A/N This chapter's title is Warrior by Demi Lovato. I felt it was appropriate for Salem and what she talks about in this chapter. Please do be warned, there is some mention of domestic abuse and hints of assault in this chapter. Please read, review, and let me know what you think. You guys have no idea how your comments motivate me. Until next chapter... enjoy!
Hard footstep after hard footstep on the striped grey carpeted floor thundered in the confines of the room. Solas stared at the large form of the pacing qunari woman in front of him. Her mouth was set in a hard line, eyes glistening with anger. Solas averted his gaze. He had expected this reaction from Salem, though he hadn't expected to be awoken by cold water. He cast a sideways glance at the elven woman by his side. She eyed Salem with wide, weary eyes. Solas reached discreetly to squeeze Elyssa's hand, being rewarded with an appreciative smile.
Finally, Salem sighed and ceased her pacing. "Do you two have any idea how irresponsible and reckless this was?!" Her furious grey eyes went from one elf to the other. "What if someone had seen you come in here?" Elyssa shirked back at the unwanted attention from the qunari woman.
"Salem," Solas directed the furious woman's attention to himself, "it is my fault. I invited her here."
"This should be interesting," Salem scoffed. "Let's hear it. Why?" Salem asked bluntly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"I had… things I wished to discuss with her," he answered.
"And that included you sticking your dick in her!?" Salem shot off, pointing to Elyssa's lack of appropriate attire.
"We didn't sleep together in that manner," Solas corrected.
Elyssa turned her face away from both Solas and Salem. "Because I'm fucked up," she muttered.
Salem turned a pointed glare onto her. "You and I will talk about what you just said later," she said, "in the meantime, young lady, you're grounded. Two weeks no electronics and no going out of the house unless it's for work." Elyssa stared at her, flabbergasted. "You snuck out of your room without anyone knowing where you were going," Salem cut off any protest, "that's one week. You also spent the night with a boy -your teacher in case you had forgotten- without permission, that's two. Try my patience and we'll make it three for back talking."
Elyssa hung her head. She had never been grounded like this before, she didn't know what to make of it. In the past, her mother would just yell at her and tell her she would amount to nothing. She never really explained why she was yelling or why Elyssa was in trouble. It made it very hard to fix the problem when Elyssa didn't know what the problem ever really was. Salem had just explained why she was being grounded, and it made sense. Elyssa hadn't thought about the worry Salem must have felt when she noticed Elyssa wasn't in her room. She also hadn't thought of the possibility of someone seeing her enter Solas' room but never leave it. A mistake like that could easily land Solas in jail, since she was still underage. "I'm sorry, Salem," she sighed.
Salem slackened her stiff posture a little, a sigh escaping her. "Look, I'm glad you guys are past the misunderstandings," she said, "but, you have to be careful." She took a deep breath before pulling the chair from the desk around to face them on the bed. "If you guys are going to be together, I have some rules." Making sure she had both of their attention, she waited to continue. "First, and most important, absolutely no sex until Elyssa is of age." She glared hard at both elves, driving the point home. "Second, under no circumstances can you guys be seen together, publicly until after Elyssa is no longer your student, Solas. And last, use the Maker-given brains I know you two have. Don't make your feelings for each other obvious to all of Thedas." She looked pointedly at Solas, trying to imbed the rule into his brain through sheer vision. "Do you two think you can do this?" Both Elyssa and Solus nodded in agreement. "Good," she said shortly, "now, Solas, I'll see you at the art show later. Elyssa put on some pants and come with me. There's some things I'd like to discuss with you in private."
Elyssa nodded her head, and followed Salem's instructions. She followed the older woman out of Solas's room and into hers. Iron Bull lay snoring on the bed, so Salem pointed to the desk where two chairs sat. Elyssa took one seat, Salem the other. "Now," Salem started, "why do you think you're fucked up?"
Elyssa avoided Salem's gaze. "You wouldn't understand," she sighed.
"Try me," Salem objected.
Elyssa stared curiously at the woman. Telling Salem why she had said that would mean telling her she had been trying to have sex with Solas. "You're just going to get angry," she said.
"Elyssa," Salem sighed with concern, placing a large grey hand over her petite, folded hands. "I will never get angry at something that has to do with your mental health."
Elyssa raised an eyebrow in surprise. Salem seemed calm when less than an hour before, she had doused both she and Solas in ice water. Elyssa decided to take Salem at her word. "Well, Solas and I… we didn't have sex for lack of trying," she admitted. She peeked at Salem judging her reaction before continuing. Her eyebrows twisted downward slightly and her mouth was set in a hard line; otherwise seeming just as calm as when the conversation began. "Everything was fine until he touched my waist and started lifting my shirt up."
Salem looked at her with concerned eyes. "What happened when he touched your waist?" she asked calmly.
Elyssa took a deep breath, "It hurt."
"Was he holding you too hard?" Salem suggested half-heartedly, praying to the Maker that Solas hadn't been rough with her.
Elyssa shook her head quickly, "No. He was barely touching me." Elyssa swallowed hard. "It felt like… his, Justice's, hands were digging into me again," she said in a small voice, "and when I closed my eyes, I saw him and heard him all over again." she barely managed to choke out, unable to stop her voice from cracking with impending tears.
Salem's mouth furrowed, "Elyssa, that's okay."
"It's not," Elyssa disagreed, "I wanted to, but I couldn't. How could that be okay?"
"You went through something terrible," Salem answered, "it's going to take you time to be able to handle that."
Elyssa's eyes looked at the bright wood of the desk, Salem's hand still over hers in show of support and concern. "What if I don't learn how to handle it? What if I'm never ok with sex again?" She asked in a soft, scared voice.
Salem's thumb rubbed a soothing circle into the top of her hand, bringing a small smile to Elyssa's face. "The fact that you even want to is a good sign that you'll be able to handle it one day," Salem answered, "you're always going to carry it with you, but that doesn't mean you're always going to shy away from it. And it certainly doesn't mean you're fucked up."
"How are you so sure?" Elyssa asked.
Salem took a deep breath. "I've been there before," Salem answered, "and I know exactly how you're feeling right now. But let me tell you, it does get better after a while, it's not your fault, and what you're feeling now is normal."
"What do you mean you've been there too? You keep saying that, but I don't know what you mean exactly," Elyssa asked.
Salem took a quick glance at the still sleeping figure of the Iron Bull on the bed. He hated hearing about what had happened to her, saying he wished he had been able to stop it though he hadn't even known her at the time. "I assume Solas finally told you about his bitch of an ex?" she asked. Elyssa nodded in confirmation. "Good," Salem nodded in approval. "Well, I had a girlfriend in high school too," she began. Elyssa's eyes shot open in surprise. "Yes, a girlfriend," she chuckled, "her name was Raven. She was actually Andruil's best friend. That's how Solas and Andruil met."
"Solas knew Raven?" Elyssa asked curiously.
"No," Salem answered, "Raven and I were in the same grade, two years ahead of Solas and Andruil. Andruil and Raven had been friends since childhood, their fathers worked together or something like that. I met Solas when he was a freshman. You know most upperclassmen usually take an underclassman under their wing, so to speak. Solas was mine, he just seemed like he could use a friend." Salem paused for a moment, letting Elyssa process this information. "Since Raven and I were dating, we eventually introduced our friends to each other. They didn't start dating until a few years later, and you know what happened from there."
"What does this have to do with you 'having been there too'?" Elyssa asked.
"I'm getting to that," Salem answered with a deep breath. "Raven and Andruil were alike in their treatments of Solas and I. Of course, Solas refused to see it with Andruil and I with Raven." She shook her head at the naivety of her and Solas' younger selves. "When Raven and I graduated, she begged me to take a few years off school to stay with her," Salem continued, "and I did. I even moved in with her for a time." She took a shaky breath, "during that time she became more possessive than she had been… and more violent." It was Elyssa's turn to rub soothing circles into Salem's hand. "Everything seemed to set her off," Salem sighed, "she would go into fits where she was jealous of anyone who had any interaction with me, often getting violent during them. It was during one of these fits that she assaulted me, like Justice had you." Salem took a shaky breath, feeling a large hand on her shoulder.
"The bitch tried killing her too," the gruff voice of the Iron Bull huffed. He squeezed Salem's shoulder gently, bringing a small smile to her face. "If I could get my hands on her…" his voice trailed off, his face twisted in anger.
"I went to college the same year Solas did," Salem continued, "and I met the Iron Bull there."
"I tried for a year and a half to get her to go out with me," the Iron Bull chuckled, "and when she finally did, I ended up getting stabbed in the leg for moving too fast."
Salem laughed in embarrassment, "I told you, I didn't mean to it was a reflex."
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, between her horns. "I know, Kadan," he answered, "it was a hell of a turn on though."
Elyssa's face twisted in mock disgust at the lewd comment, Salem and Bull laughing at her reaction. "It took a while," Salem said, "but I was eventually able to be intimate again. You will too. After you're 18."
"30," the Iron Bull disagreed, "she needs to be 30 at least." Salem laughed, as did Elyssa.
"Thank you," Elyssa smiled, "for sharing that with me."
Salem returned the smile, "I hope it helped."
Elyssa nodded. "I don't feel as bad," she answered, "but I still don't know how to fix it."
"Honey, you're not something that needs to be fixed," Salem said, "it will come with time." She watched Elyssa's face fall. "If you would like," she continued, "we can take you to see a therapist. That may help a little."
Elyssa pondered what Salem was offering. It may not be a bad thing talking to a therapist, at least once. It couldn't hurt. "I can choose to stop going if I don't feel like it's helping?" she asked. Salem nodded in affirmation. "Okay," Elyssa agreed, "we can try it."
"I'll get in touch with Dr. Cole after this weekend," Salem responded.
"Okay," Elyssa nodded, "thank you."
"Of course," Salem smiled, "we're here if you need us, always." Elyssa smiled at her, a warmth spreading through her chest. It was nice to have to care and support of a family, even if they hadn't been hers to begin with.
Elyssa paced back and forth the hotel room's floor. She had just finished getting ready for the art exhibit, and her nerves had caught up with her. "What if the judges didn't like my painting?" Elyssa muttered.
"Then they're stupid fucks that don't know art," Krem's voice came from the bed opposite the one Elyssa was pacing at.
Still, Elyssa paced. "What if I don't get a scholarship?" she asked.
"I'm sure mom will help you pay for school if you need to," Krem answered confidently.
"What if I don't want to go to school immediately?" She shook her hands, trying to get the unpleasant tingle to disappear.
"Then don't," Krem spoke once more.
"Is what I'm wearing even appropriate?" she asked. She looked down at the black skirt that flowed softly around her calves, the white button up shirt she'd tucked into the waistband of the skirt, and the grey cardigan she had paired with the short black open-toe heels. Her hair was pulled back and twisted at the nape into a low-hanging ponytail. She looked desperately at Krem who had on a pair of baggy khakis, a long sleeve grey shirt with a button-up V neck, and black socked feet tucked into brown shoes. "Nevermind," she sighed.
"Elyssa," he stood up, blocking her from pacing anymore, "you're going to do fine. Even if you don't win, we know you still did an amazing job."
Elyssa took a deep breath, smiling in appreciation at him. "Thanks," she said, "I get really nervous sometimes."
Krem laughed, "I hadn't noticed."
A knock at the room door kept Elyssa from responding. She opened the door to see Salem and Iron Bull waiting for them. Salem was dressed similarly to Elyssa, though her skirt was knee length and contoured to her slim figure, her shirt was a yellow long sleeve button up tucked in at the hem, and her heels close-toed and one inch taller. Her hair had also been pulled up and twisted into a loose bun resting beautifully between her horns. Iron Bull was dressed like Krem though his sweater was yellow and tucked in, his pants black and not quite as baggy. "Are you guys ready?" Salem asked.
Elyssa glanced around nervously, but nodded her head. When they arrived at the gallery, it was easy to spot Solas as well as Nira. Nira wore a form fitting black dress that ended in folds at her knees and heels, her fiery hair cascading in waves to her knees. Solas in grey slacks, a white button up opened at the collar and sleeves peeking out from the confines of a dark green sweater. Elyssa's heart ached to go to Solas, but she remained beside Salem. She had promised to show them her painting before they looked at everything else.
The paintings had been arranged alphabetically by the student's names, making it easy to locate Elyssa's. She was shocked to find that a sizable crowd had gathered around hers. Salem and Bull made quick work of making room for Elyssa to look at her painting proudly on display, a large, deep blue ribbon hanging next to it. Elyssa stared in breathless shock. She had won. Her painting had been judged earlier and she had won. She looked at the 20 x 24 framed painting she had poured her heart into for three weeks straight.
Standing vertically as the center point of the picture was a girl in a lilac dress. A thin white-blue line interwoven with shades of pale yellows and greens, followed a circular path down behind the girl starting off-center in the upper right hand side behind the girl's head and curved around to end at the off-center left hand point in front of one of the girl's feet dividing the picture into sections like the dividing line of water meeting the sky. One section was darker with dark hues of blacks, greens, and blue creating shadows as the water faded deep into an unseen abyss. The other section was bright with lighter shades of blue, white, orange, and yellow, showing the sun shining on the water. Subtle beams and shadows wove these sections together blending them into one picture. The dress the girl wore had short sleeves, exposing her shoulders and ended a few inches above her knees. It flowed behind her, the hem fading into purple petals that floated behind her, bringing a pop of color to the darker section and bunched in the bottom right hand corner of the painting. The girl had long brown hair -a dark auburn color being illuminated by the sun's rays- that floated out and upwards in the same direction of the dress, as if a current of water was pushing against her. The girl was positioned with one arm resting on her thigh, the other outstretched towards a hand reaching towards her from the bottom left hand corner of the painting that was in front of her, parallel to the petals. One leg was extended, the other bent at the knee and behind her, as if she had been caught midstep. Her head was turned slightly to the left hand side of the painting, looking at a reflection of herself. Only the waist up to the head of the reflection was visible, the rest being distorted by the waves of the water. The expression of the reflection did not mirror that of the girl. Where the girl's eyes were closed, the reflection's were open, the green in them hard and malicious. Where her mouth was held in a small peaceful line, the reflection's was smiled wide and cruelly. Where the girl in the water's expression was one of determined peace, the reflection's was a mask of intended viciousness.
"I can't believe I won," Elyssa whispered breathlessly.
A woman with short black hair, bright blue eyes, and a red scar running across her nose turned to Elyssa. She was flanked by a tall dark woman dressed in an white dress with a matching hat that covered her lack of hair. "You painted this?" She asked in a Fereldan accent. Elyssa nodded shyly, warmth creeping across her skin. "It's gorgeous," the woman complimented, "how did you learn to paint so well?"
Elyssa shuffled her feet awkwardly, looking down at the wooden floor in front of her. She took a deep breath, then met the woman's pristine eyes. "I had an amazing teacher," she answered.
"Anyone I know?" the woman asked with a chuckle. To answer Elyssa simply pointed to where Solas stood admiring another student's artwork with them. The woman smiled kindly at her, before walking over to Solas. Elyssa was too far away to hear their conversation, but she saw Solas look at her curiously before turning with interest towards the woman. A few more people offered their praise to Elyssa while she waited for the woman to finish talking with Solas. Finally, she was able to make her way over to him.
"What was that about?" Salem asked as they approached the elven art teacher.
"I'm not yet sure," Solas answered.
"Okay then," Salem shrugged her shoulders, "did you see the ribbon on Elyssa's painting?"
Solas nodded, a bright smile directed at Elyssa, "She won as I knew she would." Elyssa blushed in response. The fiery red hair of Nira bobbed through the crowd to join their group.
"Congratulations," she beamed at Elyssa, "your painting is beautiful."
"Thank you, Miss Mahariel," Elyssa blushed. She didn't want to seem so casual with another teacher in front of Salem and Solas. She was sure they would consider it rude to belittle their coworker that way.
"There's no need to be so formal in front of Solas here," Nira laughed.
"Elyssa does not know," Solas chuckled. He turned to Elyssa, "this is my aunt. I'm sorry for not properly introducing you before."
"You seemed really upset last night," Nira waved it off.
Elyssa stared from one elf to the other, flabbergasted. "You're his aunt?" she asked, "but you're so young."
Nira, Solas, and Salem laughed at her observation. "I'm only his aunt through, marriage dear," Nira answered, "his uncle is the man I told you about before."
"The one that looked so similar to him from dinner yesterday?" Elyssa asked. It should have been obvious, but she had been too upset to care at the time.
"That would be him, my Dread Wolf," she responded fondly.
"Dread Wolf?" Elyssa asked curiously, looking at Solas, "your uncle has the same nickname as you?"
Salem laughed amusingly. "No," she answered for him, "you see Nira here has the Dread Wolf. You have the Dread Pup." Everyone save for Solas laughed loudly at her joke. Solas turned his head away so Salem could not see his amused smile. Elyssa looked at the people around her, the small family that she could feel herself becoming a part of, and smiled. For once, family wasn't seeming like such a bad thing.