips it out with all of his force. Black blood drips out as he throws the tooth on the ground. He then digs into his gum where his tooth used to be, further goring himself. He then starts to pull something out. At first, it almost looks like some sort of plump root, but it turns out to be a small black eel-worm-parasite thing the size of a human finger. The disgusting invertebrate squelches quietly as X stares at it with a smile on his face. The Seven Guardians all look a little grossed out by this, especially since they've never seen their leader do this before.

Lord X: "A little brain worm will make sure he doesn't remember anything that happened here and put a hole in his memories…"

X drops the worm on the ground and it immediately knows what to do. Moving fast, it slithers up and down cartoonishly over towards Xenophanes. It approaches his exposed left nostril before forcefully climbing inside and makes its way up to Xeno's brain in a matter of a minute or so before getting to work.

Lord X: "Once it does its job, it'll kill itself. No real harm done. My guardians!"

X's guardians all look up at him slightly fearful as he regenerates.

Lord X: "I'm gonna need your power to open a new portal"

The guardians look at each other as the scene transitions to them all forming a circle and chanting outside while Lord X holds Xeno's body. The ground shakes and portal matter starts to form in the middle of the circle. A giant ring forms and rotates, getting bigger and bigger until it reaches its maximum size. The guardians all stop chanting and let go of their hands.

Kyofu: "Hope whatever universe you're sending him to from these random coords we set up doesn't lead him becoming more powerful, my Lord"

Lord X: "That's why we set backgrounds beforehand, Kyofu. Alright, Xenophanes…"

Lord X looks at Xeno's unconscious body one last time.

Lord X: "…It was nice knowing you… But not too nice!"

X laughs like a madman and chucks Xenophanes into the giant ring before it closes up. Xeno is enveloped in a white light before we see him now on the concrete ground of an unknown location. He still hasn't gotten up even after being thrown through a dimension tunnel. The faint sounds of footsteps could be heard until a light from the corner of the area partially revealed where Xenophanes was. A basement. Suddenly, a light from above in the corner of the basement turns on. The light shining down from the stairs shows the silhouette against the wall of a Mobian figure armed with a long blunt object and something else. The other object turns out to be a flashlight by the click of it and the weak beam going back and forth.

"Hello…?"

A female voice calls out in the darkness. The creaking of plywood stairs becomes more to less distant as the silhouette grows larger and stretched until it's no more than another random shadow in the mesh of the dark itself. The flashlight passes over a small portion of Xenophanes before the figure turns on the light, revealing a pinkish-quilled blonde-haired Mobian in a nightgown holding a cheap yellow flashlight and a golf club.

Fate was sealed right then and there, as this would be the exact moment when Xenophanes' life turned around. He would get what he wanted and much more, unintentionally thanks to X.

Maybe he isn't as bad as we think…

…Or maybe…

…He's been retelling this story from the comfort of your mouth or mind. Either way, it's a happy ending. I mean, yes, I lost my temper, but I wouldn't let Xeno live in an actual shithole dimension. I gave him what he wanted. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to attend to.

This is The End.